I've been to Walt Disney World many, many times because I used to have work there. Eventually I would only go into the parks to eat or get a haircut because I had rode all the attractions multiple times and don't really like standing in line. But Disney has added a bunch of stuff since I was there in September, 2019, so when I went to Orlando this time, I made a vacation out of it.

And I have some thoughts about what it takes to ride the attractions now-a-days...

Virtual Queue!
There are three rides at Walt Disney World that you can't just walk up and stand in line to ride... Tiana's Bayou Adventure, Guardians of the Galaxy: Cosmic Rewind, and TRON: Lightcycle Run. The only way to ride them is to wake up at 7am and join a "Virtual Queue" so you can earn the right to then go stand in line. Can't get a spot? Then you have to wait until 1pm to see if you can grab one then. Can't get one of those spots? Then you're out of luck. At least that's the way it is for Tiana's Bayou Adventure. For the other two rides, there's another way which I'll get to below... all it takes is money, of course. On one level, I get it. Disney really doesn't want lines so long that they don't have space to fit them. But what a bummer to go all the way to Disney World and not be able to ride something you had your heart set on. That's a huge problem, but as long as Disney continues over-sells tickets, it's an unavoidable one.

A NECESSARY ASIDE: Remember FastPass?
Back in 1999, Disney introduced the FastPass. The goal was to reduce the time you spend in line waiting to ride the most popular attractions... which, as you can imagine, is a common complaint of guests. It's essentially a "virtual queue" where you go to the ride, get a ticket with a time on it, then return at that time. In the meanwhile you can go do something else. It was a thoughtful addition. And it was FREE. And if you stayed at certain Disney hotels, they gave you a couple "universal" FastPasses that would allow you to go on any FastPass attraction without having to get a ticket. After that was FastPass+ which allowed advanced reservations. That was eventually replaced with Genie+, where you could PAY to skip the lines. Needless to say, it sucked to have to pay money to have something that used to be free.

Leeloo Dallas Lightning Lane Multi-Pass!
Fast-forward to today, and Walt Disney World has unleashed an all new version of Lightning Lane Multi-Pass, which allow you to pay in advance to reserve attractions and experiences. You pay a daily fee, then get to reserve three Lightning Lanes for attractions that have them. After you use a Lightning Lane, you then immediately get to reserve another one for later in the day. It actually works very well... assuming you're willing to pay minimum $30 a day to use the feature. Not exactly cheap, and the price can go up depending on how busy the resort is and which park you visit. Alas, this means you really have to plan out your vacation in advance, because you want to reserve those Lightning Lanes as soon as you can because popular rides will lose all available windows quickly. You can reserve seven days in advance if you're staying at a Disney resort... three days in advance if you're not. Just another way that Disney can squeeze money out of you and make their parks a perk only rich people can enjoy to the fullest.

Individual Lightning Lane!
The most popular rides in all of Walt Disney World... Seven Dwarf's Mine Train, TRON Lightcycle Run, Avatar Flight of Passage, Star Wars: Rise of the Resistance, and Guardians of the Galaxy: Cosmic Rewind do not qualify for regular Multi-Pass Lightning Lanes. Oh no. You have to pay per ride to jump those lines. And it's ridiculously expensive... currently $12 to $25 per person, per ride. Don't want to spend 90 minutes waiting to ride Star Wars: Rise of the Resistance? Pay to skip the line. All the Virtual Queue slots taken for the day but you want to ride Guardians of the Galaxy: Cosmic Rewind? Pay to ride it. This is abhorrent. Disney is happy to take money from people who might have been saving their pennies for years in order to be able to afford to go... but if they can't chip in even more money to have access to certain rides, then it's entirely possible they are beyond their reach. Given the way this works, why the fuck doesn't Disney just go back to pay-per-ride with A-to-E tickets instead of promoting the pretense that you can pay one price and ride everything? Or, ha ha ha, start capping the number of tickets they sell so their parks aren't overflowing with so many people that you don't have a hope to ride stuff unless you've got additional money to do so.

And so...

I think the way that Disney pretends to be a vacation destination for families everywhere, but is actually a vacation destination that only the wealthy can truly enjoy to the fullest, is incredibly dishonest. Instead of thinking that you can buy a ticket, take your own food, stay at a cheap resort outside of the park, avoid souvenirs, and somehow afford to "do Disney World"... Disney should just be honest and charge higher prices up-front that allow people to realistically budget how much their trip will cost.

Because the nickel-and-diming... excuse me... the hundreds-and-hundreds-of-dollaring... Disney is doing right now is absolutely awful. Rich people will always have a better experience because money doesn't matter to them. I accept that. But people who are not rich shouldn't be made poorer because Disney is misrepresenting how much it costs to have the vacation they sell you in their brochures and ads.

That's anything but magical for the "most magical place on earth."

Since I've just returned from Walt Disney World, I think I'll come up with some Disney-related posts for a while.

And I'm going to start with my favorite Disney characters.

Favorite Disney Original Characters

1. Oswald the Lucky Rabbit
   
2. Orange Bird
   
3. Mickey Mouse
   
4. Donald Duck
   
5. Pluto
   

Best Disney Modern Characters

1. Stitch from Lilo and Stitch
   I have never been so immediately captivated by a character as I was with Stitch. The minute he appeared on screen, I knew that I would be obsessed with him. And I have been ever since.
2. Sulley from Monsters, Inc.
   Not only did John Goodman bring him to life with a beautiful subtlety that somehow topped his great performance just two years earlier in The Emperor's New Groove, the character is one of the best-animated CGI characters ever made.
3. Genie from Aladdin
   Robin Williams owned the film. And that character was all him. His incredible improvisational skills and energy pushed Genie to the front of every scene he appeared in... but not to the detriment of the film.
4. Maui from Moana
   Based on the song You're Welcome! alone, you can't help but love Maui. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson threw himself 100% into the role and made Maui far more interesting than he might have been otherwise.
5. Luca from Luca
   It will forever be sad to me that Luca was kinda lost in the shuffle of the pandemic. Not only was it gorgeous in every way, it also had a compelling story that was wonderfully served by the main character.

