Virginia Delegate Mark Cole has filed legislation which requires schools to be certain that kids are using the bathroom which corresponds to their "correct anatomical sex."
Sounds legit...
...IF YOU'RE A CHILD-MOLESTING PERVERT!
I can only guess that Mark Cole will also be volunteering at schools to take a look at a child's genitals before allowing them to enter a restroom? What a disgusting piece of work.
Note to dumbass politicians... we all know that there is some fucked up shit going on in your bathrooms... which is why you're always getting caught there with prostitutes or doing cocaine or soliciting for a blow job or whatever... but you can't apply your personal shit to the general populace. Most normal people go to the bathroom TO GO TO THE FUCKING BATHROOM. It doesn't mater what their sex or how they identify, they don't equate going to the bathroom with anything sexual... they just want to piss or take a shit, (hopefully) wash their hands, then trip the fuck out the door. Which means the only perverted person in this scenario is PEOPLE LIKE DELEGATE MARK COLE.
You know what law I want to see on the books? A law banning these fucking idiots from using public restrooms. Their obsession over what's between my legs is bordering on psychotic, and I don't feel comfortable being trapped in closed quarters with transphobic, homophobic, bigoted assholes who are more interested in my junk than TAKING CARE OF ACTUAL FUCKING PROBLEMS!
Just when you think we're making progress, there's always some troglodyte crawling out of the ooze to be a dick.
Huh.
I really had no plans to vote Bernie Sanders into The White House, but this is such a compelling argument as to why I should that I may just have to reconsider...
Bill O'Reilly gone? Will he take his dipshit show to Ireland with him?
Yeah, that's totally worth becoming a socialist.
Every time Sarah Palin shows her stupid ass in public, I pray that it will be such an epic disaster that it will entice Tina Fey to make a return appearance on Saturday Night Live.
So when Palin's endorsement of Donald Trump came along, which is pretty much the definition of "epic disaster," I was counting the minutes until Saturday.
I was not disappointed...
What's amazing is that Tina Fey didn't really have to embellish the sheer lunacy that is Sarah Palin in order to capture the hilarity of somebody this idiotic being popular enough to endorse a presidential candidate and have people pay attention.
Such is 'Murica.
As the possibility of a Trump presidency starts to get all too real, it's only natural to stop and try to figure out how we got here.
A good part of it... and the part I fully admit to embracing... is the fact that he's a complete political outsider. Who doesn't dream of a country where their politicians aren't so far up the ass of lobbyists and billionaires that they vomit shit every time they open their mouths? The vast majority of our "public servants" don't give two shits about the people they "serve"... they only care about maintaining power and getting re-elected. That takes money. Lots and lots of money. And so our politicians gleefully sell themselves to the highest bidder, fucking over the American people while they do so. That's how we end up with things like outrageous health insurance premiums that go not to maintaining our heath... but to keep the private jets for billionaire insurance company owners flying. It's how we end up with toxic chemicals in our water supply. It's how we end up with jobs being shifted overseas. It's how we end up with new net-neutrality killing bills being introduced again and again and again. Politicians simply do not give a fuck if the laws they make completely screw over average Americans trying to make a decent living. They've got their political careers to think about.
But not Trump.
At least not in ways that really count.
He's got money. It doesn't matter how he got his money, he just has it, and he doesn't have to pony up to the lobbyist trough for political survival. Sure, he's probably had to make some shady deals happen with some shady people... you don't amass that much wealth without having some skeletons in the closet but, politically, he's about as independent as you could hope for.
It's what he chooses to do with that independence that's the problem.
While he may actually do some amazing things... like breaking up insurance monopolies and weakening pharmaceutical cartels... it's the other half of the equation that makes a Trump presidency possible.
Appealing to bigotry, racism, hatred, and the general stupidity of the population at large.
Trump proudly runs with all of it right out in the open. And his supporters love him for it. "He says the things people are thinking!" they say.
Which would be great, except for all the bigotry, racism, and hatred.
But that's not even the worst part about Trump. At least with him all the bigotry, racism, and hatred is out in the open where we can see with it and deal with it honestly. This would certainly be a refreshing change from the closeted bullshit that is going on behind the scenes now.
No, the problem with Donald Trump is that he's Donald Trump.
At this point, I don't even care about the embarrassment factor. I got through the non-stop humility of George W. Bush representing the US on the international stage, I can certainly survive Trump. And it's not even about the stupidity factor. Trump may be a fucking idiot, but he's leagues above the dimwit dumbfuckery that defined Bush. Leagues above.
No. No. It's the fact that Trump is such a pathetic, gaping asshole.
Just imagine it.
Any semblance of tact and decency is out the fucking window. Trump does what Trump wants and to hell with everybody else. So what if he calls President François Hollande a pussy on his first diplomatic to France? Who cares if he drops his pants and takes a shit on the table in front of Prime Minister Justin Trudeau while negotiating trade agreements in Canada? What does it matter that he grabs Chancellor Angela Merkel's breasts at a summit in Germany? He just doesn't care enough about what people think about him to be at all restrained... or even remotely presidential.
Which is exactly what his supporters seem to want, regardless of how such assholery is going to reflect on our country.
And that's the thing that bothers me the most. Not necessarily that our country is going to be a laughing stock in the global community... we've been down that road... but that people are okay with that.
I'm not a fan of Bernie Sanders. He's a massive con-man who is somehow convincing people that the president actually has the power to do all the things he's been promising on the campaign trail. As if "President of the United States" is like a king that makes laws by royal decree instead of having to assemble of bipartisan coalition to get anything done. Are we really supposed to believe that a Republican-dominated Congress is going to let President Bernie unleash his brand of democratic socialism? Of course not. Even if the Republicans weren't in power, he'd have a hard enough time getting all his fellow Democrats to support him. Hell... how many of his fellow Congressmen are supporting him now? Two? Maybe? It doesn't matter if enough people buy into Bernie's vision for America to get him elected... he has nowhere to go when he occupies the White House, and I remain dumbfounded that his supporters don't seem to realize this. Still, in a contest between Pie-In-The-Sky-Sanders and Asshole-Trump, I'll take the delusion of any day. Meaningful change ain't going to happen... because it can't happen like this... but at least Bernie won't set back social change a few decades.
I'm really, really not a fan of Hillary Clinton. I loathe her on so many levels that my teeth grate just typing her name. Why I feel that way I've gone into many times. But in a contest between Hypocrisy-Is-My-Agenda-Clinton and Asshole-Trump? Hillary 2016, baby.
On the Republican side, things are a bit more difficult to measure.
Would I rather have Ted Cruz as the nominee over Asshole-Trump? Oh fuck no.
Would I rather have Marco Rubio as the nominee over Asshole-Trump? Probably not.
Ben Carson? BWAH HA HA HA HA HAAAAA! Um. No.
I might prefer Jeb! over Asshole-Trump, but he's going down faster than a lead weight and has no chance.
I dunno enough about John Kasich, but it's not like he's a factor anyway.
If I had to make a prediction now, I'd put money on a Clinton 2.0 presidency. She ultimately comes down to the lesser of all evils, and I think that's what is going to carry her to victory. Obviously not my ideal presidential scenario.
But it beats the hell out of President Asshole-Trump, and that's what I'm trying to focus on.
"South Dakota Is The First State To Pass A Transphobic Student Bathroom Bill."
I'm just mortified by this. ALL PEOPLE WANT TO DO IS USE THE DAMN BATHROOM! THE ONLY PEOPLE SEXUALIZING THIS ARE THE PEOPLE PASSING LAWS LIKE THIS!
So yeah... send the trans woman to the men's bathroom where South Dakota rednecks will beat the shit out of her just for wanting to pee. Lovely.
So small.
So very, very small...
But scary. So very, very scary.
Double your Bullet Sunday, double your fun! Because a Very Special SHOPPING Make-Up Edition of Bullet Sunday starts... now...
• Sam. Anybody saying that women don't have what it takes to bring it in a hard-hitting comedic "journalism" show aren't watching Samantha Bee in Full Frontal. I'd put her up against Trevor Noah, Larry Wilmore, or John Oliver any day. Hell, I'd put her up against Jon Stewart or Stephen Colbert. Samantha Bee is made of awesome...
Mondays at 10:30pm on TBS.
• Free! Well, this is new...
A free house is quite a deal. Which is why I imagine it's the "U-HAUL" part that makes this some tricky business. After Googling the costs associated with relocating an actual house, the money involved seems absurdly high. Approaching the cost to buy a house! And I can't imagine that the house will ever be as structurally sound as it was originally, which means that the costs are just beginning. Still, it looks a decent house. I might have taken them up on it if somebody hadn't spray-painted "for sale" graffiti on the front of it.
• Vampyre! Turns out one of my new kittens is a vampire...
Here's hoping he stays satisfied with kitten blood and doesn't move on to humans.
• Five! And, speaking of cats... high-five, Chris Hardwick... HIGH FIVE!
My cats like to watch television and participate as needed.
• Con. And... my local comic convention, the Emerald City Comicon apparently didn't get the memo about trying to expand the audience for comic books in a positive way. I find this infuriating. A lot of the time I think people overreact to stuff like this. But in this case? I don't think people are reacting ENOUGH. Take your daughter to Comicon on "Kid's Day" and she gets to wear a badge featuring an illustration of a woman being molested by a monster? Really? And their fix for this bullshit? YOU have the option of trading in your badge to get a different one. Yes, the burden is on YOU. Insanity.
