Jenny is getting to be more of a problem with food than Jake ever was. If Jake is slow to his bowl when the food drops, Jenny will eat hers... then his. It's so bad that I get up and call Jake over so he gets to eat. But this week there's been a new wrinkle. When Jenny sees that Jake is finally coming, she will stop eating her food... then go to his bowl to eat because there's more food there. Jake gets whatever she didn't get around to eating. I can't even be mad because that's a pro move right there. But there's going to come a time when she's too smart for her own good... and I'm not sure how I'm going to handle that.

Also? My cats have started talking. Quite a lot. If Jenny thinks I'm taking too long brushing my teeth and she want me in bed so she can get petted? Meows. So many meows. Jake can't meow, but he whines and frets and squeaks and wails. ZOMG the wailing. This past week I just walked in the door and he comes running up to be petted. I have to sit a bunch of stuff on the counter first, so I walk by him. He exploded with wailing. You'd think that I kicked him. In the face! Then... once I have my hands free and start giving him a rub-down? All the squeaks.

Cats only get more nuts with age. What will they be like in five years?

He was trapped in a region of non-stop war in Syria, but did his best to help people and feed cats in the area. And died there after joking about having dug his own grave.

It's a good thing I'm not God. Because I'm telling you right now, there would be no hiding from my wrath. Nothing could save you. I would wipe all violent aggressors off the face of the fucking earth without so much as a thought. One minute you're killing innocent civilians and cats... then next minute you would find yourself transported to the surface of the sun.

Which kinda begs the question... where is God in the middle of things like this anyway?

Definitely not in Syria, that's for sure.

After my last girlfriend and I split, I texted her to tell her that she left her memory foam pillow. She told me it was a cheap one that she didn't really like so I could keep it or toss it. I remember thinking AHAAAA! It wasn't that we didn't have common interests that broke us up... it was this stupid pillow!"

I made a mental note to toss it because I had my Ghost Pillow, but it sat there on her side of the bed for weeks (making it more of a ghost pillow than my actual Ghost Pillow) because I didn't have to change the pillowcase.

Then at some point Jenny started laying on it, so then I couldn't toss it. Instead I had to start changing the pillowcase again.

On Wednesday when I was making my weekly linens change, I decided to remove the pillow and put it in the cat's room. No sense constantly reminding myself that the only relationship in my life is my cats.

Well, I'm sure you know what happened next.

That night when I went up to bed, Jenny charged ahead like she usually does. After brushing my teeth, I went into my bedroom and... saw that Jenny was laying on my pillow. Because of course she was.

And so now her pillow is back on my bed so

Some ghosts can't be busted, I guess.

Today I woke up in more pain than usual, which I really hope means whatever kidney stone drama is going on in my urinary system is on its way out. Because we're going on a month now, and I'm really over it. My first thought was to get up and grab some Advil, but Jake was on my legs as usual now.

Just look at this! Doesn't it look like he's literally trying to hold me down?

Earlier this week he hopped up on my bed... kicked my legs apart (which caused the blanket to fall off of one of them)... then promptly fell asleep like so...

Which is to say that he just doesn't give a crap any more. I'm an accessory to him. To both of them. Just a prop to lean up against while sleeping.

Reminds me of Spanky, when he would prohibit me from packing my suitcase any time it came out...

In other Jake news. He has a snaggletooth while sleeping now...

In other, other Jake news... the birds and squirrels are out on the patio regularly now. This cause all kinds of drama...

Which seems overdramatic when, at best, squirrels are a blur and birds are quick to fly off when they realize there's no food for them...

Not a lot with Jenny this week. Probably because she's been avoiding me after I accidentally clocked her this past week. Well, not really avoiding me. It's just that when she wants to be petted, it has to be entirely on her terms. When she wants, what she wants, how she wants.

Which is almost her normal, so I guess she's back to normal?

Facebook has a "Memories" section where you can take a look at what you were talking about on this date one year ago... five years ago... ten years ago... whatever. I mostly like this feature because I've done some cool stuff over the years, and it's nice to remember what it was like to travel the globe and live life outside my bubble. Good times.

On this date eight years ago, I was posting about how my mom had completely won over Jake. He was still wary of me but, because he was home with my mom all day, she managed to bond with him in the three months since he and Jenny had been adopted. Which was exactly what I was hoping would happen. I needed to be in the office as much as possible, and the cats were meant to be a distraction from the non-stop confusion that plagued her as the dementia took hold...

At that point, mom was unable to make any long-term memories. So to her, the cats were always something new. We'd be sitting in the living room watching television... one of the cats would walk by, and she'd immediately be walking up to it and asking "Where did you come from?" Then she'd tell me that she was keeping it. Not many cats have jobs, but Jake and Jenny performed theirs perfectly.

And that makes for a nice memory... with our without Facebook.

Earth Day! Which means it's been... um... 38 years since I've eaten meat. THAT I KNOW OF! Because do we really know what's in an Impossible Burger? How do they make it taste so good and meaty? Is it because there's meat inside?

And now? A question. Is this what a parent feels like when they accidentally drop their baby down the stairs?

