Facebook memes are often more amusing to me than they probably should be. What can I say? I'm easily amused.

I especially like those memes asking you to score yourself on all the debauchery, danger, and mishaps you've had in life. Partly because people assume that I'm some kind of choirboy or something, but that's never been the case. Not necessarily because I seek these things out... but because they somehow find me.

The latest I ran across asks you to score a point for each thing you haven't done...

I end up with a whopping total of... two points.

1. Skipped school. I skipped school more times than I can count. And it wasn't because I was "hanging out with the wrong crowd" or whatever... it was because school was so boring to me. So some days I just wouldn't go. Which was easy because both my parents worked. And because I got pretty good grades nobody really found out or cared.
2. Broken a bone. Never have. I did saw into my thumb bone with a hacksaw though. And because I had frostbite when I was a kid, I couldn't feel pain. I only knew what happened when I saw the hacksaw blade covered in blood. Oops.
3. Fired a gun. I was raised in Redneckistan and got my NRA Gun Safety training and everything. Haven't touched a gun since 1986 though, because I decided to try and live my life more in accordance with Buddhist precepts, and it's forbidden in the traditions of the Buddhism I follow.
4. Done drugs. Marijuana is legal in Washington State. As to whether I did drugs before that? No comment.
5. Been in a limo. Several times. My sister is fond of hiring them when a group of us is going out... and I was in them often with my work.
6. Gotten a tattoo. I have nine now. Want more. Will probably get more.
7. Ridden a horse. I've ridden horses, camels, and elephants at one time or another.
8. Sung karaoke. I used to work in Japan. It's a very common group activity there. I'm terrible at it, however. And then there was the serious karaoke accident I had in Stockholm where I fell off the back of the stage and cut my chin open.
9. Gotten a ticket. Four speeding tickets. AND I DESERVED NONE OF THEM!!
10. Been arrested. I've been detained, but not arrested. And it was over something that had nothing to do with me, I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Seriously thought I was going to be arrested based on how I was treated though. Guilty until proven innocent, and all that.
11. Gone zip-lining. I've been a few times. It can be fun, depending on the location. I think my favorite is the one down Vegas Old Town under that lighted canopy they have.
12. Been on TV. I've been interviewed a couple times to comment on a project the charity I worked with was involved in.
13. Been on a cruise. My mom loved them. So I've been on a half-dozen.
14. Gotten a piercing. Had my ear pierced in college for years. One day it fell out and got lost, so I left it out.
15. Smoked. I smoked because I was in a crowd that smoked. But after six months or so, I just couldn't do it any more because I felt sick more than anything else.
16. Met a celeb. I've met many. Several band members from bands I like. A lot of TV and movie celebrities at conventions. Occasional random encounters from when I was working in L.A. But it's not like we ever hung out or went shopping or anything.
17. Been skydiving. I went tandem skydiving with a friend. I liked it, so I went back for lessons. Got my certificate after my graduation dive and never felt the need to jump out of an airplane again.
18. Had a one-night stand. And each time I had a one-night stand, there ended up being a pretty good story attached to it. Except once. Which was one of my very few regrets in life. I was a tool for revenge and didn't even know it. Had no way of knowing it. Even so, I still feel like crap because of it.
19. Skinny-dipped. In the Ocean off Maui at night.
20. Been drunk. BWAH HA HA HA HAAAA!

My birthday weekend with family was really nice. Riiiight up until today when I had to drive back over the mountains and The Real World.

One of the things we did was go bowling. Something I haven't done in decades. I used to love it (it's how I met my best friends in college), but as my body started falling apart, it seemed like less and less of a good idea. And though I completely sucked at it (being woefully out of practice and trying not to be too physical lest I throw my back out) I had a great time...

And now that I'm home, I want to sleep.

Except I need to clean up my house since I didn't do it before I left.

Always a mistake, but I'm too old to do the smart thing now.

This morning I was looking through some photos posted by an old friend. Among the photos was one which included a woman I dated for a bit. She looks... incredible.

Meanwhile... I look like what happens when sour cream sits out too long. And then explodes.

Whatever that gene is which causes people to look better with age is the gene that I have the opposite of. Which wouldn't be so bad if I didn't feel like I'm falling apart. Except I totally do. Yesterday morning I bent over to pick up some toys that Jake dragged downstairs and almost didn't make it back upright. I think that if I hadn't taken a couple Advil, I probably wouldn't have made it through the rest of my day. At all.

A part of me thinks that I should take up yoga or pilates or something. Except that may very well be the death of me, so maybe sitting on the couch and watching TV while eating potato chips is the better move?

I'm thinking yes.

At least until I throw my back out reaching for a chip.

