Living where I do, you always live in dread of hearing the words "LEVEL 3 EVACUATION ISSUED". Just in case you are blessed to live in an area without wildfires, LEVEL 1 is the Get Ready level where you should start keeping a very close eye on the local fires because you could be in danger of evacuation. LEVEL 2 is the Get Set level where you start packing up your crap, gassing up the car, and generally be ready to evacuate at a moment's notice. LEVEL 3 is the Go Level where your life is in imminent danger if you don't get the heck out of dodge.

I have been in a LEVEL 3 twice. The first time I wasn't at home, so it was no big deal to up and leave the area. I got in a line of slow-moving cars and drove back to my house. The second time was much more serious. Once we hit LEVEL 3, absolutely everybody had left the area except me. I stayed behind running around my apartment building putting out ember fires so that my apartment wouldn't catch fire. Part of the time I was on the roof with a bandana tied around my nose and mouth so I could spot problems easier. After a couple hours, the fire department told me that it had gone way past dangerous, and I had to leave. Because I had stayed behind and "bravely fought to save my home" they promised that they would do their best to make sure it hadn't been for nothing. And they totally did. Other than smoke damage, the building only had a few spots on it.

Yesterday some places in the Lake Chelan region hit LEVEL 3. As I heard the advisory start screaching through everybody's mobile phones, I got that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomache that I always get.

Fast forward to today and all the evacuations have been downgraded and the bulk of the fire had been halted at around 20 acres lost. They still don't know how it started. Though I keep getting lightning alerts from my little weather station, so I guess that could be a possibility.

In Other News...

As a child of the 80's, I remember very well The Cold War... and Mikhail Gorbachev's "openess reforms" (гласность, a.k.a. Glasnost) which effectively ended it. Having lived through my entire childhood with nuclear war being a distinct possibility, it was nice to think that... just maybe... things had deescalated enough that the world could breathe a little easier knowing that catastrophic annihilation had been (temporarily, alas) pushed aside even a little bit.

Gorbachev's actions were wildly controversial. And nowhere more so than in the Country Formerly Known as the Soviet Union itself. Now that he has died at 91 years of age, I've seen his пицца хат (Pizza Hut) commercial making it's way through the internets...

If there's one short video which can sum up what Gorbachev in the 1980's was about to American audiences today... it's probably this commercial. I am still amazed that he agreed to actually do it. Which makes me kinda like him, because I love it when powerful people aren't above poking fun at themselves. Humor is a basic human condition, and willing to be the subject of it to better relate to those who are not powerful people... well... it just shows that you still have some humanity left in you. And that goes double when you allow the humor to be coupled with any amount of criticism towards your policies.

Probably why I'm such a fan of the White House Correspondents Dinner. Just the fact that an American president would dare to take part is pretty amazing when you think about it (well, when they actually do take part).

And I know this is a bit cliché... but now I actually want Pizza Hut. I'm all too easily susceptible to suggestion.

No, I didn't want the Super Bowl. I don't give a crap about football. The only sports I have any interest in are baseball (GO RED SOX!) and hockey (GO BLACKHAWKS!). Which is not to say that I have no interest in the Super Bowl itself, because the commercials and half-time show are always a lot of fun.

The half-time show was amazingly great. Not Prince level-great (how could it be?), but I thought it was extremely well done and the performances were fantastic. Epic even.

But of course all the news today was either about how Snoop Dogg smoked a joint before he went on stage...

...or how Eminem kneeled...

Image from Mike Segar @ Reuters

...or how Mary J. Blige was showing thigh in her costume choice...

Image from Kevin C. Cox @ Getty Images

...or how Dr. Dre sang the lyric "still not loving police" in his song Still D.R.E....

Image Credit Unknown (taken from Rolling Stone)

To which I can only respond...

