Is it just me, or has hope for the future dropped to an all-time low?

It's not just one thing, it's everything. Everywhere you turn, there's bad news. I was going to recap with some examples, but I don't want to depress everybody even more than they probably are. Starting with myself.

I thought I would make myself feel better with some retail therapy, but the thought of buying something I don't need and can't afford... then having to pay the credit card bill... doesn't make me think that it would make me feel any better.

So instead I watched last night's episode of The Traitors (US version) and ate a bag of Bugles corn snacks for dinner.

Probably should have bought a fifth of Jack Daniels.

For the last couple of days I have been having allergy problems. Which is bizarre to me because I never have noticeable allergies in January. They always hit me in March and April when new plants arrive... then again in September and October when everything is dying. Summer and Winter are blissfully allergy-free.

But then I went to put the garbage cans back and walked around my yard.

Only to find that there are flowers which never died. And greens are popping up everywhere...

This could be very, very bad for us.

We haven't had snow this year. Any sprinkling we get disappears in short order. The hillsides are bare. The mountains aren't covered nearly enough. This is looking like drought for us this Summer, which means high water prices, rationing, dead lawns, and other problems I don't even want to think about.

Meanwhile... a winter storm of scary proportions is about to hit everywhere from New York to Texas.

Climate change is not cool, yo. Not cool at all.

I've been burning the candle at both ends for months, and it's starting to catch up to me. In one of life's cruel ironies, I get so tired lately that I can't sleep. I start yawning and yawning, so I go to bed... then am wide awake.

And so I run through my social media pages looking for something to distract my mind from all the things that are running through my head that I should be focusing on that's keeping me from falling asleep.

And that's when I reached this...

I laughed out loud, which was a real bummer for my cats who were sleeping next to me.

Jake was a little upset, but quickly fell back asleep.

Jenny, on the other hand, glared at me for far longer than was comfortable, then left in a huff.

Until 4:20am, at which point she got her revenge.

I used to pride myself on keeping up with current events around the world. But lately I just don't have the mental fortitude to see what new horrific shit is going on. It seems to get worse by the day, and the added anxiety would probably push me over the edge.

I slept horribly last night. Tossed and turned and didn't fall asleep until well after midnight. Jenny woke me up a little after 6:00am, and I ended up petting her until it was her breakfast time at 7:00am. After that I went back to bed so I could read some documentation for work and... somehow dropped off to sleep again, and didn't wake up until nearly 10:00am?? That's something that just doesn't happen to me. When I wake up, that's it. I'm awake for the duration. But not this morning...

Nearly eight hours sleep? That's very rare. Any more I feel lucky if I can get five or six!

Then I somehow ended up falling down a rabbit hole of shelter dog adoption videos. Like this one...

And this one...

And this one...

And then I listened to Martin Luther King Jr. speak, amazed as always how his words are more relevant than ever, then got back to work while listening to a podcast called Why this song? which talks to the artists behind popular songs. It started with Hold Me Now by the Thompson Twins, which is one of my favorite tracks of all time. Good stuff.

I've given myself permission to just not give a fuck any more.

Want to eat ice cream for breakfast every morning? Go for it. Want to have burgers after work every day? Go for it. Don't feel like cleaning the house for a month? Forget about it. Want to spend the extra money to get the name brand cereal instead of the cheaper store brand version? Whatever. I am just not giving a fuck about what I should be doing because the world is on fire and it just doesn't matter any more.

But it gets better.

I am not engaging with the dumbass boot-licking pieces of shit supporting this country sliding into a toxic shithole fascist state. If what they can easily see with their own eyes isn't enough to convince them to question what they're being told to believe... why waste my time and energy? It's not going to make a lick of difference. You can't compete with willful ignorance.

So I'm just... not... any more.

And I just don't give a fuck. Nor do I give a fuck what other people think about it.

Last night after work I went out to eat because it had been a very long day, I was too tired to cook, and I wanted breakfast. And it was wonderful. Perfectly cooked. Perfectly seasoned. I couldn't have made it better myself. It was so good that I was able to overlook the cost, which was expensive. But no more expensive than anything else out there now-a-days, which means it was actually a fair price.

Tonight when it was time to go home after another very long day, I was seriously wanting to go out for breakfast again, but didn't want it to get weird, and furthermore didn't have the money to be spending two nights in a row.

