Take off your wooden shoes and relax... because a special DUTCHYLAND TRAVEL edition of Bullet Sunday starts now...

   
• Schiphol! Amsterdam's International Airport is named Amsterdam Airport Schiphol, and it's easily one of my favorite airports in the world. It's incredibly well organized, navigation signs are everywhere, and I've never seen extremely long lines for anything. Today I was flying Business Class, and it was literally ten minutes between when the DutchBitch dropped me off and I had gone through bag drop-off and security to be sitting in the KLM Lounge drinking a Coke and one of Dutchy's delicious cheese sandwiches. As if that weren't enough, every employee I have ever encountered at Schiphol has been exceedingly friendly and helpful. One of the cool things they do that seems to be increasingly common outside the USA is to have a monitor to tell you when luggage from your flight has hit the baggage carousel. Schiphol goes one step further and provides an estimate as to when the bag will be unloaded...

Never mind that it's almost always wrong (my suitcase was "expected" at 8:48, but it's 8:54 in this photo and it still hasn't shown up), at least they're trying to keep passengers informed!

   
• KLM! The major airline for the Netherlands is KLM Royal Dutch Airlines. When flying KLM, Business Class travelers are treated exceptionally well. But it's my memories of flying the airline when I was a coach passenger with little travel status that makes me love the company. As an example, way back in 2002 my Northwest Airlines flight arrived late at Schiphol and I missed my connecting KLM flight to London. When I explained that I was now going to miss my train to Edinburgh, the transfer agent asked if they could change my ticket from London to Edinburgh at no charge so I wouldn't delay my vacation. I very nearly went into shock. This just isn't done in the airline industry... especially when something is another airline's fault. But Northwest was a partner company and there was room on the next flight to Edinburgh, so KLM didn't give it a second thought. I probably had "Silver" status back then, but I don't think they even bothered to check before they made the offer. This not only saved me the cost of a train ticket, but actually ended up putting me ahead of schedule for my trip. And that's just one example. KLM has bent over backwards to help me out like that more than once, and is one of the few airlines I honestly have -zero- complaints about.

   
• Food! Another perk of flying KLM? The food. Yes. The food... on an airline! First of all, I can't recall a time that there wasn't a vegetarian option. Whether it be a simple sandwich or full meal service, they always seem to have a meat-free selection. Second of all, I can't recall ever having a bad meal. Tonight I wasn't hungry, but I couldn't say no when they offered dinner service... on my two-hour flight to Helsinki. Now-a-days, you'd be lucky to get a free snack on a flight that short, but here's KLM's idea of service...

That's cheese gnocchi pasta pillows over spinach, a mozzarella and tomato salad with lemon olive oil dressing, a dinner roll with butter, and a chocolate-praline mousse pudding with cookie topping for dessert. ON A TWO-HOUR FLIGHT! Even on an hour hop, I've been served everything from delicious cheese sandwiches to pizza. It's unreal. I don't just like flying KLM, I thrill to flying KLM, and the wonderful food is a big part of that.

   
• Trains! In the Western USA, we don't have a very good train network at all. As an example... if I want to take the train to Seattle, I first have to drive 20 minutes to Wenatchee, then catch the one train that goes to Seattle every day... at 5:35am. This is pretty much useless, so I never take the train. Contrast that with the train network in the Netherlands...

Image grabbed from the internet... source unknown.

For a rather small country, the rail coverage is astounding. You can go just about anywhere on clean, comfortable, fast trains with schedules that are actually useful. I long for this kind of service where I live.

   
• S.T.E.P. The US Department of State has a program called "STEP" which is the Smart Traveler Enrollment Program. US citizens traveling or living abroad can register their trip so that if they run into a problem it's easier for them to get help from local embassies since they'll already have your information. It also lets the embassy know that you are in the area in case something seriously bad happens... like a violent uprising, government takeover, invasion, or Justin Bieber concert. I'm guessing if something like that were to happen, they could track down everybody registered in STEP and make sure they're safe. Or, I suppose they could also be hacked by terrorists so that it's easier to find potential hostages and/or victims. Regardless, given the world we now live in, I've decided to risk it and have gotten in the habit of entering my trips abroad into STEP. Whether you decide to do that or not, it's still worth your time to see what the program offers, so here's a link to the Bureau of Consular Affairs and STEP.

   
And on that note, I must say... Tot ziens! Vaarwel! Dag!

I pretty much have one day in the Netherlands before heading out again.

