1. Who is your favorite celebrity? Elizabeth Hurley... I keep waiting for my obsession with her to die, but it just won't!

2. Who is your least favorite? David Caruso... I've not liked a single thing he has ever done. His current attempt at "acting" on CSI:Miami is an embarrassing imitation of the much cooler William Petersen on the real CSI show. Every time he tries to whip out one of those clever one-liners that Petersen manages so well, he ends up looking like an idiot... I suppose it was too much to expect that an "actor" of his caliber would bother to invent his own character.

3. Have you ever met or seen any celebrities in real life? I've seen my share... Daphne Zuniga, Tom Skerritt, Mariah Carey, Scott Plank, Douglas Adams, Anne Rice, William Gibson. Uh... you didn't mean famous celebrities did you?

4. Would you want to be famous? Okay! Why or why not? I'd have a better chance of meeting Elizabeth Hurley!

5. If you had to trade places with a celebrity for a day, who would you choose and why? Colin Farrell. He leads just the sort of depraved lifestyle I wish I could afford to have!

1. What was the last TV show you watched? C.S.I. Crime Scene Investigation last night.

2. What was the last thing you complained about? Just five minutes ago I was bitching about having to work this weekend.

3. Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say? My friend Meagan... she had sent me a snapshot of a new piece of art she had created, so I e-mailed her back and said that it looked fantastic, which it did. (Meagan is responsible for the little pictures of me sprinkled around this web site, thanks to her home-made Photo Embarassment Booth).

4. What was the last thing you threw away? A color laser print of a design that didn't seem to want to print out quite they way it was supposed to (thank you Adobe Illustrator 10!).

5. What was the last website (besides this one) that you visited? I was reading Watch With Kristin over at E! Online in hopes that there would be info on the Buffy season finale.

1. Name one song you hate to admit you like. Right now that would be the ABBA cover of SuperTrouper by the A-Teens.

2. Name two songs that always make you cry. Well, I don't cry much, but two songs that have an emotional impact on me are Don't Answer Me by The Alan Parson's Project and Storm on the Sea by The Thompson Twins.

3. Name three songs that turn you on. You've Got a Way by Shania Twain, The Love Thieves by Depeche Mode, and If You Were Here by The Thompson Twins.

4. Name four songs that always make you feel good. Hmmm... maybe Barbie Girl by Aqua, So Young by The Corrs, Steal My Sunshine by Len, and Ask by The Smiths.

5. Name five songs you couldn't ever do without. Let's go with I Wish I Cared by a-ha, Take Me Away by Babble, Everything Counts (Live) by Depeche Mode, Get the Message by Electronic, and Miracle by Jon Bon Jovi.

1. Would you consider yourself an organized person? A little bit, sure. Why or why not? If I weren't somewhat organized, my work would be pretty difficult!

2. Do you keep some type of planner, organizer, calendar, etc. with you, and do you use it regularly? My PowerBook has all that on it, and it's with me most of the time, so I guess the answer would be yes.

3. Would you say that your desk is organized right now? Not really, but I am in the middle of a big project, so things are in disarray. After a project has been completed, I'll take some time to clean it up again.

4. Do you alphabetize CDs, books, and DVDs, or does it not matter? I absolutely do!

5. What's the hardest thing you've ever had to organize? Photographs from my travels over the years. It got out of hand, and now it's almost impossible to get them in order. Fortunately, I now have a digital camera and use the excellent iPhoto on my Macs to keep things straight.

1. What drinking water do you prefer -- tap, bottle, purifier, etc.? The tap water where I live is chlorinated, which I hate, so I always buy whatever jug drinking water is on sale at the grocery store. At work I usually purchase flats of "Kirkland" water from Costco to drink.

2. What are your favourite flavor of chips? I try to stay away from chips because I'm trying to limit the amount of hydrogenated fats I consume... but when I must have a chip, it's usually Sun Chips Regular. My favorite snack that's not a chip remains Pirate's Booty, which I will gladly eat over any other snack food.

3. Of all the things you can cook, what dish do you like the most? I like the enchiladas I make. They are based on a recipe my grandmother gave me, but I use rice instead of burger meat.

4. How do you have your eggs? Creamed into mayonnaise, which I will eat on most anything. On the rare occasion that I eat eggs, they are usually scrambled.

5. Who was the last person who cooked you a meal? How did it turn out? The cook at Denny's. I had the Boca Burger which is always excellent (unfortunately, the fries were not very crispy this time around, however).

1. What brand of toothpaste do you use? I change toothpaste every time I buy it, as I am always looking for the latest and greatest in tooth-care technology! Right now I have a tube of Colgate Extra Whitening that I'm finishing up, and the next tube up is AquaFresh Extreme Clean (it foams!).

2. What brand of toilet paper do you prefer? Whatever is on sale. I don't really put much thought into something that's going to be wiping my ass (but perhaps I should be?).

3. What brand(s) of shoes do you wear? Nike. This is the only brand I've found that have an arch my feet can be comfortable with. I wish they made inline skates.

4. What brand of soda do you drink? I don't touch the stuff. I limit the amount of crap I consume in a day, and there are far better ways to enjoy useless calories than soda pop.

5. What brand of gum do you chew? I am not a big "gum chewer" but, when I do indulge, it is usually Juicyfruit because it's always easy to find. I prefer natural gums, like Speakeasy, but it's hard to find them anywhere.

1. What do you most want to be remembered for? Always taking responsibility for my actions.

2. What quotation best fits your outlook on life? "No matter where you go... there you are." from the movie Buckaroo Banzai.

3. What single achievement are you most proud of in the past year? Deciding to once again do those things I used to enjoy, but gave up to make other people happy.

4. What about the past ten years? The same... it's taken me ten years to get to this point!

5. If you were asked to give a child a single piece of advice to guide them through life, what would you say? Always remember that everything you do has consequences, so make sure you can live with the decisions you make before you act.

1. How many times have you truly been in love? Once.

2. What was/is so great about the person you love(d) the most? She pushed boundaries I didn't know I had, was happy with me the way I was, and opened my mind to new ways of thinking about things. Too bad she ended up being a psychotic, sadistic asshole in the end.

4. Have you ever broken someone's heart? Probably.

5. If there was one thing you could teach people about love, what would it be? In order for love to work, you have to give it everything you have. Doing so, however, can be very dangerous, so make sure you love yourself enough to survive it if things don't work out.

1. What's one thing you've always wanted to do, but never have? Become fluent in Japanese. Just when I really get into it, I realize that I don't have anybody to actually talk to, so I abandon my studies until my next trip to Japan (and forget just about everything I have learned in the meanwhile).

2. When someone asks your opinion about a new haircut/outfit/etc, are you always honest? No.

3. Have you ever found out something about a friend and then wished you hadn't? Yes. What happened? I've kept it a secret, even from them. Some things really are better left unsaid.

4. If you could live in any fictional world (from a book/movie/game/etc.) which would it be and why? The movie Total Recall with Arnold Schwarzenegger had an interesting take on the near-future that has never left me since I first watched it. Maybe it's the girl-on-girl fight action (with Sharon Stone no less!) that made such an impression, but they sure made the future seem a nifty place to live.

5. What's one talent/skill you don't have but always wanted? I love languages, and wish I had more of a talent for learning them.

1. Is your hair naturally curly, wavy, or straight? Straight. Long or short? Very short (how can your hair be naturally short?).

2. How has your hair changed over your lifetime? There's not as much of it as there used to be.

3. How do your normally wear your hair? Chopped off and completely messed up. It's been that way pretty much since birth (if you excuse my hippie-length locks as a freshman in high school and a tragic hair experiment gone wrong earlier in life... see question #5).

4. If you could change your hair this minute, what would it look like? I don't really care enough to think about it.

5. Ever had a hair disaster? Once. What happened? When I was in Middle School, a girl I liked suggested I should get a perm (hey, they were cool at the time!). After looking like Shirley Temple for a month, I never gave a crap about my hair again, because it could never look that bad even if I did nothing to it (and so I don't).

1. How are you planning to spend the summer? Riding my new motorcycle.

2. What was your first summer job? Picking cherries (to this day I have not been able to eat cherries, after getting sick on them all those years ago!).

3. If you could go anywhere this summer, where would you go? Australia and New Zealand. I was planning to go this summer, but cancelled so that I could afford the down-payment on my new motorcycle. I still hope to go next year.

4. What was your worst vacation ever? I can't recall ever having a bad vacation!

5. What was your best vacation ever? I've been very fortunate to have gone so many wonderful places but, if forced to choose, I'd have to say the trip I took to Thailand with my brother was the best vacation I've ever had. It was a life-changing trip that still affects me even today.

1. What were your favorite childhood stories? Anything to do with mystery and/or magic.

2. What books from your childhood would you like to share with [your] children? There were a number of worthy books I remember enjoying as a kid... The Secret Seven and The Fabulous Five series by Enid Blyton; The Encyclopedia Brown series by Donald J. Sobol; and the Half Magic series by Edward Eager to name a few.

3. Have you re-read any of those childhood stories and been surprised by anything? Just at how well they hold up for entertainment value over time. Especially the Curious George books, which are just as fun now as when I was a kid!

4. How old were you when you first learned to read? In kindergarten.

5. Do you remember the first 'grown-up' book you read? I had read a kid's book on Greek mythology while in grade school and was hungry for more, but the school library didn't have any other books on the subject. My mom took me to the public library where all I found was a more "adult" mythology books, so I checked them out instead. I remember it being a heck of a struggle to make it through those books, but the payoff was well worth the effort.How old were you? I have no idea... the 4th grade maybe?

1. Do you remember your first best friend? Of course.

2. Are you still in touch with this person? Not really. We see each other on the street from time to time, but have long since outgrown the things we had in common that made us such good friends.

3. Do you have a current close friend? Sure.

4. How did you become friends with this person? They were a friend to other friends I had at the time.

5. Is there a friend from your past that you wish you were still in contact with? Absolutely. Why? He died far too young.

1. When was the last time you cheated? After thinking for a bit, I can honestly say I don't know... so it must have been quite a while ago. I firmly believe that cheating only harms yourself, and that if you must cheat to get through life, it's probably worth your time to figure out why that is (and even more important, what you can do to change it).

2. When was the last time you stole? That I can recall, I have never stolen anything. I guess I was raised right? In any event, stealing brings harm to another person, which is something I will avoid at all costs.

3. When was the last time you lied? In general, I find that life is much simpler when you do not lie, but not so long ago, I did not tell the full truth in order to spare somebody's feelings (which I suppose it as good as lying).

4. When was the last time you broke or vandalized another's property? That I know of, I have never intentionally done either, but I'm sure there have been times I've accidentally broke something belonging to another.

5. When was the last time you hurt a loved one? This is yet another thing I strive to avoid, as my spiritual beliefs are such that bringing harm to another person is a grave offense. That being said, I have brought harm to somebody when I thought it would save them from even greater harm.

1. If your life were a movie, what would the title be? Let's go with Being Dave Malkovich.

2. What songs would be on the soundtrack? I love the soundtrack for the film About a Boy (by Badly Drawn Boy), and think it would be a good swipe for the movie of my life. As for the musical score on my film, it would have to be by master film scorer Eric Serra (The Big Blue, The Fifth Element, Goldeneye) or Vangellis (Chariots of Fire, Bladerunner).

3. Would it be a live-action film or animated? Does it really make a difference now-a-days? Why? Computer special effects are so advanced now it might as well be live-action! Of course, if Hayao Miyazaki wanted to animate my life's story, I would absolutely not complain.

4. Casting: who would play you, members of your family, friends, etc? As long as I could play myself, and my girlfriend was played by Elizabeth Hurley, I wouldn't care who else was in the movie.

5.Describe the movie preview/trailer. I can't even guess... but there should be a lot of explosions.

1. What time do you wake up on weekday mornings? Between 6 and 6:30am.

2. Do you sleep in on the weekends? Rarely. How late? When I do "sleep in," it's never later than 9:30am.

3. Aside from waking up, what is the first thing you do in the morning? Put on my glasses, then grab my PowerBook so I can check e-mail and see what's new in the world.

4. How long does it take to get ready for your day? If I bypass my PowerBook routine in the morning, it takes me about 15 minutes to get cleaned up and dressed.

5. When possible, what is your favorite place to go for breakfast? Nothing beats a good bagel with cream cheese for breakfast, and the best bagels in the world are in New York City.

1. What's the last place you traveled to, outside your own home state/country? State: Wisconsin. Country: England.

2. What's the most bizarre/unusual thing that's ever happened to you while traveling? I have literally hundreds of bizarre stories I could tell, because I travel quite a lot. If forced to pick one, I'd have to say the time I got interrogated on the train out of Germany by border guards because of a Steiff Teddy Bear I bought for my mother is near the top of my list!

3. If you could take off to anywhere, money and time being no object, where would you go? I am a real travel bargain hunter, so money isn't really the problem... it's always time. So, if I were given unlimited time and had to spend it in one place, I would probably choose to explore Italy. The art and architecture of this amazing country completely mesmerizes me, and it would be easy to spend a few years there taking it all in.

4. Do you prefer traveling by plane, train or car? Motorcycle. But since that's not a choice, I guess I'd have to say train.

5. What's the next place on your list to visit? This Sunday I take off to L.A. for work, but if you're talking about personal travel, I hope to visit Spain and Portugal this winter.

1. How much time do you spend online each day? My home and work computers are connected to the internet 24/7, and always getting information that's fed to various apps and data sources... so I guess you could say that I am online constantly. If you mean general surfing/e-mail type stuff, that's probably about 2-4 hours off-and-on in a day (and that time is going down, because I'd rather be riding my motorcycle than surfing!).

2. What is your browser homepage set to? Google (though my windows open to a blank page, since Apple's Safari web browser has a Google bar built in.

3. Do you use any instant messaging programs? Yes. If so, which one(s)? Once you've used Apple's iChat A/V there's just no going back to any other IM software.

4. Where was your first webpage located? CompuServe (well, it was kind of a web page... more like an information page... but that's as close as you could get back in 1984!).

5. How long have you had your current website? DaveWeb has been around in one form or another since 1992 (but the domain "DaveWeb.com" wasn't registered until 1997, which is when I decided to use it as the name of my graphic design business and apply for a trademark).

1. When was the last time you laughed? Just now when I read how inane this week's questions were.

2. Who was the last person you had an argument with? An idiot telemarketer who would not take "no" for an answer.

3. Who was the last person you e-mailed? Me! Last night I came across a great deal and wanted to be sure I would remember it, so I e-mailed it to myself.

4. When was the last time you bathed? I take a shower every day...I can't remember the last bath I had.

5. What was the last thing you ate? Dinner... two Hawaiian sweet bread buns with Spanish rice and cheddar cheese in-between.

1. Are you going to school this year? Uhhhh... no.

2. If yes, where are you going (high school, college, etc.)? If no, when did you graduate? 1984.

3. What are/were your favorite school subjects? School was pretty boring because the classes all seemed so rudimentary. The only "classes" I enjoyed were my advanced independent studies, where I could study what interested me.

4. What are/were your least favorite school subjects? I enjoyed home economics least of all.

5. Have you ever had a favorite teacher? Why was he/she a favorite? I was blessed to have a series of incredible elementary teachers... Kindergarten: Mrs. Beck, 1st: Mrs. Jones, 2nd: Mrs. Green, 3rd: Mrs. Cummings, 4th: Mr. Rogers. Middle School was a complete boring waste of time that killed my desire to ever go to school again but, when I got to High School, Mr. Brooks renewed my love of mathematics and learning in general, so I guess he'd get the top spot.

Since the Friday Five has been pretty lame lately, I've noticed a few other Fivers have turned to the Bernard Pivot Questionnaire, made famous by James Lipton on his show Inside the Actor's Studio.

What is your favorite word? "Frotz." It was the magical spell of light from the old Infocom game "Enchanter" (and its equally excellent sequels, "Sorcerer" and "Spellbreaker"). To this day I still love the sound of it (yeah, I'm a geek... get over it). If you need a real word, it would have to be "malaria" I watched a movie once where a character had said that "malaria was the most beautiful word in the English language" and, after thinking about it for a minute, I had to agree (though I think the word is actually of Italian origin). If anybody remembers the name of that movie, let me know.

What is your least favorite word? "Empowerment." It sums up everything I hate about all those sappy motivational "empowerment" posters that are supposed to make you fall in love with the idea of idiotic corporate buzzwords like "Teamwork," "Perseverance" and "Commitment." Every time I see one these laughable prints, I want to gag and then crap on it (the parodies, however, are priceless!). If employees were truly empowered, they wouldn't need a poster to tell them about it.

What turns you on? Literally, Elizabeth Hurley... I cannot get past my obsession with her. Figuratively, kindness turns me on. It is so easy to be cruel, hurtful, or destructive... but stumbling across true acts of kindness reaffirms my faith in humanity and turns me on to our possibilities.

What sound do you love? Elizabeth Hurley saying anything in that kickin' English accent of hers. Sometimes while I am working, I'll put on her movie Bedazzled for background noise (which is stupid, because I'll just end up watching the film again and not get any work done at all, but hey... it's not like anyone ever gets tired of watching her, even in mediocre and predictable films like this).

What sound do you hate? Honking horns and train whistles... particularly in the middle of the night when I am trying to get some sleep.

What is your favorite curse word? Muthaf#@%er. I truly wish it wasn't but, whenever the shit hits the fan, that's the word that pops out of my mouth.

What profession other than yours would you like to attempt? Translator. I love words and languages, and it would be pretty cool to have a career that would allow me to travel the world, meet new people, experience new cultures, and learn new languages.

What profession would you not like to participate in? Politician. I'd rather die than be associated with the slimy crack-heads that seem to litter the American Political machine.

If heaven exists, what would you like to hear god say when you arrive at the pearly gates? Took you long enough, bitch! (I'd like to think that god has some street cred to him).

1. What housekeeping chore(s) do you hate doing the most? Ironing. I am incapable of ironing a shirt, and it always ends up looking more wrinkled than when I started.

2. Are there any that you like or don't mind doing? Not really.

3. Do you have a routine throughout the week or just clean as it's needed? When needed.

4. Do you have any odd cleaning/housekeeping quirks or rules? DVDs must be kept in alphabetical order.

5. What was the last thing you cleaned? The glass on my television.

1. Is the name you have now the same name that's on your birth certificate? If not, what's changed? Same name... "David Simmer II," though I usually leave off the "II" at the end for day-to-day use.

2. If you could change your name (first, middle and/or last), what would it be? I had changed my name for some comic book work I did to "Maach Allon Dyson," but wouldn't change it to that permanently.

3. Why were you named what you were? (Is there a story behind it? Who specifically was responsible for naming you?) I was named after my father, but my parents didn't want me to be "Junior" so that's how I got "II" after my name.

4. Are there any names you really hate or love? What are they and why? I like the name Emily quite a lot for a woman, but don't know why.

5. Is the analysis of your name at kabalarians.com/triggur.org/astroexpert accurate? How or how isn't it? The kabalarians.com analysis is laughably inaccurate for the most part...

Your first name of David has given you a very practical, hard-working, systematic nature (well that's true). Your interests are focused on technical, mechanical, and scientific things (also true), to the exclusion of interests of an artistic, musical, or social nature (load of crap... I am an artist for a living and love social interaction!). You have a rather skeptical outlook on life and rather materialistic standards (not really... I study Buddhist teachings which is the exact opposite of this). In reaching your goals, you are very independent and resourceful, patient and determined (as my friends will tell you, I am one of the most IMPATIENT people on earth!). You can be so very positive and definite in your own ideas and opinions that others sense a lack of tact and friendliness in your manner of expression (not really... I strive very hard to see other people's opinions, which comes from all the foreign travel I take). You are inclined to be rather demanding and self-centred in your personal wants, and your own desires can be so overriding that you fail to recognize or appreciate the feelings, opinions, or desires of others (not me at all... in fact, this goes against much of what I stand for). As a consequence, difficulties in relations within the family or with close associates can arise (whatever).

Given how bad that analysis is, I think I'll skip the other two.

1. Who is your favorite singer/musician? After all these years, I still love Depeche Mode's music above all others. Why? At a time when I was going through a very difficult period, DM's music made my life a little better.

2. What one singer/musician can you not stand? There are so many... most of them country, but I think Garth Brooks is at the top of the list. Why? I hate that twangy crap, and Garth Brooks' popularity made life unbearable for several years a while back.

3. If your favorite singer wasn't in the music business, do you think you would still like him/her as a person? I have seen Depeche Mode in concert a few times, but don't know any of them personally, so I couldn't say.

4. Have you been to any concerts? Many. If yes, who put on the best show? Unquestionably the best concert I have ever seen was Depeche Mode's 101 tour. It was amazing in every way, and sounded better live than most bands sound in a studio. Fortunately, they released the concert on video AND released the soundtrack, so I can re-live the experience whenever I want.

5. What are your thoughts on downloading free music online vs. purchasing albums? Do you feel the RIAA is right in its pursuit to stop people from dowloading free music? I feel that artists deserve to be paid for their work. If they can't make a living at it, then how will they be able to make more music? But the RIAA is full of crap for going after music traders... it's the wrong approach, and they should solve the problem by offering a better solution than stealing. I try to own all the music I listen to, but sometimes it is just not possible, so I find a source to download it. For instance, if I want the album "Living in the Background" by Baltimora, but there is no way to buy it... it's long out of print, and I can't even order it. All I can do is pay $100 to somebody on eBay (of which -$0- goes to the artist) which is absurd (especially since they probably just ripped an MP3 from it before they sold it anyway!). If record companies made their entire libraries available for digital download at a reasonable price, I think that music theft would drop dramatically. But, being the greedy, controlling, bastards they are... they'd rather have the RIAA do their dirty work and go after people who don't really have much choice than to steal tunes they can't buy.

1. What vehicle do you drive? A 2003 BMW F650-GS motorcycle (though I will be driving my 1999 Saturn SC-2 once the weather turns to snow).

2. How long have you had it? The motorcycle since June of this year (about 3-1/2 months), the car for just over 4 years now.

3. What is the coolest feature on your vehicle? Well, everything is cool about my motorcycle... but if forced to choose right now, I'd have to say the heated hand grips (as it's getting pretty cold, especially in the mornings). As for my car, I'd have to say it's best feature is reliability (I have not had a single problem with it since I bought it).

4. What is the most annoying thing about your vehicle? For my motorcycle, I'd have to say the fact that I won't be able to ride it in the winter is annoying (well, I could ride it, but I wouldn't feel at all safe doing so). The Saturn SC-2 has a few annoyances: 1) The sun visors don't extend into the gap above the rear-view mirror (stupid). 2) It has a turning radius of a semi-truck with two trailers (you make a LOT of 3-point turns with this car). 3) There is no way to turn off the freakin' car alarm if you don't have the key fob... even if you have an actual key (really stupid). 4) The side mirror for the passenger is electronically controlled, but the driver's mirror is manual (and a tough reach... even with long arms like mine). 5) The seats should be more adjustable for taller people like me (hey, I understand Japanese cars not really "fitting" us giant gai-jin, but Saturns are made in America!).

5. If money were no object, what vehicle would you be driving right now? Well, for my motorcycle, I am driving my dream machine right now (though, it's still new, so if you ask me again next year that may change! Heaven only knows I've been dreaming of Ducati and Harleys most of my life!). As for my car... that's tough. Probably a BMW Z4 Roadster 3.0i. Or maybe a Porsche Carrera GT (though I wouldn't refuse a 911 Turbo!). Then there's the Jaguar X-Type that I've liked for a very long time. And if we're talking vintage, there's always the 1967 Corvette 427 (and I wouldn't care if it was the Coupe or the Big Block Roadster!). Ack! I haven't even got to the Alfa Romeo 156 GTA or the Audi TT! The list goes on and on... I love the artistic lines of a great sports car, but if I ever were insane enough to sell everything I own (and go into debt for the rest of my life) to own one... I'd probably be too paranoid to ever drive it anywhere. That's why I stick with cars like my Saturn. Sure I would be upset if somebody plowed into it, but I wouldn't be devastated the way I would if I had my dream car. Motorcycles are a little different, because the risk of driving one is so much higher than a car in the first place that I figured I might as well go for that BMW I've wanted for the past 14 years!!

1. Do you watch sports? Not really. If so, which ones? Does "The Amazing Race" count?

2. What/who are your favorite sports teams and/or favorite athletes? If forced to choose, I'd have to say the Seattle Mariners are about as close as I can get to having a favorite sports team (when they're playing well, that is). As for athletes... gee, there are so many good role models out there right now... where do I start?

3. Are there any sports you hate? Most all of them... but "professional" wrestling would have to be the bottom of the barrel as far as I'm concerned.

4. Have you ever been to a sports event? In high school, I went to a lot of events. After that, not so much. I've been to a dozen or so Seattle games in baseball, football and basketball.

5. Do/did you play any sports (in school or other)? How long did you play? In middle school I was in basketball for one season, in high school I was in track & field for two seasons. I enjoyed it well enough, but have weak ankles that made it difficult to continue on.

1. Name five things in your refrigerator. King's Hawaiian Sweet Bread hamburger buns, bottled water, Hunts ketchup, Best Foods mayonnaise (known as "Hellmann's" to you on the East Coast), and Diane's extra thin corn tortillas.

2. Name five things in your freezer. Schwan's Quick Fries, Morningstar Farms meatless sausage patties, American Classic Boca Burgers, Quincy frozen corn, and a box of orange, cherry, and grape Popsicle brand popsicles.

3. Name five things under your kitchen sink. Rubbermaid plastic garbage can, aluminum can recycling bag, Windex cleaner, Fantastic all-purpose cleaner, and a dish sponge.

4. Name five things around your computer. Eric Meyer on CSS book, my iPod, a Hard Rock Las Vegas Hotel & Casino plastic gambling cup (filled with spare change), a spindle of Sony CD-R media, and the keys to my BMW F650-GS motorcycle.

5. Name five things in your medicine cabinet. AquaFresh Extreme Clean toothpaste, AcuVue disposable contact lenses, Johnson & Johnson cinnamon-flavored waxed dental floss, American Crew pomade, and Philosophy "Hope in a Jar" moisturizer (amazing, amazing stuff... my friend Mary recommended it when I noticed my face drying out after rides on my motorcycle this summer).

1. What was your first Halloween costume? I have no clue... undoubtedly it was embarassing, like a bunny or something when I was a baby.

2. What was your best costume and why? A vampire. It was around the time that the "Interview with a Vampire" film was released, and I went for broke and got some really impressive teeth and contact lenses to add to the makeup and clothing... it was my best costume because it was by far my most expensive ever.

3. Did you ever play a trick on someone who didn't give you a treat? Kind of... a teacher in High School stuck us with a surprise test on Halloween, so we toilet-papered their house that night.

4. Do you have any Halloween traditions? (ie: Family pumpkin carving, special dinner before trick or treating, etc.) When I was younger, it was a big deal each year for my mom to dress me and my brother up and take us out for a trick-or-treating spree.

5. Share your favorite scary story...real or legend! This is a true story: we still have another year left of the George Bush presidency! The end.

1. What food do you like that most people hate? Tofu.

2. What food do you hate that most people love? Coffee and anything coffee flavored.

3. What famous person, whom many people may find attractive, is most unappealing to you? Laura Flynn Boyle (Holy crap! Eat a cookie, woman!).

4. What famous person, whom many people may find unappealing, do you find attractive? Marge Simpson (don't ask me why).

5. What popular trend baffles you? Country music.

1. Using one adjective, describe your current living space. Oridinary.

2. Using two adjectives, describe your current employer. Demanding. Unrealistic.

3. Using three adjectives, describe your favorite hobby/pastime. Liberating. Exciting. Consuming.

4. Using four adjectives, describe your typical day. Routine. Exhausting. Long. Stressful.

5. Using five adjectives, describe your ideal life. Fulfilling. Helpful. Comfortable. Worthy. Healthy.

1. List five things you'd like to accomplish by the end of the year. The year is almost over, and I am traveling for most of it, so there isn't much time left for accomplishing much at all. So I suppose that just surviving the year would be enough for me.

2. List five people you've lost contact with that you'd like to hear from again. I could easily come up with five people I'd like to hear from again but, out of respect for their privacy, I won't list their names here.

3. List five things you'd like to learn how to do. Motorcycle repair. Speak Japanese. Write a novel. Program in ActionScript. Illustrate on scratchboard.

4. List five things you'd do if you won the lottery (no limit). No limit AT ALL?!? Hmmm... starting small here: Ensure a comfortable future for my family and friends. Give an Apple Macintosh computer to every person I meet. See to it that no child ever goes hungry and has a safe place to sleep. Never work for money again. See the world.

5. List five things you do that help you relax. Watch my Tivo DVR recording of the day's Ellen Degeneres show. Listen to my music collection on my iPod. Read an Edgar Rice Burroughs novel. Leave the country. Draw.

1. Do you like to shop? No. Why or why not? Because all of the stuff I need to buy I can get without all the hassle by purchasing online (and even that is more effort than I want to make). On top of that, anything I would really want to shop for is too expensive for me to actually buy, which is no fun at all (though, looking can be fun when it's electronics, motorcycles, or car).

2. What was the last thing you purchased? A news suitcase. My old one, which I love, is starting to fall apart a bit (in its defense, the poor thing has been around the world several times).

3. Do you prefer shopping online or at an actual store? Online. Why? It saves time and money.

4. Did you get an allowance as a child? Sure. How much was it? I haven't a clue... I suppose it depended on how many chores I completed that week/month.

5. What was the last thing you regret purchasing? My piece of crap Panasonic DVD Recorder... it was a lemon right out of the box, took Panasonic a month to fix, and should really be much better than it is for the money I spent. Every day I regret not buying one from Sony or Pioneer. I will never, ever buy anything from the crap factory of Panasonic again.

1. Do you enjoy the cold weather and snow for the holidays? Hell no. You can't ride a motorcycle in the snow and I couldn't give a crap about the holidays.

2. What is your ideal holiday celebration? Getting drunk at a strip club. How, where, with whom would you celebrate to make things perfect? A strip club in Maui with Elizabeth Hurley and a bottle of Jägermeister would be good.

3. Do you do have any holiday traditions? No. Well, dinner at grandma's house.

4. Do you do anything to help the needy? Sometimes.

5. What one gift would you like for yourself? World peace. And I'm not kidding about that.

1. List your five favorite beverages. Water. Suntory Fruits Party and Suntory Orange (from Japan). A&W Root Beer. Jägermeister. Yoohoo.

2. List your five favorite websites. Maddox. The Onion. Exploding Dog. Gizmodo. Ze Frank.

3. List your five favorite snack foods. Meiji Karl (Curl) chips (Original Corn Flavor). Pirate's Booty. Pocky (Almond Crush Flavor). U-No Chocolate Bars. Botan Ame Rice Candy.

4. List your five favorite board and/or card games. Canasta. Sequence. Cosmic Encounter. Auction. Mille Bornes.

5. List your five favorite computer and/or game system games. Final Fantasy Tactics. Warlords III. Mario Diablo II. WarCraft III. StarCraft.

1. What was your biggest accomplishment this year? Surviving it.

2. What was your biggest disappointment? Having to cancel plans for a trip to Australia yet again.

3. What do you hope the new year brings? Peace.

4. Will you be making any New Year's resolutions? No. If yes, what will they be? If I were into making resolutions, it would probably have something to do with finishing my book.

5. What are your plans for New Year's Eve? To party with some friends.

1. What one thing are you most looking forward to... today? Getting off work.

2. ... over the next week? The only thing I am looking forward to next week is it ending.

3. ... this year? A few more Hard Rock visits and seeing a bit more of the world.

4. ... over the next five years? Finally finishing my book.

5. ... for the rest of your life? Finding happiness without it having come at the expense of others.

1. What does it say in the signature line of your e-mails? Dave2. I used to have my favorite quote of all time: "No matter where you go, there you are" at the bottom (from the most excellent movie Buckaroo Banzai), but dropped it a few months ago.

2. Did you have a senior quote in your high school yearbook? No. What was it? If you haven't graduated yet, what would you like your quote to be? If Buckaroo Banzai had been released before I graduated, then it would have been the same quote as above but, as it were, I just signed my name.

3. If you had vanity plates on your car, what would they read? If you already have them, what do they say? If I were to get them for my car, they would say "F650GS" which is the model of my motorcycle that I'd rather be riding than driving in a car in the first place.

4. Have you received any gifts with messages engraved upon them? Once that I can think of... it was on a metal picture frame. What did the inscription say? "You are my world." It was really sweet, but the woman who gave it to me destroyed it when we broke up.

5. What would you like your epitaph to be? "He made a difference."

At this moment, what is your favorite...

1. Song? At this very moment it would have to be You're Mine by A Flock of Seagulls from their Light at the End of the World album. VH1 is getting old bands back together, and ever since I heard Flock would be one of them, I've been listening to their music... this song has been kind of stuck in my head ever since.

2. Food? Totino's has out a new "Four Cheese" pizza that I've been currently consuming at a rate of about 3-4 a week. For those unfamiliar with the brand, Totino's makes these nasty pizzas you can often find on sale for around $1.00... they taste like crap, but I somehow like them anyway.

3. TV Show? I am totally addicted to Alias.

4. Scent? Vanilla.

5. Quote? I doubt my favorite quote will ever change... it's been the same for decades: "No matter where you go, there you are." —Buckaroo Banzai.

You have just won one million dollars...

1. Who do you call first? The BMW dealership.

2. What is the first thing you buy for yourself? A BMW Z4 Roadster Convertable 3.0i.

3. What is the first thing you buy for someone else? Airline tickets.

4. Do you give any away? Absolutely. If yes, to whom? Probably some charities promoting animal conservation or child welfare.

5. Do you invest any? Yes. If so, how? Whatever my new investment broker thinks will be a good idea, so long as it doesn't involve weapon producing or environmental damaging companies.

1. What's the most daring thing you've ever done? I'm tempted to say skydiving, but compared to asking for a date, that's a piece of cake. Nothing is more daring or terrifying than that awful moment of vulnerability where you ask a woman out... I keep thinking I will find something worse, but it hasn't happened yet.

2. What one thing would you like to try that your mother/friend/significant other would never approve of? Well, my mother probably doesn't approve of skydiving, motorcycles, or some of the trips I take, so I suppose it's a little late to try and figure that one out.

3. On a scale of 1-10, what's your risk factor? (1=never take risks, 10=it's a lifestyle)? When I was younger, I'd say it was a hard 8... but now I'm probably more of a 5. I don't avoid risks when they come up, but I don't go actively seeking them anymore either.

4. What's the best thing that's ever happened to you as a result of being bold/risky? I had one of the most memorable days of my life.

5. ... and what's the worst? I got the crap beat out of me. Twice.

1. Are you superstitious? No. Well, maybe. I have a map of the world on my office wall where I stick a flag pin for each Hard Rock Cafe I visit. I always stick the pin in before I take the trip, with the thinking that if the pin is already in the map, I'll make it home safely. But that's more of a tradition and superstition I think.
2. What extremes have you heard of someone going to in the name of superstition? It is said that if thirteen people sit down at a dinner together that one will die before the year is through. When I was in a restaurant in New York, a woman stood up and started screaming, then left the restaurant while a few people ran after her. Eventually the reason she was screaming made its way through the restaurant... half way through the meal, she realized that there were 13 sitting at her table and she thought she was going to die. If she really believed that, then maybe she did.
3. Believer or not, what's your favorite superstition? That if you don't hold your breath and stick two fingers in the air while driving through a tunnel, you'll have a wreck.
4. Do you believe in luck? I believe that people make their own luck, so yes. If yes, do you have a lucky number/article of clothing/ritual? I have a Helly-Hanson baseball cap and a pair of Joe Boxer underwear with Hawaiian TikiBowl & Bowlerama signs on them that I like to think are pretty lucky.
5. Do you believe in astrology? Not really. Why or why not? While I do find Chinese astrology to be eerily accurate for myself and several people I know, I honestly don't believe that there are any outside forces controlling our lives, nor that our destiny is predetermined or predictable in any way. I was born in the Year of the Horse and am a Fire Sign, which I am told is a unique thing... "Horses born under the element sign of fire are said to be blessed with great fortune or cursed will great misfortune. Sometimes they are served both, but in any event, a fire horse will never lead a 'normal' life." Isn't that the truth.

When was the last time you...

1. Went to the doctor? I have no idea... it's been years since I've seen a doctor-doctor.

2. Went to the dentist? I go every six months and my next appointment is in March, so I guess that would be September 2003.

3. Filled your gas tank? That was this past Sunday... Valentine's Day. I am really looking forward to driving my motorcycle again so I don't have to waste so much money on gas.

4. Got enough sleep? Probably my last night in Japan a few months ago... I got back to the hotel room early, and had a late afternoon flight the next day so all I did was sleep until then. That would be December 8th.

5. Backed up your computer? According to my log file, my PowerBook was last backed up on Friday, February 6th. I don't back it up very often because all the projects on it are written to my Apple iDisk, which are then backed up by Apple's .Mac servers. I have never had to restore from a backup on any Macintosh computer I have ever owned, so I don't really worry about backing up as much as I probably should.

