Back on December 12th I fell and hurt my knee and ankle. It healed up fairly quickly. I was pain-free after about a week. Then it was a little stiff, but I thought it would be fine in another week or two.

WRONG!

It has been getting progressively worse. Last week I noticed that on top of being stiff, it was aching a lot. Now there's outright pain when I move it sometimes. I mentioned it to a friend and he said "Yeah. You probably have arthritis in your knee and ankle now." And I was like "What? Arthritis?!? Isn't that for old people?" He looked puzzled for a second, smiled, then said "Welcome to your fifties. Might want to look into glucosamine."

Oh shit! I totally am an old person now!

It happened so quickly.

Seems like only yesterday I was young and carefree and traveling the world. Now I'm old, prefer to stay at home, and living with cats. Guess I should stop ignoring the weekly mail I've been getting from The Neptune Society (if you don't know what The Neptune Society is, you're in for a fucking treat, because it's wild... when my time comes, bury me at sea with Julia Child on the memorial reef, please!).

And speaking of being old and having arthritis now(!)...

I found out an interesting fact today.

I was drying off after my shower. It was painful to bend my knee, so instead I just bent over. Suddenly the lights went off. It took my old man brain a second to realize that the electricity didn't just cut out... I had backed my bare ass up against the touch-sensitive light switch next to the shower. So now I know. My ass is light-switch-height.

Even though my butt cheeks were freshly cleaned in the shower, I was still mortified thinking that my light switch was now an ass switch. So the first thing I did after drying off and putting on my underwear was to run for the Clorox cleaner so I could scrub down the wall, plate, and switch.

I wanted to do it before I forgot, because apparently my memory is going to be leaving me very soon now.

If it hasn't already.

Well, here it is. The entry where I recap all the things that happened in the year. Except... such a post only really made sense when I was actually doing lots of stuff (meaning prior to 2020). Not that nothing at all happened in 2023. Plenty of stuff happened. It's just that going through it all month-by-month doesn't really work when the notable stuff just isn't a massive list.

And so...

This was the 20th year of Blogography. Which means I've been blogging for 20 years. That's probably ten years longer than was relevant, but I'm nothing if not persistant.

This was also the 3rd year of Ted Lasso, my favorite television show of all time. They say it's the last year, but holy crap I hope not.

The greatest thing to happen all year? Grocery delivery is finally available in my area! As God is my witness, I will never step foot in the bedlam that is a grocery store again. Except when the delivery says that something I need is "OUT OF STOCK." Which, alas, is more often than I ever thought it would be.

The second greatest thing? The Dutch Bitch, one of my oldest blogging friends, visited me here in Redneckistan!

I had a lot of expenses this year, so I tried to save money wherever I could. The one exception was a seriously useless purchase of a Bad Monkey neon sign. It's pretty great...

I also bought new pair of SONOS Era 300 speakers, but those aren't totally useless. I get really awesome sound while watching movies now! And by "now" I meant nine months after I bought them because SONOS had to issue a fix so that Dolby Atmos would play on them without blowing up my SONOS Arc soundbar.

In the not-so-frivolous purchases department... I had to replace my hot water heater. Because of course I did. It was one of the few things that hasn't gone wrong with my house yet. And then I had to replace my HVAC system, because it turns out there were actually two things that hadn't gone wrong with my house yet.

This year was the first time since 2019 that I saw a live concert. And only the second time since 2019 that I saw a movie in a theater. Oddly enough, these were two activities I didn't miss as much as I thought I would. But it turns out I hate people, so being able to watch movies and concerts at home is the best.

I didn't catch COVID again this year. To my knowledge, I've never had it. Though I'm six-times-vaccinated, so it's possible I did contract it but being vaccinated made it so mild that I didn't notice. I am not doing incredibly risky stuff (except going to a concert and a movie) so maybe that helps too. I don't know.

I managed to finish my kitchen renovation after years of working on it. Still want to replace the floor, but that's something I'll likely never be able to afford. I also managed to get half of my yard renovated. In another couple years maybe I'll have the money to do the rest. But first I have to repair my upstairs shower (that was leaking).

