Happy Father's Day, everybody! And now prepare to upgrade the last day of the weekend... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

   
• D'oh! New Orleans is my favorite American city. This wonderful video where a scene from Homer eating his way through the city has been recreated. I couldn’t love it more...

I don't know what impresses me more. That The Simpsons was so faithful to the locations... or that they bought all that food to recreate it,

   
• CowPhobia86! Okay, this is genius...

It's the ranch dressing love at the very end that makes it so good. That's Jonathan Harris for you!

   
• Chips! I love these Jolly school videos. And this one is particularly hilarious because it turns the tables a bit. And then... they mentioned a "chip butty," a sandwich I used to eat all the time, but stopped for whatever reason. Probably because I ate so many I got tired of them.

And so... I had one for lunch today. Dang it was good. Fries in a white bread sandwich with butter. I also like a chip butty on a bun with ketchup and mayo like a burger. Yummeh.

   
• FAKE! I've said many, many times that 95% of Influencer Culture is fake as fuck. I'm probably lowballing it. This is just bonkers. But we knew it would be...

The thing that really bothers me is that people judge their lives by the lives of these lying influencer assholes.

   
• Wright! The current season of Top Chef is SO good. I've loved all the chefs. Not an asshole in the bunch. They're all competitive while being supportive. I'm way behind, but I'm going back to re-watch the Frank Lloyd Wright episode again because it's peak Top Chef for me. As a massive Wright fan, it's so cool to see his work factor into a challenge. But all the challenges have been good, and it's really freshened up the show for me (which has been slowly stagnating over the years)...

Sad that Padme is gone, but Kristen Kish is killing it. They couldn't have picked a better host.

   
• Who Watches the Watchmen? Oh interesting! I wonder if they will be faithful to the source material or if they will Zack Snyder it up. Again...

After watching the HBO sequel... and how they actually made the REAL ending that the movie dropped for some astoundingly stupid reason... I hoped that one day we might get a faithful adaptation. This is probably as close as we're going to get.

   
• Trash App! Facebook announced that they removed a photo of mine. They say it violates their community guidelines when it comes to suicide and self harm or whatever. They won't show what it was. And when I request a review so I can ask what it was, that's not an option...

How the fuck are you supposed to do ANYTHING on this stupid app to keep out of trouble when you don't even know what it is that gets you into trouble? Facebook is trash. And now they keep showing me "Help is available."

   
And now back to your regularly-scheduled .

For the LOVE OF GOD, Coca-Cola... could you please stop making it exponentially more confusing to buy your products?

I walk into the mini-mart to buy a Coke Zero. But instead I have to stand there for five minutes trying to figure out which bottle is just plain ol' original Coke Zero. You're flooding the market with a stupid number of variants that nobody gives a shit about which reduces the number of lanes available for the product everybody wants. then you keep changing the labels and hiring shitty fucking designers who let promo art TAKE PRECEDENCE OVER YOUR FUCKING PRODUCT NAME?!? I needed a pair of reading glasses to suss out what the hell I was holding, but I didn't have any so I had to take a picture with my phone so I could zoom in and see if this was actually Coke Zero...

At the BARE FUCKING MINIMUM you need to have an EFFECTIVE calm space behind the product name so that consumers older than 30 CAN ACTUALLY READ WHAT THE FUCK IT IS. And why are Coke and Coke Zero the same color? Make Coke signature red. Take Coke Zero back to black. That would eliminate 50% of the confusion right there.

Stupid marketing shit drives me insane. It drives me thermonuclear insane when companies with millions of dollars hire design firms who don't know how to market products correctly. Making sure the customer can quickly and easily understand and find your product is Design 101. Stop working with shitty design firms who don't know the ABSOLUTE BARE MINIMUM OF EFFECTIVE PRODUCT DESIGN.

