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I say whip it! Whip it Dole good!

Posted on October 2nd, 2024

Dave!As I mentioned way too many times, my favorite thing to do at Walt Disney World is eat. I love their beautifully-themed, over-priced, high-end restaurants which have delicious food.

But I also like the snacky things... like the churros, popcorn, and fries. It's all good because you're in Walt Disney World. But you know the one snack thing that I love more than any other? Dole Whip. My favorite is the original Pineapple Dole Whip you can get in Adventureland. But there's also Orange Bird's Sunshine Tree Terrace, which has Orange and other flavors (like Strawberry). Disney Springs and some of the Disney hotels also have various varieties of Dole Whip... all of them very tasty.

I had mentioned to my friends who actually work at the resort how I was sad I couldn't have a Dole Whip Float whenever I want... and how jealous I was that they could have it whenever they want.

They're response? "Oh but you can!"

And they gifted me a big bag of Dole Whip mix (that they got on Amazon)...

A bad of authentic Dole Whip!

The stuff is dairy-free and vegan, fat-free, cholesterol-free, gluten-free, peanut-free, and totally delicious. All you have to do is mix it with water! The bag makes 89 servings(!) and is meant to be run through a soft-serve machine. I don't have one of those, but I do have a Ninja CREAMi machine. You just mix 2 cups of water with 2/3 cup of mix, freeze it in the CREAMi canister overnight, then run it through on the "Frozen Yogurt" setting. Simple.

And it tastes exactly like what you get at Walt Disney World. Probably because it is what you get at Disney World. You can pipe it through a big star-tip if you want it to look more like Dole Whip, but it'll take practice to make it swirl correctly...

Dole Whip made at home!
Don't worry, my swirl with get better as I work on it!

   
There's also a "copycat" recipe floating around which you can make in your blender (if you don't have a soft serve or CREAMi machine) that we tried...

  • 1 scoop of vanilla ice cream
  • 2 cups of frozen pineapple chunks
  • 4oz. of pineapple juice

It's tasty... but not as sweet as the real stuff (which might be a plus for some people). It tastes much more like actual pineapple than Dole Whip does. It also lacks the various stabilizers and gums which makes the original so darn creamy. We struggled to get my Ninja Blender to mix the stuff properly, so we ended up mixing in more pineapple juice. I think if I would have used more ice cream with it, then it might have tasted more authentic. For what it is, it's a terrific treat. But it ain't Dole Whip.

So...

If you love Dole Whip like I do, buying the actual mix will get you there. If you don't have a soft serve or CREAMi machine, you might try freezing the mixture in ice cube trays and pulverizing the cubes in a blender or food processor with a little pineapple juice to try and get it to work that way.

Then close your eyes, take a bite, and you're at a Disney park!

   

Bullet Sunday 389 – D2324 Edition PART TWO

Posted on August 12th, 2024

Dave!Did you take your Mouseketeer ears off? Well put them back on, because PART TWO of a very special, all new D23 Edition of Bullet Sunday on Monday focusing on the TV and movies stuff starts... now...

   
• Agatha! Marvel's marketing for the new Agatha Harkness series has been genius. The kept changing the title, which was worrisome... like they didn't know what they were doing... but then they announce it was Agatha All Along and the joke was too good (IYKYK). And now we have a trailer...

Looks like it could be entertaining. A little sinister. Except it also looks like there's going to be a lot of time of her coven not having powers, which isn't great. One month and some change away, so I guess we'll see.

   
• Maui! I loved Moana. It was beautifully realized, was funny in the right places, had a good story, and featured amazing songs by Lin Manuel Miranda who, sadly, isn't returning for the sequel...

Still looks stunningly beautiful.

   
• IncrediSequel! Pixar's gorgeously stylized world of The Incredibles is a real joy in my life. I've watched, studied, and obsessed the two movies over and over. And now there's a third one coming...

Incredibles 3 Logo.
Copyright ©2024 by Disney and Pixar

Cannot tell you how much I'm looking forward to this!

   
• More Video! Here's a run-down on all the stuff that was talked about. Think there was also something about Percy Jackson but I don't know what it is.

