I may not have a three day weekend like some people in the USA, but don't you fear about me making time for bullets... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...
• Small, Small World! The Disfarers YouTube channel has been interesting, and I've been going back through them to see what I missed. This one from three months ago is hands-down one of the most fascinating Disney Parks video I've ever seen. It's not just about It's a Small World, it's about the fascinating process of Imagineering which has a lot of cameos by a lot of rides...
While not a fan of the ride so much, I'm a massive fan of Mary Blair, and have always appreciated the artistry of the ride. And now I appreciate it even more.
• Wedneday Murder Club? Why. Why would Netflix make a major change to The Thursday Murder Club when they KNOW that this has screwed up faithfully adapting the future books? Insanity. Just insanity. I know the book was much deeper and some things (like back-story) would be lost when translated to a 2-hour movie (requiring some things to change), but this? THIS?!? What possible reason? My opinion of Chris Columbus as a director just dropped several stories. And the pacing is awful. Slow at the start where things could have been cut, then rushes to the botched ending where the time should have been spent. Character personalities are changed to bad effect. A good director would understand the books well enough to realize that this change wasn't a good one, and had the writers re-think things. Jeez what a disappointment. If you buy the rights to the book to turn it into the movie... ADAPT THE FUCKING BOOK! Two out of five stars because I'm mad a book series I love with actors I love was mostly good... until it wasn't.
• Atom Man vs. Superman! YouTube has a lot of cool restoration videos. The ones I'm enjoying now are the paper poster videos, because it always amazes me how they can just dump water on everything in order to flatten it (something I've tried after watching it, and it works... if you're careful). This last one I saw is very cool because it's so big...
I cannot imagine how much this kind of restoration would cost.
• Peaches! In my news feed, there was an article about Thomas Rhett's wife being pregnant with their fifth child. And I didn't know who that was. So I Googled him and some images popped up. Didn't recognize him, but he's obviously a famous country singer. then I see him in a Boston Red Sox jersey and am like... okay... I like him already. Then I see how famous he is, and I'm like... oh... I'm sure I've heard his stuff then. I click on the Boston photo and it's from his Instagram. I click though to that. He's got a beautiful family. And then I see gem...
Legendary dad material.
• Cracker! I didn't think that the new Cracker Barrel logo was terrible (for the minute it was used). But it was beyond terrible FOR Cracker Barrel. The thing about branding is that people can get incredibly attached to stuff that they form a relationship with. If you're changing something, for better or worse, they're going to react. So you had better have a very good reason to do it. And you need to be very smart about how you do it. This was a massive misstep from the jump, all because whomever was in charge of this mess committed the First Sin of Branding... they did not know their own audience. Because to say that this was a glaringly obvious disaster is not an understatement...
I don't even have Cracker Barrel where I live (the nearest one is in Vegas) but I reacted with a wince to the rebrand because I knew immediately how it would be received. Because I've been to one of them once. A decade ago. What's ironic is that they probably did it hoping it would be more appealing to society at large because sales were sliding. Now they're in the dumpster having to try and crawl their way out.
• Negative Four-And-A-Half Stars! Maybe I was too quick condemning Paramount+ for canceling Strange New Worlds after an upcoming abbreviated fifth season. Because Four and a Half Vulcans has got to be one of the shittiest episodes of ANY Star Trek I've ever seen. Good Lord. Somebody watched this dumpster fire and thought it should air? How did it get past script stage in the first place? It would have been better to cut it completely and come up an episode short this season than to air something this horrendously bad...
Apparently when you take the Vulcanizing serum, it changes your hairstyle!
The stupid... it still lingers.
• Insecticide! And lastly, allow me to once again comment on a botched adaptation. Butterfly, the comic book series, was a brisk four issues. It was breakneck storytelling and an interesting read. So when I found out that Prime Video adapted the comics with a leisurely six episodes, I was excited. Watching it, I didn't think it was as good as the source material because it got repetitive in ways that weren't interesting... but I liked the cast and thought "Well, this will be a nice diversion!"
AND THEN I GOT TO THE END WHERE THEY CREATED A STUPID FUCKING CLIFFHANGER AND A NONSENSICAL FUCKING TWIST TO SET UP A SECOND SEASON THAT I WILL NEVER... NEVER EVER... WATCH. What a lazy-ass pile of shit. Why is it that nobody can just complete a series any more? It always, always has to have a stupid-ass cliffhanger for a next season that may never come. Lazy fucking writers. Just tie everything up with an ending in case this is all we get! Then, if you get a second season, you can find a new and exciting angle to begin again. But NOPE! Easier to just fuck over the audience. And "easy" is all these talentless hacks have to offer. My God. It's getting to where I don't want to watch TV series any more. Though movies are doing it too. Netflix made a shitty The Old Guard sequel, which I hated, then ended that MOVIE on a cliffhanger which probably won't be resolved. I need to create a new website explicitly where people can share whether or not a show ends on yet another lazy-ass fucking cliffhanger so people can decide whether or not they want to invest time in something THAT MAY NEVER BE FINISHED. At least The Thursday Murder Club was smartly written enough to have a satisfying conclusion (well, if you haven't read the books).
