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Posted on Monday, October 15th, 2007

Dave!Alrighty then... it's my first video entry!

I recorded everything this morning, but didn't post until the afternoon so I could transcribe the audio. This way, anybody who might be deaf or hard of hearing will be able to follow along. This has the side-benefit of also helping out those people who can't play movies on their computer, or those terrified at the thought of having to watch me on video (and who could blame them?).

You'll have to forgive the crummy video quality, because it was recorded with my mini iSight camera with crappy lighting. While you're at it, you might as well forgive the bad audio and horrible graphics as well. This video is total crap, and should be avoided at all costs.

But if you're a glutton for punishment, look behind the curtain...

A video transcript is in an extended entry...

TRANSCRIPT: Dave's morning answers to the "How Well Do You Know Dave?" quiz.

Dave In Bed

I was going to be lazy and do my first video blog from bed... but I smell funny, and should probably take a shower first.

Shower Pscho Madonna...

(SINGING AS MADONNA) "Like a Virgin... touched for the very first time..."

Waffle Cone Shampoo...

Today I'm going to smell especially good because I'm using Waffle Cone Shampooooo.

Joe Boxer Dave...

Since Today is Monday, and Monday's usually suck, I've decided to wear my lucky Joe Boxers. They're really comfy, and a happy penis means a happy Monday.

Cereal and Milk...

(SINGING) "Milk and cereal. Cereal and Milk. Cereal and Milk."

A Banana for Ms. Sizzle...

And a banana so Ms. Sizzle doesn't yell at me.

Here we go...

Okay! Now that all that's out of the way, I guess it's time that I start answering all those questions that I put up on Saturday.

How well do you know Dave?

Okay, this is "How Well Do You Know Dave." It was an idea I stole from Hilly's blog.

Dave's dream vacation...

First question. My dream vacation... A) Touring Thailand, Cambodia, and Vietnam. B) An icebreaker cruise from South America to Antarctica. C) Exploring the Amalfi Coast in Italy. D) A trip through Australia. I actually wouldn't mind doing any of these things right now, but the on that most interests me would probably be going back to Thailand. When I was there the first time several years ago, it was a life-changing even for me, and to go back and maybe see a little bit of Cambodia and Vietnam would be a dream vacation.

Dave's pet peeves...

Okay... question number two. My biggest pet peeve... A) People clipping their fingernails in public. B) People making crunching noises while eating in annoying TV commercials. C) People who let their kids run wild and unsupervised. Or D) People who smack their gum while chewing it. Again, all of these things bugs the crap out of me. But probably the one that's bothering me the most right now is people who smack their gum while chewing it. I was in Spokane last week and eating at David's Pizza (which is one of my most favorite places to eat). And I'm standing in line when all of a sudden this gum-smacking whore comes up behind me, smackin' away. And it's like, come on lady... people are trying to eat here.

Make Dave happy...

Question number three. No matter how bad I'm feeling, doing this one thing will make me feel happy every time... A) Painting a scenic picture. B) Bitch-slapping ramdom idiots at the grocery store. C) Watching the last 5 minutes of the movie "Millions." Or D) Eating a bowl of chocolate pudding with graham crackers. Ummm... all these things in theory would make me happy. But I have to eliminate "B" because even though I talk smack in my blog and draw violent cartoons, in real-life I would never commit violence a person. At least I hope that I wouldn't. But painting a scenic picture, that would be great. I rarely have time to do it though. Eating a bowl of chocolate pudding is always a good thing, guaranteed to put a smile on my face. But probably the thing I most like to do when I'm feeling down is watch the last five minutes of the movie "Millions." It's a brilliant film, really uplifting, and those last five minutes... I don't care how bad your day is, after you see it you're feeling much better.

Bad Monkey is based on...

Question number four. My DaveToon sidekick of Bad Monkey is based on... A) Robert, my motorcycle-riding friend. B) Max, the homicidal rabbit from "Sam & Max." C) Curious George. Or D) Calvin from "Calvin & Hobbes." Now, Calvin is my favorite comic strip character of all time, but he's a lot smarter and craftier than Bad Monkey will ever be... so let's get rid of that one. Curious George had a big affect on me as a kid because I read all the books over and over again. And that's probably where my obsession with monkeys came from. Robert my motorcycle-riding friend... he does a lot of the crazy stuff that Bad Monkey might do, but it's actually the other way around. Bad Robert was named after all the Bad Monkey cartoons that appeared in my blog. So the real answer is probably "Max, the homicidal rabbit from Sam & Max." Not a lot of people know about Sam ∓ Max... it's kind of a cult comic book thing. But it was a cartoon and a video game, and Max and Bad Monkey are both insanely crazy but absolutely adorable and lovable at the same time.

