As a television addict, there's three things that make me a homicidal mess.
1) Television networks canceling great shows before they have a chance to find an audience.
Television advertisers are Grade-A assholes who want to grab your attention at any cost. Even if it means hearing loss. Is it any wonder people want to record shows on their DVR and fast-forward through the crap?
Well, today Congress approved legislation that will hopefully fix this annoying bullshit. The Commercial Advertising Loudness Mitigation (CALM) Act will force advertisers to adopt technology which prevents overly-loud commercials within one year. Now the bill lands on President Obama's desk so he can sign it into law.
And he had better fucking sign it.
If some Hollywood special interest group blows him so he'll take a pass, I will be very disappointed.
Very.
Next up on the bullshit list? DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME!
Though I knew about AIDS far earlier, I first learned about AIDS from the TV show 21 Jump Street on February 7th, 1988. In the episode "A Big Disease with a Little Name" Johnny Depp's character is assigned to protect a student with AIDS at a local school that doesn't want him there. As the story progresses, they did a pretty good job of explaining what was known about the disease but, more importantly, they were careful to put humanity above all the clinical details and cold facts. It made for a compelling story which has haunted me ever since.
Because when discussing H.I.V. and AIDS, it's essential not to forget that what we're actually talking about is real people with hope, dreams, and fears just like everybody else on earth.
So on this World AIDS Day I encourage everybody to not only review the facts, but to also show their support for those who are living with AIDS. Through the miracle of modern medicine, AIDS is not the death sentence it was back in 1988, but the prejudice has never truly faded away...
Educate yourself. Protect yourself. Educate others.
But above all, be a compassionate and caring human being. That's the way they handle things on 21 Jump Street, and the world is a better place because of it.
If you're so inclined, you can have an 80's flashback and watch A Big Disease with a Little Name by visiting this Hulu link or this YouTube link. Prepare yourself for acid-wash jeans and mullets!
Despite living with snowy winters most of my life, I can never seem to get used to that first snowfall.
Eventually I become accustomed the weather and it doesn't bother me that much. But today?
In the morning when going to work...
At night when going back home...
I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
Why can't they make no-stick snow coatings for cars?
It's a crash-and-burn kind of Bullet Sunday. Every time I get started on in on a project, something comes along to bring everything to a screeching halt.
• Goodbye. Leslie Nielsen, who will forever be Lt. Frank Drebin to me, passed away today. I've lost count of the times I've watched his Police Squad! episodes and movies. Absolute classics in every sense of the word. Thanks for the many, many laughs over the years, sir! You will be missed.
Oh, and one more thing... I faked every orgasm!
• Alcohol. There's a meme going around encouraging people to share an uncommon alcoholic beverage that they've enjoyed. Since the only thing I drink now-a-days is Jägermeister in Red Bull or Vodka with cranberry juice, this is a tough one. About the only "uncommon" drink I can remember would be "POGaritas" which was a favorite with my friends and I on our trips to Maui, Hawaii in the late 80's and early 90's. "POG" is a popular juice-like drink (POG standing for "Passionfruit, Orange, Guava") invented in Maui (but is now sold State-side as well). For a POGarita, just mix a decent tequila with POG. Instead of a slice of lime for garnish, you use a wedge of pineapple. You can put sugar on the rim, but it tastes best when simply blended and served plain in whatever clean glassware you can find...
You have to be careful though, because the fruity flavor of POG camouflages a multitude of tequila-rooted sins. You can drink one after another and not really notice you're getting bombed until it's too late...
Don't judge my drunken ass too harshly. When it rains in Maui, about the only thing you can do is drink. I think this was from a trip in 1987... which was 23 years ago. If I had tons of money and no responsibilities, this would be how I spend my life today.
• Radiation Check. Holy crap... it just keeps getting worse. Why you should never submit to the airport porn-o-scanners.
• Bottom Gear. Just about every attempt by American television networks to recreate a popular British television series has resulted in total failure. With the possible exception of The Office, I can't even think of a show that's managed not to suck. Hard. I guess you could include American Idol in there, but I can't watch that show, so I don't care. The latest travesty is one of my most favorite British shows, Top Gear. It's tremendously entertaining on just about every level, mostly thanks to the awesome presenters...
Richard "Hamster" Hammond, Jeremy Clarkson, and James "Captain Slow" May
The big picture here is that the show doesn't need to be re-made. It translates perfectly to American audiences with almost no confusion, and BBC America should have just made a deal with one of our major networks to air it "as-is"... I think it would be a big success. Heck, it's already a big success for BBC America (which, unfortunately, not many people have here).
But oh no... instead we've got The History Channel (of all places) doing a re-make.
And it sucks.
I watched the first episode and hated it. But I chalked that up to having an emotional attachment to the original, and felt I probably wasn't giving it a fair shake. So I watched a second episode.
And it still sucks.
They're copying absolutely everything from the British original, but somehow failing at it. The presenters just aren't entertaining. They have -zero- chemistry. They're definitely not funny. All the "humor" on the show is badly forced and not even worth a chuckle. It's the exact opposite of what Jeremy Clarkson and Co. have going on the REAL Top Gear. Thankfully, my cable package includes BBC America so I can see it. I'm just pissed that many Americans will see the shitty re-make and think that "Top Gear" is terrible when they're not even watching Top Gear.
• DaveToon Redux. I rarely laugh at the cartoons I draw for Blogography. I'm usually too embarrassed over having slapped together yet another crappy piece of Colorforms art. Given the time constraints I almost always have, there's not much I can do about it, but it still bothers me. And yet... every once in a while something comes out of it that gets me to smile. This time it was the TSA cartoon I made for Bad Monkey. Specifically, one piece of one panel of that series...
I have no idea why, but seeing this makes me laugh my ass off every time. I'm laughing as I type this. I think it's because that one panel sums up who Bad Monkey is. He's once again gotten away with something he shouldn't have, and his smug victory stance as he walks away from all consequences of his actions defines his personality perfectly.
I need this on a T-shirt.
And, on that note, I guess it's time to put the computer down and see if I can get my crap together so I can get back to real life tomorrow. But first? Waffles.
Tonight I couldn't decide what to eat for dinner so I made waffles. They were tasty.
That was the most interesting part of my day.
In many ways I'm okay with my total lack of excitement this fine Thursday because tomorrow I'll be traveling all day, and we all know what an adventure that can be.
In the meanwhile, it's just waffles...
Waffles and dreams. Waffles and dreams.
I often try to imagine my life without consequences or responsibilities.
And millions of dollars.
I'm sure this is no different from everybody else in the world with an active imagination, but it makes me feel special to think that I'm the only one who would know how to do it right...
If anybody would like for me to test this theory for reals, please forward a couple million dollars to my PayPal account.
Happy Veteran's Day!
To all those now serving... to those who have served... to those who will serve... thank you from a grateful nation.
Become too self-absorbed, and it's only a matter of time before somebody comes along and kicks you in the nuts.
You probably deserve it.
It's a Very Special Halloween Edition of Bullet Sunday!
This year I've decided to put my bullets to good use and run a Bullet Sunday Countdown of the Halloween costumes I am most afraid of having show up at my door...
• #1) David Caruso...
• #2) Glenn Beck...
• #3) Sarah Palin...
• #4) Bill O'Reilly...
• #5) Rush Limbaugh...
• #6) Judge Judy...
• #7) Avitable...
I was going to put CLOWNS on the list, but that's obviously a given.
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