Instead I went home and had cereal with toast. Followed by apple sauce and crackers. Followed by freeze-dried strawberries and more crackers.

And I ate all that in the cold.

Can somebody please explain Apple's thinking when Siri's response to "Hey Siri, make it warmer" inevitably ends up being "It's 70° in here and could take a while to warm up. Are you sure you want to make it warmer?"

When I'm cold and want it warmer, what the fuck difference is telling me a number going to make? Is their thinking that I'm going to hear a number and think "Oh. I guess I'm not cold after all! Never mind, Siri!"... because what kind of stupid shit is that?

Likewise, what good does telling me that it could take a while to heat up going to do? Do they honestly believe that I'm going to hear that and say "Oh, if it's going to take a while, just forget it then!"... because that's even more stupid.

JUST MAKE IT FUCKING WARMER LIKE I ASKED! DON'T WASTE MY TIME WITH THIS NONSENSE THAT'S NOT GOING TO CHANGE MY BEING COLD!

This kind of idiotic shit drives me insane. But when it comes to Siri, about all you get is idiotic shit. Siri is 14 years old but, due to how smart everything else is getting smarter while it stays the same, Siri seems to be getting more and more stupid. We were supposed to get an update well over a year ago, but it still hasn't shown up.

What has shown up is a headache, so I guess I'll grab an aspirin and call it an early night.

Assuming my cats don't wake me up because they're cold.

I've been seeing a crazy number of YouTube videos about "Disney Adults." Most always in negative terms... IT'S A CULT! and DISNEY ADULTS ARE STEALING THE DISNEY PARKS FROM CHILDREN! and THESE PEOPLE VOTE! or whatever. To support their thesis, content creators are forever churning out these "in-depth analysis" videos which tries to apply psychology and scientific concepts to the idea that adult fans of Disney are delusional cultish freaks who need to be put down for the good of society. Rude!

I don't mind being called a "Disney Adult." There's nothing wrong with being an adult Disney fan. There's fun Disney things to be had as an adult (and some things definitely not to be had).

What I do mind is being accused of being in a "cult." Something that recently happened in the comments on my cruise post. Which I didn't read until Christmas Day. So Merry fucking Christmas to me.

I'm a massive geek for architecture and design of public spaces. Theme parks are a great expression of both, and I had dreams of becoming a Disney "Imagineer" for ages because of it. Studying how the attractions are made is actually more interesting to me than the attractions themselves. This lead to me having a consulting job piggybacked on Disney in Orlando for several years, and I ended up with friends there. Which is why I end up at Disney World so often, and spend time at their parks, resorts, ships, and whatever. At first it was a place to meet up with friends after work. Then, once my work there ended, it was to hang out with friends I met there. — If I had worked with Betty Crocker, I'd have been in Minnesota all the time and posting about the cakes I was eating while working or hanging out with my friends. But it wasn't Betty Crocker, it was Disney... so I'm in a cult?

I'm a graphic designer who's a huge fan of art, in general, and animation, specifically (there was a time I wanted to be an animator before it all went computer graphics). So, naturally, I watch all the Disney animated movies. But I also watch a ton of other animated stuff. Disney is such a small piece of what I'm interested in... but it's an important one (the news that Disney is toying with the idea of returning to hand-draw animated features definitely has me excited). And because of that... I'm in a cult?

As a fan of art, I have a lot of it hanging in my home. A chunk of it is Disney-related because that's where I've been so many times. I was there for work. I was there for the charity I worked with. I was there to meet up with the friends I made who live in the area. I was there three to five times a year for 17 years. I was given Disney art as gifts. I eventually ended up collecting prints by Disney-related artists like Dave Perillo and Jerrod Maruyama to remind me of my trips. But I also collect non-Disney prints by artists like Chris Ware and original comic book art by artists like Amanda Conner and Curt Swan which also hang in my home. I've also got art I bought from my travels around the world, but because Oswald the Lucky Rabbit is on my wall... I'm in a cult?

Because Disney is such a huge part of my childhood (and the years of work I had), I have a lot of Disney memorabilia displayed in my home. But I also have numerous other pieces of memorabilia from my life which has nothing to do with Disney that's on display. Concert programs, signed records, old tin signs, movie posters... not to mention hundreds of photos of my family friends from over the years. But because I framed the Disneyland map I got as a kid... I'm in a cult?

