Most all digital ads (certainly from those who sell ads as a business model like Facebook and Google) are using targeted ads exclusively now-a-days.

Which is to say that companies like Google and Facebook are tracking every site you visit and noting every link you click on across the entire internet. That way they can track your interests and needs and serve ads to you which have a better chance of triggering engagement. Companies pay them more money when people click on their ads, so it's a powerful motivator to make sure that every ad is as relevant as possible.

There are times that it most definitely backfires though.

Yesterday morning Facebook started serving up ads for Botox. Yes, Botox. That expensive stuff that causes temporary paralysis that people shoot into wrinkles and stuff in order to diminish them for a few months...

   
I have never in my life considered getting botulism injected into my face, so I was at a complete loss to understand why I was seeing these ads. Is it just because I'm now at an age where people start getting Botox? Did I click on something that convinced Facebook that I would be interested in getting Botox? Is Facebook watching me?!? Is the Facebook algorithm in the room with me right now looking at my face and thinking "Yeah, it's time for Botox now. Serve 'em up!"

The only thing I can think of is that I did click on two news stories warning people about home-brew "Botox" causing a botulism symptoms: Back Alley Botox a Bad Idea, Officials Warn... and Sketchy Botox Shots Spark Multistate Outbreak of Botulism-Like Condition. I guess that was enough for Facebook to think "Oh yeah. My guy is definitely wanting to get Botoxed! He clicked on two links with "Botox" in the headline, so what else could it be?"

After I ignored the ads, Facebook started getting serious. Because last night they started shoving ads at me that offered $50 OFF a treatment...

   
And then, when I started hiding ads for Botox, I started getting ads for the competition. Like this one from Juvéderm (which, thanks to the accent on the "e" there must be pronounced "Joo-Vay-Derm," not "Joo-Veh-Derm" as I would have thought, since it's clearly a riff on the word "rejuvenate" and stuff?)...

   
Interesting to note that these ads are definitely targeting me. Every ad I see with a person in it has a man. No women. As if to say "We know you want Botox, buddy, and it's totally a thing that men do... just look at the dudes in these ads!"

But the really interesting thing is that none of these dudes actually need Botox. They're all young, handsome, and flawless. But why? I guess it's a smart marketing tool. It's like "Holy shit! If these god-like men need Botox... then you must *really* need it, right?? DO IT! DO IT NOW! MAKE AN APPOINTMENT TODAY TO HAVE OUR SHIT INJECTED IN YOUR MANLY FACE AND SAVE $50! — IT'S THE LEAST YOU CAN DO TO SAVE SOCIETY FROM HAVING TO LOOK AT YOUR HEINOUS MUG! — PLUS... THE LADIES WILL TOTALLY LOVE THE NEW BOTOX YOU, SO IF YOU TAKE AWAY ONE THING FROM THIS AD, LET IT BE THIS: BOTOX=PUSSY!"

Sadly, no amount of Botox will save my face, even if I could afford it.

I actually would like a nice case of botulism though. You get to stay home from work for that, right?

   
Rest in Peace Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman.

Going vegan has been a lot easier now that I've killed my dream of finding a fake cheese that tastes any good. Almond and soy milk? Great. Plant butter? Fine. Fake sour cream? Okay. Veggie mayo? I'm getting used to it. Fake cream cheese? Eh. Fake eggs? Nah. Fake cheese? No. Fuck no. Absolutely not. So... for my peace of mind, I'm going to keep eating regular dairy cheese on occasion, just in vastly smaller amounts. Probably when I am at somebody else's house, eating out with friends, or want a small treat for myself. What's weird is that I feel myself kinda getting over it. I'm betting in less than a year I won't even miss it very much..

What's been harder? Cutting down on sugars. Especially processed sugars.

I threw out all my chocolates, candies, and sweets. I have some sugar-free stuff that I'm hanging onto, but I'm going to try to cut down on it too (all except the Coke Zero, because I need that). And it's been tough. Not being able to grab candies or cakes or cookies or whatever is hard when you were raised in the USA. That's our diet here.

In order to curb my sweet tooth, I've gone back to one of my most favorite things.

Freeze-dried fruits.

