Wow.
This kind of artistry makes my heart ache...
Everything about these cookies is mesmerizing. I can only guess that they taste amazing as well...
If you're looking to be completely blown away... here's her Facebook page.
Can't get no satisfaction? You've been looking in the wrong place, because an all-new Bullet Sunday starts... now...
• STRANGE! I love love love love Dr. Strange in the comics. Other than whitewashing The Ancient One from Tibetan to a white English woman (to appease the massive Chinese movie market, I'm guessing), this looks very promising indeed...
November can't get here quickly enough. But first? Captain America: Civil War, baby! This film is getting amazing pre-release reviews and I cannot wait to see it.
• Representative? Congratulations North Carolina! The homophobic asshole politicians you elected are fucking up your state real good. But you probably don't need all those billions in jobs and visitor cash... I'm sure North Carolina is sitting on piles of money to make up for what you're losing. Oh? You're not? MIGHT WANT TO REMEMBER THAT WHEN YOU'RE IN THE VOTING BOOTH NEXT TIME!
Only hope now is a full-on repeal of this horrendous law, I guess...
THAT'S NOT A REPEAL, YOU ASSHOLE! Congratulations, North Carolina, you're getting exactly what you deserve for electing this homophobic, transphobic piece of shit. Might want to think about a recall.
• Whores! While looking around at the local antique mall, I spotted these Bible-toting dolls that made me laugh...
Tres adorbs.
• Nacho Cheese My new favorite snack: over-cooked nachos. Why oh why didn't I discover that over-baking the cheese made nachos ten times more delicious?
All those chips and cheese wasted.
• Funny Not Funny. I laughed over this for about ten minutes...
No, I'm not proud of myself.
And... that's all the bullets we have or today. Move along. Nothing more to see here. Move along...
Okay then... finished my home cooking for the month.
Because nothing tastes as amazing as a freshly-baked biscuits... and it's one of the few things I can make that always turns out great no matter how badly I try and screw it up...
The recipe was given to me in a travel forum, so I have no idea who came up with this bit of genius...
Mix Bisquick, sour cream, and 7-Up. Dough will be very, very soft, but don't worry. Knead and fold dough until well-mixed (I spoon on some extra Bisquick after mixing until it's not quite so sticky). Pat dough out on Bisquick-covered board and cut biscuits using a round biscuit cutter (or cookie cutter). Melt butter in bottom of cookie sheet pan or 9x13 casserole dish. Place biscuits on top of melted butter and bake at 425° for 12-15 minutes or until brown.
Now, if you'll excuse me, biscuits, butter, and jam await me.
When you eat as much unhealthy crap as I do, you'd learn to love them too. They make a nice alternative from unhealthy crap when you feel the need to lay off the unhealthy crap.
And if that's you, I've decided to rank all the Quaker Rice Cakes flavors for you...
And there you have it. All my favorite rice cakes.
Keep healthy-snacking, people!
Don't let the depressing lack of Saturday get you down, because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...
• Tarzan. As a massively huge fan of the original Edgar Rice Burroughs novels, I'm pretty much done with the Tarzan movie adaptations (if that's what you can call them). The number of times I've seen The Lord of the Jungle reduced to a grunting ignoramus is legion, and has nothing to do with the actual character. Tarzan is a literal genius who speaks dozens of languages and, when he's out of the jungle, highly cultured as well. So you can imagine my eye-rolling reaction to the news that there's a new Tarzan movie coming out...
Except... apparently the movie starts out with Lord Greystoke (aka "Tarzan") in London's high society, his jungle adventuring days long behind him. Sooooooo... maybe? Heaven only knows that I'd love to finally see a half-way decent Tarzan on the silver screen. The special effects are sure up to the challenge. Alas... the heinous memories of the John Carter movie (Edgar Rice Burroughs' other famous creation) still linger...
• The Force. If you're a fan of Star Wars, then here's the site for you...
Amazing. Keeeeeeep scrolling...
• Uhhhhhhhhhh. ZOMFG! YOU CAN'T HAVE GUNS IN JAIL? WTF?! So much for "American freedom!"
