As a serious insomniac for decades, I am not used to being so exhausted that I can't keep my eyes open. I'm pretty sure it's my brain trying to adapt to my vision catastrophe going on in my right eye. I'm constantly having floating black spots that my brain has to filter out as not being bugs or flies... and blurry spots in motion where my brain is having to fill in the blanks... and hazy spots on the edges my brain is trying to see through. Not ideal. But don't you worry about the bullets... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts...now...
• Licenses for Luddites! Just a reminder that the Washington State government is regressive as fuck when it comes to digital driver's licenses... but is very quick to tout us as a bastion of technology around election time. Patty Murray and Maria Cantwell blow through tax dollars like Kleenex for everything else... why not help us keep up with (checks notes) West Virginia and Arkansas on stuff like this. It's fucking embarrassing, and we're tired of having to carry a license around when our phones are already with us. We're nearly half-way through the states who have them. Will Washington get in before #25 hits? Let's take a look at where we're at, shall we?
Spoiler Alert: Not. Fucking. Likely. If they haven't pulled the trigger by now, they've likely got zero plans. They've got Big Pharma checks to cash, and that takes priority over everything.
• Politics in America! Tell me this isn't how politics work here...
You can't. Because this is exactly how politics work here. No bill is passed "clean" any more... there's always some horrific bullshit tacked onto it.
• Narrative! Nobody takes the minutes to verify crap like this before sharing it with the world, and nobody who follows them cares if it's true or not... they believe it because they want to believe it.
Yes. Mamdani went to the ruins of the church... AND DEMOLISHED IT WITH HIS OWN TWO HANDS!! That's how much he hates Christians! Jesus Christ. Do these assholes EVER research this bullshit they shovel? There are people who read this crap AND BELIEVE IT!! And they vote. But not in New York... a place THEY HAVE LIKELY NEVER EVEN BEEN.
• Cake! "No one’s gotten a cake for me before. I bought my own cake in the middle of the night and blew out my own candles alone." (Here's a link in case TikTok is being a dick)...
@copic_pereira Last year, I could only get Connor a cake but his reaction was priceless ❤️ We had just started sharing our lives here and we had planned a small party at our place for our close friends. During the party, we went Live on here, and you guys noticed that I had vanished for a good while. That’s when Connor found me in the bathroom in excruciating pain, trying to not ruin his party. Turns out I had gallstones, and I spent almost a week in the hospital. So, we never got to properly celebrate his birthday and we changed that this year. Thank you so much for all of you that follows us!!! It was only possible because of you ❤️❤️❤️ #fyp #birthday #mlm #marriedlife #couplegoals ♬ Married Life (From "Up") - Sergy el Som
It hurts my heart that there are people so cruel that they would want a fellow human be alone for the rest of their life because of who they love. This man found his person and his community. He's hurting nobody by existing. Let him pursue his happiness, celebrate his birthday with people who care about him, and live in peace. For God's sake... just be kind.
• "You didn't mention the donkey!" Given the abhorrent state of the world today, I often find myself scouring YouTube for something funny to distract me. And few things are as hilariously distracting as Would I Lie To You...
If you want more, there's a channel right here.
• Witchcraft! I love videos which explain science in a way you can understand it without having a science background. This one had me captivated from the start...
Wild stuff. And very cool.
Since it's been a full two hours since my last nap, I guess it's time.
Having lasers shot into your eye sounds very cool. And, if it's keeping you from losing (more) of your eyesight, it most definitely is.
But not as cool as shooting lasers out of your eyes, surely.
As of today, it looks like I may be done with lasers for a while. The latest imaging shows that the intentional laser damage is scarring over nicely. This will hopefully keep my retina from shredding apart any further. All the green dots in this photo along the top are where lasers burned holes in my eye...
Now it's just a matter of time until I find out how much of my eyesight will come back. The hope is that once the blood which has settled at the bottom is absorbed and all the tissue which exploded has either disintegrated (or my brain learns to ignore it) that I'll be kinda-sorta-mostly visually normal. Whatever that is.
Until then, I see like this...
Which, as you can imagine, is headache-inducing because the spots and blurry bits are always moving around.