• Patriotism. Sometimes... not often, but sometimes... justice wins out.
Learning that freedom of speech doesn't mean freedom from consequences is a tough lesson. Though, I have to say... a part of me does feel badly for this kid. Is what he did wrong? Absolutely. Is this the kind of person we want representing the United States of America in our armed forces? No. Did he get what he deserves? Sure. But history has shown time and time again how mob mentality can sway even a good person to do reprehensible things. I know nothing about this guy or where his heart is when he's not being swept up in a wave of hatred. Apparently the forces of evil were so strong that he proudly posted a photo of him verbally assaulting someone on his Facebook page. Maybe that's who he really is, I don't know. But the heinous amount of hate that keeps building and building and building which makes sad events like this possible has been weighing on my mind a lot lately. We, as a society, are far weaker finding our strength from fear and hatred than courage and mutual respect. But that's the way it is. I'm truly happy that justice was served here. I can only hope that it will result in some deep soul-searching that leads to reevaluation and a newfound kindness. But it could just as easily lead to an escalation of the hate that's already taken hold. And we just can't afford any more of that.
And there's yer bullets, pardner!
Wait a second.
Our military spending already outpaces Mexico FIFTY TO ONE.
Our military is larger than any other country on earth by a vastly huge margin.
Our stockpile of weapons could destroy this planet a hundred times over. And yet here comes Drumpf saying he needs to "rejuvenate" our military so he can go to war with Mexico... OUR ALLY... if they won't build a wall?
Who the fuck would vote for this dumbass after listening to this absolute lunacy? I'm just beside myself here. I loathe Hillary Clinton with every fiber of my being... but if it comes down to her and this piece of shit? How is this even a contest? Why not just threaten to NUKE Mexico? The result would be the exact same in the international arena. The US would lose every ally we have. A country would have to be fucking insane to ally with us after we strong-arm a current ally possessing a military 2% the size of our own over a fucking wall THAT WON'T EVEN WORK!
A Drumpf presidency would mean the end of us.
The literal end.
There is nowhere to go after that.
Everything we are would be gone. Everything we stand for would be gone. Even worse, we would deserve it. That this asshole can even be considered a candidate is unthinkable. That he's most likely going to be the GOP nominee is unthinkable. But I guess that's how we got here. People refuse to think any more.
Why every nation on earth isn't considering a first-strike scenario against the United States if President Drumpf becomes a reality is beyond me. It wouldn't even be considered an act of war. It would be self-preservation.
Where is the party of the fiscally conservative, socially liberal American?
Every election is a punch to the gut. This one is going to kill me.
Republicans profess to be "conservative" but are only "conservative" about governmental reach where it suits them. Everything else is draconian overreach into our personal lives at unprecedented levels. Democratic candidates don't fare much better. They may be the heart and soul of this country, but are brain-dead in areas we desperately need some smarts. I thought that the Libertarians would be the answer for me, but they're so grossly naive and unrealistic in global policy as to be laughable.
My vote for President of the United States of America is likely going to have to be "Not Trump." Which means I'm voting for Hillary Clinton or Bernie Sanders? I cannot fucking believe this shit.
I DON'T FUCKING BELIEVE IT!
Guess I've offended everybody now. Move along. Nothing to see here.
Ignore that Easter Bunny, because Bullet Sunday starts... now...
• Gary. Gary Shandling passed away, and I'm more than a little sad about that. There's been some great tributes by his fellow comedians, my favorite being from Jimmy Fallon when he sang It's Gary Shandling's Show theme song on The Tonight Show... I was surprised that I still remembered all the words...
You will be missed, sir.
• FREE! I've used the Nik filters for years. They're amazingly useful and powerful tools that were eventually purchased by Google. And now they're FREE! If you are a Photoshop or Lightroom user, run... don't walk... and click right here to get 'em. The only sad thing is that this is probably the end of development for the set.
• Jailed. Sorry... but I'm kinda siding with North Korea on this one. If you are so stupid as to not familiarize yourself with the laws and customs of a country before stepping foot on their soil, then you get what you deserve. The guy even tried to conceal his identity by wearing a hoodie... so don't tell me he didn't know what he was doing was wrong. I mean, holy crap, this is NORTH KOREA... the entire country is a human rights violation, and their history is replete with examples of even the tiniest offense resulting in harsh punishment. This was no accident that landed him in jail, it was intentional violation of their laws. Pity he didn't seem to grasp the consequences for his actions but, again, not North Korea's fault that he's an idiot.
This reminds me of the stupidest fucking movie I've ever seen called Born American where some drunken frat boys cross over into The Soviet Union on a goof during The Cold War. As the consequences of their actions escalate and a small town is decimated while the Soviet army is after them... they, of course, end up captured. And the whole movie is them whining about their horrible treatment and how they don't deserve it because THEY'RE AMERICAN, DAMMIT! Never mind the damage, death, and destruction they caused... BECAUSE: AMERICAN!!!
Well fuck you. All the dumbasses like this do when being dumbasses is make it more difficult (and more risky) for other American travelers who DO follow the rules and customs and want to travel abroad. And here we are, once again reinforcing the "Ugly American" stereotype we so richly deserve. And now I'm supposed to feel sympathy for you because you're a moron? Oh do go on. Do I feel sorry for the friends and family who will miss and worry about this tool? Of course I do. I feel sorry they came to care about somebody who ended up being dumber than a box of rocks.
• Balls. Well. This is new. Woke up to the cats grabbing their spongey ball, taking it up the stairs, then pushing it off so they can chase it down the stairs... over and over and over and over and over and over again. They are still doing it an hour later...
• Easter. I thought I'd be all cute and give the cats an Easter Bunny for Easter Sunday. Set it next to Jenny while she was sleeping. She woke up and was so freaked out that she grabbed it, drug it upstairs, then ran back to her perch and fell back asleep...
• Thanks. To all the wonderful people who posted birthday wishes on the 24th, THANK YOU. I am truly blessed to have friends that would take the time to say such wonderful things as I inch ever-closer to death. It would be better to have friends that would take the time to send money, but I am grateful just the same. Love you guys. Love you guys and your cheap, cheap hearts.
Enjoy those eggs, everybody!
Can't get no satisfaction? You've been looking in the wrong place, because an all-new Bullet Sunday starts... now...
• STRANGE! I love love love love Dr. Strange in the comics. Other than whitewashing The Ancient One from Tibetan to a white English woman (to appease the massive Chinese movie market, I'm guessing), this looks very promising indeed...
November can't get here quickly enough. But first? Captain America: Civil War, baby! This film is getting amazing pre-release reviews and I cannot wait to see it.
• Representative? Congratulations North Carolina! The homophobic asshole politicians you elected are fucking up your state real good. But you probably don't need all those billions in jobs and visitor cash... I'm sure North Carolina is sitting on piles of money to make up for what you're losing. Oh? You're not? MIGHT WANT TO REMEMBER THAT WHEN YOU'RE IN THE VOTING BOOTH NEXT TIME!
Only hope now is a full-on repeal of this horrendous law, I guess...
THAT'S NOT A REPEAL, YOU ASSHOLE! Congratulations, North Carolina, you're getting exactly what you deserve for electing this homophobic, transphobic piece of shit. Might want to think about a recall.
• Whores! While looking around at the local antique mall, I spotted these Bible-toting dolls that made me laugh...
Tres adorbs.
• Nacho Cheese My new favorite snack: over-cooked nachos. Why oh why didn't I discover that over-baking the cheese made nachos ten times more delicious?
All those chips and cheese wasted.
• Funny Not Funny. I laughed over this for about ten minutes...
No, I'm not proud of myself.
And... that's all the bullets we have or today. Move along. Nothing more to see here. Move along...
Seriousness is overrated, because Bullet Sunday starts... now...
• Anchor! Every dresser, shelf, and storage unit I have that's over two feet tall is anchored to the wall. I'm trying my best to insure that no visiting child... or resident kitty... or even an adult... is going to be hurt by a piece of furniture in my home. This is a very, very important read... especially if you have little ones in your home... furry or not. Make time to read it.
• Space-Muppets! Farscape movie confirmed! When it comes to episodic science-fiction television, you can't beat the original Star Trek. But Farscape came close. I loved the show for it's creativity and imagination from the very first episode, and remained a fan right up until the last show (and The Peacekeeper Wars mini-series that followed).
I am such a fan of the show that I have autographed photos of the entire cast of Farscape (except for Rigel because he's a puppet) from when I attended the very first Farscape convention in Burbank. In order to attend the convention, I had to cut short a trip to Japan, which is why my autograph from the beautiful Farscape character Aeryn Sun says: "To David. Thanks for choosing us over Japan - Love, Claudia Black."
Yes, the show lost its way quite a bit in the last season, but it never lost its ability to entertain. I am hopeful that the movie will give us the very best the show has to offer and remind everybody why it has such a rabid fan-base in the first place.
• Spend. The Secret Shame of Middle Class Americans Living Paycheck to Paycheck is a fascinating read. I had a hard time getting past the fact that 47% of "Middle Class" Americans would have trouble coming up with $400 for an emergency. But then I think back to the medical expenses that were overwhelming me two years ago... and that was me. There were months I'd have trouble coming up with 40¢ for an emergency. Today? Yes, I could do it, but with my savings going towards a remodel and a chunk of my paycheck going towards mortgage and all that... it would not be a piece of cake by any means. Especially if it's a month I've visited Home Depot. As a follow-up, the lovely Bluegrass Food posted another powerful article: Parents are Bankrupting Themselves to Look Adequate.
