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Cliff

Posted on Wednesday, January 2nd, 2013

Dave!I would like to send a big "thank you" to Congress, The President, and all our elected officials for their hard work on coming to a deal to avoid the so-called "Fiscal Cliff." Totally excellent work, guys. You completely lived up to my lofty expectations. That extra money coming out of my paycheck each month? Totally fucking worth it. I'd recommend that everybody involved get a raise, but you've already given yourself one.

Who says that the American government is filled with useless pieces of shit who are more interested in salvaging their cushy careers and getting their hands on special interest money than serving the American people? Not me! My confidence is running high that we're on the right track now, and everything's going to be just awesome as we barrel forward into the future...

Lil' Dave and Bad Monkey Are Off the Cliff!

Thanks once again to the best government money can buy! You guys rock!

   

Melancholy

Posted on Friday, January 4th, 2013

Dave!

Dave Melancholy

   

   

Moolah

Posted on Saturday, January 5th, 2013

Dave!Five days in, and I can't say that 2013 is shaping up to be much of an improvement over 2012. But, then again, 2012 ultimately turned out okay for me, so I suppose this isn't a bad thing.

Deciding to take matters into my own hands, I sat down and tried to figure out what I have to do to make this year something better. A lot of things were written down... people... places... goals... changes... but, in the end, everything kept coming back to one thing...

Money.

If I had more money, I could do this.

If I had more money, I could change that.

If I had more money, I could have those.

If I had more money...

...well, everything would be better, wouldn't it?

Some people say money is the root of all evil. And it's been said that money can't buy happiness. But if there is one thing I'm sure of, it's that money has no conscience and money can indeed buy happiness. And much, much more...

Lil' Dave on a Pile Money

So, if you have a couple million dollars you're not using...

   

Seahawks!

Posted on Saturday, January 12th, 2013

Dave!Good luck tomorrow, guys!

Lil' Dave Says Go Seahawks

   

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Off

Posted on Tuesday, January 15th, 2013

Dave!And... something unexpected just came up.

Instead of blogging, I have to hop in my car and drive a lot.

DAVETOON: Lil' Dave Drives Angry

   

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Workday

Posted on Tuesday, January 22nd, 2013

Dave!Let's see how many 16-hour workdays I can manage before I die... shall we?

Lil' Dave Computing

Lil' Dave Computing Tired

Lil' Dave Computing Asleep

   

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Nada

Posted on Saturday, January 26th, 2013

Dave!Totally drawing a blank tonight.

Bad Monkey Draws a Blank

   

Having a blog about nothing in particular means that sometimes nothing in particular shows up.

   

Escalated

Posted on Friday, February 1st, 2013

Dave!When I woke up, there was a dull ache in my frontal lobe. I thought maybe I had smacked my head on the nightstand or something, and tried to ignore it.

By the time I got to work, the pain had escalated to something impossible to ignore, so medication was in order. Alas, it was over-the-counter medication which did absolutely nothing.

I lasted three hours before I couldn't take it any more. It was time to take my head home before I puked on my desk or something equally disturbing...

DAVETOON: Lil' Dave Head Explosion

And so here I am... too drugged up to concentrate on work, but not drugged up enough to sleep.

About all I'm good for is a quick blog entry, which is serendipitous, I suppose.

   

懐かしい

Posted on Saturday, February 9th, 2013

Dave!Some days...

Dave Missing

Ever feel like there's something missing, but you don't know what it is?

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DAVE 2013

Posted on Monday, February 11th, 2013

Dave!Back in 2005, I threw my tall hat into the ring to be considered for Supreme Pontiff of the Catholic Church. I don't know if you heard, but I was not elected, despite my astounding credentials.

Instead the The College of Cardinals elected Darth Benedict XVI, who went on to disgrace The Church and worked overtime to reverse much of the good will that Pope John Paul II worked so tirelessly to build with other faiths and the world.

Well, now that His Holiness has decided to resign, The College of Cardinals has a chance to rectify their poor judgement and make the choice they should have made all along...

Dave for Pope 2013

   
I hereby announce that once again I am putting forth my name for consideration to be elected Bishop of Rome, Vicar of Christ, Successor of the Prince of the Apostles, Supreme Pontiff of the Universal Church, Primate of Italy, Archbishop and Metropolitan of the Roman Province, Sovereign of the State of the Vatican City, and Servant of the Servants of God.