Alrighty then. Pass me the Kool-Aid, I guess...

The above is most of the souvenirs I have from my very first visit to Disneyland when I was ten years old. I kept it all these decades because my parents bought it for me and I couldn't throw it out. Some of what I had was in pretty rough shape, so I managed to find replacements on eBay in better condition...

You can click the photo to embiggen it... or click on this link right here.

The map, for example, hung in my bedroom for my entire childhood, getting faded and having the corners ripped out from the thumbtacks. It took me years to find a replacement. There's loads and loads of old Disneyland maps out there, but I wanted the one with Mickey, Goofy, and Donald dressed in 1776 fife & drum Americana, because that's what I had as a kid. Eventually eBay listed one from an estate sale and, once I bought it, I decided to get everything framed up. It's fun to look at as I walk into my home and remember back to that visit with my family. And it's interesting too. Because boy Disneyland sure was a very different place back then.

Still don't understand how any of this puts me into a cult.

Maybe I should watch more clickbait videos to find out for sure...

That last video is particularly hilarious, because her fucking SurfShark advertisement is more cringe than anything she's presenting as "cringe" in her "takedown"...

But anyway...

Do I think Disney Adults exist which are problematic? Oh hell yes. I run across them every time I'm anywhere Disney-related. Usually they are "social media influencers" and that's what makes them problematic. It's not that they love Disney, it's that they intrude on other people who are just there to have fun. They hold up lines and block traffic to get a selfie or shoot a video. They take over spaces and experience just to get likes at the expense of other people who are trying to enjoy themselves. People who likely spent a considerable amount of money to be there. It's annoying as hell, and dunking on these assholes is justifiable.

And, sure, there actually are people who build their lives around all things Disney and their entire existence revolves around their next trip to Disney World (or Disney-wherever). And good for them. People should be allowed to follow their bliss, be happy, and escape from the horrors of the world doing whatever is going to make life bearable. You do you. It doesn't affect anybody else. Spend the money you have and the time you have however you want.

Because, I gotta say, there are people building their lives around far worse things than Mickey Mouse.

Like spending their time trashing people who are enjoying their best life at zero cost to others as an "influencer.".

Well, here we go.

The entry where I recap all the things that happened in the year. Except... I just don't do as much interesting stuff anymore. That was a time that passed when I stopped traveling constantly for the charity I volunteered for. Now I just sit at home with my cats most of the time. But, because tradition is tradition, you get what you get...

Finally snapped over faux "Christians" finding a way to use the horrific L.A. fires as fuel to be fucking assholes.

I decided to buy a garage freezer to try and save on insane food costs gone wild.

Found joy in cursive spelling...

I mourned the loss of Farmhouse Mexican Rice, which is a staple in my cooking.

Went to a Valentine party at Disneyland, and completed my Loth-Cat mug collection (I have both Batuu-West and Batuu-East editions)...

Ran across somebody who refreshingly knows how to be funny without punching down on trans persons...

I will never understand parents who are content to let their child die... then double down to say "AND WE'D LET THEM DIE AGAIN!" but here we are...

Fulfilled my lifelong dream of owning a Le Creuset Dutch oven...

Learned that Jake does not like to be interrupted when cleaning his paws...

Paid another visit to Disney's lovely Aulani Hawai‘i resort...

Discovered the sexiest cooking video yet made...

And the most fucking embarrassing video of the most fucking embarrassing parade ever...

Or was this the most fucking embarrassing? It's probably a toss-up...

I learned to be afraid of AI. Be very afraid...

Spent my Summer floatin'...

...and boatin'...

Fell in love with growing my own tomatoes...

I watched the most fun podcast episode of the year, thanks to a very good interview with T-Swift...

Reveled in one of the best super-hero scenes of all time, featuring a super-hero most people have never even heard of in my favorite movie of the year...

Survived the end of the world. Yet again.

Repeated a double-bill concert of Cheap Trick and Heart which I watched... 34 years ago...

Finally realized my dream of drinking around the world (of Epcot) and visiting the new Beak and Barrel Tavern at Walt Disney World's Magic Kingdom...

Took a cruise onboard the Disney Wish...

And, lastly, I said a sad farewell to one of my oldest friends.

Hope everybody has a safe and happy New Year. See you in 2026.