The DutchBitch decided that this would be best spent visiting "Maastrecht." I thought this might be the name of a windmill... or perhaps a cheese farm... but she tells me that it is a city. "Wow! There are other cities in the Netherlands than Amsterdam?!? I asked before getting slapped in the face.

And so there are. Maastricht is about as far as you can get from Amsterdam whilst still being inside the Netherlands...

It's a very pretty city. The first photo I took was this statue of St. Hubertus reading a book to his deer skull hat...

One of the more famous landmarks of Maastricht is the red tower of St. Jan's. Which looks fantastic when photographed in HDR...

Sadly, there was bad news to be found in the shadow of the Red Tower... somebody lost their Miffy doll and binky. She now waits patiently for her owner to come back and get her...

Walking through the city I found this really cool "Bidweg" monument... "Bidweg" meaning "Way of Prayer"...

The waterway nearby is filled with brilliant green plants which I thought looked like something out of a Van Gogh painting...

There's a wall surrounding old Maastricht that you can walk on top of. It's quite pretty and looks more like a garden than a wall...

The wall itself is home to a lot of flowers and plants that have managed to grow between the cracks...

I got excited when I saw a Free Ladies party... until I saw it was a month ago...

A sign asking people to be quiet so the neighbors can live in peace was interesting. I wonder if it works. I sincerely doubt it would any effect in the USA...

Awesome kid drawings at a Maastricht school...

The DutchBitch then took us to hell...

Helpoort... or "Hell Gate"... is the oldest surviving city gate in the Netherlands (from the year 1229!). It's in amazingly good shape for being so old, and well worth a visit.

After wandering around for a few hours, it was time to head back to Casa de DutchBitch. But not before... WAFFLES!!!

The perfect end to a perfect afternoon.

Pretty much the only thing on the agenda today...

PATATJES MET!!!

I swear, if I lived here in DutchyLand, I'd undoubtedly weigh 600 pounds.

The plan was to wake up early, have a quick breakfast, get my work done, go shoe-shopping, have a nice leisurely lunch, then head to the airport a full two hours early.

The reality was that I woke up early, had a quick breakfast, started in on work... WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN EVERYTHING WENT TERRIBLY, TERRIBLY WRONG! AAAAAAHHHHHHH!

And so I managed to get to the aiport just 45 minutes before my international flight, boarding the plane just 30 minutes before take-off (thank you TSA Pre-Check!).

Without new shoes. Without lunch. Without my santiy.

The flight to the Netherlands itself wasn't too bad. I just watched movies to pass the time.

• Sound City. When I first saw this film, I said... "It's brilliant. A total love letter to old-school music production by some big names in the business... including Paul McCartney, Trent Reznor, Lindsey Buckingham, Mick Fleetwood, Stevie Nicks, Tom Petty, Lars Ulrich, and more. If you love music, this is a documentary that's well worth checking out." — Now that I've seen it twice, I love it even more. Seriously amazing documentary by Dave Grohl that is worth your valuable time. Yes, it starts a little slow, but it builds to something important.
• Don't Stop Believin': Everyman's Journey. This is a docu-drama about the band Journey's efforts to replace lead singer Steve Perry (again) with a fan on YouTube from the Philippines named Arnel Pineda (who sounds exactly like Perry). It's an interesting, yet oddly superficial film... basically acting as an advertisement for seeing Journey on tour. But if you like the band's music, you'll definitely enjoy this movie.
• Field of Dreams. My favorite film of all time. It is pretty much flawless, and the performances by Kevin Costner and James Earl Jones are sublime. I cannot help myself whenever I see the film playing. I am compelled to watch.
• Notting Hill. A guilty pleasure I am unable to be embarrassed about. This Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant rom-com hits all the right notes, even though it feels remarkably clumsy in spots.
• The Incredible Burt Wonderstone. I held out -zero- hope for this film because the previews looked so stupid. But Jim Carrey's take on a new-wave street magician who challenges old-school magicians Steve Carell and Steve Buscemi was actually pretty funny.

Add in some episodes of The Newsroom and the 10-hour flight was over just like that.

Apparently my punishment for having a day with no complaints is to have everything go wrong for two days. I just can't seem to catch a break.

So... lesson learned: Find something to complain about, even when you have nothing to complain about, or get something to complain about. I guess that's just the way the universe works. From now on when I ask somebody how it's going... and they answer "I have no complaints!"... I'm going to respond with "THEN YOU ARE A FOOL!!!"