• Snoop Dogg is always high. He in no way has ever concealed this, so when you book him for a gig you can count on him performing high. That's how he does what he does. Nobody should be shocked. Feel free not to watch the Super Bowl ever again if this offends you.
• It's a free country. Eminem is going to do what he's going to do. So stop acting like he took out a gun and shot people during the snow. He took a knee. That's it. And I find it incredible to have to repeat the fact that Colin Kaepernick ASKED VETERANS THE MOST RESPECTFUL WAY TO PROTEST WITHOUT DISRESPECTING THE FLAG OR THEIR SERVICE, AND TAKING A KNEE WAS WHAT HE WAS TOLD. So everybody can just calm the fuck down. This form of protest was endorsed by the only people who should give a shit. And Eminem expressing his beliefs and opinions are exactly what this country is supposed to be about. Feel free not to watch the Super Bowl ever again if this offends you.
• As for Mary J. Blige. Are you fucking serious? People wear FAR less than this at a public pool. She looked spectacular and her outfit was not the least bit problematic. If people want to feel otherwise, then go right ahead. It's a free country. So feel free not to watch the Super Bowl ever again if this offends you.
• Dr. Dre is able to express his experience just like everybody else, and if he has a platform to do so, then why should he give a crap if some people won't like it? Answer? HE SHOULDN'T! Elon Musk and other billionaires do and say stuff which offends me all the time and people praise them for it... but Dr. Dre should be treated differently? Fuck no. None of the words he used were profanity. And condemning him over what he feels and what has experienced is absurd. Go ahead and be offended. Refuse to buy his music. You do you. But understand they he gets to do him too. And, oh yeah... feel free not to watch the Super Bowl ever again if this offends you.

I didn't look very hard, but I'm sure that Kendrick Lamar and 50 Cent were lambasted over something. They're Black men in America, which means somebody somewhere is pissed off about it. That (along with death and taxes) is a certainty. And all the more reason they deserve to be performing at the Super Bowl. And probably should have been a long time ago.

Anyway...

When it comes to the commercials, there were a few that got me. My hands-down favorite was The Sopranos remix with the kids reenacting the show opening...

It doesn't feel like a Super Bowl without a Budweiser commercial that makes you want to bawl your head off...

The star power in the Planet Fitness ad was great. And the way that Lindsay Lohan is willing to poke fun at herself just makes me love her all the more (I fell back into love with her again after her response to a Cameo request)...

I love anything with Salma Hayek... but it was the surprise appearance by Arnold that made this commercial so much fun...

I could listen to Morgan Freeman read the telephone book and be completely entertained, so hearing him in this terrific ad for Turkish Airlines was great...

The Alexa ad by Scarlett Johansson and Colin Jost was seriously funny...

Probably the most important and heartwarming commercial was for the Google Pixel 6 phone, which works to take amazing photos of you... no matter your skin tone. And I'm sure that Google will be accused of being "too woke" or some other such bullshit because a lot of white people will be saying "I don't know what Black people are complaining about!" because this is a non-issue FOR THEM... but imagine how important this is for persons with dark skin tones who have had to live with their photos turning out crappy because nobody ever bothered to try and make them look good? Wonderful. And how the world should be...

Runner up to most important commercial is a commentary on the insane divide of this country and how people will go at each other throats over shit that doesn't matter...

So... all in all... not a bad slate of ads that I actually wanted to watch. Effective advertising seems like a lost artform (99% of commercials are shit and don't make me want to do anything except ignore them, skip them, or not buy the product), so it's nice that somebody somewhere knows how to do it right.

You're probably watching sportsball today, but I've got your touchdown right here... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

   
• BAT! My new ritual for Sportsball Sunday is to watch the Superb Owl episode of What We Do In The Shadows...

Far more entertaining that football could ever be.

   
• Make Mine Marvel! Finally. Exactly what I'm looking for in a Marvel Studios Disney+ series...

I'm assuming that they're not going to waste our time with three episode parodying 48 Hours, Lethal Weapon, and Rush Hour before actually getting to the action. And speaking of action... how amazing is it to see Sharon Carter (AKA Agent 13) kicking copious amounts of ass in this trailer?

