Speaking of things I'm looking forward to...
Jessica Jones is premiering on Netflix this Saturday... and new X-Files is coming next January from FOX, for which the poster has just been released...
Nice!
And lest we forget... Marvel's Luke Cage and Iron Fist are also on-deck for 2016 from Netflix.
Not to mention Daredevil Season Two!
Definitely a good time to be alive. Television-wise.
Don't worry... blogging isn't as dead as they say, because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...
• Jones. I do not have the vocabulary to adequately express how much I'm looking forward to Marvel's Jessica Jones on Netflix this November 20th...
If it's even half as good as Davedevil was, I'll be ecstatic. Krysten Ritter and Mike Colter (as LUKE CAGE!) look to be knocking it out of the park.
• Outrageous. And so it turns out the shitty Jem and the Holograms movie adaptation is, in fact, shitty. Which was foretold by many, many people after watching the trailer...
IT'S NOT FUCKING ROCKET SCIENCE! RESPECT THE DAMN SOURCE MATERIAL OR FAIL!
• FAKE! Nothing like getting excited over a ton of five-star reviews on an item you're needing from Amazon... only to find out that every last one of them were from people who either got it for free or received a discount for their "honest and unbiased" review. Well screw that. Your "honest and unbiased" review is overwhelmingly positive because THAT'S how you get chosen to get free stuff for reviews! They're not going to choose people who are critical of the things they write about to review their product. I absolutely loathe this shit.
• Dull. Seems almost eerily accurate...
Dell. The pink slime filler of computer companies.
• Comeuppance. Oh. How sad for the price gouging little fucker.
• Force! This has got to be the single best video game commercials ever made...
The magic of video gaming is that it has the ability to put you in a fictional universe made real. Many video games have been advertising along these lines... this is the first one to absolutely nail it.
And I'm off. In the meanwhile, here's probably the cutest thing you've seen all week.
I'm watching It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown while I type this.
I haven't seen it in at least a decade and had forgotten just how smart, funny, and entertaining it is. Even more amazing is that it debuted when I was born, which means it's existed as long as I have...
Halloween is eleven days away, which seems a bit early for Halloween cartoons. I can only guess they are moving it back so that Christmas programming can start on November 1st and not feel too close. But who knows, maybe they won't even have the decency to wait for Halloween to end before the Christmas assault begins. Frosty the Snowman could be playing tomorrow for all I know.
And speaking of insanity...
Waw... waaaaawwww...
Eerily accurate.
So much for Tuesday.
Most. Adorable. Commercial. Ever.
LET THE DEATH THREATS AND CAMPBELL'S BOYCOTTS BEGIN!
Oh how I love a clever, smart commercial.
Obviously, this will be in the running for my favorite of 2015.
UPDATE: Oh wow... the whole series of commercials are fantastic!
Fantastic. Kudos to whomever came up with this bit of genius.
Saturday Night Live had a pretty good season opener with Miley Cyrus as host tonight. And while there was some drag at the end, overall is was one of the better SNL episodes in recent years.
Mostly because of one of the most perfect sketches in the history of the show. The Millennials is so dead-on that I was compelled to rewind the DVR and watch it again. Twice...
Yes, it's parody. But not by much.
This is exactly what I have to endure when dealing with the entitlement generation that's entering the work force now-a-days. They want tons of money, but don't want to work for it. AT ALL. And you absolutely cannot criticize what little work they actually accomplish or else they'll have a complete meltdown.
I can only imagine it's going to get worse from here, which has me seriously wondering what the future is going to look like.
Actually, I can't even imagine.
Too. Much. Television.
I really don't have time for this shit but, as I do every year, I try to watch every show that debuts just in case I end up not being able to live without it.
Here's the new crop so far...
Quantico. Kind of taking elements from How to Get Away with Murder and The Blacklist... yet not managing to screw it up as I fully expected they would. Keep the twists and turns coming, and this should be an interesting ride.
Blindspot. Hello, Jamie Alexander! I did not anticipate liking this show as much as I did. I just hope that they don't drag out the mystery of who Jane Doe is for so long that it becomes irrelevant. Get it wrapped up in the first season and move on to an even BIGGER mystery, and I'm yours.
The Grinder. Surprisingly good. Mostly due to Rob Lowe, who is charming as hell in just about every role he plays. Including this one. Fred Savage always seems like he's trying too hard, which can be annoying, but kind of works for his character.
