Finishing up my posts about the five days I spent at Disneyland, today I'm going to talk about the best thing about the place... the attractions (though the food is a close second).

For the longest time, my favorite ride at the park bounced between Star Tours and Pirates of the Caribbean. Except it really didn't. It's just that I'm such a massive Star Wars fan that it seemed that way. Not that Star Tours isn't a great ride that still holds up to this day, it absolutely does, it's just that the Disneyland version of Pirates is the absolute benchmark of how to build an attraction. First of all, it's fifteen-and-one-half minutes long! Which is crazy. So many of the attractions being built now-a-days are lucky to last two minutes (though Rise of the Resistance is kinda-sorta 18 minutes long, when it's running, so there's that). There's a lot of immersion and build-up to the (multiple) money-shots you get, yet Pirates never seems boring.

Pirates of The Caribbean is part of the original E-Ticket Attraction Pantheon that remains... along with Jungle Cruise, Disneyland Monorail, Matterhorn Bobsleds, it’s a small world, Enchanted Tiki Room, Submarine Voyage, Country Bear Jamboree, and Haunted Mansion (another ride that totally holds up, and it nearly nine minutes long).

But anyway...

Before eating at Blue Bayou, the restaurant inside of Pirates of the Caribbean, we rode it for a second time. It's really the only way to do the restaurant because then the experience is fresh in your head (though it almost didn't happen because the ride was closed all morning for repairs). And it reminded me how I am both okay/not-okay with the addition of the movie franchise that's based on the ride being added to the attraction. Okay, because it's very well-done, Johnny Depp's presence is adding to the attraction instead of overwhelming it, and it gave the ride some love to keep it relevant... and not-okay because the ride was perfect just how it was.

The biggest surprise out of all the attractions I went on was that I heard a spiel from the boat skipper on Jungle Cruise that I had never heard before...
        SKIPPER: Now I'm going to scare off these hippos the same way I scared off my last girlfriend...
        ME (as the skipper reaches for his gun): Oh my God!
        SKIPPER (not touching his gun): LET’S GET A MORTGAGE AND BUY A HOUSE... AND HAVE 3 KIDS... AND TWO CATS NAMED OSCAR AND ISAAC!

I still don't know if I should find that funny or not, but it was sure hysterical to me at the time!

Something else that was new? After years of trying to see a hidden Easter Egg in Indiana Jones Adventure without success, I finally asked a cast member to help me out. For those of you who don't know, this attraction is not within the original boundary of Disneyland. No, it was built out in the old "Eeyore" parking lot (which explains why the queue is so long to get there...

Original Disneyland in Yellow... Indiana Jones Adventure in pink at the lower-left.

After Disney demolished the Eeyore parking lot, they hid one of the signs for it in the Indiana Jones ride. I knew that you had to look back when you reached the front of the main queue before Dr. Jones's office, but that never did me any good. I was starting to believe it didn't exist. So I asked. And the cast member pulled out a flashlight, shined it way, way back into a dark corner and... there it was. I don't know how I could have ever seen it on my own.

Something else I've meant to do but never did? Snap a photo of John Rhys-Davies as Sallah during my favorite part of the intro film...

And speaking of Indiana Jones Adventure... I rode it very soon after it had opened in 1995, and it's a different ride now than when it debuted...

   
And now a dozen random musings...

Random Musing #1: The day after I got back from Disneyland, I had kidney stone pain. It wasn't horribly bad, but it did make it so I couldn't keep anything down Saturday evening through Monday afternoon when it passed. Just yesterday I read an article where it said that there's a scientific paper saying that riding Big Thunder Mountain Railroad dislodges kidney stones! So... maybe the attraction saved me from an even worse agony than if I hadn't ridden it while I was at the park? Weird!

Random Musing #2: Mickey & Minnie's Runaway Railway is the exact same as the one in Walt Disney World. Except you leave Daisy's dance studio in the opposite direction. This freaked me out... and freaked me out again the second time, even though I was prepared for it.

Random Musing #3: Roger Rabbit's Car Toon Spin has changed Jessica Rabbit. She's no longer in her sexy red sparkle dress, they covered her in a trench-coat. And it's like... yeah... I know why. Gotta be PC and all that. But it looks ridiculous. I think it's actually less PC to think that she should be forced to cover herself (come on, it's not like she was showing nipple or anything).

Random Musing #4: Does anybody else find it odd that Jessica Rabbit has to wear a trench-coat, but at the end of Mr. Toad's Wild Ride you get sent to hell? Anybody? Anybody?

Random Musing #5: I elected not to climb up Adventureland Treehouse because they tore out the Tarzan re-theming from 1999. They re-themed to promote the animated Tarzan film of the day, but it was actually really cool because modern audiences could get more invested in the attraction than the old Swiss Family Robinson movie theme it started with.

Random Musing #6: The other ride that I took a pass on this time (other than the multitude of rides that were closed) was Matterhorn Bobsleds. The last time I rode it the track was so rough that I was wrecked after I unfolded myself from the bobsled. That is one roller coaster that desperately needs to be re-tracked. I honestly don't understand why it hasn't happened yet. Heaven only knows they have zero problem shutting down rides at Disneyland.

Random Musing #7: One ride that I have ridden exactly once and never again is the Mad Tea Party. I have never understood how people manage to survive that ride. I didn't get sick the first time, but I did walk off of it wishing that I had never gotten on it.

Random Musing #8: It still amazes me how all the Fantasyland dark rides made such incredible use of the small amount of space they were given. All those twists and turns really extend the length of the attraction! My favorite of these is Peter Pan's Flight where they use the sail on Captain Hook's ship to divide one room into two scenes in a way that's beyond brilliant.

Random Musing #9: While I still think that Tiana's Bayou Adventure is a serious downgrade from Splash Mountain, I will say that the Disneyland version is better than its Walt Disney World counterpart. It's got less dead space making it feel not so empty. That being said, the ride still makes no sense. Plus the final Tiana animatronic was busted to shit... she was totally frozen except her mouth, looking like she was wearing a straightjacket under her dress.

Random Musing #10: Just for the record... I still think that Soarin' Around the World is not as good of an experience as the original Soarin' was. I hear they bring it back during the "Food & Wine Festival," so maybe I'll have to head back down one of these years.

Random Musing #11: One of the best rollercoasters in the Disneyland Resort (after Big Thunder and Space Mountain, of course) was California Screamin'. And while I didn't mind them re-theming it for more of a Disney-branded experience, I am mad that they did such a cheap-ass, ugly job of it. I had seen it in photos and thought "Well, maybe it's not so bad when you're riding it at top speed..." but it is. Whether it's the stupid "babies on sticks" or the horrific way that characters are cut off to fit spaces, everything about this is pathetic. Re-theming is fine when it makes sense, but at least put the money into it to do it right. You're Disney.

Random Musing #12: Since California Adventure is pretty much turning into a Pixar theme park, they've made some changes since I was last there. The biggest being the 2023 changing of "Pacific Wharf" to "San Fransokyo Square" out of the movie Big Hero 6. I have zero complaints, because I still don't understand why you would want to go to a California theme park when you're already in California. But anyway... I was quite happy that it wasn't done shoddily, like Incredicoaster was. It actually looks really good...

And there it is. My trip to Disneyland is over for you just like it is for me!