For a while I couldn't hop on social media without seeing people raving about the "Ninja Creami"... which is a very powerful blender that creams hard-frozen foods and liquids. This sounded familiar to me, because I have a friend who is a chef with a "Pacojet" that essentially does the exact same thing. Except Pacojet costs $8,000. The Ninja Creami costs under $200. The Pacojet is used for a wide variety of cooking purposes... like creating blended soups that can be heated up... as well as gelatos, ice creams, sorbets and stuff. And while the Creami can probably do whatever you want, it's mainly geared towards ice creams, gelatos, sorbets, and frozen drinks. I bought the "deluxe" version because it was on sale for only $20 more than the original version. It's not necessary, but it does give you a larger container, meaning you can make more ice cream in a single go...

Long story short? This thing is darn good, and worth the hype.

I thought that "creamifying" a can of peaches would result in a peach snowcone. But it actually turns into a luscious peach sorbet. I thought "creamifying" frozen cream and sugar would result in gritty, frozen milky ice. But it really does actually turn into creamy ice cream.

And it's so easy.

My favorite is sorbets. Dump a can of pineapple chunks in the Creami container, mix in sugar, freeze it, creamify it, and you've got pineapple sorbet. Dump a can of peaches in heavy syrup into the Creami container, use a pair of kitchen shears to chop it into pieces, freeze it, creamify it, and you've got peach sorbet...

Seriously! This was a frickin' can of peaches yesterday!

The biggest shock is how good Creami ice creams and gelatos are. They are not not at all gritty and fake-tasting. Heck, they're better than most of the stuff you can buy at a store. The recipe is just heavy cream, whole milk, sugar, a bit of cream cheese, and whatever flavors you want to put in it. Vanilla, chocolate, strawberries, most anything, really...

Cookie from Honolulu Cookie Co., not me!

There are recipes for "lite" ice creams (which are okay, but not great), pretty good frozen yogurts (ingredients: YOGURT!), and all kinds of frozen drinks (shakes, ices, slushes, and the like).

PROS

• This ain't a poor substitute for actual ice creams, sorbets, and the like... it makes the real deal. Often better than what you can buy at the store. And with better ingredients.
• Comparatively, the machine is dirt-cheap. Remember that it is a $200 alternative to a machine that costs in excess of $8,0000 (and I have no idea how Ninja isn't getting sued into oblivion by Pacojet for it).
• So fast. Just toss it all together and freeze for 24 hours. Then put it in the Creami and have your treat in minutes.
• You can make whatever flavors you can dream of. I've mixed just about every kind of fruit you can think of for sorbet and it mostly always tastes fantastic. Note that fruits in heavy syrup taste great. Fruits packed in juice (like pineapple) lack sweetness, so I dissolve in some sugar.
• There is a mix-in feature where you can add nuts, crushed cookies, fruit, whatever. I am addicted to adding graham crackers (plain, chocolate, or cinnamon... all delicious additions!).

CONS

• This machine is loud. I mean LOUD. I fired it up in my kitchen and traumatized my cats! It now resides in my garage, where I'm sure I'm traumatizing the neighborhood.
• In order to make sure that ice crystals don't form in your ice cream and it ends up nice and smooth, you have to add something which minimizes the possibility. The Creami recipes use cream cheese. This is a good option because it's easy to find and works great. But even though it's just a tablespoon, it's still there. I may look into some options like guar gum or fruit pectin or something that doesn't intrude on the flavor profile.
• The ingredients for sorbet is pretty cheap, but ice cream ingredients are heinously expensive. Have you seen the price of heavy cream? Even putting aside the cost of the machine, you are paying more for ice cream and gelato than what you pay in the store. Maybe if you buy in bulk at Costco you can come out ahead, but do not live under the illusion that Creami is saving you money by making cheap ice cream.
• My intent on buying Creami from the start was to make "lite" ice creams that (hopefully) tasted great, because that's what everybody was raving about. Nope! All the monk fruit and coconut milk in the world ain't going to make that happen. Luckily the sorbets work for me, because... yikes. Maybe one day I'll find that magic combination of chemicals to make great "lite" ice cream, but I haven't found it yet.
• While what I've gotten out of the Creami is darn good compared to store-bought, it will never come close to what you can get from the local creamery.
• The reason the Ninja Creami isn't $8,000 is because it's cheap-ass plastic. I use mine around three times a week and don't have much hope for much longevity. Also, there are crap design choices that are frustrating in how it operates (like their shitty blender where the blade is ALWAYS falling out).
• I always end up having to "re-spin" in order to get the creamiest product. Even though I've lowered the temp of my freezer, the initial "creamification" is more powder-like than creamy. Fortunately the re-spin fixes this, but it's still one more thing you have to do.
• If you don't eat all of it in one go, there's a bit of an ordeal to eat the remainder. First you have to pack the leftovers down nice and flat... then you have to reprocess it when you want to eat it. You can't just take it out of the freezer and eat it. I was told that you can just let it thaw a bit so it softens, but that doesn't taste as good.
• Mixing in stuff is a bit more manual than you'd hope. After you process it, you have a make a hole, put your mix-ins in there, then process it again with the "mix-ins" function. And while it's a more gentle cycle than the initial "creamification," it's still pretty harsh. Cookie pieces get turned into crumbs. Nuts are pulverized. Especially soft nuts like walnuts.