Because I have time now that I'm at home all the time and don't travel 1/3 of the year, I ranked all the Pet Shop Boys songs. You're welcome.

Out of all the things I blogged about in 2023, I think the thing I most want to leave you with is this, which I ran across in August...

Hope you had a good 2023. And will have an even better 2024.

I'm trying to stay optimistic.

I love the concept of "retail therapy." Things are going wrong. You're feeling bad about it. So you buy yourself something nice to get through it.

After the day I had today, I thought I needed a little retail therapy. But because I wanted to try and be a responsible adult by not spending tons of money on stuff I don't need, I blew $2.99 on some Walker's Shortbread (sale priced from $5.99!) added my grocery delivery order for tomorrow.

It's the least I could do for myself, really.

For weeks I've been having a persistent cough due to even more persistent post-nasal drip that seems to pop up this time of year. It makes my lungs feel tired. And days like today have me contemplating how utterly horrifying my life would be if Albuterol didn't exist. I don't use my inhaler very often... but when I need it, it's a very nice thing to have indeed.

Turns out that being able to breathe is a luxury you don't fully appreciate until you can't do it.

And since breathing is what's going to keep me alive until my shortbread arrives tomorrow, I guess it's a good thing I believed in a little retail drug therapy when it came time to renew my prescription.

Personally, I don't celebrate Christmas. It's not my holiday. It hasn't been for many years. Since the early 90's, I think. But does it bother me when somebody wishes me a "Merry Christmas?" Of course it fucking doesn't. Why would it? All this faux outrage over not being able to say "Merry Christmas" is categorically absurd. Nobody cares. Celebrate your Christmas all you want. Nobody is trying to take it away from you. And yet here we are. I'm dealing with people "taking back Christmas" by aggressively wishing people a "Merry Christmas"... especially towards people like me who they know darn well don't celebrate it. No idea why. Especially since I am happy to join in on other people's celebrations of Christmas. Just like I'm happy to join in on anybody else's celebrations and traditions if they'll have me.

So... yeah. I am happy to acknowledge Christmas. It was my entire world when I was a kid. But as I grew up and realized that there were loads of other winter holidays that existed in the world outside of mine, I was happy to acknowledge those as well.

And so I say "Happy Holidays"... which is inclusive of whatever holiday YOU celebrate (including Christmas!)... along with MY holiday too. It's an all-encompassing saying that has been used for decades this time of year to be inclusive of everybody.

But just in case you're one of those people who refuses to acknowledge that other holidays exist, and Christmas is THE ONE TRUE HOLIDAY THAT SHOULD BE THE ONLY HOLIDAY TO EXIST FOR ALL OF DECEMBER! then I got you...

Hope your Christmas is merry, monkey, and bright... if that's your holiday of choice.

I've never had an easy time getting eight hours of sleep each night. But, then again, it's never been a huge problem for me. I'm always fully alert and active throughout the day. What changes, seemingly at random, is how early into the evening I run out of juice. And then I got an Apple Watch and finally understood why that is.

I learned fairly quickly that how much sleep I'm getting (or not gettings) isn't what's important. It's how much deep sleep that I'm getting. If I get nine hours of sleep... ten hours even... it doesn't mean anything if I get under three hours of deep sleep. I'll be a wreck the next morning, get through the day okay, then have zero energy for anything except vegging out on the couch all night. On the other hand if I get four hours of deep sleep, I will be fully rested and have a full day of energy even if that's all the sleep I get.

For the past six months I did an analysis of what I eat, how much I eat, and when I eat it. I also kept track of how much deep sleep I got. The results were interesting.

Turns out that, for me, there's a simple checklist that gets me the best possible deep sleep...

• No caffeine after 1:00pm
• Light dinner before 5:00pm
• No food or drink after 6:00pm
• In bed by 10:00pm, and lights out by 11:00pm

If I stick to that schedule I'm usually asleep between 10:30 and 11:00, and wake up between 5:30 and 6:00. This usually results in six-and-a-half to seven hours of sleep with four hours of deep sleep. And that's my happy place for being well-rested.