Yet another week without a Friday Five. Bizarre that they don't ever seem to have any sets of questions in reserve for those times when there is "too much going on." Since the questions come from reader suggestions, it doesn't seem like it would take much time at all. Oh well. I decided to make my own "Friday Five" from suggestions found on Blog Ideas. This can be dangerous, because their ideas can be a bit odd, but I'll give it a shot...

1. How good is your penmanship? Not so good now that everything I "write" is typed out on a computer. In the 80's I had swell penmanship for printing... I've always sucked at cursive.

2. Have you ever seen a dead body? Unfortunately, yes... but surprisingly, it was not because I killed anybody!

3. How do you feel about being naked? I'm fine with it. The question that you should be asking is how do other people feel about me being naked.

4. The perfect pizza? As I've blogged before... pizza perfection is the "Da Vinci" (Feta cheese, basil pesto, fresh tomato, and mozzarella) from David's Pizza in Spokane, Washington. Yes, really.

5. Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours? That's a no-brainer... Elizabeth Hurley. I would gladly be tied to such brutal hotness for the rest of my life.

What was...
1. Your first grade teacher's name? Mrs. Jones.
2. Your favorite Saturday morning cartoon? Super Friends. "Wonder Twin powers... activate!"
3. The name of your best friend? There were several kids on my block and all could be considered "best friends" while I was growing up.
4. Your favorite breakfast cereal? Cocoa Puffs. This was the most awesome cereal ever, until they made it "more chocolatey" which made them taste like plastic. Ugh.
5. Your favorite thing to do after school? In elementary school, it was playing outside (with gobs of friends). In junior high, it was playing video games (with one or two friends). In high school, it was playing on my computer (by myself). Don't you find it curious how escalating technology advancement seems to isolate us from physical interaction?

1. What was the last song you heard? Stop Crying Your Heart Out from the album Heathen Chemistry by Oasis.
2. What were the last two movies you saw? On DVD that would be The Sweetest Thing: Unrated Version and Once Upon a Time in Mexico (again).
3. What were the last three things you purchased? Apples, bananas, and some Quaker chocolate rice cakes.
4. What four things do you need to do this weekend? Pack a suitcase, drive to Seattle, see a concert with my friends, then drive home.
5. Who are the last five people you talked to? (In reverse order)... My mother, a co-worker, my boss, the cashier at the grocery store, a good friend.

If you...
1. ...owned a restaurant, what kind of food would you serve?? Vegetarian versions of "regular" fast food: burgers, tacos, et-cetera.
2. ...owned a small store, what kind of merchandise would you sell? Imported Japanese candies and snacks.
3. ...wrote a book, what genre would it be? Sci-Fi.
4. ...ran a school, what would you teach? Geometry.
5. ...recorded an album, what kind of music would be on it? 80's pop.

Yet another Friday Five with no Friday Five... I don't get it. If the questions are suggested by reader submission, how hard is it to pick a set and post it? Oh well, I will pick my OWN set of questions and call it "FREDAG FEM" which, if you had a Norwegian dictionary, would make perfect sense. In keeping with the theme of "none this week," here we go...

1. If you had to go without your main mode of transportation next week, how would you get around? Since the snow melted, I ride my motorcycle everywhere. If I had to do without it, I guess I'd go back to using my car for the week.
2. If you could spend next week without commitment or obligation (work, appointments, etc.), what would you do instead? My first instinct would be to say I'd spend the week on a motorcycle trip somewhere, but I think I would actually end up visiting with friends for a few days and then coming back home to clean up my messy apartment.
3. If you could live next week without fear, what would you do then that you're too afraid to do now? Quit my job, sell everything I own, then move to Edinburgh, Scotland to try out a new life that's completely different from the one I have now.
4. If you had to spend next week without any of your non-essential possessions (clothing, food, etc.) except one "luxury item", what would you choose? There is no one thing that I couldn't live without for a week, but I think I would take my sunglasses because bright light gives me a headache. I would have chosen my motorcycle, but it's illegal to ride without a helmet here, and that would be two items.
5. If you had to go without internet access next week, what would you fill all that spare time with? I spend a lot of time online, so I could probably run through several books that I've been meaning to read.

There, that's better. I suppose that if there is no Friday Five again next week, I'll have to go for "VRIJDAG VIJF" which, if you had a Dutch dictionary would make perfect sense.

1. Who is your favorite super-hero from cartoons, comics, or television? It's a tie between two you probably have never heard of... Ultra Boy, who is a member of the futuristic Legion of Super-Heroes (he's kind of like Superman, but is far more interesting because he can only use one super power at a time!)... and Airwave, who is nephew to original Green Lantern of the Silver Age of comics, Hal Jordan.

I wonder if Friday Five has gone down permanently?

1. What do you do for a living? I'm a graphic designer.
2. What do you like most about your job? Being creative.
3. What do you like least about your job? Long hours.
4. When you have a bad day at work it's usually because...? I'm behind -- again -- because other people wait until the last minute when they need something and I have to drop everything else to fit it in my overwhelmingly busy schedule.
5. What other career(s) are you interested in? Photojournalist or translator.

I still cannot figure out what is so astoundingly difficult about The Friday Five that "April is a busy month" is a rational excuse not to post five simple questions. I think people are going to start abandoning it if this keeps up. Anyway, I am once again going to post up my own questions so I don't get out of the habit. I was talking with some people about the end of the television show Friends yesterday, so maybe that's a timely topic?

1. What is your favorite episode of Friends? That is amazingly difficult because there have been so many excellent episodes (particularly in the early days), but "The One Where Everybody Finds Out" is the one I most often think of when I think of the show now... it's the one where Phoebe accidently finds out about Monica and Chandler's relationship, so she conspires with Rachel to mess with them by pretending to be attracted to Chandler. Not only do you get a hilarious faux-seduction scene with Phoebe and Chandler, you also get Chandler and Monica saying they love each other, which is a much more defining moment for the show to me that the whole Ross/Rachel thing. Close runners up would any of the "flashback" episodes and the shows where we get to see Phoebe with her twin sister Ursula.

2. Who is your favorite Friends character? That's a close call between Chandler and Phoebe... but in the end I'd have to say Chandler. Most of the funniest moments have him in them.

3. Who is your least favorite Friends character? ROSS... could he BE any more annoying? Though Monica does have her stupid moments too.

4. Which of the Friends characters are you most like? Just like Chandler, I also have disastrous luck with women and an often-inappropriate sense of humor.

5. If they were to make Friends all over again today with an entirely different cast, who would you like to see on the show? I can't imagine anybody else playing those parts but, just for fun, here's my go at it: Phoebe: Tara Reid plays ditsy well and, from her guest appearances on Scrubs, I know she could also have a serious side and fit into a group dynamic with no trouble. Monica: Caroline Dhavernas from the short-lived (but amazing) show Wonderfalls could easily bring another level of irony and wit to the character, all while making her less compulsive and whiny. Rachel: Jessica Alba would totally kick ass in this role. Chandler: This part is almost impossible to cast better than Matthew Perry, but I think The O.C. alum Adam Brody (who plays a similar character anyway) would be a good choice. Joey: The show always suffered a bit from a lack of diversity (as MOST shows do) so why not convert from a struggling actor to a struggling singer and put Usher in the mix? Ross: It's not hard to top David Schwimmer's whiny, spineless take on the character, and I think someone like Breckin Meyer could do a much better job of it.

Friends has had their ups and downs over the years, but very few American television programs have this consistent level of quality, so I will definitely miss it (though not too much, because I've been buying all the DVD sets!). In the end, it's probably best that they are calling it quits while the show is once again on a high note, but I can't help but wonder what would have happened if we would have gotten just one more season...

It seems that bloggers missing the Friday Five this week are searching for something else to fill the void. I received an e-mail telling me that a great place for blog questions is BZOINK!, which has lots of them. This one was called "Have You Ever?"

Have you ever hit someone forcefully?: Yes. It's easy when somebody is hitting you.
Have you ever thrown anything at a moving car?: Yes. But before you get too excited, it was a water balloon.
Have you ever been in a fist fight?: Yes. Twice. It is NOT like it looks in the movies.
Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?: Yes. My friends are THAT funny (when I've been drinking).
Have you ever hit an animal on the road?: No. Thankfully.
Have you ever seen a Beatles film?: Yes. A Hard Day's Night is classic.
Have you ever cussed?: Yes. Often.
Have you ever been on a subway?: Yes. It's kind of a hobby: Berlin, Boston, Kobe, Kyoto, London, Montreal, Nagoya, New York, Osaka, Paris, Rome, San Francisco, Singapore, Stockholm, Tokyo, Toronto, and Washington DC.
Have you ever taught a little kid to cuss?: No. Why in the hell would you do something like that?
Have you ever cheated on a test/exam?: Yes. But only because the teacher was a dick and penalized me for no good reason on a previous test. I had to make up for it somehow.
Have you ever skipped school?: Yes. Hasn't everybody?
Have you ever egged someones house?: Yes. Halloween, and it was that same dick-head teacher. I can't bring myself to regret it, even today.
Have you ever gotten a computer virus?: No. I use a Mac.
Have you ever cried for no reason at all?: No. Does being drunk count as a reason?
Have you ever missed someone?: Yes. All the time.

There's quite an assortment to choose from... including R-rated, political, and l-o-n-g (over 100 questions) surveys.

Okay then, it would seem that Heather has finally hung it up over at The Friday Five. Game over. That's really too bad and all, but if she didn't want to do it anymore, why not turn it over to somebody else? With the weekend looming, it's kind of nice to be able to create an entry without having to really think about it. Oh well.

When I first started Blogography, I didn't really know how to begin. My two previous blogs had failed because it was too difficult to maintain them and I never had good ideas as to what I should talk about. In surfing through other blogs out there, I came across The Friday Five... a great site that offered up new ideas for your blog every Friday. After a few test entries, my very first post to this blog was a Friday Fiver and, every week thereafter, I never missed a single one (no matter where in the world I was!).

But then tragedy struck... Friday Five ideas started coming out only rarely, and then stopped altogether in early May. I kept looking for something to take its place, but never managed to find anything. I fooled around with some fake Friday Five entries for a while, then gave up. Eventually I found out that there were other bloggers who were in the same situation, and started to get e-mails with suggestions and encouragement to post more ideas.

Thus, FridayQ was born...

If bloggers enjoy it and want to participate, I'll try to keep it going... or give it to somebody else if I can't. While comparisons to Friday Five are inevitable, I'm trying to make it a little unique by adding "FQ Challenges" each week... it could be a dare, or a quiz, or a project of some kind... or even something completely bizarre. I expect the site will evolve as I figure out what people like (or don't like) and change things around based on suggestions I get.

So feel free to give it a try and let me know what you think. More information is available in the FridayQ FAQ, and if you plan on being a regular participant or have an idea, be sure to let me know.

What is your favorite way to escape from everyday life? A good movie, and it doesn't matter if it's in the theater or on DVD at home. As long as the story is absorbing, it's an easy escape for me. Oddly enough, if asked the same question just five years ago my answer would have been "a good book." Am I getting lazy?

When was the last time you made an escape? Just last night. Where did you go? I've recently returned home from a month of traveling, and pulled my motorcycle back out of storage then rode around town for about a half-hour. Every time I hop on my bike it's an escape.

If you could escape to anywhere on earth right now, where would that be? I'm tempted to say Edinburgh, Scotland because it's my favorite place on earth right now. But I've been there a half-dozen times already, so I would probably pick someplace entirely new... perhaps the Greek Islands.

FQ DARE: Post your passport photo (or your driver's license photo if you don't have a passport). I don't take very good photos to begin with, but any photo that you're going to be stuck with for 4 years (driver's license) or 10 years (passport), is guaranteed to be even worse that usual. Oh well. Given that most of the time people see my passport I am jet-lagged to a near-comatose state, the photo probably looks better than I do to the poor immigration agent...

Now go take the FridayQ yourself... I double-dare you.

Do you play any musical instruments or have any musical talents? I played sax and clarinet in school band, but that's long-forgotten and I couldn't play a note now if I tried. I am finding a small amount of imitation musical talent playing with Apple's Garage Band software though. Whose musical talent would you most like to have? It's a toss-up between the vocal talent of Chris Martin from Coldplay or the song-writing ability of Martin Gore from Depeche Mode.

What was the last musical event you attended? Not counting the performance of a street musician in New York a few weeks back, I'd have to say it would be when I took my mother to see The Lion King in London's West End for Mother's Day in 2002. I haven't been to a proper concert in ages.

Give it up... to which musician would you most like to have an "all access pass" for the night? Gwen Stefani or any of the ladies from The Corrs (though I'm a bit partial to Sharon)...

FQ DARE: Reveal a musical artist or group that you are embarrassed to like. My musical tastes are pretty eclectic, but the most embarrassing would have to be the A*Teens. It's bubble-gum pop of the absolute most vapid, yet I find myself listening to them entirely too often recently.

FQ CHALLENGE: Mention the above artist or group in a comment you leave on some other blog, then provide the permalink URL where we can find it! (No fair lying about how much you think they suck and no cheating by leaving the comment on somebody else's FridayQ entry!). Extra creativity points for somehow working them into a completely unrelated conversation. How in the heck do you work A*Teens into any conversation? Somehow I managed it over at chaotic intransient prose bursts in this entry: http://blog.kung-foo.tv/archives/001009.php.

Take up the challenge yourself at the FridayQ!

What's your favorite electronic gadget that you own? Probably my iPod. It's amazing how I can carry around my entire music collection (so sweet while traveling). Which gadget do you wish you owned but don't? I want a mobile phone with a camera on it (like the SonyEricsson K700, my dream phone) so I can start a moblog.

What gadget do you wish somebody would invent so you could have one? A wireless power transformer, so my laptop can charge from any room in the apartment without being plugged into an outlet. That would be really cool. Which gadget do you wish had never been invented at all? Whatever it is in mobile phones that allow polyphonic ringtones to exist...

Do you consider yourself an electronic gadget junkie? Absolutely. How many gadgets are around/on you right now? At least a dozen. Looking around, I see 1) Apple iPod, 2) Motorola V60i mobile phone, 3) GameBoy Advance, 4) XboX, 5) DVD recorder, 6) Japanese to English Translator, 7) Canon EOS Digital Rebel Camera, 8) Canon Powershot IXUS 400 Camera, 9) Pocket Hard Drive, 10) Apple Airport Base Station, 11) Apple iSight A/V Chat Camera, 12) Apple Wireless Mouse & Keyboard.

FQ DARE: Reveal a trendy gadget you bought, but are now embarrassed to own/have owned. There are so many. Probably the worst was a $450 Sony Clie PDA... I thought it would change my life, but tossed it in a drawer after having owned it for just a week. It's not only embarrassing to think I was so enamored with it, but also a colossal waste of money and I should have known better. A close second would have to be my first MP3 Player which could only hold a maximum of 6 songs... totally useless, but I bought it anyway.

Lie about where you spent your last vacation. My last vacation was spent scuba diving around the private tropical paradise of Young Island off the coast of St. Vincent in the Caribbean.

Tell an untruth about your last romantic encounter. Whilst waiting for my yacht to be fueled in Barbados, I happened upon Elizabeth Hurley at the Monkey Bar in St. James. After a few drinks and some clever conversation, we retired to her luxury suite at the Sandy Lane Hotel for a romantic evening so incredible that the movie rights have been sold to Miramax.

Fib about the last gift you received. As thanks for the most amazing night of passion she has ever known, Elizabeth Hurley gave me a $16,000 Rolex Submariner Gold watch.

FQ DARE: This time tell the truth on all the above! My last real vacation was a trip to New Orleans with my mom last December. My last romantic encounter was with an ex-girlfriend who had just broken up with her current boyfriend and was looking for a rebounder a couple months ago. The last gift I received was a basket of fresh fruit.

You too can be a liar at the FridayQ!

What's the one thing above all others that drives you insane... that one dreaded event that causes you to completely lose your composure and want to kick, scream, and beat something with a big stick? Inconsiderate people will do it every time. You know... neighbors who slam their doors and play loud music at all hours... people who don't pay attention while driving... people who cut in line... things like that.

Is that all? Surely there is something else that will cause you to freak out! Here's your chance to vent and list a few other things that make you go nuts... Sadly, there are so many. Hotels that don't have high-speed internet access. People who don't mind their kids and just let them run amok. Restaurants that don't have meatless items on the menu. Idiots who drive in the passing lane when they are not passing anybody. Morons that scream into their mobile phones in public places. Asshats who don't turn their mobile ringer off in restaurants or theaters. Lazy people who don't get their work done. Stupid people who can't think for themselves. Annoying people who think they are the center of the universe and everything revolves around them. People who lie. People who use violence to solve their problems. Rednecks who feel their way is the only way, and everybody should think the way they do. Microsoft Windows. Chicken broth. Anything made by Panasonic. Censorship. Network television executives who cancel brilliant shows. Traffic. Rush Limbaugh. Animal cruelty. Stores that don't carry Yoo-Hoo. Indifference. Ignorance. Intollerance. Incompetence. I could go on and on...

When you've been driven crazy by something or someone... and are barely containing your frustration... is there anything you can do to calm down, dispell the rage, and be happy again? A motorcycle ride will make me forget about even the worst offenses.

FQ DARE: Admit it, you're not perfect... what is something you do that drives other people crazy? When I am focused on something, it is very hard for me to tear my attention away from what I'm doing, and I know it drives people insane when I ignore them like that. It's nothing personal, just don't bug me when I'm busy.

You too can vent your frustrations with the FridayQ!

Suggest something to read, something to watch... I just re-read Lightning by Dean Koontz and enjoyed it every bit as much as the first time (it's not his usual "horror genre" fare, but more of a science fiction tale with a nifty twist). If you want something to read right now, then head over to Belly Button Window which is a blog that captivated me for hours, and is as entertaining as a good book in many places. As for what to watch, if you have Showtime I highly recommend Dead Like Me which is starting its new season any day now.

Suggest someone to admire, someone to stare at... After wathing Spider-Man 2, I really admire movie director Sam Raimi, who has worked his way from cult favorite (with the Evil Dead films) to mainstream (with the Spider-Man films) and has managed not to sell out to moronic studio executives along the way. I can only imagine the stupid crap that was thrust upon him ("I know, let's make Spider-Man a Japanese school girl that turns into a real spider and spins a web over Tokyo and Brad Pitt plays a secret government agent sent to capture her!!"). I admire his courage in holding true to the source material because it gives me hope that future comic book adaptations might follow his lead and actually be worth watching! For someone to stare at, I can only suggest Elizabeth Hurley, who is completely stare-worthy.

Suggest someplace to go, someplace to avoid... Having just spent an amazing couple of days in Moab, Utah and the surrounding area, I would highly recommend it as a place to go. As for someplace to avoid, I will never again use the parking garage in the casino adjacent the Hard Rock Cafe in Niagara Falls, Canada... which is hands-down the most stupid, stupid, stupid parking garage on the face of the planet.

• Museum & Pioneer Village. The museum is nothing too special, but the real gem is Pioneer Village, which has a number of historic old structures which have been assembled (complete with period-accurate furnishings) into a village (of sorts) in a clearing beyond.
• Aplets & Cotlets Candy Factory. A Pacific Northwest candy kitchen that's been around for over 80 years which is open for tours and free samples.
• Downtown Cashmere. While most of the nifty shops and stores that used to line the streets have fled due to increasing competition from neighboring cities, it's still a nice area with "early American" theming that's worth a quick visit (and don't forget to have a maple bar at the Sure to Rise Bakery, which is still the best maple bar I've ever tasted in all my travels!).
• Riverfront Park. Used to be our garbage dump, until the landfill was buried and a very nice park area was built over the top... river rafting and tubing companies stop here, so if you take a trip from up-river, this is where you will end up.
• Leavenworth. Not the prison, but a small city about 20 minutes away that is a hugely popular tourist attraction because of its bavarian theming. They have several festivals throughout the year that draw large crowds of people from all over the state, my two favorites being the Autumn Leaf Festival and the beautiful Christmas Lightning Festival.

You too can be suggestive at the FridayQ!

Admit it, sometimes you are not the sharpest tool in the shed. What's something stupid you've done recently? (The FridayQ doesn't count!) I purchased an XboX and a bunch of games to go with it, knowing full well I'd never have time to play it. Sure enough, I've turned it on exactly once, and so there it sits gathering dust. Sigh. Perhaps once winter comes around I'll find time to play it?

Children do idiotic things all the time because they just can't seem to help it. What's something stupid you did as a kid? I once road my bicycle full-speed into the back of a car because a super-hero "Batman" mask I crafted out of a garbage bag started to come apart and completely covered my eyes. It never occurred to me to stop the freakin' bike once I couldn't see, which is pretty stupid.

Sometimes, being a bit of an idiot is required (or fun!). What's something stupid you will be doing in the future? Paying somebody to change the oil in my motorcycle because I haven't bothered to learn how to do it myself yet.

FQ OBSERVER: People are morons. Without naming names, what's something stupid you've seen somebody else do? I see people do stupid things all the time, but every once in a while I see an act of stupidity that defies my ability to comprehend. Last month while I was standing in line to Universal Studios Florida, I overheard the people ahead of me scheming how they were going to purchase their tickets. Here, to the best of my recollection, is what I had to listen to (names changed to protect the clueless):

Man: How much cash do you have?
Woman: I've only got five bucks!
Man: What the hell? How are we going to get in?
Woman: I think we've got enough on the VISA to get you and Timmy a ticket, and there's probably room on the other card for me and Billy.
Man: Cool. What are we going to do for dinner?
Woman: Eh, there's crap for the kids to eat in the car. We can just split a burger or something.

The conversation only went downhill from there and, once you notice that their kids are wearing dirty clothes that are all torn up and filled with holes... well, you kind of have to ask yourself what kind of morons these people are to be spending a couple hundred dollars to visit a theme park when they've got hungry kids that are desperately in need of some decent clothing. I can think of nothing more stupid than sacrificing the health and comfort of your own kids because you want to ride a roller coaster.

How have you decorated the walls of your living space (photos, posters, works of art, etc.)? Most walls in my apartment (and office at work) have prints by Robert Lyn Nelson on them. For quite a while during/after college, I was making annual vacations to Maui with my friends, and purchased a new Nelson print each trip. I think I have about seven of them scattered around. Other than that, I have a print of "The Flower Bearer" by Diego Rivera, which is one of my favorite paintings. In my bedroom I have movie posters from Pulp Fiction, Strange Days, and Field of Dreams.

How have you decorated your body, both intentionally (piercings, tattoos, etc.) and unintentionally (wounds, scars, etc.)? I had my ear pierced for many years, but finally removed it a while back for a wedding I was in. I don't have any tattoos, but have wanted one for a long time... so one day that will happen. I have a few assorted scars from my adventures, including one on my left thumb (where I attempted to saw it off, accidentally).

How have you decorated your computer's "desktop"? Post a snapshot if you want. I have my desktop display a random travel photo that recycles every hour or so. Of course, with all the Konfabulator gadgets I've got cluttering my desktop, you sometimes can't even see the photo, but it's under there somewhere! Oooh. Right now it's a shot of the most excellent Hard Rock Hotel and Beach Club from Bali...

FQ PROJECT: Decorate your blog today! Create some art with an online Etch-a-Sketch (like the one here) and post a snapshot of your efforts (or, if you're not an Etch-a-Sketch fan, draw us a picture using whatever you want). Wow. This was a lot tougher than I thought. I spent quite a lot of time getting the hang of the controls before I managed to squeeze out this instant masterpiece:

Whoa. I never thought it was possible for my beautiful motorcycle to look that bad.

Where did you live out your childhood years? I was born in San Diego, California, but only until I was four years old. My family then moved to Cashmere, Washington where I grew up.

As a child, what was your favorite toy, book, television show, and cartoon character? Toy would probably be my stuffed monkey Paula. Book is hands-down Curious George. Television show would be Captain Kangaroo. And cartoon character is probably Bugs Bunny.

Charm us with a favorite childhood memory... I'm getting old, so childhood memories are far and few between, but I do remember riding my tricycle while still living in San Diego. One time I got yelled at for one reason or another by a neighbor lady for riding down the sidewalk. The next time I rode by, I covered me and my trike with a blanket so she wouldn't see me. I don't recall if my invisibility ploy worked out or not.

FQ Photo-Op: Show us a photo of just how adorable you were as a child. I was an incredibly cute kid (no, I don't know what happened), so that's not difficult. My favorite shot has me wearing my tiger slippers while cooling out in my underwear...

Discover your inner-child at the FridayQ.

What is an activity that you can do better than anybody else you know? Draw a map. It seems whenever somebody gives me directions and they draw a map to follow, it sucks ass. When I draw a map to show you how to get somewhere, you ain't getting lost. Helpful hint: unless you possess rudimentary drawing skills and have a sense of direction, use MapQuest (or MultiMap, if you're outside the US) instead of attempting to draw one.

What is a subject where you are smarter than anybody else you know? Movie trivia. Whenever somebody wants to know the name of a film or who was in it, I'm the guy they ask. People e-mail me. They call me at work. They stop me on the street. They apparently don't know about IMDB.com. "What's the name of that guy who was a spy with his wife in that movie where he did that thing to that guy in that place with the alligator?" That would be Dennis Quaid and Kathleen Turner, who treed Stanley Tucci's character in the New Orleans Zoo at the Alligator Pit in the underrated movie Undercover Blues. Yep, I'm a genius.

What is a trait you possess that makes you superior to lesser humans? Intelligence. I see so many stupid people doing so many stupid things on a daily basis that sometimes I think we'd be better off if alien overlords would arrive and enslave us all. That way, when stupid people did something stupid, they'd be vaporized or have their brains sucked out.

FQ Fiction: Which of your many stellar accomplishments should be recorded in the history books? (Can't think of one? Make it up!). I'd have to say it would be the time I saved humanity from enslavement by the alien overlords and was elected Supreme Ruler of the planet Earth. Since all the stupid people were vaporized or brainless, all the remaining smart people realized it was the intelligent thing to do.

Stroke your ego at the FridayQ.

Every once in a while (usually when I am put on hold while talking on the phone) I take a glance at my web site stats just to see what people are interested in and where they are going. Several months back, I shared some of the most popular keywords and links, and thought I would do that again just to see what has changed. Boy what a difference five months make!

Here are the top ten keyword searches people use to find me in August so far (anybody see a pattern here?)...

• Jennifer Garner
• Janet Jackson Naked
• Boobies
• Naked Boobies
• No Bush (bizarre, because it's not what you think)
• Exploding Dog (which I find very cool)
• Kill Bill
• The Cure
• Elizabeth Hurley
• Pleasureman Gunther (bizarre, because it's exactly what you think)

Going back a month, so I can get the big picture, I notice that most everything changes in the top five...

• 815-787-7851 (a lot of people must be getting harassed just like I was)
• Stewie (love that little guy!)
• Pleasureman Gunther (it's a new GuntherTrend!)
• SNL Harry Potter (No disappointment here... Lindsay Lohan boobies!)
• Clown Ass Fire (The infamous post that launched a hundred hate mails!)

My most popular direct-linked entries for the past three months...

• Theme Thursday: Wings (a pity the meme has folded)
• Gunther! (that guy's unstoppable)
• SNL Harry Potter (I blame Lindsay Lohan's boobies)
• MSF BRC (gas prices have people considering motorcycles perhaps?)
• Who Asked You Bitch? (one of my all-time most popular)
• I'm Sad Today (apparently I'm totally hot when I'm sad)
• Tater Salad (hmmm... Ron White or the recipe for Jäger Bombers?)
• Lame! (my take on blog quizzes)
• Lucas Sucks Ass (well, he does)
• Ken Schram is a Tool (okay, I feel kind of bad about this one)

In other news: August appears to be yet another record-breaking month for unique visitor counts. In June it was averaging 307 per day, July 428 per day, and August so far is 446 per day. The vast majority of those counts are visitors to the Blogography entry page, so I am guessing most visitors are regular readers?

The FridayQ is a distant second entry point, but still receives a respectable number of visitors. Oddly enough, when I actually follow-up on people who are doing the FridayQ, it's shocking just how many people participate only to bitch about how they don't like the questions! Jeez, if you don't like FridayQ, DON'T DO IT!! Some of the comments are so nasty that I finally understand why other memes are dying off... I mean, why put any work into something that people are going to crap all over? It's not like I'm asking for money or anything, and anybody who thinks it's easy to dream up something unique every week should try their own meme for a few months before passing judgment. I've even had some people tell me that they refuse to participate in FridayQ because they don't get to leave comments and links to boost their web ranking! Well, I'm putting FridayQ out there NOT to make money or increase your ranking... I'm doing it just to help out because I know that coming up with an idea on Friday can be tough! If that's not enough for you, I'm sorry, but that's all I have to offer just now. That being said, it's pretty nice to get that occasional e-mail from people who like FridayQ, so maybe I'll hang in there a bit longer?

In addition to the dearly departed Julia Child, who is your favorite food personality? I'm a big fan of Iron Chef French: Hiroyuki Sakai. He seems a very capable and hard working chef in the kitchen, and both a respectful winner and gracious loser in Iron Chef food battles.

What meal would you have this culinary genius prepare for you if they asked? Well, since he's an expert in French cooking, probably something French? Problem is, French dishes don't tend to be the most vegetarian-friendly cuisine around (though their pastry is the best in the world, so it's probably a fair trade-off?). How about a vegetable bisque soup with French bread and a nice wine, followed by a large assortment of pastries for dessert.

If they refused, and you could eat at any restaurant you wanted as a consolation, which one would you choose? A plate of Fettucini Alfredo at Alfredo alla Scrofa in Rome would do nicely. It's a restaurant that doesn't rank high in atmosphere, but their pasta is the best I have ever tasted.

FQ Kitchen: Share with us a favorite recipe or cooking tip. I'm not much of a cook, so any recipe I might offer would involve combining two frozen foods in a microwave. I do, however, have a few tips which somebody might enjoy...

• Substitute a Mexican rice mix (my favorite brand being Farmhouse) for ground beef in Mexican recipes. I use it in tacos, enchiladas, tamales, and anything else that would normally use meat as the filler.
• Top mashed potatoes or potato salad with crisp-fried grated potatoes, which adds a new crunchy dimension to their creamy texture. If I'm too lazy to fry some up, I'll use crushed potato chips instead (don't knock it 'til you've tried it!).
• Chocolate chip cookies are even more special when you eat them frozen.
• If you're not worried about the extra fat calories, add a packet of powdered creamer to your instant cocoa mix to make it taste more like fresh-made.
• Everything is better with cheese on top.

Eat your heart out at the FridayQ.

A while back I posted a rant about lame Internet quizzes in response to an entry at Geekable where Jeff had mentioned "Your blog is a quiz-free zone. You do not care if you are a princess of light, or a flute, or a Toyota Prius. If you wanted to take a test, you'd go back to school."

In response to all of that, Will James left a comment saying "I am in school, and these tests are way more fun." Since I had just had a friend lose their job to outsourcing, this led me to theorize (with sadness) that, "with all our tech jobs being shipped to foreign countries, maybe you really do get more mileage out of an Internet quiz after all?"

Then today I get a message from another friend who just lost their tech job to outsourcing. I used to think that so long as Windows was the dominate OS, there would always be jobs in tech support to deal with all the bugs, crashes, and confusion that goes along with it. Well, my friend's job was in tech support. Those Internet quizzes are looking better all the time, so here's my contribution (I'll make up for lost time by doing the Top 5 Most Popular at Quizilla)...

What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)

What is Your Color? (girls only... great anime pics)

How Old is Your Inner Child?

What Sign of Affection Are You?

Which of the Greek Gods Are You?

Having my "Sign of Affection" being "Holding Hands" nearly caused me to throw myself off a building... but I kind of redeemed myself by having my "Greek God" be "Death." So there, is that lame enough for everybody?

Oh, just an FYI... the actual Greek god of death is Thanatos. The Romans changed Thanatos to Mors when they adopted the gods as their own. As an aside, Thanatos should not be confused with Hades, who is not Death... he's lord of the underworld. Thanatos should also not be confused with Thanos, which is the Marvel Comics villain who is obsessed with Death. Furthermore, the Roman god of death Mors should not be confused with the Roman god of war, who is Mars (stolen from the greek god of war Ares). I'm a big mythology buff, and errors like this bug the crap out of me!

Which Olympic events are your most and least favorite? I'm not a huge sports fan, but I do enjoy watching a good game of Beach Volleyball. As for my least favorite, that's easily Synchronized Swimming. I mean no disrespect as to the difficulty of such an endeavor, but it just looks stupid to me.

In what Olympic competition would you have the best shot at a gold medal? Uhhh... I think I'm equally tragic in just about all sports, so anything I choose is going to be pretty demeaning to those events. But, if forced to pick, perhaps Archery for Summer and Curling for Winter? Not that I've ever actually attempted Curling before, but I think I could probably scrub the ice with those little brushes better than any of my other choices (if I could manage to keep from falling on my ass, that is!).

If you could add or invent a new Olympic sport, what would it be? Motocross! And not just for Summer as you might think... motorcycle racing could be cool in Winter as well! Remember that chase scene in the James Bond film For Your Eyes Only where the motorcycles with spiked tires were racing down the bobsled course? That would kick ass as an Olympic competition!

FQ Pitchman: Propose why your home town should host the next Olympic Games (your choice Summer or Winter). When I really think about it... Cashmere might actually be a cool venue for the Winter Olympics. We're near some terrific mountains for skiing, and there's already plenty of winter activity areas to build on. And, since the fruit orchard market is dying off thanks to ever-increasing imports, there are plenty of orchards nearby that we can rip out in order to make room for a stadium and such. The only big problem is that we're a very small city with only one motel... so I have no idea how we'd be able to house all the spectators that would show up for the Games.

Go for the gold at the FridayQ.

What's something you find humorous, but probably shouldn't? Graham Norton. He is not funny. Honestly, he's obnoxious and foul. But I laugh my ass off anyway. The same probably goes for South Park, Dave Chappelle, and Martha Stewart.

What's something that others find funny, but you don't? It's a tie between Adam Sandler, Everybody Loves Raymond, and racist jokes. I don't "get" any of them.

What actor/comedian/personality always makes you laugh? Right now it's Wanda Sykes, but Eddie Murphy and Phil Hartman are favorites too. What movie? Office Space only slightly beats out Baseketball, both of which I have seen dozens of times. What book? My copy of The Indispensable Calvin And Hobbes (or any of the other Calvin and Hobbes books) will do it.

FQ Stand-Up: Tell us a joke or funny story. True story. Once after having had dinner at a Red Robin in Seattle, I was washing my hands after using the restroom and overheard a guy at the urinal talking to himself. Things like "oh crap!" and "holy shit, what am I going to do here" and "aw, f#@% me!" I was scared to turn and look at what might be going on, so I didn't even bother to dry my hands, I just ran out.

As we were leaving the restaurant, I saw the same guy exiting the bathroom with a huge stain on the front of his trousers. That's when I realized he had urinated all over himself while taking a piss. His date came up and said "oh there you are, I was beginning to wonder if you needed some help in there!" Then she noticed his wet crotch and said "whoa... and apparently you did!"

The guy, in a feeble attempt to cover his horror said "uuuhhhh... the faucet was broken and I got sprayed." To which she replied in disgust: "Suuuuure it was the faucet. I'm going to go get a newspaper so you won't get 'water' stains on my seat" (and she visually surrounded the word "water" with air quotes to get her point across). This made the guy really embarrassed and angry, so he shouted out "I didn't make fun of you that time you got drunk and crapped your pants!!"

This got the attention of the dozen or so people that were waiting for a table, and everybody turned and looked as they walked out the door. A second after the door had closed, a kid blurted out "mom, you should wear diapers next time you get drunk!"

Have a laugh at the FridayQ.

You've been given a million dollars to donate to a worthy charity! Which organization would benefit from your generosity and why are they deserving? I'm a huge fan of Doctors Without Borders, and wouldn't think twice about dropping a million there. This amazing group provides medical care to people in need regardless of race, religion, creed, or politics (and often do so at great risk). That, to me, is the very definition of charity and an example of the kind of world we should be building.

You've testified against the mob and have to leave the country! Where do you go to start your new life, and what new career will you pursue? Hmmm... how about a motorcycle mechanic in Sicily? I could work on Ducatis and ride year-round because of the great weather there.

A movie studio has given you carte blanche to develop a sequel to a film of your choice! What's your sequel going to be about and who's starring in it? There are many movies I'd like to see sequels to, but I think there are two above all others I'd like to see made...
In my sequel to Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai: Across the 8th Dimension, I'd simply proceed with the originally-planned sequel which was to be called "Buckaroo Banzai and the World Crime Syndicate." Naturally Peter Weller, Jeff Goldblum, and the rest of the cast would have to reprise their roles as Buckaroo and the Hong Kong Cavaliers. I'm not sure what it would be about, but wackiness would definitely ensue!
For my sequel to Undercover Blues, husband & wife super-spies Jeff & Jane Blue (Dennis Quaid & Kathleen Turner) could come out of retirement to rescue their now-grown up daughter Janey from some revenge scheme hatched by their arch-nemesis Paulina Novacek (Fiona Shaw) and her "confederate" Muerte (Stanley Tucci).

