"South Dakota Is The First State To Pass A Transphobic Student Bathroom Bill."

I'm just mortified by this. ALL PEOPLE WANT TO DO IS USE THE DAMN BATHROOM! THE ONLY PEOPLE SEXUALIZING THIS ARE THE PEOPLE PASSING LAWS LIKE THIS!

So yeah... send the trans woman to the men's bathroom where South Dakota rednecks will beat the shit out of her just for wanting to pee. Lovely.

Every time Sarah Palin shows her stupid ass in public, I pray that it will be such an epic disaster that it will entice Tina Fey to make a return appearance on Saturday Night Live.

So when Palin's endorsement of Donald Trump came along, which is pretty much the definition of "epic disaster," I was counting the minutes until Saturday.

I was not disappointed...

What's amazing is that Tina Fey didn't really have to embellish the sheer lunacy that is Sarah Palin in order to capture the hilarity of somebody this idiotic being popular enough to endorse a presidential candidate and have people pay attention.

Such is 'Murica.

Virginia Delegate Mark Cole has filed legislation which requires schools to be certain that kids are using the bathroom which corresponds to their "correct anatomical sex."

Sounds legit...

...IF YOU'RE A CHILD-MOLESTING PERVERT!

I can only guess that Mark Cole will also be volunteering at schools to take a look at a child's genitals before allowing them to enter a restroom? What a disgusting piece of work.

Note to dumbass politicians... we all know that there is some fucked up shit going on in your bathrooms... which is why you're always getting caught there with prostitutes or doing cocaine or soliciting for a blow job or whatever... but you can't apply your personal shit to the general populace. Most normal people go to the bathroom TO GO TO THE FUCKING BATHROOM. It doesn't mater what their sex or how they identify, they don't equate going to the bathroom with anything sexual... they just want to piss or take a shit, (hopefully) wash their hands, then trip the fuck out the door. Which means the only perverted person in this scenario is PEOPLE LIKE DELEGATE MARK COLE.

You know what law I want to see on the books? A law banning these fucking idiots from using public restrooms. Their obsession over what's between my legs is bordering on psychotic, and I don't feel comfortable being trapped in closed quarters with transphobic, homophobic, bigoted assholes who are more interested in my junk than TAKING CARE OF ACTUAL FUCKING PROBLEMS!

Just when you think we're making progress, there's always some troglodyte crawling out of the ooze to be a dick.

The weather outside may be frightful but everything's still delightful, because Bullet Sunday starts... now...

   
• SUCK! Oh gawd. So this is where stupid goes to die.

   
• DESTROY! This is... uhhh... interesting?

Now THAT'S some LEGO!

   
• JUST NO! Buddha is not a god! He never claimed to be a god! He never claimed to be a son of god! He never even claimed to be a messenger from any god! He was a human being, and no Buddhist worships him as a god... they revere and respect him as a teacher. And yet here we are. Again.

The interesting bit here is that the original painting is a nice idea. It's when some joker slaps stupid text over it that makes no sense whatsoever that it becomes a discredit to reason.

   
• MORON! Fox News Host: Obama ‘Could Give A Shit’ About The Threat Of Terrorism

First of all, it's "COULDN'T CARE LESS," you vapid joke. Holy crap is Stacey Dash a fucking idiot. She says exactly what she thinks her equally dim fan base wants to hear. And since dumbasses like this won't be happy until we nuke the entire Middle East, OF COURSE she's going to be disappointed in President Obama's speech. There is not a damn thing he could ever say to make anybody at FOX "News" happy. With the exception of "I resign," I'm guessing.

Who could have guessed that the character Stacey Dash played on Clueless would actually be smarter than she is in Real Life.

   
• BAD! I wish I could credit this awesome photo... but I have no idea who took it. Makes me laugh every time I see it...

"Wasn't me!"

We now return you to our regularly-scheduled blogging.

You know... I would never presume to tell a parent what they should or should not allow their child to read.

Even the stupid parents. It's their kid... they should get to decide that. But it is quite another matter for said parent to decide FOR ALL OTHER KIDS what should or should not be read.

And yet...

The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks is absolutely fascinating reading, and there is much to be learned from her story (I can't wait for the movie!). There is NOTHING in the book that could even remotely be considered "pornography." Especially for a 15 year old kid who lives in the Real World. And yet, some bored woman in Tennessee with a bug up her vagina is wanting to have it banned...

Well fuck her.

Let other parents decide for themselves if it's appropriate reading for THEIR OWN DAMN KIDS. I am so sick and tired of ignorant dumbasses constantly pushing for society to be lowered to their level of idiocy.

Stay in your ignorance bubble if you want... just leave the rest of us out of your dumbfuckery.

If you want to know more about the woman whom the book in question is written about, here's the Wikipedia page for Henrietta Lacks. And if that's not enough... I can't recommend The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks highly enough.

Fascinating, fascinating stuff.

