Tomorrow maybe...

Any day now...

Time to make that annual call to daddy... because Bullet Sunday on Father's Day starts... now...

   
• Dad! Oh yeah... happy Father's Day to all the dads out there!

I love a clever ad campaign.

   
• Hobbes! I live for stories like this.

And now I am missing Calvin and Hobbes. Again. Still.

   
• JEB!, MUTHAFUCKER! And so Jeb! Bush unveiled the logo for his 2016 presidential campaign...

What kills me here... other than the fact that this is a shitty, shitty logo... is the lengths good ol' Jeb! is going to distance himself from his Bush legacy. Like everybody is going to forget that he's a Bush when they go to the voting booth and see John Ellis "Jeb" Bush on the ballot. But, hey, what do I know? People are so stupid that it just might work! In which case Hillary Clinton should have done this...

Which is only slightly less offensive than her actual logo.

Oh gawd... this is really happening...

Originally spotted at Meme Generator.

= bursts into tears =

   
• Gotcha! This New York Times Magazine story... all over the place. Answer the damn question, say you don't have an opinion, say you don't understand the question, say you need time to get an answer together, say you just don't know... whatever... just stop blaming the journalist because they are doing their job by asking the questions people want answers to. Escaping to "gotcha-land" is the last refuge of an idiot and a coward.

Illustration by Javier Jaén. Child: Michael Svoboda/iStock. Microphones: Picsfive/Shutterstock.

Though, in their defense, idiots and cowards seem to constitute the bulk of the political landscape. We're ass-deep in idiots and cowards.

   
• Kit? Apple shit the bed so hard with HomeKit that there's a gaping hole in their mattress where common sense once rested. This story is just nuts. HomeKit went from being a shining beacon of what home automation should be... to an incomprehensible nightmare for everybody involved. This is amateur hour at best. At least we know why HomeKit was dropped from the WWDC keynote... it's a confusing pile of crap that (technically) doesn't work yet, and even Apple developers don't know where the technology is going. Pathetic. GET IT TOGETHER, APPLE!

   
• Preach? Holy crap... who listens to these people?

no. don't do it. stop.

   
• And Speaking of Urine Stains... 93.7% of men pee like this...

So now you know.

Now I'm off to enjoy what's left of my Sunday... by going to work.

The Daily Show was on fire last night, opening with something that was clearly trying to be more educational than funny, but ended up being pretty funny as well.

Though where a piece of shit like Donald Rumsfeld is involved, you're pretty much assured of having a joke built right in...

   
Of course somebody like Rumsfeld isn't going to learn anything from past mistakes... learning is for elitist liberal fags, not patriotic REAL Americans.

It's utterly fascinating to me how this country is a democracy in name only, and has been that way for quite a while now. Control in the United States of America rests in the hands of precious few, and their interests are always self-serving. Everyday citizens never enter into the picture, and we're just pawns for keeping wealth and power in the hands of the wealthy and powerful.

But so long as we are content to keep the status quo, we get what we deserve.

You're a typical American teenage girl who just wants a normal teenage life where you do typical teenage things and deal with typical teenage stuff. But your dad is the President of the United States, so that plan goes right out the window. Instead you lead a life that's anything but typical. Instead of going to the mall to hang out with friends, for example, you're dragged to some boring press event where your father will be... wait for it... pardoning a turkey. You don't want to spend a chunk of your day listening to dad make groan-inducing cheesy one-liners over a big bird, but you do it anyway because you're told to. Ironically this actually is a "typical teenage experience," because every teenager has to do stuff they don't want to do because their parents tell them to do it.

The difference being that typical teenagers don't have to do stuff in front of the entire country.

So you resign yourself to the fact that you have no choice but to attend the turkey thing and once again set aside your typical teenage dreams so you can live up to the unforgiving expectations of an entire country, if not the entire world. You check to see that your hair is presentable... you make sure you haven't spilled anything on your clothes... and you damn well cover up that zit that mysteriously appeared last night... this is going to be televised nationally, after all.

And then you show up to the stupid turkey event that you didn't want any part of from the very beginning... the same boring turkey event that you've had to go to for the past five years.

Hopefully your friends aren't watching this embarrassing situation.

Hopefully you remember not to pick your nose.

Hopefully it will be over with soon.

Hopefully...

Photo by Jacquelyn Martin/Associated Press

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Photo by... I don't know photo by because Daily Caller doesn't credit people for their work?

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Photo by Mark Wilson/Getty Images

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Photo by Pablo Martinez Monsivais/Associated Press

Whew. Thank God that's over.

Six down. Two to go.

Now back to your efforts of being a typical teenager try... trying... t...
   

