Don't go thinking that living on a fucking pancake excuses you from the bullets... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...
• Anscestry! Can confirm. This is how I'm treated everywhere I go in the world where I can loudly announce that I am an American whose family was "originally from here"...
Accurate.
• Conspiracytime! Leave it to Big Tugg to crap all over some of the wackiest conspiracies running...
Don't even ask me how we got here.
• Flerfy Flerf! And speaking of wacky conspiracy bullshit, a bunch of flat earthers were invited to Antarctica to personally verify that the sun doesn't set in December because we're, in fact, on a fucking globe. Having been to Antarctica in the month of December, I can indeed verify that the sun does not set. BECAUSE WE'RE ON A FUCKING GLOBE. The flerfers fell over themselves to reject the invitation, but three of them actually went. You can track them and watch the videos right now! — As amusing as it is to ship dipshit flerfers to Antarctica, you could have saved the money had just had them replicate this experiment, which took a whole minute to perform... and is just as hilarious to watch...
Unreal how we had all this shit figured out before the birth of Christ, but here we are going backwards.
• Dooooon! Yikes. HBO Max... WTF happened? Dune Prophecy was going SO well, but last week we got a turd in the punchbowl? Nothing happened! Everything that was set up gets negated by Desmond pulling a Professor X in the most boring way possible. This episode could have been 10 minutes long! Could the characters BE any less compelling this week? Even Mother Superior was a snooze! =yawn= I made this graphic, but didn't post it because I thought we might be going through a calm-before-the-storm kinda situation...
But NOPE! This week's episode was also boring as fuck, providing a reveal as to the identity of Desmond Hart that was about the least-shocking "twist" in a show that I've ever seen. Who he was got telegraphed way in advance, and I cannot imagine anybody not seeing this coming from a mile away. Which is to say that even if to say they totally stick the landing, the show is going to be pretty meh to me.
• HIM! Honest to God I don't understand how A Flock Of Seagulls was relegated to one-hit-wonder status. Some of my favorite tracks came long after I Ran was released. And here they are, still killing it. This is a great throwback track...
Sure it's repetitive, but it's darn snappy.
• We Care! NEWSFLASH: Diabetic groom-to-be dies after taking cheaper insulin to pay for wedding — Fuck this fucking country's fucking inability to understand how our "health care" system doesn't care about anything but making insurance executives wealthy. We're literally killing ourselves rather than taking insurance out of the equation and just letting our money go towards care directly.
• Real Men Don't Eat the Shit! I don't have dairy in my house any more because I try to eat vegan at home and save dairy as a treat when I'm out, but this morning I had to bake a quiche, so I bought some eggs and milk on Friday (to go with the cheese I got on Thursday). While I went into the office I had a panic attack because I left my $7 carton of eggs on the front seat. Eggs seems like something that people would break into my car and steal! On the plus-side, the lady at the market opened the carton to check them all, then put a rubber band on them for safety ("They tend to hop out of the carton now that they're $7.00!")...
Fortunately... the eggs were still there when I got off work!
And now back to living on our globe earth, already in progress.
I didn't grow up eating "exotic" foods. Which is not a criticism... so many memories of meals I loved growing up. One of my favorites was my mom's Spanish rice. I can remember watching her make it, but I have no idea what was in it. It wasn't at all spicy (which was perfect for me at the time) but it had a deliciously tomato sauce taste that was great. I have tried dozens of recipes for "Spanish rice" over the years, but have never duplicated the taste that's burned into my brain. Maybe one day.
Once I became a vegetarian in 1986 my meal options were radically reduced. The majority of foods I ate were meat-based, and finding alternatives was a never-ending pursuit (such as using rice instead of beef in tacos). Ultimately I had a very small set of foods that I kept coming back to over and over.
But then I started traveling quite a bit.
Suddenly I was exposed to all kinds of vegetarian foods I had never eaten before. Heck, many of them I had never heard of before. One of the most important to come along? Falafel. I fell in love with it instantly, and have been eating it constantly ever since. It was an introduction to spices I'd never had, and over the years I've made my food spicier and spicier. Using more and different spices I come across. Now I've got quite a collection...
And while I bought falafel mixes to start, now I make my own spicy falafel that I love...