   
• Beer! The Superb Owl commercials were mostly a bust this year for me. Except one. This is one of the best straightforward commercials I've seen in a long time...

It bypasses special effects and slick marketing to go with something much more intimate and human. And it works really well, accomplishing what commecials costing boatload more money can't. Bravo, David Fincher.

   
• Plague! As a long-time fan of Adam Ellis and his illustrated comics and stories, I was 100% unsurprised to learn that somebody made a shot-for-shot film adaptation... without asking for permision... of one of his stories...

I'm unsurprised because this shit happens CONSTANTLY. I've had my works stolen more times than I can count... for everything from business logos and remakes of my DaveToons to outright plagiarism where they erase my copyright and present it as their own work to promote their sites and products. There was a shop in the UK that printed out one of my cartoons to fill AN ENTIRE WINDOW DISPLAY and never responded to my emails once I was made aware of it. And don't even get me started on my photos. Those have been stolen so often that I had to stop putting hi-res images online, which was brought about because some asshole used one of my shots to promote a homophobic message of hate that really hit me hard. 95% of the time when people ASK me to use something, I am happy to say yes with the understanding that it's for non-profit use that doesn't promote hate-speech. But since I don't make any money off of my stuff, if YOU are, then I want to get PAID.

This right here from Adam Ellis is one of the worst and most egregious rip-offs I've ever seen. And the fact that the people who STOLE HIS WORK then asked him to promote it... and even blew him off when he asked them to remove their theft... is abhorrent. I hope he sues because he has a very good chance of winning. SOME of us should actually get justice for having our work stolen. This is rage-inducing. But what's even more rage-inducing? The response from the filmmakers after Adam's post went viral, essentially saying that they tried to contact Adam (right), but when he "didn't respond" they decided to steal his work anyway. Except because they added stuff to the story, they don't consider it to be really stealing. And since the concept of man being created from the earth has been told forever, then they have a right to tell it. Even if it rips off the way Adam interpreted it completely. So by that logic I guess I could rip them off by making a shot-for-shot remake of their film and they would be perfectly fine with that?

   
• I AM SEEN! And I don't think that I've ever felt more attacked!

Pretty much... me.

   
• Olive Garden? When it comes to eating out, I'm not the biggest fan of Olive Garden. It's okay... and there are certainly some dishes I like there... but it's not terribly authentic and I would prefer to make my own Italian at home. The exception is their salad and breadsticks. In fact, most every time I go there, it's not for the pasta... it's for that neverending salad and breadsticks. A while ago I found that they started selling their "Signature Italian" salad dressing in the grocery store. I bought a small bottle to try, absolutely loved it, and have been buy the big bottles two at a time so I never run out...

It makes salad become frickin' dessert. And it's made me start experimenting with making my own breadsticks. At first I thought it shouldn't be too difficult. It's just a basic bread slathered with butter and garlic salt. But they're surprisingly tricky to make the same, because th sticks at Olive Garden have a fluffy texture to them. I'm guessing it's because of some kind of dough additive, but I'm not giving up just yet. If Olive Garden ever releases frozen sticks at the grocery store that bake up the same, I may never go to their restaurants ever again.

   
• Population! I found this fascinating...

At some point mankind will understand that resources are finite and the planet is being destroyed. Then they will either do something about it... or they won't. The universe won't care one way or the other. Humanity, of course, will care quite a lot.

   
And that's my last touchdown.

I generally fast-forward through commercials because most of them are total shit and not worth watching. This is easy to do because I watch almost all television from my DVR. The only time I let commercials play is when I'm watching TV live... or if I'm working (or otherwise distracted) and can't be bothered.

Like tonight.

There I was, working away with the television playing in the background when...

... a sound plays.

A familiar sound.

The sound of the announcement tone for Disney's Star Tours!

What the heck?

