I fly a lot.
And flying a lot means that I get benefits and privileges which help to make my constant flying suck less. I've laid it all out here before but, in summary, it involves things like First Class upgrades, early boarding, free luggage allowances, etc. etc.
For as long as I've been flying, these perks have been earned by flying a certain number of miles within a airline partner program. For example, to earn "Platinum" status with the Delta SkyMiles program, I have to fly 75,000 miles. That's pretty easy for me to do, because I can add up the miles from Delta, Alaska Air, Korean Air, Air France, or any other SkyMiles partner airline.
But all this changes in 2014.
In order to qualify for Platinum status with Delta I not only have to fly 7,500 miles, but I ALSO have to spend $7,500 on Delta flights that are in my name as shown on the following chart...
Which means none of the money spent on Alaska Air, Korean Air, Air France, or other partner airlines means shit (well, unless they are Delta-coded flights, and most of the ones I fly are not).
The upshot of all this is that I'm fucked.
I don't spend $7,500 on Delta flights because Seattle isn't a very big Delta direct-flight hub, which means I will be lucky to make Gold status in 2014.
UPDATE: After complaining about the "Million Miler" changes (which I talk about below) to a Delta rep, I was told that the $2,500 does not apply to Million Miler Silver status, and I would enjoy Silver benefits no matter how much (how little?) I would spend. I sincerely hope this is true, as it really is the right thing to do... but the below information was posted to a frequent flier forum after another SkyMiles flier had asked a Delta rep, so I dunno which is true. I guess we find out in 2014.
But the bigger problem for me is when I reach Million Miler status... probably in 2015. Once I fly a million SkyMiles, I get permanent Silver status, which I was looking forward to using in my later years when I'm not flying as much. But now that permanent Silver status ain't worth shit unless I spend $2,500 each year. And that probably won't be happening when I've retired and am living on a fixed income.
Which means the goal I've been working towards for decades is now practically useless.
So typical.
Over the years I've flown with Delta even when other airlines were cheaper because I thought I would be rewarded for my loyalty down the line. My million mile payday. But companies just don't give a fuck about their customers any more. The only thing they give a shit about is how much money they can squeeze out of you right now. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that Delta screwed me... that's all companies do any more.
Now we get to sit back and wait for all the other airlines to follow suit.
They are, after all, companies too.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BETTY WHITE!
And so I didn't get to leave Spokane yesterday as planned.
In an attempt to make the best out of the situation, I decided to go to Pita Pit for a falafel sandwich last night. It was delicious. Back home, most people don't even know what the heck "falafel" is, so I don't pass up opportunities like this.
On the way back to my hotel, I passed two guys fighting over change on the sidewalk. One of them screams "MY DARK SIDE IS COMIN' OUT AND YOU DON'T WANNA FUCK WITH MY DARK SIDE!" The other guy pushes him away, grabs the quarter off the sidewalk, then runs off screaming "I'M THE JEDI MASTER, BITCH!!"
How cool was that? Witnessing this exchange made me feel better about not being able to go home.
Sadly, this moment of happiness was fleeting. Lately I've been having an even worse time sleeping than usual, and last night I got no sleep at all. Methinks it may be time to revisit my insomnia with a new doctor. Not that doctors have been much help in the past, but I suppose I owe it to myself to keep trying.
Breakfast this morning was the same as yesterday morning... leftover pizza from my dinner two nights ago. Since I don't have any plates, I had to get a little creative in finding something for my pizza slices to sit on while heating...
Anyway...
The drive home was pretty uneventful.
Normally, that's a good thing when traveling... but on such a long, boring drive, a little bit of "eventful" would have been nice. Especially since I was working on no sleep.
Oh well. I survived it. I'm home. Anything on top of that is gravy.
Picking up from yesterday's unexpected journey...
The 3-1/2 hour drive to Spokane is not one of those awe-filled journeys that you look forward to. It's pretty much 30 minutes of civilized nothing followed by three more hours of nothing nothing. The Columbia Basin is vast, flat, and uneventful, with only a few farms and a lot of road to distract you from the tedium. Not to say that there can't be some pretty moments in the summer when the crops are out... I've seen some amazing sunsets, for example... but mostly? Not a lot to look at.