Because I'm all about constructive feedback.

Work has been an all-consuming day-and-night affair. I'm not just burning the candle at both ends, but instead taking a flamethrower to the candle then falling asleep on it. Except I don't have time to sleep, so I pop back up with melted candle on my face and go back to work.

Fortunately, I'm working in Zombie Country again, so I fit right in...

And now for the complaints...

• What is it with Chili's and salt? I love this restaurant, but they always over-salt their fries. And not by a little bit... but a lot. There are times I wonder if an order of Chili's fries is more salt than potato. Since there is salt on every table, this just seems idiotic. Let people who crave high blood pressure add tons of salt to their fries if they want it... leave the rest of us at least a little but healthier.
• May whomever the sadistic fuck is that designed the car rental return at Atlanta's Hartsfield-Jackson Airport burn in hell for all eternity. I use the place twice a year and still screw up whenever I try to return my rental because it's just so confusing and badly marked. If you're going to make it this difficult, at least add some decent signage.
• Even worse? Both Apple Maps and Google Maps send you to a dead end when you try to use their services to get back to the car rental center. FOR SOMETHING THIS IMPORTANT, SHOULDN'T YOU TEST OUT THE INSTRUCTIONS YOU'RE GIVING PEOPLE? Because, obviously, 99.9% of the people trying to return their rental cars ARE PEOPLE WHO ARE UNFAMILIAR WITH THE AREA!
• Still cannot believe that Auntie Anne's pretzels has closed up shop at the airport. ALL I WANT IS A DECENT PRETZEL BEFORE MY FLIGHT, IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?!? Apparently.
• Lightning crashing all around the airport had me seriously thinking that my flight was going to be canceled. Imagine my thrill when it wasn't! We actually left the gate EARLY! Only to sit on the tarmac for an hour. I know that the people running the show can't control the weather... but certainly they could manage things better when it happens.
• And, of course, they didn't have the gate ready when we landed in Seattle, so we ended up sitting on the tarmac there as well.
• When I called for my hotel shuttle, I was told that it shut down 10 minutes ago. Of course their website says nothing about limited hours for their FREE AIRPORT SHUTTLE. And here's the thing... if you advertise a FREE AIRPORT SHUTTLE, you need to service all the flights arriving AT THE AIRPORT.
• And so I had to pull my car out of the parking lot, meaning that I'm now going to pay $55 extra when I put it back in the lot tomorrow. It was either that, or pay the $55 for taxis.
• My hotel sucks ass. It really, really does.

THERE! Hopefully all that complaining will put me back on track for mildly crappy days instead of horrendously shitty days.

Thanks a lot, Universe.

"GET BACK HERE, TACO BOY!"

I'm pretty sure I was already kinda awake, but it was those words reverberating through the hallway of my hotel after hearing a door slam that finally managed to really wake me up.

Kids, right?

Or, in this case, more like parents not minding their kids at 5:30am.

Not the best way to start my day, but it did start my imagination running as to how some kid would end up with "Taco Boy" as a nickname. At least I hope it's a nickname.

After that minor incident, I really have no complaints about my day. None. Checkout at the hotel was painless. The shuttle to the airport was on time. The people at the Sixt desk were awesome. My rental car ended up being a Prius that I really enjoy driving. The trip down to my job site was completely uneventful. The day's work started early and went well. I had Dr. Pepper, Pretzels, and GIANT Kit-Kat for lunch. A nice breeze took the edge off the afternoon heat. I caught up on my emails. I had a terrific dinner with a friend from work. Now I'm laying in bed listening to cicadas (or some other noisy bugs) screech into the night.

Well, okay, I really could do without the screeching bugs, but it sure beats screeching kids at 5:30 in the morning, so there's that.

And now I just don't know what to do with myself since I have nothing to complain about.

A few more days like this and I may have to give up blogging.

   
Oh... speaking of kids... this video was shared on Facebook by Certifiable Princess and is must-watch material...

Just one more good thing to come out of my day.

And another...

Dayamn! These videos are like popcorn. You just can't stop reaching for another handful.

Except I have an early call to work, so no more for me.

In order to save money on airfare, I flew into Atlanta a day early. Sure it meant getting up at 4:00am this morning, but the cost of flying is getting to be so outrageous that you do what you gotta do. The up-side was that I ended up getting into town at 2:00, which left me time to meet up with some Atlanta peeps for dinner.

