I'm steeped in sadness with a broken heart today, but writing my way through it... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...
Except it can't just yet.
This blog has been a blessing in so many ways, but the long-term friendships I've gotten from it have been a part of the bedrock upon which my life has been built. Bricks carved from stones that never falter, carrying the load from those which cracked and crumbled to dust. — Regardless of time. Regardless or distance. Regardless of consequence.
One of the biggest rocks in my life was Aaron, whom I first met as Jester from his JesterTunes blog. He was a key member of the "West Coast Blog Mafia" of which I was lucky enough to be a part back in the day.
We became good friends from the start.
And now he's gone.
Of all the people I know, he was the most unapologetically himself at all times, and it was something I couldn't help but admire. I was drawn to him... as most people were who met him. He was a magnet with a big musical talent and an even bigger heart. If you were lucky enough to know him, he made your life better just by being there.
Which is why I'm crushed that he isn't any more.
Except he is.
Because I have so many memories of him which will live on as long as I do. Here is a small sampling of some of my favorites, complete with a link.
At least those I can post publicly!
• Tattoo Me! I had wanted a tattoo for 26 years by the time I finally got my first one. Aaron was there to document it...
He was also consulted on my other tattoos. He saved me from a goof in the art I drew up for one of my favorites. This was also the tattoo where I told him that I was hesitant to get it inked because of what other people might think about my cartoony choices. He immediately shot back with "If you're going to care about what other people think, maybe you shouldn't get it then. But you should work on not giving a fuck about what other people think." A life lesson to live by. Then I got the tattoo. Mostly because I wanted it. But also to remind me that life is too short to give a fuck about what other people think.
• Thank You For The Music! Aaron lived and breathed music. He was a great singer, and I was lucky to see him perform from time to time...
Jester as Ace Fontana as Ace Frehley — ©2016 by Tananarive Aubert Photography
His greatest gift to me will always be the music he shared which he thought I might like. And I always liked it. He was forever sending me a new artist or song to listen to. And most of it has found its way into my playlists. Yesterday, after I was able to drive again after getting the news, the next song to play was Hey Jane by Low Millions. A group I never would have found if not for Aaron...
I couldn't possibly put into words what a musical influence Aaron was on me. For better or worse. Once he sent me a video by Scissor Sisters, a band I didn't really know. I think I had probably heard a few of their songs, but hadn't really took a dive into the band. Aaron was appalled... "You don't know who Scissor Sisters are?!? You need to fix that." And so I did. And after I made my way through Magic Hour, I texted him that I couldn't wait to hear what they do next. He shot back with "Oh. The band broke up." And I was all "WHY WOULD YOU GET ME HOOKED ON A BAND THAT BROKE UP?!? Last Winter he let me know that I could stop hating him because the band was going on tour, and it might lead to new music.
• 1975 Live! Despite the fact that he was living in San Francisco and I was in Central Washington, we managed to get together for a number of concerts. He'd text or call that an act was playing and I'd Venmo the cash for my ticket and fly down to see it. From Walk the Moon to Wrabel to Betty Who, it was a guaranteed fun time seeing a show with Jester. And then there's that time we saw The 1975 live on December 17th, 2015... one of my all-tie favorite bands which, naturally, Aaron discovered for me...
It ended up being one of the best concerts I've ever been to and one of the best experiences I've ever had. And it never would have happened without him.
• JesterRolling! Back in the heydey of the blogging trend, one of the things that bloggers did was have a radio show on BlogTalkRadio. Given his phenomenally entertaining personality, Jester's was that one show you could not miss. You tuned in because you had no idea what the heck was going to happen. And one of the best things to happen was "JesterRolling" where Aaron would find some show with no listeners, give everybody the address, then we would all jump over to participate in the show. It was absolute madness. Sometimes it would be heartwarming, where a host would be genuinely touched that all of a sudden 30 people were listening to what they had to say. Sometimes it would be bedlam, where the host was a monumental asshole spouting hate or otherwise being awful. Something Jester never tolerated in real life... and was not afraid to confront on the internet. It was glorious.