It's best if I don't wear my eyepatch so my brain can get a handle on how things are and try to adapt a bit... but it's sometimes easier if I wear it for a while so my head doesn't split open.
In other news, if I ever start a band, it's definitely going to be called Intentional Laser Damage.
Last week I had me some laser eye surgery in order to try and halt a tear in my retina before it ripped through completely. It went fine, my surgeon was great, and I walked away thinking that I'd be okay for a while... until the next time.
Which, as it turns out, was today.
And this time was SO much more painful.
Especially once the anesthesia wore off and I can feel where he jabbed me with the syringe multiple times... and where he had to push on my eye in order to force liquid out from under my previous surgery so he could super-laser it again... and where the laser burned my retina.
I have a high pain tolerance because I'm an alpha male like that, but still had to tap out at least five times because I needed a minute. Not just from having my eyeball pushed into my skull and the burning of my retina, but from the light so my surgeon could see inside... not to mention the laser itself.
But anyway...
THE GOOD: I'm alive, my vision will mostly return, and my surgeon was happy with how things went.
THE BAD: It will take weeks to months for my vision to mostly return... that second tear they found had to be dealt with which prolonged everything... and ... this likely isn't over. It's only a matter of time before I have to go again.
CONTRAST ENHANCE...
In other good news, my third doctor was just as awesome as my previous two. And he appreciated that humor is my coping mechanism. On top of the laser was protective eyewear, and I asked him to give me a pair because I didn't want the laser to accidentally blind me...
This might have been too much for him. But, hey, I was getting crap injected in my eye and having lasers burning my retina. I could have started screaming!
After I was set free I had to take a nap in my car in the parking lot after, but ended up throwing on two pair of sunglasses so I could drive home.
Along the way I had a disastrous visit to McDonald's which I'll talk about tomorrow.
And once I got home, I passed out on the couch.
And here I am. Feeling like I got punched in the eye and there's blurry spots everywhere.
Overall this was not a good time. Do not recommend. Unless you're going to lose an eye... then you probably want to put on your big boy pants and get it done.
Today was the follow-up to the surgery of my surgery. It went fine. Some fluid build-up under my surgical scar, but it would likely resolve itself. I drove home thinking that I was good for a few more years at least.
Turns out I was off by a few years.
After I got home from work I received a phone call from my surgeon saying that he consulted with another surgeon who spotted another tear on my retina. It was smaller, but should be taken care of. He then told me that the second surgeon also wanted to reinforce the surgery I just had given this new information.
I asked when I could be scheduled.
He said "Can you be here at 11 tomorrow?
My eye is still feeling a bit bruised after surgery, but that's not the problem.
The problem is that it's like I've been punched in the eye. Not from pain, but from swelling on my lower lid... even though there's no swelling. Instead it's more like a haze along the bottom (because the tear was at the top and things get reversed in your eye... our brains switch things right-side up).
Eventually my brain will be able to eliminate the haze at the bottom from the top and the chunk floating at the top from the bottom. At least I hope so.
It's tiring having to concentrate all day long to see... though, oddly enough, it's difficult to actually fall asleep. And so I've been falling asleep to my Disney movie collection each night. Last night was The Rescuers and tonight I'm watching The Emperor's New Groove...
This is a criminally underrated movie.
Especially since it features Eartha Kitt's delightful villain, Yzma, who steals the film at every turn...
The rumor is that the big coaster in "Villains Land" has been re-imagined to be an Yzma coaster. I sure hope that's true, because I can't imagine a better source material for an attraction.
My eye felt... bruised? I guess? today. But was otherwise pain-free. The only problem I faced was my eye feeling tired. And moving my eyes made it tired faster, so I tried to look straight ahead and move my head around to where I needed to see.
Last night when I would close my eyes to try and sleep, my lasered eye would display a light show of red lines which looked something like this...
This morning I was surprised to find that the lines were still there whenever I closed my eye... even if it was just a blink. Distracting and annoying. But it was gone after a few hours, so no harm no foul, I guess.
I thought I would probably take my pills and go to bed at 7pm, but it's almost 8pm and I'm going to see if I can make it until 9pm so that my sleep schedule (such as it is) won't be wildly disrupted.
In the meanwhile, I am trying to adjust to a huge blurry spot in my vision and hope that I can either get used to it or it will diminish in time.