Which may be painful, but at least I get a potato chip out of the deal. The same can't be said for yoga or pilates.

Today at my doctor appointment, I asked for ALL THE VACCINES! I figure science has given us these gifts from God, so I might as well accept them. Alas, all he had for me was the TDAP blend update, which I am very happy to get, seeing as how whooping cough is making its way through the valley. Again. Other than that, my doctor said I should get the shingles vaccine even though I never had chickenpox. So I am absolutely doing that.

Sadly, I have everything else he recommends. Which is a bummer given how many people are skipping vaccines, and I'm sure polio and all that other crap we had virtually eliminated are most certainly coming back. God. How stupid are we as a society?

   
A shitty end to a shitty week.

Today was cold so I wore two shirts. A long-sleeve Eddie Bauer blue henley that I've had for at least a decade. On top of that I wore a short-sleeve St. John's Bay light green cotton button-up that I've had for close to two decades. Sure they look weird together, but they're some of my favorite pieces of clothing.

But the blue long-sleeve T has the elbows ripped out and a couple small holes in it... and the short-sleeve shirt has several holes, one of which is too big to repair. And so when I change into a T-shirt for bed, I'll be throwing them in the garbage, like I should have done years ago. But I held onto them because, despite the tears and holes, they were very well made. Now-a-days you're lucky if a shirt will last two years. Everything is made with thin, fragile cloth and not built to last. Clothing is made like Kleenex because they want you to throw it out and buy more ASAP.

What's a few holes when compared to that? These shirts are stronger with holes in them than new shirts are fresh off the rack.

At one time I thought I would just sew my own and use good-quality materials... but sewing shirts takes longer than you'd think. It also takes skills that are not easy to master. The obvious solution is to just pay the money for clothes that will last, and I'm perfectly willing to do that. But finding them is difficult. I'm (obviously) not somebody who's into high fashion, but most of the tougher clothes I can find in tall sizes are made for construction workers and lumberjacks. Not exactly looks I can pull off very well.

And so... goodbye my faithful shirts. You did a good job these many years.

I had such grand ambitions for dinner tonight.

But my Monday was so exhausting that I just didn't have the energy to cook anything. So I'm having a hot dog, warmed pita bread, and roasted red pepper hummus while watching Rory Scovel's new HBO special (just like I promised I would yesterday... I'm a man of my word!)...

The dude has always been funny in a kinda everyman-average-guy-sorta-way, but he's disturbingly good-looking now. He's got a nice haircut (with highlights?) and he's dressed very well. He's totally put together compared to other appearances I've seen from him, which I am not used to seeing.

The special itself, Religion, Sex and a Few Things In Between is actually very good. I don't want to say that it's more mature and refined... this is Rory we're talking about... but it does seem as though he's scaling back on the "wacky" enough to build a stronger rapport with the audience and court a new level of success. No more schleppy Member's Only jacket hiked up to his armpits with his shirt hanging out (which is what his last Netflix Special was about). Nope. Rory got himself a stylist!

But anyway...

After this I'm off to bed. Not necessarily to sleep... I'm not that lucky... but I will be attempting to rest.

Because I'm guessing tomorrow is going to be even more exhausting.

I read a bullshit article where millionaire Barbara Corcoran was reinforcing the old adages "Money doesn't buy happiness" and "Money makes relationships complicated"... which is what people with money have been telling people without money since the dawn of time. Because that way they don't feel bad about not sharing their hoarded wealth to make other people's lives better.

Get fucked, Barbara.

I've lived with a toilet and glass shower doors sitting in my hallway for 6 months while I've saved up the money to have my bathroom put back together (after the first contractor did shitty work that caused a leak). I would be far, far happier if I could just throw money at my problems and have them solved instantly. My relationship with my toilet would not be more "complicated" because I have money...

Holy shit do I detest deplorable assholes like this. You can enjoy your immense wealth and be happy about it while shutting the fuck up and not lying to people because you have an agenda to keep the working class under your thumb. NOBODY is buying it. Barbara even says that she "isn't giving the money back" so what the fuck is she even on about?

But anyway... first I had to pay to have the old shower demolished because that's where they said the leak was coming from...

Except... that wasn't where the leak was coming from. My tile guy figured that out when he decided to pull the toilet because he couldn't see where any leaks from the shower that got ripped out. Thousands upon thousands of dollars wasted FOR NOTHING. But at least my tile guy did a much better job of rebuilding my new shower than what I had before...

Now that the glass doors were out of my hallway, I had to save the money for the ACTUAL leak under the toilet to be repaired...

Which resulted in yet ANOTHER hole being put into my home so they could replace the pipe and flange going to the toilet...

