June 29th was the sixth anniversary of my mom's passing. I wrote this entry, but didn't feel like reading through it to post until now...

There's a rule of thumb which states that the amount of time it takes to get over someone is half the time you were together. If you were together 10 years, then it takes 5 years to get over them not being in your life any more. And though this was coined about relationships, it can easily apply to anybody, really. I was close to my mom since birth, which means I was with her 52 years. I assume this meant I'd be 78 before I'd be over her passing. Assuming such a thing were even possible. It's my mom, after all. How do you get over that?

My mom only made it to 73½ years, which makes it easy for me to envision never making it to my 78th birthday.

But here's the thing... I think there's levels to being over somebody close to you who has died. At least that's how it's been for me...

• The first level is where you're inconsolable. You can't imagine how you will ever be able to carry on... ever be able to be happy again. You think about that person multiple times a day and it cuts you to you core. For me this was the first six months. Fortunately I had cats to feed or else I probably wouldn't have gotten out of bed in the morning.
• The second level is where you're starting to accept that life goes on, but randomly think about the person all the time and the waves of sadness makes you think this is just your life now. This lasted for weeks after the first anniversary of her passing.
• The third level is where all the sadness and all the bad things start to mostly fade away leaving you only happy memories. I could start looking through our travel books again and be joyous that I had such a great relationship with my mom and got to do so many wonderful things with her. Sure Mother's Day, birthdays, anniversaries of their passing, and other memorable dates (like Christmas) are tough, but they're manageable. Mom's birthday that came four years after she passed was when I crossed this threshold. From then on I had made peace with no longer having her around and stopped feeling like I was enduring some kind of torture.
• The fourth level is where you aren't thinking of the person all the time. And when you do, it's without the kind of deep sadness that rips through you. From here on it's just your new reality. You miss them (sometimes more than others) but you've moved on. I notice a photo of mom hanging somewhere or see a Facebook memory of somewhere I went with her and it's almost like I'm looking through it. Do I still miss her? Of course I do. But I rarely think about how much I miss her... it's just a photo that makes me think "Oh yeah, that was a fun trip" followed by a flash of sadness that she's gone, and then I carry on.
• The fifth level was where it just all... stopped... for me. And I remember the day clearly. It was Mother's Day of this year. The night before I went to bed dreading waking up on the day that was most special to me because it was the day I'd buy her a card and ask her where our next trip would be. Then I'd make plans and take her there. In the five Mother's Days past, it hurt realizing that there were no more trips to be had. No more Mother's Day cards to give. But Mother's Day 2024? For whatever reason I woke up, looked through the photo book of our final trip together, and thought "Kinda cool that our last trip was to someplace as amazing as Zimbabwe!" Then I put the book back on the shelf and went to work feeling nothing but happy that I had such a great mom and was able to see the world with her. Now I just coast on all the good memories when they pop up (while still missing her, of course), and that's it. No more random panic attacks from the crushing realization I don't have a mom any more. Because I still do, and I can think about her any time I like...

And here it is, six years since my mom died. It feels like I'm writing all this in a detached kind of way. I'll say "This is what happened and this is the awful way it felt," but from an observational point of view. I'm not reliving it every time. I'm not in there feeling it any more. Thankfully, I'm not able to feel it any more.

And it's very strange putting that out there, because I honestly didn't think it would ever happen. Or at least not until I was 78 years old...

In many ways I still feel robbed. It's not fair that she got dementia and the last four years of her life were so hard (for her and for me). It's not fair that I didn't get another ten years of her company. It's just not fair. And I don't think that feeling will ever go away. Even though I fully realize that there are people out there who got less time with their mom or had a terrible relationship with her, and I'm so very, very lucky...

So, um... yeah.

Still wishing I had mom around.

No longer sad that she's not around because my mind just doesn't go there with her any more. It goes places like this...

It's all happiness, gratitude, and love from here on out.

On Sunday I managed to finish up the closet upgrade project and consolidate my two closets into just the one. Which wasn't easy, because Jenny was having none of it. I had to work around her or listen to her complain. And I really don't want to listen to her complain.

My plan was to coast for a while before starting another project, but the cruel, cold hand of fate intervened last night. Long story short... I took on a new charity project.

Which surprised me because after the charity I volunteered with shut down back in early 2020, I decided 16 years of donating my time was enough, and I was going to do my own thing from here on out. But when somebody you enjoyed working with calls... and it's for a seriously good cause... and you know that it's going to be something that helps a lot of people... well... how can you say no to that?

And so I didn't.