FQ Re-Blog: A tragic computer malfunction has erased your current blog so you decide to start over again under a fictitious identity. Who would you become and what would you write about? I would become a psychologist who anonymously blogs about all the freaky patients he's seeing. Something tells me I'd have a real talent for inventing imaginary psychological disorders!

What is your favorite posession made mostly from wood? A small elephant carving I bought in Vancouver at Expo 86. Metal? My motorcycle. Plastic? My motorcycle helmet.

What is your favorite posession colored mostly red? My Gameboy Advance. Blue? My Hard Rock Maui denim jacket. Green? My pet pine tree, Oscar.

What is your favorite posession looking mostly soft? My Harley Davidson weathered T-Shirt. Sharp? My Calvin Cline suit. Fragile? My Canon 16-35mm camera lens.

FQ Net Worth: If your nine prized posessions listed above were stolen, what do you estimate the cost would be to replace them? Ooooh. Some of them would be difficult to replace, but here we go...

• Elephant Carving: $4.50 (assuming I could find one!)
• Motorcycle: $9,500.00
• Helmet: $600.00
• Gamboy: $90.00
• Jacket: $120.00
• Oscar: $50.00 (the tree is priceless, but the pot and soil & such was about $50)
• Harley T-Shirt: $27.50
• Suit: $1200.00
• Lens: $1400.00

I guess that totals roughly $13,000 US, which is a little more materialistic than I thought I would be!

You too can take possession of the FridayQ.

What is the biggest fear you've had to face? I fear three things above all others: heights, deep water, and freaky-looking insects. Of those three, the hardest to face was scuba diving the back-side of Molokini where I couldn't see the ocean floor beneath me. It was pretty frightening. Now that it's over, would it scare you to confront it again? It wouldn't scare me as much, but I would probably still be a bit afraid.

What is your greatest fear that you've not yet met? Being covered in bugs would scare me so bad that it would probably send me into a coma. If you were paid loads of money, would you willingly face it? If I were a contestant on Fear Factor or something, and they would pay me $50,000 or more to be covered in non-life-threatening bugs, I would probably take it. I'd be absolutely terrified, but I'd be rich!

What is something most people are afraid of, but you don't have a problem with? Snakes. Why do you think that is? Ever since seeing the Goldie Hawn/Chevy Chase movie Foul Play I see snakes as more "cute" than "scary." This is not to say I'm unafraid of deadly or poisonous snakes... they're still frightening... I'm just not petrified like most people seem to be.

FQ Movie Night: Your readers are looking for a thrill! What's the scariest scene from a movie you've ever seen? I saw the original Ridley Scott Alien when I was 13 and was scared senseless. So many scenes in that film are terrifying, but the little alien bursting out of the chest shocked me pretty bad, and it was only a harbinger of things to come! I had seen other horror movies before Alien, but this was the first one to really freak me out. I still think it's fairly scary, even today.

Years ago while watching a sunset on a Maui beach, I turned to a friend and said "I'm really glad I saw this before I die" to which she replied "well, scratch it off your list then." That's when I became acquainted with the fact that some people make a list of things they wish to do before they die in order to be assured of experiencing everything they want out of life before death comes a calling.

I decided to make my own list in a little notebook I found, and came to this realization: it would be pretty depressing to lay on my deathbed clutching a list that still has a bunch of items left unchecked.

I don't need that kind of failure looming over me, so I figured out an entirely new approach: Don't add anything to the list until you've already done it. Brilliant! That way, no matter when you check out, the list of things to do is certain to be complete and you can die a success!

So, here it is... a transcription of my list of things I want to do before I die (all of them done, of course) in no particular order. A few of the more personal and, ahem, "questionable" items have been removed to prevent offense and embarrassment (yours, not mine)...

NOTE: I moved my list to a separate page so I could find it easier when it needed updating. You can visit my List of Things To Do Before I Die (That I've Already Done) right here.

What happened the last time you thought yourself to be in danger? I've only been in a couple of truly dangerous situations, but the one that sticks in my mind is being held up at knife-point while walking through a not-so-nice part of San Francisco in 1999. Oddly enough, though it was obviously a dangerous situation, I didn't actually feel my life was at risk. I handed over my wallet, and that was the end of it.

How do you generally react when faced with a dangerous situation? Cautiously. My days of laughing in the face of danger are long since over.

What's something you enjoy doing that has an element of danger to it? I used to have a few things I enjoy like parachuting and scuba diving that could be considered dangerous, but that was a decade ago. Currently I am guessing the most dangerous thing I enjoy is riding my motorcycle... which can be pretty dangerous thanks to the many idiots out on the road.

FQ Gallery: Post a dangerous photo. One of the many helpful signs at Bryce Canyon National Park...

You too can live dangerously at the FridayQ.

What's the coldest you've ever been and where was that? As an adult, one of the coldest moments I can recall was waiting for my train in Berlin, Germany in the winter of 2001. I wasn't planning to spend much time outdoors for the trip, and was grossly unprepared for how cold it was. After an hour I was shivering uncontrollably and couldn't feel my hands or legs. Once I had thawed out, I had leg cramps for days.

What's the warmest you've ever been and where was that? On a trip to Phoenix, I arrived after the sun went down but it was still over 90-degrees! The next day was a record-setting 116-degrees, which was unbearably hot. Just walking across the parking lot from my hotel to the restaurant was a physical effort that had me feeling as if I was on fire.

If you had to choose, would you rather be too warm or too cold? Definitely too warm. I can't stand being cold.

FQ Ego: What's a moment you were at your coolest? Any time I'm on my motorcycle (obviously it's not me that's cool in this scenario, but I think some of my bike's coolness rubs off on me!). Your hottest? Hah! I don't feel I am even remotely "hot," but I once dated a girl who was so hot that she made me feel hot to be standing next to her. The fact that she ended up being a total nightmare that ruined my life is besides the point.

Be cool at the FridayQ.

In one word, describe a luxury item you would want if stranded on a desert island for a year. Surfboard. Why? I would need something to keep me entertained, and learning to surf seems like it might be a good way to pass the time.

In one word, describe a food you wouldn't mind eating every day for a month. Pizza. Why? It's my favorite food and never get tired of eating it. I know I should probably choose something more nutritional, but oh well.

In one word, describe an occupation that you wouldn't necessarily want as a career, but wouldn't mind trying out for a week. Cartographer. Why? I've always loved maps and enjoy drawing them from time to time. It might be interesting to see what is involved in map-making for an actual job.

FQ Search: Enter your first name PLUS the above three words into a Google search and see if anything interesting comes up! Just two results: A site reviewing the 15 Greatest War Movies and a very cool journal about a bicycle trip around New Zealand! That's kind of nifty... I thought for sure I'd end up with junk or no entries at all!

Your search is over at the FridayQ.

If you were able to visit any time period in the past, when would it be? I know it would be cool to say "Ancient Rome" or something like that, but I honestly think that I would choose the early 80's. What is it about this particular point in history that appeals to you? I had good times back then! Personal computers were starting to explode onto the scene, and everything was fresh and new in the computing world. Computers where fun back then. The music was cool as well. The haircuts... not so cool.

If you could meet any person from throughout history, who would that be? Hands-down, it would be Michelangelo. What makes them so special to you? He was one of the most brilliant minds and gifted artists who ever lived.

If you could reach through time and grab a piece of historical memorabilia, what artifact would you take and what would you do with it? I'd snag something cool, like an animation cell from Akira or one of Michelangelo's paint brushes, and hang it on the wall of my office for inspiration.

FQ Quantum Leap: You have been given a one-time-only opportunity to travel back in time and interfere with history! Would you do it? Sure! Where would you go and what would you try to change? I'd go back to when Microsoft was first starting out and sabotage the company... that way, I wouldn't have to freak out about trying to make web sites render properly on Window's crappy "Internet Explorer" program because Windows wouldn't exist.

Explore your history at the FridayQ.

Share an obscure movie or show and tell use why we should watch it. That would depend on your tastes. Want to watch something smartly funny? Then you should hunt down Undercover Blues. Want to see something that will touch your heart and make you laugh? Then try to get your hands on Creator. Want to see something scary? Then The Devil's Backbone should do the trick. Want to see a fact-based tale that's better than most fiction? Then The Dish is for you. Want to cry your eyes out? Then try to find the made-for-television film After the Promise. Want to see the best show that ever aired on television? Then beg, borrow, or steal somebody's copies of Cupid. Why should you watch any of them? Because they were all incredibly good, and don't deserve to be mired in obscurity.

Share an obscure band or musical talent and tell us why we should listen to it. That's a tough one, because I'm habitually stuck in the 80's when it comes to music. Two groups you may not have heard of are The Kane Gang and When in Rome. Both are kind of contemporary, easy-listening pop groups that seemed ahead of their time for some reason. If you are looking to mellow out for a bit, you should give them a listen because the music is pretty darn good (even by pop music standards!).

Share an obscure blog or web site and tell use why we should visit it. I think everybody would feel a little better if they started the week by looking at a picture at Exploding Dog. It's not exactly obscure, but it often times seems overlooked to me.

FQ 15 Minutes: There will one day be an event in your life so big that it will drag you out of obscurity and make your name known to the entire world. Speculate on what it will be that brings you your 15 minutes of fame! It will either be for marrying Elizabeth Hurley, or having a restraining order set against me for stalking Elizabeth Hurley.

Escape obscurity with the FridayQ.

Who is your one favorite author and why is their work so appealing to you? Richard Bach. His writings were comforting and inspiring during a difficult time in my life.

What are your two favorite literary subjects and why is reading about them interesting to you? I enjoy many different subjects. Two off the top of my head are science fiction books dealing with time travel and historical fiction & non-fiction set in Asia.

What are your three favorite books and why are each of them special to you? The first two on my list are easy. That third spot is almost impossible to pick because there are literally dozens of books I love that could be put there.

1. Nobel House (by James Clavell) is a fascinating fictional story of business, betrayal, history, power, mystery, and secrets in 1960's Hong Kong and part of Clavell's amazing "Asia Saga" which includes his most famous work: Shogun. I love it because of its brilliance and complexity, which makes it worthy of many repeated readings (I've read it at least eight times, and just writing about it makes me want to read it again).
2. Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah (by Richard Bach) is the follow-up to Bach's equally brilliant Jonathan Livingston Seagull, and an amazing way to look at life. I love this book because it speaks to so many people... from Christians to Buddhists to Jews to Muslims to Atheists (and everything in-between). You can interpret it in any way that you wish (parable, allegory, pure fiction, or whatever) yet still be inspired. Whenever I feel lost, saddened, disconnected, or question my place in life, this is the book that I turn to.
3. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (by Douglas Adams) is one of the first books I can remember that made me laugh out loud. For that reason alone I went ahead and put it in the #3 spot. The Hitchhiker's trilogy of five(!) books is a wonderfully funny work of science fiction that has never been equalled.

FQ AUTHOR: If you had to write a book, what genre of book would you pen (mystery, romance, science fiction, biography, etc.) and what would it be about? Probably science fiction, since I enjoy reading it so much. As to what it would be about... how about a group Japanese Samurai warriors who discover a method of time travel during the fall of the Shogunate and escape destruction by fleeing to the future where they can rebuild their society? There they become an elite force of techno-warriors who fight to overthrow the cyborgs enslaving the human race. I would want to read something like that!

Find something new to read with the FridayQ.

What's your favorite ending to a movie or play? That's a toughie. From an emotional standpoint, two movies that choke me up every time I see their endings are Field of Dreams and The Big Blue, so I suppose they could qualify. I had the ending for The Sixth Sense figured out, but still think it was superb, so that could be a contender. One of the more uplifting endings I've ever seen would have to be Creator, so that would be a good choice. The ending I never saw coming would be Agatha Christie's Death on the Nile, so it could be the one. I sure like the way that everything came together at the end of The Shawshank Redemption, so that's a good option. The ending of The Terminator haunted me for weeks, so that might very well be the one. But, when all is said and done, I think I have to give the nod to Amelie as having my favorite ending. There's a charming little mystery that's solved in addition to the romantic storyline that really touches me. Since I ordinarily dislike romantic comedies, that's quite an accomplishment, and reason enough to earn my top pick.

What's your favorite ending to a song or musical? Depeche Mode consistently churns out songs with fascinating messages of love, loss, devotion, and healing that give me chills. Probably my favorite ending would be their song Higher Love because the medley and lyrics rise up to levels that actually lift me higher. Other good choices would be The Thompson Twins' If You Were Here and Kamikaze, both of which have me thinking about the song long after it's over. Or perhaps Coldplay's The Scientist, which leaves me longing for something I can't put into words.

What's your favorite ending to a book or graphic novel? Hands down the ending to Alan Moore's Watchmen would have to be my favorite of all time. The second I read that last panel, I immediately felt compelled to read the entire series over again. Anybody who would dismiss this book as "nothing more than a comic book" is seriously missing out on one of the most imaginative stories told. After that, I'd have to say the ending of Dean Koontz's Lightning was kind of clever, and the endings of both Edgar Rice Burroughs' original Tarzan of the Apes and A Princess of Mars were bittersweet and badly left me wanting more. Isn't that what an ending should do?

FQ MEMORIAL: What would be your favorite ending to your life? Dying happy and fulfilled would be the perfect way to go... preferably in my sleep?

Make your own happy ending at the FridayQ.

Name one thing you are thankful for that is kind of a silly thing to be thankful about. My Macintosh PowerBook.

Name two things other people seem to be thankful for which you are not. Four more years of Bush. Espresso.

Name three things that don't currently exist which you would be thankful for if they did. The death penalty for spammers. A cure for cancer. World peace.

FQ THANKFUL: Forget about thanking others, what's something everybody else should be thankful to YOU for? That I don't wear spandex.

Be unthankful at the FridayQ.

Which entry in your blog is your favorite so far and why is that? It's strange, but I don't really like any of my entries overly-much. I compare them to the genius displayed on other blogs and just kringe, because mine all seem so senseless, useless, and plain silly (why in the heck do people read this stuff?). With that in mind, I guess the ones I don't mind so much are those that use these traits as an advantage. I like Toothpaste a bit, because it was fun to draw. The same goes for Leather Jackets, which I find funny every time I look at it (mainly because it does seem funny as a cartoon, but would be horrifying in real-life!).

Which entry in your blog has gotten you the most attention and why do you think that is? That would be STILL Stop Calling Me. My saga with the ass-hats at Stonebridge Life Insurance and their harassing telemarketing policy has become a kind of repository for Google searchers who have suffered as well. I receive emails and comments on this entry even today. A close second would have to be Credit, where I made a joke about setting a clown's ass on fire. I received over 100 emails from some kind of "Clown Coalition" that was enraged by it (which is odd, because you'd think clowns would have a sense of humor).

Which entry in your blog do you feel was overlooked and why should people have read it? Probably Theme Thursday: Wings. This is the hardest blog entry I've ever done, because it took a lot of luck, planning, begging, and scheming to pull off. But now that the Theme Thursday meme is dead, nobody really sees it anymore to appreciate what I had to go through to make it work (my blog didn't have nearly as many people reading it back then either). I still think it's a cool entry, so go look at it right now!

FQ REVEAL: Which entry in your blog do you think is most indicative of who you are and what makes it so? That's kind of difficult to answer, because none of the most personal details of my life are really shared here. Every once in a while, a little more "me" than usual ends up in an entry when I feel strongly about something... like when I am saddened (The Sad State of Modern Times), bitter (Heart), grateful (Strut the Rooster), etc. If forced to pick just one, I'd have to say The Bears of Berlin shows a side of me that doesn't make it to Blogography very often.

Get blogged at the FridayQ.

Describe your morning routine on work/school days, from the time you wake up until you leave. Well, since I only sleep 4-5 hours each night, I wake up waaayy early (usually around 3-4am), which gives me plenty of time to kill. Since my apartment is wireless, I usually start out by grabbing my PowerBook and spending the next couple hours checking email, running through my blogroll, reviewing my work schedule, and jotting down ideas for the day's blog entry. If it's a really light day, I may grab a book and read for a while. Regardless, I am always out of bed pretty close to 6am each work day. After I get up and grab some clean clothes, it's off to the shower so I can get washed up. Then, 15 minutes later (after I've put some boxers on), it's time to eat a bowl of cereal, two slices of toast (lightly buttered), and a glass of milk. Next, believe it or not, I try to force myself to take an hour-long nap so I can be fresh for work. After my nap, I wash my face, brush my teeth, get dressed, and am out the door around 8:30am.

Now describe your morning routine on NON-work/school days (weekends, holidays, etc.). It is incredibly rare that I have a day with no work at all, so nothing really changes... I just don't worry about getting out of bed at a specific time, and will probably get caught up with some television off my TiVo while enjoying an extended breakfast. Other than that, it's all the same.

And finally, describe your night-time routine before you go to bed. I hate to be rushed in the morning, so most of my pre-bedtime moments are spent making sure everything is ready to go for the next morning. If it's summer, that means things like making sure my motorcycle helmet and visor are clean, my keys and various work materials are waiting on the table, and a bag of dry Cheerios have been poured out for the next day's work-time snacking. Then it's just a matter of double-checking that all the doors are locked before brushing my teeth. If it's not too late, I might take a quick run through my blogroll. Finally, around 11:00pm, I'm in bed trying to fall asleep.

FQ FANTASY: You've won 100 million (US) dollars in the lottery! Re-write your morning routine one month from now! I rise from yet another excellent night of carefree slumber, being careful not to wake Elizabeth Hurley (who fell in love with me not for my 100 million, but because she found me witty and charming). As I slip out of my hand-carved oak four-post bed, I pull back the window shade to look out over Old Town Edinburgh and yet another beautiful Scottish morning ahead of me. I then leisurely make my way across the bedroom to the spa so I can take a quick shower (not just any shower... The Best Shower on Earth®, imported from Dublin). After that, my morning routine is spent surfing the internet for new and interesting places in the world we can travel to, while Liz iron's my laundry (it's not exactly how you're thinking). But, other than making sweet, sweet love all morning, I spend all my time fulfilling my dream of doing absolutely nothing in the most exotic locations the world has to offer (though I think a bowl of Cheerios will end up in there as well).

Your weekly routine is at the FridayQ.

What's the strangest thing you've ever eaten? Unquestionably, without a doubt, no contest - natto. This traditional Japanese food is strange even among strange foods. They say it's made of fermented soybeans... but this heinously foul-smelling, sticky abomination more likely comes from some grotesque alien planet, as mere humans should not be eating it. My Japanese friends tell me that natto is an acquired taste, and I just haven't eaten enough of it to appreciate how yummy it is. They are, of course, insane. I still dream of one day getting revenge upon the "friend" of mine who tricked me into eating this blasphemy of all things food-like. Does this stuff seriously look like something you should be putting in your mouth? (photo copyrighted by Matt Wegener, from his terrific Japan photos page, which is well worth a visit!)...

What's the strangest thing you've ever read? I'm tempted to say any travel book written by Rick Steves (seriously, I travel a lot and am a huge fan of travel books... but Rick Steves' stuff is so laughably bad that I find it strange they are so popular). But, even stranger, would have to be the disclaimer on my disembarkation card before landing in Singapore: It basically said that anyone caught smuggling drugs in or out of the country would be put to death, and by entering the country you accede to this law with the understanding that any appeal made to your government would do you no good at all. I found it strange they should tell you this after you've already boarded the plane! I mean, I didn't have any intention of smuggling drugs, but became terrified that somebody would stash their drugs in my suitcase or something. I was paranoid the entire trip.

What's the strangest thing you've ever seen? Excluding the ending of the movie 2001, those stupid-ass television commercials with Jared's Subway Diet, and the Yayoi Kusama exhibit at MOMA in New York? I'd have to say the strangest thing I've ever seen would be a child beauty pageant in New Orleans. I didn't actually go out of my way to see it mind you... the event was taking place at my hotel. This bizarre activity has obsessive parents dressing up their little girls to look and act like whores, then parading them in front of a freaky group of people who actually find entertainment in such a thing. I've seen a whole lotta freaky in my travels, but that was the strangest of all.

FQ YOU: What's the strangest thing you've ever done? Putting parts of my life in a blog for the entire world to see would rank right near the top, but I'd have to say skydiving is #1. Back when I first tried it (tandem) and then went on to take classes, it was just something fun to do. But now, I find it strange that anybody would choose to jump out of a plane when they weren't forced to do so.

Everything's strange at the FridayQ.

Earlier today I had written a long and very involved entry for my blog that included such topics as "How much I loathed the movie Spanglish" along with "the horrors of using pixel-height type in my blog re-design" and "the dangers of venturing out during last-minute holiday-shopper frenzy." But, after re-reading it, I decided to toss it out as a public service.

But then I had a problem. What to write about for Saturday? A meme perhaps?

And now there's a bigger problem... most of the memes are dying off. "Something for Saturday" hasn't been updated since September. "Pieces of You" has been dead for a month. "Meeting of the Minds" dead since March. "Fragment" gone. "Saturday Slant" stalled at week 33. Even "Witches Weekly" is now two weeks overdue. I suppose I could take a crack at "Sexy Saturday" but it's also overdue (and the last question was about AIDS testing?).

... ten minutes later... and I've found Saturday-8!

1. if you celebrate christmas, do you have your tree up yet? if not, what's your excuse? I don't really celebrate Christmas because I study Buddhism (which doesn't have a Christmas).
2. christmas is in a week ... do you have you holiday shopping done? I do like to buy holiday gifts for my friends and family who celebrate Christmas, but will worry about it next week.
3. do you take time off during the holidays, or do you work straight through? The last couple of years I've worked on Christmas day because it's quiet and I can get caught up.
4. do you take a winter vacation to go skiing or do the iditarod? I think the Iditarod is kind of cruel to the dogs (many of which die during training) and I don't ski. Since winter is when my never-ending travel seems to slow a bit, I'd rather just stay home.
5. in your neighbourhood, are there a lot of holiday lights up? Not really.
6. do YOU put holiday lights up? if so, are yours up this year? if not, why don't you do it? No. As for why... see Question #1.
7. describe the most gaudy/tacky/cheap holiday display you've seen. where was it? Aren't they all when you think about it?
8. for this holiday, mr. laura is gutting my dining room and adding on a computer room, so my house will be full of drywall dust instead of holiday house trimmings. have you had a year in which you didn't or weren't able to decorate your house for the holidays? I leave the decorating to everybody else.

Another bit of fun... Who Links Here

What's an impressive gift ($50 US or less) on your wish list? I think there's a bundle deal where you can get a one-year subscription to National Geographic and National Geographic Traveler for under $50. That would be a terrific gift.

What's an expensive gift ($500 US or less) on your wish list? I already own an iPod, but the new iPod Photo is cream. I'd prefer the 60gig version, but since it is $599, I suppose I'd have to "settle" for the smaller 40gig version at $499.

What's an extravagant gift ($5000 US or less) on your wish list? A tricked out Apple Macintosh Dual 2.5GHz Power Mac G5 desktop computer with all the trimmings nets out at $4,953.00 (shipping is free). I actually don't need a new computer, but if somebody were to give me one, I wouldn't have the slightest objection. From playing with this monster at the Apple Store a few weeks ago, I can say that MacOS X is an entirely new experience with such outlandish speed and power running behind it.

FQ GREED: Money is no object! What's the most outrageous gift money can buy on your dream list? A private Caribbean island from which to plan my bid for world domination would be pretty sweet (it would have to include a pirate ship and secret volcano lair as well).

Give the gift of FridayQ.

What do you hope will be the big technology breakthrough in 2005? Getting together some kind of early warning system that works for earthquake-induced tsunamis is a much-needed breakthrough, but I'm not sure how close they are to figuring out something like that. So I guess it would be Apple finding a way to put a PowerPC G5 chip into a PowerBook laptop (preferably in such a way that the fan doesn't have to keep running all the time).

What do you hope will be the big medical breakthrough in 2005? Gee, there's too many things that kill too many people to make this an easy choice. Realistically, I guess I'd have to say help for kids with Juvenile Diabetes, since it's my understanding that they are getting pretty close to figuring that one out.

What do you hope will be the big entertainment breakthrough in 2005? Depeche Mode touring in support of their new album (which I believe they'll be starting to work on any day now).

FQ FUTURE: It's one year from now! What was your greatest accomplishment in 2005? Finding time to spend two weeks this past summer touring on my motorcycle down the Pacific Coast (it's a long shot, but a boy can dream can't he?).

Keep hope alive at the FridayQ.

What's something you often must do that's a complete waste of time? Navigate those stupid computerized answering machines... "press one to check the status of an order... press two to place a new order... press three for technical support..." oh how I loathe wasting time trapped in voicemail hell.

Who's a public figure you wish would stop wasting everybody's time? Bill Gates. If this asshat can't get his Microsoft Windows shit working for a simple demo at CES, what chance do his customers have? How much time do people waste every single day because of his bug-ridden piece-of-crap OS? And now he equates free culture advocates (such as myself) as "modern-day sort of communists." Well f#@% you Bill, it's only a matter of time before people wake up and overhaul the inane copyrights that restrict creativity in music, film, and expressive media (and also ridiculous patents held by tech-whores like you that are killing real progress in the industry). The Creative Commies have risen...

What's something you'd like to do more of if you had extra free time? Well, if it were summer time, I'd say riding my motorcycle... but during the winter months I guess I'd have to say reading.

FQ CLOCK: What time is it where you're at right now, and what time zone are you in? It's 1:56am and I am in the Pacific Time Zone of the USA. If I stay up for another hour, I'm hoping I can sleep in until at least 7:30am.

Have a good time at the FridayQ.

In addition to the Political Compass Test (which I last saw at Neil's World and took here), another meme crawling through the blogosphere is the Myers-Briggs "Jung Personality Test" (which I last last saw at Jay's Party). Ordinarily, I pass on these types of things, but I went ahead and took it while waiting for the washing machine to quit.

I have to say, after trying to answer the questions as honestly as possible, the results seem fairly accurate. I took the Short Test, Word Test, and the Word Choice Test, and got the same result every time: Apparently I am an ENTP (Extoverted - iNtuitive - Thinking - Perceiving), which is classified as an "inventor" who shows "enthusiastic interest in everything and always sensitive to possibilities. Non-conformist and innovative. 3.2% of the total population").

Yet another meme I've stolen from Neil (and I notice Patrick has found it as well). This one is "Year in Review" which encourages you to copy the first sentence from the first posting of every month in 2004. This meme is potentially more horrifying than the Music Shuffle Meme, heaven only knows what's going through my head...

• January: In coming back from celebrating the New Year with friends in Seattle, I have to travel back over Stevens Pass which just happens to be in the middle of a winter storm warning... — From the entry "Happy New Year".
• February: Alrighty then... a show of hands as to how many people are actually gullible enough to believe that Justin Timberlake's exposure of Janet Jackson's breast during the Super Bowl Half-Time Show was an accident due to a "costume malfunction." — From the entry "Look, Boobies on TV!".
• March: I just got an e-mail from somebody who noticed that my cartoon persona looks a little different in last night's entry. — From the entry "Meagan Wins".
• April: This week has the perfect theme for where I live: beautiful things... Spring has sprung, and there are literally beautiful things everywhere you look. — From the entry "Theme Thursday: beautiful things".
• May: After a nasty lull when Phil Hartman left, Saturday Night Live finally seems to be gaining some momentum again. — From the entry "SNL Harry Potter".
• June: I am not a big video game fan... I never really have been because I just don't have the time to play them. — From the entry "XboX".
• July: After the easy Theme Thursday last week, I suppose it's no accident that this week's theme is a bit more difficult. I mean, what do you shoot for cliché? — From the entry "Theme Thursday: cliché".
• August: HRC Cologne: A quick hop with the most excellent (and amazingly cheap) GermanWings airlines, and Perry and I were off to the beautiful city of Cologne. — From the entry "Day Seven: Cologne".
• September: Just because I don't like the idea of being the only one having nightmares tonight, here's a tale of your tax dollars at work. — From the entry "(Un)safe".
• October: What happened the last time you thought yourself to be in danger? I've only been in a couple of truly dangerous situations, but the one that sticks in my mind is being held up at knife-point while walking through a not-so-nice part of San Francisco in 1999. — From the entry "FridayQ: danger".
• November: ACK! PLAGUE SHIP!! For the past week, it would seem that everybody onboard has been coming down with a cold, including the crew. — From the entry "Cruise Day 9: At Sea".
• December: Today is World AIDS Day. I've known three people with AIDS. — From the entry "Fight"

Not as bad as I thought, actually.

What happened the last time you needed help? I forgot my wallet at home when I went to the gas station this past Sunday. Fortunately I saw somebody I knew that could help me out with a $20 instant loan.

What happened the last time you helped somebody else? A friend hurt himself while moving into a new apartment and was laid up, so I helped him put his motorcycle into storage for the winter.

What happened the last time you helped yourself? I cancelled my subscription to Showtime which helped me out on two levels... 1) It helps me financially by saving me $12 each month, and 2) It helps me psychologically by dealing with rage I feel over Showtime ass-clowns cancelling the brilliant Dead Like Me.

FQ ASSIST: Do something to help somebody today! Got a few extra dollars? Donate it to the Tsunami Relief Efforts (like the Red Cross at Amazon) or some other worthy cause. Don't have a few dollars to spare? Take a minute and use a FREE "click-to-donate" site (like The Hunger Site) or other worthy activity. How did you help today? I ran the gamut of free clicks at The Hunger Site, The Breast Cancer Site, The Child Health Site, The Literacy Site, The Rainforest Site, and the Animal Rescue Site... then donated a bit of cash at Doctors Without Borders. If my apartment allowed pets and I didn't have to travel all the time, I'd go to the local animal shelter and adopt a cat or a puppy.

Help is on the way at the FridayQ.

This time, it's not my fault... Neil says I have to do this "Meme à Trois"...

• Three names you go by: Dave, David, Duke.
• Three screen names you have: Dave2, Daveweb, Blogography.
• Three things you like about yourself: I ride a motorcycle, I'm open-minded, I'm tolerant.
• Three things you dislike about yourself: I don't speak a foreign language fluently, I am easily distracted, I can't keep up with my email.
• Three parts of your heritage: American, Dutch, German.
• Three things that scare you: Bush, Deep Water, Heights.
• Three of you everyday essentials: Food, Water, Macintosh.
• Three things you're wearing right now: Joe Boxers, MIA/POW Bracelet, Glasses.
• Three of your favorite bands/artists: Depeche Mode, a-ha, The Corrs.
• Three of your favorite songs at present: Until She Comes by the Psychedelic Furs, Inner Smile by Texas, New York Minute by Don Henley.
• Three new things you want to try in the next 12 months: Try to renew my love of painting with watercolors, Try studying a foreign language, Try to simplify my life.
• Three things you want in a relationship (love is a given): Honesty, Passion, Fulfillment.
• Two Truths and a Lie: Kindness is its own reward, Violence is cowardly, There are weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.
• Three physical things about a love interest that appeal to me: Cleanliness, Cuteness, Hotness.
• Three things you just can't do: Listen to a country-western song, Watch a musical, Enjoy using Microsoft Windows.
• Three of your favorite hobbies: Travel, Hard Rock Cafe, Television.
• Three things you want to do really badly right now: Eat breakfast, Ride my motorcycle, Go back to sleep.
• Three careers you're considering: Marine Biologist, Astronaut, President of the United States.
• Three places you want to go on vacation: Greece, Australia, New Zealand.
• Three kids names (either boy or girl): Ellis, Emma, Beelzebub.
• Three things you want to do before you die: See as much of the world as possible, Ride my motorcycle every chance I get, Refrain from hating anything or anybody.
• Three people who have to take this quiz now: Let's see... who hasn't blogged in a while? How about: Jenny, Kirk, and Steven?

Ooooh! A movie meme! I wonder why nobody thought of this one before? As seen on Kazza's Blog. The Rules: Pick ten movies you enjoy. Pick a line of dialogue that you like. As people guess the films, strike out the entry. NO CHEATING!

UPDATE: Added another quote from each film here...

UPDATE: I went ahead and finished this up by answering #9 myself. It's kind of a shame nobody got this one, because that means none of you has seen the movie Creator. This thoughtful, charming, intelligent, romantic, funny film is one of my all-time favorites. The fact that it stars the brilliant Peter O'Toole is just icing on the cake. Run right out and rent it immediately.

1. "Now, that is a big trunk! It holds a tuba, a suitcase, a dead dog, and a garment bag almost perfectly."
   "Someone stole Marilyn's jacket last night. And Poe is missing." - Wonder Boys (Amy got it!)
2. "Memories are meant to fade. They're designed that way for a reason."
   "Look it, everybody needs to take a walk to the dark end of the street sometime. It's what we are." - Strange Days (Richard got it!)
3. "Can you hammer a six-inch spike through a board with your penis?"
   "That's popcorn! Get it away from me, I can't stand popcorn. I hate popcorn." - Real Genius (Aravis got it!)
4. "The closer you get to being a pro, the closer you can get to the client. The knife, for example, is the last thing you'll learn." - Leon: The Professional (Richard got it!).
5. "Look, if you want me to talk in front of him you may be asked to kill him later. It works for me, your call." - Long Kiss Goodnight (Art got it!)
6. "You have got albinos chasing you down the street, prowlers breaking into your apartment, don't you see? They're only after one thing!" - Foul Play (Tonya got it!)
7. "He was very nice about it, but he made me feel like a third class witch doctor!" - The Day the Earth Stood Still (Dennis got it!)
8. "You know something, I don't think the sun even exists in this place."
   "Hey! Ya happen to know the way to Shell Beach?" - Dark City (Rick got it!)
9. "That's it? One course in 'The Big Picture' - twelve credits?"
   "One of these days we'll look in to our microscope and find ourselves staring right into God's eyes, and the first one who blinks is going to lose his testicles." - Creator (NOBODY got it!)
10. "Oh, just a few special effects... sort of the Universal Studios tour of evil. It normally works pretty well but, evidently you weren't going for it. That last wish of yours was a deal breaker." - Bedazzled (Ben got it!)

Hmmm... looking these over, I wonder if even I would be able to figure them out!

What's a new food or drink you've tried? Just two days ago I was at the mini market and saw new "Doritos Black Pepper Jack" chips (with black ground pepper and pepper-jack cheese) and new "Mountain Dew Pitch Black" (Mountain Dew Cola with a splash of black grape juice), and thought I'd give them a try. How'd it go? The Doritos were hot/spicy and pretty good! The Mountain Dew Black was terrible, and tasted like toxic waste.

What's a new television show or movie you've seen or book you've read? I gave the new show Point Pleasant a try last night, and started reading a new book Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell last week. How'd it go? Well, Point Pleasant is supposed to be a soap opera with dark elements, by telling the story of what happens when the devil's daughter washes up on the rich and pretty shores of a New Jersey city. Unfortunately, it's pretty boring... not dark enough to be engaging and not soap-opera enough to be entertaining. I fared better with Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell, which is a novel about how England lost it's magical arts by the 1800's, and engages the assistance of the mysterious Mr. Norrell (who seems to actually have magical talents) to help fight the Napoleonic wars. It's a bit slow, but masterfully written and hard to put down.

What's a new place you've been to or web site you've visited? The last new place would probably be the new "Fabulous Footwear" shop in Wenatchee (brand name shoes at discount prices!). And a site that I've recently discovered is Map24, which is a nifty Java-based map and route planner with really cool features. How'd it go? Fabulous Footwear didn't have anything I wanted. Map24 is amazing, and it will be hard to go back to MapQuest after having played with it.

FQ NEW: Do the new! What's something new you've been wanting to try but haven't? Play Halo2 and Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas What's stopping you? I don't have time for Halo2 and don't own a PlayStation2 to play Andreas.

Try something new with the FridayQ.

Share a health or beauty tip! For obvious reasons, I'm fresh out of beauty tips. But I do have a discovery if you've got problem skin. When I was younger I had to take an acne drug called Acutane that has some pretty harsh side-effects, one of which is extremely dry skin. For years I tried anything and everything, but nothing worked. Until I found "Hope in a Jar" by Philosophy. Expensive, but a real life-saver if you need it.

Share a computer or electronic gadget tip! If you haven't discovered RSS aggregators yet, it's worth a look. Reading blogs and news sites via syndication saves a lot of time, and allows you to follow hundreds of sources with ease because you don't have to go out and visit each and every site, instead they come to you! If you don't want to install software, you can use a free online service (like Bloglines) to read RSS news feeds as well. Oh, and Mac users who are upgrading to iLife 05 will want to be sure and make a backup of their iPhoto libraries, as there have been some pretty major problems reported.

Share a travel or transportation tip! This is not news to people living in Europe, but I'm surprised how many Americans are unawares: Buying tickets direct from small airline carriers can save you some major bank over the mainline carriers... even those sold on discount sites like Priceline, Expedia, and Orbitz. For instance, the cheapest flight to Rome is not necessarily direct. You might be better off finding a cheap sale flight to London, then taking another carrier to Rome. I've saved literally hundreds doing this. Sure it's a pain to organize and more difficult to fix when delays happen, but the money to be saved is mind-boggling. An excellent European resource can be found at WikiTravel (they've also got a page for Asia). I love airlines like EasyJet, RyanAir, GermanWings, Iceland Air, and the like because, with careful planning and some flexibility, I can take trips I ordinarily couldn't afford.

