I had a huge list of chores I needed to get done today, but have been so exhausted from lack of sleep that I didn't really have the energy to do any of it.

So what did I do instead of working around the house? I sat on the couch and veged out in front of the television. I was hoping that would lead to me falling asleep and getting a nap, but that wasn't to be.

The good news is that I had company. I looked up and saw Jenny staring at me from the table...

And next thing I know, I have a television buddy snuggled up next to me...

Which, let's face it, is a lot better than sleep anyway.

My cats have been even more lazy than usual today and I'm following their lead. Instead of cleaning the house, doing laundry, and taking care of all the boring and mundane human crap that I should be doing... I'm laying in bed and scrolling through the internet.

Which, as you probably realize, is mostly cat videos and cat content.

I saw this post from last August and it couldn't be more authentic cat...

   
This one killed me. Be sure to watch with the sound on because the hilarity is worth the effort...

   
I'd gladly go to Starbucks for a pup cup for my cats if it would make them like riding in the car. Just listen to this cat...

   
And now, this...

   
I'll stop there because I could drop dozens and dozens of other things that have been inundating my personal time lately.

And you, if you'll excuse me, I'm scrubbing the cat feeding station, cleaning the water fountains, filling the Litter-Robots, washing the kitty warming pad covers, and doing all the other cat-maintenance chores that Jake and Jenny demand of me.

Yesterday the cats' feeders went off for lunch while I was meal-prepping ingredients for veggie wraps. Jake was all over his food but Jenny was nowhere to be found. I called to her, but she never showed up. So rather than having Jake scarf her food as well, I took the bowl out and sat it on the counter.

Then, as I was dicing tomatoes, I heard this howling that sounded like it was made by an animal on a vibrating bed. I looked down to tell Jake that he already had his lunch and he can't have his sister's too... but it WAS his sister! Jenny was howling, but apparently she was so furious that her lunch was gone that she was shaking. Or something. I honestly don't know what her deal was.

So I was like "Alight, ALRIGHT! I'm getting it!" and she started chowing down.

At this point I'm convinced that my cats really do see themselves as kittens and me as their cat dad. Because they act like spoiled little brats who just start complaining and crying and howling the second that something doesn't go their way. And it's getting worse all the time. Jenny has gotten frustrated and cried before, but it was nothing like what's going on now.

And just look at this shit...

There I was on a Zoom meeting, petting Jake all the while. All of a sudden I feel him flop on my hand and there it is... HE'S FALLEN ASLEEP ON MY HAND! Doesn't give a single shit about it. What's weirder is that one of his eyes was still kind of open, which lead me to believe that he might actually be faking it because he wanted to lay on my hand. That's totally something my cats would do.

The little bastards.

We've had serious snow this past week, which has driven the cats more than a little crazy because the birds have concentrated their activity on the bushes behind the house. Jake and Jenny spend a crazy about of time looking out the window to see what's going on.

When they're not being entertained by their feathered nemeses out the window, they're inside pretending to be cold in the hopes that I'll turn the heat up...

Which is ridiculous since it's far from freezing and they have warming pads they can lay on. Which is Jake's favorite thing because he likes having a warm head. Most times he sleeps with his head up-side-down on the pad...

That he does this 23-1/2 hours a day would be concerning for a human, but is probably normal for a cat.

Cats have relatively short lives. And I am incredibly aware of this.

If I'm lucky, I've got another ten years with Jake and Jenny... and, if we're all lucky, they'll have the rest of their lives with me. And that's the thing. Because my cats have such limited time on this earth, I really don't deny them anything. If one of them wants to be petted, I will drop whatever I'm doing to pet them. I mean, I'm not going to make myself late for work or a dentist appointment or taking a cake out of the oven, but most anything else? Not as important as making sure their short time (not sleeping) is doing whatever makes them happy.

Such as attending a meeting on my crappy TV webcam and not caring that Jake is on my lap. Even when he's woken up when I have to talk...

Jenny, on the other hand, just runs away and hides.

Wish that was an option for me.

Today was not a very good day at all. A lot of crazy stuff mucking things up from the moment I turned on my computer at 5:50am until just a few moments ago when I was getting ready to feed the cats their dinner and wanted to turn the stairwell lights on for Jenny because she was still upstairs.

And here's how that went...

ME: "Hey Siri, turn on stair lights."
SIRI: Turns on lights.
SONOS: Plays Starlight by Muse.
JAKE: I'm hungry.
JENNY: Okay, I'm here. Scratch my ass.

Now, Siri actually turning on the lights is not fully expected, but also not surprising. Jake being hungry and Jenny wanting ass scratches are to be expected.

What was completely unexpected was Sonos playing Starlight.

Sonos never does the fuck what you want it to do when you ask it to do something directly and call it by name. Its voice assistant is shit (even if it has a great speaking voice). So why the heck did it pipe up with its bullshit when "Siri" sounds nothing like "Sonos?" Not even in the same ballpark.

But I did get to listen to a song by Muse, so there's that...

I am seriously beginning to wonder if a "smart" home isn't for me.

The cats have been extra crafty lately.

Like they're stalking each other. I think it started as an accident, but then things escallated and now they're hunting each other for fun.

Here's Jake looking down the stairwell as his sister comes back from running around downstairs...

But it's just play. They're not aggressive about it or anything. They still hang out being indifferent towards each other...