But because you have to soak the chickpeas overnight (canned doesn't hold together, you have to start from dried). So a lot of times I found myself craving falafel I wasn't able to make it. Which is why I now freeze the stuff in bags so I can fry it up any time...
I don't have money to spend for Black Friday this year, but I'm going to try and find a vacuum sealer so that freezer burn doesn't reduce the life of my frozen falafel because of freezer burn.
Though I do make it spicy, so a little freezer burn probably won't be noticed.
As it should be.
Now that the heat is on at my house, I am warm enough to blog again... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...
• Poh-Tay-Toh! One of my favorite YouTube series is the Epicurious Pro Chefs Taste Tests. I obsess over them because the chefs they get are always great. But my favorite is Jack Logue because he's kinda a void for most of the video... but when he likes something, you know it because he breaks on it. When he finds fries he likes, it's pretty great...
I waffle between Lamb Weston and McCain Foods USA depending on what's on sale, so it's good to know I'm buying the best. Though, to be honest, I am badly addicted to McCain Hashbrown Patties and tend to eat them over fries now-a-days. If you like cooking videos, these are worth a look.
• The Oven Bakes Again! My replacement oven arrived and it's very much like my old oven with the same basic features. But it does have one very big difference I love. The stovetop is a solid sheet! No gap filled with rubber to collect crumbs and gunk! It'll be so easy to keep clean!
Other than that, it's an oven. It'll be nice to be able to bake bread again.
• The Bold Failure of Kohler! I really hate having messy hands in the kitchen while cooking and needing to turn on the faucet, then getting the faucet all gunked up. So when I remodeled my kitchen, I bought a fancy touchless faucet and paid a plumber to install it. Four-and-a-half years later, and the "touchless" part of my "Bold Look of Kohler" failed. I was going to swtich brands, but stuck with Kohler so I wouldn't have to pay to have it installed. Instead I could use most of what was already under the cabinet, and just replace the main faucet part. The model I had isn't made any more, so I bought one that was similar. And of course Kohler changed everything, meaning I had to start over from scratch any way. And it was more difficult this time because they made some stupid fucking design decisions. Oh well. Saved myself $500 in installation charges I don't have after buying a new oven and a new touchless faucet.
• Thunderbolts*! I haven't been this excited for a Marvel Studios movies film since Avengers: Endgame. This looks great!
• Cap! And this?!? Also looks very cool!
• Star Wars Trilogy Redux! Simon Kinberg has been put in charge of writing a new trilogy of Star Wars movies. And I'm like Simon Kinberg? Hmmm. I mean, he did write gems like Mr. & Mrs. Smith and co-created Star Wars: Rebels... but he's got LOADS of absolute shit on his résumé as well. X-Men: The Last Stand? SHIT! Jumper? TOTAL SHIT! This Means War? SHIT! Fant4stic Four? HEINOUS PILES OF SHIT ON SHIT! X-Men: Apocalypse? ASPIRES TO BE SHIT! X-Men: Dark Phoenix? CAN ONLY DREAM OF BEING AS GOOD AS COPIOUS PILES OF SHIT! — Ugh. This does not sound promising at all. If I am confident of one thing, Kathleen Kennedy is going to continue her streak of shitty fucking Star Wars films. I still marvel that Rogue One and Solo managed to turn out as well as they did given how the sequel trilogy and the last Indiana Jones movie were mostly SHIT! And while I've enjoyed the Star Wars television shows, only Andor is quality enough that I can honestly say I love it. The rest have great moments, but don't satisfy as a whole. The Book of Boba Fett, Obi-Wan, Ahsoka, and The Acolyte could have been SO much better. And last season of The Mandalorian is tired. I sincerely hope that movie doesn't suck.
• ! Speaking of some of the best Star Wars ever, the second season of Andor has been given a start date: April 22, 2025. So long to go. But I'm confident it will be worth the wait. The first season is some of the best television I've ever seen.
And now I should probably climb in bed and try to get some sleep since I totally failed at it last night.
I may have finally turned the heat on to make my cats happy, but never fear, I still have money left to blog... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...
• Bread! Yesterday I baked a loaf of bread for a neighbor, but since my oven is broke I had to make it one of those flat loaves and bake it in my toaster over. It turns out pretty great, all things considered. But then all I could think of was freshly-baked bread, so I checked to see if my starter was good to go, and...