  • Zootopia 2 - This was a good film with fully-realized world-building that was cool to watch. Apparently they took their time to get the sequel right, so I am anticipating good things.
  • Frozen 3 - The sequel to Frozen, however, was a complete mess. Overly-complex and nonsensical, I couldn't believe the direction they took the story. While it was good to see the characters again, I really hated it. Hopefully the threequel will right the ship.
  • Dream Productions - A spin-off from the wildly successful Inside Out movies, I'm not a huge fan of the material so this is kinda lost on me. Maybe the concept will make things interesting enough to watch, but it doesn't seem like something I'll want to watch.
  • Win or Lose - I have heard nothing about Pixar's first TV series, but it's debuting December 6th, so I guess I'll find out what it's about soon.
  • Elio - I love me the sci-fi and the teasers we've gotten for Elio are almost too good to be true. Except... we're not getting anything significant about the movie. At D23 we learned that Zoey Saldaña is joining the cast and a new trailer which looks phenomenal (it's been leaked though not officially released yet). This is near the top of my list of films I'm looking forward to.
  • Hoppers - A young girl who can transfer her mind into a beaver? Alan Tudyk? TAKE MY MONEY!
  • Toy Story 5 - I honestly thought that the franchise should have ended with Toy Story 3 because it was such a perfect end to the story. But then we got Toy Story 4 and it was fantastic, so now I'm optimistic that Pixar can pull another miracle out of their battered old hat.
  • Skeleton Crew - As much as I'm mortified at the thought of a Star Wars series featuring kids... the fact that Jude law is in this kinda has me intrigued to see how it's going to go. The trailer certainly looks interesting.
  • Andor: Season 2 - One of the absolute best shows to ever come out of Star Wars (heck it's better than most of the movies too), Andor was shockingly good. And we're promised that the second and final season leading right into Rogue One is even better? Sign me up.
  • The Mandalorian & Grogu - I don't like the idea that Disney is milking the franchise by cutting a movie out of it (this should have been the next season of the series) but I am excited to see it. Sure, The Mandalorian has stumbled a bit, but it's still a show I love and look forward to.
  • Marvel Studios - I talked about their announcements from Comic Con here.
  • Ironheart - A huge part of me wonders why this series seems to keep getting buried. Now it's not debuting until frickin' September 2025?!? At least they brought Ryan Coogler out to assure everybody it's not dead (like I'm assuming Armor Wars is). But where's info about his animated Eyes of Wakanda series? When does that come out? Is it still 2024? It had to be mentioned, but I'm not seeing it talked about?
  • Daredevil: Born Again When it comes to television adaptations, the Netflix Daredevil series is top-tier. Marvel Studios knew not to mess with perfection, so they are integrating the show into the MCU. And there are few things in television land that I'm looking forward to more. Especially after watching the leaked trailer, which looks like everything we could want. When the trailer is officially released I'll definitely be breaing that down.
  • Avatar: Fire and Ash - =sigh= we keep being told that the third Avatar flick will be a complete departure from what's come before. And Lord, I hope so. Because right now I can appreciate the movies from a technical standpoint because the visuals are mind-blowing, but they are only mildly entertaining from a story viewpoint. The sequel was more of the same, trying to get you to care about giant blue people by injecting tragedy into their story. I'm betting Fire and Ash will be more more of the same. How many blue kids do they have left to kill off? One for each of the planned sequels, I guess.
  • Freakier Friday - This was created because of "demand" from fans, but that seems a suspect claim to be making. At least they aged up the characters so they're not pretending the sequel takes place a week after the first film.
  • Lilo & Stitch (Live-Action Remake) - Oh gag. The original movie is one of my favorite films of all time. The direct-to-video sequels and television show are something I've watched many times. And what makes it perfect is that the animation was this gorgeous 2D throwback that's incredible to watch. So why make a 3D live-action remake to trash it? I will talk more about this travesty as more info is released, but right now the CGI Stitch character is abhorrent, and they really need to take another pass at it or face a "Sonic the Hedgehog" situation.
  • Snow White - And speaking of shitty, unnecessary remakes... this one is highly problematic, even for Disney. Because when you've got people like Peter Dinklage outright trashing the idea, shouldn't you reconsider going there? I couldn't be less interested.
  • Tron: Ares - The leaked trailer throws the series into a direction which should have been obvious after the ending of Tron: Legacy, but seemed too wild to entertain. Not too sure how I feel about Jared Leto being in this... or Jeff Bridges, which should be impossible... and it's weird that Sam and Quorra are nowhere to be found given the story, so has Tron: Legacy been removed from continuity? Is this a full-on reboot of the franchise? Very confusing.
  • Mufasa: The Lion King - I'm so meh on all these live-action movies of beloved animated films. There's been so few that have been worth my valuable time (I liked The Jungle Book, but that's it) so I honestly don't care about yet another one strip-mining Disney's treasures for cash.

   
And that's a wrap on D23 because I refuse to talk about Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's Monster Truck movie... because didn't somebody already make a monster truck movie that failed miserably?

   

Bullet Sunday 389 – D2324 Edition PART ONE

Posted on August 11th, 2024

Dave!Put your Mouseketeer ears on... because a very special, all new D23 Edition of Bullet Sunday starts... now...

   
• D23! I've been fixated on all things Disney since I was a kid, and it's not something that's faded away. As I've gotten older I've just shifted my focus to the work that goes into making Disney happen. The animation that goes into the films and shows. The imagineering that goes into the parks and properties. The drive. The creativity. The planning. It's all so fascinating to me. Which means the D23 Expo which Disney puts on to announce the stuff that's going on is something I look forward to each year. So let's take a look at some of my favorite things that happened, shall we?

   
• Villains Land! While Disney has been teasing this for decades, Universal Studio's Universal Monsters Land at their upcoming Epic Universe park finally made them get off their stupid asses and actually make it happen. For the love of God I don't understand why Disney has been so regressive in their parks given how profitable they are. They limp along, giving us remakes of old rides by slapping new window dressing on them like Tiana's Bayou Adventure... drop new attractions after frustratingly long intervals like Guardians of the Galaxy: Cosmic Rewind, Mickey's Runaway Railway, and TRON: Lightcycle Run... but the only thing that's really been new-new at the American parks has been Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge Land from five years ago. Meanwhile Universal Studios has been eating their lunch by dropping tons of cool stuff at their parks on a regular basis and building an entirely new park. So thank you, Universal, for being the reason that Villains Land is finally happening...