FQ TIPSTER: Got a tip for a classic or vintage CD, movie, TV show, or book we might have overlooked? One of my all-time favorite TV shows is Red Dwarf, a British comedy series that's available many places on DVD or in reruns. The show tells the story of Dave Lister, who wakes from accidental cryogenic freezing that lasted three million years. Aboard the massive mining ship Red Dwarf, Lister has many space-faring adventures while coming to terms with being the last surviving human, and trying to find his way back to earth. While it is a Sci-Fi show, anybody who loves comedy should give it a look (Series V is my favorite).

Whatever you do, don't get Rimmer upset or else Mr. Flibble will become very cross indeed!

Helpful tips abound at the FridayQ.

I write questions for the FridayQ weeks in advance, and already had a set ready for today. But, after reading an entry over at "My So Called Strife," I decided to use the questions for three weeks from now instead (and then modified them a bit), since they fit well into a question Kirkitsch was asking over at his blog...

On average, how many hours of sleep do you get each night? Four to Five. Do you think that's a good number? No, but it's all my body seems to need, so that's all I seem to get.

Have you any sleep essentials? A nightlight or teddy bear perhaps? Must the door and closet be either closed or open? I don't. With all the traveling I do, I kind of have to be able to fall asleep anywhere and under any conditions. I prefer total darkness and absolute quiet, as I find it easier to sleep that way, but I can do without them if need be.

What do you wear to bed? Boxer shorts and sometimes a T-shirt. What color are your sheets? Solid blue. How many pillows under your head? Two.

FQ BIG SLEEP: Share some helpful advice you use when having trouble falling asleep. I usually watch some television stacked on the TiVo or read a book or surf the internet. Not eating two hours before bedtime is also helpful.

Get tired of the FridayQ.

Just when you think you've done every meme in existence... here's another. Only for you Chris! (Though, there is a clue to the Movie Quotable of the Day if you feel like reading on). I don't know if I've done this one before or not so, even if I have, the answers are probably different since I can't recall any of it!

If you've read my "100 Things About Me" page, you will know that I am not a big believer in astrology or any of that crap (see item #4). But I will admit that I find the Chinese Zodiac to be eerily accurate in describing my personality and whatnot. Since Girl On A Glide has asked "what's your sign?" - I though I might as well put it out there and let people draw their own conclusions.

As it turns out, I am a Fire Horse. From what I've read, this is a pretty good sign if you are a guy, but a very bad sign if you happen to be a woman. In Asia, girls born as Fire Horses are considered unlucky to the family who bore her, and catastrophic to any man who is unfortunate enough to fall in love with her (as her sign is thought to be an overly-assertive troublemaker). This is odd, because those are exactly the traits I seem to attract in a woman. You can read all about that in this extended entry if you should so choose...

What's a sound that makes you happy? My motorcycle. Any motorcycle, really. Makes you sad? A wounded animal.

What's a sound that makes you angry? The alert sound on a Windows PC. When I'm at an airport trying to read a book while on a layover, and some Windows-using idiot has the volume on their laptop full blast, and then you hear that stupid "plink" "plink" sound I just want to get up and smash the damn thing. Ditto for the Windows start-up sound. Makes you calm? Thunder and rain. I love the sound of a summer storm.

What's a sound that makes you hungry? Elizabeth Hurley or popcorn popping (even though I don't eat much popcorn). I'd probably lose control of all my bodily functions if Elizabeth Hurley were to read me poetry while heating up some Jiffy Pop. Makes you lose your appetite? It's a toss-up between Judge Judy and those sounds on an episode of CSI where they've got a bullet tearing through tissue or something like that. Ugh.

FQ AUDIBLE: What sounds are you hearing right now? The television, a neighbor's car, the refrigerator, and a train rumbling in the distance.

Take a listen at the FridayQ.

The Texpatriate has tagged me! Now I've got "Karla's Bitch" spray-painted on my forehead. Oh... wait a second... it's not a graffiti tag, it's a meme tag. Well, that's okay too. Here we go:

Total amount of music files on your computer? According to iTunes, I am currently at 4628 songs. And I'm pretty sure all of them are legal except one: Tarzan Boy, by Baltimora. It's not available digitally at the iTunes Music Store, and I can't find the CD Living in the Background to purchase the song because it's out of print. Since Steve Jobs has stated that he would gladly offer every song ever released on the iTMS, I can only guess that it's the record labels that are the hold-up. Illegal downloading was my only option.

The last CD you bought was... Well, I don't really buy CD's anymore, I purchase all my music from iTunes Music Store so I don't have a piece of plastic to throw out. The last albums I bought from iTMS would be Green Day's excellent American Idiot, and Nightbird by Erasure. Too many terrific 80's synth-pop melodies on that one! I Broke it All in Two and Breathe are absolutely beautiful songs...

What was the last song you listened to before reading this message? Hmmm... last night before I went to bed I was listening to my iPod Shuffle while reading. I think the song would be Closer by Nine Inch Nails.

Write down five songs you often listen to or that mean a lot to you. All my music means a lot to me. It is so very hard to narrow down thousands of favorites to just five... I wouldn't even know where to begin. Since Valentine's Day has just passed, let's talk about love: Don't Answer Me by the Alan Parson's Project (a concert I went to with my best friend who has since departed this mortal plane). Every Breath You Take by The Police (17 years old in a New Orlean's hotel). If You Were Here by the Thompson Twins (first love). Barrel of a Gun by Depeche Mode (love gone very wrong). And Rebel Yell by Billy Idol (the words pretty much speak for themselves).

What 3 people are you going to pass this baton to and why? Gee, there was a "Music Shuffle Meme" not so long ago that gave me an idea of what people are listening to, so I should probably try to find some people who I don't think answered it? I'll pick Ben's Blab, because he recently had an entry about a music playlist but failed to indicate any of the songs or what music he likes. Geekable, because Jeff has incredible taste in music (though I don't think that he "does" memes... a pity). And My So-Called Strife (Kirkkitsch is forever recommending movies, but I have no idea what music he listens to... though I don't think he "does" memes either).

Is that it? Okay then.

Adding a more "world-centric" friendliness to the FridayQ, I'm going to start uploading it to the site Thursday mornings so that those across the International Date Line can access it when it's actually Friday for them (if they so choose).

The FridayQ is interesting to me, because it's a distraction of a wholly personal nature. I made it for me because I missed the Friday Five. It's not meant to be inspiring or have any deep meaning... it's just a quick way to fill up a Friday if you can't think of anything else to write about, (all while revealing a little bit of yourself to your readers that you might not ordinarily get around to mentioning).

For instance, last week a friend was asking me about my recent trip to Europe. After talking about it for a few minutes, he mentioned that he had never been more than a 6-hour drive from the place he was born. This was quite a revelation to me. I'd known him for years, and had no idea. That got me to wondering how many other people never feel the need to venture far from their birthplace.

Thus tomorrow's entry "DISTANCE" was born.

And all the ideas for questions seem to start like that. Something comes up that gets me curious and, viola, it's a FridayQ. What happens then is up to the people who decide to post an entry to their blogs. Some bloggers use the questions as a springboard to write paragraphs of revelations or get something off their chests. Others answer with a single word (sometimes raising more questions than they answer!). Still others use it as a way to test their imaginations with unlikely tales and humorous anecdotes. There is no right way to answer, and it can mean whatever people want it to mean.

And that's all good because it lets me learn a little bit about the bloggers who participate. But mostly because it was never meant to be anything more than a mindless distraction that bloggers can use when they feel like it (or never at all). I just wonder how many questions I've got left in me!

FQ HELPER: It may be helpful to use a globe and a distance calculator for the questions below.

What's the furthest North you've been on this world? What were you doing there? The furthest North I've been is Reykjavik, Iceland (64-degrees North latitude), where I was on layover to see the Hard Rock Cafe there while on my way to Sweden to visit friends and visit another Hard Rock Cafe in Stockholm. It is closely followed by Anchorage, Alaska (61-degrees North latitude), where I was changing planes on the way back from a business trip to Seoul, Korea.

What's the furthest South you've been on this world? What were you doing there? The furthest South I've been is Bali, Indonesia (6-degrees South) where I went to the Hard Rock Resort and Beach Club for vacation. A very cool place if you're looking to get away from it all, by the way!

Where were you born, and what's the furthest you've been from that spot? I was born in San Diego, California (USA) and the furthest I've been from there is Kuala Lumpur at 8883.5 miles / 14296.5 kilometers away. I was in the city during a layover from Singapore to Bali which was arranged so I could see the Hard Rock Cafe there.

FQ AWAY: Name a blog you read that's the most distant from you... whether it be emotionally, culturally, religiously, or by physical loacation. Gee, many blogs I read specifically because they are so distant from me! I suppose rather than just coming up with one of them, I'll run the gamut here. Emotionally, I'd have to say Tonya's Adventure Journalist is furthest from mine... mostly because of her photography, which always strikes an emotional chord with me (different from mine here, which only gets emotional when I rant). Culturally, I'd have to say Healing Iraq is the most distant, because my culture doesn't involve being in the middle of a war zone. Religiously, I'd have to say Shannon Blogs, because the way she applies her faith to daily living is just so over-the-top bizarre to me (albeit in a wholly interesting and captivating way which I respect her for immensely). As for physical location... out of blogs I read regularly that would probably be either Kazza in Sydney, Australia or CoffeeWaffle in Nelson, New Zealand.

Go the distance at the FridayQ.

Are you a collector? If so, what are some of the things you collect? I used to be a huge comic book collector, and still buy about a dozen books each month. Other than that, I collect DVDs, Hard Rock Cafe pins and HRC T-Shirts. I also have quite a collection of postcards, guidebooks, and other crap I've picked up from my travels.

If you could collect anything... no matter how rare or expensive, what would it be? Motorcycles... whether they be rare, not-rare, expensive, cheap, foreign, domestic... it doesn't matter. Any kind of motorcycle at all. If I had Bill Gates money, I'd also collect original works of art by Monet and Diego Rivera, plus glassworks by Dale Chihuly.

Looking around you, what is some ordinary, everyday object you possess that would make an interesting collectable 100 years from now? I'd think my Macintosh G4 Cube would be a pretty cool collectable for some future Mac fanatic.

FQ RECOMMENDED: Are there any public collections you enjoy (museums, galleries, etc.) that we should know about? The Smithsonian is a collection from "America's Attic" that's pretty cool. Though I love museums, and have too many favorites to list, the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York is probably the most impressive, simply because the sheer volume of art in their collection.

Collect yourself at the FridayQ.

Who is an actor or director you trust to always make a good film? What is it about their previous works that make you trust them? I've always been a huge fan of Luc Besson, and will watch anything he creates. As for why I trust him, his track record is just stunning. From La Femme Nikita to Leon to The Big Blue to The Fifth Element to The Messenger, his films are a visual feast and smartly written. Even when he doesn't direct, his stories are fantastic (The Transporter comes to mind).

Where is a place you trust to always make a good food? What is it about their previous culinary creations that make you trust them? There are so many places I enjoy eating, that it's tough to pick only one. I think the place that I eat at more often than most is the "Johnny Rockets" chain of burger restaurants. The reason I trust them is because I have never had a bad meal there, never had bad service, never had a bad experience.

What's a company you trust to always make a good product? What is it about their previous stuff that make you trust them? The most obvious choice is Apple, because I worship just about every brilliant thing they've ever released... particularly in these later years. But I am also very loyal to Sony, because the cameras, electronics, and such that I've purchased from them have all been excellent in terms of both function and quality (unlike Panasonic, where I have NEVER had a good experience with a single item I've purchased).

FQ YOU: What is something you do so well that people can absolutely trust you with it? I'm a kick-ass driver, so I'm tempted to say that, but I don't WANT people to trust me for my driving... so, how about planning a trip. I do it so often for myself that I've gotten pretty good at it. What's something that people should never trust you with? Selecting a wine. I don't drink it very often, know nothing about it, and usually make a selection based solely on whether the name sounds "cool." Sometimes I get lucky ("Conundrum" was a brilliant wine with a very cool name), but mostly I do not.

You can trust the FridayQ.

It's kind of strange how the blogosphere has been so quiet lately. Many regular posters have been skipping days... even weeks... and, most surprising, I haven't seen any new memes running around. I don't know if the advent of Spring is causing people to be distracted, or if bloggers are just tired of blogging. These things run in cycles I suppose.

Imagine my surprise when I see a new meme has been started over at DOWN WITH PANTS! (just after their one-year anniversary, I might add). Inspired by Jay & Silent Bob's bit on VH1, I give you Three Guys I Might Go Gay For. Since this is not a topic I tend to think about, I've decided to make it easy on myself and stick to movie actors so I don't have to get into sports stars, singers, politicians, and other guys I don't know much about...

Hugh Grant. I will admit that I find nothing attractive about Hugh Grant, but his lips used to be pressed against various Elizabeth Hurley body parts, which is somehow appealing to me. He's not an overly-great actor, but he finds roles that he is well-suited for (I thought he was especially good in Notting Hill) so perhaps I could use that as a reason to go all gay over him. Well, that and his money, of course.

Dominic Monaghan. The least gay of all the gay Hobbits in Lord of the Rings, Dominic Monaghan is HOT! Because of his humor, he is one of the few characters on Lost who can divert my attention from Evangeline Lilly (who he happens to be dating), so I can only guess that I could go all gay over him.

Scott Plank. In an attempt to be semi-serious here, if I were to go gay, there is one actor I can think of that I wouldn't mind spending time with... mainly because I have been lucky enough to spend time with him (uhhh... but not like that!): Scott Plank. Unfortunatley, he has passed on, so I'm not sure if he counts. I met Scott during a horrible three month involvement I had with a Hollywood movie project, and can say in all honesty that he was the ONLY person I met during that time who wasn't a self-involved, artificial, arrogant, jerk. When the project ultimately fell apart, I tried my best to put it behind me and forget all about it, but it would be difficult to forget such a fun, humble, kind person like Scott Plank. I was saddened to hear he had died, even more upset that his potential as an actor was never realized while he was alive, and am devastated that my search for photos of him on the internet found practically nothing (the above image was from some kind of stage play he was involved in, because pictures of his television and movie roles don't seem to exist?). Granted he wasn't especially famous, but he was on a number of shows like Air America, Strange Luck, and Melrose Place... surely he should be remembered somewhere? Anyway, a guy could do a lot worse than going all gay over Scott Plank.

And there you have it. In reviewing my picks, I'm not sure what they say about my choice in men. Humor perhaps? That seems to make sense, because once you remove things like "breasts" out of the female equation, that's an appealing factor for me.

There was a dry spell for a while, but now blog memes are slowly starting to creep back into the blogosphere. This time, it's Kirkitsch over at My So-Called Strife who has discovered the "Personality Disorder Test." This is one of those tests that would have been more interesting to take back in high school when I was all messed up and actually cared about being messed up... instead of now, where I am still messed up, but just don't worry about it. Since I so rarely care about what other people think about me, that any paranoia I should be feeling has long since vanished.

Here we go...

Okay, the narcissism I get. While I do care about other people in general, my complete uncaring about how others perceive or react to me goes a long way toward explaining that (and why my other scores are so low). But schizotypal? What's that?

Oh, okay then. I prefer to call this type of behavior "genius," but to each their own. I don't mind being at high risk for genius.

If you could own any item from any movie, what would you take and why? Well, I'd love to have my very own Gort robot from The Day the Earth Stood Still... how cool would that be? My dream of taking over the world would be a piece of cake with Gort there to kick everybody's asses. Or maybe some of the gadgets from the James Bond movies would be handy? Nah, I think the one thing I would want more than any other would be Mace Windu's purple lightsaber from the Star Wars prequels. That way I could open up a can of Samuel L. Jackson-style Jedi whoop-ass all over the stupid people who bug the crap out of me...

If you could become any character from any movie, who would it be and why? Dude! No question, it would be Indiana Jones! He got to run around the world having awesome adventures, finding treasure, and shooting Nazis and stuff! On top of that, if I were Indiana Jones I could literally whip somebody's ass with my bull-whip. That would totally rock...

If you could visit any location from any movie, where would it be and why? Probably inside The Matrix so I could fly around, shoot lots of guns, and go all kung-fu on people who cut me off in traffic...

FQ MOVIE MASH-UP: Combine some items, characters, and locations from different movies to create an entirely new film! What would you call it and what would it be about? I think I'd like to take the chain saw from Texas Chain Saw Massacre, the Alien from Alien, Jason from Friday The 13th, and put them on the ship Discovery with HAL from 2001: A Space Odyssey. Then everybody could battle it out IN OUTER SPACE!! My master-work would then be ready to kick box-office ass and be called: Friday the 13th, 2001: An Alien Chainsaw Massaccre Odyssey. Brilliant! I'd pay serious bank to see that flick.

Be the movies at the FridayQ.

Something green you like to eat... I like frozen peas on my salad, green DOTS candies, and love a slice of lime in a cocktail. But nothing beats a nice Granny Smith apple off the tree, which is a kind of sweet-tart taste that's delicious and invigorating.

Something green you like to wear... My Seattle Sonics T-Shirt. It's old and beaten-up, but I bought it at a Sonics game years ago, and can't bear to part with it because it's so comfy. I also have a Green Bay Packers "Favre" jersey which I save for trips to Wisconsin so that I have adequate camouflage to blend in with the natives.

Something green you like to look at... So many things come immediately to mind. Ireland is so green it almost hurts to look at. I find praying mantis bugs fascinating to watch in a creepy kind of way. I love gemstones, and nicely-cut emeralds are mighty pretty to see. And, of course, I never mind looking at a pile of money, the ultimate green. But, in the end, I'd have to say I like looking at green tree frogs most of all. I used to love frogs as a kid, and these funky little guys are still a favorite.

FQ GALLERY: Post a photo you took (or an illustration you made) of something green.... At first I was going to just post a photo from my iPhoto library, but then I decided I wanted to draw a tree frog. Things kind of got out of hand from there...

But I have some green photos too, like this shot of the Wicklow region of Ireland...

And these avacados artichokes I saw at a market in Barcelona...

And this cool shot of the field in Munich Stadium, where all the seats are green to match, which I thought was a pretty nifty idea...

It's easy being green at the FridayQ.

Well, Neil has gone and done it again... dug up another huge meme that I don't really want to spend time participating in, but feel compelled to nevertheless (and he got it from Richard, so he's equally to blame). This time it's the infamous "Internet Movie DataBase Top 250 Films" (as ranked by IMDB Voters). The idea is that you take the complete list of 250 films and then check-off the ones you've seen. Surprisingly, I've seen all but 77 of them (and only two on the list are unknown to me completely).

It's a terrific idea for a meme and, since I love movies so much, I just can't pass it up (as I have twice before). But TWO-HUNDRED FIFTY?!? Ah well. I've kept the IMDB links, so you can click to learn about the movie if you are so inclined. I've also added my personal rating to those I've seen (Bomb to 5 stars) and, like Neil, have also noted which of the films I own on DVD...

For those of you who could care less about my movie habits, I've put the list in an extended entry.

When is your birthday? March 24th.

Anything interesting happen on your birthday in history? Bilboard published it's very first pop album chart in 1945. Queen Elizabeth I dies in 1603. The Exxon Valdez runs aground in 1989, causing the worst oil spill in U.S. territory. Pink Floyd released Dark Side of the Moon in 1973. And, most interesting of all, Robert Koch announces the discovery of the bacterium responsible for tuberculosis in 1882.

Anybody famous share your birthday? Do you have anything in common with them? Hmmm... Colt's quarterback Peyton Manning (we're both tall... though he's really tall at 6'5"!); Buffy's lesbian witch-friend Willow as played by Alyson Hannigan (She was in the movie American Pie and I like to eat pie); Anorexic, tu-tu wearing Twin Peaks actress Laura Flynn Boyle (we both suffered from dyslexia growing up); Annoying and untalented television personality Star Jones (I think she must like to eat a lot of pie); Fashion designer Tommy Hilfiger (we're both stylin' dudes); Yuki from the Lady Snowblood films herself, Meiko Kaji (we both totally kick ass!); and master magician Harry Houdini (we're both magical).

FQ FUTURE: On your 100th birthday, what year will it be and what do you think you'll be wanting as a present then? It will be the year 2066 and I want my freakin' flying car!! We've been promised flying cars for decades now... surely we should have them in 2066?!? Actually... I'll probably be needing another shot of nanites (teeny-tiny repair robots) injected into me so I can live through the day, so that should really be first on my list.

You say it's your birthday at the FridayQ.

Something foolish you've seen... On the way to work this morning, I saw a woman walking her cat on a leash. The humiliation that this poor cat must have been feeling was priceless.

Something foolish you've heard about... In the "it could only happen in Indiana" department: A company selling cement replicas of famous works like "The Venus di Milo" and Michelangelo's "David" has been ordered to cover these classical works with clothing so as to be in compliance with Indiana state obscenity laws. The best part... the law stipulates that material is obscene and harmful to minors if "considered as a whole, it lacks serious literary, artistic, political or scientific value." Yes, that's right, Venus and David have no artistic value!! Not just foolish... really, really, stupid.

Something foolish you've done recently... Spent an hour looking for a video game yesterday that won't be released until April 5th.

FQ FOOLERY: Tell us of a memorable moment where somebody fooled, punk'd, or pranked you! Given the friends I hang out with, there are so many incidents that it's difficult for me to choose. I'd say the most memorable times I've been punk'd all involve a friend who became very, very wealthy during the dot-com explosion. He was crazy before he became instantly wealthy, but became certifiable after the money started pouring in. He would think nothing about spending thousands of dollars to charter a plane to Vegas for a few friends and then buy out a suite at some swanky hotel for the weekend... that's just the kind of guy he is... (the story continues in an extended entry).

Act the fool at the FridayQ.

Where's the most beautiful place you've ever been? What made it beautiful to you? Edinburgh, Scotland. The architecture and atmosphere of Edinburgh's Old Town is stunningly beautiful. Every time I visit, it takes my breath away. Other beautiful places: York, England; Bryce Canyon, Utah; Barking Sands, Kauai; Bali, Indonesia; La Jolla, California; Gamla Stan - Stockholm, Sweden; Phang Nga, Thailand; Neuschwanstein, Germany; Wicklow, Ireland.

Who's the most beautiful person you can think of? What makes them beautiful to you? Well, my obvious choice would be Elizabeth Hurley, who is one of the most physically beautiful creatures on earth. But beauty can transcend the physical, which is why I find people like the Dali Lama to be beautiful as well. Other beautiful people I've grabbed from my pictures folder: Jessica Alba, Halle Berry, Katie Holmes, Kelly Hu, Salma Hayek, and Angelina Jolie.

What's the most beautiful object you've ever looked at? What makes it beautiful? Hands down "The Pieta," Michelangelo's statue masterpiece... it defines beauty in art to me, and is so powerful that just standing before it is a religious experience. Other beautiful things: my motorcycle, Van Gogh's Starry Night, Petronas Towers, Diego Rivera's The Flower Carrier, my PowerBook Titanium G4, and one of Michelangelo's many, many other master-works, the Sistine Chapel.

FQ LIST: Tell us ten more beautiful things! When you think of "beauty," what one thing comes to mind for the following words:

• music: Eric Sera.
• movie: Field of Dreams.
• book: Jonathan Livingston Seagull.
• meal: Alfredo alla Scrofa.
• gemstone: Sapphire.
• flower: Crocus.
• web site: Google.
• artwork: The Pieta.
• appliance: iPod.
• animal: Tiger.

Beauty is everywhere at the FridayQ.

What are some items of yours that are broken or needing repair right now? My alarm clock, the gas tank on my motorcycle, and my old G4 PowerMac Graphite Tower.

When something breaks, do you tend to live with it broke, repair it yourself, have a professional fix it, or throw it out? I don't care what it is, I almost always try to fix it myself. This can be a real problem, because if I can't end up fixing it I usually end up having to throw it away because I've voided the warranty. Case in point: my old G4 PowerMac Graphite Tower (which I am still hoping to fix one day).

Is there a childhood toy, family heirloom, or some other special item which was broken that you'd very much like to have un-broken? My dad gave me a beautiful set of old drafting tools that are very important to me. I still have the tools, but the case they were in was broken when I moved house. There are few things that I can think of that I would rather have unbroken than that.

FQ DESTROYER: What is something you would like to break intentionally, assuming you could get away with it?After the lying liars at TiVo decided not to make TiVoToGo for the Mac like they promised... I think I should like to bust my TiVo box over their president's head.

Nothing is breakable at the FridayQ.

Any pets as a kid? I had a beautiful black cat named "Midnight." As far as pets go, he was pretty cool.

Any pets now? Unfortunately, no. My travel schedule is such that I wouldn't be able to properly care for a pet if I were to have one (which would be a German Shepherd dog). Of course, there's always Oscar... he's kind of a pet.

Name your favorite famous pet from television or movies. "Brian" from "The Family Guy." Not only is he a dog that can speak and walk on two legs, but he is also a smartass that drinks martinis. What more could you want in a pet?

FQ BEST FRIEND: If money and legality were not a barrier, what exotic animal would you like as a pet? A voracious Tiger that eats people on command.

No leash is required at the FridayQ.

Your favorite sweet food? When did you last have it? My grandmother's apple pie, and I had it about three weeks ago.

Your favorite salty food? When did you last have it? French fries, which I had two days ago.

Your favorite sour food? When did you last have it? Green apples, which I had last summer.

FQ EDIBLE: What's the best thing you've ever tasted? The most horrible thing you've ever tasted? The best thing would have to be Pasta Salvi from Salvi's Bistro in Columbus Ohio... I still fantasize about it, and would probably weigh 700 pounds if I lived anywhere in the vicinity of Columbus. The worst would have to be natto (which is also the strangest), a Japanese delicacy that is nothing less than torture to the uninitiated.

Everything is tasty at the FridayQ.

I am seriously behind in my blog reading. NetNewswire reported that I had 427 entries waiting, which is pretty bad, so I decided to just dedicate my morning to getting caught up.

About 100 deep, I run across an excellent idea for a meme over at Rob's Cucucachoo blog (which he got from an episode of Friends)... where you list the top five celebrities would you have "relations" with, even if you were already in a relationship. I don't think it would surprise anybody if my list looked like this:

1. Elizabeth Hurley.
2. Elizabeth Hurley.
3. Elizabeth Hurley.
4. Elizabeth Hurley.
5. Elizabeth Hurley.

I mean, COME ON!! Have you ever seen anything so delicious in your life?

But, in the interest of being diplomatic to all the women out there who are not Elizabeth Hurley, I suppose it's only fair that I give some other celebs a shot at my sweet, sweet lovin'... here's a slight revision for the moment:

1. Elizabeth Hurley.
2. Katie Holmes.
3. Halle Berry.
4. Jessica Alba.
5. Angelina Jolie.

A pity that you can't go over five... there should be a way to fit Kelly Hu in there somewhere. Oh well, it's not like if Kelly Hu ever made a move on me that I would go "oh, so sorry, but you're not on my list!"

What's an ideal day for you when it's sunny and blue skies? Riding my motorcycle from dawn until dusk. Perhaps over Highway 2 to North Bend, then back again. Having a late lunch, then heading out to the Columbia Basin flats for the afternoon.

What's an ideal day for you when it's overcast and rainy? Riding my motorcycle from dawn until dusk. I don't mind the rain at all when I ride, though I would probably head South in that kind of weather.

What's an ideal day for you when it's cold and snowy? Riding my motorcy... uhhhh... gee. There are no really snow sports I enjoy, so I guess reading a nice book by the fire with a cup of hot chocolate would be nice..

FQ FORECAST: What's the weather forecast for your area this coming weekend? What will you be doing out there in it? It's supposed to be only slightly cloudy with temperatures around 70° F. Perfect riding weather... absolutely perfect riding weather. So I'd imagine that I will be going for a few rides on my motorcycle in-between packing up all these prizes and T-shirts that have to be sent out.

I can tell you what I won't be doing... going to the annual "Apple Blossom Festival" in nearby Wenatchee. The insanity of it all was great when I was a drunken college student, but now it's just a horrendous ordeal that I usually avoid by leaving the country.

For the past year, I exist on about 4-5 hours of rest each night. Apparently, that's all I need. I go to sleep around 1am and usually wake between 4:30 and 5:30am. I have no idea what has changed in my life to shift me away from the 7-8 hours I used to get, but that's the way it is. Usually I don't mind, because it gives me a lot of time to catch up with work, watch TV, and surf the internet, but right now I just want to sleep.

But I can't. And there's this sinking feeling that this might be one of those nights I can't sleep at all.

So I randomly blog-surf and find out that Michael Sean has this massive Xanga journal that pre-dates his current blog. After a while spent poking around his site, I come across another one of those "Things to do Before You Die" lists that I like so much. I really need to update my own list one of these days. My answers to Michael Sean's list are in an extended entry.

What music puts you in the mood for romance? Hmmm... right now I think that might be some of the slower, grungier Depeche Mode tracks off of their Ultra and Songs of Faith and Devotion albums. And you can never go wrong with Barry White.

Where is the perfect place for romancing someone? Paris would be the obvious choice... especially for an American who hasn't been there before. Maui is another obvious choice. New Orleans and San Francisco are very romantic cities as well.

What kind of foods get you feeling romantic? Jägermeister and Maraschino cherries.

FQ LOVER: How would somebody go about winning your heart? Don't try to change me. Don't lie to me. Don't make me be the one to always decide what to do. Don't smoke. Don't expect me to read your mind. Don't smother me. Don't buy me stuffed animals. Don't obsess over my every move. Don't demand to know what I've been doing every moment of every day. Don't ask me to like your friends that don't like me. Don't ask me to forgive you for making out with your ex-boyfriend because "nothing happened." Don't get upset when I don't feel like going shopping. Don't be cruel. Don't play mind-games. Don't think you can't talk to me about it. Don't get mad at me for something without letting me know why. Don't go to bed angry. Don't think I don't care. Or, if all else fails, iron my shirt and buy me a beer.

Fall in love with the FridayQ.

As an eternal optimist (brought forth from my Buddhist studies which dictate that all things turn out as they should in the end), I am always looking for the good in any situation. But it's kind of freaking me out how difficult it is to actually be an optimist now-a-days. Most times I have to be content that I can make up something funny around the situation, rather than actually having something good come out of it. Even then, you have to look really hard.

Three recent examples have me trying to find "the funny" in war, in elderly poverty, and in illiteracy...

The Sad: Soldiers in their desert camouflage saying goodbye to their families at the airport so they can head back to Iraq. The Funny?: One soldier, somehow holding it together for his sobbing wife, turns to her and says: "... and no sleeping with my brother while I'm gone!" More tears... and laughter... as she kisses him goodbye.

The Sad: An older gentleman at Dennys ordering not according to what he wants, but according to what he can afford. Even worse, he probably skipped out buying some medication he needed so he could afford to eat in the first place. The Funny?: The guy sure got bang for his buck. When I returned an hour later to pick up a chocolate shake for take-away, he was still there eating his breakfast value meal and reading a book with his free-refill coffees.

The Sad: The woman discussing her new reading club and saying "it's written in ancient English or something, so it takes a lot longer to read than real books." The Funny?: The book in question was The Invisible Man, written in 1897 (you know... back in ancient British times when Stonehenge was being built and the wheel was invented! I think H.G. Wells carved the story on stone tablets did he not?). Oh well, at least she's reading the original novel rather than renting the Chevy Chase movie spoof. That's got to count for something (though I rather enjoyed Memoirs of an Invisible Man myself).

And in my own life...

The Sad: My job is going to run late into the night tonight, turning this into yet another long day (22 hours+) of nothing but work. The Funny?: By getting work out of the way now, I will have time to stop by "Goblin Valley" tomorrow on my way to a few days of much-needed vacation time in Southern Utah. Goblins are funny.

And, lastly, a musical-baton meme I saw at Neil's World that he got from Hicksdesign:

Total volume of music files on my computer: 22.54GB.

The last CD I bought was: Well, I don't buy CDs anymore, but the last album I bought off of the iTunes Music Store was With Teeth by Nine Inch Nails. It's not Pretty Hate Machine and doesn't reach The Downward Spiral brilliance, but is still pretty kick-ass.

Song playing right now: That would be Halo by Depeche Mode off my iPod Shuffle.

Five songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me: Like Neil says, these are songs that I've been listening to a lot lately - not necessarily my favorites - as seen in the "Last Played" column of iTunes...

1. Edge of the Ocean by Ivy. I heard it (again) on the most excellent television show Grey's Anatomy and can't get it out of my head. Beautiful, beautiful song.
2. Somewhere Only We Know by Keane. Oh how I love this album. Yet another song from Grey's Anatomy.
3. Everybody's Changing by Keane. So beautiful that I get chills every time it hits on my play list.
4. I Wish I Cared by a-ha. My personal anthem. Off of their Minor Earth, Major Sky album which I cannot seem to stop listening to (for over a year now).
5. Steal My Sunshine by Len. I recently rediscovered this song, and play it a lot. You can't help but feel good when you hear this one.

A good meme... but I wish there was a question about upcoming stuff, like "what new release are you most looking forward to" (which, for me, would be Coldplay's upcoming album) because I am always on the look out for new stuff, and am curious to know what everybody else has on the horizon.

What's your native language? Do you speak any foreign languages? If so, how did you come to learn them? My native tongue is Americanized English. I studied Japanese for three years on my own, and got to the point where I could carry on simple conversations with no problem. Unfortunately, I've fallen out of practice, and have forgotten most of it. Other than that, I know basic phrases in German, Spanish, French and a few other assorted world languages... acquired in preparation for my travels.

What's your native country? Have you visited any foreign countries? If so, which ones? I am a native of The United States of America. I've visited an assortment of other countries, including Canada, Mexico, Japan, Thailand, South Korea, Hong Kong, Singapore, Indonesia, Malaysia, England, Scotland, Wales, Ireland, The Netherlands, Iceland, Germany, Austria, Spain, France, Italy, Vatican City, Denmark, Sweden, Jamaica, and the Virgin Islands.

Are there any foreign foods, books, movies, or other items that you are particularly fond of? Name some of your favorites. I love good Indian and Italian food (particularly pasta). I am really into French and Italian films right now, and have always been a huge fan of Japanese animation and manga (comics). I like English snacks and sweets.

FQ NATIVE: If you had to trade your nationality for that of any foreign country, which would you choose and why? That's a tough one. Maybe Swiss so that my neutrality would allow me to visit places that I would otherwise be unwelcome as an American?

It's a foreign affair at the FridayQ.

Which famous person do you think sold out the most to endorse a product? What's the product? Ah, there are so many. I especially love these mega-million stars who consider themselves too good to do commercials here in the USA, but are more than happy to do Asian commercials for major bank (Ben Affleck's stuff is particularly bad). But, in the end, I'd have to say it's a tie between 1996 Presidential nominee Bob Dole for Viagra and former Chicago Bears coach Mike Ditka for Levitra. Yeah, yeah, I understand that erectile dysfunction is a problem for people, and having famous personalities endorse the drugs for it help to break down the stigma surrounding the need for such things... but I think it's the definition of "sell-out" to go on television and talk about problems with your penis. Well, unless you are June Allyson talking about Depends adult diapers, but that's another story altogether.

Which famous person do you think has the best celebrity endorsement for a product? What's the product? I am a huge fan of James Earl Jones, and think his commercials for Verizon DSL are great. But, when I really think about it... getting hottie Jessica Alba to pimp L'Oreal cosmetics was utter genius. What woman doesn't want to look that hot? She is the epitome of "fresh-faced beauty" and doesn't wear cosmetics... cosmetics wear HER...

Which song do you think has best been used to endorse a product? What's the product? No doubt it would have to be Pictures of You by The Cure, which was used brilliantly in HP's campaign for digital photography. I used to love The Cure, then kind of forgot about them until I heard that achingly beautiful song coming from my television and was haunted for days. It completely resurrected my love for the band.

FQ SPOKESMAN: Pair a famous person with a product endorsement that you think would be the perfect match! Angelina Jolie for just about anything. If Microsoft hired Angelina Jolie to pimp WindowsXP, I'd give serious consideration to chucking my Mac and downgrading to a crappy PC. If Jimmy Dean were to hire Angelina Jolie to pimp sausages, I'd be tempted to quit being a vegetarian after 20 years and start eating it. The woman is irresistible. If Apple were smart, they would give her a few million to pimp Macs and iPods in television commercials. She is the perfect spokeswoman for just about any product.

Speak up at the FridayQ.

Why is it I have absolutely no motivation to do anything on a Sunday? It's 10:00am and I have not yet gotten out of bed. But now that I've spent the last two hours catching up on blog reading, I suppose I should consider it. I need to get a bed with a built-in toilet, refrigerator, and microwave so I can spend Sunday as it was intended (and here comes the hate mail from the church-goers!).

Neil has put up a few bizarre Google searches he's received. I was going to do the same, but find that the searches people enter once they're actually here are even more bizarre than what people Google (mostly "Lindsay Lohan Boobies" and the like).

Here are twenty of the more interesting Blogography searches as of late...