Mostly apples, but also strawberries, pineapple, blueberries, mango, bananas, and such. Unlike dried or dehydrated fruits, where the vitamins and minerals are cooked out of them, freeze-dried leaves all the nutrients intact. Also, instead of being tough or chewy, they're light and airy and crisp. Also, freeze-dried doesn't have sulfites or added sugars and whatnot. It's just delicious fruit and I love it.

The problem is that freeze-dried fruits are RIDICULOUSLY expensive.

And so I'm going to start saving up for my own freeze-drying machine. A good one (AKA Harvest Right) is $2,400 because I only need a small one. But you need replacement vacuum pump oil and a a chamber vacuum sealer and other stuff. Which is to say that you need closer to $3,500. And it's like... okay. That's a lot of money, but being able to buy fruit on sale in season and freeze-dry it myself will have the machine paying for itself in about two years (if I keep eating fruit at the rate I am now).

I mostly eat it right out of the container or bag. It's like candy. But I like putting it on crackers or even toast (crispy toast!)...

And, if you like the idea of stocking up for after The Rapture, many freeze-dried foods can be stored for a very long time.

But that's not all...

You can freeze-dry all kinds of stuff. Herbs and vegetables being other great ideas. You can store all the ingredients for an amazing vegetarian soup. Or veggies to make anything, really. I love rehydrating a teaspoon of onions for a veggie burger (I actually prefer freeze-dried to fresh on burgers, it's what McDonald's uses!). Freeze-dried tomatoes and peppers are amazing to add to just about anything (or just eat by the handful). Freeze-dried corn, green beans, and peas are also good snacking. I love tossing them in with rice to steam microwave. Or with cooked potatoes. Or throwing them in with pasta a couple minutes before draining. The possibilities really are endless.

And so... yeah... really want my own freeze-drying machine. But saving up $3,500 will take a bit because I've got a few more repairs to make in my home, a bunch of stuff to do outside, and I'll need wood for my Summer projects. There's always something to spend my hard-earned cash on.

Except clothes. I figure I'll just pick those up off the street from all those people who got raptured without me.

Now that the Rapture is over (Spoiler Alert: I didn't make the cut, again), I was dismayed that another rapture is scheduled for April 23rd by Christian numerologists. Or whatever. I cannot possibly keep up with this stuff. It's as if people are so hot for the End of Days that they're going to keep throwing dates at the wall until something sticks.

Or... IT NEVER FUCKING HAPPENS

But anyway, I was commenting on a Facebook post about the whole rapture death-cult-fantasy scenario and dropped this little gem, almost by accident...

I have my moments.

Yes I do.

And it's true. If all these hateful bigots who are convinced that they're heaven-bound is indicative of who's going to be there? No thanks. I'm good.

I'll just stick around this mortal plane with all my friends.

UPDATE! If you have eclipse glasses you will be throwing away, donate them instead! This is so great.

The first eclipse I remember viewing was the Great Eclipse of February 1979. We were right on the edge of the "Totality Zone," which means that everybody in the region was eclipse-crazy. "We don't even have to travel to have the best seat in the house!" Except... Central Washington in February (especially back then) is usually overcast skies, so nothing (especially the "best seats in the house") was guaranteed.

But then the Big Day arrived and, miracle or miracles, the skies were not terrible. It was a school day, which meant that our science teacher showed us how to view the event with a piece of paper with a hole in it casting the shadow of the sun onto another piece of paper. AKA the shittiest way to view an eclipse. You'd think for this monumental event, the Washington State Department of Education would have sprang to give us all safety glasses, but it was what it was. We all went outside with our papers, and I remember a lot of it very well despite my being 12 years old (almost 13) at the time. But mostly I remember how thrilled I was to get out of science class.

The next eclipse was only 92% where I lived back in 2017, but I had great equipment to view it and take photos, which made it a heck of a lot more memorable than looking at a shadow on a piece of paper...

Plus... my cats had fun because I was staying home with them, so there's that.

The eclipse today wasn't that eventful... we were told it would be just a small chunk out of the bottom. I brought my glasses to work to have a look since the skies weren't too terrible, but then forgot. Oh well.