Christopher Columbus was a genocidal maniac who murdered and enslaved countless people. He was also sadistic asshole whose lust for gold resulted in massive amounts of destruction, torture, and death. As if that weren't enough, his one accomplishment... "discovering the New World"... is complete bullshit considering indigenous peoples were already established in the Americas. And, oh yeah, the Vikings were here 500 years earlier. It's possible that the Phoenicians were here even earlier.

And yet here we are, celebrating "Columbus Day" like the piece of shit is actually deserving of being celebrated.

Though there are some forward-thinking cities, like Seattle, who have replaced the holiday with "Indigenous People's Day." Why this hasn't happened nation-wide is a mystery to me, as getting rid of Columbus Day is clearly something everybody should be able to agree on.

Much like abolishing the penny...

Though we don't seem very close to getting rid of that stupid shit either.

No time to lose, because a rapid-fire edition of Bullet Sunday starts... now...

   
• Puppy. The best thing I've seen all week...

"Roo the one-year-old rescued Golden Retriever who never had any toys, or so much as anything to chew, grew up imprisoned, starved and neglected. This is the first time she gets to choose her own toy at a pet shop."

   
• Assemble! Marvel superheroes may be absent from the LEGO Dimensions game... but that doesn't mean you won't be able to play something new with them...

So can't wait for this!

   
• BANNED! Microbeads are insanely stupid. I can't fathom who ever thought this crap was a good idea. Hopefully other states will follow California's lead in banning this toxic crap. In other California banning news... looks like SeaWorld San Diego will be closing down sooner rather than later. Can't imagine them surviving without their Killer attraction.

   
• Ad? After complaining about obstructive ads on the internet yesterday, I'm going to take a half-step back today. Because more and more I'm finding ads I actually like. Earlier this week I found one for gum that was pretty sweet. Yes, gum...

It's as if advertisers are finally realizing that we don't want to watch shitty commercials that suck!

   
• Morans. And speaking of ads I like, the inevitability of One Million Morons being bigoted assholes and condemning one of the best ads ever has come to pass. Not that anybody gives a fuck. "One Million Moms" (who are off target by 919,482 mothers) is about as effective at boycotts as a piece of shit is at not stinking. All they do is remind everybody that there are pathetic homophobes out there clutching their pearls and getting the vapors over something THAT DOESN'T EVEN AFFECT THEM. So yes. Let's save the children of the world... by protecting them from loving, stable homes.

   
• Poop! I'm not saying this product will change your life... but this product will change your life*...

*At least that part of your life spent pooping.

   
And... I'm bullet-poor. The end.

Don't play with matches... because a smokey edition Bullet Sunday starts... now...

   
• Horror! I was very sad to learn that famed "Horror Maestro," Wes Craven, passed away. While he was most famous for his Nightmare on Elm Street and Scream series of films, I'll forever think of him as the director of Vampire in Brooklyn. This "so bad it's good" movie was supposed to be a comedy-horror film, but came up a bit short in both departments. Even so, I've watched it a half-dozen times because my love of all things Eddie Murphy has no shame. Well, that... and ANGELA BASSETT...

Rest in peace sir. Yours is a legacy that shall haunt the night for a very long time.

   
• Denali. At long last, North America's tallest mountain, Denali, has its name back. I'm sure President McKinley of Ohio was a great guy and everything, but it's categorically stupid that an entire mountain which he never visited and had nothing to do with him or his legacy could be renamed without permission from the native people living there. This goes for a lot of lands and landmarks around the world similarly appropriated, so it's kind of nice to see the right thing happen every once in a while. Despite objections, of course. As noted in Wikipedia: Ohio Congressman Mike Turner vowed to fight the change, commenting that "I’m certain [Obama] didn’t notify President McKinley’s descendants, who find this outrageous." Which, so far as statements go, is even more outrageous given that McKinley's two daughters died as children, thus leaving McKinley with no descendants to notify. Just another piece of shit lying politician trying to manipulate people with bullshit. What a fucking surprise.

   
• NEVER GIVE UP!. I cannot decide if this is good news or bad news.

   
• BETTY! This, on the other hand, is great news. Even if I'll have to watch the horrendously shitty show Bones to see it happen.

   
• Soap. Nurse Kathy is high again!

You're welcome!

   
• Hypocrisy. For the handful of county clerks saying "I'D RATHER DIE THAN ISSUE A MARRIAGE LICENSE FOR GAY COUPLES"... you're not the heroes you think you are. You regularly grant licenses for divorced couples, atheist couples, and a myriad of other couples who are getting married against "Biblical principal," so you are, in fact, just a bunch of pathetic hypocrites and certified assholes refusing to do the work your job requires. If marriage equality is SO offensive that you can't bring yourself to do what you're paid to do... then quit and find something that won't go against your hypocrisy.

Or just fuck off and kill yourself so you can be the martyr you profess to be. Except I think we all know that, in reality, it's more likely you're just being an attention-whore drama queen whose words are as hollow as your true convictions. Or whatever. I dunno. Feel free to prove me wrong.

Whichever. Totally up to you. Just so long as I don't have to see your "religious liberty" bullshit hypocrisy being applied to a government job that's supposed to be independent of your faith. Something you knew when you signed up.