I cannot believe these stupid assholes. We have sterilized the entire Bundy clan after this idiocy so they can no longer breed, right?
• Taco! IT'S PEOPLE! THE TACOS AT TACO TIME ARE MADE WITH PEOPLE!
Delicious people! Totally rethinking my stance on vegetarianism...
• Picard! Captain, let's beam down to Rigel for some whores and blow!
Always good to be a starship captain!
And... on that note of ultimate Trekiness... I'm out of Bullets for this week.
Worried about missing out on a whole month of Dave's life? Well don't be, because an all new SPECIAL CATCH-UP EDITION of Bullet Sunday starts... now...
• MY HEALTH. The bill for my first eye surgery arrived. Thank heavens my deductible is so huge... I was worried I wouldn't find anything to do with these piles of cash I've got laying around. The good news is that my eye seems to be doing okay now. The only remaining damage is a bump from where the anesthesia was injected into my eyelid. Hopefully it will disappear in time.
• MY DIET. I've inexplicably become a milk drinker again. I haven't had a glass in years, but recently had one with a slice of chocolate cake and fell in love with the stuff. I no longer have to worry about my milk expiring... which is cool because even though non-fat lasts forever, I was regularly having to throw it out.
• MY DISCOVERY. Laughing Cow cheese has never been a favorite even though I love spreadable cheeses. But recently they came out with an Asiago-flavored version that's just fantastic. I eat the stuff piled on Ritz Crackers constantly...
Laughing Cow Spicy Pepper Jack is worth a taste as well.
• MY SHOPPING. For much of my life, I've not been an antique fan. Why by old stuff when you can get brand new stuff that's cooler? My view has softened since renovating my guest room, so now I actually stop by antique shops from time to time. Which lead to my paying $28 for this cookie jar...
...and let me tell you why. 1) The bear looks like Ted! 2) Whomever made this didn't fire it properly, so it's sagging on one side and it looks like he's falling over drunk . 3) The lid is also misshapened, so it doesn't really fit the jar. 4) They misspelled "cookie" as "cookey" which is frickin' adorable. 5) It looks awesome next to my gelato machine! How many more reasons did I need? I was forced to buy it! Antiques FTW!
• MY SCHEDULE. My cats have turned me into a morning person. I now do my grocery shopping at 7am?...
Oh well. The nice thing is that the store is a ghost town that time of day.
• MY CATS. They're still adorable. Still wonderful. And I still love having them around. Such amazing animals...
Don't know how I managed without them.
• MY DISAPPOINTMENT. I skipped seeing Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice in the theater but finally caught the "Ultimate Edition" on digital. My thoughts are below, but beware of SPOILERS for Captain America: Civil War (yes, you read that right)...
At the end of Captain America: Civil War where Bucky and Cap have beat down Iron Man and are walking away, Tony Stark says "That shield doesn't belong to you! My father made it!" and it's just crushing because of Robert Downey Jr.'s performance. You can feel that Tony is trying to stay proud in the face of defeat, but his heart is breaking on two levels, so there's a tremor in his voice. At that moment... when you are made to feel in the middle of a funny book film... you know that Marvel has completely figured it out. They put the humanity into their cinematic characters in a way that transcends the genre.
Which is why watching Batman v Superman was such a horrendous fucking ordeal. Zack Snyder thinks that taking everything dark and brooding is what adds character to the characters, but he's missing the target so badly as to be... comical. Heaping artificial drama on characters again and again and again just distracts from whatever humanity they might have. It buries it. He has zero sense of what makes a comic book movie reach past the funny books, and that's a huge problem for DC. Their movies are just dark, boring, artificial piles of shit that don't make you *feel* anything. It's the disaster-porn school of filmmaking and people are tired of it. They've seen it all before. Many, many times.