Last Wednesday I woke up and had a massive spot in my vision. After years of stuff like this, I didn't panic. I thought perhaps it was a new floater, and eventually my brain would learn to disregard it just as it had a dozen times before.
But this time it was different.
Then it disappeared. Kinda. But it left a massive blurry spot behind, which caused a doozy of a headache. So I visited my awesome optometrist who took photos of my eye. She was concerned that her equipment (which is mostly built for prescribing glasses and contacts and monitoring general eye health) wasn't extensive enough to see what's going on, so she made me an urgent appointment at the ophthalmologist.
And today was the day.
The took new photo scans of my eyes... including some a machine I had never seen before.
Turns out there's a tear on my retina...
It's that nasty green thing at the top...
Dumb luck worked in my favor, because a surgeon happened to be walking by as he was leaving for the day and saw my pictures. He walked into the room to take a look in my eye for himself and said that I should have surgery to put a scar around the tear so it doesn't get any bigger and detach my retina. That sounded scary, so I asked how soon I could get on the schedule to have it done.
"I'm going to do it right now."
Next thing I know, I'm staring into a laser gun with a lens stuck to my eye as my amazing surgeon starts blasting hundreds of flashes of light at my retina... damaging the tissue so it will scar over and make a barrier to keep my tear from spreading and causing serious problems.
I was told it might hurt and feel like a dull ache in my eye. I felt it, but it didn't hurt.
When I left the clinic, it was empty. Which made me realize how lucky I was to have a doctor care so much about protecting my vision that he stayed late to take care of it.
I was able to drive home with two pairs of sunglasses on my face and was fine. For about an hour. Then the dull ache pain thing started happening, so I took an overdose of Advil with a Benadryl chaser and went to bed. And once the pain drifted away, so did I.
I slept for 9-1/2 hours, which is more sleep than I've gotten in decades. And now I'm sitting in bed with my cats trying to pull out of my sleep-haze so I can get to work.
Which is sure to be fun because the blurry spot is still there, and I'm told it could be six months before my brain can make it go away enough so I don't notice it.
Don't get old, folks... there's nothing good that comes of it. One day things are fine, the next day your eyeball is falling apart.
Compared to my other eye surgeries, the whole cataract lens replacement surgery thing was a drop in the bucket. It doesn't even register to me. But the stellar results absolutely register.
People are asking me questions about how I'm doing two months on, so I decided to interview myself and ask the questions that people might want to know about. I'm both a great interview and a great interviewer, so this should be a treat for the both of us.
And there you have it.
If you're needing cataract surgery, it's definitely worth looking into. I can only speak for me, but it's one of the best things I've ever done.
All this week I've been talking about the cataract surgeries I've had (if you missed it, you can start with Monday's entry here). My review of the process has been positively glowing, and I have never been so happy to have done something so simple which has improved my life so much. But there are down-sides...
THE COST: As I mentioned, my insurance wouldn't pay for any multifocal lens options (most don't). If I wanted multifocal (and I did) I would be paying for the lenses out of my own pocket (though they would co-pay the actual surgery costs after my deductible had been met). Only monofocal lenses were covered. At the clinic I went with, the lenses are $2,900 each, $5,800 for the pair. I'm telling you right now that it would be a bargain at twice the price. But it's a fuck-ton of money at the regular price, and that's going to be a barrier for a lot of people. It was almost a barrier for me. But ultimately I couldn't put a price on my vision, which is used every waking moment of every day, so I bit the bullet. First I paid $188.91 for the exam and consultation after insurance. Then I wiped out my Health Savings Account to the tune of $3,935.14 for the first lens and surgery after insurance. Then $3,542.15 went on my credit card for the second lens and surgery after insurance. That's $7,666.20 and counting (I don't have the amount for the follow-up exam, as that hasn't gone through insurance yet). Having to care for your health is a real bitch in this fucked-up country. Even if I went with monofocal lenses, I'd still would have had to come up with $1,800. Maybe people have better insurance than I do. Maybe MediCare will have paid for all of it if I waited. I dunno. All I do know is that I'm going to be approaching an $8,000 medical bill so I can see.