Turns out it's a commercial advertising the Main Street Electrical Parade, where a Disney cast member is walking through a giant warehouse filled with relics of Disneyland past. I must have freeze-framed a dozen times on my DVR trying to figure out what everything I was seeing could be. Reviewing it all was a nostalgia-laden walk down memory lane.

The commercial has been around for months, but this was my first time seeing it.

When I was Googling to see if Disney had posted it to YouTube, I found that there were a couple of videos calling out all the "Easter Eggs." Like these...

Now THIS is a cool commercial that is actually worth your time to watch!

Assuming you're as big a Disney geek as I am, that is.

Don't you love a good TV ad?

Given that almost every ad you see is complete shit and totally the interruption it is designed to be... it makes me fall hard for ads that are actually good.

Like this one, which is currently top of the heap for my favorite ad of 2015...

Barely edging out my previous favorite for 2015...

Perhaps I'll be adding it to this one, my favorite from 2014...

And this one, my favorite from 2013...

And 2012...

And 2011...

And, lastly, the 2010 commercial that made me start keeping track of my favorite commercials...

   
It's hard not to love anything that features Betty White.

Today is going to be a little different.

I need you to watch a short 30-second commercial.

Please pay attention, because there will be a test afterwards...

Thanks for watching "Beggin' Party Poppers." Here we go...

1. How fucking lazy have we humans become when we can't be bothered to toss a dog treat in the air, but instead need a device to do it for us?
2. Do you think the fine people at Purina who developed this product know that "poppers" is a slang term given to a chemical called alkyl nitrite which is inhaled as an aphrodisiac... primarily by homosexuals to relax the anus and make anal sex more comfortable? Even if there aren't any gay men on the product development team, wouldn't you think there's be at least one of them who had a gay friend that likes to delight in torturing them by doing things like explaining what "poppers" are?
3. Assuming animals are capable of feeling shame, do you think that the dogs in this commercial should feel more or less embarrassed to be appearing in such a fucking stupid advertisement?
4. Does this entry make you more or less embarrassed to be a Blogography reader... or have you already hit rock-bottom in that department, so nothing I post here can make things worse?
5. If you had to guess as to what a "Beggin' Popper" tastes like... what would that be?

Thanks for playing!

It's a great day to stay inside and surf the internet all day... because Bullet Sunday starts... now...

   
• Drone! Most of the time I am not a fan of the successor to RC helicopters... RC drones. When they're not making an annoying whine as the scream across the sky, they're blowing stuff up. But every once in a while, somebody finds a good use for drones that makes me forget all about the negatives. This viral video of a drone flying through 4th of July fireworks is one of them...

WARNING: It may not be all fun and games, however, as this link will tell you.

   
• Evian! Speaking of viral videos... how in the heck did I miss this one?

Guess this is the inevitable next step from stupid talking baby and talking animal commercials?

   
• Proud! During San Francisco Pride, Burger King sold a "Proud Whopper" in one of their restaurants along the parade route. Not surprisingly, I heard about the outcry before I heard about the burger. People were saying things like "I'M NEVER EATING AT BURGER KING AGAIN!" and "STOP CRAMMING HOMOSEXUALITY DOWN MY THOAT!" (ahem). Which is about as fucking stupid as it gets, because this was not a nation-wide project. It was specifically made for a single event in one restaurant in a localized area where the event took place. The only way you'd have "homosexuality crammed down your throat" would be if your were there for San Francisco Pride... and, even then, you could choose to have a plain-old Whopper if you wanted. Burger King never forced you to eat a "Proud Whopper" at all. Putting the usual homophobic idiocy aside, the idea of it all was actually pretty cool. Especially when people found out what a "Proud Whopper" was...

Exactly. Which is why seeing the insane reaction to a completely innocent publicity stunt (which had a positive message for everybody) just reinforces my disgust at what my LGBT friends have to deal with every day. Which I'm guessing is something like this...