Disney World Villains Land concept art showing spooky atmosphere and dark, anti-Disney theming.
Copyright ©2024 by Disney

Getting new attractions beats having Disney whining about stagnating attendance. BUT WHEN YOU KEEP RAISING PRICES IN A POOR ECONOMY WHILE NOT DOING SOMETHING EPIC TO DRAW IN NEW VISITORS, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU EXPECT?!? It's like Disney management is brain dead. They just want to keep the status quo, not spend any money to do great things people want to see, then expect people will continue to pay for that just because their Disney. It's just so bizarre.

   
• Monsters, Inc. Land! Wow. It's like Disney has been reading my blog or something. I have long said that Disney Parks is missing a massive opportunity by saddling Monsters, Inc. with lackluster attractions. Laugh Floor is boring. And the videos of Mike & Sulley to the Rescue! doesn't look much better with its lackluster animatronic retreads from the disastrous Superstar Limo ride that was a total bomb. But creating Monstropolis at Disney Studios and coming up with an actual attraction that's worthy of the movies? I'm all in...

An artist rendering of an overview of Monstropolis.
Copyright ©2024 by Disney and Pixar

An artist rendering of people greeting the monsters on the streets of Monstropolis.
Copyright ©2024 by Disney and Pixar

A ride concept art showing people flying around the doors storage warehouse from Monsters, Inc.
Copyright ©2024 by Disney and Pixar

Interesting that Disney doesn't have a suspended coaster attraction and this will be the first one. Looks darn good, if the implementation is anything like the concept art. Reeeeeally going to need to convey massive depth for that to work. Looks like it's not, so I hope that there's an illusion or screen extension or something...

A model mockup of the Monster's ride.

I'm hopeful that Disney doesn't cheap out on this, because it could be such a cool attraction if they put the money into it.

   
• Cars Land... East! California Adventure has had a Cars Land for a while. It features the excellent Radiator Springs Racers attraction, a version of which is coming to... Frontierland in Magic Kingdom? FRONTIERLAND?!? Bonkers. Apparently this will be themed to the American West to "fit in"... albeit in an animated contemporary setting (seriously... this is bonkers). Which is essentially a mountain version of Radiator Springs Racers...

Concept art showing people riding around in cars from Cars in the mountains.
Copyright ©2024 by Disney and Pixar

Concept art showing people riding around in cars from Cars in the mountains.
Copyright ©2024 by Disney and Pixar

There's also a kid-friendly ride coming, which looks like a retread of Autopia. Something I thought would happen to the literal Autopia in Disneyland and Tomorrowland Speedway in Magic Kingdom...

Kids in jeeps at a finish line.
Copyright ©2024 by Disney and Pixar

Don't know if this means that Tomorrowland Speedway will be paved over for something new, exciting, and completely inappropriate for the space... but we can hope!

   
• Talk About Bruno! It would appear that Walt Disney World is paving over Dinoland U.S.A. in Animal Kingdom to create a Tropical Americas Land. This will involve a new Encanto attraction that's a ride through Casa Madrigal...

It's the Casa Madrigal from Encanto!
Copyright ©2024 by Disney and Pixar

People in a ride vehicle watching the cast of Encanto sing.
Copyright ©2024 by Disney and Pixar

And they'll also be tearing out the theming in DINOSAUR to make it become a new Indiana Jones attraction. Which is ironic given that DINOSOAUR is a retread of the much, much better Countdown to Extincion attraction that used to be there. The Indy ride will have a bit of a head start because DINOSAUR uses the same vehicles that are used in the Indiana Jones Adventure ride in Disneyland...

The Indiana Jones concept art for the new attraction. People walking towards a temple.
Copyright ©2024 by Disney and Lucasfilm

The Indiana Jones concept art showing people in a jeep watching Indiana Jones discovering a temple.
Copyright ©2024 by Disney and Lucasfilm

No idea what in the heck these attractions have to do with animals to belong in Animal Kingdom, but here we are. Remember when Disney was focused on building immersive experiences that created entire worlds? Well that's out the window now, apparently (see: Cars Land above). At least Pandora tried to build attractions that have alien animals in it.

   
• Avengers... Assemble? I haven't been to Disneyland's Avengers Campus because the scathing reviews make it sound like there's just no reason to go. They slapped Guardians of the Galaxy all over Tower of Terror then surrounded it with crap which has impressed nobody. Apparently Disney is finally going to address that by tossing in two new "E-Ticket" attractions. The fist being Stark Flight Lab (featuring Robert Downey Jr.)...

Concept art showing guests flying in chairs attached to arms in a laboratory setting.
Copyright ©2024 by Disney and Marvel Studios

The second ride is Infinity Defense which will have you helping the Avengers battle Thanos in New York...