Bread for me today. Except I actually made rolls, because I figured it would be easier to make sliders or little sandwiches that way. =sigh= I sure hope that there's some really good deals on ovens for Black Friday... or, more likely, for President's Day. I want to be able to bake stuff again.
• Winner Winner! My favorite game show is Pyramid (which started as The $10,000 Pyramid). I remember watching it with my mom when I was a kid, though I think by then it was The $25,000 Pyramid
What's surprising to me is that even though you know all of these runs are winning runs, it's still stressful! There's some great players on here. Noticeably missing is Rachel Dratch, who is spooky-good at the game...
I kinda wish there was a way to play that game for everyday people. I mean, sure, they've made home versions over the years, but it's not the same experience as pairing up with a celebrity on a show stage with an audience and playing. Guess I'll just have to apply one day or something.
• And Speaking of Game Shows... There's loads of game shows out of the UK that I obsess over. The two most notable being Taskmaster and 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown. Absolutely nobody does game shows like the Brits when they are celebrity competitions. Nobody. Since there's no real contestants and just famous people having a laugh, it gets absolutely bonkers, and is so much fun to watch. Take for example...
I don't know why we don't do more of this kind of thing on our side of the pond.
• Early Days! Somebody shared this video of gymnast Ian Gunther asking other gymnasts he's performing with to sign a photo for him... but it's not a current photo, it's a photo of them when they were young...
The reactions are priceless. I love stuff like this.
• Stranger Things! Doctor Strange: The Multiverse of Madness grossed nearly a billion dollars worldwide and had a brilliant teaser for a sequel when Clea showed up in the post-credits scene. But the most exciting part? Somehow they got frickin' Charlize Theron to play Clea!
So where is Doctor Strange 3 on the development slate? We keep hearing about new Avengers movies, new Spider-Man movies and the like... but no sequel to a near-billion dollar film that people are dying to see? Is Kevin Feige still in charge at Marvel Studios? What's going on there?
• And speaking of the Marvel Cinematic Universe and Doctor Strage... You can't put this much thought into super-hero movies...
Wanda was done pretty dirty. I mean, yeah, I get it... kinda compelling to have an innocent hero get corrupted in a way that makes them become a villain. And Wanda did turning to The Darkhold would only speed up that process. But come on! The Scarlet Witch has been abused to death in the MCU, and it's beyond bizarre that they don't seem to be interested in redemption for the character. I keep hoping that this will be rectified... maybe it will happen in the Vision Quest mini-series... but the longer they wait the more it seems like nobody cares.
• NEWS: A Pregnant Teenager Died After Trying to Get Care in Three Visits to Texas Emergency Rooms! So much blood on these asshole's hands, and yet NONE OF THEIR SUPPORTERS GIVE A SHIT! This country hates women. HATES them. Their only purpose is breeding stock to make more labor and more cult members. Other than that? Oh it's always "Oh well" and moving on to more death.
As I'm typing this, somebody on Facebook just commented "...if women die because of a problem with the baby, that's God's will." And I am like, if absolutely everything that happens is God's will and He's an all-powerful being Who can make anything a reality, then why didn't God just design it so that terminating a pregnancy for any reason results in immediate death? If He's God, then He could absolutely have designed it to work that way, right? — Then the conversation spiraled into "the devil" and "temptation" and "God's wrath" and every other bullshit thing you can think of from a person with no critical thinking skills who hasn't studied the Bible even a little bit. I am so fucking tired of this shit.
And now back to my toasty 72° homestead.
There's two brands that I'm loyal to. Apple and Ninja Kitchen. That's it.
If I need a kitchen appliance, I see if Ninja has one and then just buy that. No wasting my time comparison shopping because everything I've ever purchased from them has been great and fairly priced. Ugly but great.
Anyway... My mom's Cuisinart, which she bought in the 80's, still works great but the canister is cracking and I can't get a replacement. So I just bought a new Ninja. And it arrived today. THIS THING IS A BEAST! AND THE QUAD BLADES ARE SCARY AS SHIT! THIS IS NOT A FOOD PROCESSOR... IT IS WHIRLING BLADES OF TOTAL DEATH AND DESTRUCTION!