Partly because I think the PopeMobile would be a great way to pick up women... but mostly because I look great in really tall hats and a dress.

And I'm already infallible, so there's that.

So inform your priest... write to the bishop of your local diocese... contact your favorite cardinal... pray to The Almighty... and tell them all that DAVE IS MY POPE!

DAVE 2013!

   

Restless

Posted on Wednesday, February 20th, 2013

Dave!It's been a sucktastic week so far.

I really wish I could go into a com fora the rest of it, but I'll consider myself lucky if I can just get a couple of hours sleep tonight.

Lil' Dave Restless

   
And now in a totally unrelated topic... remember when Wheel of Fortune had a "Shopping Showcase" where the winner of a round could take their money and shop for absurd prizes?

Whatever happened to that? Without the Showcase thing, Wheel of Fortune is kinda boring.

   

Cardinal?

Posted on Thursday, February 28th, 2013

Dave!CGP Grey, whose fantastic videos I have posted here a number of times, made a new video just for me last week:

HOW TO BECOME POPE!

And now that Il Papa has left the building, and the position is officially available, I thought it important that I take a look...

Wow.

Okay, I'm pretty sure I can create a bishop vacancy... accidents happen all the time. Then I'm confident it's just a matter of a lot of money greasing the right palms to slide into a bishopship. No problem there, as Kickstarter was made for this kind of thing.

But becoming a cardinal?

The current Pope has to appoint me to cardinalship.

And he just retired, so that's a problem.

Maybe if I can just go all Mission: Impossible and eliminate a cardinal so I can impersonate him with a face-mask and get the rest of the cardinals to elect me Pope? I do look good in red...

Dave Cardinal

After impersonating a cardinal with a good chance at Pope, then getting the other cardinals to vote me Pope, I can then take the name Pope Dave Two the First. THEN I can go pray in private at the Sistine Chapel, remove my disguise, and emerge with my own face. Then I'll just convince everybody that God came down and re-made me in his image. Which should be simple thanks to my God-like visage.

Easy. LET'S MAKE THIS HAPPEN, PEOPLE!

But first, it's time to watch more CPG Grey videos. What a time-suck his YouTube Channel is...

Okay, now let's get to work...

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Paddy

Posted on Saturday, March 16th, 2013

Dave!Tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day.

Like every St. Patrick's Day, I'll find myself wanting to return to Ireland. I haven't been there since 2004 (to see the new Hard Rock Cafe), so I'm due. But I don't want to go until I have at least a week to explore the west coast, which is why that trip probably isn't going to happen any time soon. That makes me have the sads

Anyway... this is my favorite of all the St. Patrick's Day DaveToons. I'm repeating it because I doubt I could come up with anything better given that I've got about six shots of Jägermeister in me...

Monkeyclover

Hope yours is a happy one!

   

Preparations

Posted on Friday, March 22nd, 2013

Dave!Time to get ready for the weekend!

DAVETOON: Bad Monkey Packs a Suitcase full of Jägermeister

   

If you don't hear from me by Tuesday, alert the authorities.

   

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Equality

Posted on Tuesday, March 26th, 2013

Dave!Today's the day our Supreme Court gets to decide whether they are going to be on the right side of history.

I find it absurd that a country founded on personal freedoms is set up so that nine people are going to tell gays and lesbians whether or not they can marry the person they love, but here it is. They'll either decide that taxpaying gay Americans are equal citizens deserving of marriage... or they'll decide that a citizen's freedom to marry should be regulated by the government and it is the law, not love, which dictates who can or cannot be married.

What a load of crap. Because, honestly, why should anybody give a shit what two consenting adults do with their relationship? Marriage equality has been legal here in Washington State for months and you know what's changed? Gay people can get married... THAT'S IT! No straight couple has suddenly been told they can't get married any more. Nobody is being forced to get "gay married." The sky hasn't fallen. Life goes on.

Support Marriage Equality

Unless you're gay, marriage equality DOES NOT AFFECT YOU.

But equality for every American affects everybody. Here's hoping the Supreme Court is smart enough to see that.

