I've never understood the concept that men have to be abusive assholes in order to be considered "masculine." Is that really what society wants of us? Exploding with anger and being physically violent at the drop of a hat?

I have tried most of my life to not be that guy.

And it all started after my brother and I took a trip to Thailand.

All the men I encountered were exceedingly gentle, soft-spoken, and kind. They saw no need to be hostile or domineering in every situation. After a couple days of reading the teachings of The Buddha from the book that was in the nightstand, I understood that their gentleness was likely a function of their religion (something like 95% of the country is Buddhist).

Before visiting Thailand and being exposed to Buddhism I was a bitter, angry, volitile person who would have a meltdown if a bird pooped on my car. After visiting Thailand and being exposed to Buddhism I had a different view of the world and my place in it. The bird that pooped on my car wasn't attacking me. This was nothing personal. There is no benefit to being angry at a bird. It was just being a bird and doing what birds do, independent of me or my feelings.

I never became a Buddhist, but the precepts and teachings of The Buddha made me an entirely different person, and showed me who I wanted to be. Everything just made sense. At last. So while I still get angry, I just let it go instead of letting it eat away at my soul. Sometimes by blogging about it. I'm so much happier this way.

But anyway... my journey ran through my head after I happened across this TikTok (here's a link in case TikTok is being a dick)...

"My softness and my gentleness is an act of defiance."

That's a statement that's going to stick with me for the rest of my life.

Well, that was a day.

I need quite badly to put it behind me and chill.

Like this...

Maybe I'll just drink instead.

I was already furious that Whirlpool uses cheap-ass plastic axels on their wheels which corrode and fall apart after five years.

I mean, seriously... just look at this shit...

So when I installed the replacement upper rack glides (THIRD PARTY WITH *METAL* AXELS), I yelled "FUCK!" at least twenty times in the ten minutes it took to figure out how to work with Whirlpool's stupid-ass design. Pretty sure all the appliance manufacturers make cheap-ass fucking parts that fall apart so you have to pay for replacements... but that isn't any consolation because I am still filled with rage.

I would have gladly paid 50¢ more for my dishwasher if Whirpool would have used metal fucking axels. God what a fucking piece of shit.

I am not particularly worried about my memory. Yet.

But I do have some memory "blind spots" that drive me crazy.

ME AT THE STORE: "Say! That's a great deal on toothpaste! Should I get one 3-Pack or two? I'll just go with one. I think I have a tube in the cupboard."

ME TONIGHT: "GUESS I'LL JUST PUT THESE TUBES WITH THE EIGHT OTHER TUBES IN MY CUPBOARD! WTF?!?"

Interesting to note how mad I got with my previous extraneous purchases, because I just chucked them in there without neatly stacking them.

I honestly try to be a kind, caring, compassionate person. That kinda goes out the window when there are abusive assholes unloading hate on their fellow humans... I simply cannot be kind, caring, or compassionate towards them... but I honestly try everywhere else.

Which is why even when I'm driving home and am anxious to get out of the heat and relax after a long day at work, I don't climb all over the bumper of somebody going 10 miles under the speed limit (25mph instead of 35mph). Because for all I know...

• They could be a new driver and nervous to go any faster just yet.
• They could be older and not comfortable going any faster.
• They could be driving with somebody who has had delicate surgery and are nervous about causing them pain if they hit a bump at that speed.
• They could be driving a wedding cake somewhere.
• They could be having car trouble and driving to get it repaired.

There could be numerous good reasons they aren't driving the speed limit.

At least I hope there's a good reason.

Because if either you or your vehicle is unable to go the speed limit, then you really shouldn't be driving.

But anyway...

So there I was driving home trying not to crowd the slow, slow car ahead of me, when somebody comes raoring up behind me. And they are right up on me. And it's like... surely they can see that I'm not the problem? So why be an asshole towards me? Then I started worrying they were going to attempt to pass us both on a fairly narrow road. Which might spook the slow driver and lead to disaster. But nope.

Eventually the car turned off and I accellerated to the correct speed.

For a few seconds.

Before the speed limit dropped to be actually 25mph again.

At which point they were all up on me again.

When I got home from work today, I was just... numb. Didn't have the energy to do anything except plop down in front of the television with an ice cream cone. Which sounds more entertaining than it was because I never bothered to actually turn the television on.

Instead I told Siri to put on some music while I caught up on the news.

And the first headline I see? FDA grants full approval to new Alzheimer's drug meant to slow disease.

Now, this is a hell of a long way from an actual cure. It costs $26,500 a year, it has been linked to death, it only slows progression for around five months, and it's more for friends and family than the person with dementia, but it's a step! And, from somebody who's intimately familiar with it... from somebody who would have given anything to have a chance at five more months with my mom where she was still mostly herself... I'd have paid the $26,500 and been grateful if it in any way helped.

And that's the way science goes.

AIDS, some cancers, and many diseases are survivable now, and it all started with a step. A step just like Leqembi is for dementia.

But there will always be those for which the science came too late.

For those left behind, I guess you just cling to the consolation that other people may be spared what you had to go through.

Maybe.

One day.

   
Remember when hump-day used to be a good thing?

Given the way that politicians and our Supreme Court are taking a huge fucking shit on everything this country was supposed to stand for, I approach this year's Independence Day with more than a little guilt. So much blood spilled to preserve our liberties over the years... and we're throwing it all in the trash.

And so I celebrated this country's 247th birthday the only way that made sense to me.

First I had red-white-and-blue cupcakes in bed for breakfast...

Then I hung out with my friends at a pool drinking alcohol in the blazing sun.

It felt like a good idea at the time.

I'm burnt, y'all.

It was the annual Fabulous Fourth Weekend Float for my friends and I. This year our Summer came early, so the creek and river were lower than usual. This made it a little tough to go through spots, but it was still a fun float in the end.

How it started...

How it ended... Note that I put on two coats of sun screen, but still got royally burnt...

As usual, there were plenty of awesome dogs floating as well. I never get tired of seeing dogs in life preservers...

And there were a lot of duckies out too...

So... yeah! Another great float in the bag. Even though I'm so wiped from being out in the sun that I think I'm good for the year.

Not that it matters much given how low the river is.

The trailer for Dune: Part Two dropped today.

This may very well be the movie that I finally go crawling back to the theater to see. It would be the first in four and a half years.

Because... holy cats...

Today after work I put my living room back together. With all the mass-loaded vinyl, sound-dampening insulation, and vibration pipe clips in there, the sound of my HVAC return line is not nearly as annoying. When I have television or music on it's barely noticeable.

This past weekend I cleaned out my refrigerator because I had another Coke can rupture. Not explode... just a slow leak kinda thing. No idea why this keeps happening. I guess that cans are so thin now that they just don't have any structural integrity?

While I was at it, I consolidated my two cheese drawers into one big drawer...

That freed up a drawer that I can put all my nuts and dried fruits in...

Surprisingly, all my jams and sour creams were still within their expiration date...

All my condiments too...

And even all my salad dressings...

As if that wasn't awesome enough... my breads, pickles, eggs, and sodas were still good to boot...

All clean! Until next month when I have to start all over again.

Or earlier than a month if another Coke leaks all over.