Favorite Disney Princesses

1. Rapunzel from Tangled
   What makes Rapunzel my favorite? I don't know whether it's that her movie is one of my favorites... or whether it's Mandy Moore's ability to match the multi-dimensional aspect of her character both emotionally and lyrically... but probably both. When it comes to Disney princesses, it's tough to do much better than this.
2. Tiana from The Princess and The Frog
   That Disney made a love letter to my favorite American city, New Orleans, wouldn't have meant much if not for the fact that they crafted a terrific story to go with it. Tiana is smart, driven, capable and a huge part of what makes everything work so well. Even when she turns into a frog. Especially when she turns into a frog.
3. Moana from Moana
   I tend to like princesses that are more take-charge and proactive in the story, and that's definitely true for Moana. She had an interesting challenge, she met it head-on, and she was changed because of it.
4. Merida from Brave
   Another character that took charge and wasn't content to sit around and wait for some dippy prince to show up and fulfill her life's ambitin. Plus she was a lot of fun to watch in action.
5. Mulan from Mulan
   You probably guessed she would be here already. The ultimate kick-ass princess, Mulan also had one of my all-time favorite voice performances in Ming-Na Wen.

Favorite Disney Princes

1. Kristoff from Frozen
   It was refreshing to finally have a (future) prince who acted like a... well... actual guy. But the thing that makes Kristoff appealing is that he so effortlessly subverts toxic masculinity tropes to be a positive example of what an actual guy should be.
2. Aladdin from Aladdin. I love that Aladdin only became a prince because he married a princess. Before that he was a "street rat" who had a life that was anything but royal. That guy worked hard to woo a princess who wasn't going to put up with his crap if he wasn't the genuine article and somebody worthy of her time.
   
3. Naveen from The Princess and the Frog
   Okay, just like I preferred Beast over Prince Adam, I preferred Naveen when he was a frog... and he was such a fun character as a frog. But Naveen has some nuance to him that at least made him interesting in human form too. So much better than Prince Adam, who might as well have been a doorknob. How Belle didn't immediately lose interest when Beast went away and Adam appeared I don't know.
4. Flynn Rider from Tangled
   Though sometimes annoying, Flynn would likely be a contender for the top spot because he's just so fully-realized and funny... and is actually a huge part of the story for once. If not for the fact that he's voiced by Zachary Levi, whom just seems to be getting worse and worse, he would likely rank higher. From being anti-vax during a fucking pandemic to his stupid-ass comments about the actors strike (actors, mind you, who were fighting for him to not be exploited by AI and be paid fairly too), he kinda ruins the character. And this is despite the fact that he did an amazing job voicing Flynn. I'm just happy that I had some years with the movie before he went all problematic.
5. Eric from The Little Mermaid
   Up until Eric happened, there weren't many prince characters who had much to do in the film. They just kinda showed up to kiss the princess and wake her up (Sleeping Beauty) or kiss the princess and wake her up (Snow White) or whatever. Eric actually had stuff to do that meant something.

Best Disney Villains

1. Yzma from The Emperor's New Groove
   Eartha. Kitt. Despite being a more comedic villain than anything truly scary, she was a great villain through and through. She made that movie. The Emperor's New Groove would have still been entertaining, but not the level of greatness it reached.
2. Ursula from The Little Mermaid
   Pat. Carroll. That woman was such a treasure, and the way she brought Ursula to life was no easy feat. The character was just so bad-ass and over-the top evil, you would have rooted for Ariel even if Ariel was not entirely good. That's the mark of a real Disney villain!
3. Scar from The Lion King
   Jeremy. Irons. I swear, the more times I watch The Lion King the more I'm convinced that Scar steals the entire movie. Which is a tall order given that James Earl Jones is in it!
4. Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty
   Eleanor Audley, whose voice was so wonderfully distinct that she actually voiced two Disney villains (she was also Lady Tremaine in Cinderella), brought a menace to the screen that you could actually feel.
5. Jafar from Aladdin
   The character was just so deliciously evil. So much so that Aladdin would have been a very different movie if his parrot Iago wasn't there to temper his menace with some humor.

Best Disney Sidekicks

1. Hei Hei from Moana
   The only thing more hilarious than the hapless, disturbed chicken himself is the fact that they got Alan Tudyk to voice his clucking. There's no scene he appears in that Hei Hei isn't stealing the show.
2. Dug from Up
   Dug was hilarious when he appeared in Up, but where he really shines is his spin-off cartoons that appeared on Disney+. Talking animals in Disney features are normalized, but here they actually gave him a reason to be talking (science!) which was a nice change of pace.
3. Sven from Frozen
   It's entirely possible that I'm projecting my love for Kristoff onto his faithful reindeer, but I honestly don't think that Kristoff's appeal would have been as great if not for what the other half of this comedy duo brought to the team.
4. Ray from The Princess and the Frog
   Jim Cummings, who has voiced such iconic characters as Winnie the Pooh and Tigger, Monterey Jack, Darkwing Duck, and the singing voice of Scar(!), plus the Tasmanian Devil(!!) took a huge left turn to voice a Cajun accent for Ray. And though the character has been criticized as being a negative Cajun stereotype, I'd argue that he's one of the wisest, bravest Disney characters yet created. And if you've seen the film, then you'd know that his loyalty is second to none. Easily one of the most positive sidekicks we've seen.
5. Pascal from Tangled
   Had I the room, I would have added both Maximus and Pascal to the list, but if forced to choose I'd give the edge to Pascal just because I love how he was animated. His range of emotions was surprisingly deep for such a little guy, and he added to the story in meaningful ways rather than being a distraction from it. But the real kicker? He is responsible for killing the villain at the end! Crazy! But so very un-Disney and cool. I just wish they had given him more to do.
6. Dory from Finding Nemo
   What's odd is that I preferred Dory to Marlin or Nemo. Ellen gave her a personality that made her more interesting, and her faulty memory made her far more interesting.
7. Iago from Aladdin
   They wanted a grating, annoying sidekick for Jafar, and it's impossible to get more annoying and grating than Gilbert Gottfried. As I mentioned above, Iago taking the edge off of Jafar made Jafar be able to be much more evil.
8. Mushu from Mulan
   Oh come on. It's Eddie Murphy. He was perfectly cast for the part and made it fairly easy to ignore that the character was woefully out of place in the actual story. Plus he miraculously managed to not let Cri-Kee (the cricket) upstage him.
9. Abu from Aladdin
   Who doesn't love a monkey? But better than that, he wasn't just a sidekick, he was an important part of the story, and his moments with Magic Carpet are some of my favorite in the film.
10. Dante from Coco
    The derpy puppy from Coco was loyal to an extreme degree and played so well against the main character with his flappy tongue and mindlessly happy attitude. There was a Dante plastic statue I saw that I would have bought if I could have found one. That's not something I say about a lot of Disney characters!