CONCLUSION

Knowing the caveats that I know now, I'd still buy me a Creami. And if it's of interest to you, you may want to get one before the inevitable Pacojet lawsuit shuts them down (I'm being 100% serious, as this is a very clear rip-off of their product... just look at the blade!). Being able to freeze up a bunch of options and have them available any time I want fresh frozen desserts is too good to be true. And the result is not a trade-off, but something that tastes pretty amazing. And once you figure out the recipes that end up with the treat you like best, you're ever only 24 hours away from having it.

Today my new HelloFresh box arrived and I was excited to have a good dinner when I got home. Then I actually got home and decided I didn't want to cook. Fortunately in the box there was a 10-minute meal of Pesto Caprese Sandwiches with an Almond-Studded Green Salad that didn't require cooking... just some light chopping, so that was dinner. It was okay. Not as delicious as the other options, but the idea of not spending over a half-hour in the kitchen was worth more than the flavor.

While chowing down, I took a look at HBO's adaptation of The Last of Us, an epic video game that I loved playing...

Interesting to note that at first I was going to take a pass because I just got out of The Walking Dead which they ran into the ground with similar zombi-apocalypse story. But I changed my mind for two reasons...

• The cast. Pedro Pascal is one of my favorite actors. And playing Ellie is Bella Ramsey, who played Lyanna Mormont (ruler of Bear Island) in Game of Throm=nes. She played the role so well that she outshined other actors in major roles despite having very little screen-time.
• The first season of 9 episodes tells the ENTIRE STORY of the first video game. No drawing shit out so long that it makes you wish you never started watching. Nope. Nine episodes and done. Assumably the second season will tell the entire story of the second game, and the third season will tell the entire story of the third game (that isn't due for three years or so). GOOD ON THEM FOR NOT STRETCHING SHIT OUT AD NAUSEAM!

The show was actually very, very good.

Absolutely everything about it was well done.

Color me absolutely shocked.

When HelloFresh has recipes I want to try or revisit, I place my order and have darn good meals I can make once they arrive. When they don't have recipes that interest me, I take a pass and eat garbage instead. Usually frozen or boxed stuff. I just don't want to go to the grocery store to buy fresh veggies to make great food.

This week was a HelloFresh week, and it's been great.

Last night I had the single best meal I've ever had from HelloFresh, Vegan Shawarma-Spiced Chickpeas with Pistachio Rice, Cucumber Salad, and Garlicky White Sauce...

So good that I get chills just thinking about it. I was licking the dang bowl it was so good.

Then tonight was another triumph, Coconut Curry with Chickpeas and Basmati Rice Topped with Yogurt...

I swear... Garam Masala is one of the most beautiful spice blends ever. It is wonderfully complex, but when it's blended properly, it unites to create a flavor that hits as a singular expression. The stuff is so good, and I use it more places than I probably should.

This weekend I might just bite the bullet and head to the grocery store so I can make more of both of these. I have everything I need except bell peppers, lemon, cucumber, and grape tomatoes. That should be relatively painless to get... shouldn't it?

And if there's anybody out there who hasn't tried HelloFresh but wants to, I have a few codes for a free trial box that works for new customers, cancel any time! Just hit me up and if I have any, I'll send you one.

I'm hungry, but not hungry enough to stop on bullets... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

   
• It's a Hoot! I love this video. I've watched it way too many times (here's a link in case TikTok is being a dick)...

@mattpoolephoto

Down da tunnel.

♬ original sound - Matt Poole

   
• Kids! Legit dead (here's a link in case TikTok is being a dick)...

@charro.azteca She meant the sandwiches 🙄 #marriagehumor #memes #humor #familyjokes #comedy ♬ original sound - Charro.Azteca

Things like this are why I can never give up TikTok.

   
• Shave and a Haircut! Or Instagram...

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by cuteycats 😻 (@cuteycats1)

Cats make the world better.