INTERESTING TO NOTE: My last kidney stone was in 2017. The date of the last eclipse here was 2017. — OBVIOUSLY NASA IS CAUSING KIDNEY STONES WITH THEIR WOKE "ECLIPSES," WHICH WE ALL KNOW IS REALLY JUST THEM REPAIRING HOLES IN THE FIRMAMENT DOME! I DEMAND THAT MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE USE HER FULL POWER IN CONGRESS TO INVESTIGATE IMMEDIATELY!

IN OTHER ECLIPSE NEWS: No wonder people thought that The Rapture was going to be today. It happened on Rex Manning Day! (happy Rex Manning Day to all who celebrate)...

I can't celebrate Rex Manning Day without looking up this awesome commercial that Ryan Reynolds gave us last year...

I will spend tonight watching Empire Records for the hundredth time, of course. Such a classic.

IN OTHER, OTHER ECLIPSE NEWS: So how about that Rapture? A ridiculous number of people were coming out of the woodwork claiming that the pending eclipse was clearly a sign that the End of Days was here because they were "activating" the CERN Super Hadron Collider to open a portal and invite the devil to invade so his demons could collapse society and power off the grid (or whatever dippy shit they came up with). Did God change His mind? Shouldn't all these false prophets be getting stoned to death? I'm not holding my breath that the same people posting this shit to social media are going to recant and say they were wrong. Oh hell no. They're already off to the races on whatever other stupid crap they can dream up. Like blaming President Biden for the high cost of shit while corporations are reporting record high profits. Almost as if the corporations are using inflation as an excuse to raise their prices to all-time highs so they can make billions upon billions of extra dollars without getting blamed for it (thus driving inflation even higher). Imagine that! Nope. BIDEN DID IT! And it's like, come on. The Biden Administration has done plenty of actual fucked up shit without having to push stuff like this. But, it's an election year, and high prices are an easy campaign talking point for people to understand, so here we are.

IN OTHER, OTHER RELIGIOUS NEWS: Today The Vatican took time away from their busy schedule of passing around photos of altar boys to declare that surrogacy and gender-affirming care are on par with euthanasia and abortion when it comes to being an affront to human life and a violation of God's Divine Plan...

First of all... if God didn't want surrogacy to produce life, he wouldn't allow it to be possible. Period. My theory is that Catholic priests just find confessional stories about surrogacy to be boring, and would rather hear about a parishioner confessing to getting raw-dogged by a football team because it gives them something fun to beat off to (because they're not having sex... right? RIGHT?!?). Otherwise, why are people who can't have children weighing in on how other people have children? It's insane. You'd think that they'd love the idea of the new Catholics this might create. That's just sound financial sense when it comes to the number of donations on the plate.

Second of all... as a former Catholic, I feel that I'm completely within my right to say that I don't give one single solitary fuck as to what these assholes think is "dignified" about "life." They continue to protect their priests who routinely abuse and sexually assault children. They continue to exploit people in ways that are in direct contradiction to the Bible. They are a monstrous corporation masquerading as a church. Until they clean their own fucking house, they have absolutely ZERO authority to even have an OPINION about what people do with their lives (especially when it comes to gender-affirming care, which can literally saves lives... lives that they don't give a fuck about in the first place, mind you). And even if they did clean house, they can still fuck off with their bullshit, because unless somebody CHOOSES to turn to them for guidance, their OPINION is worth less than jack-shit. Keep your idiotic bullshit within the walls of your fucking child indoctrination camps for the benefit of sexual predators, AKA "Catholic Churches."

I realize that my time as a youngster spent with the Catholic Church was me wearing rose-tinted glasses... but it still pains me to be gunning for them like this because, for better or worse, it was an important part of my life. Particularly when it comes to my grandmother. In all honesty, I don't think the majority of Catholics approve of how The Church deals with many things, but they need their Faith in their lives, so they continue to look past all the heinous shit out of self-preservation. And honestly? I don't blame them. This world is a cesspool, so whatever you need to get through the day is what you need to get through the day. I just wish that more Catholics would hold The Church accountable so that it wouldn't get to keep abusing people and ruining lives without consequences.

Now... I'm off to make dinner and get ready to Say no More, Mon Amour with Rex Manning!

I should have baked cupcakes.