• Save. Seems like a good time to re-post this timeless SNL gem...
Logic can be so logical sometimes.
• Redneckity. Nails it...
Trae Crowder is a comedian, but says he's speaking from the heart in these videos. I don't doubt it. His YouTube channel is essential viewing material.
And that's all she wrote for this week. Whomever "she" is. She's not me, or so I'm guessing.
And so Harriet Tubman has been chosen to replace Andrew Jackson on the front of the $20 bill.
Even a cursory examination of her story reveals that she is the epitome of American spirit (and, I'd argue, American values), and I think she is a fantastic choice for the honor.
But, of course, she's Black and a woman, which means the controversy over her selection is already unloading all over the internet. Most of it is almost comical in its ignorance. My favorite being "SHE WASN'T EVEN A PRESIDENT!" as if that's a requirement (which begs the question of how Benjamin Franklin and Sacagawea ended up on our modern money, but whatever). And then there's the "YOU'RE CHANGING OUR TRADITIONS AND HISTORY!" brigade (I'll just leave this link right here), which is equally telling in ignorance about how far back some people consider "history" to go.
Rumor has it that Viola Davis has been working on a Tubman biopic for a while now. Something tells me that she's going to have no problem getting it off the ground now. Which is awesome news, of course. There's a lot of ignorant people in need of a history lesson.
As always, it's just a matter of whether they choose to listen to it.
Where has civility and respect gone in our society?
I dunno, but I ran across a video that vividly illustrates how it's quickly becoming a thing of the past.
This disgusting crap just boggles my mind. Don't these assholes have mothers? Sisters? Grandmothers? Daughters? Any women they remotely give a shit about? How do they justify this behavior to themselves?
Horrific.
Their mothers must be so proud.
Don't despair over your impending march to Monday, because Bullet Sunday starts... now...
• HASTURD! What happens when a complete piece of shit holds political power?
Apparently they get away with being child-raping garbage. God bless America.
• Jack! And so it looks like John Krasinski has been cast as Jack Ryan in a new Amazon series based on John Clancy's books. In all honesty, I think he may end up being the best Jack Ryan yet. Baldwin wasn't physical enough. Ford was too old. Affleck not cerebral enough. Pine was just (surprisingly) plain bad. They all lacked something essential to the character. Krasinski, on the other hand, is the whole package. If they get the story right, I think he'll knock it out of the park. And if he can get his wife to make a guest appearance, so much the better! The only thing that gives me pause is that Carlton Cuse and Graham Richard are developing the series. Given the way they took an amazing concept and flushed it down the toilet with Lost, my confidence in them delivering with Jack Ryan is very low. Fingers crossed though.
• English! If you're into linguistics, here's a video for you...
Of course, there are dialects within dialects on both sides of the pond, but this is a pretty great encapsulation of the differences.
• Shame. This is the America we're building...
PEOPLE. JUST. WANT. TO. FUCKING. PEE! As they've been doing in bathrooms for centuries! And yet, here we are... people being terrified by asshole politicians taking a non-problem and blowing it up so as to distract from what's really going on...
Again, the people most responsible for doing heinous shit in public bathrooms... ARE ASSHOLE POLITICIANS, ASSHOLE RELIGIOUS NUTS, AND ASSHOLE CRIMINALS... not transgender persons! And if you buy into the lies, guess what, you're the problem!
• Pop! Amazing how I'm still discovering excellent 80's pop music that I somehow missed in the actual 80's. This time? A Good Heart by Feargal Sharkey...
And, just to show that I'm not above missing out on current pop music, I recently heard Cake by the Ocean by DNCE, which is awesome...
And, yes, that's a Jonas Brother on the mic there.
Alrighty then... the time has come to say goodbye to another edition of Bullet Sunday. Until next week...
You know, it's one thing to raise your children in your own image and teach them your personal brand of morality... that's a parent's job. But it's quite another to teach your children to ambush other children over something of which they have no control.
As made abundantly clear from this moronic video courtesy of the Jehovah's Witnesses...
"Well... people have their own ideas about what is right and wrong..." Yes. And some people's "ideas" are bullshit that destroys lives, but whatever.
After watching this primer on homophobia, I'm dying to know what happens next... this little girl confronts Carrie and tells her that her moms are going to hell unless she convinces them to change their "evil ways?" What's that do for Carrie? If her moms don't split up and marry men like she tells them "Jehovah intended" is she supposed to bail on them at age 6? Is this wacky family going to adopt her and every other kid whose lives their "ministering" destroys? Or at least pay for the funeral expenses when Carrie can't take the badgering anymore and kills herself?
This video is everything wrong with American society today. It's not enough that you have the freedom to believe whatever you want to believe for yourself and your family... you have to force your views on other people too? Well fuck you. This being America and all, each family gets to decide for THEMSELVES how they want to live their life. If you don't agree with that, then feel free to "minister" to THEIR PARENTS if you must... but leave the fucking kids alone. It's hard enough for children to survive in a world where they are ridiculed and persecuted for who their parents are... they don't need your self-entitled little shits making their lives worse.
In case it hasn't been glaringly apparent, I fucking loath Ted Cruz.
In all the worst possible ways.
Thus the complete implosion of his presidential ambitions (along with the entire Republican Party) has been a source of great amusement to me. Especially the commentary from Samantha Bee on her show Full Frontal which you should absolutely be watching...
And then there was her epic take-apart from the show...
Yep, we certainly side-stepped a bullet with Ted Cruz for president.
You know you loathe Ted Cruz when you can't even bring yourself to like him a little bit as he drags Donald Trump through the trash. No mention of Trump's UNDENIABLE PROOF that President Obama wasn't a US citizen that we're STILL waiting to see... oh no... couldn't miss the opportunity to get in a dig at Obama, even in defeat...
So long, Cruz, please just go away now.
The weekend may be ending, but there's still some awesome to be had, because a Very Special SUPER-SIZED Bullet Sunday starts... now...
• Red Up! Trae Crowder has released another video and it's starting to look like this is not a fluke... he's funny as hell, dead on target, and the real deal...
"Now I don't know much about Kasich... apparently that somebitch eats the hell out of some sketti." — And in case you've now got a hankerin' for some redneck sketti, I'll share a video with the recipe (a tub of margarine microwaved with a bottle of ketchup and poured over spaghetti) courtesy of Mamma June...
Now that's some fancy cookin' right there.
• Mac-N-Cheez! And while we're on the subject of delicious pasta dishes, the college where this drunk kid attends must have the best mac-n-cheez on the planet, because... damn...
It's not often you see a man go to jail over mac-n-cheez! Oh, one last thing, apparently he's sorry now...
I hope he eventually managed to get that mac-n-cheez. It would be a shame to go through all that for nothing.
• Apocalypse! Apparently we're experimenting with reanimating the dead now. BECAUSE WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG? Have these morons seen, like, ANY ZOMBIE MOVIE EVER? No? Well carry on then. Carry on.
• Rex! No way. NO. WAY!
Purplesaurus Rex Kool-Aid is back! Better run to the grocery store and stock up before Kool-Aid changes their minds and discontinues it again.
• GWEN! James Cordon's "Carpool Karaoke" just doesn't know when to quit! In case you missed it, another episode has dropped...
I hope James starts doing this with more esoteric artists in the future... it's just too good to be restricted to major pop stars.
• Judgement! Sometimes... not often, but sometimes... the humanity that's been lost in our justice system turns up in the most unexpected of places. Bless you, Judge Olivera.
• Problem? There's been an article by the Washington Post circulating which states that Republicans have a massive electoral map problem that has nothing to do with Donald Trump. Actually, I disagree. This has EVERYTHING to do with Donald Trump... and the candidates like him that end up on the Republican ticket. We're in an election where I will be forced to vote for Hillary Clinton, whom I loathe, just to keep the bat-shit craziness that is Trump the hell out of The White House. And Republicans have nobody to blame but themselves. GIVE US AN ELECTABLE CANDIDATE! One we can vote for without setting back human rights, social progress, and decency & compassion for our fellow citizens (and the rest of the planet) by five decades. Half my kingdom for an election where I won't feel like blowing chunks after casting my ballot.
• Suckerpunched! On top of making unbelievably shitty movies, here's yet another reason DC Comics needs to take Zack Snyder the fuck off their films. This asshole has no concept of what makes a good flick... let alone a good super-hero flick... and it's driving me insane. First he utterly destroys Superman, then he takes Christopher Nolan's terrific take on Batman and turns him into a psychotic moron. If, like me, you're waiting for video rental to see the horror that is Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice, AND you don't give a shit about the movie being utterly spoiled, here's all you need to know about it.
And there you have it... more bullets than you can shake a stick at. See you next Sunday.
And so the reprehensible piece of shit George Zimmerman is auctioning off the gun he used to murder Trayvon Martin.
Yes, you read that right.
I remain convinced that the evidence did not support Zimmerman's story. I am steadfast in my belief that Zimmerman is a lying, violent, psychotic asshole, and his history after he escaped justice backs that up. And even if none of that were true, the fact remains that this is entirely his fault. Had Zimmerman called in his racial profiling of Trayvon Martin "walking while Black" into the police... AS HE WAS SUPPOSED TO DO AS A NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH VOLUNTEER... instead of grabbing his gun and playing vigilante lawman... Trayvon Martin would still be alive for daring to eat Skittles and drink a Snapple with a hoodie on.