   
• NOTHING! I can so relate (here's a link in case TikTok is being a dick)...

@mark_kacy

I just want my breakfast 😭

♬ original sound - BurkiDie

   
• Hair! How can you not love this? Samuel L. Jackson is having the time of his life... plus it's got Muppets in it!

Appearing on Sesame Street has got to be one of the biggest honors in existence.

   
• Hello Tomorrow! Wow. OH WOW!

This has incredible promise. Exactly the kind of retro-futurism that works for me... assuming it works as a show.

   
Time for dinner!

I have a high predisposition towards addiction. This could lead to serious trouble if I'm not careful, so I remain vigilant.

But sometimes I'm far from vigilant when the stakes are low. Take, for example, food. If I find something I like, I go back and buy loads of it. Right now my freezer is packed with a dozen Home Run Inn Cheese Pizzas and at least a dozen TaDah! Falafel Street Wraps. I'm terrified that my local stores will stop carrying them, so I buy loads of them whenever I see them in stores. I'm addicted and can't stop myself. Oh well. There are certainly worse things to be addicted to.

My latest addiction? STAGG Vegetarian Garden 4-Bean Chili...

On Monday I woke up craving it, but didn't have any crackers to go with. You can't eat chili without saltines, so I went to the store after work and bought some.

I've have had it every day for lunch and dinner since. The stuff is just spicy enough to be entertaining on my tastebuds. Any hotter and I wouldn't be able to taste the vegetables. Any less hot and it would be boring. It's just perfectly balanced, which is why I like it so much.

Tonight I'm opening my last can, which means I will have to pick up a dozen the next time I'm at the one store that has some in the valley.

The worst part to food addiction is not buying shitloads of something you love (despite the ridiculous price of food now)... it's what happens when you get tired of it.

If I get tired of eating my Home Run Inn Cheese Pizzas and TaDah! Falafel Street Wraps, that means half my freezer is filled up with something I'm not eating and I don't have room for my latest addiction. If I buy a dozen cans of chili and stop eating it, then I've got my cupboard filled up for nothing. Until I start eating it again, which might be a while.

Now, if you'll excuse me, it's time to heat up my dinner of you-know-what.

Don't be sad about that asteroid missing earth so you have to go to work tomorrow ... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

   
• My my my my my Poker Face! I was sorely tempted to have every bullet today be the same thing... begging you to take a look at the new series from Peacock called Poker Face...

If you're old like me and used to love watching Columbo mysteries, this is like that... but with a cool twist. If you've never heard of Columbo, it was a series where you are shown who the murderer is right at the start, and the fun is watching the detective piece it together. I would watch Natasha Lyonne in absolutely anything, and she is flawless in this series. The first episode is a good setup, but the series really kicks into gear with the second episode. Then they just keep getting better. This is guaranteed to be on my "Best Of..." list for 2023. No doubt.

   
• Revolutionary! First of all... I played this pinball machine a lot back in the day. Between Xenon and Pinbot, a lot of quarters were lost! Which is why I think this video about the voice/music designer for Xenon, Suzanne Ciani, is just beyond cool...

Now, my favorite pinball machine of all time was The Addams Family back in the early 90's... but Xenon would certainly be on my list of all-time greats.

   
• Addams! And speaking of Addams Family Pinball... I just searched YouTube and found this...

If I could afford to track down one of these and buy it, I would 1000% do that. And clear a spot in my living room to put it. Just fantastic entertainment all the way around. I never got tired of it.

   
• MORTY! NEWSLASH: Justin Roiland: Rick and Morty creator dropped by Hulu as well as Adult Swim. Holy crap. I mean... It had to happen, but wow. I have no idea how this is going to affect Rick and Morty, which has been so good this past season.

   
• Expensive Air! California has "packaging waste" laws which are designed to keep manufacturers from putting a tiny amount of product in a massive box. Wonder what they think of this travesty from Hot Pockets?

I am trying their new Deliwich frozen cheese sandwiches. There's 4 in a box. A massively huge box which could easily hold TWELVE OF THEM! WTF?!? I thought that they'd be a hell of a lot bigger than this. But the worst part was not the feeling that I was deceived and ripped off... it's the fact that these Deliwich things are awful. Pasty, doughy, gross. I was expecting something flakey and light. It's like a bad salty biscuit with a little cheese jammed inside. How did this ever make it to market? Did they taste-test it?

   
• Shoresy! I am going to wrap up this most excellent Bullet Sunday with some very good news... Shoresy has been renewed for a second season over at Hulu! And the best news? It's coming this year...