If you're an American who's off work tomorrow, enjoy your day off from labor. If you're an American who's not off work tomorrow (like me) try and enjoy your Monday.
The Dog Days of Summer may be slowly fading, but the Bullets of Summer are still sticking around... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...
• Yesterland! This video of Disneyland in 1956 is wild. Everybody dressed up for a day out at Disneyland... from dress shirts with long pants and full on suits... to sundresses or Capri pants... nobody was in jeans and a T-shirt (and where were short pants for the guys?)...
I remember for my first visit 20 years later it was the same. My brother and I were dressed up in matching green suits that my grandmother made. And the reason I remember them so clearly? Because the threads in my suit glowed when we were riding It's a Small World. I remember the suits right down to how the buttons looked (but don't ask me what I had for dinner last night). And, wow, were the attractions very different at the beginning! No E-ticket rides in 1956 because they didn't come until three years later. And of course this were back in the days where not much was politically correct. Something I didn't know is that Disneyland was never segregated. Walt Disney wanted everybody with the means to pay to visit the Happiest Place on Earth. That being said, there are precious few non-white people in this film (except for the "Indian Village" entertainment, of course). Interestingly enough, the boat skippers on The Jungle Cruise fired AT the hippos instead of in the air to "scare" them back in the day. Vicious.
• I've Been Framed! Every payday I've been buying picture frames to hang up prints and art and maps and bits and pieces I've been collecting over the past 50 years. Last time, I bought some frames that arrived in a totally a different color than I ordered, so they refunded me 50% of the cost and I just spray-painted them. Score! Today they finally stopped smelling, so I hung them up. They're prints by Bill Mudron as a tribute to Hayao Miyazaki and his Studio Ghibli films (based on prints by Kawase Hasui). I love them. There were actually five I wanted, but two of them were sold out, so I got the these three, which are incredible. They're in the hall as I walk in the front door...
Dang. I wish I could afford glare-free museum glass (to get a closeup glare-free look at them, you can visit the artist's website here). What I really love is that the characters from the films are almost hard to spot in these prints because they're very small. In mine for Princess Mononoke and Spirited Away and My Neighbor Totoro, you have to look a minute...
I really wanted the prints for Kiki's Delivery Service and Ponyo as well...
You can buy reproductions on Mudron's website, but you can't get them at the size of the original prints, dangit. I may buy a few smaller reproductions to hang somewhere else in my home, because they're so frickin' amazing.
• The Plot Thickens! If you've never seen Robots Draw, you're missing out. I knew about the account, but I didn't know that the guy behind it did a TedTalk...
Before I could afford a dot matrix printer, I had an Atari 1020 4-color pen plotter, which I'm reminded of every time I see a Robots Draw reel...
The printer was mostly for fun because the paper was only 4.5-inches wide, but it was better than nothing. Even if it took forever to print text because the letters had to be drawn one by one. Wikipedia has a short article on the unit here (which is where I got the photo).
• Gooey! I honesty don’t know how in the hell got to be THIS BAD at Apple after Steve Jobs’s died. Granted, I am using a public beta of the latest iOS, and this might be fixed... but... what the fuck does this last button do in Apple Music?
The first is shuffle. The second is repeat. The third is infinity auto-play. But that fourth button provides no feedback as to actually doing anything, so I have no idea. This odd set of buttons could very well be the worst GUI design I’ve ever seen. Coming from a company that used to care about GUI! Fortunately, long-time blogging friend LeSombre managed to remember an article about this very topic and was able to tell me it means "AutoMix" and Apple describes it as "Songs transition at the perfect moment, based on analysis of the key and tempo of the music." So I immediately turned it off, because I wondered why in the hell the end of a song was either sped up or slowed down in weird fucking ways as it faded to the next song via CarPlay. No thank you. And, on that note... APPLE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PROVIDE SOME FEEDBACK FOR YOUR FUCKING BUTTONS SO PEOPLE KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THEY ACTUALLY DO!
• Only Connect! If you've ever been frustrated by The New York Times puzzle "Connections," you should know that it was inspired (or stolen) from a UK quiz show Only Connect. These puzzles always feel incredibly difficult, and I can't fathom having to solve them within a time limit. It usually takes me forever when I have forever!