Whoa! Better put those Mouseketeer ears back on! Turns out there's a surprise PART THREE of a very special, all new D23 Edition of Bullet Sunday on Tuesday focusing on the TV and movies stuff starts... now...

Yesterday afternoon when I took a minute for lunch I saw that Disney is confirming that in order to make room for Cars Frontierland, they're plowing over Rivers of America and Tom Sawyer Island!

I admit to being more than a little shocked. Those are staples of the "Disney park experience" in America, and I really thought that both Cars Frontierland and Villains Land would be dropped in behind Frontierland like this...

But nope! We don't know exactly how the configuation will be, but it's probably something more like this maybe...

Now, when it comes to Magic Kingdom in Walt Disney World, you can kinda get away with paving under Rivers of America and Tom Sawyer Island. It's just an abstract of the West Coast original. But if Disney announced that they were paving over Rivers of America and Tom Sawyer Island AT DISNEYLAND?!? Disney fans would probably burn the place to the ground. That was dug out by Walt Disney Himself, by God, and nobody better touch it!

   
In Disney other news...

I skipped over some important news concerning Disney Cruise Lines. They announced four additional new ships ON TOP OF the four they have being built and the five that are in operation. That's a total of thirteen ships. That's a lot of ships. But DCL is a very popular way to cruise, so I guess we shouldn't be surprised...

My mom loved cruises, and we actually cruised with Disney once. It was a fantastic cruise... and I'm saying that as somebody who is not a big fan of them. There's many, many things that Disney does right which made the experience great by comparison.

My favorite is that even though you shift to different themed dining rooms from night to night (which is so cool), your wait staff stays the same. And it made a huge difference. I loved the pizza on the ship. One night while mom and I were at dinner, I mentioned that I wish pizza was on the menu. Not only did the wait staff say "We can do that!"... they asked me every other night if I wanted to have some pizza again. Most of the times, I took them up on it, because I'd rather have pizza than bread. By the end of the cruise, I was so spoiled by my service team that I was more than a little depressed at our last dinner together. On other ships, the servers were just there and not much else. Even if their service was fantastic, you were on to other servers next time and it was forgotten.

My second favorite thing about DCL is that they have character meet-and-greets. As a massive Mickey Mouse fan, I absolutely took advantage of the opportunity to have my photo taken with him. One night at dinner I wore my Mickey sweatshirt and Mickey went ape-shit pointing and laughing at it... pantomiming "THAT'S MEEEEE!" and then he wanted a guy at our table to take a photo of us (pay no attention to how drunk I am in this photo)...

Mom made friends with Mickey, Minnie, Chip and Dale, Goofy, and... PLUTO!

Yeah. It was pretty great. Like when I met him the following day and he once again freaked out that I had him on my shirt...

My mom, on the other hand, loved Donald Duck (because he was also in the Navy) and after she explained that to Donald, he ran and got her when the YMCA started playing so they could do the YMCA dance together...

Now, I'm not saying that mom didn't have fun on the other cruises we took together. She always had fun. It's what made it so fun to take trips with her. But when I say that dancing with Donald Duck was a high that lasted the entire trip... well... it did. She talked about it for years after. It didn't make the entire cruise for her. But it came close.

There are many, many other great things about cruising with Disney. The most surprising being... sure there's kids onboard, but Disney puts a lot of effort into keeping adult guests kinda separate so they're not bothered. Since you rotate with your same table and service staff to every restaurant, mom and I had the same all adult table every night. Which was great. There's also places that adults can escape where children aren't allowed. Which is also great. I don't recall ever being bothered by any kids the whole cruise.

And also the ships are beautifully appointed and unique...

And, yes, that actually is a Dale Chihuly chandelier hanging in the atrium there.

But anyway... my days of cruising are likely over. I only ever did it because mom liked it. But if I ever were to cruise again, it would probably be with Disney.

But anyway... this should be the final part to my D23 commentary. But you never know. Tomorrow Disney could announce that they are blowing up the Matterhorn and you'll have to go find those Mouseketeer ears once again.

Did you take your Mouseketeer ears off? Well put them back on, because PART TWO of a very special, all new D23 Edition of Bullet Sunday on Monday focusing on the TV and movies stuff starts... now...

   
• Agatha! Marvel's marketing for the new Agatha Harkness series has been genius. The kept changing the title, which was worrisome... like they didn't know what they were doing... but then they announce it was Agatha All Along and the joke was too good (IYKYK). And now we have a trailer...

Looks like it could be entertaining. A little sinister. Except it also looks like there's going to be a lot of time of her coven not having powers, which isn't great. One month and some change away, so I guess we'll see.

   
• Maui! I loved Moana. It was beautifully realized, was funny in the right places, had a good story, and featured amazing songs by Lin Manuel Miranda who, sadly, isn't returning for the sequel...

Still looks stunningly beautiful.

   
• IncrediSequel! Pixar's gorgeously stylized world of The Incredibles is a real joy in my life. I've watched, studied, and obsessed the two movies over and over. And now there's a third one coming...

Copyright ©2024 by Disney and Pixar

Cannot tell you how much I'm looking forward to this!

   
• More Video! Here's a run-down on all the stuff that was talked about. Think there was also something about Percy Jackson but I don't know what it is.