Question number five. The first blogger I ever met in person is... A) Jenny from Run Jen Run. B) Jeff from Geekable. C) Kazza from Kazza the Blank One. Or Kevin from Kapgar. These are all the earliest bloggers that I met, but the one that I met first would be Jeff from Geekable. I was working in Milwaukee, and heading over to Detroit so that I could visit the new Hard Rock Cafe there, and I remembered that Jeff lived in the Detroit area. So I gave him a call, we had a great lunch at the Hard Rock, and it was the first of many bloggers I would meet. And hopefully I'll be meeting many more.

Number of blogs I read...

Question number six. The total number of webfeeds I read, and how many of those are personal blogs. A) 188. B) 227. C) 362. Or D) 390. The answer would be 362, with 256 of those being personal blogs. That may sound like a lot, but not everybody posts every single day, and it doesn't make it that difficult when you have a feed reader that you're using. But it is an awful lot, and explains why sometimes I don't have a lot of time to comment on everybody's blog as much as I would like to.

Traits I admire...

Next question. The traits I most admire in people are... A) Honesty and Intelligence. B) Conviction and Compassion. C) Bravery and Strength. Or D) Hotness and Charisma. Now, as easy as it would be for me to answer "D" (especially with people like Elizabeth Hurley in the world) that would be a pretty shallow answer. Bravery and strength are definitely admirable traits. There's people who have to face unbelievable adversity in their lives every day, and for them to get through it on the merits of their bravery and strength is something to admire. Honesty and intelligence... always a good thing. But I think the thing I admire most in people is their personal conviction and compassion. People who are able to balance the two is kind of a rare thing in this world, and for people to be able to hold on to their beliefs, yet be able to help out people who believe differently than them is something I really admire. And there's a lot of worthwhile people in the world doing just that today.

People who need to be beaten...

Question number eight. The person I'd most like to beat severely with a baseball bat. Obviously a hypothetical question, because I don't advocate violence of any kind towards anybody. But, if I were to want to beat somebody, would it be... A) Jared Fogle, the Subway Sandwich Whore. B) Doug Morris, CEO of Universal Music. C) Ann Coulter, who is evil incarnate. Or D) Pat Robertson, which is a hate-preaching bastard. Doug Morris is the guy who got up and called all iPod owners thieves... even though I own an iPod and don't have any stolen music on mine. That makes him kind of a douche-bag worth beating. Jared Fogle is just an idiot. He gets up in these commercials, holds up a Subway sandwich with no cheese and no mayo... then holds up a Whopper with triple beef, triple cheese and extra mayo, and tries to compare the two for nutritional value. And it's just not a cool thing to do. He's pretty much a whore paid to say whatever Subway tells him to say, and for him to get up and try act like he's helping people is pretty lame. Pat Robertson is one of those people that really drives me nuts. He professes to be a man of God, but all he does is get up and preach hatred towards people who don't believe like he does, which is definitely wrong. But the big winner here (or loser, depending on how you look at it) would definitely be Ann Coulter. She's just a woman that will say absolutely anything... no matter who it hurts... no matter what the consequences are... and she just doesn't care. She just wants to sell her books and say these outrageous things and we don't really need that in the world right now. We've got enough problems without people trying to divide us and trying to set us against each other. And I'm always curious about how Ann Coulter can get away with wearing a crucifix, because you'd think with someone as hellaciously demonic as her, it would just burn through her skin or something.

Travel Gurus...