   
Wow. That was kinda harsh. You did your duty to show up. Your clothes were clean. Your hair was presentable. You covered up that zit. You didn't pick your nose. You clapped in all the right places. Sure, you looked bored in spots... you were making bored faces... but this turkey thing was boring as hell. Who can blame you? You did your best to make lame jokes with a big bird look interesting, even this isn't really your thing. You'd rather be at the mall with your friends, right?

But haters gonna hate... so what can you do?

If some staffer for a Republican politician with an axe to grind wants to pathetically unleash her vendetta on a rival politician's kids, That's the way it goes, isn't it?

That's the game you signed up for, right?

Hey! Wait a minute... you didn't sign up for this! Your mom and dad did.

Oh well. You get to live in a really great house. You get to travel the world. You have opportunities that other kids can only dream about. It may not seem worth the trade-offs now, but I'm sure you'll come to appreciate it some day. Maybe.

And maybe... just maybe... next time you're forced into some boring-ass press event you will learn from your critics and live up to the lofty expectations of "class and respect" that people like Elizabeth Lauten expect of you.

Wow. That Elizabeth Lauten is really something, isn't she?

You're guessing that Elizabeth Lauten must have been a model teen, right? To be an authority on "class and respect" for teenagers, she must have been a regular Doris Day for crying out loud! Donna Reed could take lessons from Elizabeth Lauten! If only you could be like that! Perfect in every way at every moment like Elizabeth Lauten was as a teen. Forever having that perfect smile on your face like Elizabeth Lauten must have had. Always knowing the classy thing to do like Elizabeth Lauten did. Consistently ma... making... m...

Ooh.

So this is what she meant by "class."

Or do the rules only apply to teenagers who have a parent that's the president?

Except...

It doesn't seem right that the crazy stuff you did as a teenager should be tied around your neck for all eternity. Sure Elizabeth Lauten was busted when she was a juvenile, but should that be her defining attribute for the rest of her life? When your family has left The White House and you've grown up and started your own life, is the media going to dig up photos of you being bored at the turkey pardoning event every time you make a public attack on a couple kids whose dad you hate? Because that would be awful.

Despite her being a total hypocritical ass, you kind of feel sorry for Elizabeth Lauten now, don't you?

I mean, all she did was say some mean things to a couple of kids. Now she's out of a job.

Probably not for long though... I'm sure there are plenty of people who will make her out to be the total victim she is and give her a new job. After they let her down from that cross they've hung her from, of course.

Perhaps she'll be a new FOX "News" personality.

Because if there's anybody better at pardoning turkeys than your dad, it's FOX "News."

But anyway...

Best wishes to you. Hopefully you'll get a few days off before some other adult who hates your parents decides to pick over your every move and crucify you on the internet because they don't like what you're wearing or how your face looks when you're bored (SUCH a classy thing to do, by the way... I wonder how Bristol Palin dealt with this stuff?).

Oh... and good luck with that whole "typical teenager" thing you're shooting for. Let me know how that works out.

I don't believe The United States of America was created as a "Christian Nation" and never have. Our founding fathers made sure religious freedoms were built into the DNA of this country and were careful not to single out any one religion as "official" in our founding documents. This alone is all the evidence you need, but there is a lot of historical context to back it up (including the Treaty of Tripoli which spells it out in no uncertain terms).

No... in the only sense I have ever considered this to be a "Christian Nation" is that 77% of the population identifies as Christian.

But now I'm starting to think that at least 28%... and probably many, many more... of those identifying as "Christian" are full of shit.

Because if we truly were a "Christian Nation" as a matter of demographic, city governments would not keep making it illegal to feed the homeless. They would not do such a thing because Christians would not stand for it. Christians live by the example and teachings of Jesus Christ, and feeding the hungry is the very definition of what Jesus was all about...

Yes, Jesus is talking about spiritual hunger here, but look at the metaphor he's using! And he backs that shit up with one of his most famous miracles...

As evening approached, the disciples came to him and said, “This is a remote place, and it’s already getting late. Send the crowds away, so they can go to the villages and buy themselves some food.” Jesus replied, “They do not need to go away. You give them something to eat.” “We have here only five loaves of bread and two fish,” they answered. “Bring them here to me,” he said. And he directed the people to sit down on the grass. Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the loaves. Then he gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the people. They all ate and were satisfied, and the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces that were left over. The number of those who ate was about five thousand men, besides women and children. — Matthew 14:15-21(NIV)

And so, obviously, any true Christian considers feeding the hungry to be a major tenant of their faith. Because that's who Jesus is.

And yet...

Currently 33 American cities make it illegal to feed the homeless.