• Zootopia 2 - This was a good film with fully-realized world-building that was cool to watch. Apparently they took their time to get the sequel right, so I am anticipating good things.
• Frozen 3 - The sequel to Frozen, however, was a complete mess. Overly-complex and nonsensical, I couldn't believe the direction they took the story. While it was good to see the characters again, I really hated it. Hopefully the threequel will right the ship.
• Dream Productions - A spin-off from the wildly successful Inside Out movies, I'm not a huge fan of the material so this is kinda lost on me. Maybe the concept will make things interesting enough to watch, but it doesn't seem like something I'll want to watch.
• Win or Lose - I have heard nothing about Pixar's first TV series, but it's debuting December 6th, so I guess I'll find out what it's about soon.
• Elio - I love me the sci-fi and the teasers we've gotten for Elio are almost too good to be true. Except... we're not getting anything significant about the movie. At D23 we learned that Zoey Saldaña is joining the cast and a new trailer which looks phenomenal (it's been leaked though not officially released yet). This is near the top of my list of films I'm looking forward to.
• Hoppers - A young girl who can transfer her mind into a beaver? Alan Tudyk? TAKE MY MONEY!
• Toy Story 5 - I honestly thought that the franchise should have ended with Toy Story 3 because it was such a perfect end to the story. But then we got Toy Story 4 and it was fantastic, so now I'm optimistic that Pixar can pull another miracle out of their battered old hat.
• Skeleton Crew - As much as I'm mortified at the thought of a Star Wars series featuring kids... the fact that Jude law is in this kinda has me intrigued to see how it's going to go. The trailer certainly looks interesting.
• Andor: Season 2 - One of the absolute best shows to ever come out of Star Wars (heck it's better than most of the movies too), Andor was shockingly good. And we're promised that the second and final season leading right into Rogue One is even better? Sign me up.
• The Mandalorian & Grogu - I don't like the idea that Disney is milking the franchise by cutting a movie out of it (this should have been the next season of the series) but I am excited to see it. Sure, The Mandalorian has stumbled a bit, but it's still a show I love and look forward to.
• Marvel Studios - I talked about their announcements from Comic Con here.
• Ironheart - A huge part of me wonders why this series seems to keep getting buried. Now it's not debuting until frickin' September 2025?!? At least they brought Ryan Coogler out to assure everybody it's not dead (like I'm assuming Armor Wars is). But where's info about his animated Eyes of Wakanda series? When does that come out? Is it still 2024? It had to be mentioned, but I'm not seeing it talked about?
• Daredevil: Born Again When it comes to television adaptations, the Netflix Daredevil series is top-tier. Marvel Studios knew not to mess with perfection, so they are integrating the show into the MCU. And there are few things in television land that I'm looking forward to more. Especially after watching the leaked trailer, which looks like everything we could want. When the trailer is officially released I'll definitely be breaing that down.
• Avatar: Fire and Ash - =sigh= we keep being told that the third Avatar flick will be a complete departure from what's come before. And Lord, I hope so. Because right now I can appreciate the movies from a technical standpoint because the visuals are mind-blowing, but they are only mildly entertaining from a story viewpoint. The sequel was more of the same, trying to get you to care about giant blue people by injecting tragedy into their story. I'm betting Fire and Ash will be more more of the same. How many blue kids do they have left to kill off? One for each of the planned sequels, I guess.
• Freakier Friday - This was created because of "demand" from fans, but that seems a suspect claim to be making. At least they aged up the characters so they're not pretending the sequel takes place a week after the first film.
• Lilo & Stitch (Live-Action Remake) - Oh gag. The original movie is one of my favorite films of all time. The direct-to-video sequels and television show are something I've watched many times. And what makes it perfect is that the animation was this gorgeous 2D throwback that's incredible to watch. So why make a 3D live-action remake to trash it? I will talk more about this travesty as more info is released, but right now the CGI Stitch character is abhorrent, and they really need to take another pass at it or face a "Sonic the Hedgehog" situation.
• Snow White - And speaking of shitty, unnecessary remakes... this one is highly problematic, even for Disney. Because when you've got people like Peter Dinklage outright trashing the idea, shouldn't you reconsider going there? I couldn't be less interested.
• Tron: Ares - The leaked trailer throws the series into a direction which should have been obvious after the ending of Tron: Legacy, but seemed too wild to entertain. Not too sure how I feel about Jared Leto being in this... or Jeff Bridges, which should be impossible... and it's weird that Sam and Quorra are nowhere to be found given the story, so has Tron: Legacy been removed from continuity? Is this a full-on reboot of the franchise? Very confusing.
• Mufasa: The Lion King - I'm so meh on all these live-action movies of beloved animated films. There's been so few that have been worth my valuable time (I liked The Jungle Book, but that's it) so I honestly don't care about yet another one strip-mining Disney's treasures for cash.

   
And that's a wrap on D23 because I refuse to talk about Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's Monster Truck movie... because didn't somebody already make a monster truck movie that failed miserably?

Put your Mouseketeer ears on... because a very special, all new D23 Edition of Bullet Sunday starts... now...

   
• D23! I've been fixated on all things Disney since I was a kid, and it's not something that's faded away. As I've gotten older I've just shifted my focus to the work that goes into making Disney happen. The animation that goes into the films and shows. The imagineering that goes into the parks and properties. The drive. The creativity. The planning. It's all so fascinating to me. Which means the D23 Expo which Disney puts on to announce the stuff that's going on is something I look forward to each year. So let's take a look at some of my favorite things that happened, shall we?

   
• Villains Land! While Disney has been teasing this for decades, Universal Studio's Universal Monsters Land at their upcoming Epic Universe park finally made them get off their stupid asses and actually make it happen. For the love of God I don't understand why Disney has been so regressive in their parks given how profitable they are. They limp along, giving us remakes of old rides by slapping new window dressing on them like Tiana's Bayou Adventure... drop new attractions after frustratingly long intervals like Guardians of the Galaxy: Cosmic Rewind, Mickey's Runaway Railway, and TRON: Lightcycle Run... but the only thing that's really been new-new at the American parks has been Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge Land from five years ago. Meanwhile Universal Studios has been eating their lunch by dropping tons of cool stuff at their parks on a regular basis and building an entirely new park. So thank you, Universal, for being the reason that Villains Land is finally happening...