   

Direction

Posted on Friday, April 5th, 2013

Dave!

I guess it really is all downhill from here.

Dave's Fast Wagon

   

Not much I can do but try and enjoy the ride.

   

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Weekend

Posted on Saturday, April 20th, 2013

Dave!I'm trying not to work all weekend.

DAVETOON: Bad Monkey and Beer

   

   

   

Toof

Posted on Tuesday, April 23rd, 2013

Dave!And so I broke my tooth.

I don't know how I did it, but I ended up with this sharp crag that kept jabbing my tongue and catching food. My dentist was out last week, so a stand-in dentist ground it down. This kept me from going insane while I was at Disneyland, but didn't solve the problem.

Today was the day for that.

When it comes to dental work, I can't even stand to get my teeth cleaned. So you can imagine how I react to tooth reconstruction. The stabbing. The numbness. The grinding. The scraping. It's all I can do to keep from screaming the whole time. Fortunately, I have a really good dentist, so it was over before I knew it.

The good news? My repaired tooth is beautiful. It fits my bite like a glove.

The bad news? Something is bruised inside my jaw. Once the anesthesia wore off, I was in really bad shape...

DAVETOON: Lil' Dave Toothache!

   
Luckily, I still have some Oxycodone left over from my last kidney stone, and it's doing a wonderful job of keeping me from jumping into oncoming traffic to get rid of the pain. I can only hope that whatever is killing me will get better overnight, because I do not have time for this...

Sweet Brown Says DAVE AIN'T GOT TIME FOR THAT!

Awwww! Who doesn't love Sweet Brown? Especially now that she's doing ads for a dentist!

And now I suppose I should take more prescription drugs and call it a day.

But first? Chocolate pudding.

   

Cartwheels

Posted on Friday, April 26th, 2013

Dave!After three days, I'm finally starting to feel better. Not that I'll be doing cartwheels in my living room or anything...

DAVETOON: Lil' Dave does a cartwheel

   

   

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Fourth!

Posted on Saturday, May 4th, 2013

Dave!Happy Star Wars Day!

Which would be a lot more fun if I had internet. Oh well.

Darth Monkey

   

Darth Monkey would say "May the Fourth be with you"... but they don't do that on the Dark Side.

   

Cinco

Posted on Sunday, May 5th, 2013

Dave!Happy Cinco de Mayo! Hopefully you're somewhere drinking way too much while having the time of your life. Meanwhile I'm sitting on my couch working while the internet keeps fading in and out.

It's a real party.

Or could be, if I had some tequila...

Salt and Lime

In any event, NO BULLET SUNDAY FOR YOU! It'll have to wait until tomorrow when (hopefully) I'll have my internet fixed.

   

Off

Posted on Thursday, May 9th, 2013

Dave!Tomorrow I'm heading to the East Coast for one day.

Well, technically, it's three days... one to get there... one to work... then one to get back.

Or I suppose I am actually flying to the East Coast for two hours, which is about how long my work will take me. After that, I'm just goofing off to kill time.

In any event, there are some things that emails, video chats, and overnight delivery can't fix, so off I go...

DAVETOON: Bad Monkey is Packing Lil' Dave into a Suitcase

And there goes my weekend.

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Cicada!

Posted on Thursday, May 23rd, 2013

Dave!I am not a big fan of bugs. It's not like I faint when I see them or anything... it's just that I prefer not to be around them. Unless I am at a zoo. And there is glass between me and the bugs.

So you can imagine my horror at having to research bugs when I need to draw them. And it happens more often than you'd think... most recently for issues of THRICE Fiction magazine. At first I'm always my usual squeamish self but, after looking at a few hundred photos of the little devils close-up, I start to appreciate their beauty. Often times they have features unlike anything else you can find on earth and it's not hard to appreciate this kind of artistry on such a small scale.

But I digress.

We've reached the time that a bizarre insect known as the cicada starts making one of their rare appearances. After seventeen years underground, they dig their way to the surface where they molt, eat, mate, then die... by the bazillions. We don't have cicadas here in my little corner of Washington State, but I've seen a cicada bloom before. It's pretty much "bugageddon," and the things are crawling everywhere... all while making crazy levels of noise. It's pretty creepy even if you aren't afraid of bugs. Fortunately it only lasts a couple weeks.