After a week filled with nonsensical drama (including kidney stones, really?!?) I'm ready to put it all behind me, but I've got one thing left to do... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

   
• Kelly Green! Honestly don't know why absolutely everybody isn't watching the Kelce Bros. on their New Heights podcast. Only Jason is retired now, but they both have a future after they're done with football (well, other than Travis being Mr. Taylor Swift). They're just so incredibly funny and entertaining...

Their football stories are great even if you're not a football fan...

I mean, come on! How can you not love that? Their latest episode has them interviewing Arnold Schwarzenegger?!? And the fact that the boys don't feel the need to constantly interrupt him while he's talking just goes to show... not only were they raised right, they are better and interviewing celebs than most of the people being paid to do it. Worth a look on Youtube.

   
• New Midnight! I swear, Fly By Midnight is incapable of making music I don't like...

The stock animation video is disappointing, but I would much rather them work on new songs than make videos, so it's all good.

   
• Mappa Mundi! As I have mentioned many, many times... I love maps. This short video about "The Greatest Map of the Medieval World" is a gem...

I could spend the rest of my life reading about and looking at maps and never get bored. Especially early maps, where they are about imagination almost as much as they are about seeing the world.

   
• My Queen! I do not, in any capacity, understand the hate towards drag queens. Except I do. They are one of the newer in a long series of unjustified targets giving conservatives something to enrage their base with. Drag queens are just entertainers. That's it. They dress up and they entertain. And that used to be okay. TV shows and movies and books featured men dressing up as women on the regular. Guys like Flip Wilson built an entire career around it. But now? Despite vast evidence to the contrary, the Christian Right is painting them as a danger towards children... EVEN THOUGH THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE! Want to protect kids? Keep them the fuck away from one of the biggest verifiable threats: Christian religious leaders. But anyway... I am a huge fan of this art form. I've been to a couple drag shows and have seen every episode of RuPaul's Drag Race. But my favorite, favorite drag-related thing is Trixie Mattel's YouTube channel. Trixie is brutally and hilariously up-front about her life (as is the artist who becomes her, Brian Firkus). And make no mistake, this is an artist. Just look at what it takes for Trixie to perform...

   
• Heart Stopped! And just because one cannot have enough Trixie Mattel, here she is with her Netflix Watch show featuring Katya, and the show being watched is Heartstopper Season 02. While not exactly safe for work, this is a lot of hilarity to be had. Seriously, this is one of the funniest things I've seen in a long while...

It feels like it should take Teams of comedy writers to churn out this much material. I cannot wait for Trixie Motel Season 2: Drag Me Home to get here. Drag queens and home renovation in one show? Sign me up. The first season was a lot of fun to watch.

   
• Storytime! After watching the above video, I got some recommendations of videos that other Heartstopper actors have been in. Including this magical video of Nima Taleghani (who plays Mr. Farouk) reading from The Smuggled Person's Tale...

I would listen to him read just about anything. But, more importantly, I would watch him read just about anything. He looks like he's excitedly anticipating every word. And then is thrilled to say it. And then he emotes every thought so beautifully. The guy loves to read and it shows. And isn't that the way that you would want books to be read to you? I went rushing to his IMDB to see what other things he's been in... and was disappointed to find out that it's just a smattering of smaller roles, and Heartstopper is the only substantial role he seems to have been given. How? Why isn't he being cast in absolutely everything?

   
• Cowboys! Willie Nelson is 90 years old. Ninety. If he can participate in a collab like this? Yeah, do not hand me any bullshit about old bigots getting a homophobia pass because they're from "a different time"...

Orville Peck, on top of being a friend of Trixie Mattel (see above), has a great voice, is talented, and seems like a very nice person whenever I see him in interviews. But he's gay, so of course the bigots say he can't possibly be a real country musician (the same people going off on Beyoncé right now, I'd imagine).

   
And that's a wrap on all this bullet nonsense.

I was only away from Jake and Jenny for two nights.

They have automated feeders. Automated litter boxes. Multiple water fountains. And neighbors who know I was gone and will step up if there's an explosion or something. And yet? I am still checking in on the security cameras multiple times a day to make sure the food is dispensing and there's nothing wrong. I know parents who are not this concerned about their children, so I'm either a really good cat dad or they're really bad parents. Or both.

