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Lil’ Spicey

Posted on April 11th, 2017

Lil' Spicey's Last Press Conference

Lil' Spicey's Last Press Conference

Lil' Spicey's Last Press Conference

Lil' Spicey's Last Press Conference

Lil' Spicey's Last Press Conference

Lil' Spicey's Last Press Conference

Lil' Spicey's Last Press Conference

Lil' Spicey's Last Press Conference

Lil' Spicey's Last Press Conference

   

Bullet Sunday 499

Posted on March 26th, 2017

Dave!Time to burn this muther to the ground, because an all-new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

   
• The Government is Not Your Friend. In all seriousness, I wonder what it's going to fucking take before US citizens wake the hell up to how their privacy rights are being chipped away by elected officials. Our bought-and-paid-for-Senators just voted to undo internet privacy regulations, which means that you ISP can sell your browsing history to advertisers. Our privacy is up for grabs, and fuckers in the GOP are the pimps making it happen. Might want to look into a VPN to protect yourself before this gets run through the House.

   
• GET OUT! I'm just going to chime in with the vast majority of critics and say that Get Out is one of the best films this year...

Get Out Movie Poster

Jordan Peele has absolutely killed it. So far as suspense thrillers go, this is a tough movie to top. Easily going to make y "Best Of" list for 2017. Go see it!

   
• Final Dimensions? Rumors have been swirling that my favorite game of the moment... LEGO Dimensions is getting canceled. Back in January I was dismissive of such rumors. But now? Evidence is mounting.

LEGO Dimensions Super Friends

Needless to say... this sucks if it's true. Sucks hard. The sets that have been coming out lately are better than ever, and a lot of fun to play. More sets for properties like Beetlejuice, Powderpuff Girls, and Teen Titans GO! have been delayed, but are still on the way, so there's that. But still... I hope we're getting even more sets before LEGO hangs it up.

   
• Headlines. So... when you see a headline like this pop up in your newsfeed...

State Senator Found with Teenage Boy in Hotel Room

You have to guess... will this be some godless liberal senator scumbag with no moral values... or will it be a "family values" Christian who supports anti-gay, anti-trans legislation? Lets find out together, shall we?

State senator found with teenage boy in hotel room.

Big fucking surprise. It's the "family values" Christian who ends up being the fucking pervert. YET AGAIN! It's always these assholes getting caught texting things like "I'm gonna fuck you like a good little boy if you keep calling me daddy." They can't seem to help themselves. Which is why every fucking time I see some politician asshole going out of their way to shit all over LGBT equality, I automatically expect they're fucking pedophiles. And history seems to back this up.

   
• Assemble! Oh goody. Justice League looks like a total rehash of Batman vs. Superman... incomprehensible action sequences strung together with boring shit nobody cares about...

At least Zack Snyder is consistent with his suckage.

   
• Gubermint! There's so much fucked up shit going on with our Trump-infused government that I could fire off another fifty bullets just to touch on it. But doing so will probably make me want to blow my head off, so I'll pick just one...

Senate sanctions killing hibernating bears and pups in their den

You can read about it here. What a bunch of fucking monsters we have representing us. If they are willing to treat innocent animals like this, there's no hope for us. None.

   
So over bullets for today.

   

Thanks, Obama

Posted on January 20th, 2017

Dave!=sigh=

Back in 2008, I was an enthusiastic Obama voter. His advocacy for Hope and Change was a message that resonated with my loathing and disgust of the political machine that's been destroying this country for decades. I wasn't necessarily convinced that anything would change for the better... he's still a politician, after all... but I was hopeful that he would at least try and improve government transparency as he had promised in his campaign.

I was disappointed almost immediately. His seat in The White House wasn't even warm before President Obama's administration was classifying documents on ACTA instead of making them public as any government promising transparency would have done. The ACTA discussion was considered a "matter of national security" which was (and still is) fucking bullshit.

Obama and I were off to a bad start.

