Today I took a couple photos with my iPhone, as I do almost every day. It all went well, the photos were nice, and I went on with my life. Then, about an hour later, I picked up my iPhone and it was hot to the touch. That's when I noticed the camera was still running. I exited out of it, assuming it was hot because I accidentally left the camera going. But when I picked up the phone to go home for the day, it was still hot to the touch. So I rebooted it thinking that something was stuck running and off I went.

The reboot did nothing. Furthermore, I saw that my battery level was almost zero. So I ran upstairs and put it on my wireless charger. But when I finally went to bed, I saw that it would charge enough to turn on, run out of charge immediately, then turn off and repeat the cycle over and over and over.

Multiple resets did nothing, probably because it ran out of charge before it could register the reset. So I finally hooked it up (wired) to the most powerful charger I own. This got it charged quickly enough that I was able to shut it down completely before it ran out of power. And when I woke up, it was back to normal.

At which point I realized that I left a malfunctioning phone plugged in all night.

I'm lucky it didn't explode.

In other news, I think I'm too susceptible to social media marketing.

There's a content creator who operates under What the F Show who has been making some Nerf War skits that have been making me regret giving away my Nerf gun...

And so I spent a whole $7 to order a new one. Just to have on-hand, because sometimes I like shooting random visitors to my house with a Nerf dart.

Plus I'll feel safer at night knowing that I'm armed.

Good news, everyone! I have water again! Sunday the pressure was so low as to be non-existent, but I put a pot under the spout and turned the water on all day. Then around dinner time I had just enough water collected to boil pasta so I could have be some butternut squash ravioli in browned butter with crispy-fried sage. Something I've been wanting since I bought everything for it the previous Sunday.

It was pretty delicious...

Today I had to get my car serviced. Before I could even sit down, I had a text providing me a link to tracking the progress on my car. That's nice, I thought.

It sat in the shop for FORTY-FIVE MINUTES before they got around to it. My appointment was at 2:15. They finally started at 3:00...

Then they managed to get the inspection and oil change done in fifteen minutes, which means their time estimate of "about an hour" was correct in the end. But... dang...

The wait was made worse by a guy in the waiting room watching videos on his phone... WITHOUT USING HEADPHONES... which made the entire wait a horrific experience. Why are assholes so rude like this in public? Because they're assholes, I guess.

After that blight on my day, I went grocery shopping, picked up kitty litter at Petco, and grabbed an ice cream cone at the drive-through before heading home.

Where I had water again, thank heavens. Pasta for everyone!

When it comes to a cruise, anything less than 3 nights doesn't feel worth it... and anything more than 7 nights feels too long to be trapped on a big boat. My cruise was 5 nights, which is just about perfect. But that's not to say that I was happy about disembarking. Oh heck no. I would have gladly stayed onboard for those two extra nights. Bet.

Since they kick you off the ship early in the morning, most people just book a trip home that same day. I usually do not, preferring to stay an extra night at a hotel. It beats having to spend a big chunk of the day waiting for my flight at the airport. And, even more importantly, this time the cost to fly out the same day was significantly more expensive than waiting for some reason.

So... off to Fort Lauderdale Beach for a bit.

To drink seven mojitos of various flavors. Yes, seven...

The place was The Salty Sombrero, which I highly recommend. Great food, great drinks, great service, great view...

My room also had a great view, but it didn't have somebody serving me fresh mojitos all day...

But of course the beach is always better when you're not having to look at it through a window...

And that was it. All that was left to fly home the next morning...

Oh Florida, don't ever change.

Yesterday I went over arguably my favorite things about the Disney Destiny... the themed lounges. But, like the other ships in their line, there's a lot of great theming throughout the entire ship. The overall theme is "Heroes and Villains" and most everything is geared around the concept.

For one thing, the regular staterooms can be decorated with either Hercules, Mulan, Brave, Raya, The Incredibles, or Big Hero 6. Mine was Herc...

Hercules is easily the most prominent character on the ship. He's everywhere...

A neighbor was a pretty big Herc fan and decorated their door accordingly...

And his biggest moment is a live stage show that's remarkably well-done. Easily my favorite of any Disney onboard theater show I've seen, with next-level performances. I liked it so much I saw it twice. And I don't even like Broadway...