Except...

Maybe the bad parents are actually the better parents.

I looked in and saw Jenny laying on the electric blanket. I was all guilty and "AWWWWWW!" so I remotely heated up that blanket. Just a little treat for her since I wasn't there (I intentionally leave it lumpy and messed up because the cats like to nest, the rest of the bed is totally made, I swear!)...

Later I got a notice that the automated feeders had triggered, so I looked in, and... no Jenny? This is incredibly unusual. Jake is sometimes late to a meal because he's lazy, but Jenny? Never. She is sprinting for the food the second she hears that kibble hit the bowl.

So I look at all the cameras and... he's still on the blanket?

I'm immediately worried she's dead, so I scrub the camera footage to see if she's been moving. AND OF COURSE SHE HAS BEEN! SHE JUST LIKES A WARM BLANKET! MY BAD! So by being the "good cat dad" I've deprived my cat of her lunch. Because this time Jake was not lazy. And of course he ate all the food.

And now I'm home.

Whether I'm gone 8 hours or 8 days, Jake comes running the minute I open the door so he can get petted. And it seems like every time he wants to be petted more. And when I don't pet him as much as he wants, he follows me around crying.

Whether I'm gone 8 hours or 8 days, Jenny hides from the total stranger invading her house. Eventually, if she doesn't hear her brother getting murdered, she'll peek out and see what's happening. Then, if I move too fast, run out of the room as fast as she can because apparently she thinks I'm a cat murderer after all.

But, hey, at least they survived my absence and didn't burn the house down, so I'm good.

I had to wake up early so I could have an early drive to an early doctor appointment that was early.

Color me shocked, there was no traffic down the usually-heinous-especially-on-a-Friday 405 East of Seattle. I anticipated a 40-45 minute commute. I did it in 18 minutes. Which means I was nearly an hour early for my appointment. I was a bit hungry (and finally feeling like eating again), so I decided to grab breakfast. Much to my delight, a Panera was 8 minutes away. Perfect.

Boo! BOOOOO!!!

Boo, Panera Bread!

Instead of the gooey, delicious, egg over-medium that you used to get, they’ve switched to that same gross, spongy, slimy "egg" that McDonalds has! DAY. RUINED. I was all "Guess I’ll just sit here in the parking lot of the eye clinic and cry." AND COULD YOU BLAME ME? LOOK AT THIS! JUST LOOK AT THIS!!!

Argh. And the shit was really expensive too.

Boy oh boy did I used to love being in a city that had a Panera in it.

But back to the traffic (or lack thereof)... what is going on? Roads in Bellevue were practically empty. In Bellevue! Didn’t even have to use express lanes to drive 65 the entire way to the city... ON THE 405, FOR GOD’S SAKE. Did The Rapture happen three days early? Are we in a National Day of Mourning because somebody famous died?!? Please tell me it’s not Skylar Astin! I need more So Help Me Todd!

But anyway... mission accomplished.

More or less.

After the kidney stone nightmare last night (and this morning), I decided to work from home today just in case there was still a fragment left to come. Or my nausea returned. Or whatever.

After lunch I noticed that my right leg hurt pretty bad. I take a look and... yep... I've got a massive bruise on the front of my upper leg and the side of my lower leg. Absolutely no clue how I did it. I was in such a huge amount of pain that I could have gotten hit by a car and barely noticed. Maybe I did get hit by a car!

The good news is that I get to share this awesome drawing of the male urinary system that I drew up in one of my past posts about kidney stones...

I was pretty tender on my right side all day today, but actual pain was minimal. I managed to keep an Eggo waffle down for lunch (no butter, no syrup), get a huge chunk of work done, and drive over the mountains for my appointment tomorrow, so I'm calling the day a win.

As for the drive itself, it was pretty crazy. Roads were clear. But there was a lot of snow assaulting me going up the pass and hardly any visibility coming down the pass. I was excited to post a few photos of it all, but my dashcam cord has gone bad and my camera wasn't on for the whole trip. Maybe if you just picture A WHITEOUT... JUST WHITE EVERYWHERE... and that will be close enough.

And now, for your reading enjoyment, I present... A TIMELIME OF HORRIFIC SUFFERING...