When my writer-friend (and frequent THRICE Fiction contributor) Susan Tepper mentioned that she was sweeping them off her home, a "Cicada Challenge" was born, and I had to draw her a picture of one.

I always thought that a poor cicada who spends seventeen years underground waiting for sex would be a little mental when it's finally time to dig his way out, so I gave him crazy eyes...

Cicada Crazy!

   

Along with the drawing, I also wrote this poem for Susan...

            Fifteen years and two I'm sleeping
            Dreaming of the day I'm leaping
            Now it's time to start the humping
            But before I get to jumping
            I dig, I molt, I eat, I'm singing
            Looking for a date I'm springing
            Crunch
            Crunch
            Crunch
            Now I'm dead my shell is crushing
            Susan's broom and deadly brushing
            All those years of patient waiting
            Biding time 'til I start mating
            No chance now for happy screwing
            A lust for love was my undoing
   
            I should have stayed in bed

   
   

And now I can put cicadas behind me. Well, for seventeen years anyway.

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STANLEY!!!

Posted on Monday, June 24th, 2013

Dave!CONGRATULATIONS BLACKHAWKS ON YOUR STANLEY CUP WIN!!

DAVETOON: Lil' Dave in a Blackhawks Jersey

   

I wish I was in Chicago right now. :-(

Oh... wait a second... deja vu.

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Done?

Posted on Thursday, June 27th, 2013

Dave!Nope. Not yet.

DAVETOON: LIFE IS AWESOME!

   

   

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Teams

Posted on Friday, June 28th, 2013

Dave!Kapgar was talking about the Stanley Cup's triumphant return to Chicago in his blog post today, and it got me to thinking back to how I became a Blackhawks fan. That, in turn, got me thinking about how I became a fan of all the league sports teams that I follow.

A blog post was born. Thanks, Kevin!

   

Boston Red Sox Baseball

Lil' Dave Loves Red Sox

Baseball is hands-down my favorite sport. It was the only game I liked playing as a kid (even though I really could't play) and I love watching it. Baseball just seems more intimate and personal for some reason, and it's easier to feel a relationship with the players than with any other sport. When your team loses, it hurts because you're invested with those nine players. The first pro team I rooted for was my "hometown" Seattle Mariners, which were enfranchised when I was 11 years old. That lasted until I was in my mid-teens and was given an brand new Orioles jersey as a gift (probably because somebody didn't want it). I didn't know a darn thing about the Orioles, but I liked the shirt a lot. That was apparently enough for me to become a fan, and it didn't hurt that the Orioles were an amazing team back in the early 80's. But, truth to be told, I was never really into professional baseball growing up. I'd rather watch a high school game than a League team, and I was a "fan" of the Mariners and Orioles only in the vaguest possible terms.

And then it happened.

While I was in college, I had to read the book Shoeless Joe for some class or another. It provided an insight into baseball and the love of the game that completely captivated me. A key story-point to the book was the "Black Sox" scandal that rocked the world of baseball in 1919. It was such a fascinating story that I became a little obsessed with it, and ended up reading a lot about the sport. Fortunately, there were no shortage of books about America's favorite pastime, and one book lead to another... then another... then another... until I landed on a Ted Williams biography. This lead to a run on Boston greats, starting with Cy Young, which lead to Smoky Joe Wood, which lead inevitably to Babe Ruth... and his infamous trade from the Red Sox to the Yankees, which caused a curse that plagued the team for over eight decades. This eventually led me to become interested in pro baseball, in general, and the Red Sox, in particular. Then the movie Field of Dreams (based on the novel Shoeless Joe) was unleashed, became my favorite movie of all time, and instilled a love of Major League baseball in me that I never had before... but felt as if it had been with me my entire life. I've been a die-hard Red Sox fan ever since. I love the team. I love the history. I love the fans. I love Boston. And I love Red Sox catcher Jarrod Saltalamacchia (probably a little too much). SALTALAMACCHIA!!!