Shockingly... despite the wood being continuously soaked and pools of water forming on the ducts (which left behind a lot of mineral scale) there's no mold to be found...

And now I have a toilet...

But I'm not done yet. Monday I have an electrical install. And then I need to have all the drywall repaired once I have the money saved. So that will be expensive fun. Because apparently home repairs NEVER END.

I love languages almost as much as I love travel.

I watch a lot of videos and follow a lot of accounts which talk about languages, so "The Algorithm" is constantly feeding me more language content. Which just goes to show that it's not all bad, because cool stuff like this is what I want to see on the internet...

This guy is awesome! I love people who know things.

I missed two on the list. The same one he did #10 (which I wouldn't have thought of, even with three strikes available) and #9... which I should have thought of, but I didn't because I wasn't thinking of the other countries that also speak it (which is silly because I absolutely knew this).

For somebody who loves languages as much as I do, you'd think that I speak a slew of them. You'd think wrong, unfortunately. But it's not for lack of trying...

• German. My great grandmother spoke German, so I thought it would be fun to learn how to speak it. This would be in Middle School, and I have long since forgotten all but the basics, which is sad because I've been to Germany a lot.
• Spanish. Studied it in high school. I still use a bit from time to time, but to say "I speak Spanish" would be a gross overstatement. I dabble. And I can understand it being spoken far easier than trying to speak it myself.
• Japanese. I studied it because I love Japanese cartoons and comics and wanted to try and understand Japanese language and culture so that the anime/manga would be more enjoyable. This was an off-and-on endeavor during high school. But then became an obsession when I started traveling to Japan for work and to see friends I had made. For a while in the early 90's I was fairly fluent. I could hold my own in a basic conversation so long as people weren't speaking too fast. Now-a-days? I have a tough time remembering much of anything. A lot of words, but grammar has gone right out the window.
• French. I loved the idea of being able to speak French, but it was way past my ability to grasp. Five or six months before my second trip to Paris, I did nothing but listen to Pimsleur language tapes. It was a wasted effort. I managed to speak basic phrases and be understood, but it never really gelled, and my comprehension was awful so I gave up. On the plus side the French people, who have a reputation for being "rude," were incredibly nice and supportive of my feeble efforts in mangling their lovely language. I never met a single French person who was anything but kind to me.
• Italian. I started studying Italian once my Japanese was pretty good. I wanted a second language and thought it might be an easier alternative to French. My passion for visiting Italy and eating Italian food sealed the deal. It was nice to be able to have basic conversational skills (especially the three times I took my mom) but I didn't use it enough to really have it take 'hold.
• Swedish. For my first trip to Sweden, I studied really, really hard to learn the language. I had this fantasy that I would be all cool and be able to chat up hot Swedish women. I tried it out on some friends I was meeting and was immediately told "English is fine, please don't do that." Because of course their English was better than mine. I think I remember maybe five words.
• Portuguese. During the time I spent visiting Spain (5 times in 6 years), it was always my goal to tag on a trip to Lisbon. And so I did. I wanted to have a little bit of Portuguese in my head so I could enjoy it more, and studied quite a lot. Alas, the people I tried to speak to had zero interest in entertaining me. They'd even pretend to not understand me... even when I was certain that I was pronouncing everything correctly. I gave up on that real quick.
• Russian. After visiting countries like Poland and Romania where I was at a serious disadvantage by not knowing any of the language (English is not as ubiquitous as in other European countries), I decided that I would study Russian before a planned trip to St. Petersburg in 2013. I was not going to mess up an architectural dream-trip by not being able to communicate. So for nine months I studied. Which was insanely difficult because Russian, which I was told would be easier than Japanese, is not a simple language for Westerners to wrap their head around. But I pushed through and... had a visa problem and only made it as far as Helsinki. St. Petersburg would have to wait. Then, eight years later, I had a work opportunity where knowing Russian would be helpful so I started looking at it again. I'm far from fluent because... well, unless you're born speaking it, Russian is just next-level tough. But I have built a bit of a vocabulary and am not entirely helpless, so that's nice. I'm probably going to stick with it for a while because the difficulty gives my brain a workout and can hopefully keep me sharp in my declining years.

And that's it. Studied a lot, know nothing. The story of my life, really.

If I had tons more time to spare and the brainpower to handle it, I'd love to learn Mandarin. That seems as if it would be a real door-opener when it comes to work projects. And of course visiting India is still sitting on my bucket list, so learning Hindi would also be nice. Realistically, however? English, a smattering of Japanese, and Russian is probably it for me.

I'm too tired to have a happy Valentine's Day.

Which is just as well because my blow up doll is leaking air.

Good luck out there everybody.