Concept art showing guests watching the Avengers battle Thanos.
Copyright ©2024 by Disney and Marvel Studios

The ride vehicles makes it look like this is a rehash of what Universal Studios did for their Spider-Man ride. Regardless, it also looks I finally may have a reason to give a shit about California Adventure again. That's nice.

   
• Coco! And speaking of California Adventure, it's also getting a new boat ride based on Coco, which will hopefully be a wash of color with fantastic animatronics and a good story as promised in the concept art...

People in a boat watching a scene unfold from Coco.
Copyright ©2024 by Disney and Pixar

Anything less would be a complete waste of everybody's time.

   
• Avatar! And yet another new attraction announced for California Adventure is something based on Avatar: Way of Water that's, surprise, another boat ride...

People in a boat watching a scene unfold from Coco.
Copyright ©2024 by Disney and Lightstorm

People in a boat watching another scene unfold from Coco.
Copyright ©2024 by Disney and Lightstorm

A mock-up model of the new Pandora ride exterior
Copyright ©2024 by Disney

I don't know if this will be in California Adventure proper (which seems to be rapidly running out of room) or if it's part of the Disneyland Forward expansion. Either way, it will be nice to get some fresh IP in the park.

   
• Walt Disney: A Magical Life! The idea of having an animatronic Walt Disney talk to people ala the Abraham Lincoln attraction seems like a no-brainer. Apparently the issue was waiting for technology to catch up to the point where Disney was satisfied that Walt could be brought to life, and now we're here...

Concept art of Walt Disney animatronic on a stage while people watch.
Copyright ©2024 by Disney

So as not to enrage fans of Great Moments with Mr. Lincoln, Walt Disney: A Magical Life will somehow rotate with the existing Disneyland show. I would be very interested in seeing how that's going to work. Are the show stages on motorized engines which slide them into place? Hoping that they release a behind-the-scenes documentary on Disney+ for that.

   
• Lion King Paris! Apparently Disneyland Paris is bypassing Tiana's Bayou Adventure and getting a Lion King flume ride instead...

A Lion King flume ride with animals watching people plunge down a waterfall.
Copyright ©2024 by Disney

Remains to be seen if they do something stupid like making the ride be some kind of unwanted sequel to the film like Tiana's Bayou Adventure or actually try to tell the story of the movie which is what everybody wants to see.

   
• Spider-Coaster Shanghai! And Shanghai Disneyland is getting a roller coaster based on Spider-Man...

Spider-Man swinging around the track of a coaster.
Copyright ©2024 by Disney and Marvel Studios

I hope they make it more exciting than the crappy Incredicoaster that they made for California Adventure. Slapping static statues on sticks around the track is just sad.

   
• Spider-Man Hong Kong! Also in Asia? What looks like a Spider-Man drop-tower ride looks like it's coming to Hong Kong Disneyland...


Copyright ©2024 by Disney and Marvel Studios

I can't think of drop rides in Disney Parks with the exception of Twilight Zone: Tower of Terror in Magic Kingdom, the former inferior duplicate in California Adventure (which now has a Guardians of the Galaxy makeover, and another copy in Disneyland Paris. It will be nice to see a fresh take on the concept.

Sorry Tokyo Disneyland and Tokyo DisneySea, nothing new for you!

   
And that's a wrap on D23 PART ONE. See you next entry!

   

I’m Going to Pixarland!

Posted on June 21st, 2024

Dave!Back in 2001, Disneyland finally got a second park. Walt Disney World had gotten a second park in 1982 (Epcot), a third in 1989 (Hollywood Studios), and a fourth in 1998 (Animal Kingdom)... so it was a long time coming. The difference being that Walt Disney World has vast amounts of land to expand, whereas Disneyland doesn't. Sure, there's going to be a planned expansion to the Disneyland Hotel side of the street, but it's just not a lot of land because there's hotels there. Nope... whatever was going to end up across from Disneyland was the only shot they had at doing something truly spectacular.

But instead we got California Adventure...

Paradise Pier and Mickey's Fun Wheel

Filled with a bunch of cheap, boring, off-the-rack rides that were themed to the idea of "California," the park was hardly worth waiting for. It was shit. I mean, seriously, Superstar Limo?!? My God. Disney had so badly lost its way that one can't help but think that Walt Disney himself would be disgusted in what's been attached to his name.

The exception being the fantastic attractions Soarin' Over California and the California Screamin' coaster, which were the only reason to waste your time walking over from Disneyland. An argument could be made that Twilight Zone Tower of Terror was also an exception, but it was a seriously dumbed-down version of the spectacular original from Walt Disney World, so I disagree.

But anyway...

Disney found out immediately by the overwhelmingly negative response to their cheap-ass abomination that they done fucked up (I made a special trip to see it and was livid that it was such a waste of time and money). You can't make a theme park on the cheap and expect people will embrace it just because you slapped the Disney name on it. They were forced to start revising things almost immediately, then announced a major renovation in 2007, just six years after it opened.

Eventually we got "Cars Land" which had the excellent Radiator Springs Racers, and "Pixar Pier" which had the fun Toy Story Midway Mania but that was it. Everything else that they've slapped on this massive failure has been mediocre to awful.