I'd redesign their labels for free just so I could find the shit when I walk into a shop... but effective design isn't something Coke gives a shit about, apparently, so I guess I start taking reading glasses to the mini-mart.

There's no Krispy Kreme anywhere near me. Which is probably a good thing, because their "doughnuts" are pure sugar, and I don't need to be eating that.

But I was in Seattle yesterday for eye surgery and there's a Krispy Kreme on the way home... AND DOLLY PARTON HAS A COLLABORATION WITH THEM FOR A COLLECTION OF FOUR EXCLUSIVE NEW FLAVORS!! If you don't think I'm stopping by for a half-dozen to support Dolly Parton, then you don't know me at all...

Once I walked inside, I saw that Dolly's Southern Sweets Doughnut Collection was displayed together on the top row in a place of honor...

I wanted a half-dozen, so I got two each of the ones that I thought I'd like best (Spoiler Alert: my guesses for favorites were correct). Look at how pretty...

Here they are, in order of preference...

• #1: Peachy Keen Cobbler Doughnut. This one isn't drenched in that absurdly sweet Krispy Kreme glaze before they add everything, and it makes a huge difference. It's a solid donut with peach filling that's dipped in brown sugar glaze with a crunchy cobbler topping. It's fantastic. The peach flavor really shines through, and that topping helps cut the sweetness so it's not making your teeth shake quite as much.
• #2 Chocolate Crème Pie. Had they not drenched it in glaze, it would have been better... but it's still darn good. They swirl chocolate brownie and vanilla cream on top and sprinkle with cookie crumbles. The chocolate/vanilla hit is substantial, so you're not overwhelmed by the glaze underneath.
• #3 Banana Puddin’ Pie. This is another unglazed donut filled with banana pudding that's got Nilla Wafer crumbs in it. They then frost the top, add frosting swirls to make signature Dolly butterfly wings, then add crushed Nilla Wafers to make the butterfly body. The banana tastes a touch artificial, which is the only drawback for me (other than the fact that whomever decorated my donut used too big of a frosting tip to pipe the wings).
• #4 Dolly Dazzler Doughnut. Ungodly sweet. There was no reason to glaze this thing before frosting with strawberry icing, but they did it anyway. The sparkling sugar crystals were icing on the icing on the cake, which just made a too sweet thing even sweeter. AND THEN... as if this thing wasn't too much sugar already, they added a white chocolate butterfly on top (which was a bit waxy, but my favorite part of the donut). The strawberry flavor was good though, and I would definitely have liked it better without the glaze base.

But anyway... a triumph. Could have been better if they'd just stop with the glaze already, but I was very happy with them. If you've got a Krispy Kreme in your area then it's definitely worth stopping by.

Deciding to treat yourself is something that's increasingly difficult to afford. But after the bad week I had been having, I decided to stop at McDonald's on my way home yesterday for a couple breakfast biscuits (hey, I'll eat vegan at home).

But instead of the delicious fluffy biscuit I've come to expect, I got a tough, chewy, mockery of a biscuit that was (literally) hard to swallow...

It's like COME ON. Why would you serve an overcooked, shitty biscuit like this? Especially when you're charging a butt-load of money for the privilege of buying one? It's as if restaurants are all too happy to serve crap food and make unhappy customers if it saves them 10¢ to just cook another biscuit. Well, lesson learned. McDonald's doesn't care about serving food worth buying, so I guess I won't.

And then there's this...

Keith Lee is the hero we need right now.

I stopped eating at Chipotle Mexican Grill a couple years ago for exactly this reason. Don’t keep raising prices only to give me less food. And, yes, I know that it's the individual restaurant franchise which sets portion amounts. But if enough people refuse to put up with it and enough people stop eating there, then Chipotle Corporate is going to have to do something.