Which is tomorrow, apparently.

I'm steeped in sadness with a broken heart today, but writing my way through it... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

Except it can't just yet.

This blog has been a blessing in so many ways, but the long-term friendships I've gotten from it have been a part of the bedrock upon which my life has been built. Bricks carved from stones that never falter, carrying the load from those which cracked and crumbled to dust. — Regardless of time. Regardless or distance. Regardless of consequence.

One of the biggest rocks in my life was Aaron, whom I first met as Jester from his JesterTunes blog. He was a key member of the "West Coast Blog Mafia" of which I was lucky enough to be a part back in the day.

We became good friends from the start.

And now he's gone.

Of all the people I know, he was the most unapologetically himself at all times, and it was something I couldn't help but admire. I was drawn to him... as most people were who met him. He was a magnet with a big musical talent and an even bigger heart. If you were lucky enough to know him, he made your life better just by being there.

Which is why I'm crushed that he isn't any more.

Except he is.

Because I have so many memories of him which will live on as long as I do. Here is a small sampling of some of my favorites, complete with a link.

At least those I can post publicly!

   
• Tattoo Me! I had wanted a tattoo for 26 years by the time I finally got my first one. Aaron was there to document it...

He was also consulted on my other tattoos. He saved me from a goof in the art I drew up for one of my favorites. This was also the tattoo where I told him that I was hesitant to get it inked because of what other people might think about my cartoony choices. He immediately shot back with "If you're going to care about what other people think, maybe you shouldn't get it then. But you should work on not giving a fuck about what other people think." A life lesson to live by. Then I got the tattoo. Mostly because I wanted it. But also to remind me that life is too short to give a fuck about what other people think.

   
• Thank You For The Music! Aaron lived and breathed music. He was a great singer, and I was lucky to see him perform from time to time...

Jester as Ace Fontana as Ace Frehley — ©2016 by Tananarive Aubert Photography

His greatest gift to me will always be the music he shared which he thought I might like. And I always liked it. He was forever sending me a new artist or song to listen to. And most of it has found its way into my playlists. Yesterday, after I was able to drive again after getting the news, the next song to play was Hey Jane by Low Millions. A group I never would have found if not for Aaron...

I couldn't possibly put into words what a musical influence Aaron was on me. For better or worse. Once he sent me a video by Scissor Sisters, a band I didn't really know. I think I had probably heard a few of their songs, but hadn't really took a dive into the band. Aaron was appalled... "You don't know who Scissor Sisters are?!? You need to fix that." And so I did. And after I made my way through Magic Hour, I texted him that I couldn't wait to hear what they do next. He shot back with "Oh. The band broke up." And I was all "WHY WOULD YOU GET ME HOOKED ON A BAND THAT BROKE UP?!? Last Winter he let me know that I could stop hating him because the band was going on tour, and it might lead to new music.

   
• 1975 Live! Despite the fact that he was living in San Francisco and I was in Central Washington, we managed to get together for a number of concerts. He'd text or call that an act was playing and I'd Venmo the cash for my ticket and fly down to see it. From Walk the Moon to Wrabel to Betty Who, it was a guaranteed fun time seeing a show with Jester. And then there's that time we saw The 1975 live on December 17th, 2015... one of my all-tie favorite bands which, naturally, Aaron discovered for me...

It ended up being one of the best concerts I've ever been to and one of the best experiences I've ever had. And it never would have happened without him.

   
• JesterRolling! Back in the heydey of the blogging trend, one of the things that bloggers did was have a radio show on BlogTalkRadio. Given his phenomenally entertaining personality, Jester's was that one show you could not miss. You tuned in because you had no idea what the heck was going to happen. And one of the best things to happen was "JesterRolling" where Aaron would find some show with no listeners, give everybody the address, then we would all jump over to participate in the show. It was absolute madness. Sometimes it would be heartwarming, where a host would be genuinely touched that all of a sudden 30 people were listening to what they had to say. Sometimes it would be bedlam, where the host was a monumental asshole spouting hate or otherwise being awful. Something Jester never tolerated in real life... and was not afraid to confront on the internet. It was glorious.