AND NOW THIS? Fuck this heinous blight on all humanity and may he burn in hell for all eternity. There remains NO JUSTICE FOR TRAYVON MARTIN, and anybody who doubts the need for the Black Lives Matter movement need look no further than this. Indeed, Trayvon's life matters so little that respect for his life is non-existent to Zimmerman and anybody who supports this disgusting turn of events in an incomprehensible chain of events.
And now bring on the Rednekistan rhetoric of me "hating my own race" as opposed to demanding justice for all races. I'm getting used to it.
Oh dear. Trae done got his red up again.
I don't consider myself a liberal (despite being liberal-minded) nor a redneck (despite living in Redneckistan)... but I want to have Trae Crowder's babies. He is so flawlessly on-point in his videos that nine months of suffering would be worth it...
Give this guy a TV talk show. In character. Seriously.
Today in "smaller government" and "fiscal conservatism"... piles of money was wasted on an unconstitutional bill that puts The State in control of your vagina in Oklahoma.
UPDATE: It's not that I expect sanity from Oklahoma Gov. Mary Fallin, but sometimes miracles happen.
Don't let the depressing lack of Saturday get you down, because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...
• Tarzan. As a massively huge fan of the original Edgar Rice Burroughs novels, I'm pretty much done with the Tarzan movie adaptations (if that's what you can call them). The number of times I've seen The Lord of the Jungle reduced to a grunting ignoramus is legion, and has nothing to do with the actual character. Tarzan is a literal genius who speaks dozens of languages and, when he's out of the jungle, highly cultured as well. So you can imagine my eye-rolling reaction to the news that there's a new Tarzan movie coming out...
Except... apparently the movie starts out with Lord Greystoke (aka "Tarzan") in London's high society, his jungle adventuring days long behind him. Sooooooo... maybe? Heaven only knows that I'd love to finally see a half-way decent Tarzan on the silver screen. The special effects are sure up to the challenge. Alas... the heinous memories of the John Carter movie (Edgar Rice Burroughs' other famous creation) still linger...
• The Force. If you're a fan of Star Wars, then here's the site for you...
Amazing. Keeeeeeep scrolling...
• Uhhhhhhhhhh. ZOMFG! YOU CAN'T HAVE GUNS IN JAIL? WTF?! So much for "American freedom!"
I cannot believe these stupid assholes. We have sterilized the entire Bundy clan after this idiocy so they can no longer breed, right?
• Taco! IT'S PEOPLE! THE TACOS AT TACO TIME ARE MADE WITH PEOPLE!
Delicious people! Totally rethinking my stance on vegetarianism...
• Picard! Captain, let's beam down to Rigel for some whores and blow!
Always good to be a starship captain!
And... on that note of ultimate Trekiness... I'm out of Bullets for this week.
To all those who made the ultimate sacrifice in service of our country, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I should probably leave this Memorial Day entry just there out of respect for those brave souls, but...
With each new Memorial Day I look at the sorry state of the USA and feel as though those who gave their lives for it may have died in vain. And I take no pleasure in saying that.
Everything we are... everything we've built... everything we stand for... all of it... seems as though it's come to nothing except divisiveness and hatred. And it drives me insane. We can be so much better than this. But inclusiveness and mutual respect have become a thing of the past, and we're on a course of destruction that has me thinking we're never going to get them back.
But could we if we really wanted to?
It undoubtedly has to start with electing politicians who give a flying fuck about the people they're supposed to represent instead of electing politicians who only care about sucking special-interest dick to keep the money flowing. Re-election is an expensive business, after all, and thats the only thing our politicians truly give a shit about.
It certainly isn't us.
And so the Powers That Be who actually run the country keep us at each other's throats to distract everybody from their real agenda.
Which definitely isn't us.
So how do we convince "the people" to change the system and start giving us a government that's of the people, by the people, for the people... once again?
I have no idea.
But it should probably start with reminding them of those who sacrificed their lives so we even have the opportunity to have a government that's of the people, by the people, for the people.
Happy Memorial Day.
I. Am. Tired.
While my blog was broked, I wrote two entries addressing terrorism and violence and I'm tired.
Tired of what keeps happening. Even more tired of the certainty that it's going to happen again.
When it came to Orlando, this is what I wrote to my friends on Facebook...
I am so horribly selfish in times of crisis. Every time I try to grapple with the evils that men can do and the horrific cost that comes with it, I can only think of how crushed I would be if it were one of my friends that were taken from me. You mean everything to me, I love you, and I can't imagine my life without you. And then I remember that there are people right now facing exactly this, and my heart goes out to them. It's tough not to be blinded by hatred for those who make this world such a horrible place, but the love of my friends gets me through. If that's true for you too, I thought you should know what you mean to me. I don't say how much I love you often enough. None of us do.
Then, before I could even catch my breath, I was writing a blog post about Istanbul...
The terrorist attack on Istanbul's airport hit me hard... all the senseless violence hits me hard... but this one in particular was difficult for me to take. Back in 2007 I was flying out of Istanbul and was pulled aside for secondary screening at the airport. This is nothing new... I'm taken aside for secondary screening all the time. But this time I had horror stories of Turkish prisons filling my head, so it was a little different. There I was, being taken to a small dark room by three guys in uniform, all the while wondering if somebody had snuck something into my bag or if I was going to end up in jail for some reason. But it turns out to have been no big deal... all they did was pat me down and check my shoes. The room was more for my benefit than theirs, as I think they just wanted to spare me any embarrassment from public scrutiny (which was actually kind of considerate). The door was open the entire time, they were really nice and apologetic about the entire ordeal, and it took less than 5 minutes. I've had a lot worse from American security screenings.
And now I can't help but wonder if these three guys who were just showing up to do their job were injured or killed when the bombs went off.
I'm just so tired.
I had been to New York City four or five times previously for work, and had done all the "touristy" stuff I wanted to do. Then one trip I decided to take my mom with me so she could see the big city, which meant I ended up doing all the touristy stuff all over again. Since I was not a Broadway fan, I had never seen a show and had no plans of doing so... but my mom thought a trip to New York would be incomplete without "The Broadway Experience" and so I relented. Problem was... good seats at a show were expensive, and I didn't have the money for good seats. I fretted a bit about my mom's first Broadway show being seen from the back of the theater, and mentioned it to a co-worker. She told me about TKTS, a place where you could get half-off same-day shows that had seats left. I was also told that the Times Square location could get a bit nuts and I should try the location at The World Trade Center. And so the next morning, off we went... where I got us third-row seats, center-stage for "Miss Saigon." Since we were already there, I suggested we visit "The Top of The World"... which I hadn't planned on doing since we had already been up The Empire State Building. It ended up being a pretty great day... got to see NYC from the top of the Twin Towers... went to a couple cool museums... ate lunch at the Stage Deli... visited Central Park and the world-famous FAO Schwartz toy store... all topped off by the lavish stage production of Miss Saigon.
Years later, 9/11 would happen and I'd be forever grateful that fate took us to The World Trade Center for theater tickets so my mom got to see The Top of The World. She wouldn't have another opportunity.
And this is why I can't think of The World Trade Center without hearing "Last Night of the World" from Miss Saigon in my head, and the irony of it all is not lost on me.
Fifteen years later. The song still haunts me.
I was tempted to resume blogging after Election Day so I wouldn't have to comment on the dumpster fire that is the United States presidential race... but here we are.
I would like to say that my feelings towards the candidates are nuanced, complex, and well-formed, but that's not the case. I loathe all the candidates... I especially loathe the Republican and Democrat candidates... and knowing that either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton is going to be my president makes me want to vomit until I die.
My disdain of Hillary Clinton has nothing to do with all the idiotic rhetoric over current or past scandals, or her moronic email missteps, or her husband's indiscretions (?), or even Benghazi (of which a Republican-lead committee found no wrongdoing by Clinton). The simple truth is that Republicans have spent millions upon millions of dollars trying to hang her with something, but nothing ever sticks. Probably because Hillary Clinton is no more or less guilty of the crap that usually goes on with our corrupt politicians. So whatevs.
No no... my problems with Clinton have to do with actual stuff she's done as opposed to all the crazy accusations that plague her. And while there's a lot of examples I could provide, I'm going to limit myself to the two that boggle my mind most because they are almost never brought up.
And then there's this fucking asshole...
Photo credited to Newsweek/Photographer unknown
If the prospect of a Clinton 2.0 presidency is something that makes my stomach churn... the prospect of a Trump presidency has me borderline-suicidal.
Forget that he is a horrible businessman who regularly cheats hard-working people out of their livelihood to make a buck. Forget that he is a notorious liar whose dishonesty is so massive in scope and count that he makes Hillary Clinton look like a choirboy. Forget that he a vile excuse for a human being who gets off on demeaning others. Forget that he changes his mind on major issues at the drop of a hat and has no real plan for anything he promises (much of which is impractically impossible). Donald Trump is a racist, homophobic, misogynistic, foreigner-bashing, non-Christian-hating, ignorant, unstable, narcissistic, intolerant, bigoted piece of shit. And electing Trump is the equivalent of hanging a giant banner outside the country advertising the fact that we're a nation of racist, homophobic, misogynistic, foreigner-bashing, non-Christian-hating, ignorant, unstable, narcissistic, intolerant, bigoted pieces of shit. And that doesn't even address the embarrassment factor of having this ridiculous buffoon representing Americans on the global stage. You think we were the laughing stock of the planet during the Bush years? Try 1400+ days of Toxic Cheeto Jesus.