The nerfed Twilight Zone Tower of Terror became Guardians of the Galaxy Mission Breakout, which was okay, I guess. But they slapped it in the middle of "Avengers Campus" which is horrifically bad. This new "land" was ill-conceived and, shocker, cheap.

California Screamin' got re-themed to The Incredibles' Incredicoaster which is so cheap as to be embarrassing. They just plopped a bunch of static characters around the coaster, including the infamous Jack-Jack "babies on sticks" and Violet's disembodied head, and took away many of the things that made California Screamin' such a fun coaster. Which is to say that it was a massive downgrade.

Despite being a cheap-ass park, California Adventure was at least thematically cohesive. They did their best to actually adhere to the concept of "California" and make sure that everything was beautifully-appointed and had good flow. But now? It's a disjointed, incohesive mess that keeps having less and less to do with California. An obvious re-skin done on the cheap with precious few good attractions (and that beautiful World of Color show) to make it worth visiting.

So what to do?

The Pixar Pier section of California Adventure is the place for all things Pixar... but not including the Cars movies or the Monsters, Inc. movies, which both have rides in other sections of the park. Which begs the question... why not just convert the entire park to become Pixarland... the perfect compliment to Disneyland. But stop being so fucking cheap about it.

Build out a cohesive game plan for how the park "lands" should be defined and how they flow into each other [Cars Land, Toy Story Pier, Monsterstropolis (the Monster's, Inc. city), Metroville (the Incredibles city) etc., this is not rocket science]. Then go attraction by attraction to revise or replace the cheap crap and turn it into something Disney-worthy. Start with Incredicoaster... re-track it to not be so rough, then make it worth being associate with Disney by adding animatronics and decent effects instead of babies on sticks and other stupid crap. Then move on to the next. Then the next.

No idea how to integrate Soarin' (which was ruined when they turned it to "Around the World" instead of "California") but Imagineers are clever. Maybe it could be a ride where you're soarin' like the house in Up or something. Avengers Campus can just be scrapped entirely. And if you can slap a Guardians of the Galaxy Band-Aid on Tower of Terror, then how hard is it to do it again with a Pixar property? Doing a Coco-themed drop-ride that takes you through a colorful adventure through the Land of the Dead could be so cool. And can you imagine if the rest of Avengers Campus was turned into the city of Santa Cecilia that's celebrating Día de Muertos (Day of the Dead) 365 days a year? Make it colorful and fun... so cool...

Coco's Day of the Dead celebration

I dunno. Maybe Pixarland isn't the answer... but there's gotta be an answer somewhere. Because right now California Adventure has very little to do with California and is a cheap, shitty park that nobody want's to bother with because there's limited E-Ticket experiences and precious little Disney magic to be had.

Disneyland deserves better.

As do Disney parks fans.

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The Most Magical Whatever on Earth

Posted on October 25th, 2022

Dave!As a kid, I was a massively huge fan of Disneyland. I dreamed of going for years before my family finally made the trip down to California. Once I got there, it truly was the most magical place on earth... at least it was to me.

It was from that point on that I became a hardcore Disney Parks geek. I would visit Disneyland, Walt Disney World, and even Tokyo Disneyland over the years just to keep up with whatever cool rides and experiences they had added. That lead me into becoming once of those infamous "Disney Adults" that keep getting trashed by assholes who are mad that they have to stand in line with their bratty kids to ride the rides... using the justification that "Disney is for kids."

To which I say "Fuck off" because kids invade my space all the time. So even if I bought into the argument that "Disney is for kids" (which I do not), I wouldn't care.

But anyway...

I haven't managed to make my way to any of the Disney parks for years. I really want to see the completed Pandora - The World of Avatar land in Animal Kingdom at Walt Disney World. And Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge at either USA park. But I have a serious problem with the way that Disney is letting the parks go downhill thanks to shitty decisions made by CEO Bob Chapek. The gutting of perks from staying at Disney hotels. The total shitshow that's the "Genie+" service (pay more to get less!). The meandering lack of direction and general stagnation. It's as if all the things that make Disney parks a magical place have been falling by the wayside.

Meanwhile over at Universal Studios...

Yeah, Universal is slowly starting to eat Disney's lunch. On top of investing a lot of time and money into cutting-edge experiences and maintaining hotel perks, they're building an entirely new park in Orlando. Not an extra land, but a whole new third park.

Called Universal's Epic Universe the information coming out of its construction is pretty amazing. We're getting four dedicated lands: Super Nintendo World, Universal Monsters, Wizarding World, and How to Train Your Dragon... along with a central hub (complete with its own attractions) and plenty of room for expansion...


Photo by @BioreConstruct with overlay by @TonyHawkins

This isn't just "Blue Sky" promises about stuff that might happen, this is Universal literally building their future.

So I dunno. Maybe Disney will pull through and actually manage to get Disneyland Westside going. Maybe their rumored "Disney Villains" land and "Frozen" land will actually happen in Orlando. Maybe they'll start adding perks back to the hotels so that the massive price tag is worth it.

But until then... I just don't know that a few new rides is enough to make me book a trip to Orlando.