Copyright ©2024 by Disney

Getting new attractions beats having Disney whining about stagnating attendance. BUT WHEN YOU KEEP RAISING PRICES IN A POOR ECONOMY WHILE NOT DOING SOMETHING EPIC TO DRAW IN NEW VISITORS, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU EXPECT?!? It's like Disney management is brain dead. They just want to keep the status quo, not spend any money to do great things people want to see, then expect people will continue to pay for that just because their Disney. It's just so bizarre.

   
• Monsters, Inc. Land! Wow. It's like Disney has been reading my blog or something. I have long said that Disney Parks is missing a massive opportunity by saddling Monsters, Inc. with lackluster attractions. Laugh Floor is boring. And the videos of Mike & Sulley to the Rescue! doesn't look much better with its lackluster animatronic retreads from the disastrous Superstar Limo ride that was a total bomb. But creating Monstropolis at Disney Studios and coming up with an actual attraction that's worthy of the movies? I'm all in...

Copyright ©2024 by Disney and Pixar

Copyright ©2024 by Disney and Pixar

Copyright ©2024 by Disney and Pixar

Interesting that Disney doesn't have a suspended coaster attraction and this will be the first one. Looks darn good, if the implementation is anything like the concept art. Reeeeeally going to need to convey massive depth for that to work. Looks like it's not, so I hope that there's an illusion or screen extension or something...

I'm hopeful that Disney doesn't cheap out on this, because it could be such a cool attraction if they put the money into it.

   
• Cars Land... East! California Adventure has had a Cars Land for a while. It features the excellent Radiator Springs Racers attraction, a version of which is coming to... Frontierland in Magic Kingdom? FRONTIERLAND?!? Bonkers. Apparently this will be themed to the American West to "fit in"... albeit in an animated contemporary setting (seriously... this is bonkers). Which is essentially a mountain version of Radiator Springs Racers...

Copyright ©2024 by Disney and Pixar

Copyright ©2024 by Disney and Pixar

There's also a kid-friendly ride coming, which looks like a retread of Autopia. Something I thought would happen to the literal Autopia in Disneyland and Tomorrowland Speedway in Magic Kingdom...

Copyright ©2024 by Disney and Pixar

Don't know if this means that Tomorrowland Speedway will be paved over for something new, exciting, and completely inappropriate for the space... but we can hope!

   
• Talk About Bruno! It would appear that Walt Disney World is paving over Dinoland U.S.A. in Animal Kingdom to create a Tropical Americas Land. This will involve a new Encanto attraction that's a ride through Casa Madrigal...

Copyright ©2024 by Disney and Pixar

Copyright ©2024 by Disney and Pixar

And they'll also be tearing out the theming in DINOSAUR to make it become a new Indiana Jones attraction. Which is ironic given that DINOSOAUR is a retread of the much, much better Countdown to Extincion attraction that used to be there. The Indy ride will have a bit of a head start because DINOSAUR uses the same vehicles that are used in the Indiana Jones Adventure ride in Disneyland...

Copyright ©2024 by Disney and Lucasfilm

Copyright ©2024 by Disney and Lucasfilm

No idea what in the heck these attractions have to do with animals to belong in Animal Kingdom, but here we are. Remember when Disney was focused on building immersive experiences that created entire worlds? Well that's out the window now, apparently (see: Cars Land above). At least Pandora tried to build attractions that have alien animals in it.

   
• Avengers... Assemble? I haven't been to Disneyland's Avengers Campus because the scathing reviews make it sound like there's just no reason to go. They slapped Guardians of the Galaxy all over Tower of Terror then surrounded it with crap which has impressed nobody. Apparently Disney is finally going to address that by tossing in two new "E-Ticket" attractions. The fist being Stark Flight Lab (featuring Robert Downey Jr.)...

Copyright ©2024 by Disney and Marvel Studios

The second ride is Infinity Defense which will have you helping the Avengers battle Thanos in New York...

Copyright ©2024 by Disney and Marvel Studios

The ride vehicles makes it look like this is a rehash of what Universal Studios did for their Spider-Man ride. Regardless, it also looks I finally may have a reason to give a shit about California Adventure again. That's nice.

   
• Coco! And speaking of California Adventure, it's also getting a new boat ride based on Coco, which will hopefully be a wash of color with fantastic animatronics and a good story as promised in the concept art...

Copyright ©2024 by Disney and Pixar

Anything less would be a complete waste of everybody's time.

   
• Avatar! And yet another new attraction announced for California Adventure is something based on Avatar: Way of Water that's, surprise, another boat ride...

Copyright ©2024 by Disney and Lightstorm

Copyright ©2024 by Disney and Lightstorm

Copyright ©2024 by Disney

I don't know if this will be in California Adventure proper (which seems to be rapidly running out of room) or if it's part of the Disneyland Forward expansion. Either way, it will be nice to get some fresh IP in the park.

   
• Walt Disney: A Magical Life! The idea of having an animatronic Walt Disney talk to people ala the Abraham Lincoln attraction seems like a no-brainer. Apparently the issue was waiting for technology to catch up to the point where Disney was satisfied that Walt could be brought to life, and now we're here...

Copyright ©2024 by Disney

So as not to enrage fans of Great Moments with Mr. Lincoln, Walt Disney: A Magical Life will somehow rotate with the existing Disneyland show. I would be very interested in seeing how that's going to work. Are the show stages on motorized engines which slide them into place? Hoping that they release a behind-the-scenes documentary on Disney+ for that.

   
• Lion King Paris! Apparently Disneyland Paris is bypassing Tiana's Bayou Adventure and getting a Lion King flume ride instead...

Copyright ©2024 by Disney

Remains to be seen if they do something stupid like making the ride be some kind of unwanted sequel to the film like Tiana's Bayou Adventure or actually try to tell the story of the movie which is what everybody wants to see.