Between DC and Marvel, the one who has the most potential and the easiest road to completely slaying the genre is DC Comics. Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman are the most beloved and recognizable super-heroes in existence. Everything else pales by comparison. And yet by hiring a hack like Zack Snyder to helm their films... somebody who could give a fuck about the source material and changes things just because he can... somebody who doesn't want to bring Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman to the screen, but his "vision" of them... it doesn't matter. You go to a film called Superman v Batman expecting to see Superman and Batman... but they're not there. It's just Zack Snyder shit piled on something that vaguely resembles them.
I hated this movie even worse than Man of Steel, if that's even possible. Add another F- to my "Y2K Super-Hero Comic Book Renaissance" scorecard
• MY ENTERTAINMENT. Was thrilled beyond all reason that Mark Millar and Frank Quitely's Jupiter's Legacy: Volume 2 has finally, at long last, been started up...
This is my favorite comic book series in a long, long time. Apparently they are already working up a movie... here's hoping they get somebody better than Zack Snyder to helm it.
And... that's all the catch-up bullets we have today.
Lose not your faith in Blogography, fair human! Because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...
• Broked. As if it weren't painfully apparent, my blog wasn't as fixed as I had thought it was. I honestly don't know what to do about it short of a complete re-install, and I ain't got time for that. But anyway...
• Book. As a massive fan of the original cartoon, I anticipated hating The Jungle Book live-action remake. Well, I watched in on the plane ride home and loved it. Just incredible stuff. Where did they find the kid who played Mowgli? Amazing young actor. The fact that they got Bill Murray as the voice of Baloo is just icing on the cake...
It's my understanding this was filmed in "real" 3D and is not a converted 2D movie. Looks like I have another 3D Blu-Ray to add to my shopping list.
• Umbrella. Before I got on the plane, I wandered through the French Quarter yesterday and had to hide under some trees in Jackson Square when a downpour started. That's when I saw a group of ladies caught in the rain who were squealing. A guy passing by handed them his umbrella. After several rounds of thank you's, this happened...
"Oh we gonna have to keep you now!"
"Sorry ma'am... Im already taken."
"Well I can see why. God bless you young man!"
And off he went into the rain without his umbrella. Then this...
"He was just like Batman!"
If I wasn't in New Orleans, one of my favorite places on earth, that would have made my day.
• Wrong. Kim Davis Asks Court to Dismiss Marriage License Appeal. Looks like somebody doesn't want to go down on the wrong side of history as a hateful bigot that refused to do her job. Well, I have news for you... that's ALL you're going to be remembered for as long as people remember who you are you pathetic farce. You'd think that this would serve as warning for other bigots out there, but I think we all know that's not true.
• Sodium. A friend of a friend closed his restaurant last December. Recently when he was asked if he would share some of his favorite recipes and he did. Then somebody asked him how in the heck he made his burgers taste so good. His answer? Butter and salt. Saturate the buns in butter before grilling them. Just before flipping, salt and pepper the patty (his restaurant had a touch of garlic powder in the mix) then flip and add more salt. Sodium nightmare? Yes. But restaurants don't have to post Nutrition Facts, so that's how he made his burgers taste great. And so I gave it a try with my Boca Burger patties. *AMAZING* The abundance of butter and salt totally takes them to the next level. High blood pressure, here I come!
• Doloris. When you're watching every episode of The West Wing for the hundredth time and you've JUST gotten over the fact that Mrs. Landingham died... only to have her pop up in a flashback in the episode Bartlett for America. Gets me every time. Boy do I miss this show.
And I'm outta bullets.
COOKIES!
Who doesn't love cookies? My favorite cookies are freshly-baked oatmeal-raisin cookies. Which is a pity, because I so rarely have the time to bake and they don't make any oatmeal-raisin cookies you can buy in the store that I will eat. So what cookies that you can buy in the store do I like? Glad you asked...
And that's cookies for you.
OH YEAH!
Is there anything more magical than Kool-Aid? You dump a little bit of powder and a cup of sugar into a container... fill it with 2 quarts of water... and BOOM! Out pops a colorful explosion of delicious flavor in drinkable form! Here's my favorites...Deliciousness ensues!
SUNDAY BEGAT SUNDAY AND SUNDAY IS SUNDAY, because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...