And what a dinner it was...

Dante's Down the Hatch "Jazz and Fondue Restaurant and Club" has been an Atlanta institution for 43 years that I've never heard of. Which is odd, because it's fairly famous. It's a themed restaurant built around a "sailing ship" that's surrounded by live crocodiles. Kind of like dining in the middle of the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland, but without the animatronic pirates and stuff...

All this plus CHEESES OF THE WORLD!!!

The menu is a bit confusing. I thought I was ordering vegetable fondue, but it ended up being vegetables and a pot of boiling oil. But that didn't stop me from unintentionally stealing some of somebody else's cheese, which was delicious (Houston, I owe you dinner next time I'm in town!)...

The jazz was good. Really good. And since our table was inside the ship, we had a front-row seat!

All in all an awesome way to spend an evening. I'm sad that the place is closing at the end of the month, as I would have absolutely come here again.

Many thanks to blogger buddies (et al) The Muskrat, Whipstitch, Coal Miner's Granddaughter, Copasetic Beth, and Houston's Problem for strawberry daiquiri-infused dinner fun!

The drive over the mountains to Seattle-Tacoma International Airport is just 2-1/2 hours. Which is just about as long as it takes to fly over when you add together the driving, waiting, and flight time. Money-wise, it's a wash too, as gas and parking come very close to the cost of airfare.

All things considered, I prefer to fly. But, more often than not, I end up driving because my tiny local airport keeps reducing the number of flights into Seatac and has shitty connections to other flights. And by "shitty" I actually mean "horrendously shitty" because the layovers can be 4 or 5 hours long. Which is entirely too much time to be spending at an airport.

Except...

It's getting to the point where the 2-1/2 hour drive is getting to be far, far worse than a long layover. Case in point, what I went through to get here today...

• Somebody ahead of me driving 45mph in a 60mph zone while weaving all over the road. When I finally got to a spot I could pass the dumbass, sure enough... he was talking on his mobile phone.
• Following three trucks and finally getting to a passing zone with a truck lane... only to have one of the trucks go out of the truck lane to pass, thus fucking up my opportunity to pass.
• Having a woman pass me, but not really... as she gets beside me and drive the exact same speed, thus blocking the passing lane for me to use.
• Road construction. Which is not a big shocker because there is always road construction. Most of the time I have to wonder what good it is to keep making improvements when all it ever does is fuck up traffic. For a decade I've been thinking "It'll all be worth it once they finish the construction!"... but since they never ever finish, is it actually worth it?
• Some idiot driving under the speed limit in the passing lane... WITHOUT PASSING ANYBODY. When I finally get a window to pass him on the right, I turn back into the lane only to have the dumbass start flashing his lights at me, as if I were the asshole here. Well, you piece of shit, if you don't like it... STOP DRIVING IN THE PASSING LANE WHEN YOU AREN'T PASSING ANYBODY!
• Taking the exit for my airport hotel only to have somebody who missed that same exit suddenly come screaming across the divider and cut in front of me.
• Having to pass somebody who was texting at a stop light because they were too busy typing and didn't notice the light change.
• Finally getting to my hotel, but not being able to turn in because somebody was driving in the restricted lane that's meant for public transit and turning ONLY.

And that's only the stuff that made me so angry I remembered it.

So... adding an extra 4 or 5 hours to my trip? Not quite the horrendously shitty endeavor it used to be.

At least not when compared to the horrendously shitty driving alternative.

Probably not a good idea to watch a documentary on germs, viruses, and diseases before traveling.

And... back to packing.

Thanks to yet another massive chunk of ice breaking off the continent, Antarctica just moved past India to take the top spot on my travel bucket list. I just have to see it before it's gone.

The problem is that it's SO expensive to do it right.

Even if I start saving immediately after I get back from this year's vacation in October, I still won't have enough money to afford the trip by the time Winter 2014 rolls around. Which means I'll have to go into credit card debt. Unless I wait until winter 2015, which I'd really rather not do.

And, yes... I know exactly what this sounds like.

"Oh boo hoo! People in Africa are starving and you can't afford to vacation in Antarctica! Poor little you!"

And I totally agree. This is the cream of First World Problems right here.

But... Antarctica.

And so I've got to buckle down and get serious over the next couple months so I can make this happen.

Why can't I have millions of dollars so stuff like "budgeting for a vacation" doesn't have to occupy my time?

Okay, okay... that's the cream of First World Problems.