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Sonos is Killing Sonos and It Deserves to Die

Posted on June 14th, 2024

Dave!Another day another way Sonos is screwing their customers. I am so fucking sick and tired of this shit.

First Sonos forces you to upgrade to a new piece of shit controller app that's missing features and is badly unintuitive. But they dumped it on us before it was ready so they could release a new pair of headphones that requires it. And while I can forgive a lot, having to constantly wait for playlists to load is driving me up the fucking wall. This is what I see ALL THE FUCKING TIME NOW...

Fuck Sonos

And it gets worse. Playlists constantly, unrelentingly pause to buffer. If you've got a lot of songs in a list, scrolling is absolute agony...

Fuck Sonos

I'm guessing this is because you can no longer control your speakers locally, and have to go out on the internet through the shitty fucking Sonos servers to access the shitty fucking speaker sitting in the same room with you.

Then today it was revealed that Sonos removed the line from their user agreement saying that they won't sell your data. It's still in the agreements outside of the USA but, because this fucking country cares more about corporations than people, Americans get fucked by Sonos. Again.

So what's next? Sonos starts charging you a subscription fee to use their idiotic fucking app that's required to control the speakers you bought? At this rate, it seems not only possible, but expected.

Sonos should be forced to allow local control of their gear by consumer protections... because that's how it was when we bought it. Now it's just an internet device that puts you at the whim of Sonos's fucking stupidity, and I would have never signed up for that.

   

You Can Clock It On An Egg Timer

Posted on May 15th, 2024

Dave!Harrison Butker, a kicker for the Kansas City Chiefs, delivered a commencement speech at Benedictine College this past Saturday. He's a hardcore regressive Catholic. Benedictine College is a Catholic college. So it should shock absolutely nobody that Butker unleashed a grotesque missive that was steeped in everything from misogyny, antisemitism, and homophobic bigotry to COVID misinformation, toxic masculinity, and general hatred of anybody who dares to not share his "values." He also decided to take a jab Taylor Swift (who's regarded as nothing more than "a teammate's girlfriend"), for which I can only hope that her boyfriend kicks him in the fucking dick.

No, people shouldn't have been at all shocked. And yet shock people he did.

Do I think it was crass that this asshole would stand up in front of young women who have worked long and hard to graduate from college only to tell them that until they are wives and mothers their lives don't mean shit and their entire purpose is to be barefoot and pregnant? Of course I do. But what did everybody think that he was going to say? That's Christian female gender roles in a nutshell.

Do I think it was disgusting that he would take jabs at the LGBTQ community with his "deadly sin pride" bullshit and prop up toxic masculinity by telling men to fight against ideas and people he doesn't consider culturally "masculine" enough? Absolutely. Gotta be an alpha-male for Jesus!

And am I even remotely surprised that it's now being brought to light that Butker hooked up with a male cheerleader at Georgia Tech when he went there? Oh fuck no. That's the easiest thing to believe out of any of this. History has shown us again and again that the harder a homophobic bigot attacks the LGBTQ community, the more skeletons they have in their own rainbow-painted closet. They're always compensating for something...

UPDATE: And of course TikTok removes the video. Butker can drone on with his homophobic, misogynistic, antisemitic bullshit no problem... but anybody dare to retort to that and it's REMOVED FOR BULLYING TIME! Well, the internet is forever, so if your browser can support video embeds...

The minute Harrison Butker came for the gays, it was only a matter of time until we found out why. I'm just surprised it took this long. Usually you can clock the tea on an egg timer.

Oh well. Here's hoping that Harrison Butker gets the life he deserves.

Which of course includes Travis Kelce kicking him in the fucking dick.

   

Once Again Into The Sonos Shitshow

Posted on May 7th, 2024

Dave!Just when I think that I couldn't hate Sonos more than I already do... they unleash this new shitty fucking app that's somehow even shittier than their previous shitty fucking app.

Why in the hell can't they hire a UI designer who actually knows how to craft a useable UI? Because I've only been using this heinous blight on all humanity for two hours and I've found so much wrong as to make me wonder what the fuck they're even doing.

