Help.

I go to bed thinking about my ketchup. I wake up craving my ketchup. I have been obsessed with homemade ketchup for three days now. I'm on Batch No. 6 trying to find my favorite recipe with no end in sight.

Which is dangerous for me, because I'm eating a lot of veggie burgers and fries lately...

What I've learned in my experiments so far...

• I am sticking with 6oz. cans of tomato paste. So nice to be able to whip up a fresh batch when I want it, though it does keep nicely for a week in the refrigerator. I've found that letting the flavors meld overnight in the refrigerator gives a better balanced ketchup.
• Different brands of tomato paste have different thicknesses. Usually the cheaper store brands are thinner and the premium brands thicker. I prefer the thicker stuff because I can add more vinegar taste while keeping the ketchup thick. I will never go back to thin, pourable ketchup ever again.
• I like sweeter ketchup. Not sickly sweet, but with a little extra sugar to make it more like candied tomatoes.
• I don't add salt. And if I do, it's barely any because the food I put it on is salted. Even if there's no salt on the food, I still prefer ketchup without.
• For that reason I don't add any "salted" spices like celery salt and garlic salt.
• The most common "kick" of spice in recipes I've found is cayenne pepper. But I prefer chili powder. It has a more pleasing complexity to it. And it doesn't take much to be noticed. But once you go past the point where it's noticed, the heat makes a very tasty sauce indeed. Fries with ketchup that's got some heat to it? Magic.
• One of the things I've tried in my experiments is eliminating ingredients to see which spices aren't contributing to the flavor. Turns out they're all important. Not only that, but the more variety of spices I add the better it tastes to me. I prefer ketchup with smaller amounts of more spices than larger amounts of less spices. The most surprising? Celery seed powder. In my 6oz. can recipe, I only use around 1/8 teaspoon of the stuff, but it really makes a difference. Makes me happy that I accidentally bought the powder instead of the seeds.
• One of the varieties I've happened upon that I really love is double oregano ketchup (which I'm calling "Italian Ketchup"). And where it's best used? As pizza sauce! Seriously! No more buying jars of prepared pizza sauce from the stores either. This stuff is amazing on a toasted bagel then broiled with mozzarella cheese on top.
• After I go through all the usual spices like black pepper, garlic powder, oregano, onion powder, chili powder, mustard, celery powder... I've been experimenting with others. The best I've found are some of the African spices I've been addicted to. Mostly blends like Berbere, Ras El Hanout, and The Spice House Marrakesh Market Blend. Many include a touch of "warm" spices like cinnamon or cumin or cardamom blended with peppers and such. Even small amounts add really cool complexity to the flavor profile.

I never realized just how bad ketchup is from the store. Even the premium brands are watery and boring. But after making my own? There's really nothing better. And the fact that you can customize it so easily makes to make a condiment that suits your individual tastes? Perfect.

I may be melting from working too hard when it's too hot, but don't you fear... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

   
• LIFE-CHANGING NEWS! I WILL NEVER BE BUYING KETCHUP AGAIN! Tonight I wanted a burger for dinner. I had used the last of my ketchup, so I went to grab a fresh bottle... and... I DON'T HAVE ANY! CANCEL MY AMERICAN CITIZENSHIP, BECAUSE HOW DO YOU RUN OUT OF KETCHUP IN THE USA? But I had tomato paste, so I Googled a recipe. There are many. All of them have vinegar and sugar, then spices. And so I decided to just roll my own and wing it on the spices until it tasted good. I just kept adding them... black pepper, garlic powder, oregano, onion powder, chili powder, mustard, celery powder, berbere, and a little cayenne. INCREDIBLE!

I COULD EAT THIS OUT OF THE BOWL! IT WAS SO GOOD ON MY BURGER THAT I AM COOKING FRIES SO I CAN SMOTHER THEM IN IT! I WILL NEVER BUY STORE KETCHUP EVER AGAIN! LOVE. LOVE LOVE LOVE. Guess running out of store-bought ketchup was a blessing in disguise.

   
• Exploding Kittens! Netflix has an animated series that takes its name from the Exploding Kittens card games which doesn't really follow the game. Instead it focuses on God and the Devil being banished to earth as... cats? They had Tom Ellis who played Lucifer for six seasons, so the fact that he's God now is clever casting...

It's pretty well done, over all. Some hilarious moments and pretty good stories. If you've got Netflix, it's worth checking out.

   
• Manny! So... The Hollywood Reporter has taken a quote completely out of context to use as a headline, and it's pretty bad. Especially given what Manny Jacinto actually had to say. My comment left on their Facebook follows...

"I understand that you have to create click-bait headlines so people will visit your site... but was it really necessary to pull this quote completely out of context so it makes him seem like a raving prima donna instead of being grateful to have the job and be a part of the movie? — 'There was this sense of where the film was going [on set], like I can see them focusing the camera more on these [other] guys and not taking so much time on our scenes. Fortunately, it still was a great experience — you get to see this huge machine at work, see how Tom Cruise works, and you get to be a small part of this huge franchise.'"

What a shitty fucking way to misrepresent what Manny was trying to say. He seems like a nice guy. I loved him in The Good Place and he's darn good in The Acolyte. But I guess you can't have an Asian guy making it in Hollywood. Gotta crush him by making him look bad to everybody and turn them against him. Just goes to show that there's an agenda in all "reporting"... even when it coes to entertainment "news."

   
• I CANNOT EVEN! Prague, one of the most beautiful cities on earth, is home to one of my favorite restaurants on the entire planet: Lehká Hlava (Clear Head). So to see the spreading of bullshit lies about Czech restaurants gaining traction out of ignorance is rage-inducing. Fortunately, Honest Guide is on the case...

It's like... come on. Can't people do the bare fucking minimum of looking into "injustices" before spreading idiotic crap like this? The answer is obviously no! because the truth isn't what's important any more. It's getting views and clicks.

   
• M3GAN! Okay... I tuned into this movie because it's got a 93% on Rotten Tomatoes, but wasn't expecting much. I thought it was going to be a Chucky rip-off. BUT NOPE! This movie is nuts! In the best way, of course. SO DISTURBING!

If you've got Peacock, it's streaming there for free and is well worth your time.

   
• And Now... a Reminder! "There is a cult of ignorance in the United States, and there has always been. The strain of anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that 'my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.'" ― Isaac Asimov

And it's getting worse every fucking day.

   
• The Olds! And so the inevitable happened... President Biden pulled out of the race. As somebody who is not a fan, I shed zero tears. He's too old to be president, and it's ludicrous and cruel that he was ever being considered in the first place. Interesting to note... with Biden gone, that makes Trump the oldest person in the history of the United States to be on the ticket for president. Blergh. He's too fucking old too! He's only three years younger than Biden, for Christ's sake. And his mental abilities are decidedly worse, because he doesn't have Biden's stutter to keep distracting his brain while he's speaking. When are we going to stop with all these politicians who are too fucking old and out-of-touch to hold office?

   
And now I return you to our regular scheduled programming.