In other news... "Father's Day" was invented at a YMCA in Washington State?!??
• Atmosphere! Alaska Airlines has rebranded their loyalty program as "Atmos" now that they've merged with Hawaiian Airlines. Which is fine, I guess, if not for the fact that Dolby Atmos home theater sound standard already exists. I'm guessing that there was no trademark danger since they are wildly different industries, but I still wonder why they'd go with this?
"Atmos" isn't a real word. At best it's an abbreviation for "atmosphere" (which is where Dolby got it, I'm sure, because they're creating an atmosphere of sound). Not sure where Alaska's head is at here, but I can't help but think they could have come up with something better.
• Winds of Waiting! I am clinging to the idea that the person asking this horrific question has challenges gauging social situations and perhaps didn't know that what they were asking is awful. Anything else just beats down my faith in humanity to new lows. I don't care how impatient you are for the next book, this is inhuman. And I have zero doubt that this question already haunts George RR Martin himself. So... why?
That. Being. Said. While undeserving of... whatever this was... Martin has kinda brought fan frustration on himself. He has been stringing everybody along for thirteen YEARS. All the promises and all the assurances of Winds of Winter being a "priority" falling by the wayside while he finds another TV show or movie or game or book or convention or talk show or whatever to do. Anything but actually getting the work done. Add to that the HBO adaption utterly destroying the ending of the A Game of Thrones adaptation and making fans even more anxious to know how everything "really" ends... and, well, it takes things to new levels. — No, he did not deserve this terrible question. But I have to wonder if George RR Martin wasn't constantly making promises he couldn't keep, would we have an environment where people feel entitled to ask a question like this in the first place? Something to ponder. Also something to ponder? BRANDON SANDERSON COMPLETING A SONG OF FIRE AND ICE?!? Good Lord. I'd rather have no ending than that. These authors in no conceivable way complement each other. Like... at all.
Now it's time to go pick tomatoes for my dinner.
Well, this day was awful. Which you can read about tomorrow. Suffice to say that I am wondering exactly how much longer I have before I collapse in a pile of anxiety and have a heart attack. There is no corner of my life that is consistently stress-free except one, and then even that went off like a (temporary) bomb.
But hey, maybe I'll die of the mother-fucking plague and won't have to worry about it. Fingers crossed. Though with dipshit anti-science fuckhead RFK Jr. in charge of America's health, I probably don't need to cross my fingers. It almost seems inevitable that I'll die of the plague. Or whatever major health crisis drops on us which could have been addressed by science, but RFK Jr. killed mRNA research... or what-the-fuck-ever miracle that scientists were working on... so we're all hopelessly fucked.
If only I could just stick my head in the sand and pretend that the world isn't a toxic pile of shit, I could have a stable baseline from which I could deal with all the other anxiety-inducing shit assaulting me.... but no. This is our normal now.
I'm choosing to embrace the horror.
What else is there?
But anyway...
Today when I got home from work (and was preparing to do more work) I happened across an article "debunking" the infamous Jenny Nicholson video: The Spectacular Failure of the Star Wars Hotel. It had me laughing out loud because it clearly... clearly... failed badly to "debunk" shit. Jenny, who is the absolute dream guest for a themed hotel because she lives for this stuff, nailed it. She fucking nailed it. She manages to clearly explain why her trip sucked, make comparisons to alternatives, use her vast knowledge of immersive experiences to critique what was offered, brutally dissect Disney's endless greed and incompetence, all while presenting it in a way only she can.
It's glorious.
So tonight I've had it playing while I work... for the sixth time. Which is insane considering the video is four hours long. But I can't help it. Every minute of those four hours is gold. If you haven't watched it, I can't possibly recommend it more...
And, on that note, back to work I guess. Good night. Don't let the plague doctor bite.
I'm way too tired to blog, but here I am again... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...
• Memories Do Pass. It seems so strange that two more musicians from my youth have passed... namely Ozzy Osbourne and Chuck Mangione...
As if that weren't enough, Malcolm-Jamal Warner, most known for playing Theo Huxtable on The Cosby Show also died in a tragic drowning accident. I prepared for getting to the point where all the people from my memories were going to start dying, but I wasn't prepared for how quickly they're passing. Every month a couple more seem to leave us, and I can't help but wonder how many more will go before I do.
• McMissing McPies! I don't give a shit how "unhealthy" McDonald's fried pies were... I want them back. Who eats at McDonald's to be healthy?
Of course McDonald's is so fucking expensive now that I can't really afford to eat there any more, so it's not like it matters. Though I might be willing to take out a second mortgage if it meant I could have a fried McPie again.
