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I Film Porn While Sleepwalking Now

Posted on July 28th, 2021

Dave!It's currently 15 minutes until midnight. I have precious little time to get a blog entry in for the day... and nothing to blog about.

Except...

Just now ehen I was looking through my iPhone photos to see if I could remember something blogable that happened today, I saw this photo taken earlier this evening at 10:11pm...

A mystery photo that's all blurry and stuff. No idea what it could be.

What is this?

Where was I at 10:11pm?

This has to be in my house, but I'll be darned if I know which part of my house it is.

I actually walked around room to room, holding up my iPhone to see if I could figure it out. My best guess is that this is my upstairs bathroom and that rectangular hole in the upper-right is my skylight. But what would I be doing with my camera app running in the bathroom?

AM I FILMING PORN IN MY BATHROOM WHILE SLEEPWALKING NOW?

Wait... I am a sleepwalker?

Wait... I fell asleep at 10:11pm and didn't know it?

I suppose if money starts rolling in from an OnlyFans account (which I also would have had to set up while sleepwalking) then I'll know for sure.

Otherwise?

I'll be darn disappointed if I'm sleep-sexting my homemade sleepwalking porn to people for free.

   

Wherever, Whenever

Posted on July 27th, 2021

Dave!I have found no way of writing the pronunciation of my name on Facebook.

The only option I get is their default, which is wrong. "DAY-vid" is fine. But my last name has TWO Ms in it. You don't pronounce it "SI-mer"... it's more like "SIM-mer." So I just turn the pronunciation off because it annoys me greatly...

Facebook mispronouncing my name.

I've always thought that my name was kinda a no-brainer to pronounce... "Summer" with an "I" instead of a "U" is close enough because people who are not me won't catch the missing "M" and I don't care if somebody is giving it a shot. But SO MANY TIMES I get "Summer" or "Zimmer" or "Sighmer" or "Simner" or "Simmey" and whatnot. Which, no big deal, because it's easy enough to say my name back to them... but to this day I don't know where those pronunciations come from. I can only guess that they have people in their life that are close and seeing what they know? In any event, Facebook isn't helping.

My name is from the Frisian word for "summer" and it's not generally all run together when I've heard it. It's got a subtle double-tap on the M in there. So that's how I've always pronounced it. Not sure about my family, but I don't really care because it's my name and I know the origin.

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Heeeeere’s Monday…

Posted on July 26th, 2021

Dave!And how has your Monday been going?
   
ME: "This day has been truly awful. I sure hope that there’s some kind of disaster waiting for me at home that I have to deal with!"
   
UNIVERSE: "Um... how about a leak from a 12-pack of Coke in your refrigerator?"
   
ME: "HA! That’s the best you can do?"
   
UNIVERSE: "Remember how you deep-cleaned your entire refrigerator a month ago? How about the Coke leaks EVERYWHERE so you have to deep clean everything again?"
   
ME: "Pathetic. This is ME we’re talking about. You’ll have to try harder than that!"
   
UNIVERSE: "Hmmm... how about the Coke carton has gotten so soggy that when you pull it out the cans go bouncing everywhere?"
   
ME: "Yawn."
   
UNIVERSE: "Really? Okay... one of the cans falls onto the door shelf and causes it to break off."
   
ME: "It’s like you’re not even trying."
   
UNIVERSE: "The shelf falls on another shelf and causes it to break off. And these are the only two shelves that have glass jars and bottles on them."
   
ME: "Nice. Do they shatter and make a massive pile of condiments, soda, and glass shards all over my kitchen floor?"
   
UNIVERSE: "Of course! Oh... and the mess runs underneath all your appliances so you have to pull them out and clean under them as well."
   
ME: "Perfect. I love it. Keep going..."
   
UNIVERSE: "Jesus. Um... how about one of your cats happens to be in the kitchen when this goes down?"
   
ME: "Can it be Jenny? She’s easily frightened, so her being traumatized will mess up my head real good."
   
UNIVERSE: "You got it. Say... how about we have a shard of glass land by your foot? And it will be pointing up so it will slice into it real good when you try to catch the last few cans?"
   
ME: "Eh... would be better if I had a filthy kitchen and my tetanus shot wasn’t up to date... but why not? Yeah, throw that in!"
   
UNIVERSE: "We good with all that then?"
   
ME: "Maybe? Anything you could toss on top? The cherry on a sundae? Just a little ‘fuck you’ so I’ll know you really care?"
   
UNIVERSE: "When you go to start mopping it all up, the head of your mop falls apart."
   