• Butter. A friend of a friend closed his restaurant last December. A while back he was asked if he would share some of his favorite recipes and he did. Then somebody asked him how in the heck he made his burgers taste so good. His answer? "Butter and salt." Saturate the buns in butter before grilling them. Just before flipping, salt and pepper the patty (his restaurant had a touch of garlic powder in the mix) then flip and add more salt. Sodium nightmare? Yes. But restaurants don't have to post Nutrition Facts, so that's how he made his burgers taste great. Tonight I gave it a try with my Boca Burger patties. *AMAZING* The abundance of butter and salt totally takes them to the next level. High blood pressure, here I come!
• Voter. Just sayin'...
Why American's aren't rioting in the streets for an end to our fucked-up two-party system I will never know.
• Wierd World. Oh Lord, Really? Pat Robertson's crazy shit is hilarious, yes, but there are people who actually believe the words he's saying! I mean, the gays are going to force me to like bestiality? BUT I DON'T WANT TO FUCK A GOAT!!! THANKS, THE GAYS!!!
This guy is bat-shit crazy. Genuinely certifiable. Scary insane.
• OH IT IS ON! Heinz starts making yellow mustard... SO NOW FRENCH'S IS MAKING KETCHUP! =BOOM!=
Which one is making mayonnaise next? And will Hellman's start making ketchup and yellow mustard of their own in retalliation?
• Dipshit Pie! Trae Crowder has become one of my favorite vloggers. His unique take on politics is comedy gold, and this was one of my favorites these past months...
Oh noooo.... where are we going to get our meth and pontoon boats?
• DNCE. While I was on sabbatical, I got hooked on DNCE's album Swaay for my "Album of the Summer." Their first video, Cake By The Ocean was catchy as hell and I was instantly addicted...
When they released their next video for Toothbrush, I was baffled by people calling lead singer Joe Jonas "brave" and "progressive" for featuring a plus-size model. IT'S ASHLEY FUCKING GRAHAM!!! She's one of the hottest women on the planet! I mean, seriously, there are guys who would take a look at ASHLEY FUCKING GRAHAM and say "No thank you?" It's not like he put a regular human woman in his video... IT'S ASHLEY FUCKING GRAHAM! Oh how brave of him! He was progressive enough to make out with ASHLEY FUCKING GRAHAM in his video! Give me a break.
The last video was for Body Moves, which was another catchy, high-energy track...
I have no idea if this was just a side-project for Joe Jonas or what. It will be interesting to see if the band stays together for another album. I sure hope so.
And... as good as it feels to be shootin' bullets again, this here Bullet Sunday is at an end.
I bought a 2-liter bottle of grape soda at the store today because it sounded good when I saw it on the shelf. And it's purple. And it was on sale for 88¢. I fully expected that I'd drink one glass of the stuff then toss the rest out. Things like this usually don't live up to expectations and often taste a lot worse than your brain is telling you they do. Except... turns out I'm really digging it. I never knew that grape soda was something I've been missing in my life.
And suddenly I'm reminded that the US vernacular I'm using won't make sense to some people. Even people here in Washington State, since the word "soda" is a California/Northeast thing.
So here's for you, West and Mid-Westerners...
I bought a 2-liter bottle of grape pop at the store today because it sounded good when I saw it on the shelf. And it's purple. And it was on sale for 88¢. I fully expected that I'd drink one glass of the stuff then toss the rest out. Things like this usually don't live up to expectations and often taste a lot worse than your brain is telling you they do. Except... turns out I'm really digging it. I never knew that grape pop was something I've been missing in my life.
And here's for you, Southerners...
I bought a 2-liter bottle of grape Coke at the store today because it sounded good when I saw it on the shelf. And it's purple. And it was on sale for 88¢. I fully expected that I'd drink one glass of the stuff then toss the rest out. Things like this usually don't live up to expectations and often taste a lot worse than your brain is telling you they do. Except... turns out I'm really digging it. I never knew that grape Coke was something I've been missing in my life.
And here's for you, Judgmental Pricks That Like To Point Out To Everybody That Everything They Like Is Bad For Them...