And now it's the middle of winter, which means there's even less to look at than usual...
The truth is that I never minded the drive that much, because there was always the best pizza on earth waiting for me when I arrived in Spokane at David's Pizza. But then this happened...
Needless to say, my trips to Spokane are not quite what they used to be. The owner of what was once David's Pizza is co-owner of a bar/restaurant called Famous Ed's where they claim to serve the same pizza... but not so much. The crust at David's was crispy with a nice snap to it when you took a bite. The Famous Ed's crust is tough like shoe leather and has to be torn off the slice. There's also something different about the sauce, but I can't put my finger on it. David's just had a better flavor profile somehow (though I'm sure it's the same recipe). The biggest problem is that Famous Ed's is always changing the toppings for "The Da Vinci"... last time they added clove garlic and salt... this time they added green peppers (which totally overpowered the feta and pesto notes that make this pizza so amazing). Oh well. They were running a special where you could get a large for the price of a small, so at least I'll have something for breakfast tomorrow...
For those who have never been here, Spokane is an interesting place. It's more like a humongous town than a big city. It stretches for absolute miles, but it never seems densely populated because it's so spread out. Even the downtown area, which is fairly cosmopolitan, never really seems like you're in a modern metropolis. The end result is actually kinda nice... you have most of the stores and services of a big city, but without the massive crowds and craziness.
Meaning "Children of the Sun" in the Native American Salishan language, Spokane (the second-largest city in Washington State), has a few claims to fame that I know of. It was the site of the 1974 World's Fair Expo. It was the setting for the Johnny Depp movie Benny & Joon and the Madonna-soundtrack-fueled film Vision Quest. It's the city where future Ted Mosby (from How I Met Your Mother) designs his first skyscraper (though, honestly, the idea of a skyscraper in Spokane is ludicrous, as I had previously talked about). Spokane is also home to the Lilac Festival in mid-May, which is kind of a notable event. At least it is here in the Pacific Northwest. And then there's the Bloomsday Run, which claims to be the largest timed race in the USA. And, of course, Bing Crosby grew up here and this is the city where Father's Day was invented.
Most important of all, Spokane is home of Gonzaga University Basketball, which is all kinds of famous. Oddly enough, some out-of-staters have asked me where the "City of Gonzaga" is, not realizing that the college is named for a Jesuit saint and not a city (the university itself having been founded by the Roman Catholic "Society of Jesus").
The geography of Spokane is also worth mentioning, because that massive blob on a map of Eastern Washington is not really all Spokane. It's divided into two parts... Spokane and Spokane Valley...
The city of Spokane Valley picks up at the eastern edge of Spokane proper and extends almost to Idaho. If you ever question which city you're in, all you have to do is look at north-south streets. In Spokane, they're labeled as "streets" but in Spokane Valley they're labeled as "roads." The distinction between the two cities is kind of important, and some Spokane Valley locals will be offended if you say they're from "Spokane" (just as a Spokane resident might be offended if you were to say they live in the "Spokane Valley," which has a specific meaning in this part of the state). It's not quite so contentious now, but decades ago it was kind of a "West Side Story Jets and Sharks" situation where Spokane kids and Valley kids did not mix. Even today, both cities have separate ecosystems for living, shopping, and eating... they're just not so isolated as they once were.
And that, as they say, is that.
Probably more about Spokane than you wanted to know, but that's what you're paying me for.
And... something unexpected just came up.
Instead of blogging, I have to hop in my car and drive a lot.
Way back in the early days of this blog (as in, eighteen months into this blog) I did one of those "Fifty Things To Do Before You Die" that was published by the BBC. This morning I got an email from a friend who stumbled across it and wrote to tell me that a couple things on that list that I wanted to do I actually did.
I thought that was pretty cool, so I went back and pulled those items where the status had changed to see how many I had left that I wanted to do (here's a link to the rest of the original list, if you're interested)...
THINGS I DONE DID...