President Obama Photo by Pete Souza
Official White House Photo by Pete Souza

But I kept telling myself anything was better than MIA/POW traitor John McCain and the shockingly idiotic Sarah Palin... even though a part of me wondered if that were true. Sometimes you're better off with the devil you know, and I had come to know the devil that is John McCain very well through my MIA/POW advocacy.

This is not to say that I didn't respect and admire Barack Obama as a person. Despite my many disagreements with how he ran things, I honestly think that he felt he was doing his best to represent the American people both at home and abroad. Needless to say, being President of the United States of America is one of the toughest jobs in the world, but President Obama always seemed to handle it with a grace and humanity that belied the horrendously difficult decisions he was called to make every day. He's a true leader who inspires people, which wasn't easy when his political rivals were determined to fight absolutely everything he tried to do and smeared him with hate and lies every single day.

President Obama Photo by Pete Souza
Official White House Photo by Pete Souza

When it came to his re-election, I went candidate shopping. President Obama had proven a disappointment when it came to transparency and lobbyist reform, so maybe there was somebody else willing to take up the cause? My favorite GOP candidate was Jon Huntsman Jr., but he was (predictably) eviscerated by his own party, leaving us with Romney/Ryan... both of whom I loathed. Instead of voting for Obama as I had done in 2008, I ended up voting against Mitt Romney in 2012.

And so... another four years of President Obama. Maybe since he didn't have to worry about running again, he'd get around to his promises from the first time around?

Not so much.

If anything, government transparency worsened as Obama's administration ramped up drone strikes, expanded spying on American citizens, and made an overall heinous mess of foreign policy that was bad in ways even his most fervent detractors never saw coming. My opinion of President Obama took a dramatic downturn. Partly because I could not grasp how he was failing so badly... but mostly because I didn't understand why he was failing so badly. Sure, Republican opposition to absolutely everything made Obama less effective than he could have been... but things going sideways everywhere from Syria to Israel was clearly in his court.

And yet...

Despite it all, I still liked the guy. Probably because he made it so difficult to dislike him...

President Obama Photo by Pete Souza
Official White House Photo by Pete Souza

President Obama Photo by Pete Souza
Official White House Photo by Pete Souza

President Obama Photo by Pete Souza
Official White House Photo by Pete Souza

President Obama Photo by Pete Souza
Official White House Photo by Pete Souza

President Obama has always been warm, funny, kind, genuine, and, in so many ways... patriotic... in his service of the USA. Yes, he did some decidedly unpatriotic things, but I'm saying that as an outsider looking in. I don't know what he knows or what information he had that compelled him to make those decisions I didn't agree with. All I know is that there is no doubt Barack Obama cared for his country. And he did so even when his country didn't love him back. When they questioned his citizenship. When they said he was going to declare martial law, round everybody up, and put them in FEMA camps. When they accused him of planning to take everybody's guns. When they labeled him a Muslim terrorist. The list goes on and on. And yet he ultimately managed to rise above it all and become a great president. A few of my favorite hits...

  • Dramatically improved America's image in foreign lands. As a world-traveler, I am so very grateful for this. After being in the toilet from Bush missteps for years, I didn't have to be quite so embarrassed to be American abroad.
  • Expanded broadband internet access and promoted net neutrality. The internet is an equalizing force that must be made easily available and provided free from interference by assholes for everybody. Period.
  • Improved support for our veterans. I argue he didn't go far enough, but Obama made big moves to support those who served their country, cutting veteran homelessness in half.
  • Repealed "Don't Ask Don't Tell." LGBT Americans have every right to serve their country the same as anybody else. This was a long time coming.
  • Aided in economic recovery, growth, and job expansion while working to reform Wall Street so they don't fuck us over quite so heinously next time and wipe out any gains we make in economic recovery, growth, and job expansion.
  • Salvaged the US auto industry, creating not hundreds... but thousands upon thousands of jobs in the process. Though I'm not a fan of this kind of government intervention, at least this time it was intervention for good!
  • Advocated for green initiatives in many areas. His efforts to support science and combat global warming, reign in pollution, and promote resource efficiency made the US a global leader in leaving a better planet for future generations
  • Took a stand on hate crimes by introducing new legislation. While the concept of "hate crimes" is controversial, I support any measure that aims to stem the tide of violence against people because of their race, religion, sexual orientation, gender, or any disabilities they might have.
  • At least attempted to do something about the sad state of health care in this country. Yes, it ended up being a mess and I still support single-payer reform to keep asshole insurance companies from destroying affordable care... but you miss 100% of the shots you don't take, and I can't fault him at least trying.