Last night, for example, I was in bed by 10:30. Turned the lights off at 11:00. Fell asleep at 11:33. Woke up at 5:46. This got me 6 hours and 13 minutes of sleep. But 4 hours and 21 minutes of that was deep sleep, so I was absolutely golden all day long.

All this time all I need to do was to not worry about whether or not I was getting 8 hours of sleep and shift my eating to earlier in the day. Simple.

And do you know what happens if I stay up late drinking or eat dinner too late or have too big of a meal or drink caffeine after 1:00? If I'm lucky I'll get three hours of deep sleep. But usually one or more of those factors will result in my getting less than three.

And there you have it.

Took me 30 years to get here, but at least I've finally arrived.

I did not anticipate that my biggest problem of the day would be how to get my socks and pants on with my screwed-up knee. And yet here we are. Drying off after my shower was equally challenging. Well, it was easy at first... then got more challenging as the task at hand went on.

But anyway...

There's a long list of people who don't like me, I'm sure. Some on the list outright hate me (maybe even you!). And I get it. To these haters I have all the wrong opinions and believe in all the wrong things. Never nind that I try to get along with everybody the best I can whether I respect their opinions and their beliefs or not... they go out of their way to make sure I know that I'm not welcome in their worldview. Sometimes it's in subtle ways that I'm not really observant enough to "get" right away. Other times it's made painfully obvious because something happens which can't be interpreted in any other way. This past week something happened like that, which was more comical than anything else. I wasn't offended or hurt or even mildly upset, because it was just so intentionally ridiculous. It was kind of an everybody-at-the-birthday-party-is-given-a-slice-of-cake-except-me scenario.

What's not obvious in this specific case is why they hate me enough to refuse me the slice of birthday cake.

Could be for any one of a hundred reasons.

Or a combination of all of them.

All I know is that I must be doing something right. Because at my party I would go out of my way to make sure everybody got cake... regardless of how I feel about them. Even if it meant giving up my slice. Meanwhile there's people out here hogging the entire cake, even when people at the party are starving. The fact that this isn't me is enough to let me sleep at night.

The realiation that there's a lot of awful people out there stopped keeping me awake a long time ago.

The day just started, I haven't even made it into the office yet, and I'm already having a really bad day.

Fortunately my Instagram feed was there to get me started.

Because there's cute. And then there's this...

Hoppy Monday.

Well. This day could have gone better.

On the bright side, it could have gone much, much worse.

Anyway, happy Monday...

Cats are the best.

In the Before Times I used to put as much money as I could manage into my savings so I could spend it on Black Friday sales. Since my buying power could end up being 200% of normal (or more!), it just made financial sense to buy everything I need for the year on this one day. Especially clothes.

But then I remodeled my kitchen, did a bit of landscaping in my front yard, and had a water leak... and all of a sudden my savings are more than gone. They are non-existent.

Which is not that bad for once. I don't need any electronics or appliances or housewares. The clothes I have are in wearable condition. There are no tools, video games, or cool toys I am dying to have. My car is still mostly running. And my shoes are still in one piece. Albeit thanks to Shoe Goo.

My boots and shoes don't get a lot of heavy use, but they still fall apart. Mostly when the sole's toe-cover comes unglued. Fortunately that's an easy fix. Shoe Goo and an overnight stay in a bucket to keep it held in place is all it takes...

So... yeah... not much happening today for me. Certainly not like it's been for other years.

I've still got nearly a half-tube of Shoe Goo left, so I'm good.

As a vegetarian, today is far from "Turkey Day" to me.

I haven't eaten meat for over 37 years, but I was never much of a turkey guy to begin with. I'd eat it... but at a 50/50 ratio with jellied cranberry. I also didn't care for steaks, ribs, sausage, ham, pork chops, chicken, or any kind of seafood. The only meats I did like were hamburgers, bacon, and pepperoni. That's it. Everything else was eaten reluctantly.

Turns out I was predisposed towards vegetarianism from the start. But discovering Buddhism was what it took to push me over the edge.

I'm rather happy with the vegetarian alternatives to hamburger and bacon. And, believe it or not, I was never a fan of hotdogs until I discovered the vegetarian variety.

There is no adequate vegetarian substitute for pepperoni.

If there was, that would be something to be thankful for.