   

Chicago Blackhawks Hockey

DAVETOON: Lil' Dave in a Blackhawks Jersey

Hockey is not a big sport where I live, so I never really "discovered" it until I started traveling to Milwaukee for work in the mid 90's. I went to a couple Admirals games and was instantly hooked. The problem being that the Admirals are not a NHL team, so they were kind of hard to follow when I was not in Wisconsin. Eventually my fandom traveled down the shore of Lake Michigan to the Blackhawks when I started traveling to Chicago for work in 1998. I've been a fan ever since. I don't really keep up the League standings, but I have news alerts set for the Hawks so I can watch games and keep up with the team. Hockey remains one of my favorite sports to watch, so a Stanley Cup win for Chicago is a big deal to me after following the team from afar for 15 years. GO HAWKS!

   

Seattle Sonics Basketball

Sonics Squatch Mascot
Sonics mascot SQUATCH!! Photo credit unknown.

Basketball is another spectator sport I enjoy because, like hockey, it's fast-paced and action-packed. The only team I've ever rooted for is my "hometown" Seattle SuperSonics, and I have more than a couple fond memories of traveling to Seattle Center Coliseum (later named Key Arena) to cheer on the team. Of course we all know how that turned out. Our team was sold to Tulsa and basketball died in Seattle. I haven't bothered to find a new team to follow since. INTERESTING FACT: Seattle Center Coliseum has the dubious honor of being the only venue where a basketball game was rained out. Back in 1986 a rainstorm was so severe that water started pouring through the roof and the game was forfeited. It's also the venue where The Beatles played in their two tours of Seattle in 1964 and 1966.

   

New York Liberty Women's Basketball

I'm not going to candy-coat this... for the longest time, I had -zero- interest in women's sports, thinking that they would be a pale imitation of the real thing. That all changed when I was taken to a New York Liberty game in Newark. These ladies played their guts out, and I got to see a fantastic game that opened my eyes to the fact that women can bring it to the court every bit as dedicated as men. I am not an avid Liberty fan, but check in from time to time to see how they're doing and what's new with the roster. Since the Sonics are gone, I keep hoping I'll find time to take in some Seattle Storm WNBA games and maybe get interested in pro basketball again, but no luck so far.

   

Seattle Seahawks Gridiron Football

Lil' Dave Says Go Seahawks

I find football kinda boring, so I'm not invested enough to have a team. If I were, it would be my "hometown" Seattle Seahawks. Probably because I was there in the beginning. Back in 1976 the NFL expansion granted Seattle a team, and it was an exciting time to be a Washingtonian. Seahawks were everywhere, and I remember collecting player posters from the backs of Lay's potato chips boxes (yes, potato chips used to come 2-small bags to a box back in the day). Players like quarterback Jim Zorn and wide receiver Steve Largent that were elevated to local heroes, and their charisma and enthusiasm for the team made it impossible not to root for the Seahawks. But, as I said, I'm not a big football fan, so any love I have for the team comes out of nostalgia more than anything else.

   

Arsenal Football

With apologies to my friends who are either Manchester United or Chelsea fans... Nick Hornby's novel, Fever Pitch, got me rooting for Arsenal first. The ultimate irony being that when the American movie version of Fever Pitch was made, the sports-obsessed character was a Boston Red Sox fan. Whenever I can find sports highlights for Arsenal, I'm sure to tune it, and I follow their stats every season.

   

Cronulla Sharks Australian Water Polo

When I was traveling around Australia, I saw a T-shirt for the Cronulla-Sutherland Sharks Football Club. The logo was awesome (SHARK EXTREME!!!), but the shirt didn't come in my size, so I was bummed. When I got back to my hotel I Googled the team to see if there was a way to order a shit through the mail. Somehow, I ended up NOT on a Cronulla Sharks football page, but a Cronulla Sharks water polo page. Other than a vague recollection of water polo being an important Olympic sport, I didn't know much about the game and was curious. After some digging, I ran across internet video and was amazed. Water polo has to be one of the most difficult and grueling sports in existence. It's also a lot of fun to watch. And so I tune into water polo from time to time whenever I run across it on my television. I also keep up with both the Women's and Men's Cronulla Sharks teams because they were what started it all for me.

   

Sadly I haven't decided on a professional curling team to watch, so I guess that's the end?