I was a guest or caller on the show several times. I had taken one of those stupid internet quizzes where you answer questions and it tells you how gay you are. Turns out I'm 20% gay. Which means I could promote my appearance on the show in interesting ways. Like saying "When you combine my 20% gay fierceness with Jester's 100% gay fierceness, that's 120% gay fierceness all in one radio show, which just might exceed the BlogTalk Radio standards for overall gay fierceness!"
A part of me is sad that BlogTalkRadio shut down in January. It would be fun to listen to some of those old shows again. And yet... a part of me is probably glad that it has shut down, because oh boy.
• "Most guys would be pretty upset if another guy grabbed their ass. I'm just glad to know I have options!" Even though I was only 20% gay and probably not qualified to intrude on those spaces... having gay friends means I end up in a lot of gay places. But only with Aaron did it end up being educational. There's few things Jester loved more than regaling me with the more, ahem, "interesting" aspects of gay life and gay culture. Probably to get my reaction, which was usually a mixture of shock and awe. Even though the absolute last thing anybody should be when hanging out with him is shocked. Once we went to a good bye party for a mutual blogging friend at a gay bar in The Castro called "Hi Tops" (home of cold pitchers and hot catchers!). We were talking at the bar while waiting on our drinks when I suddenly said "Oh!" mid-sentence because one of the waiters grabbed my ass as he rounded the end of the bar. Jester thought this was hilarious, and reminded me of it. Often. Once he took me to a gay bar down the street from a restaurant where we were early for our reservation. After we ordered, he told the waiter "Feel free to grab his ass when you come back. He's straight, but he likes it." He was forever doing things like that. One of the times we met up in Vegas, we were in a shopping plaza on an escalator where he started rubbing my back and saying loudly all the things he wanted to do to me when we got back to the hotel room. I don't know if he was trying to embarrass me or shock the people around us. It could have been both. It was probably both. Oh come on, this is Jester we're talking about... it was definitely both.
• If you come to San Francisco! I couldn't count the number of times I ended up hanging with Aaron in The City By The Bay. I often had work there, and Aaron lived in nearby Oakland. Most times, it was dinner or drinks (more likely, both) but we also did a lot of other things there too. Like visit The Walt Disney Family Museum...
Or driving north to Marin so we could visit Point Reyes and pick out a pumpkin for his Halloween decorating...
Most of the time, we would meet up in San Francisco. But we actually met in a lot of places. We met in Las Vegas for Certified Princess Cher & her husband Nis's second wedding...
We met in San Diego for the DaveDiego meet-up...
Then in San Diego again for his 40th birthday party...
And we even met in Seattle for a concert once.
• i/o! The last time I saw Jester in person was when he flew to Seattle with his partner Henry and his brother Seth to take me to the Peter Gabriel i/o tour two years ago...
I would chat with Aaron after that night, of course. But I didn't know it would be the last time I'd see him. If I did, I would have done more than just hug him goodbye. I would have told him how much he has meant to me all these many years. I would have thanked him for the multitude of memories he's responsible for which have brought such joy to my life. I would have told him that I loved him and my life would be poorer if he weren't in it. I would have said so many things that you can only say to somebody who really means something to you.
Instead I just have to hope that he knew what he meant to me.
Aaron was loved by so many people. And being his friend put you in a far from an exclusive club because he has so many of them. But he had a way of making you feel like you were his only friend on this earth. I will miss that about him. I will miss my friend more than I can say.
I put this post in a Bullet Sunday entry because I met Aaron through blogging and it seemed the most Blogography way to talk about him. The problem being that there's just so much I could say that these bullets could have gone on for pages and pages. But eventually the bullet points have to end, just like they always do.
Eventually, you have to say goodbye, even though you really don't want to.
Today I was driving back home from my holiday across the mountains when I got a phone call that was a punch in the gut so unexpected that I had to pull off the road because driving a car became a foreign concept in my head.
And then, after ten minutes to mostly get my head on straight, I was off again...