ME: "YES! I’ll take it! Let’s go with that!"
   
UNIVERSE: "Alrighty then... your wish is my command."

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A Hedgehog on Your Monday

Posted on July 19th, 2021

Dave!I feel you, Peter...

@timo.and.peter99

Not again, Peter. ##hedgehog ##🦔 ##peterthehedgehog

♬ Deez nuts - Brandon Flansbaum

Remember when, as a kid, Mondays meant that you just had to go back to school after having the weekend off and it felt like the end of the world? This week, as an adult, I didn't even get the weekend off. Brutal.

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Stand By Your Pan

Posted on July 15th, 2021

Dave!Cookware is one of those things that I never gave a thought about. I inherited some copper-bottom RevereWare along with some cheap Teflon crap that my mom had, and I used that for years and years. Sure Teflon can kill you now (or something bad, I dunno) but who wants to live forever? Eventually I started getting into cooking and made the decision in February of 2020 to get new cookware. It's nothing fancy, but it's much nicer than what I was using... a 12-piece hard anodized set... and has really held up well. It still looks new.

Despite it all, I still kept some of my mom's old crap.

Whether out of being overly-sentimental and wanting to cling to what was left of her, or the fact that I'm a hoarder who just can't throw crap away, I kept two RevereWare pots and a beat-up old skillet that was scraped and warped and flaking Teflon.

I still use them from time to time... mostly when I'm cooking tons of stuff and run out of clean pots and pans.

Until tonight when I finally tossed out that shitty, poisonous, old Teflon skillet.

There I was scrubbing it in the sink when a nice big piece of Teflon came off. That was the straw that broke the camel's back for me, and I decided enough was enough. I have cats who are depending on me, and I don't need to end up dead from a pan I didn't want to let go of.

Plus... one less thing to clean in the future.

Though I did finish cleaning it that one last time before tossing it in the garbage. Stand by your pan, and all that. It's provided 30-35 years of faithful service and earned the right to be retired with dignity.

Well, as dignified as being tossed in the trash can be, I guess.

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How Can Life Have a Happy Ending?

Posted on July 13th, 2021

Dave!On December 23rd, 2015 I was more tired than I had ever been.

My mother was declining ever faster into dementia and taking care of her was becoming a full-time job. A full-time job that I was trying to balance with my actual full-time job. I had bought a house where I could better take care of her, and was mired in month two of renovating it so that it was safe for her to live in. Christmas was coming in two days. The new mattresses I ordered were being delivered, but were running late. There were a million things that all needed doing and I was struggling to juggle everything.

Then I got a call from the nursing home that my grandmother didn't have much time left.

She had been slipping away little by little all week and I had increased my visits from twice a week... to daily... to multiple times a day once she stopped eating over the weekend. At that point there was nothing I could do except make sure that she wasn't suffering, so that's what I did. She meant the world to me, and I was grateful that I was in a position where I could look out for her. When I stopped by on my way to work that morning she was resting comfortably thanks to the morphine that was being regularly administered. I thought it was going to be a day just like the day before.

And it was.

Until it wasn't.

After I got the call I dropped everything and ran to the nursing home. There I met with the hospice nurse who said that the staff should have explained that she was in her last stages, yes, but it could be hours yet before she passed. She assured me that it was safe for me to go back to work and that she would call if grandma started to pass.

After work I checked in on mom. Then ran back to check on grandma. Then continued going back and forth. Once mom had settled in for the night, I turned on all the security cameras and decided I'd spend the night at the nursing home and keep tabs on mom remotely.

I was all alone.

As I had been all along.

Nobody would be helping me keep watch. Nobody ever helped. Nobody wanted to be there at the end. Not even me. Because watching somebody you love die is tough. But there was no way I'd be leaving her alone. She would never have left me alone.

So it was just me holding my grandmother's hand and talking to her as she lay slowly fading away.

Earlier that month a friend had known I was struggling and forwarded me an article from Esquire titled The Friend. It's about a guy who's young wife was dying from cancer and how a friend moved in for two years to help him take care of his wife and two daughters. It was a beautiful and touching story that was meant to bring me comfort. But all I could think about was how the author of the article had a friend willing to help but I had nobody.

Which begs the question... How can life have a happy ending when you're dead at the end of it?

It wasn't until years later that I happened across the article again while preparing for my mom's death that I managed to truly appreciate it. Even though I was all alone. Again. I read the article so many times that I practically had it memorized. That's how much it meant to me.