• Perfect 'Maters! When I had to transfer my tomato plants outside, I was certain that they would be pecked at by birds and spoiled by bugs. But no....
Am I just phenomenally lucky? Because the biggest problem I have is to wash off the water spots. They tomatoes themselves are beautiful.
• Ares! The original Tron is one of my favorite films of all time. The sequel was okay but hardly in the same league. About all I could say was that the special effects were darn good. And now another sequel has landed and... well... the special effects look darn good...
It looks far removed from the initial concept, though the idea of computer constructs from the digital world being able to make their way into our world was where the sequel ended up, so here we are. If nothing else, I hope it's at least entertaining.
• Mickey Kicked the Bucket? ZOMFG! WHEN DID MICKEY MOUSE DIE?!??
When I was at the Walt Disney World Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party last year, I saw that there are people lining up to buy dozens of the special event popcorn buckets and sipper cups. That's some big business on eBay, apparently.
• Leaving Las Vegas! Pre-pandemic, I had several work trips to Las Vegas for the charity I volunteered with. But over the years there were fewer, because we were finding the number of conventions wanting to hold events in Vegas were fewer. This video offers some interesting insight into the many problems which make Sin City a less-desirable vacation destination...
#1 on my list? Fucking "resort fees." I personally avoid Vegas for this one reason. I hate being lied to about the rate I'm paying. Hotels country-wide should be forced to list the TOTAL PRICE YOU WILL BE CHARGED at the time you book your lodging. And those absurd fucking "Restaurant Fees" and "CNF Fees" are #2 on my list.
• Republican Speaker of the House Just Loooooooves Pedophiles! Well this should shock absolutely nobody... "Speaker Mike Johnson said he would send lawmakers home early for their summer recess in order to head off Democratic demands for votes on calling for the release of files from the investigation into Jeffrey Epstein." Gotta protect pedophiles at all costs, I guess. There must be some huge donors and very important politicians on that list. Why else would you protect pedophiles?
And now we just wait for Ghislaine Maxwell to give an interview with the FBI where she says that no Republicans were on the list, names a few token Democrats, then gets mysteriously pardoned by the President of the United States for finally "telling the truth to the American people." Because keep in mind that only the President can pardon her crimes of supplying underage girls to Epstein Island.
And on that depressing note, off I go to try and get some sleep before facing the horrors on a new news day.
As I've already said... I have zero problem with Disney (the company) deciding to make an animatronic of Disney (the man) because Walt Himself had zero problems with dredging up people like Abraham Lincoln to be turned into a robot. So why not? In the end, I actually thought that it was a good thing.
At least I did until I saw what they came up with.
Does Walt Disney Company not have photos of Walt Disney? They did a terrible job of making something that even remotely resembles the guy...
I know it can't be perfect... but getting the hairline, eyebrows, and nose right would have gone a long ways towards a better resemblance.
I can't even figure out what era this is supposed to be from. It's not near his last appearance (bottom), that's for sure. Why wouldn't they take his look from the middle of the extremes that people recognize him from (top)? That would have made a lot more sense.
Yikes.
I guess those people saying that he should have never been ressurected as an animatronic have nothing to worry about.
Because that ain't him.
If you've been here at Blogography for any length of time, you know that theme park design is a big obsession of mine. So of course when Disney Parks Blog had an entry this morning about the new expansions to Disneyland, I took note.
To start, the new bridge over S. Harbor Blvd. which goes to a new load/unload zone and 6,000 space parking lot (along with the new entrance on the east-side) is very cool...
But my attention was laser-focused on the information for the new Coco ride...
I loved Coco. The gorgeous art of the film and incredible visuals would make a fantastic idea for an attraction. All we really know about the ride is that you're in a boat...
Now, one would assume that this new ride is going to be at least as big as It's a Small World or else why do it? On the Google Map below, It's a Small World is in the upper-left in pink. Dropping the ride at the location in the press release would put it at the location of the green building I've dropped in the lower-right of the same map below...
Except, a few problems...
And so the actual "Coco Land" will more likely be somewhere within the space I've drawn in green on the map at the lower-right below. It's located behind the IncrediCoaster...
The region I've drawn in yellow is the area available for the Avenger's Campus expansion (which I've already talked about here). The area in Blue is the area available for Avatar Pandora Land West (which seems surprisingly small)...
After these additions, the only real space available for expansion (other than the Disney Forward project areas which I talked about here) is the region to the north of the original Disneyland. That's assuming Disney doesn't buy more property in the area. But in order to use this land (which is fairly substantial, dwarfing even Star Wars Land), Disney would have to level a lot of expensive construction (including the massive Team Disney admin building and the warehouse where I'm guessing the parade floats are built and housed). This seems unlikely, but maybe a portion of this space could be used for park expansion...