• Most Powerful Good Mutants On Earth (which is odd, because I consider myself to be the most powerful EVIL mutant on Earth!)
• show poop (I get a lot of "poop" searches because of this stupid entry)
• www.showpeoplespoop.com (What the-?? And I got this search from more than one person too!)
• diagram of poop (I have no idea...)
• britneyspearsnude (BecauseIwritewithallthewordstogetherlikethis?)
• granny sex pics (uh... disturbing)
• why is martha stewart in jail ? (Because she's a bitch and must be made an example of to women everywhere... luckily men don't get sent to jail for being a bastard, or else I'd be in a "pound you up the ass Federal Penitentiary" right now)
• ellen degeneres favorite shoes (wonder no more... it's a pair of Air Jordan Retro XII's)
• keanu reeves gay (I wish! Keanu is sooooooo hot!!!)
• is dave gay? (Only for Keanu Reeves, though these guys also have a shot)
• dave sexy pics (Hey, ALL my pics are sexy! I just can't help it!)
• dave naked (Why would somebody want to see this? As an FYI, there is a photo of my bare ass on the internet... somewhere... I'm not saying where. I can only guess she thought my ass was perfect, and needed to be shared with the world - anonymously, thankfully)
• sexy photo (Ah, you must be looking for Elizabeth Hurley)
• You are guests in my corn (a quote from my favorite movie of all time)
• mature adult photos (because looking for adult photos on the internet is such a mature activity)
• mix chicks fliks in the park (Picks six tricks for kicks!)
• paula radcliffe peeing (I know she's the Brit marathon gal, but I didn't know that her urine has mystical healing properties)
• vampire women (Aren't they all? Well, at least the ones I've dated)
• stockholm women (I wish)
• how Rhodeisland got his name (Rhodeisland got it's name when our founding fathers forgot to press the space-bar while naming the States of this great nation)

That's only the tip of the iceberg, of course. People come here and search for the strangest stuff.

On behalf of a grateful nation, my thanks to all who sacrificed their lives in the name of freedom this Memorial Day... and every day.

Neil is on a roll, with the meme du jour being a run-through at Blog Ideas. I have alread done this one before, so here's hoping that there are new questions in the mix.

• What is something scientists need to invent? A replacement for fossil fuels would be nice. Preferably one that is renewable and not harmful to the environment. Will it be biodiesel? I have no idea. Better work that one out really quickly.
• My life as a cartoon. Bwah ha hah. I draw too many cartoons of my life as it is.
• Boxers; Briefs; Commando? I mostly wear boxers, though I do own some briefs as well. I have gone commando exactly twice (once because my underwear was forgotten... once because it was stolen).
• Vanity Search @ Google: does your site come up? Both my name and my blog ("Blogography") come up first. That's kind of nice, I guess.
• Pickles: Friend or Foe? Pickles are my friend. I love pickles. I especially love pickle chips, but not on my burger... I always take them off my veggie burger and eat them separately.

Ooooh... time to pack my suitcase. See you in Seattle.

Ack! I've been tagged!!

The latest blogosphere craze seems to be the "Book Meme" which I've been tagged with by James Bow...

How Many Books Do You Own? I am not at home to count them, but it must be at least a hundred. If you include comic books, then the count would be around two to three thousand.

What is the Last Book You Bought? Just One Look by Harlan Coben on May 21st. I rather like it, but haven't had time to finish it.

What is the Last Book You Read? Well, since I haven't yet finished Just One Look yet, I suppose I could say that the last book I completed was yet another reading of Noble House by James Clavell. This is my favorite contemporary novel, and I have read it at least a dozen times now... probably more. Brilliant, brilliant book... and complex enough to demand multiple readings.

Name five books that mean a lot to you. Oog. Narrowing it down to five only? That's tough...

1. Nobel House by James Clavell. As I said, I love, love love this book. I will probably read it ANOTHER dozen times before I die.
2. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams. The first book I can remember to make me laugh out loud while reading it. A lot. Actually, I love all of Adams' books, and could probably make a strong case for putting one of his more serious books (but still hilarious) called Last Chance to See on this list. Fantastic book.
3. A Princess of Mars by Edgar Rice Burroughs. This is not my favorite of the Burroughs "Barsoom Books," but it is the first in the series, and responsible for the ten that followed. So worth reading.
4. Watchemen by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons. The ultimate graphic novel... so utterly brilliant that I loathe to even call it a "comic book" (although it is) because people get the wrong idea. Completely changed a genre, and its influences are still felt even today.
5. Illusions by Richard Bach. Totally changed the way I look at life after reading it. Very few books have affected me as deeply as this one, and I consider it (along with Bach's other amazing book: Jonathan Livingston Seagull) to be essential. If you can ignore the new-age hijinks, and focus on the underlying themes that Bach so beautifully weaves into his stories, this is well worth reading.

Now "tag" five individuals to provide their own lists. Errr... I'm not caught up on my blog reading because of work, so I have no idea who might have done it already. Perhaps Tonya, because she is ALWAYS reading something cool. I have no idea what Mr. Jerz is reading, so that might prove interesting. Gary has similar taste in television shows, so I'm naturally curious as to what he reads. Kachina has a "what I'm reading" graphic on her site, but I'm curious to know what else she might be into. And lastly, how about Anthony McG... I wonder what they're reading in Dublin now?

Who is your favorite artist? What is it about their work that you find so appealing? This is an impossible question for me to answer, because there are literally hundreds of artists I admire equally. Michelangelo is probably furthest up my list, and that's the best I can do. He has such a magnificent and inspiring body of diverse works, that it's hard not to count him as a "favorite among favorites."

What is your favorite work of art? What makes you like it so much? There are two paintings I am infatuated with... The Flower Bearer by Diego Rivera, and Starry Night by Vincent van Gogh. I can't tell you why I like them so much except to say that I seem to connect with them on an emotional level.

Where is your favorite place for art? What does this location have that makes it so great? Hmmm... in choosing among my top three picks of New York City, London, and Paris... I'm going to have to give the edge to New York. That's probably because The Metropolitan Museum of Art, The Guggenheim, and Museum of Modern Art (three of my most favorite) are all there.

FQ ARTISTIC: Create a quick piece of art for us... Ready. Set. GO!

I shall call it... Sunflowers in Utah!

That's two-and-a-half minutes quick! For anybody interested, here is my initial quick sketch superimposed over my impressionistic completed picture...

Get artistic with the FridayQ.

A news story from your past that had a big influence on your life is... It would be easy to answer with the World Trade Center terrorist attacks, because it's so hard to overlook something that recent with such far-reaching effects... but I think I'll have to go with the Space Shuttle Challenger explosion. I was in college, and skipped my morning classes specifically so I could stay home and watch the launch. When it happened, it was shocking in a way that I wasn't prepared to deal with. Now-a-days, of course, we're conditioned to accept shock and horror on a daily basis, so I think it will be difficult to top that one. Though, now that I think about it, the death of Princess Diana was also pretty shocking. I had learned of her car crash in Paris just as I was leaving for a trip to Orlando. Nobody really knew at that point if she was alive or not. When I made it to Florida, I learned that Diana had died, but it didn't really sink in until I was at Disney's United Kingdom Pavilion at Epcot the next day. Since the attraction is literally built and staffed to be a piece of the United Kingdom, it was almost like being there. The British workers were devastated. There were flowers everywhere. Pictures of Lady Di were displayed in all the shops. Nobody spoke. It was a powerful moment I won't soon forget.

A news story that you wish would go away so you never have to hear about it again is... Oh gee, where do I start? Probably with the Michael Jackson trial. I wish they'd just send the guy off to prison and be done with it. I'd also love for the war to end so I wouldn't have to hear about any new deaths in Iraq. It would also be sweet if Britney Spears would drop off the face of the earth... I accidentally caught her "reality show" after the MTV Movie Awards and could not believe what a white-trash skank she's become. Oh, and she can take Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, and all those other sleazy ho-bag role-models for young girls with her.

A news story that you feel deserves much more attention than it has been getting lately is... When Weapons of Mass Destruction were not found in Iraq, we were told it didn't matter because Saddam Hussein was evil and should be gotten rid of anyway. Meanwhile, total GENOCIDE is taking place in Africa by people so evil that they make Hussein look like a humanitarian, and nobody says shit. I suppose if they ever strike oil in Darfur, then people will start to care. Global warming is another pitifully overlooked topic that our government continues to downplay as if it isn't the threat to everybody on the planet that it really is. I'm also upset that the "One Campaign" here in the USA to end world poverty is almost unheard of, which is truly sad. Too many newsworthy stories lost beneath the shuffle of who's sleeping with who in Hollywood. The media tells us what we should care about, and all too often it's stupid crap that doesn't matter. It's appalling. Thankfully the bloggers of the world are picking up the slack.

FQ REPORTER: Look into the future and create a headline for an interesting news story that hasn't happened yet... BELOVED WORLD DICTATOR FOR LIFE DAVE AND HIS FIRST LADY ELIZABETH HURLEY HOLD INTERGALACTIC PEACE CONFERENCE AT THEIR MARTIAN RETREAT. COOKIES AND PUNCH TO BE SERVED.

Be the headlines at the FridayQ.

Writer, student (and self-proclaimed Lord of The Dance) Cavan Terrill has come up with an interesting meme over at his "The Blurred Line Blog." He is basically asking how important the personality of the blogger is to your reading, and which of the bloggers you read would you like to hang out with.

The short answer is that I would like to hang with everybody listed in my blogroll (along with a dozen other bloggers I've forgotten to list, or those bloggers who write so infrequently that I've dropped them). Since I find each person listed there interesting enough that I keep going back for more, I can only guess that they would be interesting enough that I would like to hang with them in person. Nobody on that blogroll is there just because they link to me, or write nice comments... they've earned a spot on the list (I really do need to update it though).

The long answer is a bit more complex because of another question Cavan raises: How well do you actually get to know the bloggers you read every day? And that's the trick, isn't it? Because you can only interpret who a person really is based on what they write. But even the best writers aren't going to give you all the details of their life. When you read a blog, you don't get the whole story... only what the writer wishes you to know.

In the case of my blog, this is actually more true than in others, because I leave quite a lot out. I do not write about my friends and family. I do not write about my work. I (usually) do not write about my more personal problems. There's a lot of things happening with me that will never show up in Blogography. Cavan calls this "quasi-personal" which is exactly right... there's just enough of "me" here that you can probably figure out what type of person I am, but not enough for you to truly know me.

Unfortunately, there is a danger in this... some people don't realize that this blog is "quasi-personal" and think they know all about me just because of what they see here. I'm guessing this would make Blogography "pseudo-personal." I give the impression that this blog is an open book unto my life when, in reality, it isn't (I wrote about this in more depth here).

I will tell you that people who know me in "real life" who also read Blogography often tell me that I seem much angrier in my blog than I am in person. This is true, for obvious reasons. Here I can vent my frustrations knowing that if people don't want to hear it, they just won't read it. If I was bitching like this all the time to my friends, I probably wouldn't have many friends for very long. I am a fairly easy-going guy, and I know that this doesn't always come across here. This will be a relief to some of you (and grave disappointment to others).

Knowing that about myself, I have to wonder why I would want to hang with anybody whose blog I read... because there's always the chance that the person I like so much from their writings will turn out to be entirely different in real life (well, except for Girl on a Glide... she rides a motorcycle, and what else do you really need to know about a person?).

I don't know... would it be worth the risk?

Of course it would. Let's all meet next Thursday and hang out. Mr. Jerz is bringing the beer (happy birthday by the way!).

And, speaking of "happy birthday," best wishes to the love of my life, Elizabeth Hurley, who turns 40 today!

I had seen the "Google Image Meme" someplace, then promptly forgot about it. But then whilst catching up on my blog-reading this weekend, I ran across it again at Chronic Listaholic, and decided to give it a go. It was supposed to be for Sunday, but I ended up having something to write about, and put it off until now.

How it works is this... you are given ten questions, and then have to enter your answer into Google Images to see what comes up for each one. You can either take the first hit, pick a favorite, or however you want to do it so that your answer ends up being a picture...

1. The place you grew up. Cashmere, Washington. I selected a photo of downtown that had a pickup truck and a bunch of flags in the shot, because that pretty much sums it up.
2. The place you live now. Same place, so I used the same photo.
3. Your name. Despite having a pretty good Google Index, my full name does not result in any photos of me popping up (I suppose I should be relieved?). When I simply enter "Dave" I still don't show but, oddly enough, my friend Dave does show up, so he gets his picture here.
4. Your grandmother's name. Despite the fact that my grandmother's name is not "Marilyn Monroe," that's the photo that comes up. Odd.
5. Your favorite food. This is such a toss-up, but I'd have to say the top-three are "Pasta Salvi" (from Salvi's Bistro in Columbus, Ohio), The Da Vinci Pizza (from David's Pizza in Spokane, Washington), and the ORIGINAL Fettucini Alfredo (ONLY from Alfredo alla Scrofa in Rome, Italy).
6. Your favorite drink. It's usually Italian hot chocolate, but given that it's summer time, I chose my current obsession... Coke with Lime.
7. Your favorite song. Would be something by Depeche Mode. But since I didn't want to spend hours trying to narrow it down to a short list, I just picked my current fave song... Everything's Changing by Keane. This is a photo of the lead singer, I think.
8. Your favorite smell. Always grandma's apple pie.
9. Your favorite shoes. Despite being made in a sweat-shop somewhere, my Nike ACG Boots remain my favorite pair of shoes ever. Unfortunately, my favorite fave model has long-since been discontinued, so these are a different pair of Nike ACG boots.
10. Your favorite number. Four. Which is considered hugely bad luck throughout most of Asia. For reason's unknown, this really cool stealth bomber SR-71 Blackbird shot comes up when I type "4" into Google Images.

And there you have it... a cool meme to fill up space in your blog!

Something you like to do or say that's considered to be bad. Riding a motorcycle is bad for your health... with all these SUV-driving distracted soccer moms, it can be fatal.

Something you like to watch or listen to that's considered to be bad. Television itself is considered to be bad by many people, but I just can't help myself. Also, everybody considers 80's synth-pop to be bad, and I listen to a lot of that.

Something you like to eat or drink that's considered to be bad. I'm guessing that would be Jones Blue Bubble Gum Soda. It doesn't seem natural to be consuming something that's this blue.

FQ ASSOCIATION: Tell us something "bad" you associate with the following ten words: movie: Spanglish, song: Country-Western, television: Reality Shows, place: Koontz, book: Atkins, taste: Cauliflower or Broccoli, smell: Vomit, sound: Mobile Phone Ringtones, touch: Slime, and sight: Wrecked Motorcycle.

Be a bad monkey at the FridayQ.

Ack! I've been tagged by Neil.

This one is about stress and anxiety, which doesn't happen to me very often. About the closest thing to stress that I've had recently was a strange disturbance in the force yesterday afternoon... as if thousands of people were crying out in suffering and pain... but then I realized it was just Dave Winer landing in Seattle for Gnomedex, two hours away from here.

List five things you enjoy, even when no one around you wants to go out and play. What lowers your stress/blood pressure/anxiety level? Make a list, post it to your journal, and then tag five friends and ask them to post it to theirs:

• Take a ride my motorcycle. It doesn't matter where.
• Watch a mindless movie on DVD that I've seen a dozen times before.
• Leave the country for a week.
• Play video games set on the "easy" level.
• Write a rant on my blog.

Okay, I lied. Now I am stressing trying to think of five people to tag. Since this is kind of a list thing, my first instinct is to tag SJ at Chronic Listaholic (who would make it 10 things instead of 5)... but she is in the middle of starting the "100 Things About Me" meme, and so I don't want to interrupt.

How about I just grab some random recent commenters?

• Ástríður at Venus Ice.
• Michelle at Moonshine is Pretty.
• Peggy at Totally Unauthorized.
• Carl at On My Planet.
• Delmer at What's a Delmer Look Like?.

Does your home town host any annual gatherings, festivals, or events? This is a very small city, but that doesn't stop us from hosting the annual "Founder's Day Parade" (happening this weekend, coincidentally enough) and "Apple Days" (first weekend in October). It's kind of nice, I suppose, but anything we do pales in comparison to the neighboring city of Leavenworth (which I talk about here).

What is the "claim to fame" of your home town... what is it famous for? The "Early American City" of Cashmere, Washington has three things that are somewhat noteworthy...

• Pioneer Village and Museum. Twenty authentic old pioneer buildings have been relocated to the museum here and is pretty cool. My grandfather (who used to be the barber in town) donated some of the tools that are on display in the barber shop building. They also have a comprehensive display of American Indian artifacts from the area, that is one of the best anywhere.
• Aplets & Cotlets Candy Factory. Makers of famous Aplets (apple-walnut) and Cotlets (apricot-walnut) candies and other fine confections. Since they pass out free samples, it's a popular stop between Leavenworth and Wenatchee for tourists in the area.
• Tree Top Apple Juice Factory. Though Tree Top corporate headquarters are in Selah, Washington, Cashmere is home to one of their processing facilities which handles fruit from local growers.

What's something about your home town that is NOT so great? You are constantly having to run to the nearby city of Wenatchee (20 minutes away) for just about everything and anything. We have a grocery store, a few mini marts, a couple restaurants, and assorted shops... but most everything you end up having to drive to Wenatchee for eventually (that's where the movie theaters are as well).

FQ ARCHITECT: Invent a new attraction to bring even more fame and fortune to your home town. I'd think a shrine to me would be a massive hit! People could come from around the world to pay their respects to Dave, learn his life story, and have big fun... it could be like Neverland Ranch, but without the inappropriate touching... I think I'll call it "DaveLand" - "The Daviest Place on Earth!"

Somewhere you'll probably never go, but would like to. Outer space... like the moon or something. To be more realistic, I'd probably have to say Elizabeth Hurley's bedroom. Okay, that's probably less realistic, but you know...

Something you'll probably never do, but would like to. Visit every Hard Rock Cafe in the world. It was a goal for the longest time but, after I hit visit #100, it was not such a big goal anymore. It's also getting increasingly unrealistic, because properties open and close before I can get to them.

Someone you'll probably never meet, but would like to. Well, there are several people I'd like to meet solely for the purpose of bitch-slapping them back to the stone-age (Judge Judy and Jared the Subway moron is at the top of the list). I'd also like to meet a bunch of bloggers that I read. But, truth to tell, it would be either Elizabeth Hurley or Betty White. If forced to choose, it would be Elizabeth Hurley.

REALITY CHECK: What would have to happen in order for you to actually accomplish those three things? Money. Lots and lots of money. Not that I'm saying Elizabeth Hurley would suddenly let me meet her or visit her bedroom if I had a billion dollars, but I could probably bribe people that allow these disturbing and stalker-ish behavior.

Your thoughts on TV reaity shows... love them or loathe them? Pretty much loathe them, as they take up space that could have been used by excellent, thought-provoking shows that end up cancelled.

Your favorite TV reality show (or the one you are able to tolerate the most). The only show I will not miss is the original reality show: Survivor. I used to download torrents of the UK version of Big Brother, but it's getting more and more difficult to find torrent feeds. I don't watch any others now that Paris Hilton isn't doing The Simple Life, and American Chopper is stuck in a rut.

Your least favorite TV reality show (or the one you find the stranegst/stupidest). There are too many. I loathe American Idol with a passion, so that's probably the most obvious to me. But now David E. Kelley (respectable creator of shows like Ally McBeal and Boston Legal) is sullying himself with a mockery of the law in his upcoming reality courtroom show The Law Firm. I expect that will sink reality TV to even new depths of suckage (though he would have to go a long way to out-skank that bitch Judge Judy).

FQ TV: Invent your own TV reality show. Would you appear on it? I'd like a show that would give me a million dollars and follow me around as I attempt to spend it all in a single week. We could call it Million Dollar Dave, and I would absolutely appear in it.

You too can get real at the FridayQ.

What's the most depressing song you've heard and movie you've watched? Depressing song would have to be something country-western, since I find all of it depressing. But since I don't know the names of any country songs, I guess I'll say "It Couldn't Happen Here" by the Pet Shop Boys. It's not so much the lyrics, as the song's tempo. Easily the most depressing movie ever was Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace because we waited nearly TWO DECADES for that steaming pile of crap. The minute Jar Jar Binks appeared on the screen, I wanted to shoot myself. Well, myself or George Lucas. But mostly George Lucas.

What's the most depressing place you've been? Hollywood, California. Not so much for the city or the people, but because I had a dream project of mine utterly crushed there by a whole team of lying bastards that will roast in hell for all eternity (assuming there is justice in this world... or the next). Every time I go back to L.A., the memory of it consumes me totally, and I'm depressed for days. The smog and traffic doesn't help either. Hmmm... I guess it is the city and the people after all.

What's the most depressing event in current news to you? Gee. How do you choose just one? The London bombings are, of course, depressing me because I love the city so much and have some good friends there. Continuing break-downs in the Middle East along with the ever-growing death-toll in Iraq is seriously depressing. Those f#@%ers at Halliburton getting a new government contract, despite having ripped-off the American people for millions, is mind-numbingly depressing. Then there's Dafur, FOX News, Haiti, lawyers, and the list goes on and on. But what I find most depressing of all is that the top story around the world is the release of a new Harry Potter book. WTF?!?

FQ REMEDY: List five things you do to make yourself feel better when depression strikes.

1. Ride my motorcycle.
2. Watch Elizabeth Hurley in Bedazzled.
3. Eat chocolate ice cream with whipped cream on top.
4. Paint.
5. Get drunk.

I'd like to say that watching DVDs or recordings of my favorite television shows makes me feel better... but since most of them are cancelled, I just get more depressed.

From the past, what's something that's ended which you wish hadn't? The show Cupid, starring Jeremy Piven and Paula Marshall. The best television program ever to air. May the executive at ABC who was responsible for this travesty burn forever in the fiery pits of hell. Oh, and by the way... Jeremy Piven had BETTER win the Emmy for his role on HBO's Entourage. Classic.

From today, what's something that's gone on too long and you wish it would end now? The obvious answer is the Bush regime, because I sure wouldn't be crying if that evaporated tomorrow. But ultimately, I think it's a tie between Microsoft Windows (Vista?!?) or reality television shows... both of which suck ass.

For tomorrow, what's something you wish would never end at all? Coke with Lime. I stopped drinking soda for years, but now that I'm addicted to Coke with Lime, I think that I would die if the Coke people stopped making it.

FQ FINALE: Visit the FridayQ Archives, and revisit an old favorite with new answers, or pick a favorite you missed to answer new. My favorite of all FridayQ's was the fourth one from June 25th, 2004. They were all downhill from there! (Link to my original answers)...

Lie about where you spent your last vacation. Scuba diving the Great Barrier Reef with James Cameron as he did research for his next film: Aquaman.

Tell an untruth about your last romantic encounter. Elizabeth Hurley and I made passionate monkey-love in a Tuscan Villa after she ironed my shirts.

Fib about the last gift you received. Dale Chihuly sent me a piece from his latest glassworks collection. It's a beautiful fluted "seaform" piece in blues and greens.

FQ DARE: This time tell the truth on all the above! My last vacation was two days ago, when I spent 3 hours in HersheyPark. My last romantic encounter was so long ago I don't even remember. The last gift I received was chocolate-covered peanut brittle.

Thanks to everybody who played along with the FridayQ.

Why did the rat cross the road?

I don't know, and apparently neither did he.

On the way home from work today, I had to slam on the brakes because a rat ran out in front of my car from the opposite side of the road. He got all the way across, took a look around, then turned around and ran right back to where he started. Perhaps he thought that things would be better over on the other side, and finally worked up the courage to run across... then found out that the other side of the street wasn't all he had hoped it would be.

I'm sure there's a lesson in there somewhere. Hopefully it involves looking both ways before crossing the street, because that rat very nearly became road kill.

Speaking of rats, I am fearing that the guest list may be slightly altered for Dave's Bad-Ass Blogography Show (whenever I get around to working on it again)...

I'll keep you posted.

Elsewhere in the blogosphere, SJ is forever coming up with cool list ideas for "Chronic Listaholic," but her current list idea is so cool that I'm going to steal it:

Ten Phrases I Hope To Say Someday...

1. "Why yes, I'd love to go out with you Elizabeth Hurley!"
2. "Why yes, I'd be happy to make love to you again Elizabeth Hurley!"
3. "Why yes, I'd be thrilled to move in with you Elizabeth Hurley!"
4. "Why yes, I'd be overjoyed to marry you Elizabeth Hurley!"
5. "Why yes, I'd be delighted to let you iron my shirts Elizabeth Hurley!"
6. "No, I hadn't heard that I'd won 500 million dollars in the lottery. So that's my check then?"
7. "Really? BOTH Judge Judy AND Jared Fogel were decapitated by ninjas? You don't say!"
8. "I never thought I'd see world peace in my lifetime, yet here it is."
9. "I am tickled pink to announce that Jeremy Piven and Paula Marshall are reprising their roles for a contracted ten new seasons of Cupid! Oh, and Dead Link Me, Wonderfalls, and Oh Grow Up! are also coming back to television."
10. "I humbly accept the title of 'Overlord of the Universe' as a lifetime appointment."

Hmmm... I had a rant ready for today, but I want a slice of chocolate cake now. Maybe tomorrow.

After a grueling day at work (thank you Adobe!) I have a grueling night of work ahead of me. It wouldn't suck so much except that I've got some great DVD rentals that I've been wanting to watch. I also would like to make ice cream a few times before summer is over. Homemade ice cream on a hot summer day kicks ass. Waaah.

I found this meme over at The Shape of Days, though it will be tough to top Jeff's answers... 

Five things I'd like never to do again:

1. Use a Windows-based PC.
2. Watch FOX News.
3. Date a psychotic bitch.
4. Hear bad news.
5. Eat natto.

Five things I've lost that I'd like to have back:

1. My best friend.
2. Reality-free television.
3. My pre-dot-com-implosion income level.
4. Adobe customer support.
5. Hope for the future.

Five things you can totally have for a song if you make me the right offer:

1. My piece of shit Panasonic DVD recorder.
2. My piece of shit Panasonic cordless phone.
3. My piece of shit copy of Microsoft Windows XP.
4. My piece of shit Dell Inspiron PC.
5. My endorsement of your product or service.

Five people to whom I owe apologies:

1. Elizabeth Hurley.
2. Elizabeth Hurley's kid.
3. Elizabeth Hurley's fiance.
4. Elizabeth Hurley's extended family.
5. Oscar.

Five people who can totally lick my balls:

1. Jared Fogel.
2. Judge Judy.
3. Ann Coulter, everybody at FOX News, and the entire Bush administration.
4. Whoever canceled Jeremy Piven's Cupid and subsequently refuses to release it on DVD.
5. Elizabeth Hurley's fiance (though I wouldn't refuse Elizabeth Hurley herself, if she was so inclined).

Argh. It's been five days and I still haven't unpacked my suitcase. I should really do that before the clean underwear runs out. It's too hot and sweaty to be going commando. Bleh. One more thing I have to do.

When I decided to shut down the FridayQ, I really didn't think twice about it. I was looking to cut back on my extraneous activities, and felt it was the logical choice since memes have been kind of dying off anyway. To be honest, I didn't think anybody would care, because so few people were participating at the end.

The problem is that the FridayQ was always written weeks in advance. So the smarter thing to do would have been to hold off until after I had run out of material, THEN close it down. Oh well. What's done is done.

Today's FridayQ was going to be about things you enjoy and you don't know why. I concocted it after channel-surfing one day and realizing that, despite the fact that I LOATHE country music, I am a huge fan of Shania Twain. Honestly... I can't stand whiny, twangy country-western. I very nearly gouged my ears out during the height of Garth Brook's popularity. Billy Ray Cyrus singing "Achy Breaky Heart" was enough to send me into epileptic fits. Yet I love me the Shania Twain...

Sure she's brutally hot, but that's only half the package. She's remarkably talented as well. And, for reasons I can't guess, I am totally into her music. And not just her more pop-oriented stuff either... all of it, including the country classics.

I try not to worry about it, but am deathly afraid that it will spread and I'm going to end up buying the latest Willie Nelson or Alan Jackson CD. After that, it's a frightfully short jump to mainlining crap by Clay Aiken and Justin Guarini... at which point I would have to kill myself.

Life was so much simpler before American Idol came along.

Have you ever been tagged with a meme that you could swear you've done before... but can find no trace of it in your archives? Yeah, me too. Maybe it's just that, after two years of rambling on, I've talked about all this stuff at one time or another and it just seems that way.

Oh well. It's nice to get it all out in one place. Anthony, this one's for you:

Seven things I plan to do before I die...

1. Stand on the Great Wall of China.
2. Touch the waters of the Aegean.
3. See Michelangelo's David in Florence.
4. Gaze upon the Great Pyramid in Egypt.
5. Visit New Orleans reborn.
6. Complete an episode of Dave's Bad-Ass Blogography Show.
7. Rule the earth as master of all I survey.

Seven things I can do...

1. Feel comfortable in unfamiliar places.
2. Accept responsibility for my actions.
3. Laugh in the face of adversity.
4. Make a pretty good plate of enchiladas.
5. Talk to complete strangers.
6. Build a cool fort with couch pillows.
7. Be supportive of those who try.
8. Find happiness when there's nothing to be happy about.

Seven things I can not do...

1. Tolerate cruelty.
2. Accept ignorance.
3. Understand violence.
4. Embrace stupidity.
5. Condone laziness.
6. Endure David Caruso's "acting."
7. Eat meat.

Seven things that I find really attractive about the opposite sex...

1. Kindness.
2. Smile.
3. Eyes.
4. Laugh.
5. Touch.
6. Boobies.
7. You're Elizabeth Hurley.

Seven things I say the most...

1. "I'm sorry but you just aren't right for our band, INXS."
2. "Entertain me."
3. "Please."
4. "Thanks."
5. "KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!"
6. "Logan and Veronica 4-Ever."
7. "F#@%."

Seven Books I love...

1. Noble House by James Clavell.
2. Dune. by Frank Herbert
3. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Trilogy by Douglas Adams.
4. Last Chance to See by Douglas Adams.
5. Lightning by Dean Koontz.
6. Tarzan of the Apes by Edgar Rice Burroughs.
7. A Princess of Mars by Edgar Rice Burroughs.

Right about now, I'm suppose to be tagging a bunch of other people for this meme, but I've sworn not to do that anymore. That being said, doesn't this seem like a job for Chronic Listaholic? And I must admit to being curious as to how Karla, everybody's favorite Textpatriate would answer these questions.

A week ago, just as I was in the process of flying back from Hong Kong, James tagged me with an excellent meme: "If I Were a SuperHero." As a long-time fan and lover of comic books, I was duly excited, and spent the two hour layover I had in Japan coming up with a few ideas and sketching them out.

But then I couldn't stop.

All week, whenever I had a spare moment, I worked up dozens of heroes I thought would be a good fit for me. Pages and pages of them. Ultimately, I knew that something had to be done... my life was being destroyed over a meme. So I decided to narrow the choice down to my top-ten favorites...

...and make it into a collectible card game.

Since this is going to be a pretty big entry, I'll post the first half tonight, and the remaining five tomorrow. James, I hope you're happy!

Supreme Pontiff. Elected to the head of the Catholic Church, Dave became Supreme Pontiff... The Ass-Kicking Pope! Armed with the psychic power to explode people's heads and backed by his faithful followers, Dave uses his Papal Power Staff to smite evil non-believers and people who piss him off. Weakness: flying spaghetti monsters.
Strength: 3, Agility: 4, Charisma: 9, Intelligence: 7, Fighting Ability: 6, POWER RATING: 7.

Dave-Devil. Consigned to hell by his right-wing, conservative, religious wacko Blogography readers, Dave quickly rose through the ranks of Satan's army to become Dave-Devil... The Unholy Terror! Able to crush his foes with his fists of flame, Dave-Devil has near-impervious skin, toughened by the fiery brimstone pits of hell itself! Armed with an evil glare and demonic laugh to paralyze his prey, Dave uses his demonic touch to burn his enemies to their very souls. Weakness: televangelists and holy water.
Strength: 7, Agility: 4, Charisma: 4, Intelligence: 2, Fighting Ability: 7, POWER RATING: 4.

The Lone Dick. As one of the most irritating, annoying people on earth, Dave trained in the monasteries of Los Angeles to become The Lone Dick... a shining shaft of light in the fight against crime! Able to control his molecular structure, The Lone Dick can harden to become impenetrable... but, when nervous or upset, can become ultra-limp and slippery, making him impossible to catch. Dave blasts his foes with his dual Dick Pistols, which spray forth a viscous liquid to immobilize all who would dare oppose him. Weakness: nuns, Bea Arthur, fat chicks in spandex.
Strength: 3, Agility: 7, Charisma: 2, Intelligence: 6, Fighting Ability: 3, POWER RATING: 6.

Tube Dude. After becoming so addicted to watching television that he used to his superior intelligence to merge his brain with a TV set, Dave because Tube Dude... the televised avenger! Able to instantly recall complete episode guides for any television program ever aired with his satellite uplink, Dave uses this vast knowledge to defeat his foes with the power of television. Tube Dude attacks his opponents with his cable whip, and a nuclear-powered remote control that can emit a powerful laser force field. Weakness: dead batteries, stupid network executives with cancelation powers.
Strength: 3, Agility: 3, Charisma: 5, Intelligence: 8, Fighting Ability: 2, POWER RATING: 2.

Stalkerman. Finally succumbing to his overwhelming love of Elizabeth Hurley, Dave used his vast fortune to become Stalkerman... the teleporting scourge of the underworld! Able to instantly teleport to any location on earth, Dave uses his stalking skills to defeat those who would oppose his will for world domination (and to secretly stalk hottie movie stars). Stalkerman is all but undefeatable when using his flash-punch to pummel his enemies from afar. Weakness: paparazzi, tabloids, restraining orders.
Strength: 3, Agility: 9, Charisma: 9, Intelligence: 7, Fighting Ability: 8, POWER RATING: 8.

Tune in tomorrow for the rest... it only gets worse from here...

Comic books have been a very large part of my past, and continue to be a source of enjoyment for me even today. They've changed over the years, of course, trying to compete in a world of ever-escalating violence and fun-time alternatives like videogames... but the idea of escaping into the utopian world of super-powered heroes is just as appealing now as it has always been.

Actually, the escape is more necessary now that it has ever been.

Anyway, onward to concluding the saga of the "If I Were a SuperHero" meme from yesterday...

The Davenator. Modified by aliens from the future, Dave received an impervious endoskeleton, giving him fantastic strength and transforming him into The Davenator... unstoppable force against injustice! Armed with every conceivable weapon he can find, The Davenator mows down his foes with bloody abandon. Weakness: The Governator.
Strength: 8, Agility: 6, Charisma: 3, Intelligence: 3, Fighting Ability: 9, POWER RATING: 7.

Monkey Boy. Bitten by a radioactive monkey, Dave became Monkey Boy... the simian protector of the innocent! Armed with his bananarang, Dave boldly goes where other heroes fear to tread. Infused with radioactive monkey saliva, Monkey Boy received a number of fantastic powers... including his fierce "monkey bite" which can gnaw through bones, his ear-splitting "monkey screech" which stops foes in their tracks, and his "howling bitch-slap" which can annoy even the deadliest of opponents. But the most frightening tool in his arsenal is the deadly "Poo fling" where Dave can throw his radioactive monkey feces at villains, temporarily blinding them (and making them smell like crap). Weakness: Buckaroo Banzai, Lord John Whorfin, Black Lectroids.
Strength: 3, Agility: 7, Charisma: 4, Intelligence: 4, Fighting Ability: 3, POWER RATING: 3.

Captain Road Rage. Fed up with the number of stupid drivers on the road, Dave tricked out his automobile with deadly devices to become Captain Road Rage... motor-powered predator of the streets! His faithful Saturn is armor-plated, and able to tear through even a soccer-mom's Hummer with ease. For those driving slow in the passing lane, Dave often uses his "Sonic Death Horn" to liquify them until they're nothing but a stain on the pavement. Lauded by good drivers everywhere, Captain Road Rage uses his network of "road warriors" to stay one-step ahead of the law. Weakness: road blocks, highway construction.
Strength: 4, Agility: 3, Charisma: 7, Intelligence: 5, Fighting Ability: 8, POWER RATING: 5.

Anger Lad. For years Dave absorbed all the stupidity in the world until one day it exploded within him as all-consuming rage, causing him to be reborn as Anger Lad... furious avenger of sanity! With no real superpowers, Dave has to rely on his righteous fury to batter his foes into submission. Armed only with a foul temper and deadly ranting skills, Anger Lad can easily dispatch common idiots, politicians, talk show hosts, spammers, and whack-jobs, in a flurry of obscenities. Weakness: kittens, rainbows, Betty White.
Strength: 3, Agility: 3, Charisma: 5, Intelligence: 8, Fighting Ability: 2, POWER RATING: 2.

UltraDave. The epitome and culmination of the perfection that is Dave, he has evolved to become UltraDave... glorious overlord of all mankind! Using his god-like powers, Dave can pretty much do anything he wants to do. Dave spends his time making the world a better place for his loyal followers, and bringing blessings and prosperity to all who serve him through his divine might. ALL BOW BEFORE ULTRADAVE, OUR BELOVED RULER!! Weakness: none.
Strength: 9+, Agility: 9+, Charisma: 9+, Intelligence: 9+, Fighting Ability: 9+, POWER RATING: 9+.