UPDATE: Boy was I off. Turns out that my grand total for everything (at least I hope this is the end!) is $9472.63. Yikes.
ABRASION: I hesitate to talk about this because I seriously don't want to dissuade anybody from getting cataract surgery if they need it. My second surgery was flawless. After four hours or so, I felt the anesthesia wearing off. They tape your top eyelid over your lower lid so your eye doesn't dry out. That stings a bit, but is seriously no big deal. Once I could feel my eye moving again, I took off the tape, put medicine drops in my eye and... milky vision! But by the end of the day I was already seeing. In the morning I woke up and had perfect vision. Wonderful. This is the typical experience. My first surgery, however, was not typical. When the anesthesia started wearing off I was in horrible pain. Like I had been stabbed in the eye. I took the tape off and my eye was stuck looking up and to the right. Very disconcerting. The pain eventually lessened, but I was not comfortable. The next morning everything was blurry. I couldn't see out of that eye at all. In the morning when I went to my post-surgery checkup, I was told that my eye had somehow gotten an abrasion and three layers of my eyeball were scraped off in front of my pupil. Of course I never felt it happen during surgery since the side of my face was deadened. I was told that the eye has rapid healing, and I would 3 or 4 days. It took 7 days. After that I've had days where my eye goes a bit blurry. As of right now, I am still suffering from "Recurrent Corneal Erosion" because the new cells forming to heal my eye sometimes get stuck to my eyelid at night as my cornea swells, but that's being treated and I should eventually be just fine. UPDATE: I was prescribed some gel of some kind which reduced the swelling of my eye at night so my cornea could have a break and fully heal. That's all it took! Now everything is back to normal and I'm seeing perfectly. Amazing!
FLOATERS: I've had loads of floaters for decades. It doesn't generally bother me... until it does sometimes. I was told that the presence of floaters wouldn't change from what I had been experiencing except they would likely be more in focus. I can't really say for sure if that's true or not. It feels like it could be true... but since absolutely everything is more clear now, it could just be more of the same. What I can say is that because my vision is more clear, any disruption to that clarity is very noticeable once I see it. Floaters. A smudge on sunglasses. Something in my eyelashes. I can't unsee it. I have to take care of it ASAP or go crazy. But short of replacing your eye fluid via surgery, you can't "take care" of floaters. I am guessing that eventually it won't drive me as crazy on those occasions that I notice them. In the meanwhile? It's worst when working on my computer and that's kinda problem. I have a hard enough time concentrating... especially when working.
THE STUPID! This last one is all on me. Reaching up to take off my glasses before hopping in the shower or going to bed. Coming very close to poking myself in the eye because I think I have contacts in. And here's the thing: you really, really don't want to be poking yourself in the eye for a week or two after surgery. It takes your eye a while to heal, and doing damage by rubbing or poking it is something you definitely don't want to do. I have no idea how seriously you can cause problems, but I honestly didn't want to find out. My constant worrying was ultimately enough to stop me from doing damage, but it's hard to fight against instincts you've built for decades.
And thus ends my accounting of my cataract surgeries. Hope it was as fun for you as it was for me.
I'm talking about my cataract surgeries! If you missed Part One, you can find that here. And if you missed Part Two, you can find that here. And you definitely need to have seen Part Three, which is all about the surgery, which you can find here.
But today we're talking about after the surgery (Spoiler Alert: I could not be more thrilled with the results).
That first day you wake up after your second surgery when both of your eyes have had their lenses replaced, prepare to be in shock if you had a heavy eyeglasses prescription like I did. You open your eyes and... the world is in focus! You can see! It's definitely weird. But even weirder? It's kinda been messing with my head when I'm trying to fall asleep. Since I had been taking my glasses off before my head hits the pillow for decades, I think my brain uses that as a clue that it's time to start falling asleep. But now that everything is in focus when my head hits the pillow, my brain is still thinking that I'm not ready to sleep because I can see. No idea how long it will be before my brain understands that this is not how it works any more, but hopefully it's not too long.
But the strangest thing by far post-surgery is how I'm perceiving things around me. I thought that cataracts were only affecting my night-vision. Not being able to drive at night was what pushed me to get things fixed, after all. But I had no idea whatsoever that my day vision had been compromised. Badly. This was most obvious when I had only one eye's lens replaced. This is an (exaggerated) simulation of what I was seeing when I switched from one eye to the other...