  • Does the widget at the bottom reflect what's actually being played? Fuck no. It shows the song you first selected, then never updates again. So far as I can tell, there's no way to see what's actually playing. Unless you stop, select a new track, then play that (oh... turns out you can update the widget... all you have to do is FORCE QUIT THE APP AND RELOAD IT! Then the widget will update from what's playing. So handy!).
  • Can you arrange your favorites? Fuck no. Pin your favorites? Fuck no. You even have to dump the fuck OUT of your favorites to even get to where your playlists are at (unless it happens to somehow be one of the ten things that can be displayed on your home screen. Can you fucking imagine having to load something you don't want to get to something you need? Who the fuck thought that was the best way to arrange any of this? There's no configuring ANYTHING.
  • Are items in your favorites handy to use? Fuck no. I have songs on there that I tap to play... AND NOTHING FUCKING HAPPENS! Some songs will play. Some won't. Is there any way of finding out why that is? Of course there fucking isn't.
  • But surely the interface for controlling your music is easy to use since that's the whole fucking point of the app? Fuck no. Half the time when you click on a song for info or whatever, it will start playing even though that wasn't your intent. But there's no ellipsis to click on (...) so you assume that you click to interact with it... except that doesn't work, and you've just fucked everything up for nothing.
  • But alarms? Fuck no. But sleep timer? Fuck no.
  • And did they finally give us a useable search? Fuck no. Search is ungodly slow (EVERYTHING IS UNGODLY SLOW! Wait for your playlist to load. Wait for your songs to display. Wait for the next batch to load as you scroll. And wait to load. And wait to load. And wait to load). Even worse, you can't make the blanket search results default to your service of choice. If you want to only search Apple Music every time? TOUGH FUCKING SHIT! You either have to select the service first, then search... or you get to search EVERYWHERE EVERY TIME... then wait for the app to go non-responsive while it searches for shit on services you DON'T WANT... then you can select Apple Music (or whatever). NOTE TO SONOS: I don't want to listen to Sonos Radio EVER! How do I erase your fucking radio shit off my list?? Can I even do that? I can sure as fuck remove EVERY OTHER SERVICE.... why not yours? Does anybody even use it? Do you think shoving it the fuck down people's throats will make them want to use it?
  • But surely it's easy to do simple shit like add a song you find to a playlist? Fuck no. I don't even think it's possible to add a song you searched for to a playlist. At least not that I can find. I have to go to the desktop app to do that (even though Sonos is discontinuing it... who the fuck knows what you do after the desktop app is gone).
  • Can you at least inject music into your queue by clicking "play next?" Fuck no. You can't do FUCKING SHIT to your queue. You can't add songs... rearrange songs... remove songs... NOTHING!!
  • Using this app begs the question... is there an upper limit to how many fucking layers of sheets you can pile up? Just curious, because absolutely everything you do generates a new sheet, and you have to swipe down on EVERY FUCKING ONE OF THEM to get back home. Click on the widget to get more info, new sheet... click on the queue, new sheet... click on a track to get info, new sheet... this app has more fucking sheets than a fucking klan rally. And when you want to go back? SWIPE TO CLOSE! SWIPE TO CLOSE! SWIPE TO CLOSE! SWIPE TO CLOSE! Jesus Christ, just give us a fucking home button for God's sake.
  • Apple has had Dynamic Island on iPhone for a minute. But does Sonos use it so you have a convenient way to get to your speakers or interact with what's playing? OH FUCK NO! OF COURSE THEY FUCKING DON'T! Haven't you been paying attention? If there's a smart UI decision, Sonos actively avoids it like the fucking plague.