Which means that for the next couple weeks my evenings will be occupied with pushing forward on the 50 to 60 pages that have to be designed, illustrated, laid out, and assembled. So long as I get 4 to 5 pages a night completed, I should be done ahead of schedule. Which is kinda what you want to have happen for things like this, because you absolutely can't run late.

And so...

Not sure if I'm going to have to take a short sabbatical from Blogography, but if I end up disappearing you'll know it was for a good cause.

Compared to my other eye surgeries, the whole cataract lens replacement surgery thing was a drop in the bucket. It doesn't even register to me. But the stellar results absolutely register.

People are asking me questions about how I'm doing two months on, so I decided to interview myself and ask the questions that people might want to know about. I'm both a great interview and a great interviewer, so this should be a treat for the both of us.

• Any regrets over getting cataract surgery? Zero. Less than zero. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.
• If the surgery is so great, why didn't you get it back in middle school when you started wearing glasses? Bad eyesight is not a qualification, because your lenses are still clear at that young age. I mean, maybe there's a way to find a doctor who would replace them, but insurance certainly wouldn't cover it. And it's probably not a good idea anyway. It wasn't until I didn't feel safe driving at night that it was even an option from an insurance perspective.
• You got two-focal-zone lenses (mid-range to infinity) how's that working out? Phenomenal. I mean, sure, it's an adjustment going from nearsighted to farsighted, but for 90% of day-to-day life, I don't need readers. For 5% it would be a bit more comfortable to be wearing readers, but I can get by without. And for the remaining 5% I need readers to see something close up or that's very small type... although half of those times I hold the object 30 inches away and squint so I don't have to look for readers and I can get by.
• So... you don't regret passing up on the three-focal-zone lenses so you wouldn't need readers at all? Nope. Wasn't worth the risk to me. If I lost any contrast or color fidelity at all it might have jeopardized my work. The two-focal-zone lenses I got are gradated so that there's minimal light splitting, and that was far less risky than having the light split three times and losing information. It's not like you can just swap out lenses cheaply or easily if you don't like them, so the gradated two-focal-zone lenses were the right choice for me. If my situation were different, I might have risked it.
• So no loss of contrast then? As I mentioned in my initial posts, my contrast was actually improved, because there was a bit of fogging happening to my natural lens that got replaced.
• And the color? Once my brain realized that it didn't have to compensate for my natural lenses turning all dingy and yellow any more, it quickly remapped colors back to what they should be. Took less than a week.
• So no down-side at all? No. Except, kinda. I've always been light sensitive, but after my surgery that's next level. Bright light pretty much incapacitates me now. I don't dare go outside on a sunny day without a good pair of sunglasses. And the ones I'm wearing are the really expensive ones I bought for my Antarctica expedition. They have shields on the side to block stray light and are perfect. I'm told most cataract surgery patients gradually lose this sensitivity (if it happens at all) but that hasn't been the case for me.
• So driving at night, the reason you got your lenses replaced in the first place, must be bad with the headlights shooting in your eyes? Not really. Well, sometimes, when the oncoming car has their brights on. But that bothered me before the surgery. Night driving is much improved. Almost no glare or halos where it used to be a serious problem.
• What about the floater exaggeration problem? Once my brain got used to my eyes focusing at the lens instead of a pair of glasses away from my lens, that sorted itself out. In fact, I find that I actually notice my many floaters less than I used to. Before surgery if somebody even whispered "floaters" I would instantly be distracted by them. But now? Here I am talking about them and I'm not seeing them at all. I think my brain has an easier time dismissing them when the focus point is where it's expected to be.
• You're too happy. Surely you can think of one thing that sucks? I'll give you two. 1) The cost when you get multi-focal-zone lenses because they aren't covered by insurance... and 2) I never realized how often my glasses were keeping me from getting stuff in my eyes. Sawdust is the worst. I never worried about it when I wore glasses while woodworking, now I have been trying to train myself to wear my safety glasses so I don't end up hurting.
• How's the eye abrasion issue? That was no joke. Recurrent corneal erosion is painful and made my vision blurry in the eye that got scraped during surgery. But once I was prescribed some sodium gel to keep my eye from swelling while I sleep so it could heal, it was good as new in less than a week.
• So what happens now? Once everything is paid off, I'm finally going to get that fancy anal bleaching procedure done. I'm going to have an asshole that looks as fresh as it did 30 years ago! And don't you worry... I fully plan to blog the entire procedure!

And there you have it.

If you're needing cataract surgery, it's definitely worth looking into. I can only speak for me, but it's one of the best things I've ever done.

I am losing all employer contributions to my HSA until the end of the year because the IRS will only allow $4150 per year to land there, and I had to add up to that amount to pay for one of my eye surgeries. This isn't even touching the $1000 I got to add because I'm older than 55.

This is so fucked.

