Just do it already.

From a historical perspective, we already look ridiculous...

   
No sense continuing to cater to the ever-increasing backwards fringe elements of society when most everybody else has moved on...

   
Oh well. At least the anti-equality brigade is keeping things entertaining as they go down in flames.

Put on your Easter bonnet... because Bullet Sunday starts... now...

   
• Egg! Happy Easter!

   
• Trek! Happy First Contact Day!

   
• Seder! And... hope you had a happy Passover yesterday!

   
• Watch! Still not sold on Apple Watch, but have to admit the thought that went into creating it is pretty amazing.

Too thick. Too expensive. For me.

For now.

   
• Like! Yep.

Expectations inside the social media bubble.

   
• Burberry! When "To Serve and Protect" involves showing up to somebody's house by mistake and shooting their dog, something is very, very wrong...

Errr... more wrong.

   
• Pat! Jesus.

The fact that people continue to take this dipshit seriously... let alone send him their money... boggles my mind.

   
And... time for an egg salad sandwich!

Now that marriage equality is blowing across the country like a righteous wind of rainbows and glitter, it should come as no surprise that homophobic political bigots are devising new ways to be on the wrong side of history.

Take it away, Jon Stewart...

   
There's a lot of hypocritical idiocy on display here, but Tony Tinderholt is the cherry on top of the bigot sundae...

This piece of shit can get married as many times as he wants... FIVE times at current count... but it's the gays who are ruining the sanctity of the institution?

Uh huh.

Amazing how somebody who lied about their employment history... committed insurance fraud... left children in the care of drug-abusers... and allowed a minor to be served alcohol, become intoxicated and then drive drunk... is in a position to dictate what people are and are not allowed to do with their personal lives.

Uh huh.

It's only a matter of time until he's exposed for sleeping with an underage gay prostitute, busted for cocaine, or is caught strangling a puppy. These people can't seem to stop themselves. The rules don't apply to their lives, after all.

Uh huh.

JUST SPLIT THE DAMN DIFFERENCE BETWEEN STANDARD TIME AND DAYLIGHT SAVING TIME AND GET RID OF THIS STUPID SHIT!

The Monday after dicking around with the clocks is the worst.

   
I know I complain about this dumbassery every time we mess with the clocks, but come on. HOW IS THIS STILL A THING?

Here we go again.

I'm probably going to link to this video every time the clocks change from here to eternity...

Genius.

A reminder to all you presidential candidates out there... any candidate... any candidate... who promises to abolish the idiocy of Daylight Saving Time gets my vote. Republican? Democrat? Libertarian? Communist? Nazi? Whatever... my vote is yours if you JUST MAKE THE MADNESS STOP!

Don't let the drone surveillance get you down... because Bullet Sunday on Monday starts... now...

   
• Vaccinate! Classic...

And yet... the measles epidemic rages on. Thanks, Jenny McCarthy!

You're a horrible, horrible person.

   
• MURICA! Because nothing says "freedom" better than being able to scream "YOU'RE FIRED, FAGGOT!" when you find out that one of your employees is gay, and being 100% within the law... Arkansas has passed an anti-non-discrimination bill SB 202...

I've heard of legislating morality... but legislating immorality? Way to go, Arkansas. There's some terrific things about your state, but this is a fucking embarrassment. Shame on everyone who had a hand in dragging "The Natural State" back to less enlightened times.

   
• Widow! The hype machine for Avengers: Age of Ultron is really amping up, with individual character posters being released this week. Could not possibly be more excited to see this film come May...

Looks like Black Widow may finally... finally be getting some tech that ups her game. They showed her using a built-in taser in the last Avengers film, but that's a far cry from the "Widow's Bite" blasters she sports in the comics. I certainly hope it comes to pass, because it seems completely illogical that Tony Stark wouldn't give her some advanced weaponry to make her a stronger part of the team.

   
• Laugh? The Matthew Perry version of The Odd Couple finally debuted and it's far, far worse than I imagined. Mostly because they're using a frickin' laugh track. This idiotic and antiquated method of attempting to make unfunny crap seem hilarious is just pathetic, and only serves to underline how funny something is not to modern audiences...

What kills me is how Matthew Perry can't seem to find a lead role in a vehicle that's worth his talent lately. He was essential viewing in Friends, he was a revelation as Joe Quincy on The West Wing, he was bordering on genius on Studio 60, and he was terrific on The Good Wife... I even liked his movies okay. But when it comes to finding a new show, he's been rolling in shit. Mr. Sunshine was abysmal. Go On was horrific. And now there's this hot mess? Sad. Just sad.