"President Trump" is the stuff of nightmares and goes against everything this country was built to be. So when I cast my vote for Hillary Clinton, a person I pretty much despise, it's not because I am "voting for the lesser of two evils"... it's because I am voting against the Ultimate Evil.
The United States of America cannot survive Donald Trump as leader of the free world.
But it may have to. For we are a nation not of the people, but of the Electoral College...
This map is an average of projections showing how each state is expected to vote. Blue States are for Hillary Clinton, Red States are for Fuckface von Clownstick. Note that any flip from blue to red of 5 electoral votes or more spells Trumpageddon. That's not a lot of wiggle-room. New Mexico decides they want fascist America, and that's what we are. One nation under Drumpf.
And so...
Brace yourself. I am of the opinion that no matter who wins, we all lose.
It's just a matter of how big.
SUNDAY BEGAT SUNDAY AND SUNDAY IS SUNDAY, because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...
• Butter. A friend of a friend closed his restaurant last December. A while back he was asked if he would share some of his favorite recipes and he did. Then somebody asked him how in the heck he made his burgers taste so good. His answer? "Butter and salt." Saturate the buns in butter before grilling them. Just before flipping, salt and pepper the patty (his restaurant had a touch of garlic powder in the mix) then flip and add more salt. Sodium nightmare? Yes. But restaurants don't have to post Nutrition Facts, so that's how he made his burgers taste great. Tonight I gave it a try with my Boca Burger patties. *AMAZING* The abundance of butter and salt totally takes them to the next level. High blood pressure, here I come!
• Voter. Just sayin'...
Why American's aren't rioting in the streets for an end to our fucked-up two-party system I will never know.
• Wierd World. Oh Lord, Really? Pat Robertson's crazy shit is hilarious, yes, but there are people who actually believe the words he's saying! I mean, the gays are going to force me to like bestiality? BUT I DON'T WANT TO FUCK A GOAT!!! THANKS, THE GAYS!!!
This guy is bat-shit crazy. Genuinely certifiable. Scary insane.
• OH IT IS ON! Heinz starts making yellow mustard... SO NOW FRENCH'S IS MAKING KETCHUP! =BOOM!=
Which one is making mayonnaise next? And will Hellman's start making ketchup and yellow mustard of their own in retalliation?
• Dipshit Pie! Trae Crowder has become one of my favorite vloggers. His unique take on politics is comedy gold, and this was one of my favorites these past months...
Oh noooo.... where are we going to get our meth and pontoon boats?
• DNCE. While I was on sabbatical, I got hooked on DNCE's album Swaay for my "Album of the Summer." Their first video, Cake By The Ocean was catchy as hell and I was instantly addicted...
When they released their next video for Toothbrush, I was baffled by people calling lead singer Joe Jonas "brave" and "progressive" for featuring a plus-size model. IT'S ASHLEY FUCKING GRAHAM!!! She's one of the hottest women on the planet! I mean, seriously, there are guys who would take a look at ASHLEY FUCKING GRAHAM and say "No thank you?" It's not like he put a regular human woman in his video... IT'S ASHLEY FUCKING GRAHAM! Oh how brave of him! He was progressive enough to make out with ASHLEY FUCKING GRAHAM in his video! Give me a break.
The last video was for Body Moves, which was another catchy, high-energy track...
I have no idea if this was just a side-project for Joe Jonas or what. It will be interesting to see if the band stays together for another album. I sure hope so.
And... as good as it feels to be shootin' bullets again, this here Bullet Sunday is at an end.
Remember... you can always vote fourth party tomorrow...
Now just please let the madness end.
I wish I could say I'm surprised.
Even when Hillary Clinton was projected to win by a comfortable margin, I was cautious. The people who made a difference this election were not the people who pollsters pay attention to. President Trump spoke to a large chunk of the population who feel that their values and way of life are fading away, and they are so desperate to hang on to all they hold dear that they elected the candidate that promised them the world. Even though deep down they know that many of those promises will never happen.
And, as I've said more than once, the Democrats have nobody to blame but themselves.
They could have run just about anybody against Trump and won. But they picked a career politician drowning in scandal (real or imagined) who many, many people do not like and would never vote for. You can play up her lifetime of community service... her experience... her famous friends... her popularity with the younger generation... whatever... in the end there are just too many people who don't care about any of it. They are "Never Hillary Voters"... and, apparently, a large enough number of those were casting votes for Democrats in previous elections. This time they sat out, went Trump, or voted third party candidates to grave effect. Sadly, some of those were undoubtedly "Never Hillary Voters" because she was a woman (as difficult as that may be to accept). I am hopeful that wasn't a deciding factor but, make no mistake, it was a factor. I am convinced that a woman candidate could have won against Trump... but this woman was always a gamble.
And, just to be fair, I would have said the Republicans have nobody to blame but themselves if they had lost. Ironically, both parties picked candidates that could only lose against each other.
And soooooo... what's the worst-case scenario that comes from electing President Trump?
The Supreme Court Goes Hard Conservative. This is probably the biggest change for the USA. It is very likely that, in addition to the open seat that's there now, another seat or two will go to a Conservative judge. The ramifications are vast. Abortion will most certainly be made illegal. Money equated to "free speech" will become even more entrenched, meaning even more money in politics. Same-sex marriage and other LGBT protections could be overturned. It's likely that women's rights will take a hit. And what progress we've made in opening up voter's rights will be buried (disenfranchising voters and making it more and more difficult for anybody but Republicans to get elected). This could be a very different country four years from now... and since Supreme Court appointments are a lifetime deal, it's not something that ends when the Trump presidency ends.
Health Care Dismantled. Since Trump was so vague when it comes to his plans for replacing The Affordable Car Act, it's tough to know exactly what's going to happen here. It's likely that a lot of people living in poverty will lose any option they might have for health insurance. Could denials for preexisting conditions come back? Yep. Could lifetime limits in coverage come back? Yep. Even if you get your health care from your employer, you may be in for some shocking changes as insurance companies, free from restraint, attempt to squeeze even more profits out of the people they insure. We've been promised that competition will make for cheaper rates. But collusion between insurance companies makes this seem unlikely, because there is money to be made... lots and lots of money. Why compete when you can work together to screw everybody over and get rich? Past precedence has shown that the insurance lobby is a ruthless force in government. And now there will be nothing to stop them.
Medicare Dismantled. It's hard to know which system Republicans hate more... Social Security or Medicare. If they end up still existing at all, it's likely they will take a very different form once they've been filtered through a Republican gauntlet. My guess is that Social Security will be given some thought because the elderly are a huge voting block that Republicans can't afford to lose. And that's assuming the funding can be found with all the tax cuts Trump has promised. But Medicare? The system gains Republicans almost nothing. It will be privatized as quickly as possible. Which is to say it will die a slow death because there's not enough money in it to make it worthwhile. Whatever you do... don't be poor, unlucky, and unhealthy in America.
World on Fire. Given Trump's disparaging statements towards Muslims (specifically) and persons of foreign nations (in general), there's bound to be an escalation of hatred towards us. This will have disastrous results when it comes to galvanizing terrorists to attack The United States. Foreign relations will likely suffer as well... even when it comes to nations we're friendly with. Contrary to what Trump has been telling us, our standing in the world has taken a dramatic, unfathomable notch downward. Several notches. That's what happens when you shelve diplomacy and cooperation all in the name of "winning." The long-term consequences of this country being seen as a global bully are incalculable. Our allies in Muslim countries may no longer be allies, and that alone is a very scary thought.
A Nation of Bullies. As I said three days ago, electing Donald Trump is the equivalent of hanging a giant banner outside the country advertising the fact that we're a nation of racist, homophobic, misogynistic, foreigner-bashing, non-Christian-hating, ignorant, unstable, narcissistic, intolerant, bigoted pieces of shit. I honestly believe that. And so will the people empowered by the fact that our president embodies all those traits. I genuinely fear for anybody who's not a white, straight, Christian male in this country. Depending on where you are and who you are, your very life could be in danger (or in even more danger). Which means we're all in danger. Electing Trump is like igniting a powder keg that will blow us even further apart as a country. And we have nobody to blame but ourselves. I have no idea what Trump means when he says he's going to "bring law and order to this country," but it may very well mean martial law. For our own protection. From ourselves.
Big Issues That Never Made It to The Debates. And then there's all the stuff that Republicans have been battling over the year for which victory is now possible. I'm a firm believer that Net Neutrality will be killed off in short order. The ramifications of which are absolutely terrifying for a free and open internet. Environmental protections are going right out the window in favor of big business interests. Which means battling climate change isn't even going to be on the radar (it's just a hoax invented by the Chinese anyway, right?). The list goes on and on. I'm betting there are a lot of things that we never imagined being affected that are affected. Whether that's a good thing or a bad thing I just don't know. My guess is that it's a very bad thing in most cases. If wealthy people are in control of this country now, they will own this country come January. What they'll do with their new property is anybody's guess. But, unless you are one of them, odds are it's not going to favor you.
The Great Unknown. Will Trump, in fact, have Hillary Clinton jailed? Is he in league with Russia? What happens to all the lawsuits against him? And what about that wall he's going to build on our Mexican border? There are so many unknowns when it comes to President Trump that it's impossible to say what's going to happen.
And the best-case scenario for President Trump? The United States of America endures.