I'm dying to know: Does ANYBODY at Sonos actually listen to fucking music using this piece of shit? Who would want this? Pathetic. Fucking pathetic. After waiting YEARS to get an app update that's worth a shit... then getting this fucking disaster... I'm ready to throw all my Sonos gear in the front yard, douse it with gasoline, and light the fuckers up. I'd rather listen to music on a fucking iPod mini than suffer through this idiot shitshow any longer. It's just fucking inconceivable that this is where Sonos is at. Will they fix all the shit that's broken, unclear, and missing? Maybe. But shouldn't they have beta tested the app before releasing it? Well, it's Sonos. It took them a fucking YEAR to release a fix for the Pop of Death on the Arc soundbar, and I'm still not convinced that it's totally fixed because I am still having problems. So you do the math. Shake that Magic 8-Ball and the answer always seems to be "Not fucking likely."

If you're thinking of buying Sonos gear, you should take a fucking pass. A hard pass. If things keep going like this, they're not going to be around much longer anyway.

UPDATES!

Before I get to some more thoughts about this shit... can I just give a shoutout to all the people saying "Relax, it's version 1 and things will get fixed" and "Relax, it works just fine for me!" Fuck you. There are BASIC FUNCTIONS THAT ARE SERIOUSLY BROKEN OR MISSING! If I had the option of downgrading to the old app, then I'd say "Well that was bad!" and be able to relax. But I can't. And goody for you if it works for you... that doesn't fucking negate the problems that everybody else is having. Take several seats and be happy that your whole system didn't go down and all the basic features other people use are something you don't give a shit about.

But anyway...

On the Sonos site they have a feature list which shows all kinds of options you get when you click on a track...

ALL THE OPTIONS ARE THERE!

But what do I get? Save to favorites (which may or may not play when clicked on) and replace the entire fucking queue. That's it...

NOTHING IS THERE!

I can only guess that all those other basic features aren't working, and rather than getting it all fixed before release, Sonos decided to shove out an incomplete fucking app with no way to go back to the old app which, while shitty, allowed all of this.

One of the biggest complaints by others is that they can no longer see music on their local network storage. Support for this has been dropped completely. This is nonsensical in all kinds of ways, but fortunately I get around it by having Plex manage my media, and Plex is actually showing up and working (despite having a red exclamation point in the button with absolutely no explanation). Sonos's response seems to be "Don't you even stream, bro?" which has left a great many users thrilled, as you can imagine.

A minor annoyance... whenever I go to System Settings, I fly into a panic because I think a bunch of my gear has gone missing from the system. My room will show "Stereo Pair" which is normal because there's two speakers joined into a stereo pair there. But my living room will show "Arc" and that's it. It used to be "Arc + Surrounds + Sub" or something like that. I wish that they would go back to that. With so many people losing equipment out of the app, I'd really prefer not to get assaulted with this incomplete info.

When you opened up the Sonos app away from your home network in the past, you'd get a message that said something like "Searching for your Sonos network." Now, this doesn't happen. Assumably because Sonos is all about internet connectivity for some reason. And that would be fine... except it doesn't reflect the current state of your devices back home. According to the widget, Karma by Taylor Swift is playing in my bedroom. The little bouncing equalizer icon is bouncing... and I am given the option to pause what's being played. Except nothing is actually being played. Which is why this whole internet connectivity fiasco is so fucking ridiculous. It appears that EVERYTHING goes out on the internet, even when you're at home. That's why it takes forever for shit to load. And why when you scroll through your queue it has to keep pausing and loading... pausing and loading... pausing and loading. I suppose that Sonos could justify this huge fucking waste of time if they could point to the app and say "SURE IT'S SLOW! BUT YOU CAN CONTROL YOUR SYSTEM FROM ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD!" Except you can't. It gives wrong information and none of the controls even work.

To actually control your system remotely, you have to use the internet and login at http://play.sonos.com. This will be the only option available on desktop computers once Sonos kills the desktop apps, so you'd think that the web app would be fucking killer, right? Yeah... you'd think that. Except the web app is just as fucking useless and broken as the phone app. It is equally slow with a lot of waiting around for things to load. Even if you're sitting in the same fucking room as your speaker, since the controls have to go out onto the internet, visit the Sonos servers, then come back to you. No option for local network control. But it gets worse. Remember how I was mentioning that search on the iPhone app if fucking abhorrent? Somehow the web app is even worse. At least in the iPhone app you can select the service you want to search. But if you select a service in the web app, there's no search bar on the service sheet. You are forced to use the universal search bar to search all services (including Sonos fucking Radio that they won't let you fucking delete no matter how badly you want to)...