But Epic Universe is shaping up to be something that might.

   

I’m Going to Disneyland

Posted on March 18th, 2022

Dave!As I mentioned a while back, I pre-spent my tax refund money on a new desk chair and an Xbox Series S. I had an Xbox One back in the day, but ended up giving it away because I wasn't playing it. But last year Halo Infinite was released and I wanted to play it, so I found a cheap Xbox to do that.

Halo Infinite is pretty darn good. It's open-world, which is tasty, and the graphics are pretty spectacular. But I'm not going to talk about Master Chief and Halo. I'm here to talk about a game that has really been wasting my time: Disneyland Adventures (which is included in Xbox Game Pass).

Now, here's where things get weird.

As a GAME, Disneyland Adventures is 100% shit. You play "attractions" so that you can perform tasks for various Disney characters. But the "attractions" have shitty controls, are frustrating for me as an adult (NO idea how kids are supposed to play this crap), and I hate them.

But as a SIMULATION of literal Disneyland? This is one pretty great experience. I've been to Disneyland a bunch of times, and they got so much of it right. I mean, some things are missing... licensed properties like Star Tours and Indiana Jones Adventure are missing (the game was made in 2011 before Disney bought Lucasfilm) as is stuff added after 2011 (like Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge). And Jack Sparrow has been replaced by "Black Barty" for some reason. But still... if you've been to Disneyland, it's pretty amazing to see how faithful they tried to be to the park...

Now, as I mentioned, the controls are shitty. It was originally designed to be played via Kinect, a motion controller, but I don't think that Kinect works with Series X|S machines, so you have to use a controller. Which is no problem to run around looking for stuff, filling your photo album, finding hidden Mickey's, getting autographs, and stuff like that.

So that's what I've been doing.

Alas, since the mini games are so awful to play with a controller, there's only so far in the game I can get. You perform all kinds of favors for the Disney characters, but eventually they want you to do something inside an attraction, and I'm not up for the frustration, so I'm blocked from continuing. Eventually I'll be blocked from finishing the game completely and won't be able to finish at 100%, but that's okay. In the meanwhile it's a fun way to visit Disneyland in these COVID times.

Even if my avatar in the game looks creepy as hell.

   

FASTPASS! FassssstPasssss!

Posted on December 14th, 2021

Dave!If you're a Disney Parks fan, the video posted below is fascinating (AND HAS A TWIST!).

I've been to Disneyland and Walt Disney World a disproportionate amount of times because my work took me there quite a lot (for six years I was at both parks at least once a year... usually two or three). Ultimately, I think the whole "FastPass/FastPass+/MaxPass" thing makes the parks worse for most people. But, as somebody who was put up at the park hotels (and got all the perks that this entails) and who learned very quickly how to game the system, it worked out great for me.

Ultimately it all comes down to money. If you spend a lot of money, you can pay to game the system. But if you can't afford to pay extra to stay at pricey Disney hotels and pay for access, you're basically screwed. And Disney is fine with that... so long as attendance keeps rising.

A vacation to any Disney Park for a family of four is bank-breaking. The fact that a family could save for years to be able to afford to go... only to have a miserable time because they can't afford to pay extra so they aren't spending most of their time in a line... is heartbreaking.

But boy is the science behind what Disney does interesting. This video is an hour and forty minutes. I did not notice the time fly by because I'm a math and Disney whore like that...

In some ways, I'm not opposed to the idea of charging more for a better experience. Maybe you save your money for three years instead of two years to get a better vacation. But in more ways, this is abhorrent. A vacation to Disney parks is already hugely expensive. Making it even *more* expensive rewards wealthy people by having them give more of what they already have in abundance... but punishes people who have to struggle to take the family to begin with.

Life is already starkly divided by wealth, and taking away an affordable vacation to Disneyland just makes things so much worse. But what else is there when more and more people want to vacation there?

The solutions they've tried haven't been working.

The answer would seem to be limiting tickets for entry. But they don't want to deal with the outrage of people showing up and tickets being sold out. They also don't want to miss out on that money. But they should really go with "Advance Purchase Only" and just tell people that IF there are any tickets left over, you can buy them at the gate. Otherwise they are just turning off people from a return visit because they don't want to spend a ton of money and not get to do anything due to overcrowding. I sure have no desire to go back any time soon.

They need to build another Disney Park in Texas or something.

   

Behind The Rides

Posted on July 21st, 2021

Dave!No time to blog... Disney+ has finally dropped the first season of Behind the Attraction which goes into the history and behind the scenes of their most famous rides. The initial episodes are for Jungle Cruise, Haunted Mansion, Star Tours, Twilight Zone Tower of Terror, and Space Mountain. I will be binging them all, because this is the kind of stuff I live for...

Poster for Disney+ Behind the Attraction.

UPDATE: Finished! Absolutely fantastic! In-depth but not to the point of being obsessive or boring. Entertaining and smart (Paget Brewster's narration is perfect!). Even if you're just a casual fan of the parks, it's worth a look. I've been waiting for this since it was announced, and it does not disappoint!