Literally scared of it.
Terrified of it. Those blades are no joke.
But... on the other hand, I'll bet it'll process the fuck out of my food, so there's that. I mean, just look at this model I got. IT HOLDS TWELVE CUPS!!! I think the old one I had maybe held 5 cups? 6 cups? Crazy. Guess I'll be cleaning out my appliance cupboard so I can make space for it.
Can't wait to pulverize the fuck out of some garbanzo beans to make falafel... or shred the fuck out of some cheese when I'm in a non-vegan mood. Ooh! And salsa! I can make salsa by the shitload now!
As I mentioned way too many times, my favorite thing to do at Walt Disney World is eat. I love their beautifully-themed, over-priced, high-end restaurants which have delicious food.
But I also like the snacky things... like the churros, popcorn, and fries. It's all good because you're in Walt Disney World. But you know the one snack thing that I love more than any other? Dole Whip. My favorite is the original Pineapple Dole Whip you can get in Adventureland. But there's also Orange Bird's Sunshine Tree Terrace, which has Orange and other flavors (like Strawberry). Disney Springs and some of the Disney hotels also have various varieties of Dole Whip... all of them very tasty.
I had mentioned to my friends who actually work at the resort how I was sad I couldn't have a Dole Whip Float whenever I want... and how jealous I was that they could have it whenever they want.
They're response? "Oh but you can!"
And they gifted me a big bag of Dole Whip mix (that they got on Amazon)...
The stuff is dairy-free and vegan, fat-free, cholesterol-free, gluten-free, peanut-free, and totally delicious. All you have to do is mix it with water! The bag makes 89 servings(!) and is meant to be run through a soft-serve machine. I don't have one of those, but I do have a Ninja CREAMi machine. You just mix 2 cups of water with 2/3 cup of mix, freeze it in the CREAMi canister overnight, then run it through on the "Frozen Yogurt" setting. Simple.
And it tastes exactly like what you get at Walt Disney World. Probably because it is what you get at Disney World. You can pipe it through a big star-tip if you want it to look more like Dole Whip, but it'll take practice to make it swirl correctly...
Don't worry, my swirl with get better as I work on it!
There's also a "copycat" recipe floating around which you can make in your blender (if you don't have a soft serve or CREAMi machine) that we tried...
It's tasty... but not as sweet as the real stuff (which might be a plus for some people). It tastes much more like actual pineapple than Dole Whip does. It also lacks the various stabilizers and gums which makes the original so darn creamy. We struggled to get my Ninja Blender to mix the stuff properly, so we ended up mixing in more pineapple juice. I think if I would have used more ice cream with it, then it might have tasted more authentic. For what it is, it's a terrific treat. But it ain't Dole Whip.
So...
If you love Dole Whip like I do, buying the actual mix will get you there. If you don't have a soft serve or CREAMi machine, you might try freezing the mixture in ice cube trays and pulverizing the cubes in a blender or food processor with a little pineapple juice to try and get it to work that way.
Then close your eyes, take a bite, and you're at a Disney park!
I'm too tired to write but not too tired to blog... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...
• Smith! When people think of the late, great Dame Maggie Smith, I'm betting it's either her roles in Downton Abbey and Harry Potter that come to mind. But I didn't like anything to do with Harry Potter and wasn't a fan of Downton Abbey. For me, it's the many, many smaller roles I love her for. She had a small role in The First Wives Club that was wonderfully savage. Her smallest look and every motion was flawless...
Her talent was endless... Sister Act, The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, California Suite, the original (and superior) Death on the Nile. The list goes on and on. This interview is worth your valuable time to watch...
An absolute gem. You will be sorely missed.
• Dame Sir Dame? I would be badly remiss if I didn't post this amazing skit of Sir Ian McKellen as Dame Maggie Smith on SNL from years ago...
Will never not be hilarious.
• Ashton! When it comes to character actors, John Ashton is one for the books. He popped up in unexpected places all the time. But it was the role of John Taggart in the Beverly Hills Cop films that cemented him in pop culture history...
Another loss for Hollywood. Rest in Peace, sir.