And they aren't playing. Earlier this month a 90-year-old manin Ft. Lauderdale was again arrested for his efforts in feeding the homeless. Sure there's public outrage... but not 77% public outrage calling for the resignation of city government and their bullshit excuses for creating such fucked-up laws (to "prevent government-run anti-homelessness programs from being diluted" — bitch, please).

And I don't get it. Where are the Christians in this "Christian Nation" of ours?

By their inaction, they're supporting those politicians who make it illegal to feed the homeless, I guess. Perhaps they think Jesus was the kind of savior who was worried about diluting government-sponsored programs or something.

But, setting Jesus aside for a minute, SINCE WHEN DOES A PERSON HAVE TO BE CHRISTIAN TO SUPPORT FEEDING THE HUNGRY?!?

77% of the population? Fuck that. Where are 100% of the population when stupid shit like this happens?

By their inaction, apparently 23% of them think this is a problem for the Christians to deal with instead of considering it to be a problem for humanity.

As for me?

MY faith forbids me from giving money to the homeless because they may use that money to purchase something harmful to themselves or others. But I buy food for the homeless whenever I am able. I see somebody who says they're hungry and I buy them something from a nearby market. Or take them to a nearby restaurant and pay for their meal. Or buy enough food when I'm dining out so that I can set aside part of it for them. And I don't give a crap if the city I'm in has some kind of stupid, unjust law in effect that forbids me from doing so. I may not be a Christian but, like the example set by Jesus, I don't particularly care about consequences when answering to a higher calling.

Because? Strut the Rooster...

   
Seriously? Getting arrested for feeding the hungry?

What the bloody fuck has this country come to?

I don't care if you believe this nation was founded on Christian principles or not. Right now I'm more concerned with us having any principles at all.

God bless America?

If this is what we've come to, I sincerely doubt it.

...and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday. — Isaiah 58:10

There is no outcome for the midterm elections that doesn't result in something more fucked-up than what we already have.

I voted anyway.

Here's hoping we waste even more money on elections in 2016 so we can end up with something even more fucked-up than the fucked-up we just voted on.

Holy shit is this country depressing during election time.

And here's that missing bullet from yesterday...

When it comes to the politics of religion, I generally remain silent because the fallout just isn't worth it. Even when I make a simple observation on the topic with no opinion whatsoever, it seems I end up with hate-mail or nasty comments. And it's not just here on Blogography. I once made the following comment on Facebook...

"Separation of church and state only seems to work one way, and that's to the sole benefit of the churches. They are given tax-exempt status so that their financial operations are kept separate from the government, as interpreted by the First Amendment, and that's fine. That's the law. But more and more we are seeing churches being actively involved in politics and government. They use their monies to sponsor candidates for public office, back legislation, contribute to lobbying efforts, and otherwise influence or control matters of the state. They are clearly not maintaining a separation from their side of the bargain. And yet there are no repercussions for them doing so. Get caught stepping over the line and you should be getting your tax exempt status revoked. But how often do we hear of that happening? Our government is tasked with upholding The Constitution and protecting the religious freedoms of the people they serve. Apparently this doesn't include protecting a person's freedom from religion. Which is why I want to vomit every time I see somebody claiming that they're being persecuted because they can't put Jesus on top of a post office... or same-sex couples can get married... or somebody says "happy holidays"... or whatever. Clearly, they have no fucking clue what "persecution" even means. Some churches have evolved into tax-free political action committees operating outside the law, and nobody does shit about it. The truth is that the only people being persecuted in this scenario are people wanting to live their lives free from religious rule and have a government free from church influence."

I ended up having to de-friend two Facebook "friends" and completely blocked a third over it.

And so I try to avoid the subject entirely, even though I think things are far worse now than they were when I wrote that five years ago. As churches and people of faith... namely, the Christian Right... feel more and more threatened by things they don't like (e.g. marriage equality), they've stepped up the persecution rhetoric to an all-time high. Many times I've wanted to write about this grotesque mockery of people who are enduring actual religious persecution... and the height of hypocrisy fueling it... yet I have resisted.

But now I don't have to write about it because somebody has written about it for me: News Flash to Christian Right: Religious Freedom Doesn't Give You the Right to Control Other People. So thank you, Robert Boston.

The only reservation I have over endorsing articles like this is the same one I always have... it does not apply to all Christians. I'm guessing it doesn't apple to most Christians. Not only that, but it could equally apply to any religious organization which feels their beliefs should dictate how other people live their lives in a society built on freedom of religion.

Or Freedom from Religion, as the case may be.

As expected, today was a lovely Spring day with gorgeous blue skies and warm temperatures. Which means the brief snow we got on Wednesday has evaporated.