   

Deadly

Posted on Saturday, June 29th, 2013

Dave!I'm now mostly dead.

Which is understandable considering I just got finished with a seventeen-hour work day.

Lil' Dave is Three-Quarters-Dead

   

What I need now Is a vacation.

But that's a few weeks away yet. Darnit.

   

Bullet Sunday 336

Posted on Sunday, June 30th, 2013

Dave!Time to pick up that mint julep... because Bullet Sunday starts now...

   
• Gone! For my first bullet, I'd like to thank Google for the big "fuck you" they drop tomorrow when they kill off Google Reader. It's great how you blow into town with some essential tool and dominate the entire market after killing off the competition... then abandon that market when you can't exploit it for millions of dollars. Way to be "not evil." Next up... Feed Burner?

   
• Gone Too! Just to show that Google doesn't have a monopoly in killing off services... Yahoo! is killing off a dozen products, including Alta Vista on July 8th, which was my go-to search engine back in the 1990's. Yahoo! says that you should now "Please visit Yahoo Search for all of your searching needs"... but my guess is that this will actually mean more search traffic for Google. Oh well. Another piece of internet history to be gone and forgotten.

   
• Schadenfreude! I try to be respectful of other people's beliefs and opinions... honestly I do. But the outpouring of hand-wringing over the repeal of DOMA and striking down of Prop 8 is just too delicious to ignore. Because, seriously, if you don't accept same-sex marriage, THEN DON'T MARRY SOMEBODY OF THE SAME SEX! There's really nothing more to be said on the matter, BECAUSE WHETHER OR NOT OTHER PEOPLE GET MARRIED DOESN'T AFFECT YOU! Apparently Justice Kennedy agrees, having denied an application to halt marriages in California.

DAVETOON: NO H8

The people yelling the loudest seem to be the people who make money from fighting against equality, which isn't really surprising. When you fail utterly in your job... bigoted as it may be... I suppose you have cause to be upset.

   
• Haunted! As a huge fan of visionary musician Trent Reznor (aka Nine Inch Nails) and visionary director David Lynch, the idea of them teaming up for a music video seems too good to be true. And now, after having seen their effort for Come Back Haunted, I know it was too good to be true. What a boring, predictable, and sadly expected video. Rather than looking like something cutting-edge and new, it reeks of all the "nihilistic" videos that were unleashed after the amazing opening credits for the movie SE7EN happened. This is made all the more sad when you consider that the song used in those opening credits was Closer... by Trent Reznor. So I just don't know. Was this meant to be some kind of homage? A parody perhaps? Some kind of commentary on all those who think intermixing shaky camera moves with disturbing images is still edgy? Lynch had a real opportunity here to take us in a new direction, and we get something that would have looked dated ten years ago. Maybe in another ten years he'll go techno-speed-nihilistic and give us a parody of the US credits from The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo?

   
• Here! And now we're to the part of Bullet Sunday where I offer up this bit of 80's Thompson Twins genius, courtesy of Sixteen Candles, just because it's there...

They don't make teen angst movies like that anymore.

   
• Rest in Peace. As somebody who lives in a fire zone and has been threatened by wildfires more than once, my heart goes out to the friends and family of the "Granite Mountain Hotshots," 19 of whom perished in a horrific fire northwest of Phoenix...

Granite Mountain Hotshots

UPDATE: The Free Republic has an article remembering this elite team of firefighters.

   
And... back to work. I think I can still get in another two or three hours before I pass out.

   

CanaDay

Posted on Monday, July 1st, 2013

Dave!Ooh! Today was Canada Day!

Apparently "Canada Day" is declared as such because July 1st is the anniversary date of the day when three North American colonies were super-glued together to form "Canada" in 1867. It seems a little unfair that there's no USA Day today. Instead we get Independence Day in three days and a newspaper called USA Today. I guess that's a fair trade.

Monkeycanada

Anyway...

In honor of The Great White North's special day, I've decided to re-print my "Canada Travel Journal" from 2009. Which, in turn, is a re-print of a guest-post I made for my Canadian compadre, LeSombre (whose blog is apparently down right now?).

And so, without further ado, here's my trips to Canada...