• NEWS: Walmart self-checkout mistake destroys Olympic athlete's career. Not only are stores like Walmart asking you to work for them by scanning your own groceries... they seek to imprison you if you scan them wrong or their machines fails to read the scan. Because, you know, WE'RE ALL FUCKING EXPERTS WHEN IT COMES TO BEING A GROCERY CHECKER... BEING FORCED TO DO A JOB WE WERE NEVER TRAINED FOR! — I hope she sues them for a billion dollars and wins. This kind of shit drives me insane.
• Mickey's Balls! Franklin Farms makes some really good vegan products, and a really good one is their "Black Bean & Plantain Balls." When I saw them in the grocery store this last week, I was surprised to see that they are now being promoted by Mickey Mouse...
Which just goes to show that Disney will slap their intellectual property on anything. Because money, I guess. I do question the benefit that Franklin Farms is going to get by this branding partnership. Do they think that kids are going to see Mickey in the refrigerator case and scream "MOM! DAD! I WANT MICKEY'S BALLS!" or something? I don't get it. But whatever. Mickey's balls are pretty tasty when served over rice...
Of course, I'm a sucker for Cuban-style meals, so my opinion is far from biased.
• Asano! Oh man. There's so many exceptional international actors that I love, and it always makes my heart grind that most Americans will never know their work. I'm so happy that Tadanobu Asano is getting recognized for his craft and that Americans could see him at work in Shōgun! Which he talks about in this terrific interview...
Congratulations on the Hollywood Reporter Japan’s Trailblazer Award, sir! I've been a fan for quite a while!
• Hold Me Now, Now! Oh boy! The Thompson Twins are releasing a 40th Anniversary Edition of Into the Gap, remixed in Dolby Atmos Spatial Audio. They released a teaser track for Hold Me Now that's really nice (though a few odd choices were made in the mix that surprised me). Super Deluxe Edition is releasing a Blu-Ray Audio with 30 bonus tracks to commemorate the occasion, and I don't think I've ever pressed an "ORDER" button so fast...
One of my favorite albums ever. Can't believe it's FORTY YEARS OLD! I don't want to think about how old that makes me.
And now I think I should probably turn in early. Really hope I'm not too tired to sleep.
A couple weeks ago I was looking for something on this blog and ran across an entry I wrote in 2010(!). Apparently I didn't have a lot to talk about fourteen years ago, because I wrote about some of my current favorite foods, including... Pink Lady Apples, Frosted Flakes, Craisins, Pretzel Thins, and CHEESE TOASTWICHES from Schwan's! These cheese sandwiches were cooked in your toaster and were darn tasty. I'm not kidding when I say that I'd average one package a day. Running late and need something quick for breakfast? Toastwiches. Need an easy lunch? Toastwiches. Too tired to cook dinner? Toastwiches. Midnight snack? Toastwiches.
My brain immediately went "Oh yeah! I wonder whatever happened to Schwan's?"
There was a time I loved that the Schwan's would pull up to my work once a week and offer quality frozen vegetarian options without my having to go to the store. But then they started raising their prices to an alarming degree and adding bullshit extra charges. Like a FUEL CHARGE?!? Dude, delivery is your entire deal, why the fuck are you adding a FUEL CHARGE instead of building into the cost of your products? Oh, I know, you want to try and camouflage the real cost of your stuff. Well, no thanks.
But I did end up looking up Schwan's because I was curious how much a box of Toastwiches was going for.
Turns out that Schwan's was re-branded Yelloh! in 2022. And they no longer sell Cheese Toastwiches, something I posted to Facebook after I found out...
And today it was announced that Yelloh! is shutting down operations.
When I think of how Schwan's went to the massive expense to re-brand the business and all those delivery trucks only two years ago, I can't help but wonder if the cash required ended up hastening their demise.
It's a real shame that these legacy companies that were once something I once loved are slowly disappearing. But, when I think to how my love for them isn't current and rooted in the past, I get it.
I'd pour out a Cheese Toastwich in Schwan's honor... but, well...
Long before the candle parties, makeup parties, sex toy parties, and home decor parties, were Tupperware parties. I remember them very well. Every other month or so one of the moms on the block would host a party where the neighborhood would gather to see all the latest wares from a goliath plastic food container company so they could order stuff to make their lives easier (and keep their foods fresher).