Okay then, that was fun! Though, if I start spending this kind of time on future blog entries, it will seriously be time to give it up and move on to something more productive!

I always seem to get memed just as I am leaving the country. It must be a conspiracy. And since today's entry is running a little late (it's a long, boring commentary on all the television shows I missed while I was in China), I thought I'd grab two that I've noticed so far, as I catch up with the blogosphere.

James has tagged me with the "Thinkers. Leaders. Doers." meme that, apparently, is all the rage in the Canadian Blogosphere just now. The task is to choose eleven smart and famous individuals to "rule the world" from a list of 100 individuals listed on a BBC website. You must select a leader, a thinker, and an economist, with the other 8 being anybody you wish. Needless to say, I'm rather pissed that I am not on the list, but whatever. Here are my picks...

Thinker: The Dalai Lama. This was a very tough choice. My gut instinct was to select the Dalai Lama, as I am a huge fan of his teachings (specifically) and Buddhism (in general). For me, the entire concept behind Buddhism that I find so appealing is to "do no harm" whether that be by thought or action. But, unfortunately for us, we live in a chain of escalating violence where the Dalai Lama's peaceful ways simply could not rule the world very effectively. I was all set to choose somebody else, but kept coming back to the fact that a world ruled by the Dalai Lama would not be "ruled" at all... it would be a world governed by mutual respect for life. Such a dream is so appealing to me, that I simply could not choose anybody else.

Leader: Nelson Mandela. Believe it or not, I was very close to selecting former President Bill Clinton for the spot. If you can ignore his womanizing and the entire Lewinsky affair, he was actually a decent leader who did much for many people. Unlike President Bush, who I honestly think doesn't give a crap about 98% of the people he is supposed to be representing, I always had the sense that Clinton actually cared. Another contender was Vaclav Havel, because he was always so forward-thinking in his motives for political action, and we could certainly use some of that. But in the end I chose Mandela because he is such an icon for reform against oppressive elements, and a living embodiment of dignity and respect in leadership. How can you argue with that?

Economist: Steve Jobs. This should surprise no one, as I have made it quite clear that I worship the ground His Steveness walks on. He drives success from innovation and beauty as much by economic factors, and this is the way it should be. I loathe the idea of stagnate economics driven by the likes of Bill Gates, who keeps us mired down with a shitty OS (Windows) to run shittier programs (MS Office) and then builds a fortune not by innovation, but on the basis of entrapment. Apple keeps releasing amazing stuff which makes life more interesting, and what do we get from Microsoft? More bloated, buggy crapware that's pretty much the same old shit with a new name or version number. F#@% Bill Gates. F#@% him up his stupid ass (which I would gladly do for even a fraction of his unfathomable wealth).

As for the others... I stopped paging through the endless list of 100 individuals, because many of the people there, while worthy, are simply not in the realm of possibility for me. I decided to just toss out eight additional people that I feel are smart/famous enough to rule the world with the above-mentioned persons (and, granted, I did not give this as much thought as I probably should have... choosing instead to just write down people who popped into my head).

• Elizabeth Hurley (Actress, Business Person). Who gives a crap whether she actually has leadership qualities or not... she would look simply smashing running the world. Admit it, even if she came on television and announced that all right-handed people in the New World Order were to be executed, you'd love her for it.
• Matt Groening (Comic Genius). Creator of The Simpsons, Matt Groening gets the nod for one reason: his short-lived show Futurama. If this is truly his vision for the future of our planet, count me in.
• Luc Besson (Film Director and Writer). I think that a diverse imagination is important for leaders to have, and the man responsible for The Big Blue and The Fifth Element definitely has the imagination for the job.
• Jonathan Ive (Designer, Apple Computer). If all the world could be made as beautiful as an iPod, I think I would very much like to live there.
• Jeremy Piven (Actor). Hug it out bitch! I would want an entertaining world leader, and who could handle that better than Jeremy Piven, who steals every scene he has ever been in and is responsible for the greatest television show of all time: Cupid.
• Richard Bach (Writer). Anybody who can create something as lyrical and beautiful as Jonathan Livingston Seagull and Illusions can rule my world any day.
• Allison Adler & Anya Epstein (Writers, Commander in Chief). Geena Davis' new drama about being the first woman President of the United States, is kind of boring. But there is a quote from the first episode that is so dead-on target, that I rewound and listened to it several times. I don't remember it exactly, but it's something along the lines of "a true power does not seek to rule the world, but to serve it." Anybody who understands this simple concept should have a place in running the planet.
• Me (Evil Genius). Screw the BBC. I am the most capable person I know of to rule the world, and I shall not let the glaring oversight of my omission from their list stand in my way to global domination. Bwaaah ha ha haaaaah!

Anthony has tagged me with the "23rd Post Meme" where you search your blog archive for your 23rd entry, then excerpt the fifth sentence. He wonders if I have stopped doing memes, which I haven't... I just don't tag other bloggers with them anymore.

Anyway, here's an excerpt from my 23rd post... "Of life and Arizona".

This amazing, amazing place was supposed to kill 2 hours on the way to the Big Event, but ended up sucking an entire day... and I would have dearly loved to stay longer.

This was said in reference to the Sedona area of Arizona (near the Grand Canyon), which truly is one of the most amazing places on earth.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got another 8 hours of television to watch...

Anxious to have a post about Kool-Aid Man's penis no longer be the first entry on my blog, I am picking up Kevin's Halloween Meme (oooh... say that out loud... "Halloween Meme" and then follow it with an evil "Bwaaah ha ha haaaaahhh!").

Sorry Kevin, but you missed the perfect name for this one: Hallowmeme! Get it?! Ha ha ha! I kill me!

Anyway, I like Halloween well enough, but it has not always turned out to be the best night of the year for me. Something unexpected (and not in a good way) always seems to happen. I guess that's why this year I'll be hidden away in my apartment catching up on television shows I missed from my recent travels instead of heading out to a party or something.

1. Do you prefer "trick" or "treat"?  Please explain. Depends... if I am the one doing the "tricking" then I like tricks. If the big-breasted whore on First Avenue is the one doing the "tricking" then I definitely like tricks. But if I am the one BEING tricked, I don't like them so much (as to why, you might want to read this). I think anybody would rather be on the receiving end of a "treat" wouldn't they?
2. What year did you quit trick or treating?  How old were you then? I honestly can't remember. I was fairly young still... because once you get older you go to Halloween parties instead of trick-or-treating.
3. What was your favorite costume?  Did you make or buy it?  How much did you spend on it (money or time)? My favorite costume was either a home-made Robot when I was a kid, or the time I went to a "sex switch" Halloween party as Wonder Woman (and girl, I was fierce!). The robot was my own design made out of cardboard boxes and tin-foil. I spent weeks on it, because it had motors and lights (that were all battery operated) plastered on it. Not a lot of money on that one. The Wonder Woman costume was much trickier... I didn't want to look like a cheap Wonder Woman, so I ordered a quality outfit. And then certain, ahem, "modifications" had to be made to it so that I could fit into the thing (or fit my thing into it, depending on how you look at it). That was an expensive costume once all was said and done... probably $100 (and that wasn't including the cost of the wig I borrowed).
4. What are/were your five most favorite things to receive when trick or treating? For treats, it goes in descending order... Uno candy bar, Reeses Peanut Butter Cup, Candy Corn, mini boxes of Dots candies, and Hershey's Chocolate Bar with Almonds.
5. What are/were your five least favorite things to receive when trick or treating? For treats, it goes in descending order... Almond Joy Bar (I hate coconut), suckers (how cheap-ass can you get?), Bazooka Joe gum (how cheap-ass can you get?), Pixie Sticks, and any of that gross hard candy.
6. Have you ever been chased by cops or unruly mobs of costumed children on Halloween? Chased? Not really. The cops showed up to a party I was at just four years ago (they were there to halt the noise, and it was only 8:30pm!). They were perplexed at us having a Halloween party where nobody was in costume, and I think they just decided to give us a hard time because of it. I once got caught up with a bunch of kids invading a mall for trick-or-treating... they didn't chase me, but I was trapped in a Hallmark store until they got their candy and left.
7. What's the worst thing you've ever done on Halloween? Killed a man. Ha ha ha... no, not really. Well, maybe. I once got so drunk at a Halloween party that I woke up in a total stranger's house, had no idea how I got there, and had to sneak out and find a phone at a local mini mart to be picked up. I suppose that I could have killed a man that night, but nothing showed up in the papers.
8. What is your biggest Halloween disappointment? A girl I was was semi-dating got so mad at me that a big night of fun turned into a big night of disappointment. It didn't help that I was being yelled at whilst dressed in a Wonder Woman costume. How is a golden lasso supposed to help in a situation like that?

Lovely. Now the entire internet knows that I like to dress up as Wonder Woman... ahem, I mean that I once dressed up as Wonder Woman for a costume party JUST ONCE and I didn't enjoy it at all. No sir, not one bit... with my sexy satin hot pants, my shiny bustier, and my kicky tiara and golden lasso... nuh uh... nope, that was no fun at all. Hated every minute of it.

But I must say, my ass was looking mighty fine in those pants!

Thanks a lot Kevin. I'm sure I've just added a few more gay percentage points to my profile because of this. What am I now... 25%? I dunno, 25% to 28%... somewhere in there I think? Damn those satin hot pants and my fine-looking ass!

Winter travel is always interesting, because you have no idea if you will actually reach your destination. Flying out of the small airport at Wenatchee this morning presented even more of a problem, because a snowstorm had just hit. Fortunately, gallons of de-icer dumped over the plane allowed us a departure only a half-hour late, which was better than I could have hoped for. Once in Seattle, it was a relatively quick three-hour hop to Chicago, which was having a snowstorm all its own. As we pulled into the gate, all the planes were getting deluged in de-icer. I can only hope the stuff is biodegradable.

Once I had arrived in the Windy City and waited a half-hour in the bitter cold for the hotel shuttle, I was shocked to see that I was not the only one waiting for a ride... a full dozen people were crowding on the small bus. This seemed unreal given that other shuttles were leaving with only one or two passengers, and I couldn't figure out why the Wyndham Hotel should be so popular.

Until I arrived to find that there is a huge Dr. Who convention here.

Apparently this one is particularly meaningful to fans because the "Fifth Doctor" himself... Peter Davison... is in attendance. This stroke of luck has me wishing that I was a bigger fan (sorry James!), though work would prohibit me from attending anyway.

Why couldn't it have been a Veronica Mars convention? I would have skipped work for that! I'd probably get fired, but at least I would have Kristen Bell's autograph to console me during unemployment!

I'm not so much into memes anymore, but Kachina has come across a musical meme I haven't seen before, so here we are...

1. Of all the bands/artists in your cd/record collection, which one do you own the most albums by? I am not at home to count, but I am guessing it would be The Thompson Twins. I have an exhaustive collection of singles, maxi-singles, albums, imports, specials, collector editions, bootlegs, picture discs, and the like. Along with Depeche Mode and a-ha, they were an 80's favorite.
2. What was the last song you listened to? A Pain That I'm Used To by Depeche Mode. I was almost finished with it when the stewardess asked me to turn off my iPod.
3. What’s in your record/cd player right now? Well, I don't have a record or cd player anymore, but my PowerBook here has an exhaustive collection of 6784 tracks that would be far too long to list here. If it help, the last cd I bought (because it was unavailable from the iTunes Music Store) was How Can I Sleep With Your Voice In My Head, a live album by a-ha.
4. What song would you say sums you up? Oh man... how can I pick just one? Katrina got three, so I'm taking three as well! First would be I Wish I Cared by a-ha, second would be Nothing by Depeche Mode, and third would be Hard Road by The Shore (an amazing band that I have absolutely no idea why they aren't massively popular).
5. What’s your favorite local band? Well, it was Nirvana. At the height of the grunge scene in Seattle, I was lucky enough to see them in concert a few times. But Nirvana is no more, so I guess I'd have to say "The Retros" which is a funky 80's cover band that's always a lot of fun to see live.
6. What was the last show you attended? It was a club in Seattle, but I forget the name of the band. Heck, I forget most of what happened that night!
7. What was the greatest show you’ve ever been to? Depeche Mode's "Music for the Masses" tour in 1988.
8. What’s the worst band you’ve ever seen in concert? Well... that would probably be Chris Isaacs... but it wasn't his fault! His set was actually pretty good, but he was being booed off-stage, which kind of killed the mood.
9. What band do you love musically but hate the members of? Oasis.
10. What show are you looking forward to? Depeche Mode's "Playing the Angel" tour next week!
11. What is your favorite band shirt? It's an old, ancient Thompson Twins 84 Tour shirt that has their terrific Satori logo on grey. Love it. Still own it. Need to photograph it.
12. What musician would you like to hang out with for a day? Any of The Corrs sisters would do nicely.
13. What musician would you like to be in love with for a day? Any of The Corrs sisters would do nicely.
14. Metal question-Jeans and Leather vs. Cracker Jack clothes? Neither... though you would probably see me in jeans and leather first.
15. Sabbath or solo Ozzy? Sabbath.
16. Commodores or solo Lionel Ritchie? Uhhhh... do I have to choose?
17. Punk rock, hip hop or heavy metal? Rock. Though there was a day punk was the world.
18. Doesn’t Primus suck? Except for their South Park song, I guess.
19. Name 4 flawless albums: a-ha, Minor Earth, Major Sky. Depeche Mode, 101. Nirvana, Nevermind. The Cure, Disintegration
20. Did you know that filling out this survey makes you a music geek? Uhhh... okay.
21. What was the greatest decade for music? For me, it would probably be the synth-pop days of the 80's, but the "Seattle Sound" in the 90's was absolutely revolutionary, so I'll go with that.
22. How many music-related videos/dvds do you own? About 15.
23. Do you like Journey? Not really. I don't think I ever did, and have never owned any of their music.
24. Don’t try to pretend you don’t! Really, I don't.
25. What is your favorite movie soundtrack? Depeche Mode 101. Which counts, because it was the soundtrack to the Pennebaker concert film of the same name.
26. What was your last musical “phase” before you wisened up? I never seem to get any wiser.
27. What’s the crappiest CD/record/etc. you’ve ever bought? It was some crappy CD by Jermaine Stewart, because I needed that equally crappy song "We Don't Have to Take Our Clothes Off" for some project I was working on.
28. Do you prefer vinyl or CDs? Neither. I'm all digital now and have converted everything over to iTunes.

And on that happy note, I'm off to bed. Is it too much to hope that Chicago weather will be kind to me tomorrow morning when I pick up my rental car?

BLOGOGRAPHY FLASHBACK ENTRY: Love
BLOGDATE: March 22, 2005
   
In which Dave professes an unnatural attraction towards his PowerBook and contemplates the merits of loving a Mac vs. loving a girlfriend.
Click here to go back in time...

I have a strange amount of free time tonight, but nothing really interesting to write about. That almost never happens. I guess that means things are going to be pretty random this time. If I were you, I'd skip today's entry.

One thing I DID do was go see the new movie The Family Stone today, and found it fairly entertaining. The only thing that really, really bugged me was the last five minutes of the film, where they decided to tack on an incredibly stupid and condescending "happy ending" that was completely unnecessary (and unbelievable). Why is it that films made for American audiences feel compelled to wrap-up and explain every last little detail? Are audiences really so stupid and unimaginative that they need it all spelled-out for them? It's really quite sad, because the movie was pretty good otherwise. The casting was perfect, though I think Luke Wilson completely stole every scene he was in.

And, in other news, Fed-Ex told me that I need a reality check...

Yes. Thanks for the tip. Always best to make sure that the roads still exist before driving on them. I'll be sure to keep that in mind.

Oooh... now here we go... Anthony has tagged me with a "List Five Weird Habits of Yourself" meme! I'll go ahead and answer, but I have a policy to not tag others, so feel free to tag yourself if you want.

Five Weird Dave Habits...

1. Whenever I have a job where I am working a cash register, I have this nasty habit of bitch-slapping people who don't trust me to count out their change. The minute they start recounting it, I can't help it... they get slapped (just kidding Anthony!).
2. I am in the habit of stopping at every magazine stand I pass so I can check to see if there is anything new happening with Elizabeth Hurley. This isn't so weird until you understand that I will gladly stop at three separate stands in the same mall just in case one of them has an Elizabeth Hurley magazine that the others somehow missed.
3. I cannot pass up watching Star Trek's I, II, IV, or VI when they air on television. This is particularly weird habit considering that I own them in extended DVD editions that are commercial-free.
4. When traveling, I have the habit of packing a pair of "lucky underwear" for the return-trip home. They're a pair of "Tiki Bowl" Joe Boxers, and have been traveling with me for years. I am starting to get worried that they will wear out, so I rarely wear them except on travels.
5. I have the expensive habit of buying every new iPod model that Apple releases. I always give away the older version when the new one arrives, but that still adds up to a lot of money spent on iPods. I haven't got the iPod Video yet, but I'm guessing that will happen eventually.

Hey, how about that, I actually managed to scrape together enough stuff to post an entry after all!

CHAPTER 18: Little Bummer Boy.
LEGO ADVENT CALENDAR TOY OF THE DAY: Kid with a walkie-talkie.
   
After the murder of his good best friend Barky the Dog, Lego Dave sets out for revenge against the evil Lego Buzz...
   
"BAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRKYYYYYY!" yells Lego Dave, his fist shaking in the air. "I WILL AVENGE YOOOOOOOUU!"
   
But where to find Lego Buzz? He could be anywhere by now! Not knowing where to go, Lego Dave decides to wander back to the demolished jewelry store where he first met him to look for clues. But, along the way, he spies a mean-looking kid with a walkie-talkie playing with precious gemstones... just like the ones that Lego Buzz stole from the jewelry store safe he broke into!
   
"Hey kid! Where did you get those precious gemstones?" asks Lego Dave.
"None of your business, loser!" snipes the little jerk. "Why don't you get lost!"
"Well I'm a fireman, kid, you have to tell me, because it's the law!" proclaims Lego Dave.
"If you must know, my dad gave them to me!" snaps the mean kid...

"Dude!" exclaims Lego Dave. "Your dad is Lego Buzz?"
"Yeah? So what, you dick!" quips the brat. "I'm Lego Buzz Jr.!"
"Wow!" says Lego Dave. "I'm a good friend of your dad's. Where is he at?"
"Bite me!" Junior retorts with not an ounce of respect. "I ain't telling you anything!"
   
His first clue is a dead-end! How can Lego Dave track down Barky's killer now?
   
FIND OUT TOMORROW WHEN DAVE'S "A VERY LEGO HOLIDAY TALE" CONTINUES!

I don't really make New Year's resolutions.

Mostly because I am exactly perfect the way I am, and wouldn't change a single thing about me.

But the meme du jour for the last day of the year seems to be either resolutions or "best of" type lists, with many people listing out what they are looking forward to in 2006 as well. I figure I'd just save some time and smoosh them all together in a single meme that covers Movies, Music, Television, and Travel... all those fun and exciting things that make life worth living.

Or something like that.

Nothing is happening. Nothing at all. Must be time for that "What are you looking forward to" meme?

Today: I am looking forward to breakfast right now because I'm hungry. I think it will be Peanut Butter Captain Crunch and some toast.

Tomorrow: NEW VERONICA MARS!! Finally.

This week: I read the original short story Brokeback Mountain and found it to be slow, boring, and pointless. I had no intention of seeing a slow, boring, pointless film based on it, but everybody and they're dog is telling me that I simply must see it, so I am going to do that later this week. I'm kind of looking forward to it.

Next week: After watching James Lipton kiss Elton John's ass for two hours straight on Inside The Actors Studio, I was a bit shocked to see that next week's guest is Dave Chappelle. The interesting bit is that Lipton somehow mustered the balls to ask Dave about his freak-out retreat to Africa in the middle of filming the third season of Chappelle's Show. I will definitely be looking forward to that.

This month: The months almost over, so I guess I am looking forward to the month being over.

Next month: A good friend whom I haven't seen in a very long time will be in town next month. Sadly, she's only around for a few days, but I am absolutely looking forward to seeing her.

This year: Believe it or not, I am looking forward to the release of Windows Vista. I know, I know... I'm a Microsoft-loathing Mac whore, so why would I even care? Because I am tired of having to work with Windows as it currently exists. Windows is a bug-ridden, virus-laden pile of crap that I've found to be faulty and unreliable. And since Vista is supposed to fix so many of the problems I have with the OS, I can only assume that it will be easier for me to deal with. That's a good thing. It would be nice to work on a Windows machine and not have to be screaming the entire time. It would also be nice for Apple to have some renewed competition so they continue to push ahead. So yes, I am looking forward to Vista, which I think is supposed to launch this year.

Next year: Futurama, my favorite animated show of all time, is coming back for a series of four feature-length, direct-to-DVD films. Bender is the most brilliant animated characters ever, and I've missed him terribly. Needless to say, I'm looking forward to that (much more than the news about the possible new Friends movies)...

What? Is that it? I'm done? Okay then, I'm off to breakfast.

BLOGOGRAPHY FLASHBACK ENTRY: Dental
BLOGDATE: March 9, 2004
   
In which Dave is captured by the enemy and subjected to oral torture.
Click here to go back in time...

You know the satisfaction that comes from a job well done? The sweet victory of completing a project you can be proud of? Knowing that you took the time to do something right, and it shows?

Yeah, me to. It's a great feeling isn't it?

Unless you are building a web site.

Because no matter how much time you spend making sure everything is compliant with web standards... no matter how long you take to validate every line of hand-coded HTML... no matter what you do to ensure that everything will appear exactly as you intended it to look...

It all falls apart when you look at the site in Internet Explorer...

Suddenly, all the hard work... all the hours... all the painstaking attention to detail... it's all turned to shit because Microsoft's browser sucks ass. Sometimes the Internet Explorer Effect™ is so heinous that sites which render perfectly in every other browser on earth become unusable. I could go into details (the box model is f#@%ed up, floats aren't handled properly, no support for max-width, etc. etc. etc. etc.) but none of it really matters. The simple fact is that Internet Explorer is garbage. Unfortunately, people don't seem to realize it...

HALF the world is using Internet Explorer, so it doesn't matter that the browser sucks donkey balls. You pretty much have to hack your site to work around all the bugs, omissions, inaccuracies, and f#@%-ups in IE, or else all these people will think it's your fault things look like crap.

There's always the hope that the next version of IE will fix all the problems, but it doesn't really matter because so few people will bother to upgrade. This makes Internet Explorer the equivalent of a case of herpes that will never go away completely. All you can do is put a condom on your site and hope that it doesn't mess things up for the browsers that don't have an STD.

I dunno. Maybe if enough IE victims are convinced to make a better choice, the percentage of users will drop so low that designers won't have to worry about the Internet Explorer Effect™ anymore. Finally, the internet will be beautiful once again (and mostly disease-free).

Oh well. Since I've spent most of my day being beaten into submission by a crappy web browser, I might as well get that "FOUR THINGS" meme out of the way. I've been tagged a couple of times before, but now Gerry and Karla have nabbed me in a weakened state, so here we go:

Courtesy of being tagged by Kachina over at A Whiter Shade of Pale comes this meme asking you to list your top ten favorite love songs. I think it was originally meant for Valentine's Day, but is only just now making its way here. This meme is more difficult for me than most, because most of my adventures in love have ended up being the absolute worst times in my life. It would be all too easy to pick the most depressing songs I could find and shove them in a list, but that's kind of like cheating, and so I'll put a little more work into it.

So as not to offend the meme-hating masses, my answers are in an extended entry...

Kevin found something fun over at his Kapgar Blog and, even though I actually had a topic today, I decided I wanted to play too.

The deal is that you upload your photo to this MyHeritage site and they match you to their star-studded celebrity database of images to see who you most resemble. In Kevin's case, it ended up being a bunch of women. This had me terribly worried, because he's far more butch than I am.

Anyway, if you want to see my results and read my conclusion, it's all in an extended entry...

Blogging is an effortless endeavor for me. I've read about bloggers who struggle with every new entry, bloggers who get burned out, bloggers who can't think of things to write, bloggers who ramble on because they don't have anything to say... but it's never that way for me. I just sit down to write and, 10-20 minutes later, it's over. Results may vary, but that's all there ever is to it.

But not today.

I woke up, had a few minutes to write... but didn't feel like it.

The twenty minutes I take for lunch... didn't feel like it.

Home from work and done with dinner... didn't feel like it.

Now I've watched a couple hours of TiVo-recorded television... and still don't feel like it.

Maybe if I make a toy boat from a photo I took in St. Thomas...

Awww, cute. But I still don't feel like it. Maybe a dippy internet qiz will help... like "Which of the Seven Deadly Sins Are You?"

Uhhh, no. Stupid quizzes are still stupid. How about a meme I found at Blue Goo Ate My Mom?

• When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was behind you? The bathroom door.
• How much cash did you spend yesterday? Around $30.
• What's a word that rhymes with mist? List.
• Favorite planet, which you would live on, if you could? Kashyyyk, where the Wookies live! Or maybe that planet in Star Trek where the hot green bitches are.
• Who is the LAST person you kissed? Mary.
• What is your favorite ring on your phone? Vibrate.
• What is the last band shirt you wore? My Thompson Twins "Into The Gap" tour shirt which I wore on Sunday from a concert I attended in 1984.
• What do you think of yourself? I am astoundingly brilliant, and should totally be ruling the earth.
• Name the brand of your shoes you're currently wearing? Nike.
• Night light or pitch black? Pitch black.
• What do you think about the (previous) person who took this? He has one of the sexiest blog templates ever.
• What were you doing at midnight last night? Working on the BloggerPeeps sidebar widget.
• What did your last text message say that you received? I don't know... it was Verizon trying to sell me something so I deleted it without looking.
• Where is the nearest Valero? WTF is a Valero?
• What's something that you say a lot? "Crap!"
• Who told you they loved you last? My grandmother.
• Last furry thing you touched? A towel.
• How Many Drugs Have You Done In The Past three Days? Uhhh... none.
• Favorite age you have been so far? 30.
• Your worst enemy? Jared Fogle, the Subway Sandwich whore.
• What is your current desktop picture? My friends, from a trip I took with them to Expo 86 in Vancouver.
• What was the last thing you said to someone? Bye.
• How do you like your eggs? Over medium.
• Do you like someone? I like a lot of people.
• The last song you listened to? Nothing's Impossible by Depeche Mode.

Eh. I give up. :-(

I first saw this meme at Chronic Listaholic, and misunderstood it to be that you have to answer every question using only the title of songs by The Eagles. Now I see that Kevin over at Kapgar has done it, and apparently you get to choose the band you want to answer with.

Now that I can do...

Choose a band/artist and answer ONLY in titles of their songs...
Based solely on question #5, I'm going to have to go with Depeche Mode. I should try it again with either a-ha or Erasure, because they both have some songs that are perfect for this kind of thing.

1. Are you male or female?
"Somebody"? (see, if I was going with Erasure, I could have answered "Boy"!).

2. Describe yourself:
"People are People" (hey, I should have said "Sweetest Perfection"!).

3. How do some people feel about you:
"Just Can't Get Enough" (because can you ever really have enough Dave?).

4. How do you feel about yourself:
"Dangerous" (I could be dangerous if I wanted to).

5. Describe your ex boyfriend/girlfriend:
For the last one it would have to be "Now This is Fun".
For the one before that, "A Pain That I'm Used To"".
For the one before that, "Lie to Me".
For the one before that, "Barrel of a Gun".
(Thankfully, I don't have to answer "Shake the Disease"!)

6. Describe your current significant other:
"Nothing".

7. Describe where you want to be:
"Behind the Wheel" (I was going to say "In Your Room" but thought that might scare you).

8. Describe how you live:
"It Doesn't Matter" (because so few things in life actually do).

9. Describe how you love:
"I Feel You" (or, on occasion, "Strangelove").

10. What would you ask for if you had just one wish:
"Never Let Me Down Again" ("Policy of Truth" would also be nice).

11. Share a few words of wisdom:
Either "Nothing's Impossible" or "Everything Counts".

12. Now say goodbye:
"Leave in Silence".

Funny, I just went back to Chronic Listaholic so I could link to SJ for starting this, and see that she had asked to see me answer with Depeche Mode songs in the comments. Cue Twilight Zone theme here.

This morning I had set my alarm an hour early to 4:30am so that I could write my first "Lost Blogs" entry. As it turns out, that was hardly necessary, because I was awoken by a loud pounding on my door shortly after 4:00am. "Mr. Simmer? Mr. Simmer are you there?" a voice shouted from outside. Worried that the racket would wake up my neighbors and give them even more reason to torment me, I rushed to answer.

Standing there was a smallish man with a pink face who was dressed in a drab, wrinkled suit and a brown overcoat that was too big for him. Without an invitation, the man (who introduced himself only as "Professor Blattenthorp") rushed passed me to the dining room table, talking a mile a minute.

It turns out that professor had purchased a book at an estate sale, and found the last page of a letter inside of it. It was undated, faded, and badly torn, so the author was not known. The only thing that could be identified was my name, and a web address for Blogography! The letter appeared to pre-date the internet by a wide margin, so the professor was quite anxious to know about it. The contents of the document seemed wildly impossible, yet all evidence pointed to it being real...

The professor had written out the contents as follows...

I find myself in a state of disbelief as to what has just occurred.
   
I was tending to my dismal finances, as is my custom most evenings, when suddenly I see a golden glow emanating from behind me. In haste I turn around to discover a rather tall gentleman has appeared as if from thin air! He is dressed in strange attire, the likes of which I have never seen. He is ruggedly handsome, with a tousle of dark hair and a well-trimmed beard. There is an aura about him which I cannot explain, but I had an immediate sense to trust him implicitly.
   
Once I had gathered my senses, I bade this stranger to tell me his name. I learn that he is called "David Simmer" and he has a favor to ask of me. From out of his satchel he hands me a smooth metal box with rounded corners. It is of a dull silver color... aluminum perhaps... and I am guessing it measures approx. 14-inches by 9-inches and is an inch thick. Mr. Simmer tells me that this is a "Macintosh" (though it looks nothing of apples!) and it possesses a magical connection to the future.
   
I scoff at his unbelievable tale, yet he assures me he speaks the truth. As if to prove himself, he presses a small latch on the metal box and it opens and comes to life! It seems all at once impossible and magical, but I soon learn that this "Macintosh" is indeed a link to the future. "And what would you have me do with this device?" I asked. The stranger laughs warmly, and then lays a gentle hand upon my shoulder. "My friend", he replies, "I want nothing more than your thoughts of life in this time. Your hopes, your dreams, your experiences... all the things you find interesting about your world here. I ask that you keep a journal, as a link from my time to yours, so that I might know better how you live here in this primitive past!"
   
And then David Simmer vanished, as if he had never been.
   
I must admit to being skeptical of his ask, but the overwhelming trust and affection I feel for this stranger forbade me to decline. And thus I have begun to write in this wondrous device as a matter of course. I am told that if a future-person wishes to read of my journal, he has nothing more to do than to navigate his own Macintosh to the address that follows:
https://www.blogography.com/lostblogs
   
Yours very sincerely,
???

Naturally, I know nothing about it. The "ruggedly handsome" part certainly sounds like me though, and so I can only assume that this is a reference to my future-self or something. But, despite it all, I tell the professor that it is absolutely impossible for there to be such a URL on Blogography, because I just moved hosting companies, and would have seen it. He then tells me that he verified the link in the document immediately after finding it, which was just around midnight. After that, he drove straight from Idaho to my door seeking answers.

I laughed in his face, because I was certain that such a link does not exist at Blogography, and decided to prove it to him. I wake up me beloved Macintosh G4 Cube and type it in.

It turns out that the link is real.

I don't know how. I don't know why. But it's there: https://www.blogography.com/lostblogs is an actual, working URL on my site.

I have no idea what is happening, but it seems that the "me" from the future has decided to take care of this "Lost Blogs" thing for me. So, as it turns out, I get to play along with the rest of you in an attempt to figure out the identity of this "lost blogger". I can only guess that new entries will appear every day this week, but you can read the first one here.

Those of you wanting to make guesses as to this "lost blogger's" identity should send me an email at the address in my sidebar. Comments with guesses will not be approved! Who knows, there might be a prize for the first person to guess correctly! But remember the rules... you only get ONE GUESS... so make sure you're sure about who it is before contacting me, because any subsequent guesses by the same person will be tossed out.

If you want to learn more about Pauly's book (or pre-order a copy), visit The Lost Blogs site!

Blogs are so cool.

Originally, I liked having a blog because it was a way to let my friends know where I was at and what I was doing. Then I liked having a blog because it let me bitch about stuff that was bothering me. Then I liked having a blog because the comments allowed me to interact with readers and find other blogs to read. Then I liked having a blog because of all the nifty people I was meeting.

And now?

Now I like having a blog because of free socks.

Yes! Free socks! A couple days ago I got a comment on my entry "I Want a Gun" from Jon, who runs a most excellent site called "Drive Right, Pass Left" (which is all about those dumbasses who drive in the left-side passing lane WITHOUT PASSING ANYBODY, which drives me insane). He was nice enough to send me a few stickers (one of which is now on my backpack), a license plate frame (which is going on my car ASAP), and a pair of socks with his site's logo embroidered on them...

At first I thought that the socks were just a fun novelty, but I tossed them in the wash and decided to try them on today. HANDS-DOWN THE MOST COMFORTABLE SOCKS I HAVE EVER WORN! Seriously, they stretch-fit so there's no bunching in your shoe. The seams are imperceptible, so they don't rub against your toes. They have some kind of miracle fabric that keeps your feet cool. These are NOT some crappy novelty... they are truly awesome socks. Jon didn't cheap-out here, he went for "Sock Guy" socks, which I had never heard of, but am now in love with.

Naturally, I am so jealous of Jon and his personalized socks that I can barely stand it. I want custom socks of my own!

Unfortunately, I don't have $650 burning a hole in my pocket to place a minimum order. Oh well. I'll just have to be happy dreaming of socks. Thanks Jon!

And in non-sock-related news...

It looks as though another "Lost Blogs" entry has appeared over at DaveSpace!

I'm kind of embarrassed to admit that out of all the participating bloggers, I've guessed just ONE "lost blogger", and even that one I'm not 100% sure about.

Those of you wanting to make guesses as to my "lost blogger's" identity should send me an email at the address in my sidebar. Comments with guesses will not be approved! Who knows, there might be a prize for the first person to guess correctly! But remember the rules... you only get ONE GUESS... so make sure you're sure about who it is before contacting me, because any subsequent guesses by the same person will be tossed out. Good luck!

If you want to learn more about Pauly's book (or pre-order a copy), visit The Lost Blogs site!

Cheaters! I have cheaters reading my blog!

Ever since moving to a new hosting company, I've been closely monitoring my error stats to see if there's anything that needs to be fixed. Today when I checked, I noticed a bunch of people typing in "lostblogs/daythree.html" and "lostblogs/daythr.html" and "lostblogs/day3.html" - apparently looking for the next "lost blogger" entry a day early (even though it didn't exist yet). Cheaters!

Ha! I can only DREAM about being organized enough to write something a day in advance.

Sorry, but everything at Blogography is baked fresh daily, baby!

Most of my entries are written first thing in the morning (like today!). I wake up, grab my trusty PowerBook to check my email, and something pops into my head to write or draw. If it turns out okay, I post it. But most of the time I let it sit until my lunch break so I can read it over and make sure I didn't say anything stupid. But since I always say something stupid, I usually try to make it less stupid and then post it. On rare occasions I can't think of anything to write about, and it's not until dinnertime that I get around to writing. In any event, I don't write ahead. Even while lost-blogging, which I'll be cooking up after this.

Oh, and before I forget... I have the bestest blog posse ever (yes, this means you!). Two days ago I was lamenting over my broken links and got a suggestion from Blogography reader Wejn on how to fix it. When I didn't understand what to do... he wrote the fix for me. I've installed it, and now my problems are solved. How cool is that? Thanks Wejn! An extra Blogography cookie for you today, fresh from the oven!

And while I am passing out cookies, I cannot forget about Bre, who left the 7000th comment here yesterday. Congratulations Bre, You just won a Blogography T-Shirt! Email me your address and the size you want to claim your prize.

And in non-baking-related news...

There's another "Lost Blogs" entry over at DaveSpace! Click here to read it!

I am hopelessly addicted to reading all 40 participants now, and many of them are getting really interesting!

Those of you wanting to make guesses as to my "lost blogger's" identity should send me an email at the address in my sidebar. Comments with guesses will not be approved! Who knows, there might be a prize for the first person to guess correctly! But remember the rules... you only get ONE GUESS... so make sure you're sure about who it is before contacting me, because any subsequent guesses by the same person will be tossed out. Good luck!

If you want to learn more about Pauly's book (or pre-order a copy), visit The Lost Blogs site!

When I was younger, I had braces installed by one of the finest orthodontists money could buy. Unfortunately, he was a bit of a quack, and never managed to fix my teeth properly (particularly my lower teeth). I went back years later and he tried again, but his dumbass "solution" to remedy the situation just made everything worse. My teeth are now falling apart because of uneven pressure points. Every once in a while, I bite wrong and pieces of tooth break off that I then have to go get fixed.

