This morning I was awakened by Jake hacking up a hairball on the bed. He's been sleeping with me most every night, usually passing out at the blanket I have folded at the foot of the bed. All I could do was say "Good bear, you're puking on the bedding on bedding wash day!"

After wiping up the hairball and stripping the bed to toss everything in the washer, feeding the cats breakfast, and heading back up to get some work done, it started pouring down rain. This caused Jenny to run into the closet to hide, and Jake to hop up on the bed to snuggle up next to me...

And, oh yeah, now that it's colder out I unpacked the warming pads...

This makes them two very happy cats, even though you can't really see it on Jenny with her adorable resting bitch face.

Jake doesn't have a resting bitch face. But he does have a snaggletooth. Some of the time. But lately I've noticed that it's out of his mouth more and more... looking longer than it has in the past...

Weirdly adorable, I think.

There have been a few heart-attack-inducing moments over the years when it comes to my cats.

The one which haunts me most is from 2017 when Jake escaped from the catio. The contractor who attached the roof used screws which were too short. It was made worse because I was flying out for work the next day. What if he had gotten out then?

So imagine my absolute terror when I looked out the window this week and saw that Jenny was looking at me from outside the catio.

Except it wasn't actually Jenny.

From the front, she (or more likely "he" since most orange cats are males) looked exactly like Jenny. It was a Jenny clone. From the side it's a little different story. Jenny has a whirl pattern and longer legs. Though the tail markings are the same...

I mean, just look at those gams...

And speaking of Jenny...

Early in the week, I decided to be a little late for work because Jenny had jumped on the bed for me to pet her, but twisted around to sit on my hand!

Apparently she was very comfortable, because she laid down and eventually fell asleep...

When I came home, Jenny didn't sleep on my hand while I was working on the couch, she instead rolled into the crack between the couch cushions and passed out...

Cats can sleep anywhere. But that doesn't mean they don't try and find the most comfortable place to sleep.

And now, this.

I saw this video of a cat bringing a mouse to get fried up, then being disappointed when it's removed...

I tried to find the original so I could use the video which originated it instead of somebody who stole it. Instead I found loads... loads... of AI slop videos which hasve been made. So now I'm questioning whether or not the one above is even real.

Jake is so not bothered by most anything. Especially when it comes to the litter box. I have one downstairs in the hall closet and another upstairs in my bathroom. I can't tell you how many times I've been in the bathroom and Jake will come in and do his business without giving it another thought.

Jenny couldn't be more different.

She is bothered by just about everything. Especially when it comes to using the litter box.

I woke up early in the morning, stumbled to the bathroom, turned on the light... and... bedlam.

Jenny was in the litter box and went tearing out of it. Since I was in the doorway, she ran to the shower. I felt bad for disturbing her and got out of the doorway so she could run out. Which she did at top speed. Fortunately, she didn't stay mad at me long. An hour later and she was waking me up to be petted and have her feet held (don't worry, I wash my hands after because I know where those feet have been). But she wouldn't look at me...

Or she was bothered by the light out the window that was keeping her awake. Maybe that.

A couple weeks ago I ran down stairs while Jake was in the Litter-Robot (which is near the bottom the the stairs). Didn't phase him a bit. But afterwards, he did climb up on the cat tree and stare at me, like he was saying "What was that about? I WAS ON THE TOILET!"...

Though he did take the time to cover his waste first. That's something.

There are many things frustrating about owning cats. But at the top of the list would be giving them a new food to try... having them absolutely love it... then, once you buy a case of it, they no longer want it. Second most frustrating is when they will eat a certain food for three years then all of a sudden decide they don't want it any more. A could go on. Most of my frustration with my cats are food-related.

Recently I ordered some of the #1 cat food as voted by veterinarians... Smalls

It arrived yesterday, so I served it for dinner.

Jake wanted absolutely nothing to do with it. I sprinkled some stinky dried fish flakes on top... he just licked it off and left the Smalls untouched.

Jenny was excited by the smell and started licking it up immediately. Except she couldn't lick it up because the strange grainy, dry texture just got flattened to the bottom of the bowl.

This morning I knew better than to force it on Jake, so I didn't even bother. I gave him something else. To help Jenny be able to get it into her mouth I mixed it with water so she could actually eat it. And eat it she did. I left them to their breakfast and went back to bed to read some emails.