NO SEARCH FOR YOU!

It's been well-established that I fucking loathe Sonos and don't recommend their bullshit... even if you find their gear on clearance. At least right now. But there's a few things that Sonos can do which would at least make things tolerable...

  • Bring back the old app until you can get a workable new app. That should be a fucking given... especially when your initial release is missing a shitload of features and half the stuff is broken... but since it's not a given, you need to give people the option of reinstating the old version ASAP.
  • Keep your shitty new UI with its endless sheets and incomprehensible navigation if you must, but have it stay on the local network instead of going out on the internet. There's no benefit to this. Nobody wants to have their bedroom speaker play the Macarena while they're across the country or on the other side of the planet. Not only is it fucking stupid, it slows everything down to an absolute crawl. The app is unbearable to use it's so fucking slow.
  • Even better? HIRE A FUCKING TALENTED UI/UX DESIGNER WHO KNOWS HOW TO DESIGN A FUCKING APP! Jesus. This should be app creation 101. And you'd think it would be given how people railed you for the shitty design of your old app! But here's the thing... as bad as it was, I find myself longing for the old app. Sure it was a mess, but it was fast and reliable. And that's more important than how it works. By a longshot.
  • Stop sitting on shit endlessly. You took fucking forever to develop a new app (such as it is). You took fucking forever to fix the Pop of Death in the Arc. You took fucking forever to adopt HDMI. You take fucking forever for EVERYTHING! Companies who can't be responsive really don't have much hope long-term. Other companies invade your space while people wait. Better options come while people wait. You can't afford to laze around as you always have. Which is to say... FIX THIS FUCKING APP AND ALL ITS FUCKING BUGS AND ALL ITS FUCKING PROBLEMS NOW!! NOT NEXT MONTH... NOT A YEAR FROM TODAY... FUCKING NOW! And don't blame us because it's become so urgent. Had you not released a buggy pile of shit with no downgrade path, you could have taken all the time you needed. But now? Well... it's all on you.

But given Sonos's history, I am holding out zero hope that anything gets resolved quickly... if at all. They have long since stopped giving a fuck about their products, their reputation, and their customers.

   

Free Free Free Free

Posted on February 13th, 2024

Dave!I have been hearing that I'd be able to file my taxes for free for as long as I've been paying my fucking taxes. But of course it will never come to pass because even though this has been a bipartisan issue from the beginning, Intuit buys off the government so that they keep getting to rake in our fucking money.

I had heard that there was going to be a new effort to come up with a free government alternative, but of course Republicans are now doing their level best to torpedo it by cutting the IRS budget because I guess the payola they get is just too good. Billionaires and millionaires don't want a strong IRS because then there will be money available to audit more tax returns and catch more tax dodgers like them. Intuit doesn't want it because it takes money out of their pocket. So the super-wealthy and the TurboTax pieces of shit pay pay pay politicians so they can fuck fuck fuck the American people.

Never mind that increasing the budget of the IRS will actually pay for itself because they will be able to go after tax dodgers... and there would be plenty of money available to build a free tax system too... people keep voting for treasonous politicians who are looking out for their own pocketbook instead of the American people who elect them.

The whole ugly story is here...

But will the American people actually fucking do anything about it? Of course not. The lies from the politicians they worship like gods are easy to believe when you turned off your brain long ago.

   

Bullet Sunday 780

Posted on October 2nd, 2022

Dave!I may be mired in wildfire smoke and barely able to breathe, but have no fear... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

   
• Behind! If you're old like me, get a colonoscopy, y'all...

The fact that Ryan and Rob are willing to use their celebrity for important stuff like this is why I love Ryan and Rob.

   
• Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes! Just an FYI that Changeland, one of my favorite films of 2019 is now streaming on Amazon Prime. As if the fact that it's gorgeously shot in Thailand isn't enough, the closing credits features Thai cats! It's a bit deeper movie than this trailer lets on, but it's fun too...

I own the film, so I can watch it any time I want... but I will be giving it more than a couple views on Amazon just to give it some love for studio execs who need to be making more films like this.

   
• Diego! Well, crap. Now I love Diego Luna even more than I already did...

If you're not watching him being brilliant in Andor, which is the best Star Wars since Rogue One, then you should get on that.

   
• Play On! Explain to me again how Lizzo playing a fucking flute is somehow controversial. SHE IS A CLASSICALLY-TRAINED FLAUTIST FOR FUCK'S SAKE! Just listen to this...

IT'S NOT LIKE THEY HANDED IT OVER TO SOMEBODY WHO DOESN'T KNOW WHICH END TO BLOW INTO! IT'S NOT LIKE THEY GAVE IT TO PETE TOWNSEND WHO SMASHED IT ON STAGE! IT'S NOT LIKE LIZZO SHOVED IT UP HER ASS AND SHIT IT OUT ON THE CONSTITUTION WHILE KICKING A PUPPY. AND TELL ME THAT BEN SHAPIRO EVEN KNEW ABOUT THE FUCKING FLUTE BEFORE LIZZO PLAYED IT. THE WAY THIS PIECE OF SHIT TRIES TO CREATE FAUX OUTRAGE TO CATER TO PEOPLE WHO JUST WANT TO BE MAD ABOUT EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME IS THE ACTUAL FACE TATTOO PHENOMENON AT WORK...

But that's not all... how the fuck is Lizzo twerking with a slave-owner's crystal flute more disrespectful than it's past-owner James Madison LITERALLY ENSLAVING PEOPLE? I will never in a million years be able to wrap my head around the faux outrage and blatant hypocrisy of these assholes...

Good on Lizzo. I hope she keeps pissing people off for a very long time.

   
• Expired! Petco rewards points used to expire after 90 days. Then it was 45 days. Now it's 30 days. They really, really don't want you to be able to cash in your points. I look forward to the email telling me that they expire in 24 hours. Guess the only thing I'm buying there now will be their bulk kitty litter... and it's probably cheaper and more convenient to get it from Chewy anyway, so maybe not even that. In adjacent news... look forward to your local Petco announcing that they will be closing soon.

   
• Avalon! I have only ever been a casual fan of Brian Ferry and Roxy Music. That being said, I played there Street Life: 20 Greatest Hits album to death, and still fire it up from time to time...

Cover art for Street Life album

Most of my favorite tracks from Roxy Music is from their masterpiece album Avalon. Which is why this look at the album and its recording is so cool to see...

And... now I'll be listening to Street Life on repeat for the rest of the evening.

   
Until next Sunday then. Here's hoping your air is smoke-free.

   

Pieces of Shit Being Pieces of Shit

Posted on October 15th, 2021

Dave!"Well, shit, I'm alive. The COVID booster didn't kill me. So I guess I have to go into to work."

Zero side-effects from the third Pfizer shot. Which worries me a little bit... how do I know that it did anything if there's no side-effects from my immune system getting charged up with COVID-fighting instructions? Though I didn't have side-effects the second time either (only the first, where I had a fever for three hours and soreness in my arm for three days).

In my county here in Central Washington, there's been 102 COVID deaths out of 10,912 total cases since tracking of the pandemic began. Right now they say that 638 people have tested positive in the first half of October. When I check the CDC site, it says that the eligible population here in my county is 73.6% vaccinated and 34 new people have been admitted into the hospital. If it's accurate, that's really good news. Given the number of anti-maskers out and about, I really expected us to be under 50% vaccinated. Some counties east of me in Idaho and Montana are 40-some-odd-percent, which is pretty scary. But not as scary as those counties sitting at 20% once you head over to the Dakotas. Holy shit. It's like a COVID incubater in some parts!