   
• MARCIA MARCIA MARCIA! Hot on the heels of Snicker's awesome Brady Bunch/Danny Trejo mashup comes this epic art installation...

I love it when companies create ad campaigns you actually want to see. In case you missed the original commercial, here you go...

The teaser ad was equally filled with awesome...

Yep. That's advertising done right, right there.

   
• Photographic! I used to carry a pocket camera with me everywhere I went to capture those unexpected moments that are begging for a picture to be taken. Then the iPhone 4 came along with its terrific built-in camera, and I started leaving my pocket camera at home more often than not. Why bother when I can get shots like this...

Then the iPhone 5 was released with an even better camera, and suddenly I found myself ditching the pocket camera completely. Now that I've got an iPhone 6 with its amazing camera, I've been doing something I never thought I'd do... go on some of my travels without taking my DSLR with me. It's a mind-boggling prospect, but the shots I can get out of a frickin' camera phone are so good that it's not a much of a sacrifice at all.

This week Apple finally realized what most of us already know... the iPhone is a really good camera. And they've started a nifty ad campaign to let everybody else know it too. They've also added an amazing "World Gallery" to their website...

Shot by Silke W. in Bali, Indonesia

A lot of people are carrying smart phone with them everywhere they go now-a-days. Which means a lot of people have a camera on them all the times. Which means a lot of photo opportunities that were once missed are being captured. It's an amazing time we live in.

   
And... I'm wrecked. See you next Sunday.

I would have bet one million dollars that the special interest lobbyist pig-fuckers representing AT&T, Comcast, Time Warner, Cox, and all the other internet provider assholes buying off our corrupt politicians would have killed net neutrality by now.

So imagine my surprise...

Photo by Brendan Smialowski/AFP/Getty Images

FCC Chairman Tom Wheeler: This Is How We Will Ensure Net Neutrality

Of course, this is not to say that internet freedom has been won... I'm sure pig-fucking lobbyists representing internet conglomerate assholes haven't even begun to explore new ways to buy control of the internet from our corrupt politicians.

Where there's billions of dollars, there's a way, after all.

In the meanwhile, however... surprisingly good news on the net neutrality front. A public utility it is. For now

Not surprisingly, there's still a bunch of politicians with their lips firmly planted on Comcast/AT&T/Time Warner/Cox cock that have escalated their hand-wringing about how net-neutrality is bad for the internet. Remedial Senator and All-Around Dumbass Ted Cruz went so far as to label it "ObamaCare for the Internet." I have no idea what the hell that's supposed to mean... but apparently it's bad.

Bad how?

Well... the arguments seem to go like this...