After a bit I came back downstairs to the living room only to find puke all over the coffee table, the floor, on the side of the couch, and splashed on the side of the entertainment center. The color of the vomit made it very clear that Jenny was the culprit (victim?), because watered-down Smalls was everywhere.

Not that I cared about puke everywhere, that's just part of having cats. But I cared very much that poor Jenny had vomited repeatedly (or one long puke in five locations)...

And so... guess I'll be giving their Smalls to the neighbor cats and see if they handle it better.

Now that it's not so hot out, the cats are loving being out in the catio all day. At least on the days that there's not so much wildfire smoke that I close the door because I'm concerned about their little kitty lungs.

In addition to being outside where they can look at the world, the main reason the catio is so appealing is that they get to visit with the other animals of the area. Mostly cats. An occasional dog. Sometimes a deer or a raccoon.

Right now Jake's favorite visitor is Rusty.

Rusty is actually a very sweet dog from next door that plays in the field behind my home. But she does not like cats. And if my cats are out there, she's perfectly happy to bark and howl at them. Something Jenny is terrified of and will run back inside immediately.

But Jake? Despite how loud and scary Rusty might be, he somehow finds the courage to confront her (in the second half of the video, you can see Jake swiping at her through the fence as she's reflected in the door window)...

And Jenny?

During one of the times Jake was outside hissing and swiping at Rusty, she was happy to just sit next to me on the couch and watch the madness from a safe distance...

My guess is that she's just not up for the drama.

I have completely given up trying to manage my cats.

They do whatever they want and I don't even bother trying to restrict their behavior because now that they're old and cranky (like me) they just don't care. About anything. Fortunately, there are some rules that have been in place since they were small so they don't misbehave because it's engrained into them. Things like scratching furniture or jumping up on the kitchen counters. Sometimes they "forget," but it's rare because they still remember aluminum foil covering the countertops and sticky tape on the furniture legs.

But then there's the dining table.

For whatever reason, they categorically refuse to stop jumping on top of it. No matter how many times I shoo them off, they will hop back on... sometimes minutes after they've been removed. No idea why this is one of those things that they're so intent on doing, but nothing seems to work that keeps them off.

So now I just put a towel on the table and that's that...

If I ever need to actually use the table, I still scrub it down with anti-bacterial scrub... but the fact that Jake and Jenny always stay on the towel when they're on the table is enough to keep me from losing my mind.

So I'm chalking this up as a win.

Even though everybody knows I'm taking the L here.

With the catio closed all week because of my wildfire smoke allergy, the cats have been depressed. Jenny hasn't been dealing with the situation well at all. Sure she doesn't sit in front of the cat door and cry like Jake. But she checks several times whether the door is open.

Just Jenny... contemplating her life choices that lead to the catio being closed for business...

As usual, there's almost zero chance of taking her photo without her noticing...

Jake has been frustrated indeed that stuff is going on outside the window and he can't go investigate...

He's mostly been sleeping. He can sleep for hours...

Then one day when I got home the smoke wasn't terrible. So I opened the catio door. Jenny went out for five minutes and came running back in. Jake waited a few more...

Oh well. I just had to close the cat door again the next morning.

After taking yet another massive allergy pill so I could get a whole four hours sleep last night, I'm exhausted but recovering. My lungs don't feel itchy and I can eat real food.

But it's a different matter entirely for my cats. Who want to go out in the catio. Bad.

I keep showing Jake the air quality reading on my phone and telling him "It's too smokey for little kitty lungs outside!" But he sits there looking outside and crying because I've blocked the door to the catio...

It's particularly upsetting at night, because he sits there and howls because he can't get out. While I'm trying to wind down and rest. Fortunately I can call down to him and he'll come up and fall asleep next to me, because... yikes.

Jenny was upset at first, but resigned herself to the fact that she can't go out.

Which is good, because there's so much smoke out that you wouldn't know it's Summer. If not for the heat, you'd swear it was an overcast Winter day. And I really, really don't need my cats going in and out and brining smoke in with them.

In July they don't want to be outside in the heat very often any way. But September? Prime catio season...

Reeeeeeally hoping that this fire gets under control soon... but at over 9,000 acres and counting, it's not likely. Which means come Monday I'm going to have to leave my house for work and get sick, sick, sick again.

Which is nothing compared to the suffering by my cats not being able to go outside, of course (just ask them!).

Jenny, as I have undoubtedly mentioned, is a fiendishly clever and intelligent cat. She's also unbelievably manipulative. Not just towards me, but her brother as well. Once or twice a week she does something which has me wondering if she's smarter than I am.*

Except... only in specific areas.