   
• Spider-Coaster Shanghai! And Shanghai Disneyland is getting a roller coaster based on Spider-Man...

Copyright ©2024 by Disney and Marvel Studios

I hope they make it more exciting than the crappy Incredicoaster that they made for California Adventure. Slapping static statues on sticks around the track is just sad.

   
• Spider-Man Hong Kong! Also in Asia? What looks like a Spider-Man drop-tower ride looks like it's coming to Hong Kong Disneyland...

Copyright ©2024 by Disney and Marvel Studios

I can't think of drop rides in Disney Parks with the exception of Twilight Zone: Tower of Terror in Magic Kingdom, the former inferior duplicate in California Adventure (which now has a Guardians of the Galaxy makeover, and another copy in Disneyland Paris. It will be nice to see a fresh take on the concept.

Sorry Tokyo Disneyland and Tokyo DisneySea, nothing new for you!

   
And that's a wrap on D23 PART ONE. See you next entry!

Back in 2001, Disneyland finally got a second park. Walt Disney World had gotten a second park in 1982 (Epcot), a third in 1989 (Hollywood Studios), and a fourth in 1998 (Animal Kingdom)... so it was a long time coming. The difference being that Walt Disney World has vast amounts of land to expand, whereas Disneyland doesn't. Sure, there's going to be a planned expansion to the Disneyland Hotel side of the street, but it's just not a lot of land because there's hotels there. Nope... whatever was going to end up across from Disneyland was the only shot they had at doing something truly spectacular.

But instead we got California Adventure...

Filled with a bunch of cheap, boring, off-the-rack rides that were themed to the idea of "California," the park was hardly worth waiting for. It was shit. I mean, seriously, Superstar Limo?!? My God. Disney had so badly lost its way that one can't help but think that Walt Disney himself would be disgusted in what's been attached to his name.

The exception being the fantastic attractions Soarin' Over California and the California Screamin' coaster, which were the only reason to waste your time walking over from Disneyland. An argument could be made that Twilight Zone Tower of Terror was also an exception, but it was a seriously dumbed-down version of the spectacular original from Walt Disney World, so I disagree.

But anyway...

Disney found out immediately by the overwhelmingly negative response to their cheap-ass abomination that they done fucked up (I made a special trip to see it and was livid that it was such a waste of time and money). You can't make a theme park on the cheap and expect people will embrace it just because you slapped the Disney name on it. They were forced to start revising things almost immediately, then announced a major renovation in 2007, just six years after it opened.

Eventually we got "Cars Land" which had the excellent Radiator Springs Racers, and "Pixar Pier" which had the fun Toy Story Midway Mania but that was it. Everything else that they've slapped on this massive failure has been mediocre to awful.

The nerfed Twilight Zone Tower of Terror became Guardians of the Galaxy Mission Breakout, which was okay, I guess. But they slapped it in the middle of "Avengers Campus" which is horrifically bad. This new "land" was ill-conceived and, shocker, cheap.

California Screamin' got re-themed to The Incredibles' Incredicoaster which is so cheap as to be embarrassing. They just plopped a bunch of static characters around the coaster, including the infamous Jack-Jack "babies on sticks" and Violet's disembodied head, and took away many of the things that made California Screamin' such a fun coaster. Which is to say that it was a massive downgrade.

Despite being a cheap-ass park, California Adventure was at least thematically cohesive. They did their best to actually adhere to the concept of "California" and make sure that everything was beautifully-appointed and had good flow. But now? It's a disjointed, incohesive mess that keeps having less and less to do with California. An obvious re-skin done on the cheap with precious few good attractions (and that beautiful World of Color show) to make it worth visiting.

So what to do?

The Pixar Pier section of California Adventure is the place for all things Pixar... but not including the Cars movies or the Monsters, Inc. movies, which both have rides in other sections of the park. Which begs the question... why not just convert the entire park to become Pixarland... the perfect compliment to Disneyland. But stop being so fucking cheap about it.

Build out a cohesive game plan for how the park "lands" should be defined and how they flow into each other [Cars Land, Toy Story Pier, Monsterstropolis (the Monster's, Inc. city), Metroville (the Incredibles city) etc., this is not rocket science]. Then go attraction by attraction to revise or replace the cheap crap and turn it into something Disney-worthy. Start with Incredicoaster... re-track it to not be so rough, then make it worth being associate with Disney by adding animatronics and decent effects instead of babies on sticks and other stupid crap. Then move on to the next. Then the next.

No idea how to integrate Soarin' (which was ruined when they turned it to "Around the World" instead of "California") but Imagineers are clever. Maybe it could be a ride where you're soarin' like the house in Up or something. Avengers Campus can just be scrapped entirely. And if you can slap a Guardians of the Galaxy Band-Aid on Tower of Terror, then how hard is it to do it again with a Pixar property? Doing a Coco-themed drop-ride that takes you through a colorful adventure through the Land of the Dead could be so cool. And can you imagine if the rest of Avengers Campus was turned into the city of Santa Cecilia that's celebrating Día de Muertos (Day of the Dead) 365 days a year? Make it colorful and fun... so cool...

I dunno. Maybe Pixarland isn't the answer... but there's gotta be an answer somewhere. Because right now California Adventure has very little to do with California and is a cheap, shitty park that nobody want's to bother with because there's limited E-Ticket experiences and precious little Disney magic to be had.

Disneyland deserves better.

As do Disney parks fans.

I've mentioned more than a few times here, I try really hard to not have regrets in life (okay, I've probably mentioned it several times... give me a break, I've been blogging for over 20 years!). It's just not worth it to pine away over something you did or didn't do, something you said or didn't say, or somewhere you went or didn't go. Just be happy with what you got out of this life and not worry about the rest. It happened. Or didn't. What more can you do without the ability to travel in time?

That being said...

This is not to say that there aren't things I wish could have happened or not happen for one reason or another. Missed opportunities, if you will.