• Scuba dive on Great Barrier Reef, Australia (Wanna do it! Done it!)... I would want to re-up my certification first (it's been a while), but I would absolutely do this. Finally made it to Australia in September 2011, and diving the Great Barrier Reef was on my must-do list. Unfortunately, thanks to massive Cyclone Yasi that struck in February 2011, much of the beautiful corals were wiped out, and environmental factors mean they probably ain't coming back. Such a shame. But it was still a terrific experience.
• Walk the Great Wall of China (Wanna do it! Done it!)... Absolutely want to do this one. And I absolutely did do this one when I went to China the year after I completed this list!
• Catch sunset over Uluru (Ayers Rock) , Northern Territories, Australia (Wanna do it! Done it!)... And, again, when I finally get to Australia I probably will. Went to Australia, and absolutely fulfilled a promise to myself to do this. Truly an amazing experience.
• Hike up a glacier (Done it! Really done it!)... My home state of Washington has glaciers as well. Nothing like Glacier Bay in Alaska, but still. When I said "nothing like Alaska," I didn't realize how true that was until I actually went there, then took a helicopter to the top of a glacier and hiked around. Epic!
CHANGED MY MIND...
• Climb Sydney Harbour Bridge, Sydney, Australia (Wanna do it! Probably not!)... And when I finally end up making it to Australia, I probably will (despite my fear of heights!). Ummm... yeah... after seeing the climbers actually climbing the thing as I was walking over the Sydney Harbour Bridge, I don't think there's any way I would want to do this.
• Explore Antarctica (Probably not! Wanna do it!)... Uh, why? I might consider it if they built an authentic Hard Rock Cafe but otherwise no. I have no idea what I was thinking. This somehow went from something I didn't want to do... to something I obsess about. I spend a lot of my time trying to figure out how to make this happen.
• Explore the Galapagos Islands (Probably not! Wanna do it!)... This is a preserved area, and only scientists, researchers and such are given permission to visit. Boy do I feel stupid. It's absolutely possible for ordinary citizens to visit the Galapagos Islands, it's just really expensive. Of course I want to go there.
• Ride a camel to the Pyramids, Egypt (Wanna do it! Probably not!)... Absolutely something on my list to do. Uhhh... yeah... went to see the pyramids in 2007 and felt absolutely no need to ride a camel there (I've ridden one before). Instead went inside The Great Pyramid of Giza, which was awesome.
STILL WANT TO DO...
• Walk the Inca trail to Machu Picchu, Peru, South America (Wanna do it!)... My brother and I were going to do this, but he decided to get in an accident and nearly blow his face off instead. Oh well, maybe one day.
• See elephants in the wild (Wanna do it!)... Since I'm sure the elephants at Disney's Animal Kingdom don't count, I do think it would be cool to go to Africa or India and do this one.
• Fly over a volcano (Wanna do it!)... While on the Big Island of Hawaii, I walked over a volcano, which seems much more impressive, doesn't it?
• Gallop a horse along a beach (Wanna do it!)... My riding skills are crap though.
• Watch mountain gorillas (Wanna do it!)... Who wouldn't?
• See tigers in the wild (Wanna do it!)... But don't tigers EAT you in the wild?
• Do the Cresta Run, Switzerland (Wanna do it!)... Heck yeah I would do this! Probably die while trying, but what a way to go!
• See orang-utans in Borneo (Wanna do it!)... Why not? Boy, sure a lot of wild animal watching on this list!
• Go polar bear watching (Wanna do it!)... Why not? Boy, sure a lot of wild animal watching on this list!
So that's like... eleven things from the list I still want to do. Half of them, I probably have a shot at. That's not so bad.
If only I have the time and money to get started...
For those who only read one of my posts each year... or anybody wanting a recap of the past year here at Blogography... this post is for you! I've jettisoned loads of the usual junk so this entry is "mostly crap" instead of the "total crap" they usually are.
It wasn't a bad year. Finally made it to South and Central America. Finally made it to The Keukenhof after years of visiting the Netherlands. Got to see Matt & Kim again. Oh... and didn't kill anybody again. And, as usual, any year you don't have to kill somebody can't be all bad, right?
JANUARY
• Found out I'm my own worst enemy...