Because this is the only major East-West route left across the state (flooding destroyed the other one) and it snowed last night, there was major congestion in places... which meant that a 2-1/2 hour trip took 3-1/2 hours to complete.
But at the end when I finally walked through the door to my home, the trip was worth it because it wasn't just Jake waiting for me... both Jake AND Jenny were waiting for me. Which is strange, because Jenny usually prefers to make sure it's safe before venturing downstairs when anybody walks in the house. Including me.
It was a repeat of when I got back from Florida...
...except this time I really needed it.
When I was a kid, it felt that the entire year was a build-up to Christmas and, once it was over, there was a depression that crept in because it was all downhill from there.
Until the next Christmas.
In a lot of ways, it's still like that. Not because Christmas means the same thing to me as it did way, way back then, but because that's life in these United States. The entire country is on a collision course with Christmas, and you're in for the ride whether you want to be or not. It's everywhere.
And then, just like that, it's gone.
Remnants remain, of course. The Christmas trees are still up everywhere. Stores have all their Christmas junk on sale. Christmas decorations won't be coming down until the New Year. Some people are saying things like "I hope you had a Merry Christmas!" And people are posting their Christmas photos. Etc. Etc. Etc.
But it's nothing like it was just two days prior.
Two weeks prior.
Even nearly two months prior, when the madness begins the day after Halloween. If you're lucky. I saw a Christmas section going up in a store the week before Christmas.
It's all a little sad.
Something I am definitely not sad about is that I have the day off work. Turns out Christmas has benefits even for the heathens amongst us.
Yesterday I headed over the mountains which, depressingly, was an easy drive. This time of year, the road should have an unfathomably deep layer of snow off the side.
Six feet. Eight feet. Maybe even more. But it was just covering the barriers, even at the very top of the pass...
Here I am coming down the other side of the mountain, and you can see that the barrier is still visible...
So right now we're having major flooding and rain in the valley, which is a bad enough sign because it means that it's too warm to snow. And now seeing this in the mountains has me seriously worried we're in for drought this coming Summer.
I mean, I guess I'm grateful that it was an easy drive.
But not really.
Christmas is not my holiday, but I live in the USA so it might as well be.
And, hey, I'm not complaining. The country pretty much shuts down from December 24th through January 2nd, which means I can catch up with my work without distraction! There's so much needed to be done to close out the year that I'm always grateful to have the extra time to get ahead of it.
And this year, since I had a vacation earlier in the month, I'll also appreciate having some time to CLEAN MY FILTHY HOUSE. Seriously, I never realize how much of a mess my cats make on a daily basis until I'm not here to keep on top of it. They are so messy. Cat fur... everywhere. Kitty litter... everywhere. Cat toys... everywhere. And an occasional hairball or scarf-and-barf deposit. It ain't at all pretty after more than 3 or 4 days.
I'm coming up on 21 days, and I've barely had time to touch the place.
And now snow is supposed to be coming in the next few days, which means I'll be cleaning up outside my home as well.
'Tis the season.
There is no "worst day" for me after my mom died. That was it. That was the one I get.
Which is why one of the books I'm working on is currently titled Travels with My Mother (and the five worst days of my life). It's a collection of travel stories from when I was visiting places around the world with her interspersed with me recounting the five worst days of my life. It's been fun to write... but difficult too, because it just makes me realize all over again how much I've lost with each new page.
But anyway...
Yesterday was my mom's birthday. She would have been 81 years old.
It's also the day my car tabs are due. Which is one of those unhappy coincidences that I never thought about when I had to buy a new car last December.
So I went to the bookkeeping office where I pay for the tabs, then drove home.
The road to which goes right by the cemetery where my mom is buried. Which is another one of those unhappy coincidences that I never thought about when I picked the easiest route to my home.
But anyway...
Today is Caturday, which only exists because of the two cats I got to keep my mom company and help distract her from being confused all the time. A job Jake and Jenny did exceptionally well...
Yes. I just shared this three Caturdays ago, but I didn't know it would be needed again so soon.
And so... happy birthday mom, one day late.
I got back home Saturday and immediately knew I was in trouble.
