A day in magnificent Glacier Bay.
Today was a very early day arriving in rainy Skagway.
And the reason it was an early start was because I had booked a river rafting trip through the Chilkat Eagle Preserve outside of Haines, Alaska. The rain wasn't entirely unexpected, because this area is smack in the middle of a rainforest. What was unexpected was that the rain decided to let up the entire time our group was on the river, so it actually made for a fantastic (and relatively dry) morning.
There was quite a bit of mist hanging around which looked really cool, but made spotting the eagles a more difficult...
The mist also made it quite challenging to photograph the eagles, but there were 44 of the birds spotted during the trip so I was able to get quite a few good shots. Since I was on a moving raft I forced a high shutter speed on my camera to keep things sharp. This caused the picture quality to suffer, but at least I didn't end up with a bunch of blurry eagles. Once I used Photoshop to zoom in and add some contrast, they look pretty good...
Overall I shot close to 70 pictures of these beautiful creatures, but it's just not the same as seeing them in person.
After an hour floating down the river looking at Eagles, it was time for a picnic lunch and a ferry ride back to Skagway. The scenery along the was was pretty spectacular...
The town itself seems to be one big tourist trap, and I'm told half of the businesses here belong to Princess Cruise Lines, which makes a lot of sense. Still, it's kind of a charming place that maintains ties back to its gold-rush roots with wooden sidewalks and such...
I'm not much of a shopper, so it was time to walk along the pier so I could beat the crowds and get back to the ship for and early dinner...
Tomorrow is a day at sea. Usually I don't like sea days, but I admit it will be nice to be able to sleep in and relax for a while.
After disembarking in Juneau, it was time to take a helicopter ride over the Tongass Forest up to the Mendenhall Glacier for a walkabout. Definitely one of the more amazing experiences in my life! It was not at all cold, there was no rain, and visibility was fantastic. I took a couple hundred photos, but am too knackered to go sorting through them tonight. I'll just post a few that caught my eye.
NOTE: I know it may look as though I've done some Photoshop trickery to get that brilliant deep blue color on the glacier... but I didn't. That's all real, exactly as my camera recorded it! If anything, it's less vibrant in the photos, because it's all flattened out.
Flying above the freaky ice formations of the Mendenhall Glacier...
Landing on the glacier...
Trekking around in search of glacier ice...
The helicopters return to pick us up...
Walking around the nifty State Capitol of Juneau, Alaska...
Returning to the ship at night...
All in all... a pretty darn good day!
Cruises have their pros and cons. The biggest pro is that you get to visit a lot of places without having to pack and un-pack your suitcase. Your "hotel room" travels with you, so all your stuff gets to stay where it is. The biggest con is that any time you're not visiting someplace, you're trapped on a giant boat. For some people, this is paradise... but for somebody like me, it's paramount to torture. And it's all my fault, I'm sure. I don't like doing arts & crafts. I don't like cheesy trivia challenges or BINGO games. I don't like non-stop eating. I don't like socializing with crazy strangers. I don't like going to the spa. And I really don't like "Broadway-style" shows and crappy comedy routines. That leaves walking around on deck and reading books all day. Which is okay... but not the kind of adventure I'm used to having while on vacation.
But it is relaxing because you get to look at stuff like this all day...
Except...
There are a lot of people onboard. And most people are idiots. And many of those idiots are assholes.
Yesterday after I got onboard, I immediately went to the shore excursions desk to confirm my reservations. I was third in line. The couple at the front of the line was finishing up, and gave their room number to the agent for billing. It was on the lowest deck in a not-so-glamorous area of the ship, which caused the guy ahead of me to say "Gee, they sure stuck you in a crappy cabin!"
How do people like this live with themselves?
For all anybody knows, that couple might have saved money for years for this cruise, and that cabin was the best they could afford. Suddenly a vacation they were excited about was crapped on by some moron with poor manners and a big mouth.
Me, being me, was compelled to say to the couple "Hey, at least you can take consolation that you're not on the jerkwad deck!" which was good for a laugh. Sure this makes me no better than the asshole, but what can I say? I live to humiliate mean people.
Because I will never understand those who gain happiness by bringing misery to others.