At this point all I can really, really, hope for is that Disney doesn't cheap out and give us some crapy boat ride that's undeserving of Coco. It should be more than a bad retread of Gran Fiesta Tour Starring The Three Caballeros from Epcot's Mexico Pavilion. Much more. It should be a destination-worthy spectacle that draws people to the park just to see it.
The Coco ride should be every bit as big and impressive and jaw-dropping as what they did with Star Wars: Rise of the Resistance.
But will it be?
Only time will tell.
Aulani is a beautiful resort which strives to feel authentically Hawai‘ian in many ways. But because it is a Disney property, it is built with their movies and shows in mind to make it a destination that's uniquely theirs and worth a visit for their fans.
As you might guess, Lilo & Stitch is a big part of the intellectual property littered throughout the property. Stitch and Angel make regular appearances...
As does the title character from Moana, which is where you'll find the most stunningly authentic-looking film-to-screen representation of a cartoon character you'll ever see, because... holy crap...
Now here's where things get interesting.
Many people do not know about Mickey Mouse's teddy bear "Duffy." He was a gift from Minnie Mouse to keep Mickey from getting lonely when he's traveling the world. I know about Duffy because he's the signature character at Tokyo Disney Sea theme park (across from Tokyo Disneyland). I'm not kidding when I say that Duffy is at least as popular as Mickey Mouse there. Walking through the park it's all-Duffy all the time. He's everywhere.
My mom collected teddy bears and fell in love with Duffy after I brought her a small plush souvenir from one of my trips to Japan. He's never been very popular with Americans, but Duffy does appear at the USA parks anyway to appeal to visitors from Asia. My mom got to meet him a couple times when I took her along on work trips to Orlando and Los Angeles...
Because Hawai‘i is such a big tourist destination for Asia, Aulani has appearances by Duffy and ShellieMay (Minnie's teddy bear)...
But the signature Duffy character at Aulani is Olu Mel, the turtle. He was created specifically for Aulani, but can be found at the Disney parks in Asia too...
The line to visit him is long... packed with Duffy super-fans who may very well have come to Aulani just to see where Olu Mel came from...
A huge part of the entertainment for me came from the many art installations around the resort. There's a lot of it, and you could probably spend an entire day walking through every floor and the grounds trying to see it all...
Hey... Look at That! It's Maui's Magical Hook!
Other than the beach itself, the resort has plenty of water-based entertainment... pools, kiddie splash areas (including the terrific Menehune Bridge), and a lazy river, of course. Though too many people are hanging on a tube and practically running around the route. Which is kind of frustrating for people who just want to be lazy and float in the sun because you're constantly having to move out of their way...
There's also a couple water slides that go through lava tubes in the volcano that's in the middle of the resort. One for people and another for people on tubes...
Disney sells "MagicBands" at their parks and cruise ships that you can wear to open your room/cabin door, pay for purchases, and interact with stuff. You can also buy/use MagicBands at Aulani for the same purpose. Alas, there's not many interactive elements to be found and they are really difficult to activate. The biggest is the main lobby where a bird lights up on the floor and magical raindrops appear to hit the ground. Outside there's a hole in a rock where an owl lives... and a magical rock where a turtle appears when you wave a MagicBand over it...
It would be nice if Disney were to make these interactions work more easily and consistently, and had a lot more of them. Otherwise it's pretty tough to recommend buying a MagicBand except for the convenience of opening your hotel room door and paying for stuff.
Disney provides a bunch of free activities throughout the day. There's walking tours for art, wildlife, culture, and the resort design... fire pit storytelling... ‘ukulele lessons... etc. In addition, there's plenty of traditional free activities to be found. Ping pong, cornhole, crafts, boogie boards, and the like.
But there's also some "premium experiences" that are paid activities. Like yoga lessons on the beach. You can feed fish, snorkel, or even scuba dive at Rainbow Reef. You can take a painting classes. You can design your own Mickey ears. You can learn to mix cocktails. You can rent a cabana. You can go for a boat ride. And of course you can visit the pricey spa.
Overall there's plenty to do at the resort if relaxing on the beach is too boring for you (which was pretty much all I did, other than eat, during my first two stays). And, naturally, the rest of the island is there for you to explore... something I'd highly recommend. Just be warned that if you rent a car, parking is something like $40 a day at Aulani. If you're only running into Honolulu once or twice, it might be better to take a shuttle from the airport and use Über (the nearest bus stop is at least a mile from Aulani).
Ultimately, the high cost makes Aulani out of reach for most people. And I honestly don't know that I'd recommend it given the many, many other options on Oahu that are far cheaper. But if you're a Disney super-fan with money to burn, it's an experience that's tough to beat.