I bought a 2-liter bottle of grape CARBONATED DEATH at the store today because it sounded good when I saw it on the shelf. And it's purple. And it was on sale for 88¢. I fully expected that I'd drink one glass of the stuff then toss the rest out. Things like this usually don't live up to expectations and often taste a lot worse than your brain is telling you they do. Except... turns out I'm really digging it. I never knew that grape CARBONATED DEATH was something I've been missing in my life.
And... you're welcome.
This post ended up being a lot more work to write than I thought it would.
Guess Bullet Sunday is just going to have to wait, because I've got one last day in San Francisco...
Which started rather late, because I was wiped out from a late night of enjoying the smooth, soulful, vocal stylings of Jester and Mustache Harbor for their second sold-out show at Bimbo's 365 Club last night.
It was every bit as awesome as Friday's show, where we were once again transported to OUTERRRRRRR SPAAAAAACE...
WE LOVE YOU, ACE FONTANA!!!
Jester as Ace Fontana as Ace Frehley — ©2016 by Tananarive Aubert Photography
I had two things left on my San Francisco agenda, which Jester was willing to accommodate... 1) A FALAFEL WRAP SANDWICH... and... 2) FORTUNE COOKIES FROM GOLDEN GATE FORTUNE COOKIE COMPANY...
After that it was off to the airport so I can rest up before tomorrow's early morning flight.
Thanks a million times to Jester for making everything in my San Francisco holiday possible!
How's Maine? Maine is cold.
I didn't have a car until noon, so I skipped breakfast at the hotel and decided to have pizza at Otto in downtown Portland. They make a Butternut Squash and Cranberry pie that is one of my favorite things. And it totally delivered...
While eating I got to watch a woman let her baby stab the wood table repeatedly with a fork. When she noticed me watching, she took the fork away.
Then gave the baby a knife to stab the table with.
I don't know that it was an improvement, but okay.
On my way back to my car I saw two pumpkins on the sidewalk, assumably waiting to be tossed in the trash...
I guess the magic of pumpkin spice has passed. They look to be in great shape, so somebody should totally save them and make pie.
The hour trip north was boring, which is the best you can hope for when driving in Maine during winter. After checking into my hotel, I look out to see that the Androscoggin River has once again closed down for the season.
Here was my view from last year, around this time...
And here we are now...
Exciting, I know.
Since there's not much to do while I wait for my job to start, I've been getting some work done and catching up on Facebook. It was while looking through the latter that I ran across a video of Christmas tree shearing. It's fascinating to watch. Relaxing even. Very zen...
Depending on size, these guys can shape 2,000-2,500 trees per day! They don't say how many ninjas they could slash their way through. Oh well.
As exhausted as I am, I suppose I should take a nap before starting work at midnight.
Or search YouTube for more Christmas tree shearing videos.
One of those two things.
I've been thinking a lot about cooking lately.
Partly because it seems like a good creative outlet now that my woodworking has been suspended for the season... but mostly because I want to eat stuff that I can't buy the way I want it made.
For example... I bought a frozen apple crisp last week. It was terrible. Way too much spice and the apples were cut too large. I also didn't like the topping, which seemed more spongey than crispy. And so I've been researching recipes online, which is a bottomless pit of confusion. Apparently there are literally hundreds of ways to make the stuff, and everybody has an opinion as to what makes a perfect apple crisp. The only thing that makes it a little easier is that I can automatically discard the recipes which include raisins (WTF?!?).
My concern with trying to make stuff myself is that I always end up with more than what I can eat because recipes seem to feed a dozen people, on average... also the ingredients are usually expensive... and the actual cooking never seems to go as well as I hoped.
Like the time I tried to make potato salad...
And yet...
I suppose I'll give it a shot after the holidays.
I'm thinking I'll cut the ingredients in half and hope that it won't affect the cooking time. I don't think I've ever burnt anything before, but there's always a first time.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I've narrowed my recipe choice down to eleven options and I've got to decide on nuts or no nuts in order to get to the next elimination round.