Which is why I very nearly screamed "SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" to yet another dumbass who was heckling a musician playing on the pool deck. Here was this guy doing his best to entertain people. and he has to listen to some idiot keep interrupting him by screaming "FREEBIRD! FREEBIRD! FREEBIRD!" and "DO YOU KNOW ANY OTHER SONGS?"
People like to joke that I travel so much because I am a global assassin for hire. If that were true, I would kill this stupid fucker at no charge for the benefit of all society.
Anyway, it wasn't all boring today... there was some excitement too.
First of all, I saw a whale swimming outside the window during dinner. He was beautiful as he arched through the water, and it evoked a lot of "oohs and ahs" in the dining room. I didn't have my camera ready, so I can't show you what he looked like, but I can show you what he didn't look like...
At first I found it funny when people would get all excited because they thought they were seeing whales, but were instead seeing a piece of wood or a blob of kelp. But after the tenth time it gets pretty tiring.
The second thing that happened is that we were attacked by pirates...
At least I thought they were pirates. It turns out that it wasn't a boat full of evil pirates after all... it was just a pilot boat making sure we didn't crash into the coastline or something.
But we didn't need pirates. There was already evil on board. AN EVIL TOWEL PIGEON WITH BEADY LITTLE RED EYES!! He was sitting on my bed when I got back from dinner...
But the most exciting thing today was the sunset view from my balcony...
Pretty sweet. Tomorrow the ship arrives in Juneau. That'll be even sweeter.
Ooh! It's time for vacation!
I'm departing sunny Seattle for the rain-soaked shores of Glacier Bay, Alaska. At least I'm assuming they're rain-soaked shores, because that's what everybody has been telling me. Whenever people hear where I'm going, it seems to be all they can talk about... "Those Alaska cruises are fantastic... if you like rain" or "You'll love it... if you don't mind getting wet" or "Yeah, I did that Alaska cruise... AND I HAVE NEVER SEEN SO MUCH RAIN IN ALL MY LIFE!" Since rain doesn't bother me much, I'm not worried about getting wet. I am, however, a little concerned that it seems to be the most memorable part of the trip for people who have done it before.
Interestingly enough, Seattle had positively flawless weather today...
But the minute we headed out into Puget Sound, the clouds started rolling in...
Which made for a nice sunset...
After the sun had gone, mist drifted in and covered the shoreline...
And now it's getting dark. That must mean it's time for ice cream.
Over the next couple days I'm having my blog templates upgraded, so there may be some problems pop up while things get sorted out. I was going to do a redesign at the same time, but I kind of like my blog the way it is.
A couple people asked me "how I did" in Vegas. Since I made it home alive, I'd say I did okay, but I don't think that's what they are talking about... they want to know how much money I won or lost. The truth is that I am not much of a gambler, even though I seem to be luckier than average.
Which is to say that I lose less money than average, because at the end of the day, the casino almost always ends up the winner. Given the addictive nature of gambling, it helps to have a plan. To make sure I don't go broke, I set myself a daily budget based on the total amount of loose change I've managed to collect over the last year or so... $264. This spread out to $64 for the first half-day, and $100 for Saturday and Sunday. My luck played out something like this...
So I lost $181. Which isn't bad when you consider it gave me three days' worth of entertainment AND was under my budgeted amount of $264. This would be great if I hadn't burned through the remaining $83 at the new Hard Rock Cafe an The Vegas Strip buying Grand Opening collector's pins. Oh well.
And now I'm home again... collecting my pocket change for the next time.
Tonight it's a very special Las Vegas edition of Bullet Sunday!
It's special since there's only one bullet. And that's because it's such an incredibly awesome bullet that you would totally forget any other bullets that might appear afterwards.
• ELVIS! The Official Planning Meeting for TequilaCon 2010 ended with a bang when the entire committee decided to attend the Legends show at Harrah's. The acts performing tonight were Britney Spears, James Brown, David Bowie, The Temptations, and (of course) ELVIS!
Here's photos of Jenny collecting an autograph (and some sweat off of Elvis's chest!)...
Such shameless flirting! I think she's totally found herself a new boyfriend.