• 5:40pm I leave work to get cleaned up so I can see a friend's photos from a trip he took.
• 6:15pm I have a faux-cheese sandwich for dinner.
• 7:30pm I arrive at my friend's house. Everybody else had dinner earlier (which I was invited to, but skipped, because I don't like to make life difficult for people over my dietary choices) but I did snack a little on crackers, carrots, and hummus that was left over.
• 8:15pm I bow out early because I feel some kind of abdominal distress coming on. From what, exactly, I have no idea.
• 8:30pm I get home, take an antacid, and output some PDFs for work to email out for review.
• 9:10pm Starting to get really uncomfortable now. I decide to call it an early night.
• 9:20pm And now I get it. I've felt this before. Kidney stones. I haven't had one since 2017.
• 9:30pm There goes the contents of my stomach.
• 9:40pm And now I'm in serious pain. I take one of my three remaining Oxycodone/Anti-Nausea combos I have left from 2017. Immediately throw it up.
• 9:50pm The pain is almost overwhelming, so I try one of my two remaining Oxycodone/Anti-Nausea combos. It goes no better. Even the small sip of water was too much and everything comes right back up.
• 10:00pm I have now reached the "Begging for Death Stage." I am very close to calling a friend to take me to the hospital for a pain-killer IV, but all I can think about is how it will cost me thousands of dollars since I'm nowhere close to my massive insurance deductible.
• 10:30pm At this point, I'm crossing my fingers that I'll just pass out from the agony.
• 11:20pm Time has no meaning. Has it been hours? Days? Weeks? I don't know. My cats have abandoned me because I'm pretty much screaming non-stop. It doesn't no good, but I can't help myself. I keep running to the bathroom to throw up, but there's nothing to throw up.
• 12:07am I know it was 12:07am because that's what it said on my clock when I decided to take my final Oxycodone/Anti-Nausea combo. Now I have something to throw up.
• 1:20am According to my Apple Watch, I passed out for 35 minutes or so. I have no recollection of it. According to what I remember, I was awake and screaming the whole time. This actually makes me happy, because it meant my cats had a break from being absolutely terrorized.
• 2:30am Around this time, I am crawling around my house looking through every pill bottle I can find to see if there's another hit of Oxy I can throw up. There is not. I contemplate the hospital again, feeling like the pain will never end.
• 3:30am Around this time, the pain starts to recede.
• 3:40am The pain isn't gone, but it might as well be. I have two soda crackers and a sip of water to celebrate. Nothing gets thrown up, so I guess the worst is over. I drink a full glass of water and try and get some sleep.
• 7:20am I wake up and take a whiz. That wonderful feeling of having a needle stabbing inside my urethra is both painful and a relief, because I know it's now officially over. UNLESS THERE IS A SECOND ONE SOMEWHERE ALL UP IN MY BUSINESS!
• A full day of work followed by a drive over the mountains, trivia night at a bar where I was smart enough to eat very little and drink no alcohol (but not smart enough at trivia), and an early bedtime.

Let's not be doing that again any time soon.

Greetings at 3:45am on Thursday morning!

I have kidney stones!

I figured it out because I've been screaming in pain for the past 6 hours. Still hurting, but I really, really hope the worst of it is finally over, because... holy crap is this unreal. I used to get them regularly. Like clockwork once a year. But then they mysteriously stopped, and I haven't had one since 2017. Probably because I started drinking lemonade regularly? No idea why they're back.

What's bothering me most... other than the sheer agony, of course... is that I really should have had somebody drive me to the hospital. When the pain is so bad that I can't keep down pain medication, I used to go and have them give me an IV so I can get through it. But now? The whole time I was terrorizing my cats with my yelling, I was thinking "I know it will pass eventually... so can I really afford a hospital visit? No. I will just continue to be in absolute agony to see if can get through this on my own."

What kind of FUCKED UP "health care" system is it where somebody has to be screaming for six hours because a hospital visit is off the table for them? I have no fucking clue what we're even doing. Guess I should be glad it wasn't ten hours. Or days.

We'll find out exactly how bad our "health care" is tomorrow (today?) when I go in for a consultation for yet another eye surgery. Where the entire time I'll be thinking "Do I really need to see that badly?"