  • My first trip to Canada was escorting the Chelan County Fair Royalty to a parade up in Penticton, BC where the motto of the town is “A Place to Stay Forever.” Since I left after two days, I find their motto to be a bit deceptive. My biggest thrill was seeing the infamous sea monster “Ogopogo” in Lake Okanagan. NOTE: At least it was my biggest thrill until somebody told me that it was a piece of wood floating in the water.
  • My next trip to Canada was to visit World Expo 86 in Vancouver with my mother and brother. It was very educational and I learned many things. NOTE: The US Border Patrol doesn't ask any questions after learning that you have your mother in the car with you. Thus the most important thing I learned was a sure-fire way to smuggle drugs across the border, assuming your mother likes road trips.
  • My next trip to Canada was to visit World Expo 86 with my friends. I drank too much and ended up with blurry pictures of somebody's bare ass on my camera. The ass may or may not have been mine. NOTE: One thing is for certain, I never went back to that One-Hour-Photo again.
  • My next trip to Canada was for a friend's bachelor party in Vancouver. I drank too much, went to no less than six strip clubs, was mistaken for a terrorist, got kicked in the balls, passed out in a motor home, and was very nearly detained by the US Border Patrol trying to get back into the country. NOTE: Do not joke about having girls in the back of your Winnebago when you're asked if you have anything to declare.
  • My next six or seven trips to Canada were to strip clubs in Vancouver. I drank too much, but enjoyed the scenery every time. NOTE: Back in the early nineties, the US Dollar was actually worth something. So much so that your lap-dancer was happy to throw a little something extra your way if you tipped in American currency. Those were the days.
  • My next trip was to the Hard Rock Cafes in Whistler and Vancouver before they closed, AND to try McPizza at McDonalds, which was only available in Canada at the time. I drank too much, lost my wallet, and was very nearly detained by the US Border Patrol trying to get back into the country. NOTE: Do not say “I went to McCanada for McPizza at McDonalds” when asked for the reason you went to Canada… even if it is true. Especially when all you have for identification is a crappy fax of your birth certificate with your license number scrawled in pink marker at the bottom.
  • My next trip was to finish up visits to the remaining Hard Rock Cafes in Kanata, Toronto, Niagara Falls, Ottawa, and Montreal in 2001. I drank too much, fell in love with Ottawa, made a very unfortunate joke to a US Border Patrol agent, and was detained for an hour while crossing to see Niagara Falls on the US side. NOTE: The US Border Patrol has no sense of humor, especially when said humor concerns a newly-elected president George W. Bush, and an observation comparing American Bush to Canadian Beaver (I, however, found it to be hilarious).
  • My next trip to Canada was to Toronto with my then-girlfriend. I drank too much. Period. NOTE: If you want your girlfriend to break up with you, a drunken adventure in Toronto will do the trick.
  • My last trip to Canada was to beautiful Victoria Island, BC with my sister in 2003. We both drank too much, were kicked out of a bar for not understanding the “cannot order alcohol without the intent of eating food” law, were kicked out of another bar for an unfortunate incident involving small plastic animals we were collecting from the drinks we were ordering, then got dissed by our waiter while having Afternoon High Tea at The Fairmont Empress Hotel where we were staying. Apparently, it is “inappropriate” to have fun while drinking tea there, as they are really frackin' serious about drinking tea. I had no problems entering the US, but did get sick on the Clipper Ferry back to Seattle. NOTE: A boat is probably not the best way to travel with a hangover.

I've since been to Canada a few times. That I can remember. The latest being a cruise stop in Victoria in 2009... and TequilaCon Vancouver in 2010. Good times. Good times.

So congrats to our neighbor to the north, and here's to many happy Canada Days to come.

   

Prep H

Posted on Wednesday, July 3rd, 2013

Dave!The past several days have been extremely difficult for me on many levels.

Which is why waking up to a very nice email first thing in the morning was enough to have me walking on air all day.

The letter was from "somebody you don't know" who wrote to thank me for keeping Blogography going, then tell me that today he removed a DaveToon from his cubical at work that had been hanging there ever since I first posted it to my blog over four years ago.

I was a little confused as to why he would write to me about REMOVING a cartoon I made... until I followed the link in his email and saw this...