I was a guest or caller on the show several times. I had taken one of those stupid internet quizzes where you answer questions and it tells you how gay you are. Turns out I'm 20% gay. Which means I could promote my appearance on the show in interesting ways. Like saying "When you combine my 20% gay fierceness with Jester's 100% gay fierceness, that's 120% gay fierceness all in one radio show, which just might exceed the BlogTalk Radio standards for overall gay fierceness!"

A part of me is sad that BlogTalkRadio shut down in January. It would be fun to listen to some of those old shows again. And yet... a part of me is probably glad that it has shut down, because oh boy.

   
• "Most guys would be pretty upset if another guy grabbed their ass. I'm just glad to know I have options!" Even though I was only 20% gay and probably not qualified to intrude on those spaces... having gay friends means I end up in a lot of gay places. But only with Aaron did it end up being educational. There's few things Jester loved more than regaling me with the more, ahem, "interesting" aspects of gay life and gay culture. Probably to get my reaction, which was usually a mixture of shock and awe. Even though the absolute last thing anybody should be when hanging out with him is shocked. Once we went to a good bye party for a mutual blogging friend at a gay bar in The Castro called "Hi Tops" (home of cold pitchers and hot catchers!). We were talking at the bar while waiting on our drinks when I suddenly said "Oh!" mid-sentence because one of the waiters grabbed my ass as he rounded the end of the bar. Jester thought this was hilarious, and reminded me of it. Often. Once he took me to a gay bar down the street from a restaurant where we were early for our reservation. After we ordered, he told the waiter "Feel free to grab his ass when you come back. He's straight, but he likes it." He was forever doing things like that. One of the times we met up in Vegas, we were in a shopping plaza on an escalator where he started rubbing my back and saying loudly all the things he wanted to do to me when we got back to the hotel room. I don't know if he was trying to embarrass me or shock the people around us. It could have been both. It was probably both. Oh come on, this is Jester we're talking about... it was definitely both.

   
• If you come to San Francisco! I couldn't count the number of times I ended up hanging with Aaron in The City By The Bay. I often had work there, and Aaron lived in nearby Oakland. Most times, it was dinner or drinks (more likely, both) but we also did a lot of other things there too. Like visit The Walt Disney Family Museum...

Or driving north to Marin so we could visit Point Reyes and pick out a pumpkin for his Halloween decorating...

Most of the time, we would meet up in San Francisco. But we actually met in a lot of places. We met in Las Vegas for Certified Princess Cher & her husband Nis's second wedding...

We met in San Diego for the DaveDiego meet-up...

Then in San Diego again for his 40th birthday party...

And we even met in Seattle for a concert once.

   
• i/o! The last time I saw Jester in person was when he flew to Seattle with his partner Henry and his brother Seth to take me to the Peter Gabriel i/o tour two years ago...

I would chat with Aaron after that night, of course. But I didn't know it would be the last time I'd see him. If I did, I would have done more than just hug him goodbye. I would have told him how much he has meant to me all these many years. I would have thanked him for the multitude of memories he's responsible for which have brought such joy to my life. I would have told him that I loved him and my life would be poorer if he weren't in it. I would have said so many things that you can only say to somebody who really means something to you.

Instead I just have to hope that he knew what he meant to me.

Aaron was loved by so many people. And being his friend put you in a far from an exclusive club because he has so many of them. But he had a way of making you feel like you were his only friend on this earth. I will miss that about him. I will miss my friend more than I can say.

I put this post in a Bullet Sunday entry because I met Aaron through blogging and it seemed the most Blogography way to talk about him. The problem being that there's just so much I could say that these bullets could have gone on for pages and pages. But eventually the bullet points have to end, just like they always do.

Eventually, you have to say goodbye, even though you really don't want to.

Today I was driving back home from my holiday across the mountains when I got a phone call that was a punch in the gut so unexpected that I had to pull off the road because driving a car became a foreign concept in my head.

And then, after ten minutes to mostly get my head on straight, I was off again...

Because this is the only major East-West route left across the state (flooding destroyed the other one) and it snowed last night, there was major congestion in places... which meant that a 2-1/2 hour trip took 3-1/2 hours to complete.

But at the end when I finally walked through the door to my home, the trip was worth it because it wasn't just Jake waiting for me... both Jake AND Jenny were waiting for me. Which is strange, because Jenny usually prefers to make sure it's safe before venturing downstairs when anybody walks in the house. Including me.

It was a repeat of when I got back from Florida...

...except this time I really needed it.