And here's a crummy picture I took of our photo with my pocket camera...
IMPORTANT NOTE: Just to be clear, that is the cuff of Brandon's shirt... NOT Elvis's penis popping out of his pants. Such genius that you'd almost swear that Brandon planned it that way. Which he probably did.
Elivis signed it "To TequilaCon Forever"...
And thus ends what is probably the most perfect Bullet Sunday in the history of Bullet Sunday.
Today was filled with surprises, and all in a good way... for once.
I started out kind of early, because I wanted to head back down the strip and see my friends off before they left to the airport. As we were wrapping things up, they asked me if I was going to the Grand Opening of the Hard Rock Cafe, Las Vegas Strip Edition. I had read that the opening was being postponed, again, so this kind of caught me off guard. So after everybody was bundled up in a taxi, I walked down The Strip and confirmed that the new property was indeed opening up this morning at 11:00.
Score!
After waiting around for 35 minutes, I was the first one "officially" up the escalator to the new venue where I found...
Disappointment.
This is an absolutely beautiful restaurant. Unfortunately, it's a pretty shitty Hard Rock Cafe. And let me tell you why... it's the memorabilia. Or lack of memorabilia, to be more accurate.
From the very moment that Eric Clapton hung his guitar on the wall of the original Hard Rock in London, rock memorabilia has been an integral part of the Hard Rock "experience" for its visitors. When you walk through those doors and see the expanse of one-of-a-kind items, it's like a rock-n-roll museum you'd find in your dreams. For music-lovers, its perfect.
But not here. Not this time.
The memorabilia is so anemic that the place barely feels like a "Hard Rock" at all. It's sad, actually. As an example, here's the bar area. How much memorabilia do you see?
Uhhh... yeah... there's a few mannequins in the background. And what about here in the main dining room...
What is that... like SEVEN whole pieces and two televisions? Compare that to but one small corner of the Hard Rock Cafe in Biloxi's hotel and casino property...
Or Lisbon, Portugal...
Or Foxwoods, Connecticut...
Or Memphis, Tennessee...
Or even the cafe they just closed in Salt Lake City...
... Just to name a few. Now those... those are Hard Rock Cafes!! The memorabilia is so thick you're swimming in it. You have to visit again and again just to see it all. THAT'S WHAT A HARD ROCK CAFE IS ALL ABOUT!!
But this new cafe on The Vegas Strip? Almost nothing. In fact, there are entire sections of the restaurant which are practically devoted to nothing. Here's the upstairs bar...
And the mini "Hard Rock Live" stage...
And some kind of small VIP room also upstairs...
Occasional random pieces hidden away, but really nothing. NOTHING!! This is supposed to be a Hard Rock?!? The only thing that keeps the place from being a total failure is the staff, which is terrific. And also the sweet "Microsoft Surface" touch tables they've got scattered around the joint (like the one behind the curtain above). You sit down, and it's like a giant iPhone on steroids with its awesome multi-touch interface. Here I am looking at pins from various cafes...
You can toss them around, rotate them, move them in and out, stack them... or even pinch and pull them to zoom in for a much, much closer look...
Other toys include a memorabilia viewer for cafes around the globe which you pick out from an actual spinning globe. This is cool, because it's not like this cafe has much memorabilia to look at here...
They even have distractions like puzzles, videos, and even a piano...
Alas, it's by Microsoft, so you have to brace yourself for all the crashes and failures...
Knowing what this cafe COULD HAVE BEEN almost makes me cry. All that wonderful space that COULD have been crammed with awesome memorabilia from the Hard Rock's extensive collection... wasted. I have no idea who is designing this shit, but somebody needs to stop them. Take the Hard Rock back to what it is at its core. Take it back to what makes it special. Take it back to what people want to see. Take it back to what makes me want to travel the globe and see them all. Take. It. Back.
Sigh.
After goofing around at the Hard Rock for a bit, I headed back to the hotel to meet up with the Official TequilaCon 2010 Planning Committee... Jenny, Vahid, and Brandon. The day kind of went like this...