In the last episode they ask the question "If you were on your last trip to a Disney park... and were riding your last Disney attraction ever... which would you ride?" That is really tough for me. Ultimately I think I would pick "Pirates of the Caribbean" at Disneyland. I was going to go with "Expedition Everest" because it's just so well done... but the nostalgia of Pirates is tough to overcome...

A scenes of prisoners trying to get a dog to give them the keys to their cell in the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland.

If I ever go back to China and Shanghai again, riding their version of Pirates is a top priority because everybody I know that has ridden it says it's a pretty nice upgrade.

But... nostalgia...

   

Disneyland Westside

Posted on March 26th, 2021

Dave!A second entry for Friday? Lucky you!

If you've been reading this blog for any length of time, you undoubtedly are aware of my Disney theme park obsession. Heck, I even designed my own parody theme park DaveLand because my Disney love goes pretty deep...

The Daveland logo... shamelessly rendered in the style of the Disneyland logo.

I collect the map pamphlets from the Disney parks. I have the wall maps. I bought the map book. And every time Disney announces anything new or any kind of expansion, I am compelled to figure out what they're going to do and how they're going to do it.

The lastest news is more announcements for the Disneyland Resort "Westside Expansion" which will turn a bunch of parking lots into an expanded hotel/shopping/dining/entertainment experience...

An illustration showing the Disneyland Westside Expansion.

Now, this concept illustration is not in any way final (indeed, it looks like the previous plans for the "Mickey Mouse Hotel" have been drastically altered or scrapped... and does anybody remember the plans for "Westcot?"). And it's a bit deceptive, which we'll get to in a minute. But you can see that the idea is to add more stuff to snag tourist dollars than they already do. Looks like there's a lazy river tube ride to the left there. The above-mentioned "Mickey Hotel" in the middle. Three entirely new hotels to the far right. A live stage venue just in front of them. And of course more shopping and dining. Disney quite clearly doesn't want you sleeping, shopping, or dining at anything except Disney-owned properties.

As I was saying, the illustration is a bit deceptive though because about 1/3 is already developed with The Disneyland Hotel and Disney Paradise Pier Hotel, which will be surrounded by new construction (which I've shaded in magenta)...

Me drawing on top of a Google Map screen capture to show where the new construction will be.
© Google Maps... Click to Embiggen

Yellow shading is over Disneyland and California Adventure so you can compare sizing. Suffice to say, this is not a small endeavor... nor will it be cheap. I'm not sure where all that parking will go. Could be it will be constructed underground. Could be they will expand the Pumba lot that's wayyyy off to the East or the Toy Story lot that's wayyyy off to the Southwest (see below) to be a multi-story garages like they did for the Mickey & Friends and Pixar Pals parking structures that are in the upper-left corner of the map.

It's interesting to note that Disneyland is pretty much at its limit here. To the South is the Anaheim Convention Center. To the North and West is suburban sprawl with hundreds of homes that Disney would have to purchase.

But then there's the land to the East.

And here's where my speculation takes a bit of a sinister turn.

Right now, most of the land to the east is occupied by a bunch of hotels, with the exception of the afore-mentioned Pumba Parking lot (outlined in cyan) which I'm guessing is owned by Disney. The red outline is the land I'm talking about...

Me drawing on top of a Google Map screen capture to show where the Eastern land is located.
© Google Maps... Click to Embiggen

Unfortunately for Disney, there's a shopping Mall to the South of the Eastern region that's likely there to stay unless Disney acquires it (if they haven't already) in which case they could rebrand it as yet another Disney shopping experience.

But let's think about this for a second.

The Disneyland Resort Westside Expansion has at least four high-capacity hotels planned. That's going to take business away from the hotels which popped up to the East of Disneyland. Which means the price to buy them out may cheapen. After enough lost business, they may consider selling to Disney... something that's inconceivable as things currently stand because their occupancy must (normally) be pretty darn high and very profitable. And once that first hotel domino falls... and Disney re-themes it as a Disney hotel... and people flock to it because Disney dangles enough perks... and more hotels lose more business... well, it's not difficult to see how it might be "bye bye Candy Cane Inn"... followed by the rest of them one-by-one.

This, of course, is all conjecture. It could be that Disney has zero interest in the budget hotel business, or that the existing hotels will continue to be so popular that the selling price would be insane. Or maybe the chain-owned hotels don't care about lost business and just want a Disney-adjacent property in their portfolio. It's hard to say. All I know is that both parks are overcrowded year' round now, so maybe it's worth it to Disney to buy everything up... and simply not provide budget lodging. At least not as it looks right now. A Disney "Budget Hotel" will be cheaper when compared to their other hotels, but still Disney-pricey. Because if there's one thing that Disney knows how to do... it's make money. Lots of it.

And they could, of course, use the land to build a third theme park. Or relocate the structures that are currently to the North of Disneyland so they can expand the park there. Or just shift the Mickey & Friends and Pixar Pals parking to the East so another big chunk of land opens up for entertainment and hotels on the Westside.

However...