So now I’m taking a pass on Chipotle for crap portions and McDonald's because I’m tired of getting stale fries and tough biscuits. That's on top of other restaurants that I gave up on long ago like Quizno's and Johnny Rockets. The only fast food I’m eating now is Burger King for their incredible Impossible Whopper (and onion rings)... and Wendy's for everything they offer that’s vegetarian-friendly, because it’s always fresh and tasty (PERFECT FRIES AND BISCUITS EVERY TIME!).

I’m happy that people are done with being taken advantage of by fast-food restaurants that are no longer worth it. Maybe they’ll get the message and stop expecting people to pay for their bullshit.

Yesterday I spilled pizza sauce on my T-shirt and ended up doing a load of laundry for all my T-shirts. Today I spilled chocolate soy milk on my T-shirt... but since I didn't have any T-shirts left to wash, I washed it with my dress shirts. I don't know what I will spill on my T-shirt tomorrow, but whatever it is, that T-shirt is going to have to be washed with a load of denim. So I should probably plan on wearing a dark-colored T.

Ah to go back to the day before all this madness happened when I was just eating tacos and not spilling shit all over myself. It was a simpler time...

I guess from here on out I need to start wearing a bib or something.

Proving once again that life really does come full circle.

Going vegan has been a lot easier now that I've killed my dream of finding a fake cheese that tastes any good. Almond and soy milk? Great. Plant butter? Fine. Fake sour cream? Okay. Veggie mayo? I'm getting used to it. Fake cream cheese? Eh. Fake eggs? Nah. Fake cheese? No. Fuck no. Absolutely not. So... for my peace of mind, I'm going to keep eating regular dairy cheese on occasion, just in vastly smaller amounts. Probably when I am at somebody else's house, eating out with friends, or want a small treat for myself. What's weird is that I feel myself kinda getting over it. I'm betting in less than a year I won't even miss it very much..

What's been harder? Cutting down on sugars. Especially processed sugars.

I threw out all my chocolates, candies, and sweets. I have some sugar-free stuff that I'm hanging onto, but I'm going to try to cut down on it too (all except the Coke Zero, because I need that). And it's been tough. Not being able to grab candies or cakes or cookies or whatever is hard when you were raised in the USA. That's our diet here.

In order to curb my sweet tooth, I've gone back to one of my most favorite things.

Freeze-dried fruits.

Mostly apples, but also strawberries, pineapple, blueberries, mango, bananas, and such. Unlike dried or dehydrated fruits, where the vitamins and minerals are cooked out of them, freeze-dried leaves all the nutrients intact. Also, instead of being tough or chewy, they're light and airy and crisp. Also, freeze-dried doesn't have sulfites or added sugars and whatnot. It's just delicious fruit and I love it.

The problem is that freeze-dried fruits are RIDICULOUSLY expensive.

And so I'm going to start saving up for my own freeze-drying machine. A good one (AKA Harvest Right) is $2,400 because I only need a small one. But you need replacement vacuum pump oil and a a chamber vacuum sealer and other stuff. Which is to say that you need closer to $3,500. And it's like... okay. That's a lot of money, but being able to buy fruit on sale in season and freeze-dry it myself will have the machine paying for itself in about two years (if I keep eating fruit at the rate I am now).

I mostly eat it right out of the container or bag. It's like candy. But I like putting it on crackers or even toast (crispy toast!)...

And, if you like the idea of stocking up for after The Rapture, many freeze-dried foods can be stored for a very long time.

But that's not all...

You can freeze-dry all kinds of stuff. Herbs and vegetables being other great ideas. You can store all the ingredients for an amazing vegetarian soup. Or veggies to make anything, really. I love rehydrating a teaspoon of onions for a veggie burger (I actually prefer freeze-dried to fresh on burgers, it's what McDonald's uses!). Freeze-dried tomatoes and peppers are amazing to add to just about anything (or just eat by the handful). Freeze-dried corn, green beans, and peas are also good snacking. I love tossing them in with rice to steam microwave. Or with cooked potatoes. Or throwing them in with pasta a couple minutes before draining. The possibilities really are endless.