Okay... the travel guru I would most likely use as a resource for planning my trips. Is it A) The Travel Channel's Samantha Brown. B) "1000 Places to See Before You Die" author Patricia Shultz. C) Famous travel writer and TV personality Rick Steves. Or D) Brilliant travel storyteller Bill Bryson. I can pretty much eliminate Rock Steves. I'm not a big fan of his stuff... he may be okay for a first-time traveller or someone who doesn't travel that often, but he's not really my speed. Really like Bill Bryson. Brilliant storyteller, and I've gotten a couple ideas from him. The "1000 Places to See Before You Die" book is a good resource, I've gotten some ideas from there. But a lot of the places she wants you to go are like hotels and things, which is not really my thing either. The answer here is The Travel Channel's Samantha Brown. She's got a brilliant show, she's smart, she's funny, she's cute, she has an amazing passion for travel. Every time I see one of her shows, she makes it out to be someplace I wanna be too.

Dave phobias...

Last question. My greatest phobia would be... A) Fear of hospitals. B) Fear of insects. C) Fear of snakes. Or D) Fear of heights. Not afraid of snakes or lizards. I actually like snakes and lizards. It's not a fear of hospitals. When I was a kid I actually liked going to hospitals because when I grew up I wanted to be a doctor (unfortunately, my medical career was put on hold when I found out I was afraid of blood). Ummm... a little bit afraid of insects... they're kind of creepy-crawly and that second Indiana Jones movie really put the fear of insects into me. The big one is fear of heights. Seems like no matter where I go there's always some tall structure like a cathedral or the Space Needle or the Eiffel Tower or something like that, and I have this paralyzing fear of heights. I go ahead and do it anyway, but it is definitely not my favorite thing. And, now that I think about it, insects are probably not my favorite thing either. I don't care how cute you draw them, they're still creepy and crawly.

The End!

Alright. That's the last question. Thanks again to Hilly for coming up with this great idea, and I'll see you all tomorrow at Blogography.

Categories: Memes 2006Click To It: Permalink


  1. Whit says:

    Hey, now I can go take the quiz!

  2. delmer says:

    I read each and every entry and still missed too many questions. (Which is why I didn’t play publicly.) Maybe I should put together flash cards so I’ll be better prepared next time.

    Nice video, Dave.

  3. claire says:

    Nicely vlogged, Dave! And massive bonus points for transcribing it all.

    10.5 minutes seemed a bit daunting, but it moved right along. I’ll have to check out Samantha Brown’s show sometime.

  4. tori says:

    Cool video, although disappointing that I got a lot wrong. My favorite part was the blood spatters at the end, and that you named the fear of blood. Very cool!

  5. Kyra says:

    Ahhh now my life is complete, I got to video-shower with you Dave! 😉

  6. Tracie says:

    Great Vlog, Dave! Your voice is deeper than I would have imagined it. 🙂

  7. Elizabeth says:

    That was fun, hope you do more! But I missed every single question 🙁

  8. Avitable says:

    so, what did I win?

  9. Dave says:

    Post of the year! 🙂

  10. Hilly says:

    1.) How much do I puffy heart you?
    2.) Your video puts mine to shame!!!
    3.) I did half-assed but am glad I was right about the Conviction & Compassion one cause it my mind, knowing that answer matters the most to me :).

  11. Eileen Dover says:

    I hope I’m not the only person who kept repeating you saying “gum-smacking whore” over and over again…

    That makes me happy.

  12. lizriz says:

    Good vlog! But I was hoping that you’d pop back up in person at the end. 🙂

  13. This was really fun, Dave. And I got a few right!

  14. bogup says:

    That was great!
    Got to hear your nice voice and got confirmed that the questions/answers were darn difficult. How could I not have picked Samantha Brown, who has been one of my absolute favorite TV personalities? Thanks for not asking us to guess what shampoo you use. Waffle cone??? Isn’t that for coneheads? Sorry, couldn’t resist.

  15. Rick says:

    Yup, I scored 100%… whadda I win?

  16. oh that is entirely too cool .. can you do a “day in the life of Dave” video? That would be fun 🙂

  17. undisciplined says:

    Ha ha, love the vlog. You should definitely do more. Strange, you sound just as I imagined. The shower scene is oddly reminiscent of a scene from the short lived cartoon The Critic.

  18. Patty says:

    I got some of them right…not bad for not reading your blog for long. I was thinking about your blog today as a guy in my college class was wearing a shirt that said ‘I’m a bad monkey and need to be spanked.’ Or something like that.

  19. amanda says:

    You should do more vlogs, that was awesome

  20. Wayne says:

    Yeah, I agree that the voice is lower than I was guessing. And the eyes are bigger.