• Warned the world that Newt Gingrich's presidential plan to colonize the moon would lead to freaky-ass space bitches that turn into freaky-ass space monsters...
• Congratulated the Republicans for re-electing President Obama by nominating Mitt Romney as their candidate...
FEBRUARY
• Live-Tweeted the first time I cut my own hair...
• Explained how politics in Washington State work...
• Tried to understand how YouTube comments work...
• Celebrated Valentine's Day by myself...
• Accidentally had an amazing day exploring Kansas City...
MARCH
• Took a cruise that went through the Panama Canal...
• Got to visit adorable baby sloths in Costa Rica...
• Went to Hell... with chickens.
• Returned to Key West, one of my favorite places...
• Worried about Rick Santorum having a massive repressed gay breakdown over giant pink balls...
APRIL
• Visited the DutchBitch, where she took me on a wonderful tour of bulb fields in the Netherlands...
• Finally had the DutchBitch take me to the glorious Keukenhof Gardens...
• Attended Bitchsterdam 3 with some really great people...
• PATATJES MET!!!...
• Flew to Hamburg so I could see the sights... including MINIATUR WUNDERLAND!...
MAY
• Have a child that's acting a little light in the loafers? You can fix that right up... just beat the gay out of 'em!...
• Said goodbye to Mr. Maurice Sendak and Where the Wild Things Are...
“Oh, please don't go—we'll eat you up—we love you so!”
JUNE
• Finally decided to get the tattoo I've been wanting for 26 years, thanks to Mikey at Black & Blue Tattoo...
• Explained what I do to be able to afford to travel the world.
• Became really poor when I bought the single most amazing computer I have ever owned.
JULY
• Decided to take a short, relaxing vacation to the Bahamas, man...
The view from my room pretty much sucks, doesn't it?
• Spent my time in the Bahamas getting drunk, running into a tree, and ending up with a sunburn and a hole in my pants...
• Fell in love with Rafalca, Mitt Romney's dancing horse and tried to understand how one transports a horse to The Olympic Games...
AUGUST
• Exhibited THRICE Fiction at the Portland Zine Symposium...
SEPTEMBER
• Found out what happened to Raggedy Andy after all these years...
• I TOTALLY GOT TO FLY IN THE MICKEY MOUSE PLANE, Y'ALL!...
• Took a trek on the wild side at Walt Disney World's Animal Kingdom...
• Watched the wildlife outside my window while staying at Disney's amazing Animal Kingdom Lodge...
OCTOBER
• Flew to Atlanta so I could SEE MATT & KIM LIVE IN CONCERT...
• Attended Mr. Fabulous and Turnbaby's amazing Hollywood Nights party.
• Visited the steamy Creation Museum in Kentucky...
• Flew to DutchyLand for 48 hours so I could visit the new Hard Rock Cafe in Brussels...
NOVEMBER
• Totally didn't gloat over having called the election ten months ago...
• Threw caution to the wind and went ghost hunting at Old South Pittsburgh Hospital...
I took this bear away from a naughty ghost child and let him go for a tricycle ride.
• Decided to give dips a try while in rural Georgia...
DECEMBER
• Celebrated marriage equality coming to Washington State.
• Watched Bad Monkey protest anti-primate bias at IKEA...
Pretty spiffy. It never seems that I do much in a year until I take a look back at it.
Hope 2013 is a great year for you.
Since the End of The World is a religious holiday for me, I planned on fleeing work today and driving to Seattle where, as is my people's custom, I will spend the entire time drinking Jägermeister.
Unfortunately, the weather updates kept getting worse last night.
By the time I checked the forecast early this morning, I decided that driving over the mountains was not a smart thing to do. I have chains in my trunk because drivers are required to carry them on the passes, but my car manual says not to put chains on for some reason. I ended up booking a flight instead. The local weather was great, so I knew I'd get out...
It was nice knowing y'all.
I've been writing drafts of emails all night. Since I am leaving work early tomorrow, I want to make sure that I get as much done as possible this evening. It was a good plan, except I just looked over at the clock and it's 1:30am. Oops.