There are people I know who were so invested in the Clinton campaign... so certain of victory... that I am more than a little worried about their reaction to last night's election results. As you might guess, I am not so much upset by a Hillary Clinton loss as I am horrified by a Donald Trump victory. She was never my candidate. I never wanted Hillary Clinton as my president. But I was compelled to vote for her to prevent what's happening from happening.
Alas...
So where do we go from here?
President Elect Trump by word or by deed has painted himself to be a racist, a homophobe, a xenophobe, a misogynist, a bigot, and an all-around asshole.
That's a huge problem.
Electing Donald Trump sends a number of messages that have me fearful for my country. I honestly believe that some dear friends of mine are less safe now than they were yesterday. My gay friends. My Muslim friends. My poor friends. My Black friends. My Hispanic friends. My women friends. I worry about them. Which in turn makes me worry about all my friends, because we are all interconnected in a very real way.
And I'm worried about myself. I'm not a Christian. Is that going to be a problem for me? I have no illusion that the forthcoming legislation supporting "religious freedom" is a Christians-only club. What is that going to mean? I'm not gay but there are people that think I'm gay. Is that going to be a problem for me? The hatred and violence seen in some Trump supporters makes me wonder. This win for Trump has certainly given strength to the more dangerous elements of our society.
And so I worry.
I'm guessing I'll worry a lot over the coming days.
And I'm a straight, white, male!
That's not even the worst of it. For everything that Trump is and as worried as his presidency might make me... it's the fact that Mike Pence is one heartbeat away from The Oval Office that puts me in a full-blown panic. He is scary on a level that I can't even wrap my head around.
Seriously... Google that shit.
If you pray, pray for the health and safety of President Trump while he's in office.
You might also want to pray that President Trump finds the wisdom, the compassion, the patience, and the sanity to govern us well.
That would be great because I'd really like one less thing to worry about.
This country doesn't treat their veterans as well as it should. It's been true for a very, very long time. President Obama made some nice progress when it comes to taking care of those who take care of us, but there's still a long ways to go. What will happen under President Trump is anybody's guess, but here's hoping he lives up to at least some of the promises he's made to the men and women who have served this country.
Thanks to everybody who has put their blood, sweat, and tears into defending this great nation... today and every day.
(Apologies to the Coast Guard. You'd think I'd draw that up after all these years)
If you'd like to show your thanks and have a few bucks to spare, may I suggest a donation to Stop Soldier Suicide? This is a wonderful organization trying to stem the tide of the horrific number of suicides that plague those who serve or have served in our military.
And if you're a veteran who finds themselves in crisis, please don't face it alone. Call the Veterans Crisis Line at
My cats are not adapting well to the end of Daylight Saving Time.
Jake and Jenny have an internal clock that is eerily accurate. Plus or minus ten minutes, they will let you know when it's feeding time. So when you change a clock that conflicts with their internal timing, they just don't give a shit. Which means now they are wanting food at 6am instead of 7am and 5pm instead of 6pm. This despite my best efforts to gradually shift them an hour later.
My refusal to give in to their demands (as logical as they may be) has resulted in acts of civil disobedience.
And outright theft.
This morning, after having the cats hop on my bed at 6:05 wondering why the hell I haven't fed them yet, I came downstairs to see this...
One of the cats (I KNOW IT WAS YOU, JAKE!!!) went into the kitchen where they know they're not supposed to be, opened the cupboard where they know the cat food is kept, then dragged out a bag of cat treats they know they're not supposed to have, and ultimately had to give up because they apparently don't know you need opposable thumbs to open the zipper lock.
Let's go to the security cameras, shall we?
I KNEW IT WAS YOU, JAKE!
I cut out the five minutes he spent rummaging around in the cupboard. Note how Jenny is being a good girl by staying out of the kitchen and observing from afar. She could have come up tattled on her brother, but I'm rather glad she didn't seeing as how the attempted theft took place at midnight.
Well, what can you do?
Because cats.
I tell you what... if President Obama wants to do something great before leaving office that would help unify the country... he could make the next Daylight Savings Time be permanent. No more dicking with the clocks while we have the Trump Administration dicking with our freedoms.
Just a thought.
If nothing else, he'd have the gratitude of pet owners from sea to shining sea.
Hold on to your freedoms, fellow Americans, because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...
Here's my favorite reaction videos to the US Presidential Election. All of them were chosen carefully and each one is worth your valuable time to watch. But if you just want to go for the jugular, skip down to Jonathan Pie.
• Russell Brand. The title of this video is a bit misleading. This is actually quite insightful and more introspective than reactionary...
Indeed.
• Dave Chappell. God I've missed Chappelle...
I hope this truly is a comeback. We need his voice and his humor in the world... now more than ever.
• Samantha Bee. Still one of my favorite commentators on television...
Anybody who thinks a woman can't be funny... anybody who thinks a woman can't bring it... anybody who thinks a woman shouldn't be given a political soapbox... well, you can shut the fuck up now.
• Jonathan Pie. And then there's this bit of ass-kicking...
So much agreement. If only Democrats had this kind of clarity.
• John Oliver. And the one I've been waiting for...
Which pretty much sums it all up.
• And Because It Can't ALL Be Shitty. This may very well be the closest we ever get to The Fifth
Nice! Though, oh man would I love to revisit The Fifth Element universe one more time.
And, speaking of time, mine has run out. See you after the anarchy begins.
Your eyes are not deceiving you... because an all new Bullet Sunday on Monday starts... now...
• #TrumpsAmerica. Hey everybody! Are you tired of not being able to get through a single day without seeing yet another example of the horrendous level of racist bullshit that is inundating our Black youth? Do videos like this make your blood boil?
Might I suggest a donation to my long-time blogging friend Kelly Wickham's amazing organization: Being Black at School so she can help make a difference? She's doing the work to effect change and could use your help.
• Certified Pre-Owned. I love creativity in advertising. Especially when it's for such a great cause...
I'd adopt ten more if I could.
• Snowline. Welp, winter is coming. Confirmed as I was driving back home today...
Hopefully it can hold off going full-on winter until next week. I've got another trip over the mountains coming up.
• Soul. I was very saddened to learn that the amazing Sharon Jones died. Her performances with the Dap-Kings was a show I have long wanted to attend, and I'm more than a little upset I never got the chance...
Rest in peace, Miss Jones.
• Hamiltoon. The cast of Hamilton respectfully asked that Vice President Elect Mike Pence "...uphold our American values and to work on behalf of all of us..." at the close of their show and President Elect Trump loses his fucking mind, as usual. But that was only the beginning, because crazy-ass Jeanine Pirro of FOX "News" went full-on bat-shit insane... (I'm paraphrasing here)... "HOW DARE YOU CRITICIZE THE STATE AND OUR FUTURE SUPREME LEADER! YOU'VE RUINED MY ENJOYMENT OF HAVING WATCHED YOUR PLAY WITH ALL THE BLACKS AND ALL THE LATINOS AND ALL THE HIP-HOP! BOW BEFORE PRESIDENT TRUMP, YOU INSOLENT SWINE! AND MAY HIS GLORIOUS REIGN LAST A MILLION YEARS!" — I swear... it is only a matter of days before we start hearing "uppity negroes" come out of the mouths of these racist pieces of shit. It is so blatantly obvious EXACTLY what they are thinking... and the team of racist, misogynistic, homophobic, xenophobic, bigoted trash that will soon be running this country has emboldened them to become utterly transparent. They're not even hiding it anymore. I am disgusted to my very core. Oh... and PS... REVERSE RACISM IS NOT A THING YOU FUCKING MORON!
Me bullets be gone. See ye next week.
I guess we're doomed to make the same mistakes over and over again.
Even in The Land of Couldn't Happen Here...
Good luck this time around, citizens of planet earth.
I first visited Gatlinburg around my birthday in March of 2000. There was a Hard Rock there I hadn't visited yet, and I had some time to drive through the region after a work trip took me to Memphis. So far as places go, The Great Smokey Mountains is a beautiful part of the country. Gatlinburg itself is fairly touristy, but a perfectly charming and lovely town.
And now it's engulfed in flames...
Which is heartbreaking in so many ways... especially when you see families losing everything in the devastation. Fires like this are commonplace where I live, and we've had major fires here the past two years (The Carlton Complex Fire of 2014 and The Okanogan Complex Fire of 2015). I've been through a fire myself, and have come close more than once (the most recent close call being in 2004).
It's hard to know who to trust when it comes to all the charitable organizations that have popped up around the Smokey Mountains fires, but Dolly Parton (who was born in the area and has a theme park there) has stepped up to help...
If you can't trust Dolly Parton, who's giving a huge chunk of her own money to help, who can you trust? If you'd like to help Dolly help others, here's a link to donate to her My People Fund.
Stay safe, everybody.
Last night as I was loading my car trunk with some cardboard to recycle, I saw a gallon of milk sitting there. I must have missed it when I was unloading groceries four days ago. Don't ask me how.
I was going to dump it down the drain... but it's been cold out, it's non-fat, and milk is expensive, yo... so I decided to pop it in the refrigerator and give it a shot.
If you never hear from me again, please inform the coroner that it was the milk that did me in.
Now that they've gotten older, I am very fortunate that my cats sleep through the night. They crash downstairs around 7:30-8:00, then follow me up to my room when I retire for the evening. If I turn off the lights to go to sleep, they'll climb on the bed with me. If I leave lights on and work in bed, they'll climb into the kitty beds at the foot of my bed and fall asleep there.