That's not the end to Disney's (estimated) land holdings. They either own or lease a rather large piece of land to the Southeast which is currently the Toy Story parking lot. Not sure if the parking for the hotels/businesses to the North is Disney-owned (that's outlined in green)... but if Disney does own this, they could build a massivley huge parking structure which could replace all the lost parking for Westside... and absorb parking for any hotels they buy, which could then be expanded or rebuilt... or replaced with more theme park to attract more customers (or maybe spread the crowds out a bit)...

Me drawing on top of a Google Map screen capture to show where the Eastern land is located.
© Google Maps

I dunno.

All I do know is that Disney gobbling up that Eastern parcel... along with the area above the Toy Story parking lot... creates a nicely contiguous chunk of land which would nearly double what they have now.

Not that contiguous land is essential. Just look at Walt Disney World. Build another monorail or an air-tram... or expand the bus system... and that third theme park could end up in the Southwest section. Or anywhere, really. I remember reading how Disney wanted to expand to a beachfront property in L.A. or something. Heaven only knows how much land in the greater L.A. area they own either directly or via shell companies.

What I wouldn't give to work for the team at Disney which gets to plan all this stuff. That's my dream job right there. But since I don't, all I can do is have fun speculating and be excited for what's coming next.

Until then, there's always Daveland.

UPDATE: Well looky what we have here... a site that Disney created to shame Anaheim into rezoning their property for multi-use purposes called Disneyland Forward. It doesn't do anything to curb speculation because it's just Disney tossing out ideas, but it does clarify a few things. First of all is their plans for expanding into the Westside property and Northward...

Disney Forward Expansion Map.

Note that Disneyland gets an addition to the West, so those weren't hotels, they were attraction buildings. The only hotel expansion looks to be another tower for Paradise Pier?

Disney Forward Expansion Map.

Which is not to say that Disney couldn't change their mind and drop a bunch of hotels once they get their way so that they can still buy out everything to the East and raze it for a third theme park. And idea which still makes a lot of sense. Though remember that land to the Southeast? Hotel and shopping have been dropped there as an example of what could happen...

Disney Forward Expansion Map.

Disney Forward Expansion Map.

   
Interesting stuff! You can see everything for yourself at Disneyland Forward.

   

Bullet Sunday 662

Posted on May 17th, 2020

Dave!The weather is finally warming up, but the hottest place to be is right here... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

   
• More Brothers! One of my favorite films to pop up in my foreign film binges is Kardeşim Benim, a really charming and funny Turkish film about two estranged brothers on a road trip after their father dies. A subtitled version is available on Amazon Prime streaming and for sale on iTunes...

I loved it and was happy to see that they made a sequel. Alas, Kardeşim Benim 2 was not available anywhere... even without subtitles... and all I could find was a trailer, which looked every bit as good as the first movie...

Fast forward to this past week and I saw that Amazon Prime Streaming finally had the sequel available to watch... with subtitles! It was darn good, and I enjoyed it just as much as the first film. It was a bit confusing, however, because the female lead from the first one has mysteriously disappeared. I was left scratching my head while thining "Wait... what happened to Zeynep?!? Who is Didem and where did she come from? Hakan is marrying her? Did I miss Kardesim Benim 1-1/2?!?" Still, well worth a look, especially if you saw the first one.

   
• Mow Your Tuna! I love languages and have studied more than a few of them. The only language I ever felt fluent enough to hold a conversation in was Japanese, which has long-since escaped my memory. Languages I studied just enough to blunder my way through when traveling have been Swedish, Thai, Portuguese, and Italian. The first language I studied was German and I studied Spanish in high school. Neither stuck. I did attempt learning French before my second trip to the country. It did not go well. Which is why I had a good laugh over this...

Now, I am the first to admit that English is no better. There are loads of homophones that make zero sense and can easily confuse anybody attempting to learn the language. But when it's the language you grow up with, it just makes sense.

   
• Casting! QUEEN LATIFAH AS THE EQUALIZER?!?!? SIGN ME UP, PLEASE! I am absolutely fascinated at how a show like that might work. I am so happy to have some really different television to look forward to and this fits the bill nicely.

   
• Electoral Math! "Democrats and losing elections is like Princess Peach and getting kidnapped by a lizard. At a certain point it starts to seem like y'all like this shit." — Oh... here we go... a total breakdown of how politics work where I live and how Democrats are 100% fucking it up. AGAIN...

He's not wrong. About any of it.

   
• Mo Betty! NEWSFLASH: Betty White to star in new Lifetime holiday film at 98 years old. — Squeeeeee!

   
• Magic! As we remain locked down in quarantine, I've been incredibly impressed with how much Disney has been doing to distract us from it all. On their blogs they've been releasing a slew of amazing recipes for some of their most popular dishes and desserts at their parks. As if that wasn't enough, theyve been posting videos to their YouTube channel of all kinds of things... from fireworks displays to attraction ride-throughs, like their latest and greatest: Rise of the Resistance...

So cool. Really hope I can ride it in person next year. The Disney Parks Blog is here. The Disney YouTube Channel is here. Enjoy!

   
• Hugs! And because I want to end today on a happy note, here's a video of people hugging animals hugging people...

Doesn't get much sweeter than that.

   
And that's all the bullets we have for today.

   

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