Disney's Aulani Resort on Oahu has plenty of dining options, and there's always at least one "plant-based" option on the menus for vegans and vegetarians, so you won't starve if you share my dietary choices. Furthermore, service is impeccable everywhere you go. Even at the one bad food experience I had, the server was beyond great. Food, generally is pretty darn expensive, but worth the price. You're paying to stay inside the Disney Bubble here, but I think that they put in the effort to at least give you some value for the money.
Here are the restaurant options I saw while visiting for my all-too-brief stay.
‘AMA‘AMA — 5 course, $130 (not including drinks)
Insanely expensive, but some of the best food you'll eat with service and views to match (we had a beach-view table). I started with a Waipoli Greens Salad, substituted the Ginger Chickpea Spread for the mushroom appetizer I couldn't eat, had a Local Vegetable Fricassee for my entrée, then the Pineapple Tart for dessert. Everything was perfect except reservations. I booked through the app at the only date and time available... 8:00pm on Wednesday, then saw it in my future plans. Before I left for Hawai‘i, I got a "Robo-Caller" call that I didn't pick up. Once I listened to the voicemail from ‘AMA‘AMA wanting confirmation, I immediately called back and confirmed. At which point my reservation disappeared. I eventually confirmed at the desk that my reservation had been canceled with no explanation, but got them to re-activate it. Finally stopped by the concierge desk because the reservation never appeared after too many shenanigans, and they got me a new reservation at 6:00pm for the same day (out of pity, I'm guessing). This nonsense was unacceptable, even though it resulted in a better time. Phenomenal experience though. You may even get an adorable teeny-tiny gecko friend to join you...
Makahiki — 3 course, $80 (not including drinks)
The only disappointment during my stay. My starter of a Roasted Tomato Soup was excellent. My dessert of Warm Mickey Brownies was great. But my entrée of Vegan Sausage Pasta? Inedible. Not even joking. No idea if it was cooked wrong or what, but the vegan pasta was tough, bone-dry, and gummy like glue. The sausage was rubber. Horrific. Could not believe it was served to me. Furthermore, when it comes to the view you can't see much past the greenery, so it wasn't as nice as what you could get elsewhere. Maybe the Character Breakfasts are good, but I would only eat here if you're not vegetarian.
The ‘Ōlelo Room — Price Varies
Gorgeous, intimate bar off of neighboring Makahiki. The malasadas donuts at breakfast were the best on the island I've had outside of Leonard's. But it's the drinks that are out of this world. We put ourselves in the hands of master mixologist, Aukai, who started with a menu drink... then took us on a custom cocktail journey built around the alcohol we started with. Two nights of some of the best-crafted cocktails I've ever had. Highest possible recommendation, but prepared to keep coming back and spending way more money than you plan because it's that good.
Off the Hook — Price Varies
This is a poolside and ocean-view bar which serves elevated bar food. Lunches are great. Plant-Based Burger ($23) is much better than average. Drinks are tasty.
KA WA‘A, A Lū‘au — Buffet, $190 (general seating) or $219 (preferred seating)
The Polynesian Cultural Center has what's probably the best lū‘au on the island of Oahu, but it's produced by The Mormons, so no alcohol is served. The entire point for me is getting plowed on unlimited cocktails which, surprisingly, Disney has available at Aulani. What they also have is a beautiful show that feels respectful to the art of hula, albeit with a small amount of Mickey and Minnie injected, which is a little inappropriate(?). I've done this lū‘au before but, not surprisingly, I don't remember much about the food. This time I can confirm that the food was pretty darn good for a lū‘au! And there was enough vegetarian options to satisfy me too. The price is crazy-high, but the production values are top-notch and more kid-friendly.
Ulu Cafe — Price Varies
This is a "grab-and-go" cafe/market which also has pizzas that are surprisingly good quality. My 12-inch Cheese Pizza had tasty sauce and a great crust. Don't know that it's worth the $20 price tag, but it's one of the cheaper meals at the resort.
Little ‘Opihi's — Price Varies
This is a beach-side stand that serves Pineapple Dole Whip or Pineapple Dole Whip swirled with Vanilla Soft Serve ($8). What can I say, it's awesome.
Mama's Snack Shop and Pāpālua Shave Ice — Price Varies
Just cute little snack shops with fries ($8) or other fried snacks like fish or chicken ($20) or shave ice ($8) in the pool area. I wasn't here long enough to eat at either, unfortunately, but the shave ice is in the shape of Mickey Mouse, so how bad can it be?
One of my favorite things to do on vacation is eat. Disney's Aulani Resort makes it worth the trip if you don't look at the prices until you get back.
To be continued. Tomorrow I'll look at the entertainment at Aulani.