The only thing that gives me hope for the future is that people like this will soon be dead and their absurd bigotry will one day be dead with them. Until then, I guess everybody can just "Be Your Way."

   
• Horrible! The movie Horrible Bosses was a complete surprise when I saw it... namely because it didn't suck. I actually really liked it. Well-written, well-acted, and funnier than it had a right to be. Largely thanks to one of Jennifer Anniston's best movie roles ever as a truly horrible boss. I had no idea they were making a sequel, but here it is...

Can't wait! I just hope that it doesn't go all The Hangover on us and do a crappy rehash of the first film in the sequel... then shit the bed in the third one.

   
• Democracy? It will come as no surprise that I'm completely disgusted with the state of government in this country. Politicians are bought and paid for every damn day, which has effectively destroyed any chance of true democracy in this country. It seems an insurmountable problem. But then I saw something that has me intrigued...

Surprisingly, MayDay US reached their $5 million goal. Whether or not it can make any difference against politicians backed by unlimited funds remains to be seen... but it's worth a shot, I suppose.

   
• Shark! After the idiotic crap that tainted Shark Week last year, I was kind of soured on the idea. Then I see this ad...

SHARK EXTREME! Oh Shark Week, how can I quit you?

   
And now I get to go to work! How awesome is that?

No need to be Sleepless in Seattle... because a boring, coma-inducing Bullet Sunday starts now...

   
• SALTALAMACCHIA! Well this is bad. You can candy-coat it all you want, but an error in judgement by one of my favorite players, Boston catcher Jarrod Saltalamacchia, pretty much cost the Red Sox the third game of the World Series last night. At first I didn't even understand what happened... and even after they walked through it, I'm not entirely convinced it was the right call to make... but there's no denying that this is not going to bode well for Salty. The last couple games have not been good for him and, considering they're World Series games, it's tough to see what the upshot might be. I'd be heartbroken if this was the factor that resulted in him leaving the team, but it's not like Boston would be without cause. The good news is that the Red Sox came back in tonight's game to tie things up 2 games to 2... albeit without Saltalamacchia behind home plate... and I guess that's the thing I should be focusing on. But... damn...

   
• DIMENSION! I've said it many times before... but I loves me a great television advertisement!

Considering how badly most TV ads suck, it's always great to see somebody put effort into creating one that people are actually going to want to watch. With the cost of a national ad campaign being so hideously expensive, I remain shocked that more companies aren't more clever with their money. Especially given the advent of DVRs, where being able to fast-forward through commercials is commonplace. Well played, Honda.

   
• CURFEW! I used to watch the ending to the Danny Boyle film Millions whenever I needed to crawl my way out of depression. Now I find myself watching Curfew, which feels so much bigger than the little short film it is...

Surprising how something so dark can manage to be so uplifting, but here it is. Totally deserving of the dozens of awards it's racked up... including an Academy Award for Best Short Film. But the best news? You can get it for just $2.99 at the iTunes Store! I can't wait to see what writer/director/actor Shawn Christensen is up to next after "Grandma's Not a Toaster."

   
• VELVET! I was never a big fan of Velvet Underground singer Lou Reed, but it's tough to deny his influence when it comes to music. Perhaps this was best expressed by Brian Eno who had this to say about The Velvet Underground's first album selling only 30,000 copies... "I think everyone who bought one of those 30,000 copies started a band!" Keeping that in mind, it was pretty tough to hear that Mr. Reed as died at age 71. He was still making music, and undoubtedly had a lot more to say with his work. Rest in peace, sir, your influence will live on.

   
• WALLACE! And, ending things on another down note, I was sad to learn that actor Marcia Wallace had died at age 70. Probably best-known for playing Bob's acerbic receptionist on The Bob Newhart Show, she went on to make dozens of appearances... including a reoccurring role on The Simpsons as 4th grade teacher Mrs. Krabappel. It had to be tough coming up with a character that could be so well-liked while also being an adversary for Bart Simpson, but Marcia Wallace was a big part of what made it work. Her many flirtations in early Simpsons episodes was a staple of the show, and I was always upset that they ended up marrying Mrs. K to Ned Flanders... but there's no denying Marcia Wallace maintained her character's appeal despite it all. You will very much be missed.