Easily one of my favorite shows of 2022 (it ranked #5 on my Best Of... list), I wasn't sure that we'd get a second season, but here we are.

   
Fingers crossed that more giant asteroids are incoming, but until then... see you next Sunday!

Is it really Spring? It kinda feels like it might be... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

   
• RIP DPReview! Back when I bought new digital cameras and wasn't using my iPhone camera for 99% of my photos, I was a massively huge fan of DPReview. Their reviews are stellar and they provide information in a way that makes it easy to decide what you should be buying. Unbeknownst to me, Amazon bought out the site in 2007. Knownst to me, Amazon has decided to kill the site. This is sad, but understandable. Like I said, I haven't used it in years (the last time being 2017 when I was buying gear for my Antarctica expedition). Still... sad.

   
• BEES! Not only are bees cute and smart, they also like to have a good time...

@ianisfun Replying to @the_wizard_e_fod #sciencetok #beetok #minds #consciousness #greenscreenvideo #greenscreen ♬ original sound - Ian Slater

Sad that they're having such a tough time of it.

   
• Theft! Fuck this shit. The Met should be absolutely mortified at their behavior. I know I am...

@hyperallergic “I prayed for his safe and prompt return to his homeland. I prayed to the four directions and then moved on to the main gallery. About two minutes into my brief dance, a member of the museum’s security team approached me and stated that I wasn’t allowed to dance there without permission.” - Sophiline Cheam-Shaprio #archeology #cambodiandance #cambodianartist #greenscreenvideo ♬ Three Miles to Tallehayo - Fableistic

Bad enough that Cambodia's treasures were stolen from them. But this?!?

   
• CELSIUS! I'm not a big fan of sparkling/flavored waters. Unsweetened tastes like somebody ate a bunch of fruit, then farted in the can. Sweetened is okay, but very hard to find. Artificially sweetened tastes like somebody ate a bunch of fruit and chemicals and farted in the can. But now I've discovered CELSIUS drinks, and they are ever so dreamy! Natural flavors that taste amazing... a dash of Sucralose for sweetness... and they even have dietary supplements in them! Like green tea! Like ginger! Like vitamins!

My favorite so far is Fuji Apple Pear. Dang that's good stuff! Love it! If you're looking for a sparkling water that doesn't taste like somebody farted in a can... give it a try!

   
• About Time! NEWSFLASH: “Click-to-cancel” rule would penalize companies that make you cancel by phone. — If you can sign up with a click. You should be able to cancel with a click. Only shitty fucking companies with no confidence in their product force you to call to cancel. It's pathetic and gross and companies like this should be fined. Hard.

   
• Deflect Deflect Deflect! NEWSFLASH: Florida GOP lawmaker who wrote ‘Don’t Say Gay’ bill facing up to 35 years after pleading guilty in COVID fraud case. — All of this shit... all of it... is just people distracting from their heinous shit with attacks on other people who have done nothing to them. Hypocrite fucks.

   
Now back to our regularly-scheduled blog.

After Subway was told that their spokesdouche Jared Fogle was a child predator rapist piece of shit, they decided to ignore it because he sold a lot of their shitty sandwiches. They didn't ditch him until the FBI arrested the asshole in 2015. I never ate at Kidfuckers very often, but decided to stop altogether because I didn't want my hard-earned money going to a repugnant company that placed their profits over getting a child rapist off the streets.

I have eaten there a few times because I was in an unfamiliar city and knew there would be a vegetarian option... but I avoided them whenever I could.

Then today I saw that they were having a Buy One Get One Free on foot-longs. I had skipped breakfast because I was working all morning, and decided to just do it. I ordered two different veggie sandwiches online, picked them up, then went into the office so I could eat one of them.

And was immediately reminded why I never ate there very often in the first place.

Lord their bread is horrific.

It tastes like glue. And the cheese is now cut so thin that it might as well not exist... which is to say that the only thing to distract you from the taste of the bread is whatever toppings you can stomach. Which, for me, doesn't include meats.

So, yeah, I won't be doing that again.

If there's no other option than Subway, I'll just buy a couple of cookies and a bag of Lay's and call it good.

Six years until Subway Jared is released from prison. That's a hundred years too soon.

It's freakin' freezing this Easter Sunday, but there's warmth in my heart... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

   
• Christianity! Given that this is Easter Sunday and a day devoted to celebrating the Resurrection of Christ, I'll be sharing this interesting video which explains the different denominations of Christianity...

But only the version of Christianity you believe in is the correct one.

   
• Shrinkflation! Man. Not only is food getting more expensive, but it just keeps getting smaller and smaller. I usually make my own burritos, but lately I've been buying El Monterey frozen burritos so I can have them on-hand when I don't feel like cooking. This latest bag I bought... the... the burritos look tiny. Almost comically so. No longer are they burritos... they're almost more like taquitos or something! It's crazy. I am having to actually adjust my cooking time so I don't incinerate them!

Shrinkflation has gotten ridiculous. Just give me 7 regular sized burritos instead of 8 mini burritos!

   
• Click! I have never heard of Cookie Clicker before watching this video...

And thank heavens. This is horrific. And the longer it goes on, the more horrific it gets!

   
• Unstable! Okay... I'm loving this show. Rob Lowe has this weird talent for delivering insane dialogue in a way that seems totally natural, and this series exploits that to its fullest...

As if that wasn't enough... Rob's real-life son plays his son in the show! How cool is that?

   
• Spacey! Why is it that Canada gets a frickin' gorgeous logo that's flawlessly executed and beautifully simple while still being very Canadian... while the US gets a rip-off retread from Star Trek that's been complicated to the point of absurdity while having tiny nonsensical "stars" details that will be completely lost when it shrinks down for actual use AND doesn't have any graphic language which tells you this is for the USA?

You literally have to READ it to GET it, which is THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT A LOGO IS SUPPOSED TO DO! And it's not like you can immediately blame the designers, because you just don't know how much of it is them and how much of it is from client demands.

And do not get me started on the idiotic "MMXIX" (2019) detail, WHICH DOES NOT EVEN BELONG THERE! WHO GIVES A FUCK?!?? Also... has anybody seen the Space Force logo in Black and White? Oh yeah... THEY FUCKED THAT UP TOO! Space is black... NOT WHITE...

And that "swoosh" doesn't have a hold-out against the black Star Trek logo, so it looks very disturbing coming out the other side. Yikes.

   
• Home Owner Associations are Awful! John Oliver did a story on HOAs in his latest episode of Last Week Tonight. And I love how people are all "If HOAs are a problem for you, then don't buy a house in an HOA!" — And it's like... in many communities, you may not have much choice for one reason or another. To get a house in my old neighborhood so my mom with dementia had a safe place where people would know her, the only option was an HOA. Now, my HOA is just us four owners, and they've been incredible to me (from allowing me to skirt their 55+ rule since I was buying for my mom... and allowing me to build a catio... and other stuff), but it's entirely possible I would end up in an HOA that was a draconian monster like they're talking about...

And there wouldn't be anything I could do about it if that's what I got. At the very least, there should be a way to appeal an HOA when they are being grossly unfair or unreasonable. But since they are unregulated, they ain't. And since many times you don't get to know the rules until you buy... well... YA FUCKED!

   
• Breadly! How my Easter Sunday began (HE IS RISEN!)...

How my Easter Sunday ended (HE IS BAKED!)...

He was also delicious!

   
And now I'm going to gorge myself on freshly-basked bread.

A couple years ago when the pandemic was in full swing, I spent a lot of time having Zoom meetings with old friends I hadn't spoken to in ages. What else was there to do?

One of my friends is a golf nut, and we somehow got to talking about it, which is a disaster for me because I don't play it, watch it, or care about it. The closest I get are those rare times I play mini golf. But he had such passion for it that the subject was made interesting to me. Somehow we ended up talking about the time he got to go see the Augusta Masters Tournament. Which is like the Super Bowl of golf or something. Coincidentally enough, the Super Bowl is the most difficult sporting event to get tickets to... the second most difficult is The Masters. So getting to attend is a seriously big deal.

But I digress.

The one thing that really stood out about our conversation is him talking about the World Famous Master's Pimento Cheese Sandwiches at the tournament. He told me they cost just $1.50, and the recipe is a closely guarded secret. I nodded my head politely and made a mental note to search the internet for the recipe, because there are no secrets in the Information Age we live in.

Months later I thought to Google it.

And holy shit was I completely unprepared as to what a rabbit hole it would be.

There is more drama surrounding this fucking sandwich than you could possibly guess. The original recipe of 20 years was ditched when a new supplier was hired. This supplier, Rangos, is the one most closely identified with the sandwich... and was making them for 45 years. When Rangos was, in turn, also replaced, the owner took his recipe to his grave, so the replacement had to do their best to recreate it. Then it happened all over again in 2013 when the replacement for the replacement was replaced and, yet again, the secret recipe was not shared. The story is fascinating, if you care to take a look.

Many, many people have come up with their own version of the recipe. And the ingredients vary widely. But one seemed to be more widely accepted as "genuine" as the rest... Gina Dickson's version (sorry about her shitty fucking website plastered with ads, popups, and auto-play videos assaulting you).

Fast forward to a couple weeks ago when The Masters was going on and I decided to buy the ingredients so I could make me a sandwich. But I forgot the bread! All the recipes say you have to buy just cheap-ass white bread, but I usually eat a whole grain or oat-nut bread. But yesterday I remembered to get me some white bread, and today was the day...

And... eh... it's okay. It has a little cayenne in it so there's a nice kick. But I think the sharp cheddar should have probably been more of a medium cheddar and I would eliminate the salt because it's just not needed. Also I would likely use onion granolas instead of finely-diced onions because even though I went seriously fine with the dicing, there's kinda of a texture mismatch going on.

In the end? It's just a fucking sandwich. I'd have rather have just had a grilled cheese.

The weather can't make up its mind lately, but I'm not letting grey skies ruin my weekend... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

   
• Ghosty Mc Ghost Ghost! I was SO looking forward to Ghosted on Netflix. The film didn't disappoint. Ana de Armas is frickin amazing... and the fact that Chris Evans could play absolutely ANYTHING he wants, but chooses to play the damsel in distress in this movie just makes me love him all the more (he had already completely changed my mind about his career trajectory with Gifted, which I also loved)...

This is a great action flick, and the performances are everything you'd hope they'd be given how outrageous the story is. There's also some notable cameos to watch out for, if you're interested in giving it a shot.

   
• Mrs. Davis Loves You! There's a new show on Peacock called Mrs. Davis. I'm loving it, but am having a hardtime putting into words why I'm loving it. Maybe the trailer will help?

Jake McDorman (from Limitless) is in it, which doesn't hurt. Also in the series? A very cool edition of Bristish Knights shoes...

Alas, you can't actually buy these, which seems like a hugely missed opportunity.

   
• Edna! Comedian Barry Humphries died this past week. He is most known for playing a character which I obsessed over for the longest time...

In one of those sublime ironies, Humphries grew famous for a drag performance, but was a noted transphobe. I always looked at him differently after that. Fortunately most of the time I knew of Dame Edna was well before he outed himself as a bigot. But still...

   
• S'more! I won't go so far as to say that I hated The Menu... but I came very close. It was a film based on manipulation and shock value which had no value. At least not to me. It also dragged on to the point of tedium once the plot had been revealed. This was a painful conclusion for me to draw, because I loved the cast and the performances were amazing. THAT BEING SAID... the end game was brilliant. From Anya Taylor-Joy's little monologue to Ralph Fiennes's response to Anya's last request to the final shot of the film. It's flawless and haunting. I have fast-forwarded the movie to the end to watch it at least six times. Including just now today...

It makes me want to re-cut the movie down to a 15-20 minute short which is nothing but that which could have been a great flick.

   
• Pricey Taco! I swear before the pandemic that I was able to walk into Taco Bell and get my usual Two Chalupa Supremes (substitute rice for beef), a side of Fiesta Potatoes, and a bottle of water for under $10. But now? SEVENTEEN FIFTY-SEVEN?!??

WTF?!? And what's worse? NOBODY TAKES YOUR ORDER! YOU HAVE TO INPUT IT YOURSELF ON A BACTERIA-RIDDLED TOUCH-SCREEN! Good thing I travel with hand sanitizer!

   
• Hey Siri! The fact that Siri has become so fucking useless for home automation shouldn't really surprise me, but it totally does. Lately when I ask Siri to play a song, all I get is "There's a problem with Apple Music." Ask to unlock the door... The front door is not responding (though I can unlock through the app just fine). Even turning on a frickin' light is hit-or-miss. And when you call Apple they don't know shit. About a music service I PAY them for. And HomeKit has always been useless, so I don't even bother to try and get support for that. And so... no idea what I'm going to do. Amazon and Google are pulling resources from their digital assistants, so I don't know if they'll even be around to switch to. Thank heavens I made sure that all my new devices are Matter compatible. Maybe some enterprising company (or individual) will come up with a localized voice assistant for Matter that I can buy to run locally. Then I get a small computer and some kind of Matter-compatible microphones and call it a day. Why is it that companies have failed so miserably with a technology that's supposed to be our future? It started out so promising... now this.

   
• Taters! I bought a bag of luxury potatoes because I wanted to make potato salad this weekend. But when it came time to do it tonight... I looked at the bag... and thought "ZOMG! I WANT CRISPY-FRIED SPICY POTATOES FOR DINNERRRRR!!" I love them, but they take SO long to make properly. You have to cook them on low under a cover to get them softened. Then you have to add oil and fry at a higher temperature. Then you have to keep micro-dosing oil on them and turning not too early and not too long so they brown up nicely. Then you have to taste continuously so you can add just the right amount of freshly-ground black pepper, salt, harissa spice, cayenne, and Central Street blend. BUT OH SO WORTH IT! So crispy! So spicy! So hot!

Most restaurants won't put in the time and effort. But I'm patient and have very good flipping skills with a skillet.

   
Now it's time to eat those beautiful taters.

Yesterday I went to make a shopping list so I could plan a trip to the grocery store this weekend. As I opened up the Safeway app, I decided to roll the dice and see if delivery was available to my small city. Unlike the last several times I tried, delivery was actually available!

And so... I gave it a try. If grocery delivery is normal for you, then you already know how it works. But for me?

Ever since the pandemic started and the lockdown happened, I make one big grocery run the first weekend of the month (after payday)... then make little trips for perishables until the next month. And that's what I did when making my order for delivery. Which is silly, really. I signed up for a "free delivery" trial so I could get $30 or more in groceries delivered any time I want for one month. And since $30 barely buys anything anymore, it would be easy to hit that amount.

Habits, and all.

The nice thing about making an order through the Safeway app is that I get all the stupid-ass discounts available... Weekly ad, Just 4 U, Club Card... and whatever else they dream up to make shopping a massive chore because it's a crapshoot if the discounts actually get applied. Because a lot of times, at least one of them doesn't. But with the app, you see the discount on every item. And the grand total you pay reflects all the discounts you got. Refreshing!

Delivery fees vary by how big of a window you request. A one-hour window is $9.95. Larger windows cost less money... down to $3.95. But since I'm on a free trial, I was able to get a one-hour window after work for $0.00. Nice.

Safeway allows you to add a tip for your driver. They default to 5%, but I went up to 10%... which actually worked out to over 15% because the amount is calculated on the total before discount. I've seen the videos about the horrendous shit that drivers have to put up with, and it seems like the very least I could do. Especially since they are saving me a 20 minute drive to the store, followed by 30 minutes shopping, followed by a 20 minute drive home.

You're texted a link once your groceries leave the store so you can cyber-stalk your driver...

All my groceries arrived on time. Everything I ordered was there. Frozen stuff was still frozen. Cold stuff was still cold.

It was like magic.

I seriously felt like a kid on Christmas morning.

There was only one thing that made it not a perfect experience. The two small bags of salad I got were turning brown. Not expired yet. But far from fresh. If I were doing the shopping myself, I would have never bought them. There's $3 down the drain. The rest of the produce was great though.

I'm probably going to pay for the subscription for free delivery. It's $99 a year, but you get a $5 credit every month, bringing it down to $39. Then you get discounts and specials which will probably make it a wash. The only thing I'll be paying extra is the tip for my driver, which far, far outweighs the inconvenience and horrors of having to do it all myself.

And I could do with a little less horror right now.

Apples are my favorite fruit. My current favorite variety of apple is "Pink Lady" which are tart and crisp, but have sweet notes. They are good eating and fantastic with caramel dipping sauce. For reasons I don't understand, they got shoved aside in favor of "Cosmic Crisp" apples. This variety isn't terrible... it's juicier and has more flavor than the "Red Delicious"... but it's not the best-tasting apple I've had.

The first batch of Cosmic Crips I saw were incredibly expensive. I bought one to try. Then never bought them again because they were too speedy. But then I noticed that they had plummeted in price. And the store was having a sale: four for the price of three. I bought them because they were actually cheaper than many other options (including Pink Ladies).

I still don't understand the infatuation. And maybe other people don't either for them to be sold so cheap. Fortunately I had plenty of dipping caramel to add some flavor.

And speaking of crispy...

Pete Davidson, of whom I've always been a fan, has a new show out called Bupkis. Not only is it darn good (if a little uneven), it has a huge list of guest stars. And, Lord only knows how, he managed to get JOE PESCI out of retirement, but he's amazing in this...

If you've got Peacock, it's worth a look. If, for no other reason, you can find out why the fourth episode is more crispy than Cosmic Crisp.

I have apparently reached the point where I am the guy who doesn't want to leave the house.

Remember when you could drive to the Seattle-Tacoma International Airport from my house in 2 hours and 25 minutes? Pepperidge Farms remembers. Now you are very lucky to do it in under 3 hours... even if you carefully plan it so that you hit that narrow 1:30 to 3:30 window where the traffic is bad... but not horrendous like what happens after 3:30.

Even though I planned accordingly, there were two lane closure events that cost me 20 minutes and a traffic slow-down that added an additional 10 minutes. So... needless to say it was well over 3 hours travel time. Again. This blows. Left at 12:30, arrive at 3:40. It's gotten to the point where I just want to stay home with my cats and not go anywhere.