I used to get to Honolulu fairly often for work. In many ways, it's just another big city. But it's a big city in Hawai‘i, which means it's more than that. And the island of O‘ahu is more than Honolulu. And over the years I've tried to reach as much of it as I can.
On Monday I flew into Honolulu again, but made a point to get as much vacation out of the trip as I could. Which wasn't much, but we do what we can.
I've been to the Disney Aulani Resort twice before. So far as too-big too-crowded too-commercial options go for a visit to "The Gathering Place" of Hawai‘i, it's quite nice. Assuming you can afford it. Like everything Disney, it's crazy-expensive and not for those without deep pockets. Which hardly describes myself, but if you get lucky and plan far enough in advance and stay only a few days, you can happen across deals which won't cost you a second mortgage.
Then Disney Magic™®© is just a flight away...
My first stay at Aulani was an early-access kind of thing with a room facing the heart of the resort, which would be nice except it was a lower floor and there was a big palm tree in the way. My second was a "partial ocean view" which was mostly a view of the Four Seasons Resort next door. This time I also had a "partial ocean view" which had the Four Seasons in it, but a considerably more "ocean" view than before...
Where I was at on the 14th Floor is high enough to have a great view of the resort every time you leave the elevator, which was nice...
This morning I did something I wanted to do on my previous visits but was too lazy to actually do... get up just as the sun rises at 5:30am and photograph the incredible architecture without annoying people around...
I wanted to get a photo of the moon setting on the beach at Aulani, and was surprised to see that it aligned perfectly between the reef break in the lagoon...
I walked out to the point of the lagoon that they carved out to look back at Aulani at sunrise, which was a nice walk and worth it...
Shooting into the sun was not easy, and there's only so much that an iPhone can do, but it's still pretty...
Disney does try to work in some history of Hawai‘i and its peoples in-between all the Disney IP, which was nice...
And... The End. I went back to get some sleep, which is the best part of vacation, really...
To be continued. Tomorrow I'll take a look at the Eats of Aulani.
Finishing up my posts about the five days I spent at Disneyland, today I'm going to talk about the best thing about the place... the attractions (though the food is a close second).
For the longest time, my favorite ride at the park bounced between Star Tours and Pirates of the Caribbean. Except it really didn't. It's just that I'm such a massive Star Wars fan that it seemed that way. Not that Star Tours isn't a great ride that still holds up to this day, it absolutely does, it's just that the Disneyland version of Pirates is the absolute benchmark of how to build an attraction. First of all, it's fifteen-and-one-half minutes long! Which is crazy. So many of the attractions being built now-a-days are lucky to last two minutes (though Rise of the Resistance is kinda-sorta 18 minutes long, when it's running, so there's that). There's a lot of immersion and build-up to the (multiple) money-shots you get, yet Pirates never seems boring.
Pirates of The Caribbean is part of the original E-Ticket Attraction Pantheon that remains... along with Jungle Cruise, Disneyland Monorail, Matterhorn Bobsleds, it’s a small world, Enchanted Tiki Room, Submarine Voyage, Country Bear Jamboree, and Haunted Mansion (another ride that totally holds up, and it nearly nine minutes long).
But anyway...
Before eating at Blue Bayou, the restaurant inside of Pirates of the Caribbean, we rode it for a second time. It's really the only way to do the restaurant because then the experience is fresh in your head (though it almost didn't happen because the ride was closed all morning for repairs). And it reminded me how I am both okay/not-okay with the addition of the movie franchise that's based on the ride being added to the attraction. Okay, because it's very well-done, Johnny Depp's presence is adding to the attraction instead of overwhelming it, and it gave the ride some love to keep it relevant... and not-okay because the ride was perfect just how it was.
The biggest surprise out of all the attractions I went on was that I heard a spiel from the boat skipper on Jungle Cruise that I had never heard before...
SKIPPER: Now I'm going to scare off these hippos the same way I scared off my last girlfriend...
ME (as the skipper reaches for his gun): Oh my God!
SKIPPER (not touching his gun): LET’S GET A MORTGAGE AND BUY A HOUSE... AND HAVE 3 KIDS... AND TWO CATS NAMED OSCAR AND ISAAC!
I still don't know if I should find that funny or not, but it was sure hysterical to me at the time!
Something else that was new? After years of trying to see a hidden Easter Egg in Indiana Jones Adventure without success, I finally asked a cast member to help me out. For those of you who don't know, this attraction is not within the original boundary of Disneyland. No, it was built out in the old "Eeyore" parking lot (which explains why the queue is so long to get there...
Original Disneyland in Yellow... Indiana Jones Adventure in pink at the lower-left.