   
Annnnd... I'm spent.

Cancel your post-Super-Bowl plans... because Bullet Sunday starts now...

   
• Poop! On March 1st, one of the greatest innovations in toilet technology ever conceived will finally be available... THE DIGITAL 2-IN-1 POTTY WITH ACTIVITY SEAT FOR iPAD! Or, as I like to call this stunning testament to genius... the iPotty...

Why this isn't available in adult sizes, I will never know. If you want to order one, Amazon is accepting pre-orders!

   
• Bowl! I really don't give a crap about football in general, and the Super Bowl in particular, but my love of a good television commercial definitely have me looking forward to the big game. Or, since I don't watch the thing, I guess I should say after the big game... where I rush to see all the ads that aired.

This year was a massive disappointment. Most of the ads sucked ass (that idiotic GoDaddy ad was just fucking gross), and there was only one... ONE commercial that I felt was Super Bowl worthy...

And even that was a bit manipulative and predictable.

What happened to the epic Super Bowl commercials of yesteryear?

   
• Closing! One of my favorite guilty pleasures is searching the internet for "The World's Most Dangerous Airport Landings." There are several really good lists, and a number of scary videos... all glorifying those airports that are insanely difficult to land at. Later this month, one of those airports... Ecuador’s Mariscal Sucre International Airport in Quito... is due to close. I am very familiar with it, because it's appeared on a number of those "Most Dangerous" lists I love, and for good reason. It's right in the middle of a big city, is surrounded by mountains, is plagued by nasty cross-winds, and is at a high altitude...

Having trouble finding it? Yeah... that's just one of the problems...

Photo was uncredited, but I got it from Flying Magazine.

I always thought it would be cool to have bragging rights to have landed at one of these crazy airports. Guess there's one less chance of that happening now. Though I'll bet the people whose homes are surrounding Mariscal Sucre aren't sorry about that.

   
• Trek! The Lone Ranger, Man of Steel, Oblivion, Monsters University, A Good Day to Die Hard, Gravity, World War Z, Elysium, Despicable Me 2, Thor: The Dark World , Oldboy, Pacific Rim, R.I.P.D.... the list of awesome-looking movies coming out this year is nearly endless. But there are two that I am looking forward to above all others. This is the first...

Talk about boldly going where no Star Trek has gone before... Into Darkness looks amazing.

   
• Metal! And, numero dos... the ramp-up to Iron Man 3 is going to be excruciating. The new Super Bowl ad seems to indicate that the film will hit all the right notes...

Of course, after this installment, I'm just going to be pining away for Iron Man 4, so I guess it's always something.

   
And... time to take my busted body to bed.

As a television addict, there's three things that make me a homicidal mess.

1) Television networks canceling great shows before they have a chance to find an audience. 2) Television networks moving great shows around so people can't find them, then canceling them because of "low ratings." 3) TELEVISION COMMERCIALS THAT JACK THE VOLUME UP SO LOUD THAT YOUR TEETH ARE BLOWN BACK THROUGH YOUR FUCKING SKULL!!

Television advertisers are Grade-A assholes who want to grab your attention at any cost. Even if it means hearing loss. Is it any wonder people want to record shows on their DVR and fast-forward through the crap?

Well, today Congress approved legislation that will hopefully fix this annoying bullshit. The Commercial Advertising Loudness Mitigation (CALM) Act will force advertisers to adopt technology which prevents overly-loud commercials within one year. Now the bill lands on President Obama's desk so he can sign it into law.

And he had better fucking sign it.

If some Hollywood special interest group blows him so he'll take a pass, I will be very disappointed.

Very.

Next up on the bullshit list? DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME!