Spectacular. IT'S SPECTACULAR!

Or should I say "It's fantastic?"

Not only should The Fantastic Four be one of the easiest comics to adapt to the screen, it should be a frickin' home run every time because the fundamentals of what makes the comic work are so grounded despite the crazy reality they live in. That's why the stories are so beloved.

The new Marvel Studios film finally... finally... starts with the concept of a familiy of adventurers who just happen to be thrust into the limelight as super-heroes once they get super-powers...

And perfectly cast, too.

Now was that really so difficult?

Apparently it was, because this is the fourth iteration of trying to make movies out of the franchise.

For Fantastic Four I guess fourth time's a charm.

Ooh! Spring is finally here! But am I going outside to enjoy it? No... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

   
• Stuck on You! Betty White's social media advertised that the US Postal Service tribute stamp to her was finally released. As my favorite celebrity of all time, of course I wasted no time heading to the USPS website to buy a sheet and also get the cancelation release...

Note the paw print earring. I also picked up some of the Keith Harring "Love" stamps which I had no idea existed.

   
• Close to You! Okay. First of all... how could you have never heard Karen Carpenter before? Second of all... I wish I could erase my memories of Karen Carpenter's phenomenal voice so I was able to hear her for the first time again...

What's interesting is searching YouTube for this topic. There are a LOT of reaction videos. And all of them go about how you think they would. If you've never heard Karen Carpenter with the music stripped away... you need to do that.

   
• Tariffs, Anyone? Aerogarden is shutting down, so their hydroponic systems are on sale for half price in a variety of places. I had one at my old place and loved being able to have fresh herbs available... but it broke when I moved.

So I just bought two of them (they only seem to have the small 6-pod units left @ $60, though I'm told they can be had for $50)...

I also bought a boat-load of seed pods (third party, because the Aerogarden has always been crazy expensive). Given how groceries aren't going to get cheaper any time soon... or ever, given how much of our food is grown in Mexico or harvested in the US by migrant workers who are getting deported... I need to do what I can to afford to make meals I love more affordable. Cilantro, which I eat a ton of, has reached $1.70 a bunch. Parsley $2 a bunch. Basil $3 a package. Thyme $3 a package. Jalapeños are 50¢ each. Butter lettuce is $4 a head. It goes on and on.

My $120 Aerogarden investment plus cheap seed pods will end up paying for itself in under a year. Now I'm considering growing my own tomatoes, tomatillos, cucumbers, and peppers outside to save money. The problem is that I work so much I won't be able to tend to them as they need. I dunno. I should try and find a way, because holy shit is eating expensive.

   
• Nice Beaver! Yeah, baby beavers are about as cute as it gets. Around the 90-second mark you can really hear them crying and squeaking. My heart. The total video is 10-1/2 minutes long, and the babies are just in the first two minutes, but you'll want to watch it all...

Half the video was a beaver eating avocado and beaver chow. I couldn't stop watching.

   
• License to Kill... A Studio! So I don't get accused of misogyny by hammering away at another incompetent female movie exec (the first being LucasFilm's Kathleen Kennedy) I'm going to let a woman do it in this video (oh man how I love Nerd Cookies!)...

But I am going to chime in and say "Amazon Prime Video... WHAT. THE. FUCK. TOOK. YOU. SO. LONG?!?" Jennifer Salke made so many moronic and expensive mistakes that it's beyond shocking she lasted this long. Usually you have to be a straight white man to get a pass on being this bad at your job. Hopefully Amazon will get their shit together and hire somebody who knows what the fuck they're doing and take advantage of their many amazing IPs. Because MGM deserves better.

   
• M'Baku to the Future! The Avengers: Doomsday cast announcement video was fun, I guess. But the only addition that truly made me want to happy-dance was Winston Duke as M'Baku. Don't care about the X-Men, but I've wanted a Disney+ M'Baku series since we've had Disney+, and it boggles my mind we haven't gotten one yet...

No Daredevil. No Moon Knight. No Blade. No Eternals. No Marvels. No Spider-Man?!? Strange. Oh... and no Doctor Strange?!?

   
• U-S-A! U-S-A! Thank heavens anti-vaxers and RFK are intent on bringing back preventable diseases by presenting misinformation about vaccines! The companies who makes iron lungs could use the business after the polio vaccine was developed and wiped out a need for their product. To get a look at what future generations of Americans may be in for, here's an interesting (but sad) look...

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I remain absolutely floored at how anti-science rhetoric and "alternate facts" are fucking up this country. And I'm mortified that kids who have no say in getting vaccinated are going to pay the price for it.

   
And, on that happy note, I'm going to go enjoy this fine (albeit a bit overcast) Spring day... by cleaning my house.

Finally. FINALLY... after twenty years of attempts to bring the Fantastic Four to film... the actual Fantastic Four from the comics is landing. The Thing finally looks like The Thing. The core concept of the book that is based on a CLOSE FAMILY who are EXPLORERS that go on INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES together has been embraced. And having their story begin on an alternate earth from the 1960's which will differentiate the movie from all the other super-hero movies is absolute genius..

H.E.R.B.I.E.!

THE FANTASTICAR!

THE BAXTER BUILDING!

GALACTUS!

And how flawless is that casting?

Wait... I take it back... The Incredibles was a brilliant adaptation of The Fantastic Four. By far the most accurate, even though it wasn't actually The Fantastic Four. Yet they managed to capture who The Fantastic Four are better than any of the movies with the name did.

The marketing is phenomenal...

My mind is reeling over how the team will be brought to the Marvel Cinematic Universe proper. Will their earth be eaten by Galactus but they're able to cross over to the MCU to try and save our earth from Galactus? Who knows! But I'm dying to find out!

Now that the heat is on at my house, I am warm enough to blog again... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

   
• Poh-Tay-Toh! One of my favorite YouTube series is the Epicurious Pro Chefs Taste Tests. I obsess over them because the chefs they get are always great. But my favorite is Jack Logue because he's kinda a void for most of the video... but when he likes something, you know it because he breaks on it. When he finds fries he likes, it's pretty great...

I waffle between Lamb Weston and McCain Foods USA depending on what's on sale, so it's good to know I'm buying the best. Though, to be honest, I am badly addicted to McCain Hashbrown Patties and tend to eat them over fries now-a-days. If you like cooking videos, these are worth a look.

   
• The Oven Bakes Again! My replacement oven arrived and it's very much like my old oven with the same basic features. But it does have one very big difference I love. The stovetop is a solid sheet! No gap filled with rubber to collect crumbs and gunk! It'll be so easy to keep clean!

Other than that, it's an oven. It'll be nice to be able to bake bread again.

   
• The Bold Failure of Kohler! I really hate having messy hands in the kitchen while cooking and needing to turn on the faucet, then getting the faucet all gunked up. So when I remodeled my kitchen, I bought a fancy touchless faucet and paid a plumber to install it. Four-and-a-half years later, and the "touchless" part of my "Bold Look of Kohler" failed. I was going to swtich brands, but stuck with Kohler so I wouldn't have to pay to have it installed. Instead I could use most of what was already under the cabinet, and just replace the main faucet part. The model I had isn't made any more, so I bought one that was similar. And of course Kohler changed everything, meaning I had to start over from scratch any way. And it was more difficult this time because they made some stupid fucking design decisions. Oh well. Saved myself $500 in installation charges I don't have after buying a new oven and a new touchless faucet.

   
• Thunderbolts*! I haven't been this excited for a Marvel Studios movies film since Avengers: Endgame. This looks great!

   
• Cap! And this?!? Also looks very cool!

   
• Star Wars Trilogy Redux! Simon Kinberg has been put in charge of writing a new trilogy of Star Wars movies. And I'm like Simon Kinberg? Hmmm. I mean, he did write gems like Mr. & Mrs. Smith and co-created Star Wars: Rebels... but he's got LOADS of absolute shit on his résumé as well. X-Men: The Last Stand? SHIT! Jumper? TOTAL SHIT! This Means War? SHIT! Fant4stic Four? HEINOUS PILES OF SHIT ON SHIT! X-Men: Apocalypse? ASPIRES TO BE SHIT! X-Men: Dark Phoenix? CAN ONLY DREAM OF BEING AS GOOD AS COPIOUS PILES OF SHIT! — Ugh. This does not sound promising at all. If I am confident of one thing, Kathleen Kennedy is going to continue her streak of shitty fucking Star Wars films. I still marvel that Rogue One and Solo managed to turn out as well as they did given how the sequel trilogy and the last Indiana Jones movie were mostly SHIT! And while I've enjoyed the Star Wars television shows, only Andor is quality enough that I can honestly say I love it. The rest have great moments, but don't satisfy as a whole. The Book of Boba Fett, Obi-Wan, Ahsoka, and The Acolyte could have been SO much better. And last season of The Mandalorian is tired. I sincerely hope that movie doesn't suck.

   
• ! Speaking of some of the best Star Wars ever, the second season of Andor has been given a start date: April 22, 2025. So long to go. But I'm confident it will be worth the wait. The first season is some of the best television I've ever seen.

   
And now I should probably climb in bed and try to get some sleep since I totally failed at it last night.

I may have finally turned the heat on to make my cats happy, but never fear, I still have money left to blog... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

   
• Bread! Yesterday I baked a loaf of bread for a neighbor, but since my oven is broke I had to make it one of those flat loaves and bake it in my toaster over. It turns out pretty great, all things considered. But then all I could think of was freshly-baked bread, so I checked to see if my starter was good to go, and...

Bread for me today. Except I actually made rolls, because I figured it would be easier to make sliders or little sandwiches that way. =sigh= I sure hope that there's some really good deals on ovens for Black Friday... or, more likely, for President's Day. I want to be able to bake stuff again.

   
• Winner Winner! My favorite game show is Pyramid (which started as The $10,000 Pyramid). I remember watching it with my mom when I was a kid, though I think by then it was The $25,000 Pyramid

(they kept upping the dollar amount until it became The $100,000 Pyramid). The show is at its best when somebody has won the team-to-team battle and moves to "The Winner's Circle" to try and win a big prize with their celebrity teammate. It's one of the most stressful situations you'll see as that clock counts down and they rush to get all six answers correct. And I love that. The show came back in 2016 with Michael Strahan as host, and I've watched every episode. And whenever there's a video of a "The Winner's Circle" run that pops up on YouTube or TikTok, I watch it. This morning there's was a compilation video of only winning runs that popped up, and I watched every second of it...

What's surprising to me is that even though you know all of these runs are winning runs, it's still stressful! There's some great players on here. Noticeably missing is Rachel Dratch, who is spooky-good at the game...

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I kinda wish there was a way to play that game for everyday people. I mean, sure, they've made home versions over the years, but it's not the same experience as pairing up with a celebrity on a show stage with an audience and playing. Guess I'll just have to apply one day or something.

   
• And Speaking of Game Shows... There's loads of game shows out of the UK that I obsess over. The two most notable being Taskmaster and 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown. Absolutely nobody does game shows like the Brits when they are celebrity competitions. Nobody. Since there's no real contestants and just famous people having a laugh, it gets absolutely bonkers, and is so much fun to watch. Take for example...

I don't know why we don't do more of this kind of thing on our side of the pond.

   
• Early Days! Somebody shared this video of gymnast Ian Gunther asking other gymnasts he's performing with to sign a photo for him... but it's not a current photo, it's a photo of them when they were young...

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The reactions are priceless. I love stuff like this.

   
• Stranger Things! Doctor Strange: The Multiverse of Madness grossed nearly a billion dollars worldwide and had a brilliant teaser for a sequel when Clea showed up in the post-credits scene. But the most exciting part? Somehow they got frickin' Charlize Theron to play Clea!

So where is Doctor Strange 3 on the development slate? We keep hearing about new Avengers movies, new Spider-Man movies and the like... but no sequel to a near-billion dollar film that people are dying to see? Is Kevin Feige still in charge at Marvel Studios? What's going on there?

   
• And speaking of the Marvel Cinematic Universe and Doctor Strage... You can't put this much thought into super-hero movies...

Wanda was done pretty dirty. I mean, yeah, I get it... kinda compelling to have an innocent hero get corrupted in a way that makes them become a villain. And Wanda did turning to The Darkhold would only speed up that process. But come on! The Scarlet Witch has been abused to death in the MCU, and it's beyond bizarre that they don't seem to be interested in redemption for the character. I keep hoping that this will be rectified... maybe it will happen in the Vision Quest mini-series... but the longer they wait the more it seems like nobody cares.

   
• NEWS: A Pregnant Teenager Died After Trying to Get Care in Three Visits to Texas Emergency Rooms! So much blood on these asshole's hands, and yet NONE OF THEIR SUPPORTERS GIVE A SHIT! This country hates women. HATES them. Their only purpose is breeding stock to make more labor and more cult members. Other than that? Oh it's always "Oh well" and moving on to more death.

As I'm typing this, somebody on Facebook just commented "...if women die because of a problem with the baby, that's God's will." And I am like, if absolutely everything that happens is God's will and He's an all-powerful being Who can make anything a reality, then why didn't God just design it so that terminating a pregnancy for any reason results in immediate death? If He's God, then He could absolutely have designed it to work that way, right? — Then the conversation spiraled into "the devil" and "temptation" and "God's wrath" and every other bullshit thing you can think of from a person with no critical thinking skills who hasn't studied the Bible even a little bit. I am so fucking tired of this shit.

   
And now back to my toasty 72° homestead.

Marvel Studios used to make a good film FIRST and have the bigger story arc of the MCU be a nice-add-on. That's why their movies have always been stellar. But lately they seem to be chasing another big Avengers Infinity War/End Game arc first, putting characters and story second, and it's ruining everything. Make the movie you're making now the best it can be. Then drop a few things that aren't distracting, but pushing what you're building up to. It's formula, but it works.

Today the teaser trailer was released for their second big movie of 2025 (after Captain America: New World Order), and it looks very promising...

And the movie poster is glorious...

Now, readers of Marvel comic books have a lot to take in here. The concept of the MCU version of Thunderbolts is very different from what we've seen in the source material. But... there's things in the trailer which are familiar too. The biggest of which is the debut of Sentry, likely the most powerful character in the entire Marvel Universe. How they decided to put such a character in Thunderbolts I have no idea. But it's very cool. They could have saved it for an Avengers film (heaven only knows the guy is powerful enough to take on the entire team!), but they must have had a good idea for Thunderbolts and decided to put the movie first and go that route.

Bravo.

I really, really hope that Marvel Studios is back to their former ideals and not coasting with movies that have no purpose for the characters, but exist solely to push a bigger narrative (Like Ant Man: Quantumania which, ironically, is now completely irrelevant since Kang has exited the MCU and may never be mentioned again despite the cliffhanger post-credits ending).

One can hope.

Continuing on with my recent trip to Walt Disney World... I'm going to go out on a limb and say that Guardians of the Galaxy: Cosmic Rewind is my favorite of all the new attractions I rode. It's an immediate classic because it's so well done and so entertaining. If Disney is going to fart IP over absolutely everything, I hope it's as thoughtfully done as this. I went in expecting it to be another Rock 'n' Roller Coaster Starring Aerosmith being an indoor coaster with music... but walked out feeling like I had been slapped across the face. In a good way.

Which is not easy for me to say for two reasons...

1. It replaced Ellen's Energy Adventure, which I really liked (hey, at least the dinosaurs were actual physical animatronics instead of being crappy screens like Na'vi River Journey).
2. The attraction goes against the concept of Epcot's "Future World" which was to explain how the planet is moving into the future in a realistic way, focusing on the land, the seas, the body, energy, transportation, and the like. About the furthest it strayed was Journey Into Imagination, but even that was designed to show how dreams and imagination can be harnessed to build our future. This ride attempts to explain it away, but it really doesn't. Everything about it is fiction with no basis in reality.

But anyway...

You enter the "Wonders of Xandar" pavilion to learn about the planet (featured in the first Guardians of the Galaxy film) and the queue actually reflects that. There's exhibits and recordings and stuff all about Xandar to entertain you while you stand in line. Then you get transported through a jumphole to actually visit Xandar when, oops, a Celestial shows up and steals the Cosmic Generator to travel back in time and erase humans from existence. Just as the Celestial hops through the jumphole to the past, The Guardians show up and tell you that you will have to chase after him and retrieve the Cosmic Generator if you ever want to make it back to earth and, you know, keep existing. You board an evacuation shuttle to follow the Celestial and chaos ensues.

Not a lot for me to be critical about, but let's recap, shall we?

The Bad...

• The Location! In the queue you learn that Epcot was chosen as the location for the Xandarian outreach pavilion because it was Star-Lord Peter Quill's favorite park as a kid (especially the "Universe of Energy" pavilion, which is hilarious given that this ride replaced it). But it's completely against the whole idea of what Future World is supposed to be about, and seems so badly out of place. Unless they're going to shoehorn in IP stuff everywhere else as well. In which case Epcot is out of place in Epcot. In all honesty, I think the intellectual property mandate is going to really hurt the parks (some IP is good, but they need to remember that the attractions can also create IP... like Pirates of the Caribbean and Haunted Mansion did).
• No Bradley Cooper and Vin Diesel? I don't get this at all. Even if they were unavailable when filming was done, they could have easily recorded their dialogue any time after because they play CGI characters. I don't know why they wouldn't want to contribute to a Disney attraction, but I guess that's possible? More likely Disney didn't want to pay them. Regardless, Cooper is sorely missed because Rocket isn't Rocket without him. I really do hope that eventually he gets to re-record the voice so the character feels authentic.

The Good...