Of course his biggest accomplishment is probably serving two terms without some outrageous personal scandal erupting... quite a feat for a politician!

My admiration for President Obama is only eclipsed by my pride for our First Family. Michelle Obama was the epitome of beauty, style, grace, and heart. She used her position to advocate for those Americans who needed it most. Whether it was veterans in danger of becoming homeless with the Joining Forces Initiative... or children being inundated with unhealthy lifestyles and foods with the Let's Move! Campaign... or girls who were excluded from education around the world with the Let Girls Learn Initiative... our First Lady put in the work to improve the world. That she was also a mother to two wonderful girls who represented their country beautifully (even under the most heinous of circumstances) is just the icing on the cake. When it comes to a First Family, we really lucked out. My heartfelt thanks to all of you for your service.

President Obama Photo by Pete Souza
Official White House Photo by Pete Souza

And, naturally, the past eight years wouldn't have been the same without "Uncle Joe" Biden by his side. I never gave much thought to the Vice President all these years, but all that changed when I started reading about his tragic history... a history so devastating that I can't fathom how Biden continued to function, let alone serve his country. That such an enduring friendship between President and Vice President managed to come of it is remarkable given the toxic state of American politics (and is a friendship deeper and more heartwarming than I could have guessed). Many thanks, Mr. Vice President.

President Obama Photo by Pete Souza
Official White House Photo by Pete Souza

And so...

We may have had our differences over the years, but that in no way diminishes my appreciation, gratitude, respect, and love for President Barack Hussein Obama, 44th president of The United States of America. I suspect that I will miss you every single day for the next four years.

Probably longer.

From the bottom of my heart... thanks, Obama.

   

Tiny Dicks and Journalism Combat Training

Posted on January 11th, 2017

Dave!President Elect Trump's first press conference since being elected was everything I dreamed it would be.

And everything I feared.

This, my fellow US citizens, is how the end begins.

You may not like the media. You may not agree with how they cover events of the day. You may even consider any journalistic endeavor that doesn't fully support our elected leaders as treasonous. But it doesn't really matter what you think, because the guarantee of a free press is a fundamental building block of this country. Our founders designed it that way.

And while those who have lead this country may not like all aspects of the media, they have tolerated it... even supported it against all rational thought... because they know that's part of the job. They know it's important.

Well, at least they did.

Until now.

Don't think for a second that President Obama wouldn't have liked to tell the asshole brigade at FOX "News" to go fuck themselves ten times a day... any sane person would. But he was a bigger man (and better president) than that, and so he rose above. I may not have always agreed with his politics, but I respect how he put up with the non-stop parade of shit reigned down upon him by the media... yet continued to play the game in the name of Freedom of the Press.

But our President Elect? Not so much.

What a tiny, tiny penis Donald Trump must have to resort to this. At least I'm assuming that's the case. He's got a minuscule little dick, and this is how he wields power to compensate for it. The free press of the United States of America can piss off because our new president has a cocktail wiener for a cock.

CNN reported on the story of an unverified piece claiming the Russians have footage of Trump involved with some fancy piss-play with two hookers. They did not publish the actual unverified document, nor did they publish any details from it which talked about Donald Trump liking golden showers. They merely did their job as journalists and presented current events as they were happening. I may loathe CNN (in general) and Wolf Blitzer (specifically), but they did not publish "fake news" (though I will agree that their organization is terrible).