It really sucks ass. And, because of all these problems, I hate going to the dentist with a passion.

So can you guess where I got to go first thing this morning?

The only thing worse than the actual work being done is the bill that follows. Argh.

Needless to say, I am not a happy camper today.

And in non-tooth-related news...

I am way behind in reading my email. So totally behind that I probably won't be caught up until Easter. I promise that I am not ignoring those people who are patiently waiting for an reply... but I've just been really busy trying to get all my work done so that my half-day at the dentist doesn't make me have to work the holiday weekend.

Of all the lost bloggers, I've only identified eight (I think). I'm not good at this game at all, but remain surprised that nobody has guessed my historical figure yet. I suppose not everybody looks at things like I do, or expresses themselves like I do, so they are missing the clues? Oh well, since tomorrow is the last day, I'll be revealing just about everything...

Oh yeah, the penultimate "Lost Blogs" entry is now up over at DaveSpace! Click here to read it!

Those of you wanting to make guesses as to my "lost blogger's" identity should send me an email at the address in my sidebar. Comments with guesses will not be approved! Who knows, there might be a prize for the first person to guess correctly! But remember the rules... you only get ONE GUESS... so make sure you're sure about who it is before contacting me, because any subsequent guesses by the same person will be tossed out. Good luck!

If you want to learn more about Pauly's book (or pre-order a copy), visit The Lost Blogs site!

My historical "lost blogger" has been identified!

Congratulations to Firda and Alexis who wrote in with the correct identity within minutes of each other. They will each be receiving a fashionable T-shirts from the Artificial Duck Store for free!

But don't despair! You still have a chance to win a shirt of your own! You still only get ONE guess, but if you email the correct answer before midnight tomorrow (PST/Seattle Time), you'll be entered in a drawing to win a runner-up free-shirt coupon. Tomorrow's entry reveals even more tasty clues as to the identity, so you might want to wait until then before sending in your ONE guess! Good luck!

UPDATE: I should mention that everybody has a clean slate now. If you sent in a wrong guess before, you have another shot to get in the drawing if your new guess is correct.

Helpful Hint...
I am a very visual person. The best clues are NOT in the words... look elsewhere. EVERY SINGLE IMAGE ON THE PAGE MEANS SOMETHING. With the exception of the header and the header ad, everything is a clue!

Yesterday on the way home from the dentist I stopped at K-Mart to get a pizza. That sounds strange, I know, but I kind of like the "Little Caesar's Pizza Station" there. It's the best of the worst pizzas in town, and a 14-incher only costs $5. K-Mart is kind of a strange place. Once upon a time, it was the "bargain basement" store in town, and people put up with the low quality, imitation-brand merchandise because it was cheap. But then along comes Wal-Mart, and suddenly K-Mart is caught with their Wrangler's around their ankles. No longer are they the best bargain in town. Wal-Mart has blue-light specials on every item all the time.

So K-Mart hunkers down and retools. They can't really compete with Wal-Mart (who can?) so they start getting exclusives (like Joe Boxer and the Martha Stewart stuff) and tries to serve the middle ground with good merchandise as decent prices. But it's a crowded field, because there are a lot of stores in that arena. I don't shop K-Mart very often because my favorite store in that space is Target (nothing personal, I just prefer their stuff).

So when I get to K-Mart, I order my pizza and then go shopping while I wait for it to cook. Most of the bargain shoppers frequent Wal-Mart, but you still get an occasional penny-pincher.

Like yesterday.

I make my way back to the grocery aisle so I can get some Pop-Tarts on sale (3 for $5) and find an older woman on her hands and knees, spreading out boxes of crackers on the floor. At first I think that she fell while carrying an arm-load of crackers, so I run up to see if I can help. But she waves me away and says that she's "doing fine". This puzzles me greatly, because none of the boxes are marked with prices and there's no special offers printed on any of them. The price is on the shelf. And then I realize what's happening... she is actually looking at the UPC codes and comparing them. At least I think that's what it happening. I guess that she thinks a UPC code with a lower number would be cheaper?

I suppose I should have found a way to explain it to her, but she made it clear that she didn't want my help. I still have no idea what was going through her head. A part of me hopes that wide-scale deployment of RFID technology is a ways off yet, because I can't imagine what this woman is going to do once price tags AND UPC codes aren't used anymore. She won't have anything to look for.

Anyway...

Here it is... the final "Lost Blogs" entry is now up over at DaveSpace! Click here to read it!

Those of you wanting to make guesses as to my "lost blogger's" identity should send me an email at the address in my sidebar. Comments with guesses will not be approved! The "main prize" has already been won, but everybody who sends me a correct guess between now and midnight Seattle time (PST) will be entered in a runner-up prize giveaway for a free Blogography T-shirt. But remember the rules... you only get ONE GUESS... so make sure you're sure about who it is before contacting me, because any subsequent guesses by the same person will be tossed out. Good luck!

If you want to learn more about Pauly's book (or pre-order a copy), visit The Lost Blogs site!

The identity of my "lost blogger" from this week is revealed and explained in an extended entry. Don't read any further unless you are totally stumped! If you are new to the game, and want to give it a try, read the introduction here and then the entries are here: Day One, Day Two, Day Three, Day Four, Day Five. And for those 40 of you who entered a correct guess in the runner-up drawing, I'll be posting the T-shirt winner tomorrow (Sunday) after I've found somebody to draw a name out of a hat for me.

Thanks to Kevin for coming up with such a great idea, Pauly for writing The Lost Blogs book, and to all of you who participated. I had a lot of fun with the project. But the fun has only just begun here at Blogography! Starting Monday, it's another week of entirely new big fun...

And now... it's time for the reveal...

I've been so busy with my job lately that everything else has taken a back seat to work. I was going to write a long rant about what a whiny douche-bag loser Real Networks CEO Rob Glaser is, then continue with a dozen other things that fill me with rage... but I don't have the time. So instead I've decided to do the "Memes for Adults" meme that I'm lifting from Avitable.

Oddly enough, it probably took more time to answer the forty questions than it would have taken to write my rant. Oh well. I put it all in an extended entry for those of you who like to skip these things...

Today was Towel Day, which was kind of inconvenient given my work schedule... but I stuck it out all the way until dinner because I love Douglas Adams more than sliced bread. Fortunately, there was no nasty note from housekeeping when I got back. I guess we'll see if they try to bill me for borrowing their towel when I check out tomorrow.

And... uhhhh... I guess that's it?

Well that's just sad.

I suppose if I have nothing else to say today, it must be time for a meme that I stole from Neil...

This morning there was a major panic attack when I couldn't find a clean pair of underwear. Eventually I did manage to find some in my flight carry-on bag but, as I was searching, it did get me to wondering what I would do if I couldn't find any. Wear a used pair... or go commando?? Fortunately, I didn't have to choose, but I really should make up my mind in case I'm ever faced with this problem again.

Underwear aside, there was big fun to be had today. I finally got the little buttons I ordered...

They turned out great (much better than this photo will attest), which was a pleasant surprise because some of the stuff I order from CafePress ends up looking like crap. But every button was beautiful, had bright colors, and looks professionally made, so I'm happy. Now all I have to do is wait until the weather turns cold so that I can pin them on my jacket. It'll be just like the 80's!

Speaking of orders, I am dangerously close to FINALLY filling all of the T-shirt orders from Blogiversary III week... I have a mere 64 left to go! Thanks to everybody for their patience, and everything should be shipped out by Monday.

Since it's Friday, I'll be picking up a meme from James to finish up the day. You are supposed to come up with eight random things about you which most people might not know...

1. I was approached about turning my blog into a set of mini-books. At first I declined, but was eventually talked into it. Unfortunately, the deal has recently fallen through because we could not agree on the direction of the project. But since I've already put a lot of work into the books, I'm toying with the idea of self-publishing them at Lulu or something (once I find time to start finishing them up). You can take a look at the cover concepts here.
2. When I was in high school I started collecting comic books. Though I don't buy as many as I used to, I still read some titles and have amassed a huge collection of books. My current favorites are Age of Bronze, All-Star Batman & Robin, The Avengers, Superman/Batman, Powers, and Usagi Yojimbo. My favorite comic book of all time is Superboy and the Legion of Super-Heroes.
3. I've always got something smart-assed to say, and am rarely at a loss for words. Given this, you would think commenting on other people's blogs is a piece of cake... but this is not the case. I like to comment on other blogs when I have time, but sometimes it's difficult. Take one of my long-time reads: What's a Delmer Look Like. Delmer's writing is great and he's always got something entertaining to say... but I always feel that his entries are perfect as they are, and any smart-ass remark I might add would be an intrusion. And then there's Tonya at Adventure Journalist. I eagerly await her every word, marvel over her astoundingly beautiful photography, and have been a fan of her blog forever. To read Tonya is to love her. But eventually you run out of ways to say "beautiful" when looking at her pictures, and so I usually just end up looking at the latest additions to her jaw-dropping gallery, and sneaking away without a word. I don't know why some blogs have this affect on me and other's don't.
4. I love to paint with watercolors. If I were to win the lotto and become obscenely wealthy, I'd do nothing but travel the world and paint.
5. I am a huge movie-buff, but am humiliated to admit some of the films that I like. Off the top of my head, they include The Associate, in which Whoopi Goldberg plays a woman trying to break into a job as a stockbroker, but finds that prejudice keeps her shut out. Eventually she invents an alter-ego of an old white guy, but finds that her new success makes the deception difficult to maintain. And then there's Earth Girl's Are Easy which features Jim Carey, Jeff Goldblum, and Damon Wayans as furry aliens who crash-land in Geena Davis' swimming pool. And, of course, Exit to Eden which has Rosie O'Donnell and Dan Aykroyd as undercover cops at a private island sex resort run by Dana Delany (and Iman as an ultra-hot bad girl assassin). There are dozens, perhaps hundreds, of others.
6. Likewise, there are also musical groups that I am downright embarrassed to admit I listen to from time to time. Probably the most scary is A-Teens, who sing bubblegum pop at its absolute worst. Then there's even more tragic groups like Bananarama, Erasure and even Flock of Seagulls. Even more odd is that right after listening to this stuff, I can turn right around and pop in Rage Against the Machine or Pantera without skipping a beat.
7. I choose not to eat any kind of meat, fish, or fowl... and choose to ignore broccoli, cauliflower, and any other vegetable that smells bad when you cook it. There is one food I cannot eat however, and that's mushrooms. They make me violently ill and seem to cause my throat to close up if I eat too many of them. That's a fungus for you.
8. What I am looking forward to most of all next week is an appearance by Betty White on Game Show Marathon, which is a freaky show which dredges up old game shows that are played by quasi-celebrities. Betty will be an actual celebrity guest on the Match Game segment on the 22nd. Naturally, I can't wait.

Argh. I've been working all day and it's late. I think I'll go to bed and slip into a coma.

Yesterday as I was picking up a Coke with Lime at the local mini-mart, a youngish guy comes running up to me, slaps me on the leg, then say "HI" with a big smile. "Hey buddy," I say. Out of nowhere a girl (older sister?) appears and says "Is he bothering you? Sorry, he's special".

The fact that she said "special" in a very condescending tone did not upset me half as much as the fact that she used air quotes when she said it. "Oh really?" I replied. "Well I think people who use air quotes are special". This went right over her head, as she just stood there staring at me. After a sigh, I added "no, he's not bothering me at all," which is when she grabbed her brother(?) by the hand and drug him off.

The constant lack of respect that people seem intent on showing their fellow humans is really starting to piss me off. Sure the kid was mentally impaired, but did the bitch have to be so demeaning about it? Doesn't the kid have it hard enough without having to put up with this crap too?

Yargh.

Anyway, because I have to go into work today, I am going to swipe the "62 Questions" meme from Mikey (though he actually made it a 59 question meme by neatly avoided questions 27, 36, and 39, which I had to get from Google). I've put it in an extended entry so the meme-hating masses can skip it, if they so desire.

You would think that the internet age would make travel planning easier.

You would be wrong.

I just spent the past four hours arranging flights, hotels, rental cars, and all the other crap that makes travel so much fun. Nothing ever matches up. Flights always have ridiculously long layovers. Hotel check-in times are always too late and check-out too early. And meetings are never in the most convenient place. The good news is that in-between it all, I get to be in New York for a few days...

Then it's off to Wisconsin...

And finally back to Chicago...

And that's only for the first two weeks. I haven't got the energy to plan the rest of the summer.

And now, because it's Saturday and nobody seems to read my blog on Saturdays... AND because I'm a total meme whore... AND because I'm a total music whore... AND because I'm a total whore for Karla's Tales of a Texpatriate... I am stealing this rather cool "Three Songs Meme" from her in an extended entry (because it is MASSIVE)...

I was sent an interesting "Thierry Ardisson Interview" meme to think about. Since it's in French, it's taking a while to decipher because my French language skills are quite poor (and long-forgotten). But one thing is immediately apparent... most all of the questions are introspective. They force you to take a real look at yourself as opposed to asking how others look at you (or asking how you look at something else). The second question is this: "Quand vous vous regardez dans la glace le matin, vous vous dites quoi?" - which translates into "When you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning, what do you say to yourself?"

My answer would have to be "I don't say anything," because I never really look at myself in the mirror. I put my contact lenses in by feel, and brush my teeth while doing other things. I never care how my hair looks, and so it never occurs to me to look. So this morning I decided to give it a try...

And all I could think to say to myself is "you look like shit, buddy!"

Having not slept in a month has really taken its toll. I have bags under the bags under my eyes. I am also in bad need of a haircut. I should cancel my upcoming travel plans and check myself into a spa or something. Or perhaps start shooting heroin, so at least then there would be an excuse for looking like a heroin addict.

And speaking of questions... my best friend Karl has answered my five "Barbara Walters interview questions" over at Secondhand Tryptophan. I must say, asking for questions to fill up blog entries is a pretty sweet idea. I would steal it and have people ask me five questions... but, considering some of the emails and comments I get, that is a very scary prospect. Perhaps it would be better to ask "If you were to GET to ask me five, questions, what five questions WOULD you ask?" That way when somebody asks me something particularly frightening, I can just laugh and say "wow, that WOULD be a good question!"

I am such a weenie.

But since I won't talk about my friends, family, or work... I'm guessing those are the questions most people would ask, and so I really can't go there. I did get a question in my email yesterday that I WILL answer, however...

"Hey did you make any money from that Google ad you put in your RENT entry?"
Wow, that's a good question! I never bothered to look! Let's see shall we? ... ... ... HOLY CRAP! I made $9.54!! That's pretty good isn't it? This is 1/10 the current cost of keeping Blogography running each month on 1/30 the entries I write in a month, so it looks like the site could support itself if it had to. Kind of nice to know that I have options if I should need to use them. Still, I would much rather remain ad-free for as long as possible. Media Temple has mentioned that they will be increasing their bandwidth allowance, so maybe that will take care of my current troubles?

Ooooh, look...

Costco is selling Crunch Master 6-Packs! That's enough to last me almost an entire week! Now all I need is Coke with Lime in 60-Packs, and I'm good to go!

In my previous entry, I had asked if anyone had questions that they might ask if I were to ask for questions, and some of you actually sent me some!

So here's a "Question and Answers" session with Dave....

First up, Exposed left me these...

1. If you had 24 hours to live and could do whatever you wish with it - even outside the bounds of time/space etc. what would you do? I would bounce through time to watch Michelangelo create his most famous works. The Sistine Chapel, David, Moses, La Pieta, the dome of St. Peter's Basilica, and so many others. I would want my last day to be filled with beauty, and that would pretty much do it. Why? I just love Italy... everything from the art and architecture to the language, people, and food.
2. If you had to redo high school (had to - no one would ever do this by choice) what would you do differently? Not much. There are some classes I took that I wouldn't bother with now that I know they're useless, but that's about it.
3. What is your biggest regret and why haven't you fixed it? I really have only one regret, but it's not something I ever really discuss with anybody. Seriously though, life is really too short for regrets and worrying about the past doesn't do you any good anyway.
4. You love to travel - you have 3 months with all expenses paid to do with whatever you wish - where do you go and why? I'd probably stay in Italy for the entire three months. I would live in Tuscany for a month, then head south and explore the Amalfi Coast and Sicily.
5. Will you marry me? =) Elizabeth Hurley? Is that YOU?!?

And Wayne (of the Blog of Whall fame) left me these...

1. How old is the picture on your gravatar? The Gravatar is from this entry in March, 2004.
2. Which was your favorite Matrix? Are you kidding? The first was mind-blowingly amazing. The sequels had their moments, but were pretty much crap.
3. Do you really hate our President? If yes, please rate on a Scale of Hatred, like the Hotness Scale, and make sure it includes Jared, bad parents, dumbasses who can't use a turn signal and Clay Aiken. I don't hate anybody, including President Bush. The problem is that I lost any respect I had for him after his utterly asinine comments at the 2004 Radio & Television Correspondents' Association Dinner (which I wrote about here). It's only gone downhill from there. I honestly think he is very narrow-minded in that he has no interest in representing all Americans... he only wants to give voice to those who think like he does. He also seems to be of the opinion that the USA is the entire world, and other countries shouldn't have a say in what happens in it. Overall, I find him very ill-suited for the job... and, though I don't hate him for his incompetence, I do dislike him for it. A lot.
4. Did you know that 'Lovely Lady Elizabeth Hurley' could be 'HELL" backwards? No! I did not know that! Must be why she got to play The Devil in Bedazzled.
5. Do you think I should trademark the term "BlogBerry"? I'm using my blackberry 8700c to compose this right now and I'm starting to use it a lot more for blog review more than email and phone. While that's a clever term, and I think you should use it all you like, I don't think you can trademark a phrase unless you are using it as the name of a business, or a service, or the name of a product. Sorry. :-(

And Alexander left this one question...

1. I'm just curious. What are your thoughts on gaming? As a hardcore gamer I simply must know. I love video games. I've owned dozens of systems over the decades, starting with Pong and the Atari 2600... all the way to the Xbox and Nintendo DS. Unfortunately, I pretty much suck at gaming because I never have much time to play them. My favorite titles are usually strategy Advance Wars DS or StarCraft), RPG (like Sid Meyer's Pirates or Fable), or adventure games that kids can play (like Lego Star Wars, which is probably one of my favorite games ever). I also love board games (especially trivia games, where I kick ass) and card games (everybody should get a group of friends together and play the computer version of Apples to Apples).

Annette also sent me a single question...

1. Is your diet a healty one? Probably not as much as it could be, as I eat way too much sugar and not enough fruits and vegetables. Though I don't eat meat, which I consider to be much healthier than a diet where one consumes steroid-laden animal flesh. Darn that Coke with Lime all to heck!! :-)

And, for my last questions, SJ asked me to try out her "Movieographeme" meme, which I've put in an extended entry...

Oog. Today is going to be a very full day, and I'm not sure I'll have time to blog anything. Just to cover my ass, I'm going to whip out a meme really quick.

Before I get to that, however, I have to say that RocketBoom managed to pull it off. When Amanda left, I was sure the show would suck and die. This would be a real pity because, along with Ze Frank's The Show, RocketBoom is one of my favorite daily internet video haunts. But here's the thing... I never realized that Amanda Congdon, while cute and fun, was actually kind of annoying until Andrew got cutie Joanne Colan with her kick-ass accent to "guest-host". She is perfect for the job and, though I'd like to see a few more shows before passing final judgement, I'm kind of hoping she fills the spot permanently...

Anyway, I've been tagged with this "MEME-OLOGY" meme by a couple of people now, and have neatly tucked it into an extended entry for your reading pleasure...

Today I was pelted with apples.

Little green apples falling from the sky.

Well, not me personally, but my car. To say it was shocking would be an understatement...

Turns out it was not quite the miracle I had first thought.

Every day I drive by the fruit packing sheds to get to work. It's so commonplace that I completely ignore the scenery. Today they were dumping rejected apples into a big truck (for juicing, I'd imagine) and a few of them over-shot the bin and rained down on my car.

It's the little surprises that keep life interesting.

I've been tagged with the BlogMe interview meme by Belinda and Mocha Momma, which I have put in an extended entry for those who should care to read it.

w00t!!

PRAISE BE TO KRYPTON! FINALLY, FINALLY, FINALLY... Richard Donner is going to be given the cash to re-cut Superman II into the movie it was supposed to be. I have been dreaming of this for over two decades, and cannot WAIT to see it when released on DVD this November 28th!

I have written about Donner's Superman II here. And there is also a Wikipedia entry on it as well.

In other totally sweet DVD news... my copy of Pinky and The Brain: The Complete First Season arrived today!

I love this cartoon and have been waiting for YEARS for it to show up on DVD. Something about mice plotting for world domination just fills my heart with joy.

And now, since I want to watch my DVDs rather than figure out what else to write, I've filled out a meme from over at Avitable's blog in an extended entry...

   
From RW over at Chasing Vincenzo comes Things You Don't Usually Tell Anyone About, like...

• ...a strange combination of food you like to snack on. Cheese and potato chip sandwiches. I put chips (or "crisps" for you Brits out there) on a lot of things. Potato chips are also good when mashed and put on potato salad or pasta. Corn chips are great when crushed and sprinkled on pizza salad or Mexican food. There are very few foods that I've not put chips on at one time or another.
• ...something you do that other bloggers who read you might find odd if they saw you doing it. Draw or paint. I am guessing that most readers assume that the crappy cartoons on my blog are all I am capable of creating. The truth is that DaveToons are very, very different from the stuff I usually do. The style was chosen because I can draw much faster this way.
• ...when you were 7, what you wanted to be when you grew up - that you never told anyone about. Probably a fireman or an astronaut. Though I think I've mentioned that in my Hundred Things.
• ...the thing you don't tell people at work about yourself. That I collect comic books (though I can hardly imagine anybody being surprised by that fact).
• ...what you like to do when no one else is going to be home for a stretch of time. Organize my comic book collection or play video games.
• ...the thing you believe - politically - that you don't admit to people who think you think like they do. That I have absolutely NO political association what-so-ever, and vote for a person, not a party.
• ...that one thing from your childhood, outside of your parents, that you try to maintain some kind of connection with, and how. Children's books. I love Curious George and Doctor Suess, and still keep their books around for inspiration in my life.
• ...a song or group or singer you secretly like that everyone else groans about. The A-Teens. Don't ask me why, because I honestly don't understand it myself. Totally not my kind of band. Totally not my kind of music.
• ...do you close the bathroom door when you're the only one home? Yes, out of habit.

Back to Sunday cleaning...

Today's entry has been rated R by the Blogography Review Board for graphic violence, mature themes, sexual situations, and massive use of profanity. Imagery contained within may be upsetting to younger readers, persons with heart conditions, pregnant or expectant mothers, overly religious nut-jobs (this means you Pat Robertson!), dumbasses incapable of comprehending satire or parody, those with an IQ under 80 (including idiots, morons, stupid-heads, imbeciles, dunces, dimwits, dorks, chowder heads, or raging dumbasses), fans of the television show 7th Heaven, and all those people who are already offended by my blog (but read it ever day anyway)...

Do not proceed if you fall into any of the above categories. And, if you should choose to proceed anyway, don't even think about sending me an email or leaving a comment telling me how much you hate me and my blog. Because after I've gone to all this trouble to warn you about the atrocities within, that would just make you a major douche.

So please don't click the extended entry link below. You've been warned.

Avitable has run across a meme too intriguing to resist. Unfortunately, it's a long, difficult, time consuming meme... which wouldn't be a bad thing, except I am preparing for TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY and don't have the time to spare. DANG YOU TO HECK AVITABLE!!! The idea is to come up with your 25 most favorite television characters that aren't cartoons or puppets (see, I told you it was tough).

I managed to come up with 96.

Once I weeded out the hottie chicks that had no other reason to be there, I was left with 54. Then it got really difficult. How do you narrow it down? What's the criteria? Eventually I found myself mostly picking out characters that were smart asses or quirky or otherwise oddly entertaining.

The complete list is in an extended entry...

WARNING: CRANKY PANTS ALERT!! CRANKY PANTS ALERT!!

In an attempt to figure out why I've been plagued with headaches for the past few weeks, I went to the eye doctor today. My vision has been freaky lately, and I'm not sure if it's because of my headaches or if it's the CAUSE of my headaches.

In any event, it involved my eyes getting dilated, so I spent the afternoon like this...

The only thing worse than having your eyes dilated on a sunny day is having to drive home with your eyes dilated on a sunny day. And the only thing worse than that is having to put up with DUMBASS BITCHES while you're driving with dilated eyes on a sunny day.

As you exit the great city of Wenatchee, there is one final stoplight. Just before this stoplight is a Starbucks Drive-Thru. It's the stupidest place in the universe for a drive-thru because you can't get out easily. When the light is green, traffic is flowing heavy with people leaving town and you can't get out. When the light is red, traffic is backed up in front of the Starbucks exit and you can't get out then either. Basically, you can check-in to Starbucks, but you can never leave.

So today I am stopped at this light just before the Starbucks exit. The light turns green and I slowly start to move forward. This causes some bitch who JUST GOT TO THE STARBUCK'S EXIT to lay on the horn (honest, she hadn't even STOPPED yet!). I instantly become enraged because I have a headache, my eyes are dilated, and I don't need some whore WHO WASN'T EVEN WAITING TO EXIT honking at me. If she was in such a big hurry, she shouldn't have stopped for coffee. This is what I scream at her...

I HAVE A GREEN LIGHT AND AM NOT GOING TO BLOCK FIFTY CARS TO LET YOUR COFFEE-DRINKING SHIT OUT, SO WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THAT GRANDE LATTE AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR F#@%ING ASS YOU STUPID BITCH!!!

There's no chance she can hear me. Even with my window down, hers are rolled up AND I'm driving past her as I yell. I know this, but I don't care and decide to yell anyway. It will make me feel better.

But I forgot about the cars in the lane next to me. With their windows down, they can hear me just fine. So when a bunch of people start cheering and honking their horns and waving at me with a "thumbs up" I realize that I am destined to rule the earth. There is no denying that my inspirational words appeal to the masses, and it's only a matter of time before I climb my way to the top... one dumbass coffee-drinking whore at a time.

And because I'm in even a worse mood now that I've had to remember all this crap, it must be time for a meme in an extended entry!

My day started with a trip to the dentist for my 6-month cleaning, and only went downhill from there. By the time I finished work at 8:00pm, I was so sick and tired of life that I was seriously contemplating taking a handful of sleeping pills and crawling into bed. But that seemed kind of stupid... how much worse could the day get at 8:00pm? Because, hey, Ugly Betty, My Name is Earl, The Office, Grey's Anatomy, and CSI are on tonight!

So I plop myself down in front of the television in anticipation of good TV.

Instead I am inundated with stupid-ass political advertising for an hour. I'm guessing it's the same everywhere but, here in Washington State, it's particularly nasty because of the senatorial race. Heaven only knows I'm not a big fan of incumbent Maria Cantwell... but Mike McGavick and his never-ending attack ads is no better. Politicians don't inspire anymore. They just sling mud. They're not interested in solving problems. They're only interested in getting elected.

It just makes me want to bitch-slap them both.

But what's the point? They're doing far worse to each other...

Who wins in these things? No matter which one gets the office, I'm mortally embarrassed to have them as our senator.

I'm too depressed to blog anymore, so I'm stealing a meme from Kentucky Girl which you can find in an extended entry after this really cute picture of me as a tyke...

My hairstyle hasn't changed in decades... there's just less of it!

Nothing interesting happened today.

I was rudely awakened at 3:30am by some idiot hammering on metal outside my window, then couldn't go back to sleep. I hoped filling out a meme would make me sleepy but all it did was make my brain go numb (which, I suppose, is a meme's entire purpose). Unable to get any much-needed rest, I decided to start in on my work.

And that's all I did for the entire day. Work. Right up until now (which is 10:30pm).

You'd think that I got a lot accomplished today but you would be wrong. I'm just as buried as ever, and will undoubtedly be working this weekend to try and get caught up. I'm turning into a work-zombie...

And now, since I am falling asleep at the keyboard, here's that meme I filled out this morning which I've seen floating around various places, but picked up from Adena...

James has tagged me with the "Three/Three Christmas Meme" where you have to list three things you would like for the holiday, and three things you wouldn't. I don't really celebrate Christmas, but that's not to say I would refuse a present from Santa if he were to give me something.

I've seen this meme around, and most of the time people are selflessly listing lovely things like "world peace" as an answer. As desirable as this might be, it's totally unrealistic. Instead of mucking about in fantasyland, I've instead decided to list things that are realistically obtainable.

So, without further ado, here are three things I would like for Christmas...

1. My own television network and fifty billion dollars start-up capital... Nothing pisses me off more than television networks who end up with totally brilliant shows, but then cancel them because they are too f#@%ing stupid to know what to do with them. DaveTV would feature only the best programming with NO commercial interruptions, NO station identifiers in the corner of the screen, NO pop-up advertising, AND NO F#@%ING EARLY CANCELATIONS!! Every show creator would be guaranteed a minimum number of shows to tell their story, and viewers would never have to worry about falling in love with a show only to have it canceled before the story ends. The first thing I would do is offer Rob Thomas, Jeremy Piven, Paula Marshal, and Jeffrey D. Sams a million dollars an episode to bring back Cupid, the best show ever to air on television, as the cornerstone of DaveTV's schedule. Ooh! And Wonderfalls. And Dead Like Me. And... and... and...
2. My own airline and a hundred billion dollars start-up capital... Okay, there is something that pisses me off more than television networks, and that would be airlines. Flying now-a-days is a horrifying ordeal with cramped seats and nothing to do. DaveAir would be totally different. You'd pay a little extra, but you'd have comfortable seats with actual leg-room. The schedule would be a little restrictive, but there would be free internet, movies, video games, and plenty of magazines. Flying with DaveAir is like a vacation before your vacation.
3. My own country and a trillion dollars start-up capital... I would probably be happier if I could just take my television network and my airline and set up shop as king of my own country. That way, I could just make everything be exactly how I want it to be, and not have to worry about dumbasses screwing everything up. An island archipelago paradise with lots of beaches and sunshine would be a great location for Davenia.

And here are the three suck-ass things I would NOT want for Christmas...

1. Any book by Ann Coulter.
2. Any CD by Clay Aiken.
3. Any DVD with an appearance by David Caruso.

And there you have it. I'd link to an Amazon wish-list so any billionaire readers who are feeling the holiday spirit could buy me something... but, alas, Amazon doesn't carry television networks, airlines, or countries.

Thanks to my good friend Harold... a longtime Blogography supporter, former co-worker, and ruler of Las Vegas once I conquer the earth... I was tipped off that the local ShopKo had Nintendo Wii in stock. I didn't have my hopes up, because last time I heard they were available at Target, they sold out in the 15 minutes it took me to get there. But I decided to take a stab at it, and asked my mother to stop by when she was in Wenatchee and see if they had any left. Luckily, they had two, and one of them was going to be mine.

MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE!!

When I got home to hook it up, I had just over an hour before I had to get back to work. This was fine, because all I wanted to do was send a WiiMail to Avitable to let him know that I got my Wii on the same day he did... so he could feel MY Wii-ness.

So I unwrap everything, get everything set up, turn it on, configure the internet, and then.... wait.

Wait for 20 minutes while the Wii updates itself.

Then wait ANOTHER 20 minutes for it to perform ANOTHER update.

By the time I construct my "Mii" avatar and punched in Avitable's "friend code" I am running late for work and am starting to get pissed off. Then I find out that I can't send Avitable WiiMail after all, because he has to enter my "friend code" on his machine too. Shit!!

After I get back from work, I'm finally able to send my WiiMail and play around with my new Nintendo...

The first box is the Mii avatar for myself (The Chad created an avatar for Lil' Dave that I'm going to have to get him to WiiMail to me). The second box is a WiiMail with Avitable's Mii on it (it looks JUST LIKE HIM!). The third and fourth box show that Blogography renders perfectly on the Wii web browser... which is no surprise since it's built on the excellent Opera browser. The fifth box is Wii's Global Weather Channel. And the last box is the Wii Photo Channel displaying an image loaded directly off my camera's SD memory card.

Overall, the Wii is pretty sweet.

I am looking forward to the day I can sit down with my Wii and play games with fellow Wii bloggers over the internet... I'm sure it's not too far off. In the meanwhile, I'll have to play by myself. Right now my favorite game is "Elebits" where you tear apart your house searching for tiny electrical creatures that hide everywhere and in everything...

Images taken from the incredible IGN Wii site.

The game is a total riot, and showcases how truly unique a Wii is from your "typical" video game systems.

I just wish I was going to have time to play it.

Anyway, in addition to making cool Mii avatars, The Chad also makes memes. You can see my answers to his latest in an extended entry...

• Bullets... If I thought about it long enough, I'd probably be taking today's bullet points and shooting myself in the head with them. Yesterday was a disaster. My migraine kept getting worse and worse despite my taking The Special Pills. But The Special Pills just made me nauseous on top of feeling like my head was going to explode. So I was hurting and puking while trying to work, which did not make for a very productive day. Now I'm way behind, and will probably have to work straight through the next 36 hours. Still with a headache.

• Relationship... I finally managed to scrape together the money to pay off my "90-days-same-as-cash" Apple credit balance before the deadline. So I call to be sure that I have the pay-off amount correct (last time they tried to screw me by slapping on a $2 "billing fee," not telling me about it, then slapping me with $130 in accumulated interest). While on hold, a recorded voice kept telling me that a "Relationship Manager" would be with me in a moment. "Relationship Manager?" That sounds like somebody whom busy yuppies hire in order to work out their complex schedules so that they can find time to have sex. I don't know about you, but this is a much closer relationship than I am wanting to have with a bank.

• O RLY?... And, combining my first two bullet points, I am reminded of a time I attempted to build a relationship while battling a migraine headache AND being nauseated by The Special Pills. It all started when I was set up on a date with a girl who I really, really liked... but from a distance. I didn't know her very well at all. A mutual friend asked her if she wanted to go out with me, and she said something like "oh, he's funny!" and agreed. But, on the day we decided on dinner and a movie, I was hit with a huge migraine. Desperately not wanting to break our date for fear I would never get another one, I doped up on The Special Pills and went on my way. Dinner was painful. She talked and talked and talked about... well, nothing, really. My head was throbbing, and she simply would not stop talking. After paying the check I went to the bathroom so I could throw up. Then we drove to the movie with her talking all the way... I was SO looking forward to the film starting in anticipation of finally getting some peace and quiet. Alas, it was not to be. She talked through the entire film...

*Those unfamiliar with internet-speak can get an "O RLY" explanation here.

It was the longest night of my life. Puking in the bathroom was actually a hilight. The funny thing was that she thought the date went great, and asked my friend if I would be asking her out again. Sure she was fun to look at, but the thought of having to endure another night of her non-stop talking without guarantee of a sexual return was more than I could take. I didn't make just one excuse to get out of asking her out again, I made five.

• Hindsight... YOU IDIOT! Do you know how rare it is to find a woman who would be willing talk to you... AT ALL?!?

• Memes... What's with all the memes lately? This latest one comes from Neil, and I've put it in an extended entry...

• Lost is Lost... This morning I awoke to find a couple of emails from people pointing me to a story in The Washington Post about how Lost has plummeted in the television ratings and may be facing cancelation. I could try to act surprised, but what's the point? The show sucks ass. It was a brilliant concept that started out as a lot of fun, then disintegrated into boredom when the writers were either too stupid or too lazy to try and come up with cool new mysteries, choosing instead to drag out the same old shit... FOREVER. I mean, holy crap... I was pointing out this problem ALMOST TWO YEARS AGO, and I'm not even in television! Are the people running the show on crack? It's like a lesson in what NOT to do, where everybody sees the wreck coming except the people driving the bus. Next up... Heroes! Or will they learn from Lost's mistakes in time?

• Best Breakfast Ever... Snack-Pack Chocolate Pudding, five Golden Oreo cookies, and a glass of chocolate milk.

• Spirit of Vengeance... One of the cooler comic book creations, Ghost Rider, has finally been given the movie treatment starring long-time comic fan Nicholas Cage. And here's the thing... despite the shitty reviews, I enjoyed this film. Cage totally had a handle on the character, injecting humor where appropriate and not taking the role too seriously. The special effects were kick-ass. The story was entertaining. But, most importantly, there was enough action to keep things moving and the film was fairly faithful to the comics. What's not to love? It amazes me that reviewers are going to a movie about a flaming skeleton riding a motorcycle thinking it will be about something else, then are disappointed to find out it actually IS about a flaming skeleton riding a motorcycle. Well, duh. It's not supposed to be Shakespeare, it's just a cheesy popcorn flick. Taking it for what it is, I found it brilliant, and will be buying it on DVD.

• Not-So-Daily Show... Whilst clearing old shows off my TiVo, I ran across the October 26th, 2006 episode of The Daily Show which I've saved because it is one of my all-time favorites. Remembering that The Daily Show can be purchased at the iTunes Music Store, I thought I would just buy the episode so I could free up some space on my TiVo box. Well, it was a good plan, except that you can only purchase the last 8 episodes and nothing before that. WHY? I would think that one of the benefits of selling shows online is that you have a library of archived shows to offer for sale. Both The Daily Show and The Colbert Report have segments and guests that demand future exploration... why not offer them? Once again I am put in a position where my only option is to acquire the show "unofficially" — not by choice, but by stupid circumstance.