Sounds great, right? Except when I have to get up and pee in the middle of the night. Jake and Jenny think this means I want to play. So when I go back to bed instead of playing with them, they are very, very unhappy I woke them up for nothing.
If you never hear from me again, please notify the police I was eaten by my cats.
Amazon's "Echo" device (called "Alexa") is tied in with my home automation system and controls everything. I can't remember the last time I physically touched a light switch in my home... I just ask Alexa to turn on/off the light I need. At first it was only when I had my hands full. But then... well...
The coolest thing about Alexa is that she can activate "scene" controls and perform numerous functions with a single command. For example... when I say "Alexa, Turn on Night Mode", the following happens:
That kind of thing.
It's absolutely awesome, and I love having Alexa around. She's become so ingrained in my life that when the internet goes down (which Alexa requires to operate) I kind of forget how everything works. When you never use light switches, your head kind of fogs over what to do when you want the lights on. It takes me a minute. In another couple of years, I probably won't even know where my light switches are.
If you never hear from me again, it's either because I'm trapped in the dark in my house... or trapped on the toilet screaming for Alexa to wipe my ass because she does everything else around here and I've forgotten how. Please call 9-1-1.
The mindsets of foreign countries... particularly those in Asia... are radically different from ours. Relations between nations there can be based on cultural differences few Westerners could possibly understand... or on events that happened hundreds of years before the USA even existed. To not understand these circumstances when building foreign policy is to invite disaster. Even the slightest misstep can set events into motion which could have catastrophic consequences. Because of this, it is beyond critical that our leaders be well-advised by people deep into foreign mindsets before making even the smallest decision.
Unless you are President-Elect Trump. Then you just do whatever the fuck you want, no matter how idiotic or dangerous the consequences.
India and Pakistan are nuclear powers. They are also blood enemies. Keeping them from unleashing mass destruction upon each other is a balancing act that has the entire world on edge. So when Trump has a terrifyingly ill-advised phone call with Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif as if he's running Pakistan when, in fact, it's the military that is actually in control of the country... you can see how this could cause a frightening shift in the structure of Pakistan, which could ultimately lead to problems with India. You do not want that.
Then you have Trump accepting a call from the president of Taiwan... which is tantamount to the United States officially recognizing Taiwan's independence from China... which is something that will send China through the fucking roof. This one phone call could set into motion events that have China taking military action against Taiwan in order to make it clear they consider Taiwan to be a part of China. Not to mention making The United States an enemy of China. Which, needless to say, is also a nuclear power. All because Trump wants to build a hotel in Taiwan (or whatever), and he has no fucking clue what in the hell he is doing.
Trump's actions are rushing nuclear powers to conflict in a way he'll never comprehend, and he's not even in office yet.
Can you imagine what happens when he's actually president?
Trump doesn't seem to want to listen to anybody. He acts like a petulant child. He doesn't seem to give a shit what the consequences are for his actions. He is willfully ignorant when it comes to foreign relations and is seriously clueless as to how critical it is not to be making the mistakes he's been making. He is very obviously putting his personal interests ahead of this country. He is inflaming foreign nations with nuclear weapons.
And I'm not saying that to be funny or dramatic.
If you never hear from earth again, it's because President Trump destroyed the planet. Please tell any alien life with time travel capabilities to go back into the past and abort this abomination before he's even born.
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!...
for behold! An all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...
• Groot! There can be no greater news on the internet right now than the new teaser trailer for Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2...
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 doesn't open until May and I already want to see Guardians of the Galaxy
• Less. Having a mortgage wouldn't be so bad if nothing would ever break down and require expensive repairs. But it does. About every two months. And just when you think everything that has broken down has broken down and been fixed? Along comes something new. Which is why a letter for my lender was cause for excitement...
LETTER: "Congratulations! Your mortgage payment has gone down!"
ME: "No way!"
LETTER: "Way!"
ME: "NO! WAY!"
LETTER: "YES WAY!"
ME: "Dude, sweet!"
LETTER: "We're deducting $4.15 from your payment starting next month."
ME: "Fuck you, Letter."
...or not.
• Fixed? I love the HGTV series Fixer Upper. Chip and Joanna's design aesthetic and rapport makes for a great show... especially if you're into home renovation like I am. And while I am able to mentally divide my entertainment personality's personal life from their work... it's really tough to watch the show knowing that they attend a church which would happily push conversion therapy on their four kids should any of them be gay. How can you support that?
Even if the Gaines's don't advocate conversion therapy or aren't opposed to marriage equality... they (assumably) financially support a church that does. They are a part of the segment of society persecuting LGBT persons and, more specifically LGBT youth, just for being who they are. And it's this part of our society which is responsible for the toxicity behind the epidemic of suicides among our gay youth. They listen to the idiotic rhetoric of a church like this and think nobody... including God... will accept them as they are and see no way out. No amount of Texas charm or design sense can compensate for that.
• Our Dolphin. Here it is... the first book out of Thrice Fiction Magazine's Thrice Publishing. It is a wonderful, wonderful novella by Joel Allegretti that I'm incredibly proud to have had a small part in unleashing on the world...
Order a copy for your holiday reading list... or order a dozen for gifts that are sure to be appreciated! Click here to get Our Dolphin at Amazon.
• Crazy. I don't know what's more shocking. That Fake Jake pounded into the catio at a full-on sprint across the back yard... or that Real Jake just sat there at the point of impact and watched it happen without even blinking...
Jenny is still scared of Fake Jake's crazy antics... but Jake is all "meh" about it now.
• DST. Global humiliation, domestic devastation, and the threat of nuclear war would all be worth it if President Trump abolishes clock changes and makes Daylight Savings Time permanent this coming Spring. Just sayin'.
Well, I guess that's it for bullets. Probably. I dunno. Maybe in an hour I'll come back and add ten more.
President-Elect Trump's total ignorance when it comes to other nations (in general) and China (in particular) is catastrophic. But unlike J. Robert Oppenheimer (one of the creators of the atomic bomb), he doesn't possess the self-awareness to realize he has become Death, The Destroyer of Worlds.
Or does he?
As I said earlier, the Chinese mindset is completely different than ours. You cannot apply Western thinking and treat China as if they are another United States. Or, in Trump's self-felating head, a "lesser" United States. They are not. Not by a longshot, and this frighteningly inept "Twitter attitude" of his towards The Sleeping Dragon leads to nothing but ruin. Showing strength is one thing... strength is good. But if it doesn't come from a place of mutual respect and understanding, it's a strength that's going to be turned against you. And shouldn't The President of the United States be smarter than that? For heaven's sake, man... nuclear weapons are involved. Find an advisor who knows what the hell they are doing AND LISTEN TO THEM. Beg someone like Jon Huntsman to join your team so your first act as president isn't fending off conflict with a nuclear power.
Or is this exactly what the President-Elect wants?
I am flabbergasted that people don't seem to comprehend how serious this situation is. It's all "Oh... it's just Trump being Trump!" When, in reality, it's the next President of the United States actively looking for a fight he cannot possibly win... and dragging the rest of the world with him. Everybody knows he's a great deceiver. But maybe he is THE Great Deceiver? The Christian Antichrist come to destroy us all? The Christian's Bible says that the Antichrist will come from ancient Syria (which is parts of modern-day Syria, Lebanon and Turkey). But maybe that's not literal? Maybe it's that his policy will come from ancient Syria? Walid Phares is on his foreign policy advisor team, wouldn't this qualify? And there's a Trump Tower in Istanbul... just sayin'. Any Biblical scholars checking on this? Or maybe he's not the Antichrist at all. Maybe Trump is the lynch-pin which brings about the Antichrist? Who can say. I'm just assuming that the Antichrist is going to be involved in his presidency somewhere. It's just too perfect a fit.
Assuming that Trump isn't party to trying to bring about our total destruction, something needs to change. Immediately. He once said that "acting presidential is easy"... well he'd better damn-well start, because right now Trump's ignorance and stupidity is going to doom us. And don't think just in terms of nuclear war. China doesn't want that any more than we do. There are many scenarios, including economic collapse, that can doom us just as effectively as any bomb. The US is a part of a global community. We are inexorably tied to the rest of the world in complex and incalculable ways. You can't just be all
We all are.
Because the end of the world as we know it may be nigh and people are too stupid to see it.
Not that this is surprising. It's the same kind of stupid that got Trump elected in the first place.
Best of luck, everybody.
The situation in Syria has been terrifying for years, but the world has been turning a deaf ear. And, despite the horror of it all, I kinda understand why. It's an all-out civil war in the country, and trying to sort through the different factions vying for power is no easy chore. There's the Syrian government in alliance with Russia and Iran and supported by China and Iraq. There's anti-government forces supported by Saudi Arabia and Turkey. Then there's the Federation of Northern Syria (Rojava) which is supported by the USA, the UK, France, Australia, and many of their allies.
Not to mention, surprise, there's also ISIL.
And that's not all. There are other groups and alliances stirring the pot as well. Which may sound odd considering the country is quickly becoming a massive wasteland of ruin and despair, but this brings us to the question of why Syria is such a complicated mess.
My guess is that oil has a lot to do with it.
Which should come as a surprise to absolutely nobody because oil is responsible for fucking up a lot of things in this part of the world. Admittedly this is a grossly simplistic summation of all that's going on... there are religious conflicts, territorial conflicts, historical conflicts, and ruling families not wanting to lose power that need to be factored into the mix... but ultimately the continuation of the war itself likely comes down to outside intervention and the quest for oil, making this a proxy fight by nations like Russia, the USA, and China over the spoils.