Limitless. I held out zero hope for this show... but somehow they managed to enjoy it even though I wasn't very impressed with the movie it's based on. Dragging the FBI oversight into the game felt like it was going to be a bone-headed move... but now that I have a taste of how it could work, I totally get it. Now it's a concept that's sustainable. On a side note... I'm really glad that Jake McDorman got another shot at a show after the terrible Manhattan Love Story.
The Muppets. Not the Muppets I grew up with, but totally the Muppets I grew up with... if that makes any sense. I'm just glad to see them on TV again, even though the split between Kermit and Miss Piggy is very disturbing.
Scream Queens. I really don't know what to make of this show. It can be darn funny. It's fairly well-written and has a good cast. But it utterly fails as horror, which makes it come up short for me. Maybe a true "comedy horror" just isn't possible, but I can't say that they really even tried here. Still I like the whole serial murder mystery aspect, so I guess I'll keep watching.
Grandfathered. If it were anybody besides John Stamos in the lead, I'd probably drop this in "The Bad" column because it's such stale material. How can a baby joke be funny when you've heard it over and over again in every movie and television show ever? Still, Stamos delivers an easy charm as he usually does, so I guess I'll watch for a while.
Minority Report. I loved the original Ton Cruise movie and was curious to see how they could maintain a television show adaptation with a smaller budget and the pressure to write new stories in that universe week after week. Well... the smaller budget looks to be put to good use, but the stories? Not feeling it so far. I mean, mind-controlled pigeons? Really?
Life in Pieces. Unexpectedly fresh and funny. But, then again, I'd be entertained by a show where Diane Wiest reads the phonebook, so there's that.
Best Time Ever with Neil Patrick Harris. Best time? Barely a good time. Despite their best efforts to keep things exciting, the show is one big snooze-fest to me.
Public Morals. Probably would have liked it better if my expectations for Ed Burns weren't so high. Looks beautiful, but everything else is a bit muted. Ultimately worth watching, but I can't get excited about it.
Rosewood. It's an interesting idea (Quincy, M.E. gone rogue!) but the implementation is just so bad. The lead character is borderline unlikeable with his cocky arrogance and the supporting cast drives me insane. Was really hoping to get a great new Miami-based show after Burn Notice left us. This isn't it.
The Player. How can you get Wesley Snipes into a network television show and it end up like this? The plot is nonsensical in the worst possible way. The writing seems recycled from shows you've seen a hundred times before. And I seriously don't get how the illuminati-like plot device is sustainable. Maybe there's a huge game-changing shake-up in the first couple of episodes that snaps everything into place but, if not, this is just a big ol' mess.
Blood & Oil. Yeah. Yeah. I knew going in that this would probably be crap.
Heroes Reborn. The show Heroes was a shitty effort with bland characters and no budget to make a show about super-heroes actually have super-heroics. I thought now that The Flash was nailing the special effects needed for a show like this that maybe Heroes Reborn would at least get that much right. Nope. Yet another shitty show where they do everything they can to avoid showing super-powers. As if that weren't enough, the story is a boring, convoluted crap-fest as well.
If past precedence holds, I'll be dropping half of the Great/Good/Okay shows by the end of October. Half of the remainder will be cancelled or dropped by the end of the year. If I'm lucky, I'll only be watching four of these in the new year. I don't need any more television in my life.
Still to come? Supergirl, Dr. Ken, Code Black, Truth Be Told, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Angel from Hell, Chicago Med, Jessica Jones, The Expanse, Ash vs. Evil Dead, and Wicked City.
Why I won't be watching The Late Show with Stephen Colbert...
(Hint: It's the same reason I stopped watching Ellen)
I just don't get it.
I mean, yeah, I get it. It's a live show and you want to remind the television viewers that it's a live show so you have to break in with the studio audience every once in a while... but this is fucking ridiculous. It's almost a full hour of people screaming, yelling, and chanting which completely overwhelms the actual show. Sure it's annoying on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, but at least there it's tolerable. On Colbert it absolutely is not.
And now that The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore is starting up with the stupid-ass name chanting as well ("LARRY! LARRY! LARRY!"), I'll probably stop watching it too. I know his fucking name is "Larry," I don't need the audience fucking screaming it every ten minutes WHEN HIS NAME IS IN THE TITLE OF THE DAMN SHOW!
Next up? Laugh tracks. If you have to tell your audience when to laugh, YOUR SHOW ISN'T FUCKING FUNNY!
P.S. Also... YOUR LOGO IS HIDEOUS!
LET'S JUST FUCKING JAM EVERYTHING IN THERE SO IT'S AN UNREADABLE WORD BLOB! THAT'S THE TICKET!