As an example... I really wish I had visited the Aspen Hard Rock Cafe when it was open. It would have been so easy to do. So easy that I kept putting it off so I could hit the more difficult ones in foreign countries. But then the cafe closed with little warning and my plan to visit every US cafe evaporated. That really sucked. It haunted me for years. Now-a-days, when I've pretty much given up on visiting Hard Rock properties, it's like... meh.

As another example... I really wish that I had visited the infamous "Star Wars Hotel" (AKA Star Wars: Galactic Starcruiser) at Walt Disney World in Florida. I'm a huge Star Wars nerd, and the immersive properties of the hotel seemed like something I would have enjoyed. But it was ungodly expensive, and I just couldn't afford it. My plan was to wait until the newness wore off and the price would (hopefully) drop a bit when Disney needed to draw in more visitors.

Except rather than lower the price when they weren't getting enough visitors, Disney CLOSED THE HOTEL! I was bummed. Just like the Aspen Hard Rock, I had missed my opportunity forever.

And then I saw this video by one of my favorite YouTubers, Jenny Nicholson, detailing her totally fucked and busted experience at the doomed attraction. It's four hours, but time well-spent...

Holy shit!

Thank God I didn't have thousands of dollars to throw away on this awful experience. Knowing my luck, I'd end up with a worse stay than Jenny, and it's not like Disney is going to give you your money back if they failed to accomplish what they promise. At least I assume that's the case. If you go to one of their theme parks and an attraction you were dying to ride is broken down, you don't get part of your ticket price back. Unless you're an influencer with huge social media reach, apparently.

So, yeah, absolutely no regrets when it comes to Star Wars: Galactic Starcruiser.

As it should be.

Wah! My weekend is already half over and I'm not ready for it to be Sunday! But Sunday it must be... because an all new Bullet Sunday starts... now...

   
• Goonies Never Die! I watched this video reflecting on the career of Josh Brolin solely in the hopes that he would talk about Men In Black 3. That movie is so incredibly underrated. It's an amazing film. And a large part of that is Josh Brolin doing a Tommy Lee Jones impression... perfectly... for most of the runtime. And obviously GQ knew that's the thing everybody wanted to hear, so they saved it for last...

I sure wish that we could have heard more about his experience working on that movie.

   
• Otin! Oh man. The new Disney+ series, Iwájú, is Afrofuturism done very well... but it's so much more than that because there's like a lot going on. And it's very much steeped in Nigerian culture, which is to say that it's something wonderfully different than the same old shit we usually get. Bravo to Disney for giving us something fresh and new for a change. And for using amazing voice actors who breath life into these characters...

The frickin' FOOD in this show is unreal. They put a lot of focus on it as a part of entrenching you into Nigerian culture. And, I tell you what, the emotion they pack into these 20 minute episodes is substantial. Tola is the main character of the show... but it's her best friend Kole who will break your heart. Dang they put a lot of hardship on this poor kid. The villain in this series is a very, very bad man! AND GOOD LORD THIS SHOW IS BEAUTIFUL. They use color to illustrate the class divide in this future Nigeria, and it's very, very hard not to see it because it's the visual language they paint with. And, as if all that wasn't enough, the sound design is equally wonderful. Great surround effects to envelope you in the environment. If you have Disney+, it's very much worth checking out. The episodes are short, so it's a quick watch.

   
• Ramona! Ramona Fradon is a legendary artist whose gorgeous illustration style has been seen on a vast number of comic book characters. I think I first saw her work on Aquaman reprints or the Super Friends comic. But over the years the thing I most remember her for is the "special event" Wonder Woman stories they'd get her to draw. She had a more "cartoony old-style" that wasn't my favorite for the comics I was into, but that didn't mean I couldn't appreciate it from an artistic standpoint. Far from it, her minimalist style is beautiful because she could get some very expressive line-work that stood very well on its own. I remember reading about her retirement (which was January 5th) and she passed four weeks later on February 24th at the age of 97. Her final work was a trio of covers for Women's History Month...

Though one of her more brilliant works was a private commission piece that she did a few years ago...

Rest In Peace. You were a trailblazer and true artist from the start.

   
• Help Me, Todd! Okay... let's do the math. Paramount+ wants $60 a year to subscribe with ads. Without ads is $120 a year. BECAUSE IT COMES WITH SHOWTIME, WHICH I DO NOT WANT! No option to get CBS shows without ads and without Showtime. I would pay $90 to get a year of ad-free, but Paramount is a joke of a company who wants me to subsidize their Showtime programs which I have no interest in watching. And so... do I pay $60 so I can watch So Help Me Todd with ads... or do I just subscribe to the show on iTunes for $30 without ads and I can watch it as much as I want? Well, because I don't believe in paying for stuff I don't want AND I detest ads, I'll just buy the show on iTunes. It is, after all, my favorite network show on television...

It's not like CBS has any other shows I can't live without. I'll just watch episodes of NCIS Hawaii once Paramount runs out of money from trying to force crap on people they don't want and they're forced to sell episodes of the show to Netflix because the person in charge of the company is a fucking moron. Can't wait for the spin from the Paramount PR office when profits drop to record lows and they have to convince shareholders that the people running the company aren't fucking idiots who just lost $60 from me. Of course, this is the network who canceled Magnum P.I., so it's not like I expect rational thought to come out of their leadership. But hey, maybe they'll renew So Help Me Todd and get another $30 out of me next year? Stranger things have happened!

   
• Keep Your Fucking Bullshit Politics Out of People's Lives! The insane... FUCKING INSANE... crusade against IVF is usually seen as something that affects only women. That's not true. It affects women, men, and those identifying as neither... it affects families. And I am disgusted to my core that dumbfuck politicians who don't give a shit about facts... or ANYTHING or ANYONE except MONEY and POWER... put these dipshit laws on the books. Fuck them and all the people who vote them into office. A man wrote an article for GQ Magazine talking about what he and his family went through, and it's worth a read.

   
• NEWSFLASH: Republican senator blocks bill to protect IVF. Cindy Hyde-Smith is a literal ghoul. She's a shell of a woman who has been filled with a hatred for other women that's shockingly brutal and cruel. Nothing quite like watching a woman embrace the patriarchy to dismantle an option for women who want to be mothers. I get why regressive men vote for toxic, misogynistic pieces of shit to represent them in government. But I will never in a million years understand how women vote for... whatever the fuck this horrific excuse of a human being is... who works overtime to endanger their lives and strip away their rights...