• The Track & Cars! The track is laid out very well and is buttery smooth. Almost unbelievably smooth. This is something that people who don't generally like rollercoasters might be able to handle because it's Just. That. Smooth. It's got two launches and they're integrated beautifully. Launching coasters are my favorite, and while this isn't the most thrilling... it is tied with my all-time favorite (the Incredible Hulk Coaster, which was the first launching coaster I rode). Plus the cars you ride in can rotate so the ride can maximize available space by having you look in the direction they want you to look.
• The Story! The fact that rollercoasters are being given stories now makes them so much more interesting. And when the story is good, it adds an entirely new level to the usual dips, loops, and spins. The whole ramp-up pre-show is great, but it's the way it's faithfully continued during the actual ride that makes the attraction so amazing. If I have a criticism, it's that it resolves too quickly but, hey, you're on a rollercoaster, so that's not something that can really be helped!
• The Music! Paying homage to the films, you get some incredible 80's tracks to listen to as you're zipping around the cosmos. And which track you get determines the feel of the ride. The first time I rode it we got I Ran by Flock of Seagulls, and it was by far my favorite. It fit the story they're telling so well, and the beat really hit as you run through the story. Everybody Wants to Rule the World was a bit more chill and gave an entirely different vibe to the ride, which is why the re-ridability is off the charts. Blondie's One Way or Another also worked really well, and there were parts of the ride that it fit so beautifully. There are six different songs total (and I'm sure they'll get swapped out at some point), and you can't help but want to hear them all.
• The Characters! With the exception of Rocket, who could have really benefitted from Bradley Cooper's voice, it was very cool to see the entire team represented. Not just on the ride, but the queue. Drax steals the entire show every time he appears, but everybody has a good part to the story to play. Which leads us to...
• The Pre-Show! Not only did they somehow get Glenn Close to reprise her role as Nova Prime (in a huge pre-show part to the story), they also managed to get Terry Crews as a new character to inject some humor into the attraction. As if that wasn't enough, the pre-show has two parts with a very cool transition which sells the illusion of having been teleported to a ship in Xandar orbit very well. The queues and pre-shows for rides are incredibly important, and this is my favorite since Back to the Future: The Ride.
• The Length! In an age when Disney coasters are clocking in under two minutes, Cosmic Rewind is a blissful three minutes twenty. Any attraction under three minutes needs to be seriously re-evaluated, and I'd argue 3-1/2 should be the bare minimum. If you include the queue and pre-show, the ride feels even longer than it is, which is how it should be.

UPDATE: I didn't understand how the entirety of a high-speed coaster could fit in the old "Universe of Energy" pavilion, and guessed that they must have expanded it out the back somehow. So I ended up Google Mapping it. Turns out that the old building (in green) it merely the queue, pre-show, and loading area. The actual launch for the ride shoots you into another massive building entirely (in blue)...

Interesting to note that the launch takes you over a service road! Also interesting is that the building looks at least five stories tall. Maybe six. That, folks, is how you get an indoor coaster to last over three minutes! And be incredibly entertaining!

It's early Sunday morning and I'm watching one of the many videos leaked out of Hall H from Comic Con International that featured the official Marvel Studios announcements. I was going to post this for Bullet Sunday, but wanted to see if more videos would get officially released before posting my thoughts.

The announcements were huge, but also surprisingly reserved. Of course spoilers abound, so if you want to go in blind to the upcoming Marvel films... or want to watch the Hall H video for yourself, might want to turn back now.