As an example: Jenny loves running up to bed with me so she can get some pets before turning in for the night. Me, not her. Because she would gladly be petted for six hours. But the minute I turn the lights off, she runs back downstairs to sleep. But anyway... She used to head up with me when I went upstairs. But sometimes I'd forget something or was just going up to get something and wasn't actually going to bed. So then she stopped going up with me until I would turn off the television. When that wasn't guaranteed, she would wait for me to call her to say I'm going to bed. When that wasn't guaranteed (I'm forgetful), she started waiting until I'm upstairs and have Siri turn off the downstairs (I tell Siri "goodnight" once I'm in bed for real, and everything outside my bedroom turns off).

On Tuesday night I got into bed and told Siri "goodnight," then Jenny came running up as usual. But I forgot to set out something I needed to remember to take to work, so I had to get out of bed to go back downstairs. Right after Jenny had jumped up to be petted.

She was furious. Started meowing her head off upstairs, because how dare I leave her there un-petted! Then, when I was taking too long, she came downstairs to get me. Meowing the entire time.

So I don't know what happens next. I guess I have to pinky-swear that I'm really going to bed and won't be leaving until morning or something.

So, yeah, she's smart.

And then...

Jenny sometimes wants to be petted while I'm on the couch... but doesn't want to sit next to me for whatever reason. So she'll sit all the way at the other end of the couch and meow in frustration at me because I'm not petting her. I reach out my hand to show her that I can't reach. But instead of realizing it, she'll lean her little head towards me like she can somehow bridge the 4-foot gap between us.

After five minutes of this nonsense, she begrudgingly got up and moved closer because she realized I wasn't moving. But she was angry about it. Wouldn't even look at me, no matter how much I talked to her...

"Just give me my damn belly rubs and shut up about it."

Now, there are other things that I honestly don't know whether she's smart about or not.

Like when she gets a drink.

Jenny refuses to drink from the cat fountain in the dining room. Maybe the moving water bothers her or something. So I ended up buying a still water dispenser for her. No big deal, right? Well, maybe. Because she will never just walk up and get a drink. There's a process. First she sits in front of the bowl and stares at it... waiting for it to move or something. Then she will dip her paw into it... making sure it's not going to move, I guess. Then she will taste it off her paw five or six times... to make sure it's not poisonous, perhaps. Then, and only then will she take a drink.

But here's the problem... she's so skittish that if I walk into the kitchen while she's drinking (or, more likely, preparing to drink) she will run off. This is bad news, because a hydrated cat is a healthy cat. And so, any time I get up to go into the kitchen and Jenny's not around, I will stand at the cat tree and look into the kitchen to see if I can proceed. If she's waiting for the water to attack her or in process of drinking, I will wait for her to finish before heading towards the kitchen!

If she's checking for poison? Smart. If she's worried that the water might be going to attack her after drinking from the same dish hundreds of times? Wellll...

   
* Yeah, I'm sure everybody reading this is thinking "Of course Jenny is smarter than you are." But I'm all... "Well, I don't see her able to earn a living or surf the internet, so how smart could she possibly be?"**

** Oh...

=sigh=

If you want to see a photo of me losing my mind... well, what little is left of my mind... here it is...

I had to come home to pick up something for work yesterday morning.

I see Jake laying on the cat tree so I say his name and ask him how his day has been. Nothing.

I say his name and talk to him a little louder. Nothing.

I go up to touch him. Nothing.

Now I'm in a blind panic, so I start shaking him... and... he finally moves, then wakes up and looks at me like I'm the asshole for waking him up. Then squawks. Then goes back to sleep.

Now, for context, both my cats are skittish enough that ANY sound will wake them up. Jake not waking up to look at me when I am saying his name and talking to him is unprecedented. Him not reacting when I touch him? Inconceivable (yes, that word means what I think it means).

And so... that was a flash-forward that had me shaking all day long.

Maybe this is just what happens when cats get older. Maybe Jake is losing his hearing. Maybe he's just decided "fuck it" I am not going to react to meet his expectations. I don't know. But it wrecked my day. And now my anxiety is at an all-time high when I didn't think it was possible for it to get any worse.

I mean, don't get me wrong... there's absolutely no scenario where I would trade the past 9-1/2 years of my life with these cats. They have literally saved my life. But now a part of me cannot help but wonder if they will be the death of me as well.