I've loathed Jared Fogle long before he was arrested for being a piece of shit pedophile and child rapist. It had nothing to do with him personally... just his idiotic Subway commercials where he'd whore out whatever exaggerations and lies he was paid to tell. You can't compare a Subway sandwich with no mayo, no cheese, and no flavor to a Big Mac and be taken seriously, yet this moron did crap like that all the time.
Of course, now that he's been exposed as a piece of shit pedophile and child rapist, my loathing for him has understandably increased. And this time it is personal. It's no secret that I think monsters like Jared Fogle need to have their dick cut off then be shot in the head. Not just because they've utterly destroyed the lives of the children they've abused... but because they've contributed to The Sad State of Modern Times, making it so that absolutely everybody has to be treated as if they were a potential child rapist. The consequences of not being suitably cautious are just too horrific to live otherwise.
And I fucking HATE The Sad State of Modern Times we live in.
About the only thing that makes it bearable is the unrelenting ridicule that these disgusting assholes get dragged through. Which is why Chris Hardwick's speech on @midnight a while back is so inspiring...
This.
Exactly this.
Don't play with matches... because a smokey edition Bullet Sunday starts... now...
• Horror! I was very sad to learn that famed "Horror Maestro," Wes Craven, passed away. While he was most famous for his Nightmare on Elm Street and Scream series of films, I'll forever think of him as the director of Vampire in Brooklyn. This "so bad it's good" movie was supposed to be a comedy-horror film, but came up a bit short in both departments. Even so, I've watched it a half-dozen times because my love of all things Eddie Murphy has no shame. Well, that... and ANGELA BASSETT...
Rest in peace sir. Yours is a legacy that shall haunt the night for a very long time.
• Denali. At long last, North America's tallest mountain, Denali, has its name back. I'm sure President McKinley of Ohio was a great guy and everything, but it's categorically stupid that an entire mountain which he never visited and had nothing to do with him or his legacy could be renamed without permission from the native people living there. This goes for a lot of lands and landmarks around the world similarly appropriated, so it's kind of nice to see the right thing happen every once in a while. Despite objections, of course. As noted in Wikipedia: Ohio Congressman Mike Turner vowed to fight the change, commenting that "I’m certain [Obama] didn’t notify President McKinley’s descendants, who find this outrageous." Which, so far as statements go, is even more outrageous given that McKinley's two daughters died as children, thus leaving McKinley with no descendants to notify. Just another piece of shit lying politician trying to manipulate people with bullshit. What a fucking surprise.
• NEVER GIVE UP!. I cannot decide if this is good news or bad news.
• BETTY! This, on the other hand, is great news. Even if I'll have to watch the horrendously shitty show Bones to see it happen.
• Soap. Nurse Kathy is high again!
You're welcome!
• Hypocrisy. For the handful of county clerks saying "I'D RATHER DIE THAN ISSUE A MARRIAGE LICENSE FOR GAY COUPLES"... you're not the heroes you think you are. You regularly grant licenses for divorced couples, atheist couples, and a myriad of other couples who are getting married against "Biblical principal," so you are, in fact, just a bunch of pathetic hypocrites and certified assholes refusing to do the work your job requires. If marriage equality is SO offensive that you can't bring yourself to do what you're paid to do... then quit and find something that won't go against your hypocrisy.
Or just fuck off and kill yourself so you can be the martyr you profess to be. Except I think we all know that, in reality, it's more likely you're just being an attention-whore drama queen whose words are as hollow as your true convictions. Or whatever. I dunno. Feel free to prove me wrong.
Whichever. Totally up to you. Just so long as I don't have to see your "religious liberty" bullshit hypocrisy being applied to a government job that's supposed to be independent of your faith. Something you knew when you signed up.
And... I can't see to post any more bullets because the air has gotten too smokey.
Bullets be bullets cuz the bullets be here... and because Bullet Sunday starts... now...
• Daily? And so Jon Stewart has hung it up at The Daily Show. He will be missed. A lot. In so many ways he was a voice of reason in a world of utter madness, and the fact that it came from a comedy network tells you exactly how big a joke the media has become in this country.
I am having a difficult time imagining my life without Jon Stewart and The Daily Show in it.
And yet... there are others...
• Here it is... ...your moment of zen.
• Here it is... ...your moment of zen.
• Here it is... ...your moment of zen.
• Here it is... ...your moment of zen.
I'm all zenned out. Thank you for everything, Mr. Stewart.
See you in seven.
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