But President Pussy-Grabber doesn't care about any of that. He apparently feels that the only thing that CNN should ever do in such circumstances is condemn any criticism of Donald Trump. Anything less means that you don't get to ask questions. This is essentially "If you don't kiss my ass, condemn my critics, and support everything I do... I'm dismissing you, restricting your ability to question me, and discrediting your voice."

Which is ironic considering that Trump just compared intelligence agencies releasing "fake news" to Nazi Germany.

Apparently he is unaware of the fact that a big part of how the Nazi's got into power was to control and censor the media. By squeezing out those voices who did not support the Nazi Party and allowing only positive reporting of their actions, it was easier to convince citizens that they were righteous in their acts. Or at least those acts they allowed to be reported on.

And with the Trump presidency, we're half-way there!

Which is kind of embarrassing for a country that won't shut up about their superiority THANKS TO AMERICAN FREEDOM, BABY!

But only half as embarrassing as the fact that we have a president who feels the need to constantly lash out at the press... even when they did nothing wrong... as compensation for his tiny, tiny dick.

Which is nothing to be ashamed of, sir! Plenty of big men have wielded power wisely and respectfully despite their tiny member! No need to go starting World War III over it!

Now, if you'll excuse me, it's nearing midnight and me and my massive penis* need to get some sleep.

   
*I'll provide proof when Donald Trump releases his taxes.

   

Any Fucking Sense

Posted on December 23rd, 2016

Dave!"Sorry there's no gas station for 200 miles and you're running on fumes, but I don't sell to faggots because of my firmly-held religious beliefs... now get the hell off my property."

If the First Amendment Defense Act is turned into law, such a horrific statement will be a perfectly valid form of discrimination in Trump's America. Except something tells me that bigoted pieces of shit are not "sorry" about anything.

What bothers me most about this bullshit is not that a bunch of politician assholes are looking for ways to write discrimination against people they don't like into the law of the land. That's just par for the course. What bothers me is that they are presenting it as a way to make things "fair" for those businesses who want to discriminate.

Still haven't figured out how it's "fair" that a tax-paying citizen can have their hard-earned money go toward supporting such businesses with roads, utilities, fire and police protections, and such... only to have them be able to turn around and deny service to the people who made it possible... but, hey... it's not like bigotry ever makes any fucking sense.

To anybody who's not a bigot, anyway.

   

No… God, No… Please Save Us…

Posted on November 5th, 2016

Dave!I was tempted to resume blogging after Election Day so I wouldn't have to comment on the dumpster fire that is the United States presidential race... but here we are.

I would like to say that my feelings towards the candidates are nuanced, complex, and well-formed, but that's not the case. I loathe all the candidates... I especially loathe the Republican and Democrat candidates... and knowing that either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton is going to be my president makes me want to vomit until I die.

My disdain of Hillary Clinton has nothing to do with all the idiotic rhetoric over current or past scandals, or her moronic email missteps, or her husband's indiscretions (?), or even Benghazi (of which a Republican-lead committee found no wrongdoing by Clinton). The simple truth is that Republicans have spent millions upon millions of dollars trying to hang her with something, but nothing ever sticks. Probably because Hillary Clinton is no more or less guilty of the crap that usually goes on with our corrupt politicians. So whatevs.

No no... my problems with Clinton have to do with actual stuff she's done as opposed to all the crazy accusations that plague her. And while there's a lot of examples I could provide, I'm going to limit myself to the two that boggle my mind most because they are almost never brought up.