    Now I want to finish that little DaveFlash movie I made sometime last year or something… I’m just missing the voiceover, which I may do based on THIS entry, now that I have your voice 🙂

  21. Bre says:

    Ha! I used waffle cone this morning too! Spooky!

  22. Suzy says:

    Uh Dude? When you say the audio is bad, the video is bad, uh, it is either:
    A. A set up so we’ll go Wow, this is great OR
    B. You’re a LYING liar and a half of a liar on toast

  23. Catherine says:

    Sweet! as you might say. Thank you. I was hoping you’d come back and talk to us some more at the end. I hope you do more videos. I’m gonna get one of those wee camera thingies and do this, too. I’ve done a couple with Joy, and it is fun.

  24. Laurence says:

    AAAAAAH !!! You have a beautiful voice !!! 🙂

    Your video is amazing ! You are a perfectionnist. This video is perfect ! Mille Bravo Dave !

    P.S. I am busy this time. I want to comment every day, but it is hard. I read you nevertheless every day ! 😉

  25. Dave2 says:

    Whit… Cheater! CHEATER!!

    Delmer… I had to study my blog for hours in order to answer those questions! Just goes to show how dedicated I am to my readers…

    Claire… I cut it down from an hour-twenty minutes, so consider yourself lucky. 🙂

    Tori… It’s not just the blood… it’s the needles too.

    Kyra… I should really sell that segment on DVD. Though I don’t know if people would feel cleaner or dirtier after watching it!

    Tracie… Those hormones are paying off.

    Elizabeth… Don’t feel bad, if I couldn’t cheat, I would have probably missed every question too.

    Avitable… I’d offer a free gallon of personal lubricant, but it would seem you’re already covered.

    Dave… Year? That was the post of the century!

    Hilly… 1. About three puffy heart’s-worth. 2. Bwah ha ha!! Not even remotely true! 3. Oooh! I’m glad I guessed it right then!

    Eileen… I think it makes everybody happy… well, except the gum-smacking whores, of course.

    Lizriz… I like to tease the audience and always leave them wanting more. It just goes to show… you can never get enough Dave!

    LSL… I’ll hire you to write my next quiz then! 🙂

    Bogup… Samantha Brown is totally hot too! I rotate between Cinnamon Buns, Hot Chocolate, and Waffle Cone washes.

    Rick… A year’s subscription to Blogography. Enjoy it!

    Kazza… That might unnecessarily scare a lot of people! My days get pretty crazy…

    Undisciplined… I never got to see all episodes of “The Critic,” but have long wanted to rent them on DVD.

    Patty… I wouldn’t even want to attempt to spank Bad Monkey. The little bastard is crazy, and would probably throw poo at me.

    Amanda… I need a better camera. I fear that my innate hotness is not coming through properly on my little iSight camera. 🙁

    Wayne… My eyes are totally Photoshopped. Usually they’re the size of peanuts.

    Bre… Loves me the Waffle Cone shampoo!

    Suzy… Uhhh… yeah, or else I say that because it’s true! I need better lighting. 🙁

    Catherine… I’ve done other videos, but please don’t judge me too harshly. I was young and needed the money.

    Laurence… Thanks! 🙂

  26. ET says:

    Garbo Talks!….and mellifluously I might add. All this bloggin’ about TV shows is turning you into one, heh!
    My favorite travel guru’s would be either Ian Wright or Justine Shaprio from ‘Globe Trekker’. They’ll both fearlessly go just about anywhere (& on the cheap) and do just about anything. They’re both game for any kind of strange native food too. He usually just dives right in but, she goes at it in a more hesitant, girly way. That putrified shark stuff in Iceland got the best of him, though.

    BTW, perhaps you and I can play tennis someday. Ann Coulter will be the ball and we can use baseball bats instead of rackets.

  27. Catherine says:

    Ooo, I get it I get it! It took me a minute, I’m like, wtf is he talking about?

    Not video, Vlog. Vlog. Got it.

  28. sizzle says:

    awesome video!

    i am so proud of you for eating that banana. 😉

  29. Mike says:

    Your voice is deeper than I imagined. That merits re-reading a few entries, now this I have the “right” voice in my head. 😉

    Good job.

  30. Robin says:

    Samantha Brown? She does commercials for replacement windows and siding that run constantly around here. Probably before she worked for the Travel Network, but the commercials drive me crazy!