• HOLY FUCKBALLS! WE'VE JUST HANDED OVER CONTROL OF THE INTERNET TO THE GOVERNMENT! Except... not really. This is not so much the government "controlling" anything as it is them making sure data is kept free. Since all data is going to be treated equally from here on out, control of the internet resides with the American people using it. THEY get to decide what is a priority to them. Without net neutrality, control would reside with companies like AT&T, Comcast, Time Warner, and Cox... all of whom would be able to dictate which data has priority, which data is worth more money to access, and even if certain data could be accessed at all.
• NET NEUTRALITY IS UNFAIR! BANDWIDTH-HOGGING USERS PAY THE SAME AS REGULAR USERS! This is about the stupidest thing I've heard in a long while. Show of hands... who honestly thinks that AT&T, Comcast, Time Warner, and Cox would lower prices for customers who use less bandwidth? Anyone? Anyone? Didn't think so. Remember... these are the same assholes who won't let you pay for only the channels you want to watch when it comes to cable television. They bundle bunches of channels together so they can suck the most money possible out of their customers. These are the same assholes who charge outrageous fees for cellular text messages, even though the cost of delivering them is practically negligible. These are the same assholes who are eliminating unlimited data plans as a way of getting more money out of their data users... bit by bit. Make no mistake... no mistake... the only thing that would change if net-neutrality were defeated is that prices for some (most?) users would go up. Sure they'd undoubtedly offer a token "low bandwidth" plan... but anybody thinking it would serve their average user is seriously deluded.
• IT'S ANTI-COMPETITION! IF EVERYBODY HAS TO OFFER THE SAME DEAL, THEN WHERE IS THE INCENTIVE TO INNOVATE AND COMPETE? Crazy talk. Just because all data has to be treated the same, who says that internet providers can't charge more money for higher internet access speeds to that data? Oh... wait a second... MOST OF THEM ALREADY DO! ISP competition is offering more for your money versus other ISPs. When I walk into my local cable company, there's huge posters splashed everywhere saying "OUR INTERNET IS 20 TIMES FASTER THAN DSL!" How in the hell is net neutrality going to threaten that? Assuming you have a choice where you live, the company offering the best access speed for the best price has an advantage over your other choices. Net neutrality isn't going to change that.
• NOW BIG COMPANIES HAVE A STRONGER MONOPOLY AND NEW ISPs CAN'T BREAK INTO THE MARKET! I actually had to have somebody explain this to me, it made so little sense. The idea is that some brilliant company comes along with a new and innovative ways of accessing the internet for less money... but their method involves charging more for some services than others. Since net neutrality forbids this, they never get to open their doors and their brilliant internet access technology is denied to people forever. Well, okay, it still makes no sense to me, but I'll give it a shot. The only way that current ISPs could possibly be a bigger monopoly than they already are would be if AT&T, Comcast, Time Warner, and Cox merged into one company. Period. No little company is ever going to have a chance because the stakes are too high for the big guys to ever allow a loss. Otherwise we'd have new cable companies popping up which allow their customers to pay for television channels ala carte. How do I know? BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT EVERYBODY WANTS! It would take a massively huge company... like Apple or Facebook or Google... to break up what we have now. Net neutrality ain't changing that either. Unfortunately.
• BANDWIDTH IS A FINITE RESOURCE. IF YOU CAN'T REGULATE BANDWIDTH BY BEING ABLE TO CHARGE MORE FOR THOSE WHO USE IT THE MOST, THE INTERNET WILL FAIL, AND CRITICAL SERVICES LIKE EMAIL WILL BE IMPACTED. Yes. That's a terrific reason to create a two-tiered internet where only those who can pay for heavy bandwidth get the luxury of being able to use it! Or... not. You know what's killing email right now? Spam. You know what's going to be killing email after net neutrality is implemented? Spam. And you know what's going to still be killing email once we reach peak bandwidth and emails are delayed or fail to get through? Spam. So when do we fix that problem? You know what's killing the web right now? Viruses. You know what's going to be killing the web after net neutrality is implemented? Viruses. And you know what's going to still be killing the web once we reach peak bandwidth and website pages are delayed or fail to get through? Viruses. So when do we fix that problem? And what about transactions? Fraud. And what about security? Cyberterrorism. Etc. Etc. Etc. So when do we fix those problems? Companies are increasing their bandwidth speed all the time. They have to, or else their customers will go somewhere else. So, yes, if everything stays the same with the internet and nothing is changed or updated, we're headed for a problem. But does anybody actually think that's the case? No. Infrastructure is constantly being improved for the internet just like it's constantly being improved for cellular phones. This is not to say that we won't run into problems... it's technology, after all... but saying net neutrality is going to be the death of the internet is silly when there are even bigger problems with the internet facing us. Like spam. And viruses. And fraud. And cyberterrorism. Etc. Etc. Etc.

And now we come to the NET NEUTRALITY DOESN'T LEVEL THE PLAYING FIELD... JUST THE OPPOSITE... IT MAKES IT MORE EXPENSIVE FOR SMALLER COMPANIES USING LESS BANDWIDTH THAN BIG COMPANIES LIKE NETFLIX AND FACEBOOK AND YOUTUBE! part of our blog entry...

I saved this for last, because it's just so outrageously stupid. It costs me $12.70 a month to have this blog hosted on the internet. If I wanted to turn it into a business website, it would still cost me $12.70 a month to get it hosted. Yes, if it became a hugely successful business website that got tons of traffic, I'd have to pay more than $12.70 a month to get it hosted because a successful business costs more to run... such is the price of success, but still... $12.70 a month to start.

I assure you that Netflix, Facebook, and YouTube cost more than $12.70 a month to get hosted. But back to the point...

For $12.70 a month, I have a blog that's every bit as accessible to people on the internet as Netflix, Facebook, and YouTube.

And no matter how many billions of dollars Facebook has, net neutrality ensures that they can't use that money to shut me out. They can't pay to have Facebook load faster than Blogography. They can't pay to have Blogography be unaccessible. It doesn't matter how big of a threat to their bottom line Blogography is, Facebook can't use their massive bankroll to manipulate the internet to make me go away*.

If that's not a level playing field, I don't know what is.

Thanks to the internet and net neutrality, a small startup company can take on companies millions of times their size... starting out at $12.70 a month. And there's nothing those massive companies can do to stop them from being on the internet.

Seriously... if that's not a level playing field, what the fuck is?