Meanwhile: It's a tale as old as time this morning...

JENNY: You should rub my belly.
ME: No. It's a trap.
JENNY: It's not a trap. Here's my belly... rub it.
ME: No.
JENNY: Look how fluffy it is tho.
ME: You just want an excuse to attack me.
JENNY: RUB IT! RUB MY BELLY!
ME: OKAY!!
=kicking and scratching ensues=
JENNY: HOW DARE YOU ATTEMPT TO RUB MY BELLY!
=five minutes later=
JENNY: Rub my belly.

Jenny's default mode of existence when it comes to sharing her house with me is apparently "STOP TRYING TO KILL MEEEEEE!!!" She runs away in terror when I dare approach her. Because, oh no, she is the one who will approach me... assuming she feels like it. And God forbid you dare to try and reach out to touch her. Unless she approaches and demands to be petted, it just isn't done.

But somehow this just endears me to her more, because she's 110% a little princess, and any interactions with her are strictly on her terms.

Jake is more aloof, not bothering to move as I approach unless he's in weird panic mode... and willing to be petted without an invitation.

This past week when I was away for Thanksgiving, all their needs are met by feeding robots and litter box robots. I can check in via security cameras whenever I think about it (which is often) but they don't really need me for anything unless the food in the feeders runs out or the waste drawer in the litter box fills up.

And yet...

Jake misses me when I'm gone for work. He really misses me when I'm away from home. When he hears the garage door open, he runs to the bottom of the stairs where he'll wait for the pass-door to open... then make sure that it's actually me and not a rogue cat murderer stopping by... then come running to get petted. A lot.

Jenny, naturally, hides upstairs until she feels that Jake hasn't been cat murdered, then saunters down some time later.

At which point she'll decide if I'm allowed to touch her.

Kitty News! Kitty News! It's time for Kitty News!

Alas, we have to start with Jake being a bad kitty. My cats know... they know... that they are not allowed on the kitchen countertops. It's the only area of the house they can't go, because I'm a kitchen clean-freak. But, well, they're cats, and so it's not like I can trust them. So I have two security cameras with a countertop "zone" that will alert me if there's movement there. My interior cameras turn off when I'm home except these two, because I want those alerts.

This past week Jake has been ignoring the countertop rule, and I don't know why. The first time was this past Wednesday. I'm at work, I get an alert, I tune in and see this...

So I use the microphone to yell at him, he jumped off, and I thought that would be the end of it for a while.

Then it happened again on Friday.

And then this morning I wanted falafel for breakfast. It happens. After frying it up, I let the oil cool so I can strain it and use it a couple more times. But do you know what happened after it had cooled a bit? JAKE JUMPED ON THE COUNTER AND STARTED DRINKING THE OIL! GAAAAHHH! The little shithead! Not only can't I use the oil again, I have to worry if the oil is going to do anything other than make sure Jake shits out his hairballs easier. GAAAAHH!!!

After chasing him off the countertop, he scampered upstairs IN SHAME! That lasted all of ten minutes before he was downstairs laying next to me expecting pets...

Jenny, on the other hand, has been an angel...

She may insist on a foot massage sometimes, but she's still an angel...

Except... when she wakes me up at 12:30am wanting attention and I can't fall back asleep for 2-1/2 hours...

Now, to be fair, Jenny has woken up from what I'm assuming are nightmares since she was a kitten. And this is likely what the situation was. Because the minute I turn the light off at night to go to bed, she immediately hops off the bed and runs downstairs (Jake goes to the end of the bed and sleeps there). So she better not be waking me up for a foot rub!

Meanwhile in the kitty igloo shelter...

The Mystery Cat, whom we're pretty sure is not Fake Jake, is still showing up as it gets colder and colder at night...

But this cat isn't the only visitor. The neighbor's dog is curious about the new intruder's scent...

And that's your Kitty News update.

Last Thursday night Princess Jenny woke me up crying her head off at 1:30am. Jake was already sleeping at the end of the bed and I didn't know she left. So I called down to her because apparently she forgot where my bedroom is (something they BOTH do, often) and she comes running in for pets.

She's had what I'm guessing are "bad dreams" since she was a kitten, and sometimes she wakes up in a panic where she cries like this. According to my Apple Watch, I petted her for 15 minutes before falling asleep again, and the security cameras show she wandered back down shortly after. BUT HERE'S THE THING... Jake followed her down...

And though I don't have a camera on the warming pads, I'm pretty sure he laid down with her for the rest of the night, because they both left at the same time, which they usually only do if one of them is next to (or on top of) the other. That's kinda sweet, isn't it?

I've had the kitty igloos out for a while now just in case Fake Jake is trapped outside and needs a warm spot to hang out. I've been recording some strange temperature fluctuations I can't explain, so I finally put a camera in there to see what's going on. Apparently nothing. Although... I don't think this is Fake Jake...

I mentioned a couple weeks ago that I was worried Jake has a touch of arthritis, so I've been making some changes to (hopefully) make his life a little easier as he gets older. One of the things I did was order some ramps for the Litter-Robots. But here's the thing... every time I saw the cats using the toilet, they were leaping over the stairs! They weren't using them at all! So I set up the security cameras to keep an eye out and, sure enough, Jenny started using the stairs in short order...

Eventually Jake too has realized that using the stairs won't hurt him, and it does look easier for him, so I'm thinking it was money well-spent.