If your God didn't want IVF for us, HE WOULD HAVE DESIGNED HUMAN EMBRYOS TO BE DESTROYED WHEN FROZEN! But of course their belief in an all-powerful deity doesn't allow logic to be applied to anything, so here we are. Fucking anti-science dumbshits making a decision for others in the "Land of the Free" over an issue they probably don't even fucking understand. Sadistic fucks.

   
• Spam! Just when I think I've hit all the keywords to stop spam texts from politicians reaching me, along comes one more to add. Eventually I'll get there! I regret more than just about anything I've ever done sending money to one candidate... ONE... via "ActBlue." And the spam texts and emails have never, ever stopped ever since. No matter how many emails or phone numbers I block. The fuckers just keep making up new ones...

I love how ActBlue, which is about as skeezy an operation as you'll find just says "It's not our fault you keep getting donation requests from us... we just just provide tools for candidates to fundraise! You can't blame us!" And yet... all the people "using their services" are constantly saying "It's not the criminals! It's the guns that are the problem!" So... which is it? If ActBlue acted responsibly and forbade people from using their donation processing system if they send spam texts, and accepted complaints from people getting spammed with ActBlue requests who never "opted in," then there wouldn't be a problem. But ActBlue doesn't give a fuck. The more people using their service, the more money they make. And so I will never, ever donate to any candidate using ActBlue. I wish others would do the same. Then candidates would have nobody to blame but themselves for getting into bed with these fucking assholes.

   
• Fishy! The first Aquaman was dopey fun. So long as you didn't think too hard, it wasn't horrifically bad. Kind of a fantastical globe-spanning adventure. But Aquaman 2? Yeah, it's horrifically bad. And though some of the visuals are really great... most of it is so bad that it practically looked animated like a cartoon. And not in a good way. As if all that wasn't enough, the film is obsessed with Aquaman having piss be squirted in his mouth. Baby piss. Octopus piss. I spent the movie pretty sure that his wife is going to be pissing in his mouth any minute now. Or just full-on brick in his mouth. Which is the natural escalation we need. Hilariously, they ended Aquaman 2 the same way that they ended Black Panther... and THEN they ended it AGAIN the same way they ended Iron Man! They copied TWO Marvel Studios movie endings in the same film! Holy shit am I glad that the Zack Snyder reign of terror over the DCU is now officially over.

   
I guess that's enough trash for one Sunday. See you next week.

Today the copyright expires for the original Mickey Mouse and he enters the public domain.

For decades Disney has greased the political wheels to convince the government to keep extending the length of copyright (originally Mickey was supposed to expire in 1984, then again in 2003), but then they kinda just... stopped. Apparently the old-school original Mickey from Steamboat Willie just isn't worth it anymore. So welcome to the latest DaveToon here at Blogography, I guess...

But don't go crying for Disney... they still have copyright protection for a bunch of other versions that came after Steamboat Willie Mickey. PLUS, I'm pretty sure that people will still be going to Disney for all their Mickey Mouse content.

Well, except for Mickey Mouse porn of course.

My favorite Mickey is a tie between Public Domain Mickey and the white-faced, red pants, yellow shoes Mickey which followed Public Domain Mickey. Everything that came after that... Peach-Faced Mickey, Caucasian Mickey, 3-D Mickey (essentially every Mickey which has white around his pupils)... I don't like much at all. Though I do kinda like the brand new Throwback Mickey that Disney is currently using because they've gone white-faced again. Mickey belongs to everybody and shouldn't be Caucasian.

In the coming years more and more of Disney's original characters will start collapsing into the Public Domain like dominoes. Donald, Pluto, Goofy... all of them. Well, except "Hans" from Frozen. Nobody is going to want anything to do with that asshole.

UPDATE: Well send me to Disneyland and call me Minnie... apparently Red Shorts Mickey IS in the public domain. There was a poster advertising him in 1928!

I prefer him with yellow shoes and white gloves as he would later be depicted, but I still like this better than any caucasian version of Mickey, so this is great news! I wonder if it's allowable for me to change the colors and consider it "artistic license?" Maybe!

"I don't want my kid to be gay or trans!" is echoed over and over again as the underlying excuse for the renewed resurgence of LGBTQ+ hate that's infiltrating our laws and society. And I get it. I wouldn't want my kid to be "gay or trans" either. Not because I think there's anything wrong with it... you are who you are... but because this unrelenting toxic bigotry is incredibly dangerous for LGBTQ+ youth.

Except...

Seeing LGBTQ+ representation and diversity doesn't encourage kids to "become gay" or "become trans" any more than seeing somebody who's left-handed encourages them to "become left-handed."

All it does is let them know that it's okay for them to BE gay or trans, if that's who they are, and that they are not alone in the world. That they are accepted.

But entirely too many parents would rather their kids grow up to be miserable adults by denying who they are... assuming they don't unalive themselves first... than to embrace who they are and live their truth. This was made overtly clear to me when I saw the backlash after Pride-inclusive gamer icons were released for the Disney Speedstorm racing game...

The very first response I saw on social media was along the lines of "I don't have anything against the gays but I am sick and tired of Disney cramming this LGBT stuff down my kid's throat." As if seeing a rainbow Speedstorm logo is somehow an assault on kids?

And it's like... hey, if you're kid is straight and doesn't want to acknowledge Pride, then they can ignore the new icon options and pick something else. But if they are a part of the LGBTQ+ community? Then thank God for Disney and Gameloft, because your kid obviously isn't going to get any support from you. They may be too afraid of you to select a Pride icon for themselves, but at least they get to login and play the game where a bunch of other people are sporting the icons and showing their support for who they are.

It's little things that like that can be the difference between life and death for some people. Literally.

Pride is important because some kid somewhere is being raised to believe that they're better off dead than gay.

So good on you, Disney. Keep cramming that "gay agenda" down our throats.