• Un-Trekable... Speaking of the iTunes Music Store... I was thrilled that the new "re-mastered" episodes of the original (i.e. "real") Star Trek were being offered for sale. Now, for reasons unknown, Paramount has withdrawn them. Which means last week's brilliant update of The Doomsday Machine and this week's beautiful tweaks to the classic Amok Time are nowhere to be found. WTF?!? So here I am, again, perfectly willing to pay money to get something I want, yet my only option is to hope somebody has uploaded it to BitTorrent. Oh well, T'Pring is a total bitch hottie at $1.99 or $0.00, so it's all the same to me. The only loser here is Paramount. Dumbasses. They will, of course, blame internet piracy for lost profits when it's their own stupid asses who are refusing to take my money.

• Six Meme... After avoiding the "Six Weird Things About You Meme" like the plague, Kyle descended like the Black Death and infected me with it. So here goes... 1) I don't like coffee or coffee-flavored products, which I don't think is weird, but others sure do. 2) I am perfectly happy watching the same movies over and over again... I've seen such films as EuroTrip, The Long Kiss Goodnight, The Fifth Element, and Bedazzled dozens of times. 3) I have written exactly one fan letter in my entire life... it was to 80's Atari Computer game programmer Tom Hudson, and I still have his kind reply stuffed in a box somewhere. 4) My love of all things Betty White is not a joke... I really do think she kicks ass, and am a huge fan. 5) I am a total comic book geek, and own over 12,000 of them. 6) Weirdest of all? I write in my blog every day and this is the one-thousand-six-hundred-and-thirty-fifth time I've done so. FINI) I'm breaking the rules by not tagging six people now, but I don't tag.

Three weeks until TequilaCon...

As a possible side-effect of the insomnia I've been suffering for the past two decades, I don't dream like "normal" people do. To my knowledge, I never have. Whenever somebody tells me that they had this great dream where they ate chocolate pudding at the Eiffel Tower and then ended up having a sex orgy with a half-dozen movie stars (plus Angeline Jolie) at the Louvre, I just nod my head appreciatively as if I know what they are talking about.

But I don't.

My dreams are very different. For one thing, I always know that I am dreaming because I am never actually in the dream. Instead, I am merely an observer... kind of like watching a movie. For example, if I am having a dream where a naked Elizabeth Hurley is laying in bed reading Batman comics to me as I'm being given a full-body massage by Princess Jasmine from Disney's Aladdin while floating in a cloud castle... it's not really me. It's just somebody who looks like me. In the dream, I'm the one floating outside the window watching it all.

Yeah, dreaming pretty much suck ass for me. The bastard...

So when somebody sends me a meme that's asking about my dreams, I cannot help but be a little depressed.

Because it's not like I can whip out some great dream about the time I went skydiving with Halle Berry and ended up landing in a giant ice cream sundae where we made sweet love on a bed of chocolate fudge brownies while SpongeBob Squarepants dances around blowing bubbles out of the whip cream. That would be cool, but it just doesn't work that way.

Oh well. My feeble attempt at the "Dream Meme" is in an extended entry...

A couple of days ago, Karl had written about running across an entry by Alissa about an NPR show entitled This I Believe, where people get air-time to talk about their personal beliefs. Well, Karl went ahead and typed out what he believes, and it was a fascinating, beautiful read. I left a comment saying "I wish I had the guts to do this," and then moved on to the next site on my blogroll. It's not that I don't have the guts to write my beliefs, I'm just not comfortable sharing them on my blog.

But then last night when I was at the grocery store, something happened to change my mind.

I was walking down an aisle looking for microwave popcorn, when I spotted a Hispanic woman shopping with her two children. She was carrying her youngest child, an adorable girl with wide eyes in a cute little sun dress. Trotting along ahead of her was an equally adorable young boy wearing khakis and a bright blue button-down shirt. His hair combed, belt buckled, and shoes cleaned, he looked like he hopped out of the children's section of an Eddie Bauer catalog. As the little boy walked down the aisle, he would point out objects and speak its name in Spanish and English. "MAÍZ! MAÍZ!" he would shout, quickly followed by "CORN! CORN!" It looked to me like he was teaching his mother English, as he was constantly looking back at her as he pointed and spoke, but he could have just as easily been practicing his own English skills. Whatever he was doing, it brought a smile to my face, because he showed such enthusiasm in his never-ending task of translating everything in the store.

The moment was too good to last, of course.

Coming from the opposite direction were two skanky bitches who took great delight in giggling "UNEMPLOYMENT! UNEMPLOYMENT!" and "WELFARE! WELFARE!" as they passed.

I was immediately consumed with rage, and was about to point at them and scream "BITCH! BITCH!" and "SKANK! SKANK!" but realized that this would only bring myself down to their level, and ultimately accomplish nothing. Instead I stood there fuming as the boy, only temporarily interrupted, continued on with his efforts. "JUGO! JUGO! - JUICE! JUICE!"

It was then I realized that what I BELIEVE is that nobody should be looked down upon or thought less of because of how they look, where they come from, what they believe, or who they love. And anybody who would persecute somebody for any of these things... particularly a child... is pretty pathetic. Who knows what the future may bring? Assuming that his intellectual curiosity isn't crushed by redneck racist bitches at the grocery store, this little boy could grow up to become President of the United States one day. His potential is limited only by the confines society would choose to place upon him. Knowing this disgusts me to my very core, because I've just witnessed first-hand the adversity he will be facing every day of his life. Everything else aside, this little boy... so happy in a world full of possibilities... can be dismissed, ignored, crushed, or tossed aside based solely on his heritage, without so much as a second thought.

What a waste.

It's not that crap like this is something new to me, it's just that seeing such a vivid example of this despicable shit really puts a damper on your day.

It also makes you want to blog about what you believe, even if it is in an extended entry...

Yeesh. Another night of writing my entry just as midnight approaches. I guess that's what happens when you are slaving away morning noon and night to get caught up with work.

I suppose there are lots of things I could write about, but it's late, so I think I'll just grab that movie meme that's been floating around. Kevin has done is now, so I guess I pretty much have to...

Oog. Time for bed. But before I go, I was pleased to see that the plans for the first "Hard Rock Park" in Myrtle Beach have finally been released. It's looking pretty sweet, and bigger than I had thought it would be...

The juicy details can be found at Myrtle Beach Online (which is where I snagged these photos). I guess that will be one more property to add to my list when it opens in 2008.

F#@%ING VERIZON DSL PIECE OF SHIT!

For the third time in two weeks, my DSL is down and, as if that wasn't frustrating enough, calling Verizon tech support results in a recording that directs you to their website before you get to any menus. IF YOU ARE CALLING FOR SUPPORT BECAUSE YOUR INTERNET IS DOWN, HOW IN THE F#@% ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO GET TO THEIR WEBSITE?!? Who is the genius who came up with this logic? Once I do finally get through, another recording tells me that Verizon is aware of the problems in the 509 area code, and it should be resolved in 24 hours.

TWENTY-FOUR F#@%ING HOURS? WTF?!?

Yesterday as I was writing my daily blog entry, it was announced that sublime novelist Kurt Vonnegut had died. As a huge fan of his work, I was sad to hear this. I've learned so much from his writing, and had thought it would be swell to write a nice long entry about him. I started a few times, but couldn't find the words to adequately express how much he meant to me. In the end, I kept coming back to a quote of his that just about says it all...

"I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all the kinds of things you can't see from the center".

Indeed.

So it goes... rest in peace Kurt Vonnegut. Time for me to read Slaughterhouse-Five again.

And speaking of utter brilliance, I ran across this "Interview Me" meme on Avitable's blog. Unfortunately, I don't have time to interview anybody, and had to pass on the fun. But Avi, bless his heart, was nice enough to send me his five interview questions anyway...

1. Out of all of your travels, what is the most interesting place you have been to and why? This is a really difficult question to answer, because I have been lucky enough to see so many amazing places. Ultimately, I'd have to say that Thailand was the most interesting, because my trip there changed my life. It was Thailand that taught me what was important in life, and introduced me to the Buddhist precepts which helped me find my path.
2. What do you do for a living? You don't have to give identifying specifics, just what it is that you do all day long. I'm a graphic designer, and I pretty much do whatever people are willing to pay me to do (I am such a whore!). I design advertising, brochures, web sites, catalogs, pamphlets, packaging, product instructions, clothing tags, book covers, album covers, media kiosks, and bunches of other stuff. People also hire me to create drawings, illustrations, maps, 3-D models, animation, and other creative endeavors like retouching or editing photos. From time to time I also edit and assemble video footage, design DVD menu screens, and write musical scores for them. In the past I have been lucky enough to work on storyboards for films, illustrations for comic books, character design for video games, and other cool stuff. Pretty much anything and everything.
3. If you had a chance to hook up with Elizabeth Hurley or save four orphans in a burning building, which would you choose? Well, Elizabeth Hurley is married now, so hooking up wouldn't be a very nice thing to do. I think I'd save the orphans so that Elizabeth Hurley would hear about my story, be impressed with my bravery, divorce her husband, then hook up with me.
4. What was your favorite meat when you did eat meat? Do you ever miss it? Pepperoni. There is simply no vegetarian equivalent that is worth a crap. Even worse, the fake stuff doesn't crisp up like a nice thin piece of real pepperoni on a slice of pizza does. A delightfully delicious piece of authentic 100% USDA beef pepperoni. An orgasm-inducing, mouthwatering, finger-licking, lip-smacking, slice of sublime pepperoni. Do I miss it? Nah, not so much...
5. What is your philosophy on life? Forgive me for once again quoting Buckaroo Banzai here, but this is what I come back to again and again when trying to summarize my philosophy on life: "No matter where you go, there you are." What this says to me is to accept things for what they are rather than trying to make them into something they aren't. Wonderful in its simplicity, really.

Excellent questions Mr Avitable! I'm breaking the rules by not inviting people to be interviewed by me, but you can go get in line behind the 75+ people awaiting questions from Avi.

And tomorrow, I'm back to Seattle. But first I'm off to work so I can post this entry.

UPDATE: Well that's odd. Just as I was getting ready to head out, the internet came back on. Bizarre.

I am not a morning person.

Even though I get up before sunrise, my daily routine is such that I'm not good for much during the early hours. Most of the time I'll just grab my laptop and either read blogs or work for a bit until I am motivated to get out of bed. Usually this is dictated by my need to pee, but sometimes it's because the phone will ring or some other disturbance. In any event, asking me to do anything at 4:30 in the morning is a pretty bad idea. But Jessica over at Daughter of Opinion has asked people to take a photo of themselves when they first wake up in the morning, and she's pretty hard to refuse anything.

So last night before bed, I put my camera on my night-stand on top of my glasses so I would not forget. Here is the terrifying result...

Since it's still dark when I get up, I just turned on my desk lamp and snapped the photo. It's a bit off-center, but considering I am practically blind without my glasses, I feel lucky my head is even in the shot at all.

I find it interesting to note that Jessica looks like she just walked off the set of America's Next Top Model in her photo, which is why I suppose she came up with the idea for this meme in the first place. If I looked that good first thing in the morning, I'd want people to know about it too.

Though, to be honest, I would probably be a lot more crass about it than she is. I'd use it as a pick-up line or something... "Hey baby, I look totally hot in the mornings. But don't take my word for it, why don't you come back to my place so you can wake up and see for yourself... heh, heh, heh."

Men are such pigs.

I suppose I shouldn't complain too much about my photo... I'm just happy that there's not a welt on my face anymore.

Yesterday I was driving down the road while messing with my seat-belt. I needed both hands to turn a corner, so I let go of the belt only to have it slip out of the restraining loop and smack me in the face. Hard. It left a nice red mark that was still there when I went to bed last night.

Nothing quite like being bitch-slapped by life after a hard day at work.

Because I love Mocha Momma more than life itself, I'm joining in on her BlogMe Ten Second Intro meme!

But before I start... the best new reality show ever has just started airing: Victoria Beckham: Coming to America! The one-time Spice Girl is moving to the USA after her super-star soccer player husband, David Beckham, was awarded a gazillion-dollar contract to play for the L.A. Galaxy. I've always loved Posh Spice, but now my infatuation has escalated to an entirely new level...

Scorching hot Victoria Beckham photo taken from Just Jared.

There's just something about seeing Posh take her drivers license exam at the DMV that's totally compelling television to me. I think I actually squealed a little when she passed. By the time we got to the Victoria Beckham dress-up sex doll, I was hooked.

And now on to the introduction (which might be 10 seconds if you read really fast)...

I am a graphic designer, which is a career I fell into entirely by accident. I've designed or worked on just about anything you can think of over the past 20 years... catalogs, advertising, packaging, video games, architecture, clothing, book covers, album art, movie storyboards, posters, magazines, logos, web sites, software, user interfaces, children's toys, comic books, DVD menus, airplane graphics, board games, instruction manuals, maps, and much, much more.

I love to travel in my spare time, and enjoy visiting Hard Rock Cafes around the world.

I am a vegetarian, and have been since a girlfriend dragged me into it back on Earth Day, 1986. After becoming a vegetarian, the relationship lasted four more weeks. The diet stuck, and has lasted over 20 years. I can't give up dairy though, because I love cheese and chocolate pudding.

I am not religious, but study Buddhism and try to live my live according to Buddhist precepts. My friends and family mean more to me than anything else. I still think Elizabeth Hurley is the most beautiful woman on earth, even though she went and got herself married.

I'm Dave. Nice to meet you, and goodnight!

On top of having the ebola virus (or whatever), I find myself to be in a really cranky mood. I was forced to leave work early because my eyes would not stop watering, and so now I'm even farther behind than ever. Just writing this blog entry is a huge effort that's probably going to take forever. Since I am mostly incoherent, I should probably just lay down some bullet-points full of whining and be done with it.

• Desktritus... Avitable has picked up on a meme whereas you share a photo of your desk. Of course, anything Avitable does seems to propagate through the blogosphere like a wildfire, meaning that if I don't participate there must be something wrong with me (even RW is doing it!). The problem is that there IS something wrong with me and I'm at home sick. This means I can't snap a photo of my nicely-organized work desk... oh no! I have to use a photo of my home desk, which is pretty much a disaster area that should be condemned...

Here you go Avitable, you bastard!
0) Business cards from people I will never contact, 1) A stack of books to read (probably recommended by Vahid), 2) A bottle of melatonin, 3) A pencil cup with my Maui shark keychain and assorted pens, 4) A plastic bag with a defective camera lens in it, 5) Two tarot card decks (I'm making my own Bad Monkey Tarot, and need them for reference), 6) An unused plastic rain poncho I got from Disney World, 7) A shot glass from my trip to the Hard Rock Lisbon, 8) Coin cups from the Hard Rock Casino Las Vegas with loose change inside, 9) My Rosetta Stone French course, 10) My Mac G4 Cube that I can't bear to get rid of, 11) A container full of Lego pieces, 12) A spare blanket from my car, 13) A container with Farscape trading cards and autographed photos of the cast, 14) A bag of rejected shirts from the Artificial Duck Store, 15) A box of souvenir crap from my trip to China, 16) A bag with an original Chris Ware print from a trip to Chicago needing to be framed, 17) A container filled with Japanese manga comics, 18) A tube with a poster from my trip to The Vatican Museum, 19) A hardcopy of my book, 20) A stack of comics I've read and need to file away, 21) A mess of cables and a LiveStrong bracelet, 22) A voodoo doll from my trip to New Orleans that really works, 23) My Sully plush from Monsters Inc., 24) My old Nintendo DS, 25) My Batman alarm clock that Karl gave me at TequilaCon, 26) My iPhone and glasses, 27) My MacBook Pro, 28) Old film negatives that I need to send in for scanning, 29) Comics to read, 30) Buttons left over from Davecago2, 31) Comics to read after I have a few more issues.

Yeah, that's pretty bad. But, in my defense, I've been traveling and working a lot and haven't had much time to clean it up around my home.

• Theft... I am constantly getting emails from people telling me of dumbasses who steal stuff from Blogography and try to pass it off as their own. Whenever I confront these idiots, it's always the same story... "I just wanted to share it with my readers!" Well, if that's all you wanted, then why not link to the original source? Or, if you simply must post it on your site, why not at least credit where you took it from? Otherwise, you're nothing more than a douchebag thief, passing off somebody else's work as your own.

My Creative Commons license is very generous. As long as you aren't a commercial site making money off my stuff, go ahead and take anything you want... as long as you credit me as the creator with a link to the source material. If you don't credit the source, you're breaking my copyright and the law. If you post my material on a site whose primary function is selling advertising, that's a commercial site and your're breaking my copyright and the law (even if you credit the source). It's not rocket science, it's the difference between right and wrong, and I'm tired of it. If you are totally incapable of saying anything original and have to steal all your content, then just give it up you thieving hack.

• NBC... I pay for DirecTV, so I don't buy many television shows online. I prefer to wait for the DVD. The only exception are those times I miss an episode, or I'll buy shows just to have something to watch when I'm stuck somewhere without entertainment. This is why Apple's iTunes Store is so great... it's so easy to buy a shows whenever you want. The $1.99 price tag is a bit steep for what you get, but I'm willing to pay the money for the convenience of it all. Except now NBC Television has decided to pull out of the iTunes Store because they want $4.99 per episode, and Apple (quite rightly) said no. IS NBC OUT OF THEIR FUCKING MINDS? Let's take a look at current options for obtaining television programs. As an example, I am using the first season of NBC's hit program Heroes...

Who in their right mind would pay $4.99 for a television show that's of low quality, has DRM crap encoded in it, is more expensive than a DVD set loaded with extras, comes without any storage media, and is more expensive than even HD-DVD? NOBODY! That's who! Digital delivery of files is the cheapest possible method of distribution with practically no benefits (except convenience) yet the legal options for buying it always cost the most. That is totally fucked up. Fuck NBC. Fuck them up their stupid, greedy asses. And bravo to Apple for not caving to idiocy, and being willing to lose money rather than compromise to a no-win situation.

• Adobe... After having had to get my MacBook repaired because of a TSA agent dropping my battery on it and denting the case, something was wacky with the hard drive and I had to reformat it. This is no big deal, I keep full backups of my data, and I don't mind reinstalling my software. Unless that software comes from Adobe. Because of their new online activation bullshit, I ended up having to call in to get technical assistance so I could access software I PURCHASED DIRECTLY FROM ADOBE. This idiocy is meant to stop software piracy, but all it does is piss me off (meanwhile, cracked versions of the software are available on BitTorrent, which means that it doesn't stop piracy in the first place). What kind of company purposefully initiates a scheme whose only effect is making their loyal customers hate them? Why do I pay these idiots to treat me like a criminal?

• Finale... Eh, that's enough bitching for one day. I'm going to see if a couple of tubs of chocolate pudding will make me feel any better.

Leave it to Hilly to come up with a new meme I can't refuse. Her "How Well Do You Know Me" entry is a bit more personal than I get here on my blog, but it still seemed like a fun thing to do while catching up on TiVo. Though, since nobody seems to read blogs on the weekend, maybe I should have waited until next week? Probably. Oh well, here we go...

1. My current dream vacation would be...
   1. Touring through Thailand, Cambodia, and Vietnam.
   2. Taking an icebreaker cruise to Antarctica from South America.
   3. Exploring the Amalfi Coast of Southern Italy.
   4. A trip from Brisbane to Sydney to Melbourne in Australia.
2. My biggest pet peeve is...
   1. People clipping their fingernails (or toenails) in public.
   2. People making crunching noises while eating in TV commercials.
   3. People that let their kids run wild and unsupervised.
   4. People who smack their gum while chewing it.
3. No matter how bad I feel, doing this one thing will make me feel happy every time...
   1. Painting a scenic picture in watercolors.
   2. Bitch-slapping random idiots at the grocery store.
   3. Watching the last 5 minutes of the movie Millions by Danny Boyle.
   4. Eating a bowl of chocolate pudding with a stack of graham crackers.
4. My DaveToon sidekick character of Bad Monkey is based on...
   1. Robert, my motorcycle-riding psychotic friend.
   2. Max, the homicidal rabbit from Sam & Max.
   3. Curious George, friend of the Man in the Yellow Hat.
   4. Calvin from Bill Watterson's Calvin & Hobbes.
5. The first blogger I ever met in person is...
   1. Jenny from Run Jen Run.
   2. Jeff from Geekable.
   3. Kazza from Kazza the Blank One.
   4. Kevin from Kapgar.
6. Total number of webfeeds I read, and the number of those that are personal blogs...
   1. 188 / 131.
   2. 227 / 170.
   3. 362 / 256.
   4. 390 / 316.
7. The traits I most admire in people is...
   1. Honesty & Intelligence.
   2. Conviction & Compassion.
   3. Bravery & Strength.
   4. Hotness & Charisma.
8. The person I would most like to beat severely with a baseball bat...
   1. Jared Fogle, the Subway Sandwich Whore.
   2. Doug Morris, CEO of Universal Music.
   3. Ann Couter, evil incarnate.
   4. Pat Robertson, hate-preaching bastard.
9. The travel guru I most like to use as a resource for planning my trips...
   1. The Travel Channel's Samantha Brown.
   2. 1000 Places to See Before You Die author Patricia Schultz.
   3. Famous travel writer and TV personality Rick Steves.
   4. Brilliant travel storyteller Bill Bryson.
10. My greatest phobia would be...
    1. Nosocomephobia: Fear of hospitals.
    2. Entomophobia: Fear of insects.
    3. Ophidiophobia: Fear of snakes.
    4. Acrophobia: Fear of heights.

Here's the really strange thing... on some of these, I don't even know what my answer will be!

Alrighty then... it's my first video entry!

I recorded everything this morning, but didn't post until the afternoon so I could transcribe the audio. This way, anybody who might be deaf or hard of hearing will be able to follow along. This has the side-benefit of also helping out those people who can't play movies on their computer, or those terrified at the thought of having to watch me on video (and who could blame them?).

You'll have to forgive the crummy video quality, because it was recorded with my mini iSight camera with crappy lighting. While you're at it, you might as well forgive the bad audio and horrible graphics as well. This video is total crap, and should be avoided at all costs.

But if you're a glutton for punishment, look behind the curtain...

A video transcript is in an extended entry...

→ Click here to continue reading this entry...

Two weeks ago, I made an appointment for this morning at 9:00am to see if my satellite TV could be upgraded. I received a phone call yesterday confirming this appointment. This morning I get a call at 8:50am telling me that they don't have the equipment and have to reschedule.

WTF?!? They certainly knew they didn't have the equipment yesterday... why the hell didn't they call me then? Why wait until I've already scheduled my day to call and totally f#@%-up my plans? This kind of thing is completely unacceptable, yet is so commonplace in the repair/installer industry that I don't understand how anything ever gets done.

Dumbasses.

Well, not after last week's game, but we'll see...

The good news is that the weather cleared up a bit for my drive over to Seattle. And speaking of Seattle... on Sunday the 28th of October, I am flying back from the east coast and staying downtown. I know that Sunday isn't the best day for this kind of thing, but would any Seattle bloggers want to get together for an early dinner in the city? I have to work on Monday morning, so I can't stay out until midnight or anything, but it still might be fun to get together. My email address is in my sidebar, let me know if you would be able to come. I'm thinking 4:30-ish, so we have plenty of time to visit and stuff.

And lastly, before I head out the door... a meme!

Bre (of "Win or Lose, We Go Shopping" fame) has come up with a list the words or phrases she uses too often. Then Hilly posted her list too, and a meme was born. Below is a list of the 15 things I find myself saying (or typing) far too often...

1. "The Whole Taco" Which I use instead of "the big picture" to mean "everything." — e.g. "You can't obsess on the details, you have to look at the whole taco!" or "This is only part of my blogroll... click here for the whole taco."
2. "Wrecked" Takes the place of "broken" and "sucks" for me. — e.g. "I fell and wrecked my back!" or "Windows Vista is wrecked."
3. "Totally" Rarely used in conversation, but constantly used while writing, as a modifier to signify extremeness. — e.g. "I would so totally go to a Spice Girls concert!" and "Windows Vista is totally wrecked!"
4. "Sweet" Which took the place of "cool" and "awesome" for me. — e.g. "Your new iPhone is sweet!" or "My trip to Vegas was totally sweet!"
5. "Serious" Another modifier to signify extremeness, and is often hyphenated (much like some people are using "crazy" now-a-days). — e.g. "Elizabeth Hurley is serious-hot!" or "Chocolate pudding is serious-delicious."
6. "Bank" Which took the place of "money" for me. — e.g. "That Porsche must cost some serious bank!" or "I wanted to fly to Paris for the weekend, but didn't have the bank."
7. "Bitch" Mostly used with inanimate objects (as opposed to people) to express frustration. — e.g. "This bitch is the wrong size!" or "How do I get this bitch to turn on?"
8. "Bitches" Takes the place of "people" or "friends" for me. — e.g. "Those bitches are going to be late!" or "Hey bitches, thanks for the birthday presents!"
9. "Whore" Used to indicate that you'll say, do, or buy anything a person or company wants you to. &mdash e.g. "I just bought the new iPod even though I already own four of them... I am such an Apple Whore!" or "Jared Fogle, the Subway Sandwich Whore."
10. "Touched Down" Used to mean the time that something happened. — e.g. "Apple just touched down with new iPod models!" or "That new television show touched down three weeks ago."
11. "Hurricane" A person who causes frustration, destruction, problems, or disgust... mostly due to their being annoying. — e.g. "I wish they would fire Hurricane Caruso from CSI Miami so it would be watchable!"
12. "Weather Delay" Used to describe ANY problem or when something is totally fucked-up (just like the airlines use!) and often used with "Hurricane" (see above). — e.g. "My stupid Windows Vista machine is experiencing a weather delay... AGAIN!" or "Sorry I'm late, there was a weather delay in the parking garage." or "Hurricane Bush has caused a serious weather delay in Iraq."
13. "Heinous" Seriously bad. So bad that there's no justification for it. — e.g. "David Caruso's 'acting' is heinous." or "The CW Network's heinous cancellation of 'Veronica Mars' haunts me to this day."
14. "Delusional" Somebody who routinely says something unbelievable, unrealistic, or just plain stupid. — "Pat Robertson says that Hurricane Katrina was the wrath of God on the sinners of New Orleans... he's delusional that way." or "Ann Coulter is totally serious-delusional."
15. "Dude" I rarely say this anymore except when I'm having a conversation with Bad Robert, in which case we both use it constantly to refer to each other. — "Dude! We should totally order out pizza and play Xbox this weekend!" and "Dude! I know! I so totally have to kick your ass in Halo3! and "Dude! Dream on!" and "Dude! I can SO kick your ass in Halo3!" and "Dude! You're delusional!"

I'm sure there are many more (I am forever using the phrase "well that sucks!," for example) but these are probably the ones that annoy other people the most.

And, on that note, I'm off...

Ooh, look! SJ from Pseudotherapy came up with a new Hallowmeme... Behind The Mask: Who's That Blogger?

The Official Rules: "This is, appropriately, a meme of many faces. The basic idea is to present info on other bloggers and see how many of your readers can guess who’s who. What info and how you present it is entirely up to you! Choose your victims (famous or obscure, as you wish), decide on a concept and get busy!"

As a visual-type person, I decided to snap a small square from everybody in my "Bloggers I've Met" list (found either in my Home Page Sidebar or my Blogroll Page) and see how many of them people could guess...

I think I could probably guess most of them... but there's three or four that might give me some trouble.

Happy Halloween everybody!

This morning I was walking to my car so I could drive to work when I saw something laying in the flower bed. Stopping to investigate, I realized that it was a knife(!).

From watching hundreds of episodes of CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, my mind immediately started thinking that this must be evidence in a murder, and needed to be preserved before somebody came along and destroyed any fingerprints or traces of blood...

Running back to the kitchen, I grabbed some plastic bags. Two smaller bags I wore on my hands so I could put the knife in a larger bag without contaminating it with my own fingerprints. Gil Grissom would be so proud.

Except when I picked it up, I realized the knife was made of rubber, and only then did it occur to me that it was probably just part of somebody's Halloween costume. Robbed of my big murder mystery, I threw the "knife" in the trash bin and just stood there with a plastic bags on my hands, staring into space.

So much for a morning filled with excitement and danger...

Anyway... I have the answer to yesterday's Hallowmeme Challenge in an extended entry...

Well then... thanks to some help from people far smarter than me, Blogography appears to be up-and-running again. Here's hoping it stays that way for a little while.

Yesterday I was handed a movie meme and, since I had nothing better to blog about, I decided to fill it out. But after a few questions I realized it was just a variation on a half-dozen movie memes I had already done before, so I decided to toss it out and write about unclogging my shower drain instead.

But then, just as I was getting ready to take a photo of the bottle of Liquid Plumr that had saved my day, I noticed one of the movie questions was different. It asked: "Name three characters from the movies you can personally relate to and why." Interesting! That's pretty much an entry all by itself, so I'll blog about my shower drain another day.

And now, three people from the movies I personally relate to and why...

"Mark" from Love Actually (played by Andrew Licoln).

Love Actually is one of those films you either fall in love with immediately... or you despise because it is so contrived, manipulative, and filled with one-dimensional characters. On first viewing, I was firmly in the latter camp. I was disappointed that Richard Curtis would slap together a bunch of short bits from stories we've seen a hundred times before (including his own Notting Hill) and call it a film. The result is a patchwork of fantastic actors doing their best to add depth to characters that are so ill-defined that it's almost impossible to care about them.

But then it grows on you. You see it at the rental store and remember it had some funny bits so you watch it again. And again during the holidays because it's a Christmas film. And again because it happens to be on HBO. And soon you're watching it for no reason at all, when suddenly it dawns on you... the characters don't have to be three-dimensional, because the characters are you. Or your family & friends. Or people you know. You don't need the details of their lives to become invested in them, because you already know them.

This revelation dawned on me as I came upon the scene where Juliet has just discovered that her new husband's best friend is secretly in love with her. Mark is all at once overcome with the heartache, longing, shame, and the crushing disappointment of being in love with somebody he can never have...

Yeah. Definitely been there, done that, and can totally relate. Watching Andrew Licoln's brilliant, wordless interpretation of his character's agony is eerie, because it's as if he reached into my own experience and is expressing it on screen for everybody to see. Unfortunately, the director didn't allow his performance to stand on its own, and felt the need to blast music (Dido's lovely Here With Me) over the top... trying once again to manipulate the viewer unnecessarily... but it's still a scene that strikes me at my core every time I see it.

"Bob and Charlotte" from Lost in Translation (played by Bill Murray & Scarlett Johansson).

There are very few moments in Sophia Coppola's masterwork Lost in Translation which don't resonate with me. She managed to capture with almost supernatural accuracy exactly what it's like to be a foreigner in Japan... Being surrounded by millions of people yet feeling completely alone... The bizarre yet captivating world of Tokyo at night... Seeing your fellow foreigners over and over again because you're all stuck in the same loop... Not being able to sleep... Trying your best to fit into a culture which you will never, ever be able to fit into... The language barrier facing you at every turn... Feeling like an alien because you're so tall and freaky-looking compared to everybody else... It's all here. When I first saw Lost in Translation, I related so closely to Bob and Charlotte that I felt as if the film was speaking just to me. Like it was made just for me. Numerous subsequent viewings haven't changed my mind...

Scene after scene I find myself mentally going "that was me!" and the memories of my trips to Japan come flooding back. It's not often that a film so totally enters my psyche and consumes me, but this would definitely be one of them. Many people I know didn't care for this movie at all, and something in the back of my head is always wondering if the only reason I love it so much is because I relate to it so well.

And now, because I feel it's a public service to mention it, the Lost In Translation soundtrack is sublime, and available on iTunes. Each track is an atmospheric piece of magic that haunts you long after the last track has played. Of course, the song that everybody wants from the movie, Fuck the Pain Away by Peaches, is not on the soundtrack, but is also available on iTunes if you're looking for it.

"Joe" from Idiocracy (played by Luke Wilson).

Yeah, like a movie about a guy trapped in a world filled with morons is really that much of a stretch from my life of being trapped in a world filled with morons (present company excepted, of course). While not up to the impossibly high standards set by Mike Judge with his first film, Office Space, the not-so-implausible future depicted in Idiocracy is still brilliantly realized...

Everything run by dumbass politicians... Corporations taking over the country... Starbucks expanding into the sex trade... Tell me that this is anything but an accurate portrayal of the world of tomorrow! So yeah, seriously I can totally relate.

Brawndo. It's Got Electrolytes. It's What Plants Crave!

Today I knocked off work early so I could run into Wenatchee and buy stuff to put in my care package for AnySoldier.com (I've written about this wonderful organization here). While shopping at Target for magazines and snacks, I was reminded that when you do good things, good things come back to you.

Because, OMG... HELLO KITTY GUMMIES!!

They taste totally awesome, even though I didn't get a pink My Melody Bunny in my bag (I would have preferred Kuromi anyway), and all my blue Kitty Bows were a nasty vomit-green color. The good news though? They go great with Little Debbie Chocolate Chip Snack Cakes, and would no doubt perfectly compliment Hello Kitty Pop-Tarts...

Awww, isn't that sweet?!?

UPDATE: Boy was I wrong... Hello Kitty Gummies, as manufactured by Kelloggs, contains DISGUSTING GELATIN as an ingredient. Why the hell they feel the need to put such unnecessary shit in their product is a mystery to me when alternatives like citrus pectin are available. Shame! SHAME ON KELLOGGS! And shame on me for trusting them and not reading the ingredients.

A meme bopping through the internets anew is the SIX QUIRKY THINGS ABOUT YOU meme. You're supposed to post rules and tag everybody and stuff, but I never really play by the rules and loathe tagging people. So I'm just going to post my quirks and be done with it...

1. I don't drink coffee. Given my proximity to Seattle, many people think this is the quirkiest thing about me.
2. I hate train whistles to the point of insanity. I live in a small town that has a train running right through the middle. Since there are two road crossings, one at each end of town, there is no place in the city that you can't hear the f#@%ing train whistle every time they blow through town. I have to listen to train whistles all day at work and all night at home and it drives me nuts. Even when I am riding a train, every time the whistle blows I want to beat something with a hammer.
3. I'll go anywhere on earth at a moment's notice if the mood strikes me. As an example, I once flew to Denmark just to attend a friend's 30th birthday party. Two full days of travel for just 9 hours in Copenhagen that I booked the day before I left. This seems perfectly natural to me, but I can see how people might think this kind of thing is "quirky" behavior.
4. I watch The View. Well, to be more accurate, I fast-forward through The View each night. It all started when Bill O'Reilly was on while Rosie O'Donnell was still hosting and I was compelled to watch. It's been stuck on my TiVo ever since. But the reason I still watch it is because these bitches are crazy. Barbara Walters and Sheri Shepherd are particularly bat-ass insane, which has high entertainment value. Whoopi is always smart entertainment whenever she plays herself. Joy Behar represents the Liberal end of the spectrum with insightful commentary that communicates her opinions with humor and wit. Unfortunately her counterpart, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, woefully under-represents The Right by doing nothing more than regurgitating popular Conservative propaganda which she passes off as "opinion." If only they would fire her ass and hire a smart Conservative (that leaves Ann Coulter out) with actual opinions, The View might be a good forum for political debate. As it is, however, the show is just a train wreck I can't seem to give up.
5. I am afraid of clowns. People always think that I'm joking when I say this, but it's no exaggeration... clowns positively terrify me. If I'm taken by surprise by a clown, I will freak out. It would be cool if I could tie my coulrophobia to something interesting, like a Stephen King novel, but I hated clowns from long before I learned how to read. If I had the power to eradicate Ronald McDonald from the face of the earth for the benefit of all humanity, I would do it in a heartbeat.
6. I'm obsessed with Hello Kitty, for heavens sake. That pretty much says it all.

Eh, that's not so quirky. We'll have to save that for later.

First of all, OMG, Zack Snyder has posted some promo shots of various characters from the upcoming Watchmen movie, and they kick-ass! It's going to be agony waiting a year until this film is released... I hope it's worth it.

Second of all, it would seem Gary Gygax, co-creator of Dungeons & Dragons, has run out of Hit Points. As a former hard-core D&D geek, this is sad news indeed. I wasted a lot of time in my high school years battling monsters and seeking treasure, which is only moderately better than doing drugs I suppose.

And lastly, it's Avitable's Querypalooza! The rules say you have to answer these five questions on your blog, come up with five new ones for your readers to answer on their respective blogs, then link back to the original post. Here we go...

1. Out of all of the posts you've written, which is your favorite and why? That's difficult to answer... I'm really proud of entries like Wings because it took so much planning to make things happen, and it totally paid off. But my favorite posts are always those that are the simplest. Just a little illustration or something. Like Ride or Friends.

2. Out of all of the posts I've written that you've read, which is your favorite and why? Too many good entries, but my favorite is easily Halloween 2007 Recap Part 2. Great memories of a great party, and I was there!