Personally I hated Tupperware because the containers would easily warp and stain... and the soft plastic would scratch with little effort, always making me wonder how much plastic was ending up in our food. My mom still had a bunch of the stuff when I cleaned out here cupboards... all of it warped, stained, and scratched.
With the exception of this thing, which I kept and still use from time to time...
Guaranteed delicious microplastics in every bite!
Today it was announced that Tupperware is bankrupt.
Which isn't too shocking. Who has time for food storage parties when you can just order cheap crap from Amazon and get on with your life? Or, if you're me, replace as much kitchen stuff as possible with glass and metal (well, except for stuff that sits out on the counter because I have cats).
Still... I do have some fond Tupperware memories too. It would be tough growing up in 1970's rural America and not have fond memories.
There were the Tupperware popcicle molds which you could fill with Kool-Aid (or Jell-O or Jell-O Pudding, if you were bougie). There was the Tupperware cereal keeper containers which made it so that your Fruit Loops didn't go stale as fast. There was that famous Tupperware cake taker that got pulled out when grandma was taking a cake somewhere and you got excited for a slice.
But then there was everything else, which usually meant you were getting gross leftovers instead of new deliciousness. That's the darker side of my childhood that most people don't want to discuss. Though, as an adult who has to actually pay for my own food, I'm thrilled to have modern food storage technology!
I'd just prefer that my food not be stored in plastic and cost a fortune, so I guess childhood memories are all the Tupperware I need.
If I were to have a regret over my trip to Walt Disney World, it would be that I didn't go to the Polynesian Village Resort for Tonga Toast, and I didn't get any Spicy Hummus Fries from Spice Road Table in Epcot's Morocco Pavilion.
Everything else I wanted to do (namely ride all the attractions which came out after my list visit and eat at some of my favorite places) I did. I try not to have regrets in life, but... Enter Copycat Recipes.
This amazing breakfast treat hails from the two breakfast restaurants at Polynesian Village Resort is pretty simple. Take a really thick slice of sourdough bread, cut a pocket in one side, shove banana slices in it, then dredge in a egg/milk/vanilla wash, deep fat fry, then coat in a cinnamon-sugar mix.
It's incredible.
I looked at three separate copycat recipes and came up with my own vegan version which uses almond milk for regular milk and egg substitute for eggs. No, it's not going to be an exact flavor match, but the milk/egg thing isn't a big part of the flavor profile, so it's perfectly fine. But the bigger difference in my recipe? I am not using a massive slice of bread because I would have to drag out my deep fat fryer to cook it. Instead I will use "regular-thick" bread and put the bananas and sugar on top because that will only require an inch of oil in a small skillet.
The result was darn tasty...
Now, I want to be very clear. I didn't cheat this. I didn't blast a skillet with cooking spray and fry it up like you'd normally make French Toast. I did indeed use enough oil to cover the toast, then submerged it so it was deep fat fried. Because it's the slow deep fat frying that gives it a different, crispy texture which is superior to regular French Toast. So good.
I was going to bake the bananas a bit to simulate the cooking that bananas get being inside the bread in real Tonga Toast, but ultimate passed on that because it occurred to me that the bananas in real Tonga Toast have so much bread around them that they don't get very cooked. Just warned a bit.
Maybe next time I'll bake a loaf of sourdough, pull out the deep fat fryer, and do this up right. But probably not, because what I ended up with had all the taste that I wanted out of real Tonga Toast.
While more like "mini falafel loaves" than "hummus fries," these fantastic staples of the Morocco Pavilion finally got a permanent home at Spice Road Table restaurant (after being a dish at the Epcot Food & Wine Festival). The first time I tried them in 2017, I ate double-orders for lunch and dinner most days I was there. They're heavenly. I love falafel, so it's not a shock that I love these vegan treats. What makes them different than falafel is the addition of spicy spices and the vegan chipotle mayo sauce, which takes them to the next level.
I only found one copycat recipe. And while the results from their recipe are pretty close, the sauce is different, but not bad at all. Overall, I really liked this recipe, and will absolutely be making them again...
Kinda like a falafel pita sandwich without the pita, I guess?
And now I really need to set aside Walt Disney World and get back to my Real Life. If that's even possible.
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