I can't for the life of me understand how people like Iris Somberg can sit there with a straight face telling me that it's the opposite of a level playing field. Something tells me her lips must be firmly planted on Comcast/AT&T/Time Warner/Cox cock, because this is so obvious as to be painful.

Yet net neutrality became a reality anyway.

I know. It shocked the hell out of me too.

*Of course, if Facebook wanted to pay me millions of dollars directly to make Blogography go away... well... my email address is at the top of the sidebar on every page here.

You're a typical American teenage girl who just wants a normal teenage life where you do typical teenage things and deal with typical teenage stuff. But your dad is the President of the United States, so that plan goes right out the window. Instead you lead a life that's anything but typical. Instead of going to the mall to hang out with friends, for example, you're dragged to some boring press event where your father will be... wait for it... pardoning a turkey. You don't want to spend a chunk of your day listening to dad make groan-inducing cheesy one-liners over a big bird, but you do it anyway because you're told to. Ironically this actually is a "typical teenage experience," because every teenager has to do stuff they don't want to do because their parents tell them to do it.

The difference being that typical teenagers don't have to do stuff in front of the entire country.

So you resign yourself to the fact that you have no choice but to attend the turkey thing and once again set aside your typical teenage dreams so you can live up to the unforgiving expectations of an entire country, if not the entire world. You check to see that your hair is presentable... you make sure you haven't spilled anything on your clothes... and you damn well cover up that zit that mysteriously appeared last night... this is going to be televised nationally, after all.

And then you show up to the stupid turkey event that you didn't want any part of from the very beginning... the same boring turkey event that you've had to go to for the past five years.

Hopefully your friends aren't watching this embarrassing situation.

Hopefully you remember not to pick your nose.

Hopefully it will be over with soon.

Hopefully...

Photo by Jacquelyn Martin/Associated Press

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Photo by... I don't know photo by because Daily Caller doesn't credit people for their work?

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Photo by Mark Wilson/Getty Images

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Photo by Pablo Martinez Monsivais/Associated Press

Whew. Thank God that's over.

Six down. Two to go.

Now back to your efforts of being a typical teenager try... trying... t...
   

   
Wow. That was kinda harsh. You did your duty to show up. Your clothes were clean. Your hair was presentable. You covered up that zit. You didn't pick your nose. You clapped in all the right places. Sure, you looked bored in spots... you were making bored faces... but this turkey thing was boring as hell. Who can blame you? You did your best to make lame jokes with a big bird look interesting, even this isn't really your thing. You'd rather be at the mall with your friends, right?

But haters gonna hate... so what can you do?

If some staffer for a Republican politician with an axe to grind wants to pathetically unleash her vendetta on a rival politician's kids, That's the way it goes, isn't it?

That's the game you signed up for, right?

Hey! Wait a minute... you didn't sign up for this! Your mom and dad did.

Oh well. You get to live in a really great house. You get to travel the world. You have opportunities that other kids can only dream about. It may not seem worth the trade-offs now, but I'm sure you'll come to appreciate it some day. Maybe.

And maybe... just maybe... next time you're forced into some boring-ass press event you will learn from your critics and live up to the lofty expectations of "class and respect" that people like Elizabeth Lauten expect of you.

Wow. That Elizabeth Lauten is really something, isn't she?

You're guessing that Elizabeth Lauten must have been a model teen, right? To be an authority on "class and respect" for teenagers, she must have been a regular Doris Day for crying out loud! Donna Reed could take lessons from Elizabeth Lauten! If only you could be like that! Perfect in every way at every moment like Elizabeth Lauten was as a teen. Forever having that perfect smile on your face like Elizabeth Lauten must have had. Always knowing the classy thing to do like Elizabeth Lauten did. Consistently ma... making... m...

Ooh.

So this is what she meant by "class."

Or do the rules only apply to teenagers who have a parent that's the president?

Except...

It doesn't seem right that the crazy stuff you did as a teenager should be tied around your neck for all eternity. Sure Elizabeth Lauten was busted when she was a juvenile, but should that be her defining attribute for the rest of her life? When your family has left The White House and you've grown up and started your own life, is the media going to dig up photos of you being bored at the turkey pardoning event every time you make a public attack on a couple kids whose dad you hate? Because that would be awful.

Despite her being a total hypocritical ass, you kind of feel sorry for Elizabeth Lauten now, don't you?

I mean, all she did was say some mean things to a couple of kids. Now she's out of a job.

Probably not for long though... I'm sure there are plenty of people who will make her out to be the total victim she is and give her a new job. After they let her down from that cross they've hung her from, of course.