This is not to say that I am minimizing the religious interests of countries like Turkey, Iran, Iraq, Saudi Arabia, Quatar, and Lebanon which are also in the fray... or that I am dismissing the atrocities committed by President Bashar al-Assad's government forces who slaughter the civilians who protest against them... it's more complicated than just shouting "OIL IS TO BLAME!" and I know this.
But...
I find it impossible to believe that all countries everywhere can't agree on how best to help innocent civilians caught in the crossfire. It shouldn't matter how or why a nation supports one faction over the other. Surely we can all agree that children dying by the thousands is a horrific travesty that needs solving... independent of everything else that's going on... right?
Nope.
And how could that possibly be?
I guess nobody wants to risk offending their allies in the war. Because if their allies are the faction that comes out on top... well... oil.
And so we now face the fall of Aleppo where people there are sending out their final goodbyes... not knowing if they're going to be alive in the morning...
I don't pretend to be an expert on the Middle East or the violence that is ongoing there. All I know is that what should be a no-brainer for the entire world... active relief for the civilian population of Syria... isn't happening.
In the end, isn't that all you really need to know?
Photo from Amnesty International
Sadly, there's not a lot that can be done now. But Amnesty International has set up a page for signatures to demand action, and you never know.
It's gotten to the point where I should just be numb to the crazy-ass appointments that President-Elect Trump is making to his administration, advisory board, and transition team. But then one of them has to go and open their mouths, and I'm in full-reverse out of numb and back to despair at the horror of it all.
Like today when I saw this video of Trump adviser Anthony Scaramucci making the rounds...
This follows Trump's McCarthy-esque demand to know all the Department of Energy scientists who work on climate change. Something that is already unthinkable and terrifying.
If this interview was meant to make people feel better about the Trump Administration's notably anti-science bias, Scaramucci did a shitty job of it. Not only is he in serious climate change denial despite the scientific evidence of it all... he's also a Young Earther who believes that the planet is only 5,500 years old.
These are the people who will be making decisions for this country.
I've said numerous times that we're all fucking doomed because of this bullshit. I mean it every time. Because when somebody is drunk and playing with matches while standing in a pool of gasoline, you have to say something.
Problem is that the people who can do something about it are apparently looking the other way.
This morning I woke up in a coughing fit so severe that something... snapped?... inside of me and now I'm in horrible pain. Probably just pulled a muscle, but it feels as though I've been stabbed. Getting old sure does suck.
Something else that sucks?
A bunch of stupid fucking bigots are looking to pass anti-transgender "bathroom bill" legislation here in Washington State.
Putting aside the horrendous discrimination that's driving this bill, did none of the assholes who dreamt up this shit learn anything from what happened to North Carolina when they passed a similar bill? Apparently not.
Look, I don't know what kind of freaky shit that dumbass Representatives Taylor, Shea, McCaslin, Young, Klippert, Walsh, Haler, Short, Manweller, Hargrove, Pike, Holy, Rodne, and Buys do when they use the bathroom... but the vast majority of us just want to pee or take a shit, then (hopefully) wash our hands and get the fuck out. And the fact that transgender persons will be doing their business BEHIND A CLOSED STALL DOOR means that it doesn't really matter what the hell genitals they have. Unless you're some kind of pervert who will be looking under the stalls while people are using them... THEIR GENITALS DON'T AFFECT YOU! So pull your minds out of the gutter and stop dragging the rest of us into your fucked up shit.
In truth, I know precious few transgender persons. But when it comes the one I know best (and have talked about previously), I can't help but wonder what the hell she's going to do if this horrendous legislation passes. She may have been born with a penis, but you would not know that to look at her. All you see is A WOMAN, because that's who she is. If she were forced to use a men's bathroom, it would be a woman using a men's bathroom. And can you imagine how dangerous that is for her? Coming across some bigoted piece of trash in the wrong bathroom could end up with her beaten to death. All because she needs to pee.
You may not understand transgender people. You may not agree with who they are. But if you feel they need to die because they have to pee, you're a special kind of asshole. Obviously they are going to be using a stall, so you (or whomever you're concerned about) aren't going to be exposed to anything that might disturb your delicate sensibilities. Which means supporting this absurd legislation is nothing more than hating something for no good reason.
Which is not surprising. That's the way this country seems to work now-a-days.
What's doubly disappointing is that Representative Maureen Walsh, whom I've supported over the years because she's a progressive Republican who spoke so eloquently about marriage equality in my state, is one of the dumbasses supporting a bill THAT'S COMPLETE NONSENSE. Apparently she only gives a shit about equality when it affects her lesbian daughter. A pity she doesn't have a transgender child so she can "speak her heart and mind" and empathize what they go through...
Always amazed when state REPRESENTATIVES don't feel they have to REPRESENT all the people in their care.
You can learn more about how your tax dollars are being used to discriminate against your fellow citizens at Washington Won't Discriminate.
UPDATE: Delta Airlines has released a statement about the two guys who claim to have been kicked off the flight because they were speaking Arabic... "Upon landing the crew was debriefed and multiple passenger statements collected. Based on the information collected to date, it appears the customers who were removed sought to disrupt the cabin with provocative behaviour, including shouting. This type of conduct is not welcome on any Delta flight. While one, according to media reports, is a known prankster who was video recorded and encouraged by his traveling companion, what is paramount to Delta is the safety and comfort of our passengers and employees. It is clear these individuals sought to violate that priority."
Since this guy has a history of pranking airlines (and also lying about it), it's very likely that they were kicked off the flight for cause. Which is really too bad, because lying about being a victim of racism and bigotry only makes it harder for those who are actual victims of racism and bigotry to be believed. And heaven only knows we've seen enough of that in recent years.
Regardless as to whether they deserved to be kicked off... and, to be clear, if they were disrupting the flight they absolutely should have been... I can't help but wonder if they would have been treated differently (pranks and all) if they were white.
I was once on a post 9-11 flight out of LAX where some kind of evangelist dressed in a suit and tie was screaming about Jesus as he boarded the plane. While the flight took off, he was praying... loudly. He was asked more than once to lower his voice so he wasn't disturbing other passengers. Which lasted all of ten minutes before he started loudly preaching about Jesus again. Nothing happened to him. He was mostly left alone. He walked off the plane without incident. He was white. But if this had been a Middle-Eastern guy screaming about Allah and talking about Mohammed? He would have probably been restrained... at minimum. Then likely arrested upon landing. Assuming they didn't make an emergency landing and have him arrested before he even reached his destination.
So... food for thought.
Horrible racist, bigoted crap was happening before Donald Trump was elected President of the United States of America.
I'm betting it will be happening a lot more often now.
Two guys were kicked off a flight because one of them was speaking Arabic to his mom. Apparently it made a woman and her husband in the row ahead of him "nervous" and he was told he should be speaking English. In Trump's America, this kind of stupid, xenophobic bullshit is justification for swift action.
Action Delta Airlines was apparently happy to engage in...
We got kicked out of a @Delta airplane because I spoke Arabic to my mom on the phone and with my friend slim... WTFFFFFFFF please spread pic.twitter.com/P5dQCE0qos
— Adam Saleh (@omgAdamSaleh) December 21, 2016
If people speaking a different language upsets you... THEN DON'T GO OUT IN PUBLIC, ASSHOLE! If being around other people on a plane upsets you... THEN DON'T FLY, ASSHOLE! This is just the tip of the iceberg. If I were there and saw what happened, they'd end up kicking me off the fucking plane too.
Hope you're prepared for the day only people with blonde hair are allowed to fly.
In other Delta Airlines news, this landed in my in-box...
Delta partnership change
As of April 30, 2017, Alaska Airlines Mileage Plan members will no longer be able to earn or redeem miles on Delta flights. Don't worry, though–thanks to our acquisition of Virgin America and ever-growing list of global partners, it's easy to get where you want to go.
I may die of un-shock.
Delta was never a true "partner" to Alaska Airlines. They shit all over Alaska every chance they got, then decided to set up camp in a Seattle hub in an attempt to force Alaska out of our airport. Interesting to note how they employed this same strategy in Memphis circa 2013... setting up a hub to drive other airlines out, then pulling the hub once the deed was done. After all went down getting in and out of Memphis became difficult and expensive, and the city still hasn't fully recovered from the damage Delta did.
And speaking of damage...
No word yet as to whether Delta is going to allow only English to be spoken on their flights.
"Sorry there's no gas station for 200 miles and you're running on fumes, but I don't sell to faggots because of my firmly-held religious beliefs... now get the hell off my property."
If the First Amendment Defense Act is turned into law, such a horrific statement will be a perfectly valid form of discrimination in Trump's America. Except something tells me that bigoted pieces of shit are not "sorry" about anything.
What bothers me most about this bullshit is not that a bunch of politician assholes are looking for ways to write discrimination against people they don't like into the law of the land. That's just par for the course. What bothers me is that they are presenting it as a way to make things "fair" for those businesses who want to discriminate.
Still haven't figured out how it's "fair" that a tax-paying citizen can have their hard-earned money go toward supporting such businesses with roads, utilities, fire and police protections, and such... only to have them be able to turn around and deny service to the people who made it possible... but, hey... it's not like bigotry ever makes any fucking sense.
To anybody who's not a bigot, anyway.
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