  • War on Violent Video Games. You think Donald Trump can become unhinged? Turn the clock back to 2005 and the absurd level of hysteria that Hillary Clinton came up with in her quest to ban violent video games (which I'm guessing was an effort pander to Right-leaning voters). At first blush, it was an admirable effort to protect kids from mature material they were too young to process and give parents the tools they need to determine if the games they buy for their kids contained this material. Except her "Family Entertainment Protection Act" was more like a full-out, unconstitutional assault on artistic expression. Instead of ESRB ratings being a guide, they would be retooled to become law, and severe penalties would be levied against anyone who defied them. So, basically, you have a government entity dictating what they deem to be "age-acceptable" material to a private entity, whose findings would then be used by a government entity to enforce the law. What could possibly go wrong? Ultimately everything was so draconian and vague that developers would be discouraged from making "violent" video games just as retailers would be discouraged from selling them. The fact that Clinton is willing to drift into this level of anti-freedom censorship and make it become law (as a pandering measure!) is a deal-breaker for me.
  • Destabilizing the Middle East. If you consider my concern over video game censorship to be "petty" or even "alarmist" then there's something much bigger on my radar. Hillary Clinton is a total warhawk. Her actions as Secretary of State are reprehensible in this regard... particularly when it comes to Libya, a country her policy has decimated. Rather than retread on an area that was written about better than I could ever do, here's an article I highly recommend: Even critics understate how catastrophically bad the Hillary Clinton-led NATO bombing of Libya was. If you consider my condemnation of this kind of horrific "leadership" to be petty and alarmist, then there's absolutely nothing I can say to caution you against a Hillary Clinton presidency. Cast your vote with confidence.

And then there's this fucking asshole...

Toxic Cheeto Jesus
Photo credited to Newsweek/Photographer unknown

If the prospect of a Clinton 2.0 presidency is something that makes my stomach churn... the prospect of a Trump presidency has me borderline-suicidal.

Forget that he is a horrible businessman who regularly cheats hard-working people out of their livelihood to make a buck. Forget that he is a notorious liar whose dishonesty is so massive in scope and count that he makes Hillary Clinton look like a choirboy. Forget that he a vile excuse for a human being who gets off on demeaning others. Forget that he changes his mind on major issues at the drop of a hat and has no real plan for anything he promises (much of which is impractically impossible). Donald Trump is a racist, homophobic, misogynistic, foreigner-bashing, non-Christian-hating, ignorant, unstable, narcissistic, intolerant, bigoted piece of shit. And electing Trump is the equivalent of hanging a giant banner outside the country advertising the fact that we're a nation of racist, homophobic, misogynistic, foreigner-bashing, non-Christian-hating, ignorant, unstable, narcissistic, intolerant, bigoted pieces of shit. And that doesn't even address the embarrassment factor of having this ridiculous buffoon representing Americans on the global stage. You think we were the laughing stock of the planet during the Bush years? Try 1400+ days of Toxic Cheeto Jesus.

"President Trump" is the stuff of nightmares and goes against everything this country was built to be. So when I cast my vote for Hillary Clinton, a person I pretty much despise, it's not because I am "voting for the lesser of two evils"... it's because I am voting against the Ultimate Evil.

The United States of America cannot survive Donald Trump as leader of the free world.

But it may have to. For we are a nation not of the people, but of the Electoral College...

This map is an average of projections showing how each state is expected to vote. Blue States are for Hillary Clinton, Red States are for Fuckface von Clownstick. Note that any flip from blue to red of 5 electoral votes or more spells Trumpageddon. That's not a lot of wiggle-room. New Mexico decides they want fascist America, and that's what we are. One nation under Drumpf.

And so...

Brace yourself. I am of the opinion that no matter who wins, we all lose.

It's just a matter of how big.

   

Cruzed

Posted on May 5th, 2016

Dave!In case it hasn't been glaringly apparent, I fucking loath Ted Cruz.

In all the worst possible ways.

Thus the complete implosion of his presidential ambitions (along with the entire Republican Party) has been a source of great amusement to me. Especially the commentary from Samantha Bee on her show Full Frontal which you should absolutely be watching...

Samantha Bee on Ted Cruz

   
And then there was her epic take-apart from the show...

Yep, we certainly side-stepped a bullet with Ted Cruz for president.

You know you loathe Ted Cruz when you can't even bring yourself to like him a little bit as he drags Donald Trump through the trash. No mention of Trump's UNDENIABLE PROOF that President Obama wasn't a US citizen that we're STILL waiting to see... oh no... couldn't miss the opportunity to get in a dig at Obama, even in defeat...

So long, Cruz, please just go away now.

   

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