Which is how we end up with COVID variants like Delta, Beta, Gamma, Lambda, Mu, and the variants of those variants. It's all pretty crazy when you consider that the virus will only become more communicable and deadly as it changes to survive.

But that's nothing compared to the heinous level of idiocy coming out of the mouths of pieces of shit like Marjorie Taylor Greens, who is just the worst...

@dr.eric.b

##covid ##covid19 ##pandemic ##mask ##vaccine ##fyp ##hiv ##lgbtq ##politics

♬ original sound - Eric

God she's awful. There's really no level to which this horrific excuse for a human being will stoop. I am disgusted to my core.

I'd say that I can't wait for her to get COVID, but you just know that she's been vaccinated. Pandering to her base with this hipocritical bullshit is how she stays in office.

   

Bullet Sunday 643

Posted on December 22nd, 2019

Dave!The holidays are nigh but there's still something to be happy about, because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

   
• Movies? Does anybody at Apple actually use their shit? Because not a damn day goes by that I don't find bugs or serious problems. Just now it's trying to find a movie in the TV app. But everything is so fucked up that you really can't. Even worse? When you try to browse for it by selecting "movies," they show you a bunch of shit THAT ARE NOT EVEN FUCKING MOVIES...

Apple TV menu for movies showing mostly NOT MOVIES!

Such a waste of time. iTunes may have sucked, but at least it wasn't a useless pile of shit.

   
• Remember. It's weird watching this and knowing EXACTLY what's happening. Not remembering, but not wanting to admit you don't remember. Not understanding, but being polite and pretending anyway. Not having any clarity of who, what, when, and where, but dismissing your confusion. Then an occasional moment where the dots connect and there's a spark of... something... in their eyes...

Hardest days of my life.

   
• a-ha! No, it's not as refined as the version that came after... but it's still a brilliant, beautiful, haunting song here...

It's so sad to me that a-ha is considered a one-hit wonder when they had so many remarkable songs following Take on Me. That first album is brilliant. But so are the ones which followed.

   
• Cuteness. I could spend hours watching raccoon videos on YouTube. I'm trying to cut down, but... man... BABY raccoons...

Nature is so amazing that it hurts.

   
• Retirement? Reality is a harsh mistress...

The future is scary, yo.

   
• Transcript? I'm just... it's just... I mean...

WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK?!? The transcript LITERALLY PROVES THAT PRESIDENT TRUMP IS GUILTY. If everybody willing to testify says he is guilty... and everybody who says he's innocent refuses to testify... doesn't that say ANYTHING about what's happening here? Does the truth even matter? Talk about reality being a harsh mistress. The future is terrifying, yo.

   
• Mystery. How Wrabel manages to keep churning out such beautiful work song after song after song is a mystery. This is a Christmas song for heaven's sake!

Happy Christmas, if that's your thing!

   
Have a great holiday...

   

Whoring

Posted on August 8th, 2009

Dave!When you turn on your television and see Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag staring back at you, do you wonder "Why in the hell are these dumbasses on television?"

When you pick up a magazine and see Spencer and Heidi on the cover, does your mind boggle as you try to understand why anybody should care about these two brain-dead morons, let alone give a crap about their stupid antics?

When you go to a movie premiere and see Spencer and Heidi show up so that Spencer can promote his wife's Christian values in a porno mag, do you puzzle over how two such worthless pieces of shit got to be famous?

Herpes on the Red Carpet

Well wonder no more!

Now you too can set aside shame, decency, and personal values to become a media whore of your own, thanks to my new book...

Whoring Yourself for Fun and Profit FOR DUMBASSES Book

With the advice found inside, you too can become a media sensation with absolutely no talent or brains at all. Just follow the simple instructions, and you'll be whoring your way into the spotlight in no time!

So what are you waiting for? Turn your useless life into cash by ordering your copy of Whoring Yourself for Fun & Profit for Dumbasses today! What have you got to lose?*

   

*Except your dignity, pride, and self-respect, of course.

   

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