Needless to say, I was a little excited when I read that the article was being made into a movie...

And this past weekend I finally watched it because it was free with Amazon Prime.

And it was fantastic. Really did the original article justice, which was surprising to me for some reason. And the performances were better than you could even hope for.

Fast-forward to tonight.

Gwendoline Christie has a small part in Our Friend. It's wonderful. And it's haunted me ever since I saw the movie. So I pulled it up on Amazon Prime so I could rewatch her scenes.

I knew I'd be watching the movie again... but I also knew that I couldn't watch it again right away. It's just too exhausting. But here I am. Turns out it was impossible to just watch one small part of it without being compelled to watch the whole thing all over again.

So, yeah, if you've got Amazon Prime, it's worth a look.

   

Helsinki Inception is Helception

Posted on July 12th, 2021

Dave!You know how you don't hear about something for an awfully long time... then all of a sudden it's popping up everywhere and it freaks you out a little bit because it feels like some kind of conspiracy or something?

My most recent experience with this is Helsinki.

I don't think I remember hearing about the city since I was there eight years ago. It just doesn't come up that often here in these United States for some reason. But then a Facebook friend posted a about a trip he took there a while back, and now it's everywhere. From an architectural show which looked at some structures there I saw on Saturday... to a mention about the Hard Rock Cafe there this morning... I keep seeing Helsinki pop up over and over again. And I'm like, what is the universe trying to tell me?

That I should go back? Because despite loving my short time there, I don't know that I had ever considered returning when there are so many other places I'm dying to visit.

But now I'm like... maybe?

I regret not having taken a ferry or cruise or some kind of boat to some of the hundreds (thousands?) of islands off the coast, so perhaps this is an invitation?

Or maybe I'm supposed to move there?

Who knows? The universe can be annoyingly vague sometimes.

Most times.

Stupid universe.

   

Over The Mountains. Again.

Posted on July 8th, 2021

Dave!This was supposed to be a week of vacation, but work kind of snowballed until it got to the point where I was only partly on vacation. But this afternoon I am off until Saturday, and a night with friends over the mountains is just what I want to do with my time off. It's exactly what I want to do with my time off.

Time to start up a game of Fibbage...

What's amazing is that I could probably actually listen to the Fibbage 3 theme song for ten hours straight!

   

Icicle Balls, Part Two

Posted on July 6th, 2021

Dave!I honestly didn't think I would end up floating the river again today given all the work that's piled up... but I finally said "What the heck" and went along anyways. I am supposed to be on vacation, after all.

And the weather was just absurdly gorgeous.

Which has resulted in my getting some nice color on me so I don't look so much like a ghost. The only problem is that it makes my molten metal scars really, really noticeable...

White splotches on my tan hand.

But, hey, chicks dig scars, and I can say that I got them fighting a T-1000 Terminator! So I guess it’s all good?

Anyway... back on the river again, which I swear has dropped a foot from yesterday...

Me floating the river.

The deer was back. Or probably it was a different deer...

A deer munching on some greenery.

One of my favorite parts of stopping along the river for a break is running into people who bring their dogs along...

A puppy in a life vest at my feet.

These little puppers were almost more lifejacket than dog!

Two puppies in life vests.

And now? Time to collapse into a puddle of sunshine. Hope y'all are having a good Summer!

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Icicle Balls, Part One

Posted on July 5th, 2021

Dave!I was supposed to be out of a job, but then ended up not out of a job, so this week of vacation I had scheduled for myself has been weirdly un-vacation-like. I work in the mornings, then try to get together with friends in the afternoons to partake in all the big-time Summer Fun.

This afternoon was spent floating down the Icicle River into the Wenatchee River. It's a relaxing, lazy 3-1/4 mile journey with beautiful scenery and beer-soaked memories...

Me floating down the river.

Me floating down the river.

Now, as you might expect from something with "Icicle" in the name... the water is cold. As in COLD-COLD. It's all snow melt and since snow is cold the water is icy. Like an icicle. Hence the name. When you first flop down into your tube, there's a definite shock as your balls do their best to retreat into your body cavity for warmth. Fortunately, after a few minutes, you're completely numb and not feeling much of anything.

The sun beating down on you also helps... as I discovered later this evening...

My legs looking beet-red.

Guess I didn't apply enough sun screen?

Oh well. It was a lovely float, and I even got to see deer and duckies!

A deer on the side of the river.

Duckies in the river.

Not a bad way to spend an afternoon. Except now I have to go back to work. ON VACATION.

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