Continuing my posts about the five days I spent at Disneyland, today let's talk about the dark side of what's going on there. The things that contribute towards making it a bad experience for their guests.

I did not have a terrible time. It was an overall fun trip that was a nice distraction from the horrors of the day. But it could have been so much better.

It would be very, very easy to lay blame for the bad things on the former CEO of Disney, Bob Chapek. He was intent on wringing all the possible profit out of the Disney parks, even though the cost came at seriously screwing over their guests. Many of the things he did made the parks become everything Walt Disney was fighting against to differentiate his parks from all the others at the time.

Except you can't hang it all on Chapek because he's been gone for two years now and nothing has changed. Disney is still ruining the parks.

Park Hopping. Even though the Disneyland Resort is billed as a singular experience that contains both Disneyland and California Adventure, it really isn't. Unless you pay for it. To hop from park-to-park, you have to purchase a ticket add-on called "Park Hopper" which allows you to jump between the parks after 11am as often as you want. And you'll want to, because that's the only way you're making the best use of your time there since the parks are so small (and many rides are broken, but I'll get to that). On top of this, your first park of the day has to be reserved (hotel guest or not, Park Hopper or not) or else they won't let you in, so make the reservations the minute you get your tickets.

Struck by Lightning. The paid replacement for the once-free "FastPass" is (currently) "Lightning Lane," which gives you a time window to stand in a line that's much shorter than the regular line. The Disney World version is actually kinda cool and worth the money because you can pre-reserve your first three Lightning Lanes of the day before you even go there. Disneyland doesn't have anything like that. If you pay for the "Multi-Pass Lightning Lane" you get to make one reservation after you enter the park. Then once you use it you can make another. Or, if the park is really busy, you can make another reservation 2 hours after your first one. Of course you also have the option to spend something like $400 each to have a Lightning Lane for all the rides which have them. It's an expense that might be worth it if you're visiting on a busy day or have a single day to visit. But the regular version should be included with your ticket. And don't get me started about the insanely popular rides (like Radiator Springs Racers and Rise of the Resistance) which you have to pay big dollars to get Individual Lightning Lanes for because your regular Lightning Lane won't work. Price gouging at its finest (as an example... for both of us to get a spot for Rise of the Resistance would cost an additional $58 on top of the Lightning Lane Multi-Pass we already got).

Character Madness. A big, big part of a visit for many people going to Disney parks is meeting the various characters to get their picture taken with them or get their autograph or say "hi" or whatever. Fortunately, the Disneyland App lists character appearances so you can find the ones you want to see. Unfortunately, the app is wrong a shockingly huge number of times. An example: My friend is a massively huge fan of Ahsoka Tano (aren't we all though?). He wanted to get his picture taken with her. So we looked at the app for the place and time and did that. She wasn't there. We went to the next appearance. She wasn't there. We went to another. She wasn't there again so we decided to ask what was going on. After a bunch of cast members told us "Not my department" we finally found somebody who made a call. Turns out she wasn't appearing AT ALL that day. And yet she was listed on the app as appearing more times that afternoon. WHAT THE EVER-LOVING FUCK?!? If a character actor is sick or whatever, then fine. It happens. By why don't they remove their appearances so we weren't dragging our asses from one end of the park to the other to try and meet Ahsoka? The next day we tried again. First appearance? Wasn't there again. This time we wasted no time asking a bunch of employees if she would be appearing there or not, at which point we were told by one "I think so because I saw the back of her head." So we waited and finally got to see her (whomever the cast member is behind that makeup was absolutely brilliant, by the way)...

This is bonkers. And it doesn't end there. The app was consistently wrong on many, many character appearances (especially over at Avenger's Campus). How difficult is it to stay on top of this so you aren't repeatedly disappointing your guests and wasting their time? Update your damn app because people are counting on it to plan their day. And give your employees more information (or a way to get it) so they're not constantly being all "Not my department," which is plain rude.

Don't Stand in Line. At Walt Disney World, characters appear at a specific venue at a specific time and you can (mostly) count on them being there. Disneyland has a lot "wandering characters" which aren't at a specific place, so you have to kind of wander yourself until you spot them then walk along with them as they dash to try and get your autograph or photo. This is categorically stupid, and I don't get why they do this when they already have a system that works. But even when they do have a place for characters to appear, they handle it badly. First of all, you can't stand in line to wait for a character appearance. Nope, a cast member will march right up and tell you to "disperse" which means you have to hang out in the area and not in line. Which is insane. THE ROPES FOR A LINE ARE RIGHT THERE!!! So instead you get there early to see somebody, can't stand in line, then a bunch of people just randomly walking by at the right time could hop in line in front of you and you may not get to see the character before they leave. How does that make sense? The one place that does it like Disney World was in California Adventure where Mushu appeared. You get in line. The cast member working the line warns people coming up late that the characters will be changing soon so who's there now may not be there when they get to the front of the line, and then you get to choose whether to stay or not. And that's the way it should be. The whole "Hang out in this area but don't get in line" is one of the stupidest fucking things I've ever seen at any theme park anywhere in the entire world. And I've been to my share.

