I've been burning the candle at both ends for months, and it's starting to catch up to me. In one of life's cruel ironies, I get so tired lately that I can't sleep. I start yawning and yawning, so I go to bed... then am wide awake.

And so I run through my social media pages looking for something to distract my mind from all the things that are running through my head that I should be focusing on that's keeping me from falling asleep.

And that's when I reached this...

I laughed out loud, which was a real bummer for my cats who were sleeping next to me.

Jake was a little upset, but quickly fell back asleep.

Jenny, on the other hand, glared at me for far longer than was comfortable, then left in a huff.

Until 4:20am, at which point she got her revenge.

Don't fear the reaper... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

   
• Cardio! For somebody whose on the internet way more than he would ever admit, it's genuinely shocking that I somehow missed this viral video from last year...

Poor thing. She nearly had a heart attack. And can you really blame her?

   
• Pet Heaven! Oh man. I need to get Jake & Jenny baptized so they can get into Pet Heaven! Never even thought of it!

A friend sent me this video because they call their cat Boo-Bear, just like I call Jake Boo-Bear. Or "Bubair" if you'd rather.

   
• That Mitchell & Webb Look! The fact that you know what's coming just makes it all the funnier...

David Mitchell is phenomenal in the BritBox series Ludwig, if you're looking for something good to watch.

   
• Fart Patio! I miss Portlandia...

There's something about scathing satire which speak truth in a way you love to see.

   
• I'm Donut! I look forward to this event every Christmas, but didn't find it last year. But they did reenact it, so I must have somehow missed it...

Some traditions should never die. Especially when donuts are involved.

   
• Gain? I've been in a lot of smelly situations. I've had some smelly jobs. But there is nothing... NOTHING... that I've experienced which is worse than the horrific stench of Swiffer "Fresh-Scent with Gain" mop pads. I accidentally purchased them instead of the usual Swiffer I get (the boxes look almost identical) and have been trying to use them every once in a while because it's wasteful to throw them in the trash. Especially given how expensive they are. Tonight I spilled spaghetti sauce in my kitchen and grabbed the Swiffer. And now, in the middle of winter, I have all the doors and windows open because my house smells like total ass. I do not understand how people want their house to smell like this shit. I regret using them every time, and I really, really need to suck it up, take the L, and toss them... because this is awful awful awful.

   
• Greenland? Maybe I'm cynical in that I think this whole load of nonsense about Greenland being taken by the USA is just another bullshit distraction from the Epstein Files. But if it's not? Two things. 1) In 1917, the Virgin Islands were sold to the USA to become a US territory by Denmark, and part of the agreement is that the USA recognize full Danish control over Greenland. In other words, we signed up for this. And, 2) Somebody out of NATO has already said "If you take Greenland, we take every single base of the Americans from Aviano to Ramstein, from Romania, to all the other military bases will be confiscated, and you will lose it, and the whole position of American power since World War II, if you take Greenland, you have to leave." Which is to say that we would be in seriously deep shit. I cannot fathom how incredibly fucking stupid it would be if somebody... ANYBODY... doesn't explain that there are consequences to being a complete moron in this situation.

   
And now? Time to wash another load of clothes.

There's a big trend on social media where people are posting photos of themselves from 2016... ten years ago.

I decided to go back to 2016 for Jake and Jenny, because I got them for my mom in 2016. Which means that they're over ten years old, which seems impossible. The Human Society didn't know exactly when the cats were born, but based on what they were able to find out, they were guessing the first week of December. Since they have to have a birthday to celebrate, I picked December 6th, 2015. We picked them up on February 16th, 2016.

Still one of the better days of my life...

It's so funny how they're so easily recognizable. They look the same. Except smaller.

In the case of Jake, a lot smaller.

I fall down internet rabbit holes very, very easy.

Usually it's animals. I start looking at animal videos and it's so mentally soothing that I can't stop myself. It's the ultimate feel-good hit. But there's lots of other things that get me hooked. Woodworking. Travel. Animation. Art. The list goes on and on. And then there's tattooing.

If I had my way, I'd have minimum quadruple the tattoos I have now. I love tattoos. Even more than that, I love the art of tattoos. Which is why the Instagram algorithm has my number. It's filled with tattoo artists, because they know odds are that I'm going to click through.

And then this morning I ran across "TrippyCats" by Jiho Yoon. And while lots of the tattoos are indeed very trippy, I love the ones that are less trippy...

Has me very close to wanting to buy a ticket to Seoul and book an appointment!

Remember how proud I was that my cats are so polite as to not wake me up when I'm sleeping? They come into my bedroom, and if I'm asleep they walk back out? Well that was good while it lasted. Jenny started waking me up after I went on vacation then went away for the holidays. She comes in, jumps on the bed and starts meowing until I pet her. Usually between 2am and 3am. Then, it's like she told Jake, so now he's doing it as well? The little shits! If I ignore Jake, he'll leave. But Jenny? Oh hell no! She will keep meowing until you give her the attention she wants.

But it's not all bad news.

I found out that Jenny likes my bomb-ass potato salad. She licked the bowl after I had finished...

And Jake still refuses to leave my side since I got home from Christmas vacation...

I wonder if this is an age thing?

Because I used to leave all the time when they were younger and never had them waking me up when I got back.

Oh well. There are worse problems to have.