It was my understanding that everything after $5150 in my HSA would be taxed, and I was like "well, whatever..." but it was not made clear anywhere that any contribution over the non-taxable amount made to my HSA would be rejected.

Honest to God I don't understand why this country isn't in active revolt over shit like this.

Given the fact that we have to pay for health care insurance then pay what insurance won't cover, shouldn't all medical expenses be tax exempt?

I have to pay taxes for something the government should be providing in the first place only to end up having to pay taxes on what they're not doing because insurance companies fucking OWN our politicians? What the fuck?

How are politicians not dying of shame over this bullshit?

Oh... wait a second... our politicians are openly sucking lobbyist dick for cash, so they have no shame. I forgot myself for a second.

It is sheer insanity that nobody actually knows how anything works and you can't find out that you fucked up until you get fucked. It's this kind of impenetrable, idiotic, red-tape, bureaucratic process that makes people hate the government. Or maybe it's just me.

Meanwhile... politicians pat themselves on the back for passing yet another pay raise for themselves.

God bless America.

Yes.

It's so perfect out here in Washington that there are delays in deliveries.

Assumably because postal carriers want to head to the beach...

Makes about as much sense of this...

Oh well. Good thing this isn't life-saving medication I'm waiting on. At least I hope not.

The fact that I've been working every day of my vacation would be tragic if not for the fact that I am thrilled come Monday I won't be completely drowning in all the work I missed. That makes it all worthwhile.

Today I did get to hang out at a friend's pool after going to the office in the morning. Then go out to dinner. Then finish a book I've been reading (I'm trying to catch up with the Jack Reacher series, and this was #27, No Plan B, which is excellent... even though the books aren't the same since Lee Child started collaborating with his brother on them so Reacher keeps going after he retires). So, plenty of vacation to be had.

In other news... why are book covers for major authors so frickin' boring?

I get that you want a popular bestselling author like Lee Child to dominate so his fans will notice it on the shelf (or, more to the point, notice it in an Amazon thumbnail), but surely they can come up with something more interesting than this?

Yesterday I joined my friends for another float down the river. The excessive heat (it hit 110º) is causing the water level to plummet, so this might be one of the last chances I get without moving to deeper water.

Despite the heat, the cool river was a treat. And there were birds and deer about, which is always fun to see on a trip.

We've been told that the heat will break soon. Today I was hoping for a temperature under 100º, but I guess that'll happen tomorrow since today was 102º.

Today it's 104º

Tomorrow is supposed to hit 107º

Which is why I was on the river this past weekend instead of today!

These scorchin' times we live in.

I have so many projects on my to-do list that It'll take me the rest of the year to get through them. Or... it would if I stopped adding to the list.

I had three tasks I was going to complete for the weekend.

The first was to rebuild a bathroom hutch so the Litter-Robot could fit underneath. I figure that the cats' bathroom might as well be in my bathroom so I don't have to wade through kitty litter every time I go in my office (which was the old location). But I don't want to wade through kitty litter in my bathroom either, so I decided that I would sacrifice the shelves in my hutch so it was recessed away from the door. It took all day Saturday to get the hutch torn apart... and I still haven't started rebuilding it because, despite costing $900, the thing is crap quality. I'm going to have to buy materials to make it work.

The second was to install FastTrack on my garage walls so I can better organize my tools in the hopes that I can fit my car in the garage. Did that on Sunday, but was then too hurt and tired to organize anything.

The third was to reverse the catio door because Jake now forgets how to get back inside after he goes out. I'd rather have him unable to go out than unable to come back in, so I'm reversing it. Never got around to it because, well, I was too hurt and tired.

Getting old sucks. Remember when I had energy to easily get a dozen projects done on a weekend? Those were the days.

Oh well. There's always next weekend.

Last year I bought a power washer that was on sale because it seemed like a handy thing to have. Turns out that I could have saved the money because I can get the same "pressure" with a garden hose nozzle. There is a nice thing about the power washer, however. You can put cleaning solution or window cleaner or whatever in it to wash while you spray. That's a handy enough feature that I don't regret buying the thing. Though I do wish I. Would have gotten the electric power tank instead of the battery power wand. That would have been more powerful, I think.

I wish I could say that I'm talking about power washers because I power washed my house when I got home but, alas, it was because I fell down a power washer art rabbit hole...

If you search for power washer art on YouTube, you'll find all kinds of cool stuff.

AND THEN I fell down another rabbit hole of HOAs fining people for not pressure washing their driveway.

AND THEN I fell down another rabbit hole of HOA assholes.

AND THEN I got this in my feed...

Alternative facts. Jesus. Really hoping we don't get a repeat of this bullshit.