I'd get drunk to decompress, but I have work in the morning and don't want to be hung over for it.

So instead I went to Cheesecake Factory for Corn Cakes...

No, it doesn't make up for having to leave home.

But it does come close.

I do not take blog hiatuses very often. It's actually pretty rare.

I've had maybe 5 or 6 in twenty-three years maybe? My longest hiatus was, understandably, when I was moving my mom to a facility (and the aftermath) because I couldn't care for her any more. It was the absolute lowest time in my life with a hurt so deep that communicating with the outside world (let alone the entire internet) simply wasn't possible for four months. Oddly enough, I didn't take a hiatus when she passed two years later. By that time I had already said goodbye twice... once when I moved her out of my home... again when she no longer remembered me... so it was actually therapeutic to remember how incredibly lucky I was to have such a great mom, and reflect on what an inspiration she is and the horrors of her slide into dementia, then talk about my lessons learned about caring for a loved one with dementia so that maybe it could help somebody else.

Other hiatuses aren't nearly so dramatic. A couple times because I had things to deal with. A couple times because my blog was broken.

But this past week? There really isn't a reason. I just needed a week off. I have entirely too much on my plate to write about anything so I just... didn't.

Let's see what happened...

• My spiffy new heat pump uses the existing return line to the air exchanger in my garage. It's a line that goes through my walls. And because the builder did a horrendously shitty job securing the line and made zero effort to dampen the sound, it can get way more noisy than I'm comfortable with. So I am having to rip out another wall to deal with that (let's see... that would be #4, if you're counting).
• After my first landscaper got COVID and was no longer able to work... my second landscaper bailed after I approved his plan ("I can't deal with the job right now")... and my third landscaper just plain ghosted me after his final proposal didn't include major things we discussed, but was the still same price he originally quoted!... I am now on landscaper number four. I am fairly optimistic. And I'm happy that I didn't spend all the money I saved for the project four years ago.
• My annual Spring allergies are killing me. As I age, I swear they are getting worse and worse. It's all so weird because I had outgrown all my allergies decades ago, only to have them return now? Why?
• My job is pretty tough. I have to juggle a lot of tasks, know a lot of information, and be creative enough to assemble it all in a pleasing way. Which is why I don't fucking need things making my life harder. And the thing making my life exceedingly difficult right now is the Epson Colorworks printer I have to use for printing labels. Constant problems. Changing labels is a nightmare. Constantly thinks it's jammed when there's nothing jammed in it. A roll runs out of labels and the printer acts like the world is fucking ending instead of just stopping and alerting you. Half the time I end up having to turn the printer off and on MULTIPLE TIMES in order to get the thing to finally LOAD THE FUCKING LABELS. — The first computer I used was a punchcard computer as a guest of a university. From there I moved to a VAX. The first personal computer I had was an Apple ][. I have bought more computers and computer tech in the past 40 years than I can even remember. AND THE EPSON COLORWORKS PRINTER IS THE FUCKING WORST OF ANYTHING I'VE EVER USED! Seriously horrendous. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I FUCKING HATE IT. I'd almost rather draw the labels by hand than to use this fucking thing ever again. I fantasize about setting it on fire. Or pushing it off a cliff. Or dropping it in the ocean. I am posting this to my blog so that anybody Googling for thoughts on this fucking piece of shit will know to avoid AT ALL COSTS.
• Because time has been scarce, cooking has been minimal this past week. The majority of what I've been eating has been frozen stuff. It's starting to wear on me. Until I started eating healthier, I had no idea how much of a toll crap food was taking on me. But I'm just too exhausted to spend the 30 minutes to an hour cooking up something better each night. Really hoping to do a hard reset on my meals soon, because this is unsustainable.
• And of course there's the usual bullshit that never seems to stop. I swear, some people have completely given up on decency and kindness, and just just live to see how many people they can hurt. Watching it in the news day-in and day-out is demoralizing in every possible way. A part of me wonders exactly what has to happen before there's no turning back from the toxic hellscape we're creating. I mean, clearly we're already in hell... Florida reaffirms this almost daily... but this trend of persecuting as many people as possible just because people don't like them or don't care about them will almost certainly spill over into things and people who they DO like, right? Trans persons and drag queens today... but maybe Episcopalians and left-handed people tomorrow? Where the fuck does it end?

Since blogging is pretty much... well... dead... I might have to take a minute more often. I always thought that if I took breaks I would just stop altogether, but it hasn't happened yet. So maybe?