I was so exhausted from the preceding ten days that I knew there was no way I could recover in the half day I had before jumping back into work on Sunday. So I didn't. Instead I jumped back into work Saturday afternoon... spent Sunday morning doing nothing... then finished up with the work I had due today on Sunday evening.
What a stupid plan that was.
I felt completely wiped all day today and wish that I had given myself a bit of a break last night. But there's nothing I can do about it now.
Except head to bed early and see if I can make it up to myself.
Surprisingly, I'm totally ready for my impending vacation. My suitcase is packed, everything is reserved, and all my various stuff I need is in order. My gas tank is even filled.
What I haven't done is purged my refrigerator and cleaned my home. Two tasks which are kinda important if you don't want to come home to a mess. Not that I have much of a choice, because I have two cats that will be doing their best to trash the place. They always do.
I guess the least I could do is vacuum.
I need a vacation.
Oh, that's right, I'll be on vacation on Wednesday!
But, no worries, I'm sure I'll need a vacation from my vacation when it's over. I always do because I don't know how to relax while on vacation. I'm too busy doing stuff.
Which is fine, because there's nothing I'd rather do in my off-time than doing something I'm not normally doing.
I have adopted a new philosophy of task management. It's the Do It Now initiative.
Essentially, it means that instead of adding it to a to-do list or putting it off, I just do it right then and there whenever possible. I notice something that needs fixing, and I fix it. I remember something I've been meaning to do, and I do it. If something needs to be cleaned, I clean it. This is a direct result of me spending more time managing my list of tasks instead of actually doing tasks.
It applies to blogging as well.
For the longest time I've been wanting to write a quick post about how much I loathe current software trends. And so here we are. This mostly applies to these two abominations...
Let's start with the subscription model which has become the darling of the software development industry. I fucking hate it, which is tough considering that it seems to have become the default. Adobe wasn't the first to go this route, but they're the most infamous to me. Instead of buying an app and owning it forever, you instead pay a fee to be able to use an app, and immediately lose access to it the minute you stop paying. This has caused me to abandon apps that I love, because I am beyond sick of this bullshit. And what's so stupid is that I usually bought an update anyway! Take for example Home Designer Pro. Half the time I buy the new version if there's a reason to do so (usually features or compatibility with new hardware). But this year they've moved their 2026 update to a subscription. Which means I am forced to pay for the annual update whether I want to or not. Doesn't matter how much I love the program, I am moving on because I just don't give a fuck about this kind of predatory app development. Just let me pay for what work you've put into the app up to that point... and come up with something compelling to get me to upgrade to the next version.
And then there's In-App purchases. And I don't mean apps which are free to download and you can then purchase it if you like it. That's fantastic. I'm talking apps which require you to keep buying shit to use it. And it's mostly games. I've done this exactly once with Simpsons: Tapped Out where you could buy in-game currency with real money and be able to buy stuff in-game. It didn't last long once I figured out how much money I was spending just to have the latest cool stuff in my online Springfield. The even worse scenario are games which are free, great, and addictive... but eventually get to a difficulty level which makes it impossible to play unless you buy in-game items in order to make the game playable for normal humans. I fucking hate this so much that I don't even bother downloading a game which has "coins" or "gems" or "credits" or what-the-fuck ever in-app purchases that guarantee the game will one day become too difficult to play without paying a shit-load of money.
I sincerely hope that one day consumer backlash convinces developers to go back to straight-up purchases of their wares. And we just might be taking first steps. Canva, a company which bought out the excellent Affinity apps, took a bold move to combine all the apps into one do-it-all design app, offer it as free-to-use, and only charge you something if you want to enable their AI features. Now, given that Affinity is already serious competition for Adobe... what is Adobe going to do? If people weren't willing to toss their subscription bullshit when the Affinity apps were a low-cost alternative, maybe they'll be willing to do it now that they're free. It'll be an interesting ride. And hopefully one which initiates some changes.
And now I need to get in my kitchen and unload the dishwasher since it will likely be finished with its run by now. I'M DOING I! I'M DOING IT NOW NOW NOW!!!
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