My cats saved my life this past week. Again. It's an annoying habit they have whenever I'm circling the drain of depression and despair.

But enough about me...

Sometimes when Jenny comes up to me to be petted, she's wet. Never smells like urine as if she's peed all over herself, so I just figured she's been rubbing against something wet out in the catio and dismissed it. But then... I was petting her, she left, went and got a drink of water, then came back wet. And there it was. Her tongue that's half paralyzed (which is why she makes such a mess when eating wet food) is somehow splashing water everywhere which then bounces off of whatever to land on her. Or maybe her tongue is throwing it on her back? Weird. One of these days, I'm going to have to run over to her while she's drinking so I can try and figure out exactly how it's happening. Because it seems physically impossible.

Jenny seems to alternate between being wary of me...

Or resentful of me...

Except when asleep, of course...

Or pretending to be asleep...

Or when I'm petting her. Wet fur and all.

Today I was driving back home from my holiday across the mountains when I got a phone call that was a punch in the gut so unexpected that I had to pull off the road because driving a car became a foreign concept in my head.

And then, after ten minutes to mostly get my head on straight, I was off again...

Because this is the only major East-West route left across the state (flooding destroyed the other one) and it snowed last night, there was major congestion in places... which meant that a 2-1/2 hour trip took 3-1/2 hours to complete.

But at the end when I finally walked through the door to my home, the trip was worth it because it wasn't just Jake waiting for me... both Jake AND Jenny were waiting for me. Which is strange, because Jenny usually prefers to make sure it's safe before venturing downstairs when anybody walks in the house. Including me.

It was a repeat of when I got back from Florida...

...except this time I really needed it.

There is no "worst day" for me after my mom died. That was it. That was the one I get.

Which is why one of the books I'm working on is currently titled Travels with My Mother (and the five worst days of my life). It's a collection of travel stories from when I was visiting places around the world with her interspersed with me recounting the five worst days of my life. It's been fun to write... but difficult too, because it just makes me realize all over again how much I've lost with each new page.

But anyway...

Yesterday was my mom's birthday. She would have been 81 years old.

It's also the day my car tabs are due. Which is one of those unhappy coincidences that I never thought about when I had to buy a new car last December.

So I went to the bookkeeping office where I pay for the tabs, then drove home.

The road to which goes right by the cemetery where my mom is buried. Which is another one of those unhappy coincidences that I never thought about when I picked the easiest route to my home.

But anyway...

Today is Caturday, which only exists because of the two cats I got to keep my mom company and help distract her from being confused all the time. A job Jake and Jenny did exceptionally well...

Yes. I just shared this three Caturdays ago, but I didn't know it would be needed again so soon.

   
And so... happy birthday mom, one day late.

PLEASE TO EXPLAIN CAT!

Jake and Jenny always know when I'm leaving on a trip. They sense it somehow, I guess.

My travel plans for my recent trip were delayed, so I decided to clean the Litter-Robots before I left to Florida instead of having everything be frozen outside when I got back. I finished hosing out the downstairs robot first, then tackled the upstairs robot. AND WHILE I WAS SCRUBBING IT OUT ON THE FRONT LAWN, Jenny decided to USE THE KITTY LITTER BUCKET as the toilet...

NO idea how she fit into it. No clue. But litter was pitched out from her trying to cover it, so she took the job seriously.

Then I left for my trip.

And while I was gone, I was checking in on Jake and Jenny the whole time via my security cameras. It was wild. But the most wild was this... before I left I put a protective blanket over the dining room table. I've started doing this more and more even when I am home because it's the one thing I can't seem to keep my cats off of. I think it's because it's so close to their food bowls. And the kitchen and the stairs and the living room. It's a central space where they can see the entire first floor when they're on top of it. I got tired of scrubbing it with vinegar constantly, but when I put a covering on it I only have to scrub it when people will be eating on it.

ANYWAY... I kept watching as the blanket was falling further and further off the table. I think they were chasing or fighting each other on it, and once it started falling off the table it just kept going little by little as they climbed up there again.

Then one day I noticed that it was almost all the way off the table AND a chair was rocked back. So I scrolled back to find out what happened. And it was exactly what I thought it would be.

Jenny was on the table while her brother was on the part of the blanket which was on the floor. She looked down and saw him there and decided to pull some Jenny shit. She goes to jump on him, snags the chair, and it falls over... until it locks under the table...

And how did the blanket get all the way off the table? Jake decided he wanted to sleep on the chair that was locked under the table, of course! Never mind that he's at an angle, he was apparently comfortable enough to sleep there multiple times until I got home. Here he is in the chair getting up and turning around so he can go to sleep...

So... yeah. Cats are weird. There's no denying it.

Jake is aging before my eyes, and it's worrying me quite a lot.

He seems to be having a tough time, whether it's due to his weight or his age... or both. Watching him going up and down stairs is where I worry the most, though when he is chasing (or being chased) by his sister, he can all of a sudden blaze up and down them. So I'm not sure what's going on. Maybe he's faking it for sympathy.

One thing that hasn't changed is that he's an adorably handsome bear...

Also, he's still just as clingy as ever, falling asleep on me or against me more and more...

And of course he still keeps me company when I'm on video calls at my desk. The minute he hears me talking on the computer, he heads right in and lays on the stair banister next to me, then proceeds to stare at me the entire time...

For a cat that's quickly approaching 60 human years old, Jake is holding up better than I am.