And so... yeah... really want my own freeze-drying machine. But saving up $3,500 will take a bit because I've got a few more repairs to make in my home, a bunch of stuff to do outside, and I'll need wood for my Summer projects. There's always something to spend my hard-earned cash on.

Except clothes. I figure I'll just pick those up off the street from all those people who got raptured without me.

I had to wake up early so I could have an early drive to an early doctor appointment that was early.

Color me shocked, there was no traffic down the usually-heinous-especially-on-a-Friday 405 East of Seattle. I anticipated a 40-45 minute commute. I did it in 18 minutes. Which means I was nearly an hour early for my appointment. I was a bit hungry (and finally feeling like eating again), so I decided to grab breakfast. Much to my delight, a Panera was 8 minutes away. Perfect.

Boo! BOOOOO!!!

Boo, Panera Bread!

Instead of the gooey, delicious, egg over-medium that you used to get, they’ve switched to that same gross, spongy, slimy "egg" that McDonalds has! DAY. RUINED. I was all "Guess I’ll just sit here in the parking lot of the eye clinic and cry." AND COULD YOU BLAME ME? LOOK AT THIS! JUST LOOK AT THIS!!!

Argh. And the shit was really expensive too.

Boy oh boy did I used to love being in a city that had a Panera in it.

But back to the traffic (or lack thereof)... what is going on? Roads in Bellevue were practically empty. In Bellevue! Didn’t even have to use express lanes to drive 65 the entire way to the city... ON THE 405, FOR GOD’S SAKE. Did The Rapture happen three days early? Are we in a National Day of Mourning because somebody famous died?!? Please tell me it’s not Skylar Astin! I need more So Help Me Todd!

But anyway... mission accomplished.

More or less.

Don't worry, I don't take a day off for my birthday, so it's business as usual up in here... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

   
• NEWSFLASH: Apple co-founder calls out 'hypocrisy' of politicians calling for TikTok ban — I am really glad that more and more people are speaking up on this bullshit. Especially when they are as respected as Steve Wozniak. As I have said over and over and over... why is TikTok being singled out and punished for something ALL American social media companies and American tech giants (like Google) do? Facebook can take my tracking data and personal viewing habits and sell them to Chinese companies... and that's okay... but a Chinese company monitoring my viewing habits and location directly is not? American social media companies can promote their interests to their users EVEN WHEN IT PROMOTES CHINESE INTERESTS, but Chinese companies can't do this themselves? By all means, continue to monitor how our information is being collected, distributed, and sold. We should definitely be tightening up on that and forcing companies to keep their users informed. I 100% support that. But when it comes to banning companies who collect our data? Either you ban it for ALL or you ban it for NONE. Period.

   
• NEWSFLASH: Delta pilot shitfaced on Jaegermeister jailed for 10 months — Oh come on. Who among us HASN'T attempted to fly a plane while shitfaced on Jäegermeister? Oh. Only me and this guy? Never mind.

   
• MAKE MINE REPAIRABLE! My dryer stopped working this past week. I have absolutely no money for repairs or replacement. But three hours and much Googling got me on track to fixing it myself. Thankfully. These old school dryers with physical switches and knobs are a godsend to self repair. I could have never got through this if I had one of those modern touch screen models where you have no choice but to replace the whole board (which is often more expensive than buying a new machine). And this is exactly why manufacturers use them now, of course. If your appliances have to be replaced every six years, they make more money. — I am thankful every day that my friend told me I was stupid if I got rid of the original Speed Queen appliances that came with my home when I bought it (these were made before Speed Queen had to go on the cheap and started making models that weren't as good). I would have almost certainly had to either replace or pay absurd amounts of money to repair my washer and dryer if I had replaced them with "modern" appliances.

   
• Quiet! I watched the new documentary, Quiet on Set about all the horrific shit that went on at Nickelodeon during its heyday, and I am both mortified and not the least bit surprised. It just goes to show that exploiting and endangering kids for entertainment is still going strong...