Drinks. Accusations. Threats. Apologies. Sunglasses. Cigarette holders. News. Drinks. Slots. Slots. Drinks. Craps. Slots. Video Poker. Drinks. Drinks. Drinks. Drinks. Drinks. Slots. Dinner. OFFICIAL TEQUILACON BUSINESS...
Then Walking. Goodnight Brandon. Slots. Drinks. Video Poker. Slots. Walgreens. And lastly, the Fremont Street Experience...
And there you have it. Just another boring day in Las Vegas, Nevada.
UPDATE: I had a long email conversation with somebody who basically asked "who are you to define what is or isn't a Hard Rock?" Which I thought was odd, because they're pretty much self-defining (as the photos I posted above will attest). But even setting that aside, just look at a description of the HRC Hurghada from the Hard Rock Cafe's own web site...
So, even at the Hard Rock Cafe corporate offices, the abundance of memorabilia is looked upon as a defining trait of a good cafe. If I'm seen as "defining" a cafe, I'm only doing so from the definition provided by the organization themselves.
And so here I am in Sin City. I've been a lot of bizarre and strange places, but all of it pretty much pales in comparison to the bizarre and strange stuff you see in Las Vegas. Limos with hot tubs in the back... people puking on the street... half-naked partiers on the sidewalk... gamblers sobbing inconsolably... drunks EVERYWHERE... it goes on and on. Some might say this parade of non-stop debauchery is the ultimate expression of humanity's downfall. I just think it adds to Las Vegas's already considerable charm.
My day began very, very early as I drove to the airport at 4:00am for my 6:00am plane ride. From there I had three quick back-to-back flights which deposited me in Vegas around 11:00am. I packed light to avoid Horizon Airline's STUPID FUCKING $15 LUGGAGE FEE, which allowed me to skip baggage claim and head directly to my hotel.
After checking in, I played the slots for 15 minutes before winnings $200. Yay me! This money got pocketed, leaving me $62 of my original $100 daily gambling budget (which I would eventually lose, netting me out at +$100 for the day).
I'm guessing that was all the luck I'm gonna get this trip. But you never know.
I cashed out my winnings and headed out to have some drinks with a good friend and his wife whom I haven't seen in nearly seven years. That's when the magic began, as we headed out into the wilds of The Vegas Strip. We started out at The Excalibur where I decided to go out and people-watch while my friends played the tables...
In an attempt to get caught up on the USA Hard Rock properties I haven't visited yet, I dropped by the new cafe on The Strip (leaving only the new Hotel & Casino in Tulsa, Oklahoma remaining)...
After joining back up with my friends and losing $50 at blackjack, the three of us decided to eat a late dinner at the original Hard Rock Cafe Las Vegas, located in front of the Hard Rock Hotel...
The hotel's casino is where I decided to blow my last $12 in nickel slots before we started doing Jäger shots at the bar. Oddly enough, it took well over an hour to lose my remaining money... even at MAX BET. They really know how to drag things out in Vegas... but it doesn't really matter, because the house always seems to win in the end. At least they're patient about it.
My friends were staying at Paris Las Vegas, so we decided to take the shuttle back to the MGM Grand and walk back to their hotel. I didn't have any gambling money left, but my $100 in winnings was quickly consumed in alcohol-related expenses along the way...
After saying goodnight to my friends around midnight, I walked north along The Strip to catch The Deuce Bus back to my hotel, when I saw something interesting at the Flamingo...
Yes, that's right... it's Mr. Morality Himself, Donny Osmond. I find it oddly satisfying that this self-righteous ass is more than happy to tell people how to live their lives according to his beliefs with his lobbying against gay marriage... and yet here he is, right next to his twice-divorced sister advertising at a venue where pole dancers are shaking their ass to beckon people inside the casino to smoke, drink, and gamble (all three of which I'd imagine are also against his beliefs). I guess Donny's moral superiority can be yours... IF the price is right.
But I'd imagine that would hold true for a lot of people in Las Vegas.
Me included!*
*My morals can be rented for very favorable hourly rates. Long-term leases also welcome!
If you're not afraid of bugs, there's more to today's post in an extended entry...
→ Click here to continue reading this entry...
It will be a weekend to remember.
Or possibly to forget, depending on how much I have to drink.
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