Perhaps she'll be a new FOX "News" personality.

Because if there's anybody better at pardoning turkeys than your dad, it's FOX "News."

But anyway...

Best wishes to you. Hopefully you'll get a few days off before some other adult who hates your parents decides to pick over your every move and crucify you on the internet because they don't like what you're wearing or how your face looks when you're bored (SUCH a classy thing to do, by the way... I wonder how Bristol Palin dealt with this stuff?).

Oh... and good luck with that whole "typical teenager" thing you're shooting for. Let me know how that works out.

As of today, I have become a single-issue voter.

Since it doesn't seem to matter which political party gets into office, and Republicans and Democrats have been equally guilty of caving to lobbyists and fucking up this country... I just don't give a shit anymore. This tends to lead me to vote based on social issues rather than the Big Political Issues that are decided by People With Money instead of politicians.

Because if we're going to charge ahead into wars so the 1% can profit from the carnage... if we're going to continue to subsidize industries that destroy the environment... if we're always going to pass laws that stack the deck against the little guy so the big guys can keep their wealth and power... does it really fucking matter if it's a conservative or a liberal making the decision? Why should I care?

Newsflash... I don't.

I haven't for a long time.

And so I've made my election decisions based solely on the issues that politicians can actually change. Any time a candidate is fighting for personal liberties, equality, fairness, and keeping the government the fuck out of our bedrooms, vaginas, and private lives... they get my vote. Which is why Mitt Romney wasn't even on my radar during the last presidential election. President Obama was the least worst candidate on crap that presidents are actually a factor in changing. Sure he totally fucked us on "government transparency," but the People With Money were never going to let ordinary citizens see how the government really works anyway... so whatever. But Obama has pushed forward on issues like marriage equality, which is all he can truly change anyway, so there you have it.

And now we come to the one issue that makes me a single-issue voter from here on out.

Daylight Saving Time.

Any politician... ANY politician... who makes a campaign promise to eradicate Daylight Saving Time gets my vote. Republican... Democrat... Libertarian... Independent... Communist... whatever... that's how I'm casting my ballot.

I can't stand Hillary Clinton. But if Hillary Clinton runs with the promise of dropping Daylight Saving Time and her challenger does not... CLINTON 2016!

I can't stand Mitt Romney. But if Mitt Romney runs again with the promise of dropping Daylight Saving Time and his challenger does not... ROMNEY 2016!

Hell, if mental midget with an IQ of a butter dish Louie Gohmert decides to stop obsessing over gay men long enough to make a run for president in 2016 with a promise to abolish Daylight Saving Time... GOHMERT 2016!

Sure he's dumber than a box of rocks, but it's not like this would be the first time we've had a person so pervasively, astoundingly, unyieldingly ignorant in the White House. But we survived then and we can survive again... we'll just be doing it without having to dick with our clocks twice a year.

And speaking of pervasively, astoundingly, unyieldingly ignorant potential candidates... if he vows to get rid of Daylight Saving Time? TRUMP 2016!

Because the madness simply has to end.

Eliminate it... or split the difference... or even make Daylight Saving Time become Standard Time... I don't fucking give a shit... just stop this antiquated, nonsensical, idiotic crap once and for all...

   
RICK "PIECE OF SHIT" SANTORUM 2016???

Could be. Could be. All it takes is one campaign promise... you disgusting, unAmerican, homophobic, dumbfuck... and my vote is yours!

Today is going to be a little different.

I need you to watch a short 30-second commercial.

Please pay attention, because there will be a test afterwards...

Thanks for watching "Beggin' Party Poppers." Here we go...

1. How fucking lazy have we humans become when we can't be bothered to toss a dog treat in the air, but instead need a device to do it for us?
2. Do you think the fine people at Purina who developed this product know that "poppers" is a slang term given to a chemical called alkyl nitrite which is inhaled as an aphrodisiac... primarily by homosexuals to relax the anus and make anal sex more comfortable? Even if there aren't any gay men on the product development team, wouldn't you think there's be at least one of them who had a gay friend that likes to delight in torturing them by doing things like explaining what "poppers" are?
3. Assuming animals are capable of feeling shame, do you think that the dogs in this commercial should feel more or less embarrassed to be appearing in such a fucking stupid advertisement?
4. Does this entry make you more or less embarrassed to be a Blogography reader... or have you already hit rock-bottom in that department, so nothing I post here can make things worse?
5. If you had to guess as to what a "Beggin' Popper" tastes like... what would that be?

Thanks for playing!