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FridayQ: Foolish

Posted on Friday, April 1st, 2005

Dave!Something foolish you've seen... On the way to work this morning, I saw a woman walking her cat on a leash. The humiliation that this poor cat must have been feeling was priceless.

Something foolish you've heard about... In the "it could only happen in Indiana" department: A company selling cement replicas of famous works like "The Venus di Milo" and Michelangelo's "David" has been ordered to cover these classical works with clothing so as to be in compliance with Indiana state obscenity laws. The best part... the law stipulates that material is obscene and harmful to minors if "considered as a whole, it lacks serious literary, artistic, political or scientific value." Yes, that's right, Venus and David have no artistic value!! Not just foolish... really, really, stupid.

Something foolish you've done recently... Spent an hour looking for a video game yesterday that won't be released until April 5th.

FQ FOOLERY: Tell us of a memorable moment where somebody fooled, punk'd, or pranked you! Given the friends I hang out with, there are so many incidents that it's difficult for me to choose. I'd say the most memorable times I've been punk'd all involve a friend who became very, very wealthy during the dot-com explosion. He was crazy before he became instantly wealthy, but became certifiable after the money started pouring in. He would think nothing about spending thousands of dollars to charter a plane to Vegas for a few friends and then buy out a suite at some swanky hotel for the weekend... that's just the kind of guy he is... (the story continues in an extended entry).

Act the fool at the FridayQ.

One day long ago, I got a phone call from him wanting to know what I was up to. Unfortunately I was on my way to L.A., and so whatever he was planning would have to be done without me. So I get into LAX and collect my luggage so I can drag my ass to the car rental counter. But along the way I see a chauffeur holding a sign with my name on it. At first I thought that it was for somebody else, but my name is rather unique, so I asked him about it. Turns out my friend had arranged for me to have a limo on-call for the duration of my stay (and I'm here to tell you that if you've never had a limo awaiting your every transportation need, I can highly recommend it). After calling to cancel my rental car reservation, I give my friend a call to thank him for the generous gift. He didn't give it a second thought and asked what I had planned for the evening. Truth was, I had nothing planned. I thought I might drop by a couple of comic book stores and then go to bed early so I could get up and prepare for a meeting I had on Monday.

"Well that sucks." He says. "YOU'RE IN L.A. ON A SATURDAY - get your ass out there and have fun!"

"Nah," I reply. "I'd rather take it easy. Maybe tomorrow night I'll go see a movie."

He had a good laugh over that, and off I went to my hotel, making a huge impression on the bellmen with my grand entrance in a limo. I checked into my room, cleaned up a bit, then went charging down to the car so I could go hunt down a comic book I was looking for at one of L.A.'s many excellent comic book shops. It was kind of fun because everywhere I'd go, people would stare and wonder if I was somebody famous when I stepped out of the limo. After a couple of hours it was nearing 5:00, so I decided to go back to the hotel, call my girlfriend, and decide what I wanted to do for dinner.

After taking a shower, I started making calls so I could get them over with and go out for a bite to eat. While on the line with my mother to let her know that I had made it to L.A. safely, there was a knock at the door. Turns out that a limo was not all my friend had hired for me. Standing in the doorway were two "female companions" complete with a bottle of champagne! They said that they were there to take me out and have a good time. Much embarassed, I explained that I didn't really think I was up for it. But they would have none of that, and insisted we should go out to dinner and have some fun.

And so we did.

But not in the way you think... they were escorts, not hookers. And... errrr... I was attached at the time and am just not that kind of guy! Yeah, that's the ticket!

Rolling back to the hotel at 1:30am, I said goodbye to my "company" and dismissed the driver until 1:00 that afternoon for a lunch run. Then went up to my room and passed out, eventually waking up around 10am. After getting cleaned up, I called my friend. "Hey, thanks for the night out!" I say. "You already thanked me" he replies. "No, I meant for the ladies!" I laugh...

"Errrr... what ladies?"

And then the nightmare begins. He doesn't know what I'm talking about, never hired any women, and says that it must have been some kind of mistake. Maybe they got the wrong room or something. At this point, I don't know what to think, and am a little freaked out. I've still got a few hours until the limo is picking me up, so I decide to have a snack from the honor bar and watch TV... the entire time wondering what in the heck happened last night.

And then there's a knock at the door... "room service!" I hadn't ordered anything, but figured my friend had taken pity on me and had sent something up. Imagine my surprise when I opened the door to find NOT a waiter with a sandwich tray, but instead a huge black man barging into my room. "YOUS TOOK MY BITCHES, AND NOW YOUS GONNA PAY MUTHA f#@%ER!!" Naturally, I came very close to pissing myself, and attempted to rapidly explain that there had been some kind of mistake. "GONNA PAY BIG MUTHA f#@%ER!" he bellows as he falls on me...

... and then gives me a hug and starts laughing. "THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE... BWAAAAHHH HA HA HAAAA!"

The entire thing was a set-up. This guy had been in the lobby just waiting for my friend to call him so he could spring into action. I had been punk'd big-time. After bidding the big man adieu ("take it easy man!" he says), I call up my "friend." "Yeah, yeah... ha ha ha you bastard" I say.

All I hear is hysterical laughter on the other end of the line.


Categories: Memes 2005Click To It: Permalink
   

Comments

  1. theMike says:

    That is, bar none, the funniest prank I’ve ever heard. L.A. is the perfect place for it too. I probably would have shat myself.

  2. Dave2 says:

    It’s funny to me now… not back then.

    My cracker white-boy ass was like NOTHING compared to the “pimp” that he hired to come “make me pay.” I remember quite clearly thinking “well, I’m dead.”

    A valuable lesson was learned, however: To this day I never open a hotel door without looking through the peep-hole first… ESPECIALLY for room service!

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