Repealeighthate

All I could say in return was "Thanks so much. I'm sorry you had to wait this long... even sorrier I had to draw it in the first place."

Which is hardly adequate, but I meant every word.

   

‘Murica

Posted on Thursday, July 4th, 2013

Dave!Happy birthday you big, beautiful, crazy bastard.

American Monkey

   

Thanks for the apple pie.

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Antibacterial

Posted on Thursday, July 11th, 2013

Dave!Probably not a good idea to watch a documentary on germs, viruses, and diseases before traveling.

Bad Monkey Packs a Suitcase Full of Purell

   

And... back to packing.

   

Infected

Posted on Saturday, August 17th, 2013

Dave!I woke up underwater this morning.

Well, not really... but for a second as I awoke I thought I was underwater.

Specifically, I thought I was underwater in Fiji. And when my eyes opened I fully expected that I'd be surrounded by dolphins, which is my strongest memory from visiting there.

Alas, I wasn't in the South Pacific after all, which started my day on a depressing note. And then I noticed that the finger I stabbed a couple days ago was throbbing and the area around the wound was swollen. Oh yay, an infection. Nothing quite like going from thinking you're in Fiji... to slicing your finger back open so you can clean it out and pack it with antibiotics.

Unless it's going from thinking you're in Fiji... to slicing open your infected finger... to eating the wrong combination of foods and ending up battling diarrhea all morning...

Dave Toilet

Good times. Good times.

Needless to say, my work day was severely hampered. Instead of going into work I ended up attempting to work from home all day, barely making a dent on the pile of crap I have to get done.

Now I'm exhausted and needing to get some sleep. Not willing to risk a night of insomnia-as-usual, I decided to take sleeping pills.

Fiji awaits...

   

Smokey

Posted on Wednesday, August 21st, 2013

Dave!Thank heavens the fires didn't start in June.

This is so not fun.

DAVETOON: Lil' Dave Caught in Smokey Air

   

You'd think after the years of non-stop summer fires there wouldn't be anything left to burn.

   

Sanitation

Posted on Saturday, August 24th, 2013

Dave!I've written and re-written a blog post in a futile attempt to sanitize it enough for public consumption, but it just ain't happening.

Everything starts out okay, but ultimately degenerates into a profanity-fueled tirade where I go completely off the rails.

And so I'm giving up.

Throwing in the towel.

Taking the high road...

DAVETOON: Bad Monkey contemplates taking the high road

No guarantees for tomorrow.

   

Engulfed

Posted on Wednesday, September 4th, 2013

Dave!The stupid. It burns.

But not if you burn it first...

Die Clown!

   
At this point I pretty much want to set the entire world on fire.

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Transitional

Posted on Tuesday, November 12th, 2013

Dave!The weather here has reached a transitional phase between Fall and Winter. It's not cold enough to snow so you get this kind of dreary, cold drizzling rain that makes your days depressing and grey. Add that to the fact that it starts getting dark around 4:00, and it's not a happy time of year for me. Today was even more of a bummer than usual because there was a fire somewhere that filled the air with smoke.

Not a great start to my Tuesday.

Dave Rainy Cold

But don't worry. Things got much worse.

Tags: ,
Categories: DaveToons 2013Click To It: Permalink  2 Comments: Click To Add Yours!  

   

Thankfully

Posted on Thursday, November 28th, 2013

Dave!Not a good day to be a tasty bird.

But is there a good day to be a tasty bird?

   

DaveToon: Turkey Peace

   

   

And, to my Jewish friends... Happy Hanukkah!

Stay safe out there everybody.

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Merry!

Posted on Wednesday, December 25th, 2013

Dave!If you celebrate the holiday, I hope you have a Merry Christmas!

If not, have a great December 25th!

Monkey Christmas!

   
And no matter what holiday you call your own this season, thanks for dropping by!

Tags: ,
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Box!

Posted on Thursday, December 26th, 2013

Dave!Happy Boxing Day to all who celebrate it!

I'd wish you all a Happy St. Stephen's Day, but why should the "War on Christmas" stop at Christmas? Surely we can drum up enough imaginary drama to drag the battle out a few more days?

DAVETOON: Bad Monkey with boxing gloves saying Happy Boxing Day

And now? Pudding time.

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