But villains have a moment too. One of the "big gets" onboard (in addition to the Cruella show I talked about yesterday) is a magic show by Dr. Facilier in his parlor (and I was sure to tell him that he got robbed because he wasn't in the Tiana's Bayou Adventure ride, and he refused to acknowledge the attraction)...

Maleficent had her own show, and appears in various places around the ship in art and furnishings...

Black Panther is the atrium sculpture, but Loki is the one with his own show...

Most cruise ships do their level best to keep you well-fed and entertained, and Disney is no exception. They've got it all. Including... BABY RACING?!?

Gotta tell you... there were a lot of people on their feet screaming at babies to crawl to the finish line. I honestly don't know if that's a good thing or bad thing. Probably a good thing.

Except for the trauma of being disqualified because you walked instead of crawled.

Come aboard... it's your Destiny!

I've now been on four Disney ships. The Magic and its twin ship The Wonder... and The Wish, and now it's twin ship The Destiny. The former pair are significantly smaller and more intimate than the latter, but all Disney ships (regardless of size) have the impeccable service and theming you'd expect.

The Destiny is a carbon copy of The Wish which I sailed on last December, but a few of the areas have been changed. Most notably, instead of Star Wars: Hyperspace Lounge you get Haunted Mansion Parlor and instead of Nightingale's you get DeVil's and instead of Tiana's The Bayou you get Doctor Strange's The Sanctum and instead of Arendelle: A Frozen Dining Adventure you get The Pridelands: A Lion King Dining Adventure. And, I gotta say, the Destiny versions are in every way superior. So let's take a look at them, shall we?

I was more than a little disappointed in Star Wars: Hyperspace Lounge because it seemed superficial in its theming. But Haunted Mansion Parlor is another matter entirely. It's brilliantly, beautifully, abundantly themed in every way...

The bar has a magical mirror behind it where ghosts and spirits appear. Including Madame Leota...

The fish tank at the center of the room has skeletal fish appearing and disappearing, and it's a very cool effect...

The portraits on the wall are magical things which change over time and even come to life...

As if that wasn't enough, the drinks are fantastic...

   
DeVil's is a piano bar with an appearance by Cruella herself, and involves you writing a song to honor her with an audience participation angle that's genius. If there's a must-do experience which is 100% worth standing in line for an hour to get into, this is it...

The drinks are pretty amazing too...

   
Doctor Strange's The Sanctum doesn't really have the theming you'd hope for, but the bartenders here were exceptional, and I made repeat visits just to chat with them...

If there's a misstep, for me it would be The Pride Lands: Feast of the Lion King. Probably because I was expecting a show which featured the amazing costumes from Julie Taymor's broadway production... but it was just singing. Great singing, for sure, but that's it...

This is all just the tip of the iceberg. And why a Disney cruise is worth your valuable time to explore.

I could have easily spent another day in South Beach, but it's almost impossible to visit Miami without a trip to Little Havana. Not just because it's a vibrant neighborhood with an impeccable vibe and awesome music oozing out of every nook and cranny... but because it's an awesome place to wander.

I love it here...

Lunch was at Cubata, a phenomenal restaurant which is a kinda Cuban/Spanish fusion place with incredible tapas to be had. I would have had a drink at the Hard Rock Cafe, but the pig fucking assholes were closed for a "private event"...

I will never, ever fucking understand how a restaurant chain which strives to be a destination event which practically demands that you visit as many as you can will close the entire fucking place without warning. It's happened to me more than a couple times, and it's one of the big reasons I no longer give a shit if I ever visit another one after having been to 172 of them around the world.

And then it was time to return to South Beach, where adorable robots have taken over the city...

One thing's for sure, it was a beautiful day at the beach...

Sadly, it was also my last day at the beach.

I was going to keep blogging while I was on vacation, but it was tough to find the mental strength to pull out my computer knowing all the horrific shit going on in the country and the world. So I left it in my bag. Sorry to my friends who might have thought something horrible happened to me. Sorry to my haters that I wasn't dead this whole time. Better luck next time.

But anyway...

Thanks to an opportunity too good to be true, I found myself heading back to Florida for a Disney cruise. This time on the brand new Disney Destiny. It's basically a re-theme of the Disney Wish, where some of the lounges, restaurants, and shows have been changed. But most everything is pretty much the same.

But I had a couple days in Miami before boarding the ship, so let's start there, shall we?

I've never sat down and made a list of my favorite American cities but, if I did, the South Beach neighborhood of Miami would most certainly be on that list. I have been extremely fortunate enough to have visited multiple times and have always wished I could have stayed longer. This time was no exception.

Whether it's the architecture, the food, or the vibe... South Beach has it all. But, to me, especially the architecture. And especially at night...

Before my late-night walk down Ocean Drive, I took the opportunity to eat at my favorite restaurant in town, Havana 1957. They have a Garden Cuban Salad with a cilantro dressing that will kill you... and a darn good SUPER MOJITO!

If only there was one of these down the street from my house.

NEWSFLASH: RFK Jr. plans to curb antidepressants, which he falsely compares to heroin.

I've had crippling anxiety since I was 17. I know the age because I can remember the first anxiety-fueled attack I had with crystal clarity. Couldn't breathe. Felt like I was dying. Didn't know what was happening. Couldn't put a coherent thought together. At the time I thought I was having a heart attack. Everything was dialed to 11 and I was in quite a lot of pain.

Not knowing what was happening, mom took me to the doctor. We were told that it was a "panic attack" and I would be fine once I calmed down. Which I did. But I was still so rattled the next day that I still didn't feel like myself. The best word I can think of to describe my condition is... scrambled.

I have no idea what triggered the attack. Whatever it was probably disappeared as I was trying to deal with it all.

A couple times a year I'd get hit again, but it was never as intense as the first time. Probably because I understood what was happening to me. Though it could still get pretty bad. It's called crippling anxiety for a reason. It incapacitates you and you literally can't function.

Eventually I visited Thailand and looked to make some changes in my life. I started meditating, and that allowed me to manage my anxiety fairly well. I did have to run to initial care a couple times over the years for help, but I was never put on any medication.

Until I was.

Caring for a parent with dementia drove up my anxiety levels every single day, and it just kept getting worse and worse and worse. Far worse than it ever had been. No amount of meditation would touch it. And the fact that I was being incapacitated meant I couldn't care for my mom... let alone myself. Which probably made things even worse.

And so... my doctor ran me through the SSRI gauntlet, where you keep trying different options until something works. Or at least makes life with anxiety manageable. And we hit it on the third try.

I stayed on the pills until three or four months after my mom passed, when I slowly started to get my life back together and go back to meditating to control my stress and anxiety. It wasn't a cold-turkey halting of the drugs. It was a medically-controlled tapering off so that the side-effects don't get too awful. And, despite the FUCKING BULLSHIT NONSENSE BEING VOMITED OUT OF RFK JR.'S STUPID, IGNORANT, ANTI-SCIENCE, PIECE OF SHIT FUCKING ASSHOLE... it wasn't harder than "quitting heroin." Or, if it was, quitting heroin must be a fucking cake-walk, because it was no problem at all. My doctor gave me a schedule and advised me how to do it safely and, after a while, I was done. Back to practicing my meditation.

And then, seven years later, I was at work trying to deal with too much and there it was... an anxiety attack so bad that I was in my car thinking I was dying. All my muscles were so tight that I thought I was going to pass out from the pain. I was jumping out of my skin. My hands and feet were frozen and my fingers were bent back, leaving me clawing at my chest. I would have started screaming, but I couldn't breathe. I don't think that I passed out, but maybe I did. I honestly don't remember.

I didn't mess around. The minute I was able to pick up my phone and dial, I was calling for an emergency appointment with my doctor. YOU KNOW, THE ONLY PERSON QUALIFIED TO GIVE ME FUCKING MEDICAL ADVICE.

Given the severity of the attack, it was decided I would try some milder doses of SSRIs to see if that would allow me to get back to being able to function again.

It did not.

I was spiraling so often so quickly that I went right back to the drug which worked the best for me the first time. From there I worked myself from one pill to three per night. But slowly. Because the side-effects are horrible. Mostly revolving around explosive diarrhea from morning to night... and sometimes in the middle of the night.

Eventually things evened out. And my life started to feel like my own again. Which is to say that my life started to feel like most everybody else's does. Which is to say that any anxiety I'm experiencing is manageable. I don't get so overwhelmed that I can no longer function and am trying to scream while struggling to breathe.

After five or so months when things started to normalize for me, I worked my way down from three pills to two. Two pills to one. And then I was going to go back to zero when I decided that I just didn't fucking want to. I'm old enough now that I simply do not want to spend any more of what little time I have left struggling with my anxiety. I'm done with it. So I met with my doctor and explained where my head was at. He was happy that I had taken the initiative to reduce from three pills to one pill safely (I'd been through it before), and agreed with my reasoning. His training led him to believe I was better off where I was at, so he supported my decision. Medically.

And so...

Every night I take a small yellowish-peachy pill called Paxil.

Then I thank God that Paxil exists and my doctor exists so I can have a normal life that's not being ruled by something I can't control. With that pill I can manage. I can cope. I can be me. And I don't have to live in terror of an anxiety attack appearing out of nowhere and sending my life spiraling...

So fuck RFK Jr. and his stupid ignorant shit. Fuck him sideways.

I have no doubt that there are doctors who over-prescribe. I have no doubt that there are people who are abusing SSRIs. And, yeah, addressing that is probably a good idea. But for RFK Jr. to feel that he gets to overrule my doctor and unilaterally purge/reduce SSRIs for whatever stupid-ass reason (RFK Jr. being somebody who, I'll remind you, has no fucking training for this shit)... well, he can go fuck himself.

I am not going back to where I was when there's a perfectly suitable, perfectly safe, medically-sound, scientifically-studied solution available to me.

And some fascist junkie asshole with no medical training and not a lick of sense in his fucking brain-worm-riddled head has any fucking business telling me otherwise.

I was quite young when I realized my "mind's eye" is blind.

Unlike the majority of people who can "see" stuff in their head, I do not. When I try to close my eyes and envision a red apple, I see only darkness. The closest I can get is to think about a red apple and describe it's attributes to myself while seeing absolutely nothing.

This condition is called "aphantasia."

And if you're wondering what I'm talking about, then there's a test you can take to understand it a bit. My answer to every one of the questions is the first one: No image at all, I only know I am thinking of the object. Coupled with this is also a condition called "Severely Deficient Autobiographical Memory" (SDAM). This means that not only can I not envision things in my mind's eye... I also cannot re-experience past events.

An example of SDAM is me thinking back to when I was in Rome and staying at a hotel at the top of the Spanish Steps. I remember trudging up the stairs with a gelato cone. I can remember what the texture and color of the steps were. I can remember the buildings and the people. I haven't forgotten a thing. But when I close my eyes and try to re-live the experience, there's nothing there...

And so... now you know why I take hundreds of pictures whenever I travel somewhere. It's the only way I can visually re-experience what I experienced is to look at the images and videos.

Since I've had this condition since birth (or so I'm guessing), I don't know what I'm missing. I've never experienced it. But I am extremely jealous of people who can. I would love to be able to close my eyes and see my mom's face. Or the places I've been.

Between all this and my mild dyslexia, I'm assuming that my brain damage makes my life a bit less fun than most people's.

This also extends to how I dream.

In that I don't. I'm never having these vivid dreams where I'm flying... or walking on Mars... or whatever. It's always the same. When I'm "dreaming" it's like I'm sitting in front of a screen where I'm "drawing" the objects by description. I'm not actually seeing anything in my head. Which is not much fun at all.

But anyway...

The reason all this popped into my head just now is that J. Craig Venter died.

He's the genius geneticist who was the first to decode a bacteria genome, which lead to a genetics renaissance which culminated in decoding the human genome.

He also had aphantasia...

Rest in Peace, sir.

I bought my car in December 2024. It has never been washed. I park it outside when it rains and don't worry about any dust that accumulates. I just don't care about having a meticulously-maintained car. It's far from a priority in my life. Way down the list.

But then... I parked under a tree where birds ended up shitting all over it. Seriously covered. No amount of rain was going to clean it off. That was embarrassing enough that I relented and went to the carwash.

So now my vehicle is all shiny clean and I've marked my calendar to see if I can go even longer than I did this time before washing. In a day and age when fresh water is a vanishing resource, it seems like a responsible attitude to have!

Or I'm just lazy.

Though at some point, I should probably think about running a vacuum on the inside of it.