  31. kilax says:

    You rock Dave. I am not sure whether to laugh out loud or be scared. Just kidding!

  32. Kirsten says:

    hah thats great!
    make more video blogs in the future. You’re hilarious.

  33. margalit says:

    This was brilliant and SO much fun. But I had no idea you had such an accent. Interesting, because I had always pictured you with no accent at all. Hmmmm. Oh well, loved the shower scene. And the waffle cone shampoo. Only you, Dave. Only you!

  34. jodi says:

    when you go to beat ann coulter with a baseball bat, can i come too? i’d like to kick her with some steel toed boots.

  35. serap says:

    That was brilliant Dave, and thanks so much for transcribing, my work computer is really slow, so it really helped to be able to read it after. I’m actually transcribing at work at the moment, but I’m transcribing group sessions, and I’m finding it sooooo hard! So I appreciate your effort all the more!

  36. MRKisThatKid says:

    Adooooorrraablleeeeee!!!!!!! This the future of davetainment, hope you keep doing them.

  37. Lisa says:

    Completely entertaining! Though, for awhile there I couldn’t help having flashbacks of my college lectures. That was after the whole shower scene, of course. LOL

  38. NYCWD says:

    That was awesome!

    One question though… which cereal was it???

  39. Dave2 says:

    My homage to Cereal Wednesday!!

    It was Quaker Oatmeal Squares

    They go soggy really quickly, but if you eat them fast they’re pretty good. 🙂

  40. ADW says:

    How super cute was that? I loved it…

  41. Anonymous says:

    What a great voice! You should totally have a radio show!

  42. walt says:


    Nice job! The bar is set very low so enjoy the kuddos. It was a great clean start be sure to reward yourself. Sometimes rewards are far and few between! Live long and …


  43. Nancycle says:

    That was awesome Dave! Was great to hear your voice and learn a little more about you.

  44. sue says:

    Whew! It was well worth the read. I know so much more about you now… (but not in a stalker-ish kinda way, you know?)

  45. Jeff says:

    Most excellent video Dave. I’m glad you did that because it really helps complete the whole Blogography experience. Good job!

    I used to think I had a fear of heights but eventually I realized that I’m not afraid of high places that are “protected” by things like fences or glass, such as the St. Louis Arch for example. However, I can’t go anywhere near an unprotected cliff or ledge without my stomach turning upside down. So – it appears I’m not so much afraid of heights as I am of falling off of something. More of a fear of edges I suppose.

  46. kapgar says:

    Okay, 7 of 10. Not too bad, I suppose. But I would’ve sworn Kazza was the first one you met. And I never pegged you as a Samantha Brown fan although I don’t blame you in the slightest. She’s cool. And she reminds me of Supergirl.

  47. blanetalk says:

    The Madonna song was a bit disturbing. Did you know there were three films with the title “Millions”? Okay, one was actually a foreign film originally titled “Milardi” (1991) but was retitled for U.S. distribution. I’m actually a fan of the 1971 bank heist movie “$”, a caper film about crooks robbing crooks. However, due to your recommendation, I will be checking out “Millions” soon. An uplifting film, especially an intelligent one, is always welcome.

  48. karla says:

    Dave moves! He MOOOVVVES!!!!! Woo!

    And he has very expressive eyebrows.

  49. the patient says:

    wish i had a mac.

    so THAT is what you sound like. now i can read your blog with some voice other than my own…

  50. Jon says:

    You actually DO have Deaf readers…well, at least one that I know of. Thanks for the transcript!

  51. Mr. K says:

    We loved the video entry, Dave! Good to hear your voice, which Mrs. K had pictured to sound just like it does. Call it female intuition 😉

  52. Poppy says:

    Someone told me you were going to be in a towel. Did I miss it? 😀 😉

  53. e-rambler says:

    Hi Dave,

    Long time reader first time commenter (over at Singapore to boot) – your voice is almost exactly as I had imagined heh, and you have larger eyes than I thought! Great vlog, looking forward to more 🙂 You look really good too hee…


  54. Mooselet says:

    Ok so I’m way behind in my blogs and just got to this now. Darn I wish I’d read/watched it sooner. I concur with a few comments that your eyes are much bigger than they appear in the photos. You have a very calm speaking voice – you could do those audio books.

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