• Peter! Wait... where did he go? Rob Delaney, come back!
• Wolverine & Deadpool becoming the biggest opening for an R-rated movie of all time is nice. Hopefully it shows Marvel Studios that they don't have to be 100% family-fare to be successful, because there's a lot of characters which would benefit from an R rating.
• Captain America: Brave New World should be interesting. Sam has the adamantium shield but not Cap's super-serum super-strength, and has to rely on his wings to give him an advantage. Now, whether or not Marvel too advantage of what makes the New Cap special remains to be seen. On February 15th, 2025, alas. But what I'm most excited to see is Joaquin Torres becoming the new Falcon.
• A "return to Winter Soldier" is not the worst thing to happen to the franchise. It's one of the best MCU movies of all time.
• Oh... looks like Marvel does plan on making Sam different without the super-serum! NICE!
• The Leader could be a fantastic villain. But I've seen him used so stupidly in the comics that I am reserving judgement until I see it.
• Danny Ramirez being able to give as good as he gets from Anthony Mackie is something else!
• Giancarlo Esposito is an exceptional actor. And he's playing SIDEWINDER?!? Guess that means Cap is facing off against The Serpent Society. From the trailer, it looks like they have him dressed in black, which is great, because a comic-accurate costume would be hysterical.
• Harrison Ford... AT COMIC CON?!? Well then. I was absolutely not expecting that. Good on him for jumping in despite the fact that he's probably very tired of conventions after his Star Wars fame. His shoutout to William Hurt (who originated his character) was nice.
• Thunderbolts* is a tough concept to bring to a movie, and I can't help but wonder if they've radically changed it. In the comics a new team of heroes debuted at a time when the world needed them, but then the shocking twist happened... these were not new heroes. They were old villains playing heroes. Honestly I don't care so long as they keep it fun. And here's David Harbour to make the presentation fun, so fingers crossed.
• What's the asterisk for on that? Changing the name?
• Oh... here it comes...
• ...or not.
• I keep forgetting that Hannah John-Kamen is returning as Ava in Thunderbolts. Which seems weird given how much I loved her performance in Killjoys.
• Wyatt Russell got a lot of shit for U.S. Agent in The Falcon and The Winter Soldier series and it was entirely unjustified. If anything, he was too good in the role to get people to hate him so much. I seriously hope that he has a good role in the film so people will stop pitching shit at him for a job well done.
• Black Widow was kinda a sad film. They waited until the character fucking died before she got a movie (despite her dropping in everybody else's movies)... then really put the spotlight on Florence Pugh since she was taking over the character. Plus the movie was mid. I am still livid that Scarlett Johansson was shitted on so badly by Marvel Studios. Black Widow deserved more.
• The Fantastic Four has gotten some truly shitty movies before coming to the MCU. Which is such a shame because if people would just follow the fucking comic book and pick up on what makes it so frickin' great... THEY ARE A FAMILY OF ADVENTURERS WHO JUST HAPPEN TO BE SUPER-HEROES... AKA The Imaginauts era, everything would be fine. Dang I hope that Marvel Studios nails this.
• Matt Shakman keeps getting lauded for WandaVision, a show I hated. I was not thrilled when he was brought on to Fantastic Four, but it sounds as though his work on WandaVision along with his studying 1960's New York could be an asset? I dunno. I really, really hope they knock this movie out of the park.
• The free fan looks VERY much like the movie is taking inspiration from The Incredibles which is the best news possible. That is one of the most stylistic retro-futuristic movies ever made.
• Surprise! The cast! Ebon Moss-Bachrach is a very good actor. But in his most famous role for The Bear all he does is fucking scream most of the time. I know he's capable of more, and I really hope we get too see something softer because The Thing is more about being Ben Grimm than the raw power of his super-hero persona.
• As much as I love Pedro Pascal (and boy do I), I really wanted John Krasinski and Emily Blunt to head The Fantastic Four: First Steps. Oh well. I'm sure he will be amazing in this. I'll just try to forget how he was absolute shit (though no fault of his own) in the shitty fucking Patty Jenkins Wonder Woman 1984 disaster, and I'm sure everything will be fine. I will never forgive Jenkins for following her first Wonder Woman masterpiece with one of the greatest super-hero movies of all time with that shitty, SHITTY fucking sequel. And now it looks like she's going to take a dump on Star Wars too. After WW1984 she should never work again. NOBODY who was responsible for that should ever be given money for movies again.
• For the love of God I hope they let Ebon Moss-Bachrach bring this kind of humble aesthetic to The Thing. If they go the HULK SMASH route I'll be very disappointed. Very.
• I don't know much about Jpseph Quinn except his masterful performance as Eddie in Stranger Things. That's a very good start for Johnny Storm. His character is played as a hot-head, but no so over the top that he's beyond reason and a bad caricature of a bratty asshole with super-powers. Even though the first slate of FF movies were shit, Michael B. Jordan and Chris Evans knew the assignment. Even when they were supposed to go too far with Johnny, you got the feeling that wheels were still turning. And that's critical.
• Vanessa Kirby gives off complex vibes when it comes to her roles. I think I most remember her from the Mission Impossible movies, and that's not a bad thing. Sue Storm should be of a similar mindset, which is to say she's complex, capable, and whip-smart instead of just eye candy. Scarlett Johansson was exploited as Black Widow in many respects, but at least they always came back to the fact that she was a valuable and impressive member of the team despite not having super-powers. Hopefully they don't forget that when it comes to The Invisible Woman.
• Bringing back The Russo Brothers to direct the Avengers flicks is like... MENSA-level smart. They know what to do with an ensemble film, and their takes on Avengers: Infinity War and Avengers: Endgame is literally all you could want. I hope that the reason Destin Daniel Cretton is no longer involved is because he's making a Shang-Chi sequel. Which is probably a better use of his talents anyway.
• Avengers: Secret Wars is something to look forward to. The concept is vast in a way that even the comic books strive to match. Absolutely anything is possible in this movie. Anything. How Marvel Sudios chooses to take advantage of that will either make or break the film.
• The primary antagonist in Secret Wars is the all-powerful godlike Beyonder. I have said multiple times that the ideal person for the part is Alan Tudyk. But who will be Marvel's choice?
• Doctor Doom! Yeah, Hall H had no choice but to explode at that news.
• Avengers: The Kang Dynasty is now Avengers: Doomsday which is pretty much all they could do given how badly Ant-Man: Quantumania was received, how utterly mid Loki: Season 2 turned out, AND then the whole Johnathan Majors mess which made it impossible for him to return as Kang the Conquerer. Kang, one of the best, most powerful villains in the MCU was utterly trashed, so replacing him with Dr. Doom (yet another phenomenal Marvel villain) was a no-brainer.
• Welp.
• Robert Downey Jr. as Victor Von Doom is a bold choice. And while it would be very easy for this to just be a Multiverse variant of Tony Stark's Iron Man, I seriously hope they are smarter than that. The possibilities are endless, really. Maybe a villain who was defeated by Iron Man goes back in time to clone a baby Tony Stark, then raises the clone to become the ultimate villain: Doom. Or maybe it’s a shapeshifter using Stark’s face to disorient their foes. Or maybe it’s a robot looking like Tony built by the real Dr. Doom. Literally hundreds of ways This could go.
• There was nobody who could have played arrogant Tony Stark better than Robert Downey Jr, and Doom is at least 10× more arrogant. He's perfect for the part, however it comes to pass.