When I got home, I sat down on the couch to answer personal emails. What I did not see was Jenny sneaking into the room. And I really didn't see her jumping on the back of the couch as I was reaching for my Coke Zero. She jumped into my elbow. Clocked her hard and she ran off. I was mortified. Followed her to her hiding place to check and make sure nothing was broken. Then left her alone.

I called her to dinner and she came down, but was wary of getting near me. She wasn't limping or appearing hurt, so I just let her be. And I've been feeling awful ever since.

Just now she came in and wanted to be petted. So I'm thinking where she hit was on her head and now she has memory loss. Poor thing. I would have been inconsolable if I hit her eye or caused some damage. Hopefully it's something she can just shake off.

And speaking of shaking it off...

There's still something going on in my urinary system. Don't know if it's another, smaller, kidney stone... a piece of the last stone which broke off... just an injury from the passing of the last stone... or lupus.

I feel the need to toss lupus in the mix because that's what House M.D. would want.

But life has to go on, so I popped a couple Advil this morning and went back to work. That's not what House M.D. would want, but he isn't paying my mortgage.

Every night Jenny naps on the cat tree where she can see me... or on the warming pad next to me on the couch. She's doing this so she knows the minute I close my laptop to head upstairs to bed. Because she knows that I'll be happy to pet her for a few hours while working or watching TV. Jake usually heads up a while later...

Then, once I set down the laptop and turn off the lights to go to sleep, Jenny leaves immediately because she knows there's no more petting happening. Jake sleeps with me a lot of the time, which is not a big deal because he doesn't need anything from me and doesn't bother me. Mostly. Sometimes he decides to crawl on me because he wants attention, but that's rare.

Well, tonight I did something I never do.

Closed my bedroom door.

It was heartbreaking seeing Jenny walking towards me anticipating getting her nightly petting time, then shutting her out. But I really had no choice. I desperately needed sleep after two nights of not getting any. And having cats on the bed would be a distraction from that.

We'll see if there are repercussions from this tomorrow. Will they shred everything? Poop in my shoes? Chew up the furniture? Nothing is off the table.

UPDATE: After getting 8 hours and 20 minutes of fairly restful sleep, I woke up and opened the door about an hour before their breakfast time. Jake was there waiting. Jenny came running in five minutes later. No repercussions that I've found. Lucky me. This time.

I may be hard at work hammering studs into my ceiling frame to prepare for construction, but I'm not ignoring this blog... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

   
• Ultimate Eclipse! After seeing loads of photos and videos of the eclipse as seen on earth, I was surprised when footage started popping up of the eclipse as seen from space...

I'm really hoping that the NASA YouTube Channel eventually gets more of the stuff that came from the International Space Station. Because how amazing is that? Or, if you're a flerfer, I guess it's more like how fake is that?

   
• Galagos! Okay, this would 100% be me...

I don't know that I could ever not feed animals that wanted food.

   
• Flowers are a Bonus! Not that animals never give back...

Cats know what buttons to push to win over people.

   
• Melancholy Hill! If Damon Albarn asked me to eat a pound of broken glass, I'd ask if I could have extra for dessert. Every once in a while YouTube comes completely out of left field with a recommendation that floors me...

I love, love, love Gorillaz. I've gone down a YouTube rabbit hole so many times watching as much content as possible from the "band." But I have never seen this wonderful live performance of one of their best songs before. Magical.

   
• Faltas Tú! I was eating lunch in a restaurant when this amazing bop of a song came on. Fortunately my phone could tell me exactly what it was. And what's bizarre is that this is not an old song... it's relatively new. The music video mentions the eclipse and was released just over a week ago...

Props to the guy trying to bring back crop-tops for men!

   
• Adequate! While waiting for paint to dry, I'm cleaning and catching up on Hulu's Shōgun. Early in Episode 07, Lady Fuji's grandfather surprises her with a visit and compliments her on her clean home. She replies "It is adequate."

If I had to pick a moment from this show that summarizes my experience in Japan with the Japanese people (whom I adore), that would be it. The Japanese are exceedingly polite, humble, and respectful in order to maintain harmony and calm in society (at least outwardly). It would never occur to them to be boastful and say "Oh yeah, my house IS totally clean! Thanks for noticing!" I ran into that over and over and over again. It wasn't until I studied the language that I started to understand how ingrained humbleness is in their culture. It's something we could use more of in our culture.

   
• The Talented Mr. Ripley! Dang. Netflix took a beautiful gamble with this series, and it pays off wonderfully. It's very different than the book... and very different than other adaptations I've seen. Much more... menacing?... I think is the word I want? Plus it's a nice slow burn. Deliberately. They have the main character walk all the way up a long set of stairs only to be told that what he's looking for is back down where he started. It would be easy to write that off as a big waste of time, but it's the character's reaction to this setback which makes it so essential to understanding him. AND THEY DON'T EVEN LEAVE IT AT THAT. They revisit in a way that's both funny and even more revealing.