After Disney demolished the Eeyore parking lot, they hid one of the signs for it in the Indiana Jones ride. I knew that you had to look back when you reached the front of the main queue before Dr. Jones's office, but that never did me any good. I was starting to believe it didn't exist. So I asked. And the cast member pulled out a flashlight, shined it way, way back into a dark corner and... there it was. I don't know how I could have ever seen it on my own.
Something else I've meant to do but never did? Snap a photo of John Rhys-Davies as Sallah during my favorite part of the intro film...
And speaking of Indiana Jones Adventure... I rode it very soon after it had opened in 1995, and it's a different ride now than when it debuted...
And now a dozen random musings...
Random Musing #1: The day after I got back from Disneyland, I had kidney stone pain. It wasn't horribly bad, but it did make it so I couldn't keep anything down Saturday evening through Monday afternoon when it passed. Just yesterday I read an article where it said that there's a scientific paper saying that riding Big Thunder Mountain Railroad dislodges kidney stones! So... maybe the attraction saved me from an even worse agony than if I hadn't ridden it while I was at the park? Weird!
Random Musing #2: Mickey & Minnie's Runaway Railway is the exact same as the one in Walt Disney World. Except you leave Daisy's dance studio in the opposite direction. This freaked me out... and freaked me out again the second time, even though I was prepared for it.
Random Musing #3: Roger Rabbit's Car Toon Spin has changed Jessica Rabbit. She's no longer in her sexy red sparkle dress, they covered her in a trench-coat. And it's like... yeah... I know why. Gotta be PC and all that. But it looks ridiculous. I think it's actually less PC to think that she should be forced to cover herself (come on, it's not like she was showing nipple or anything).
Random Musing #4: Does anybody else find it odd that Jessica Rabbit has to wear a trench-coat, but at the end of Mr. Toad's Wild Ride you get sent to hell? Anybody? Anybody?
Random Musing #5: I elected not to climb up Adventureland Treehouse because they tore out the Tarzan re-theming from 1999. They re-themed to promote the animated Tarzan film of the day, but it was actually really cool because modern audiences could get more invested in the attraction than the old Swiss Family Robinson movie theme it started with.
Random Musing #6: The other ride that I took a pass on this time (other than the multitude of rides that were closed) was Matterhorn Bobsleds. The last time I rode it the track was so rough that I was wrecked after I unfolded myself from the bobsled. That is one roller coaster that desperately needs to be re-tracked. I honestly don't understand why it hasn't happened yet. Heaven only knows they have zero problem shutting down rides at Disneyland.
Random Musing #7: One ride that I have ridden exactly once and never again is the Mad Tea Party. I have never understood how people manage to survive that ride. I didn't get sick the first time, but I did walk off of it wishing that I had never gotten on it.
Random Musing #8: It still amazes me how all the Fantasyland dark rides made such incredible use of the small amount of space they were given. All those twists and turns really extend the length of the attraction! My favorite of these is Peter Pan's Flight where they use the sail on Captain Hook's ship to divide one room into two scenes in a way that's beyond brilliant.
Random Musing #9: While I still think that Tiana's Bayou Adventure is a serious downgrade from Splash Mountain, I will say that the Disneyland version is better than its Walt Disney World counterpart. It's got less dead space making it feel not so empty. That being said, the ride still makes no sense. Plus the final Tiana animatronic was busted to shit... she was totally frozen except her mouth, looking like she was wearing a straightjacket under her dress.
Random Musing #10: Just for the record... I still think that Soarin' Around the World is not as good of an experience as the original Soarin' was. I hear they bring it back during the "Food & Wine Festival," so maybe I'll have to head back down one of these years.
Random Musing #11: One of the best rollercoasters in the Disneyland Resort (after Big Thunder and Space Mountain, of course) was California Screamin'. And while I didn't mind them re-theming it for more of a Disney-branded experience, I am mad that they did such a cheap-ass, ugly job of it. I had seen it in photos and thought "Well, maybe it's not so bad when you're riding it at top speed..." but it is. Whether it's the stupid "babies on sticks" or the horrific way that characters are cut off to fit spaces, everything about this is pathetic. Re-theming is fine when it makes sense, but at least put the money into it to do it right. You're Disney.
Random Musing #12: Since California Adventure is pretty much turning into a Pixar theme park, they've made some changes since I was last there. The biggest being the 2023 changing of "Pacific Wharf" to "San Fransokyo Square" out of the movie Big Hero 6. I have zero complaints, because I still don't understand why you would want to go to a California theme park when you're already in California. But anyway... I was quite happy that it wasn't done shoddily, like Incredicoaster was. It actually looks really good...
And there it is. My trip to Disneyland is over for you just like it is for me!
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