And now the surprising omissions which were not mentioned. Anything to do with the Disney+ series... Agatha All Along, Daredevil: Born Again, Eyes of Wakanda, and Ironheart. On the movie side, nothing to do with the long-promised Armor Wars and Blade flicks, no announcement of an expected new Spider-Man film, nothing about Shang-Chi, and... weirdly... nothing to do with X-Men either. I guess they want to save something for next year? But that's realy disappointing given the hot news we got from past Comic Cons.

And so... pretty much good news over what we actually got. Maybe the drastically-reduced slate of movies and shows happening will give us better-quality releases?

One would hope.

"Madame Web is spectacular. A triumph of the human spirit and a film which redeems super-hero movies for all eternity. No greater achievement in artistic expression will ever come to pass, and I’m rendered awestruck that such a cinematic masterpiece exists within my lifetime. Oscar glory awaits. Now streaming, only on Netflix!" —David Simmer II, Blogography

Look, I'm not here to pile on the absolute fucking disaster that is Madame Web because plenty of professional movie reviewers have taken care of that.

Except I am, because when you release utter shit in the comic book genre, then you oversaturate the market and fuck up people's confidence in comic book movies which might actually be worth a shit (see: every shitty Zack Snyder DC Comics movie ever).

But anyway... Madame Web...

From what I can tell, this is loosely based on the Spider-Man comic book saga The Grim Hunt where Kraven the Hunter's family starts hunting the various spider-characters of the Marvel Universe because their blood will resurrect Kraven (who had died earlier in the series. Or something like that. It's been over a decade since I read them.

Except instead of Kraven's family it's a different Marvel character, Ezekiel, who's hunting spider-people. And instead of wanting to resurrect Kraven, he wants to kill the spider-people because he's convinced they will kill him. The changes make sense because the Kraven movie hasn't come out yet and the film doesn't have Spider-Man in it. The comic book story is also where Madame Web dies (spoiler alert), but whatever.

But anyway... Madame Web...

In the comic books she's an old lady who's blind and paralyzed from a disease, but can see the future. She's kept alive by a network of tubes that resembles a spider's web...

Arguably one of the stupidest fucking heroes ever, she was shoe-horned into the Spider-Man Universe with a sledgehammer. Which is apt because Sony Pictures intended to shoe-horn this stupid fucking movie into the Marvel Cinematic Universe for no other reason that they own the motion picture rights to the Spider-Man characters. And they want to cash in on the fact that their deal with Marvel to put Spider-Man in the MCU has been incredibly lucrative. How they thought they would make money with a character that absolutely nobody gives a shit about is beyond me. And this film comes after the hilarious flop that was Morbius, which makes Sony look even more idiotic. And just you wait... Kraven is coming on December 13th!

But anyway... Madame Web...

The film is about a woman named Cassie Webb whose mother was shot by the evil Ezekiel in Costa Rica as she looked for a magical spider. He wanted the magic spider she found, and killed her for it. In an attempt to save her life, a mysterious group of spider-people let one of these magical spiders bite her to give her super-powers. But it's too late. She dies, Cassie is born, and she grows up to find out the magical spider that bit her mom gives her the ability to see the future. Meanwhile, Ezekiel and his precognitive abilities foresees that three girls will eventually get spider-powers and be responsible for his death. So he sets out to kill them first. Cassie sets out to same them. Totally unoriginal and boring super-hero antics ensue.