But the real treat is the cinematography. Holy shit is this beautiful. Every single frame looks like it you could pop it out of the film and hang it on your wall. Seriously. I can't even begin to tell you how gorgeous this is. And then there's Andrew Scott absolutely killing it. Again! His work here is a masterclass. Every look he has... every move he makes... no matter how small... it's all important as he paints the role. Highly recommended series if you don't demand a breakneck pace to your viewing.

   
• Oui Oui! This cat speaks flawless French. But don't worry... there's subtitles...

If they didn't already have a cat, they do now.

   
Back to hammering then.

I was awakened by Jenny crying in the stairwell shortly after 1:00am this morning. I called to her and she came running to hop on the bed with me. I was worried she might be sick or in pain because she was acting strange... making squeaks and moving around like she couldn’t get comfortable. I was genuinely concerned that I was going to end up with an emergency trip to the vet. But was also thinking that she might have just woke herself up with a nightmare or something. Poor thing...

A half hour later, she finally settled down and went to sleep...

That's when I noticed that Jake was still there sleeping (along with Mufasa, which I had found for him earlier)...

According to my Apple Watch, I fell asleep at 2:10am. But then got woken up again at 2:52 by Jenny puking her guts out. Jake ran off (and who could blame him?) and I resisted the urge to talk to her or pet her, because I didn't want her to vomit running and give me more to clean up. After she had puked up a gallon, she too ran off. Leaving me with having to strip the bed and clean up.

When I went downstairs to the laundry room, I saw that both cats were relaxing on their heating pads. Jenny didn't seem to be in any pain when I pressed around trying to see if there was anything wrong, but it's hard not to worry...

After grabbing a couple blankets to put on my bed, I tried to fall asleep, but didn't have any luck. I kept sneaking downstairs to check on Jenny and make sure she was still okay. After I tossed the bedding in the dryer, I gave up trying to sleep and read until it was time to feed the cats their breakfast. Jenny looked okay, but seemed a little unsteady. I was glad I could stay home the weekend to keep an eye on her.

After returning from buying lumber, I thought I'd try to take a nap. Jenny was all... What happened to the blanket? And I was all... You puked like A GALLON of vomit on it last night, so it had to be wiped off and put in the wash. 3 or 4 times. Then THIS blanket will have to be washed then the sheets then the mattress protector. So thanks for that! And Jenny was all... No problem! I know you washed everything last Wednesday, but I prefer twice a week bedding washes instead of weekly anyway!

When I fell asleep, Jenny was with me. But when I woke up, Jake was there...

When night came, I thought I had better get the bed ready...
ME: "Jenny, I know you think you're being all adorable by refusing to move off the bed while I'm trying to make it... but I assure you that you are not."
ALSO ME: "Awwww! Who am I kidding? Who cares that you were the one who puked all over the bed at 2:52am so I had to wash everything again after just three days? Who's the prettiest girl? Who's the prettiest girl?"
JENNY: "Do you want me to puke on this shit again tonight? No? Might want to hold that embarrassing (but wholly accurate) talk."

I keep bringing in bedding. She moved. But in top of the sheets. For comfort, I'd imagine...

I pulled the sheets to fit them and she jumps off. Then stares at me with murder in her eyes...

Guess I’m forgiven though...

So, yeah. Quite a night. Hopefully it won't be repeated tonight.

I was only away from Jake and Jenny for two nights.

They have automated feeders. Automated litter boxes. Multiple water fountains. And neighbors who know I was gone and will step up if there's an explosion or something. And yet? I am still checking in on the security cameras multiple times a day to make sure the food is dispensing and there's nothing wrong. I know parents who are not this concerned about their children, so I'm either a really good cat dad or they're really bad parents. Or both.

Except...

Maybe the bad parents are actually the better parents.

I looked in and saw Jenny laying on the electric blanket. I was all guilty and "AWWWWWW!" so I remotely heated up that blanket. Just a little treat for her since I wasn't there (I intentionally leave it lumpy and messed up because the cats like to nest, the rest of the bed is totally made, I swear!)...

Later I got a notice that the automated feeders had triggered, so I looked in, and... no Jenny? This is incredibly unusual. Jake is sometimes late to a meal because he's lazy, but Jenny? Never. She is sprinting for the food the second she hears that kibble hit the bowl.

So I look at all the cameras and... he's still on the blanket?

I'm immediately worried she's dead, so I scrub the camera footage to see if she's been moving. AND OF COURSE SHE HAS BEEN! SHE JUST LIKES A WARM BLANKET! MY BAD! So by being the "good cat dad" I've deprived my cat of her lunch. Because this time Jake was not lazy. And of course he ate all the food.

And now I'm home.

Whether I'm gone 8 hours or 8 days, Jake comes running the minute I open the door so he can get petted. And it seems like every time he wants to be petted more. And when I don't pet him as much as he wants, he follows me around crying.

Whether I'm gone 8 hours or 8 days, Jenny hides from the total stranger invading her house. Eventually, if she doesn't hear her brother getting murdered, she'll peek out and see what's happening. Then, if I move too fast, run out of the room as fast as she can because apparently she thinks I'm a cat murderer after all.

But, hey, at least they survived my absence and didn't burn the house down, so I'm good.