Siri, the Apple digital "assistant," made me totally lose my shit today.

I needed to sweep out the garage, so I told Siri to unlock the front door instead of opening the garage door, as I'd be parking in the driveway for a while. Siri responded with "Your front door can't do that."

And I lost it. Totally and completely lost it.

I was screaming in my car... "CAN'T DO THAT? MY FRONT DOOR CAN'T UNLOCK? WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU MEAN, YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT?!? YOU'VE UNLOCKED IT BEFORE, SO WHAT'S CHANGED? YOU HAVE GOT TO BE THE MOST WORTHLESS FUCKING PILE OF TECH TRASH SINCE MICROSOFT BOB! HOW THE FUCK DOES APPLE CONSIDER YOU TO BE A SMART ASSISTANT? YOU'RE THE DUMBEST ASSISTANT IN THE HISTORY OF SCIENCE! EVEN THOMAS MIDGLEY JR. WAS JUST EVIL AND NOT INCOMPETENT LIKE THIS. FUCK OFF... FUCK YOU... AND DEFINITELY FUCK APPLE!!!"

I would have kept going, but I was home already.

And here's the thing. Siri was listening to my rant the entire time. The rainbow glow was circling my CarPlay screen, so it was all recorded. Then it was assumably sent to Apple. And I hope they listen to it, because they've earned every fucking word.

There was good news to be had, however.

Ewan McGregor and Charley Boorman are back with another season of their Long Way... series on AppleTV+ where they take a big motorcycle trip together. It's always a wonderful adventure, and this time looks like no exception...

The thing that strikes me when watching the show is just how incredibly nice Ewan McGregor is to the people he meets. Never has an unkind word. Always willing to engage with fans. Never gets tired of chatting about Star Wars. All too often, big Hollywood stars end up being such assholes. It's so refreshing to see the opposite of that.

Especially on a show this good.

Which is well worth your time whether you like motorcycles or not.

What the hell is wrong with app developers now-a-days? Do they just not give a shit? Do they not beta test? Do they not use their own software? Because I've been trying my best to understand why 90% of the apps I use are total crap, and I am at a complete loss.

Apple HomeKit HomeShit's app is the obvious contender for worst of the worst. It's so insanely bad that I automatically assume it will fail at what I want it to do. We were promised that Siri with Apple Intelligence would fix how utterly brain-dead their tech is at implementing even the most basic commands, but now Apple is delaying the rollout... despite the fact that they sold me my new iPhone based on smarter Siri coming soon! They had commercials with Bella Ramsey advertising it and everything! So now there are lawsuits by people who feel misled. And I want to join up because I'm definitely feeling like Apple has taken a giant shit on me yet again. I don't give a fuck about "Apple Intelligence"... just make it so I can get an automation to work for more than a day and let me control my home on my Mac without having to constantly restart the Home app. And, while you're at it, stop having your iPod mini tell me to switch to my iPhone app to open a damn door WHEN I AM TALKING INTO MY iPHONE AND SIRI HAS ACKNOWLEDGED THAT I'M SPEAKING TO IT THERE!

But the thing that happened today which compelled me to write this post?

Microsoft.

Who else? They have a long, long legacy of bullshit.

So there I was logging in to a shared drive on Microsoft servers when I get a message that I need to authorize access with the Microsoft Authenticator app. Authenticating is normal now, alas, and many companies are doing it to curb piracy. Adobe apps are all authenticated with their app, for example.

But unlike Adobe, where my Apple Watch will display buttons to allow or reject access... Microsoft has only ONE button after asking you to approve sign-in: Dismiss.

What the entire fuck?

Why even bother to have Apple Watch services if they aren't worth a shit? If I am going to have to open my iPhone to authenticate, fine, but leave my watch the hell out of it. Why pester me with a question that's impossible to answer?

I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.

How are Microsoft developers, who obviously know what they coded into the app, looking at this stupid bullshit and saying "Yep! That's the way we want it to work!"

The future may be now, but the technology of the future sucks.

   
UPDATE: Right on queue, Marques has some thoughts...

It's beyond shitty how Apple has degenerated to its current state. I can't fathom this kind of bullshit happening when Steve Jobs was running the company.