   
And... I can't see to post any more bullets because the air has gotten too smokey.

Next year I turn fifty and, let me tell you, there's nothing like travel to make me feel like the crotchety old fart I'm becoming.

The morning started off with my being told that Seattle is experiencing weather delays and the flight in could be delayed by an hour or more. Which would be fine if this were one of my typical four hour layovers at SeaTac but, just my luck, I have a 46-minute layover this time. But, eh... what can you do? If it happens, it happens and I'll figure something else out, right?

See... I'm also mellowing in my old age,

But then I started getting irritated because people are just so damn irritating.

The actual flight to L.A. was fine. I was completely absorbed by watching Mad Max: Fury Road again because... well... ZOMG WHAT AN AMAZING FILM... and didn't pay much attention to anything going on around me.

After landing it was another story.

There I was getting my suitcase down from the overhead when I get bumped into by a small boy. He's irritated and squirmy because he has to go to the bathroom. I let the mother know that they will probably let him use the bathrooms if she wants, because we're at the back of the plane and it may take a while for people ahead of us to clear out. She thanks me, but says he's already gone to the bathroom several times and he's just using it as an excuse. I then goof around with the kid for a bit to try and take his mind of things, but it doesn't last long and he's back to squirming in no time. His mother tries her best to keep him in line and everything, but the guy is a handful.

Then it happens.

Some crusty older bitch in her hipster black turtleneck sees that the mother has tattoos and crazy colored hair and piercings and instantly comes to the conclusion that this surely must be a bad mother, and SHE knows better how to raise children than the mother does. And she tells the mother this.

Which infuriates me. It's not like the mother is letting the kid go apeshit all over the place like most parents do now-a-days... she's trying her level best to keep him in line. So I cut the bitch a glance and say "Give me a break... he's a kid!" Which should have been the end of it.

But of course it wasn't.

The self-entitled parenting expert of the year keeps at it. Telling the young mother everything she's doing wrong.

I was about to say something again when all of a sudden... the mother lets her have it.

"ARE YOU HIS MOTHER? DID I ASK FOR YOUR ADVICE? WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"

Surely that would be the end of it, right?

Nope.

The hipster Anne-Rice-Wannabe bitch proceeds to tell the mother that she had to sit in front of her and her kid the entire flight and it was horrible and maybe the mother should drive next time.

The mother loses it.

SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH! NOBODY ASKED YOU, SO JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!

And good for her. Probably wouldn't have cursed in front of the kid like that but, seriously, good for her.

As we're leaving, I feel the need to tell the mother that it's not her who should be driving... it's people who can't deal with being in public and are serious assholes about it. I hope it makes her feel better about the situation.

Sure I may like to talk about how people should be raising their kids... but never in a million years would I presume to actually tell a mother she's raising her kid wrong. Especially a mother who was trying to discipline her child and making them behave. What the fuck is that about?

And then I got to the car rental counter.

I can only guess the man causing a scene there was related to the asshole on the plane, because he sure acted like it. Apparently the car he wanted wasn't available, so he was just going off on the poor guys at the counter who were doing everything they could to placate the piece of shit. Like they have control over somebody not returning a vehicle on time or whatever. The asshole kept hammering away with "I'M A VERY GOOD CUSTOMER!" and "I'M GOING TO TAKE MY BUSINESS ELSEWHERE!" and "I'M NOT SPENDING MONEY WITH THIS COMPANY AGAIN!" and "AUF WIEDERSEHEN! GOOD BYE! GOOD RIDDANCE!" and "YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO DO BETTER THAN THAT!" and "I'M NOT WALKING ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE PARKING GARAGE! YOU NEED TO BRING THE CAR TO ME!"

As I stood over at the next counter filling out my paperwork I just couldn't take it any more and started screaming "WAH! WAH! WAAAAAAAH! THIS IS ALL ABOUT ME! PAY ATTENTION TO ME! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT ME?! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! MEEEEEE!!!" Then I looked over at the dickhead, inviting him to take on somebody who didn't have to put up with his bullshit.

But of course it never came. Assholes like this are almost always complete cowards when they have to fight against somebody who can fight back.

The prick finally signed off with "This is supposed to be customer service? I've never been so disgusted!" Which is when I had to point out to the guy helping me that I save my disgust for things like extreme poverty and world hunger.

Look, I get it. I have blogged many times about how shitty it is to not get the car you reserved. It sucks. It's wrong. It shouldn't happen. It's upsetting. But to take it out on some poor guy who is trying their best to help you? I'm just not that big a dick.

Well, I am... but I save my big dickish behavior for those who deserve it.

Even though I would probably be better off not getting involved at all.

Except I just can't help myself, can I? I am well on my way to becoming a crotchety old fart and seriously don't give a shit anymore.

If I ever did.

And then there was traffic hell on the 405 to deal with...

Welcome to the City of Angels.

And now, following up on yesterday's post...

Obviously, our priorities are completely fucked.