For now. I'm guessing Winter... what little of it we're going to get... is still ahead. Hopefully the mountains are fairing better, or else we'll be in the middle of a drought come Summer.

In other news...

Literally in other news...

If you hadn't noticed, the whole Chris Christie Bridge Scandal exploded this week. The gist of the story is this...

• Back in September, on the first day of school, three lanes were closed on The George Washington Bridge in New Jersey... the busiest bridge in the world, linking Fort Lee, NJ to Washington Heights, NYC.
• The closure caused horrendous traffic jams in the city of Fort Lee, which was a nightmare for commuters and badly delayed emergency services for the area.
• The bridge closure was said to be a "traffic study." But when no evidence of a "traffic study" could be found, it was suspected that New Jersey Governor Chris Christie had shut down the bridge in retaliation for Fort Lee's mayor, Mark Sokolich, not endorsing Christie during his campaign.
• When asked if the bridge closure was retaliation, Governor Christie was a raging fucking dick in his denials.
• Fast forward a couple months and, SURPRISE! Communications surfaced which confirmed Christie's deputy chief of staff, Bridget Anne Kelly, had arranged the "traffic problems" in collaboration with David Wildstein, a Christie appointee to the Port Authority.
• YESTERDAY, Chris Christie had to eat shit and apologize for being a raging fucking dick, AND the heinous abuse of power by his people. He also tells everybody that Bridget Anne Kelly had been fired, and he had no idea all this was going on.
• TODAY, even more documentation has surfaced, showing a ruthless campaign of intimidation and full-on threats to cover-up the scandal by Christie's people in the Port Authority and his own office staff and campaign committee.

The million dollar question remains... How much did Chris Christie actually know about the closure, and was he the person behind it all? He denies it, of course, but he's a fucking politician. They don't know how not to lie.

But whatever. For me, whether Christie was or wasn't behind everything is secondary to his disgusting behavior as the scandal unfolded. THIS was a top contender for the office of President of the United States?

And it got me to wondering. Are there ANY contenders for President out there that I would actually want in office come 2016? So I started looking into the top people rumored to be in contention for the job. And the answer was not at all surprising...

No. No there are not.

I think of politicians like Paul Ryan, Hilary Clinton, Joe Biden, Bobby Jindal, Andrew Cuomo, Ted Cruz, and (God help us) Marco Rubio as President of the United States and I feel like I'm going to vomit then crap my pants and die. These people are PRESIDENTIAL material?

No. No they are not.

Which means somebody has got to step up to the plate and captivate the country Real Soon Now. Preferably somebody who's not a polarizing, divisive figure. And somebody who can be tough but fair. And supports personal freedoms. And has a brain in their head.

Somebody like Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

But, you know, real.

Not that blood-sucking vampire hunting skills wouldn't be handy in Washington DC.

In the 1992 movie The Distinguished Gentleman, Eddie Murphy plays a con artist who figures out that the most profitable con jobs of all can be found in American politics, so he bluffs his way into Congress.

The movie was widely panned by critics. They just couldn't say enough bad things about the film, and most movie-goers seemed to feel the same way. Not me. Yes, it felt like Eddie Murphy was making the shit up as he went along, and the movie would have benefitted greatly from a tighter script... but, overall, it's a pretty funny film.

And a very disturbing film as well...

Early in the movie Eddie's character, Thomas Jefferson Johnson, has just arrived in Washington and is meeting with a lobbyist representative named Terry Corrigan who matches lobbyists to politicians who share their views. Terry asks Thomas how he feels about sugar subsidies. Thomas doesn't know how he feels about sugar subsidies, so he asks Terry whether he should be for them or against them. Terry says something like "Shit, it doesn't matter to me... I can get you money on both sides." This kind of shocks Thomas, who says "Terry, tell me something. With all this money coming in from both sides, how does anything ever get done?" Terry's reply? "It doesn't. That's the genius of the system!"

The rest of the film is how Eddie and his friends try to maximize the money they can get out of the system, all while being in a constant state of shock at just how fucking easy it is for a Congressman to rake in absurd amounts of cash. At the end of the movie, Eddie's character makes a statement about how all his con-jobs in the past are nothing compared to the massive cons going on every day in the US government, except with Congress it's all perfectly legal.

The movie is as relevant today as it was when it was made twenty years ago, and I still think it's worth checking out. And here's why... As crazy and as exaggerated and as outrageous as the situations are in The Distinguished Gentleman, I am absolutely certain that what goes on in real-life Congress is a thousand times worse. And the more I read about what's happening with the assholes we elect into office today, the more I'm convinced that has to be true.

At least in the movie version I can have a laugh while getting fucked by Congress. Reality is not quite so entertaining.