But here's the thing that really gets me. The primary guy the documentary focuses on, Dan Schneider, offers up a half-hearted defense with "Multiple network executives approved the content and look of his shows and that dozens of adults were on set and never raised concerns." And it's like... YEAH! THAT'S NOT AN EXCUSE! IT JUST MEANS THAT ALL OF YOU FAILED THESE KIDS!! How is that not fucking glaringly obvious? There's a lot of responses being bounced around, but the only one I care about is what Cory Feldman has to say, because that guy has been sounding the alarm for decades...

People independent of the studio need to be on-set to look ou for child actors. Period. Because studios only give a shit about money. Period. And they don't care what they have to do and who they have to exploit to get it. Period. Just look at the guy Corey is talking about... Brian Peck. After he was fired from Nickelodeon and served prison time for sexual abuse of a minor, HE WAS SUBSEQUENTLY HIRED BY DISNEY! Good Lord. It's unreal how children in the entertainment industry aren't looked out for by somebody.

   
• Babe Bullshit! To this day I wonder whether or not Vani “Food Babe” Hari is just a straight-up liar... or if she's a self-delusional ignoramus who has absolutely NO idea what the fuck she’s talking about. Because the amount of misinformation she throws out is mind-boggling. And people somehow believe her crap...

In a day and age where we should be questioning where we get our information, not enough people are challenging these dipshits in the world who are making a buck off of people's ignorance. That's how we get crap like "The earth is flat!" and "MSG give you cancer!" or whatever. But fortunately there's a growing number of educated people like "Food Science Babe" stepping up to do the job. The problem is that not enough people are listening.

   
• Pizza! This is not safe for work. But it's funny enough that I am compelled to share it...

That must be some amazing pizza.

   
Hope you're celebrating my birthday as hard as I am!

I have come to terms with the fact that ALL vegan "cheese" is going to suck. Yes... even that vegan cheese you think is awesome... it sucks at being cheese.

Which is not to say that some "cheeses" aren't good in their own right. Like Chao Field Roast. It's not cheese... but I do like it for what it is.

I've tried a few fake parmesans, but they are gut-wrenchingly awful. So I've been leaning hard into Nutritional Yeast, which I love. My beloved Caesar works extremely well with vegan mayo because there's so many other things in that dressing which are vegan and taste great, and extra Nutritional Yeast gives it a cheesy kind of bite...

Soooo... along with the many vegan recipes people have been kindly sharing with me... I think I'm set. No, I am not 100% vegan. I will likely revert back to being vegetarian when eating at restaurants and traveling and such. But I'm "vegan enough" for me now, and not suffering too much. Hopefully there's a health benefit in that.

This morning I was hungry enough to eat breakfast, but not hungry enough to cook the eggs, hash browns, and toast I wanted. So I microwaved a couple hotdogs and headed off to work. Yummeh.

When I got home I wasn't nearly as exhausted as I usually am, so I nuked two more hotdogs for dinner and decided to install my guest bathroom speaker into the ceiling behind where the access panel will go. My cats hid upstairs because I was screaming obscenities the whole time. But I did it...

...barely.

If I could have found a quality bracket I would have gladly paid for it, but instead the only one that would work for the position I needed was a $20 cheap piece of crap. The screws in particular are soft, cheap, and shitty that were stripped out with zero effort (like more screws you get with cheap crap). Plus the hinge mechanism is stupidly designed. And, as if that wasn't enough, the instructions left out a critical piece that I had to figure out on my own.

Hopefully it doesn't fall down and ruin my grossly overpriced Sonos speaker. Wouldn't shock me in the least.

Now what I really need is to celebrate this achievement with a couple of hot dogs for dessert. Considering people in my home can continue to party with music while using the bathroom is worth celebrating. Because one of those people is me!