My cataract eye looked dingy and yellow. My fixed eye looked cool, crisp, and blue-toned.
And then it hit me... my progression to dingy yellow vision happened over a long period of time. And my brain just kept remapping colors so that white still appeared white in my head, even though it was no longer very white at all. So once one eye got fixed, all of a sudden I was seeing white as being truly white in that eye. And since my brain had remapped color, it appeared blue-toned because it was no longer yellow-tinted.
Once my second eye got fixed, I had no way to compare what I had been seeing to what I was seeing after surgery. But the
Right now I'm kinda in-between. In another week once I've forgotten what my dingy eyes used to see, and my brain has finished re-re-mapping colors, I'm guessing that everything will settle down and my normal will be back to... well, normal... again.
One thing that I hope won't be going away any time soon is the clarity of what I'm seeing. My glasses were very thick, so there was a distortion to what I saw. And because there was refraction and grime and dust accumulation going on, I never saw things with any real clarity (though it was better than what I got out of multifocal contacts, because they weren't sliding around with every blink). I watch television now and, day or night, a 4K picture makes a big difference. It's so noticeable that when I look at SD (standard definition) content, it just doesn't look crisp to me any more (even though my television upscales and sharpens it). Never used to bother me, now it does.
And now a bit about my lens choice...
As you may remember in Part Two, I had to make a choice as to which lenses I'd get implanted. I opted for the Multifocal 2-Zone lenses because I didn't want to rely on glasses like I would have to with a monofocal lens, and was concerned with losing contrast which was more likely with a 3-Zone lens.
NEAR-VISION: I used to wear progressive bifocals to see near-to-far. I was told that with Multifocal 2-Zone lenses my clarity of sight would begin at 24-28 inches. I figured this would cover most of what I'm trying to see... 95% minimum. For that remaining 5% I'd just buy some reading glasses. So long as I could glance between working on my laptop and looking at my television without issue, I'd be fine. I was concerned about using my mobile phone since I do that a lot and I generally hold the phone fairly close. Turns out I had nothing to worry about. I can see my mobile perfectly if I hold it just a little bit further out (but not comically far away). To make it even less of an issue, I switched my iPhone to large-sized, bold dynamic text and turned on "Display Zoom." Anything closer than 18 inches is too blurry to be much use but, for me, that zone of 18-to-26 inches is okay, 26 inches to infinity is flawless. The only time it's been an issue is when I got a sliver in my finger and couldn't see to pull it out because I didn't have any readers handy. Guess I need to start stashing them everywhere like I do with tape measures.
BRIGHT LIGHT: Interesting to note that the lights in my house seem much brighter to me when it's dark out. It's like replacing a 75-watt bulb with a 100-watt bulb. At least it would be if my lights weren't all LED now. That will take some getting used to because not all my lights have dimmers on them.
CONTRAST: I am thrilled to say that, in my specific case, contrast is actually better than it was before my surgeries. Probably because everything is so much more clear and not because I'm actually getting more contrast. After my first eye was fixed, I would spend a lot of time comparing how I was seeing out of one eye vs. the other. There was no contest on contrast. After worrying so much about the risk of losing some of it, it was bizarre to find out that there was improvement. I went out walking around three nights in a row, and it was always the same... left eye in glasses: blurry mess where it's hard to pick out details... right eye after surgery: crisp with good definition. I know this won't be the case for everyone, so I feel fortunate. It does kinda make me wonder if I should have gone for the 3-Zone lenses after all. But no regrets. I love what I have, and feel good in my decision to go the more cautious route (because it's not like you can just swap for a new pair of lenses).
HALOS: When it comes to bright lights in darkness, yes there are halos that appear. But it's nothing compared to what I was seeing with cataracts. No more big blurry blobs dancing across my vision and obscuring my sight. I can watch movies in a dark room. I'm no longer afraid to drive at night. It's a huge plus. Yes, there's still glare, but I'm told that as my brain starts to adapt it will lessen more and more.
So... that's all the pros of my cataract surgery... are there any cons? We'll find out tomorrow!
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