This movie is horrendous. Nothing makes sense. Major plot points could have easily been circumnavigated with even ten seconds of thought. And you could tell that they were jerking the story around from start to finish because there's a lot of inserted dialogue which is painfully fucking obvious. Whether this is studio interference or incompetence is anybody's guess. All I do know is that, with the exception of a few action sequences that aren't half bad, the movie is an ungodly mess that should have never been made.

It's just more garbage being inserted into the comic book movie genre that nobody wants or asks for.

I don't have time to be blogging because now that I'm past my (second) kidney stone recovery I should be cleaning the disaster area that's my house... but I just can't shake the bullets for some reason... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

   
• Not Todd! Kidney stones wasn't the only pain that I got hit with this week. To the surprise of absolutely nobody, the idiotic fucks at CBS canceled one of the best shows on television, So Help Me Todd. The reason that this is not surprising is that CBS routinely preempts the show, dropping it from the schedule for weeks at a time. How the fuck can even a great show build momentum when it's not available? How can people run across it when it's not consistently occupying a time slot? CBS purposely sabotaged the show, then canceled it. Period. And it's a real shame, because it's on-track to be even better than the first season...

It's like the network is being run by dipshit assholes using 1980's tactics instead of living in the 2020's where streaming exists. Networks who know what the fuck they're doing either dump all episodes at once for binging... or release them consistently because they know that people will expect a new episode every week (even if they are not tuning in on the actual premiere date). Did Apple preempt Ted Lasso? Fuck no. The people in charge of AppleTV+ actually understand how consistency and momentum are critical to a show's success. Fuck CBS. It pisses me off that Star Trek: Strange New Worlds is on Paramount+ (CBS's overseers) so I have to give these stupid fucks money to watch it. Good thing that's about the only show on this fucking network that I find worth watching. Especially since Star Trek: Lower Decks has also been canceled.

   
• STORYTIME: The Cloud Under the Sea. It's a bit of a long read. But it's a really good one. It's about the people who repair the massive number of cables under our oceans and waters which make the internet happen. Seriously worth your time. Exceptional reporting by The Verge. It must be, because I don't recommend articles like this very often.

   
• Bunnies! Instagram has really sucked me in these past couple days. How, you might ask? Bunnies. In particular, bunnies eating stuff. Just look at this. LOOK AT THIS...

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Daily Rabbit Content (@rabbittorque)

And, dude. Dude!

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A post shared by Jungle Journals (@junglejournalss)

I can't. I CANNOT!

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A post shared by Śh Iv à (@natureferver)

The algorithm is getting scary good at capturing people's attention. Yikes.

   
• FEMALES?! Marvel Studios announced that Julia Garner will be playing The Silver Surfer in the new Fantastic Four film. Of course there were people who lost their damn minds. BUT SHE'S A FEMALE!!! AND SILVER SURFER IS A MALE!!! And it's like... mostly, yeah. But it's not like there isn't a precedent for a Silver Surfer who's a woman. But the outrage farm over it is by people who likely don't follow the comics in the first place. They just hear "GENDER-SWAP!" being batted around, and that's all that matters...

The only thing I care about... ALL I care about... is that it's a good film. And honors the source material in a way that doesn't have to be literal, but should be respectful to what made the franchise such a success after 60+ years. Live-action is a completely different media than the printed page. There will have to be changes to make it work. The Silver Surfer not being a man isn't going to radically ruin anything. Maybe it made for a more compelling character with the story they want to tell? Or maybe Julia Garner was just the best actor for the role? I dunno. I won't know until the film is released. Nobody will.

   
• There You Go! It's like... I am already dying to see Deadpool & Wolverine so much that it seems impossible that I could be any more excited about it. But then...

Genius. It's like... whomever is in marketing at Marvel Studios managed to capture everything we've been waiting for. And it's so simple in execution.

   
• NEWSFLASH: Cable lobby vows “years of litigation” to avoid bans on blocking and throttling. My raw, seething loathing of former FCC chair Ajit Pai for his total fucking betrayal of The American People really knows no limits. This week the FCC is going to vote on whether to restore the vital net neutrality rules that Pai repealed (despite them having massive public support BECAUSE THEY'RE THE RIGHT THING TO DO!). And I'm here to tell you... they better fucking reinstate them. Because I am sick and tired of Big Telco and Big Cable and their fucking need to fuck over the internet with their fucking bullshit for a fucking buck. And I literally could not give less of a shit about their threats. Fuck them. Let them "vow" all they want. Here's a one-minute video from six years ago just to show that we are still fighting the same shit because corporations fucking own our fucking government...

Fuck Ajit fucking Pai forever. When I think of people who should be fucking shot for fucking treason, his name is near the fucking top of my fucking list. To this day I wonder what he got in exchange for selling us out.

   
And now back to everything in my house I've been needing to clean for the past two weeks.