Attractionless Attractions. While I was at the parks a lot of attractions were closed. The Disneyland Railroad, closed. The Monorail, closed. Great Moments with Mr. Lincoln, closed. Pixie Hollow, closed. It's a Small World, closed. Grizzly River Run, closed. And in March even more rides are closing, including Indiana Jones and Guardians of the Galaxy?!? Which begs the question... what the fuck will actually be open? Who knows? Because on top of the planned closures, other rides were "temporarily closed" all the damn time (the biggest culprits being Pirates of The Caribbean, Radiator Springs Racers, Guardians of the Galaxy and, of course, Rise of the Resistance). Disney is cheaping out on ride maintenance despite charging a shit-ton of money and raking in huge profits from their guests... which means they have to close a bunch of stuff down at the same time because it's not properly maintained, giving people less to do and making the remaining rides more crowded. It's ridiculous, unfair, and makes a Disney vacation a lot less appealing.

You Busted. I don't know another way to say it, but the parks are in a sad state. They are not maintained. They are dirty. They are broken. After a while I started taking photos of the massive number of things that were busted because I just couldn't believe it. Did Chapek fire absolutely everybody on maintenance? Because people shouldn't have to pay to see bullshit like this over and over and over and, in the grand scheme of things, hiring people to fix stuff is a drop in the bucket when it comes to the cost of doing business, so why not have a crew for that?

Rained Out. I fully realize that Southern California doesn't get a lot of rain. I do. But the fact that Disney isn't at all prepared for any rain is absurd. Disney World in Orlando can be in the middle of a hurricane and rides are still running and characters are still appearing. When there's even a little rain at Disneyland rides go down and characters never appear (and you will never know if they're coming later because of the useless Disneyland App, as noted above). And when you try to get any information at all, nobody can help you in any way no matter how many cast members are there. And, no, I'm not kidding. Here's me not standing in line out in the rain, as instructed, because a character didn't show up and I didn't want to get jumped by the eight employees hanging out doing nothing except telling people to not stand in line (I'm not showing their faces because its not their fault management doesn't know how to run a theme park and they're just doing what they've been told)...

For the love of God... do better. Have covered areas for characters. Spray some water-proofing on their costumes so the show can go on. Or have alternate costumes that are waterproof. Do something so guests that are going into debt to visit don't completely lose out because you aren't prepared for a rainy day.

Photo Passed. Like Disney World, Disneyland has a "Photo Pass" you can buy to get your photo taken with characters and important landmarks and such. But unlike Disney World, Disneyland has a woefully inadequate number of photographers. We got the add-on included free with our Park Hopper somehow, but got only a few photos (all of them were at the Avenger's Campus character spot, because the only other places I remember seeing a photographer is at the front of Disneyland in front of the Mickey flower art and again in front of the castle). Who would pay for something this worthless? Either do it right or don't do it at all.

Pin Trading... or Not. Disney World is a pin-trading utopia. Most all the shops have pin-trading boards and they're packed (and pins are swapped out regularly at the start of each day). Many employees have pins on them to trade. But at Disneyland? Oh heck no. They are pushing pins for sale absolutely everywhere, but pin-trading is almost non-existent. The very few shops that have boards have a tiny number of pins that are the exact same day after day after day. Here's a board in Tomorrowland with a whopping 12 pins on it, and it was mostly the same pins every day. And 12 is actually pretty good, because we saw a board that had a measly six on it every day. SIX!!! Why even bother?

But it gets worse. See how this shop has a sign that literally says "WANTED: PIN TRADERS"? Would you believe that the pin shop inside said "We don't have our board out today" when we asked where the pin trading was?

Well, believe it, because we checked multiple times on multiple days. Madness. How can people get into pin trading WHEN YOU DON'T PROVIDE A WAY FOR THEM TO TRADE PINS?!? Your best hope is to visit with fellow pin traders that sometimes hang out next to pin shops, but they're usually way too serious for people like me who just want to find an Orange Bird or Oswald pin to add to their collection.

   
What drives me crazy is that everything I'm complaining about here is fixable. Not just fixable, but easily fixable. Sure a (relatively) minor amount of money will have to be invested, but how can that be a barrier when these are serious problems that are going to have people never wanting to visit your parks again? Hire some maintenance people. Fill those pin boards. Waterproof those costumes. Let people stand in lines. This is not rocket science... and if the people in charge don't see that, Disney needs to hire people who can. Because I tell you what, I'm in no hurry to go back to Disneyland any time soon. And since I was gifted most of the cost of the hotel and tickets, that speaks volumes.