The mountain passes are sure to be horrible (100% chance of snow!) which means it will probably take me three or four hours to make the two hour drive. I hope I don't fall asleep on the way over.
Or get in a wreck.
But, then again, it's not like I put much faith in weather forecasts. They're mostly wrong anyways. It could very well end up being 80° and sunny on the mountain pass tomorrow. You just don't know. Seriously, you don't.
For the longest time, I always assumed that the reason weather forecasts were so inaccurate was because the meteorologists are all idiots. They must be looking at the satellite data wrong or something. So I decided I'd be all smart and look at the data myself...
And now I'm like "What in the hell is THAT supposed to mean?
No wonder meteorologists don't know what the fuck they are doing. It looks like somebody put a map of Washington in a Spin-Art machine or something.
Remember Spin-Art? Where there's a kind-of record player that you stick a sheet of paper on... then dribble paint on it while it spins so the centrifugal force splatters the paint around? The result is supposed to be "art" but always ended up looking like somebody puked on a paper or something...
REAL working motor? FUN and easy FUN? Sign me up!
But sign me up tomorrow. I really should try and get some sleep tonight.
Today I heard somebody use the phrase "je ne sais quoi" and was overwhelmed with a sudden longing to be in Paris.
This is rather odd for me. Sure I like Paris. Love Paris in the Spring. I've been there four times and have nothing but good memories. And, contrary what everybody seems to say, I find the French people to be very kind and helpful. At least they have been to me. The food there is wonderful. I love their cheese. I love their bread. And French pastry is something to be savored at least once before you die. As if that weren't all enough, Paris is just simply a lovely, magical city...
But, in the grand scheme of things, Paris is not one of those cities that I pine over. Not like, saaaayyyy... Edinburgh.
But I would love to go back. Absolutely.
Especially if the rumors of the Hard Rock Paris relocating to Avenue des Champs-Élysées are true!
Who knows when that will be though. In the meanwhile, a viewing of Amélie and A Very Long Engagement will have to suffice.
I've started saving up for my next vacation, but can't decide where I want to go.
Antarctica is always at the top of my list (I want to see it before it's gone), but I need to find two or three people who would want to share a cabin on the ship. There is no way I can afford to do it on my own. Heck, I'll barely be able to scrape together the $8,000 to $10,000 for my share of a 3 or 4 person occupancy cabin. The high price tag is because I don't just want to board a cruise ship and sail past the 7th continent... I want to take an expedition ship which will actually send landfall excursions to Antarctica and let me wander around. Take a photo of a penguin or something. Anything less is kind of pointless, I think. The problem is that people spending $10,000 for ship passage expect it to be a luxury affair. The trip I want to take most definitely is not. So even people I know who might be able to afford it might have a problem spending two weeks on a no-frills ice-breaker ship for that kind of money.
Next up is India. I've longed to visit the country, and it bothers me greatly that I haven't been there yet. Yes, it's expensive (though half the price of visiting Antarctica!)... but the bigger problem is time. I would want a minimum of 3 weeks to explore a few highlights, but there's just no way I can be gone that long. And so I'd have to either rush through a trip and not get to see much... or settle for a much smaller itinerary and not get to see much. And I just can't make up my mind which is the lesser of two evils. Perhaps I should divide the country in half and make two trips out of it like I plan on doing for Australia. I don't know. All I do know is that I really have to visit India before I die.
And speaking of Australia... as I said, I ended up splitting the country in half for two visits. Last year I took the North half (plus Fiji), but the Southern half (with New Zealand) remains...
Not that I don't want to see Perth and The West, but that's another ballgame entirely.
I loved my Australian vacation. I am dying to go back. And I have long wanted to visit New Zealand (though it could easily be a trip all its own). The problem? Money again. I blew past my budget in no time because it's massively expensive Down Under. It's also so far away that you spend a big chunk of time on an airplane. But, again, I want to visit Tasmania before all the Tasmanian Devils are gone from the wild, so I've got to set there fairly soon.
More destinations I've long wanted to visit...
And so... I have no idea.
I guess I'll see how much money I can save, find out how much time I can take off, then plan accordingly.
Boy does not having millions of dollars suck.
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