I should just go home. That would be the smart thing to do.

But I think we all know that I am not a smart man. No... I'm going to stay here over the mountains where I can have another couple evenings without wildfire smoke in the air.

Turns out I only thought I was exhausted yesterday. Because today I found out exactly what "exhausted" really means.

Last night I was quick to take a nap because I knew I was going to wake up to watch the series premiere of She-Hulk: Attorney at Law that debuted on Disney+. Probably a mistake, but I didn't have to be to work until 9:00, so no big deal, right? (SPOILER ALERT: It would indeed turn out to be a big deal). I'm going to reserve comment on the show until we get past this origin episode... but my first impression was very good. I love Tatiana Maslany, and she brought everything you could hope for to the role. A guest appearance from The Hulk didn't hurt matters (where we also get a lingering question answered from the Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings credits scene...

But anyway... Could not get back to sleep after hulking out, which ultimately lead to me getting a whopping three hours and twenty-eight minutes of sleep (according to Apple Watch). It didn't help that there were people in the neighboring hotel room who were making lots of noise and slamming doors until 2:30am. Thankfully work went very well, because if things went badly and a fully-functional brain was required, I would have been in deep trouble.

After work I stopped for a road pizza at David's...

And then I was on my way. Three hours of nothing but this...

Could be worse. It could have been five hours of nothing but that.

There comes a time where you just don't give a crap anymore.

For me that was 22 years ago... give or take.

But if it wasn't 22 years ago... give or take, it would probably have been today. Because I tell you what, I was at the end of my rope by 8:30am... and then had to go to work! I am increasingly mystified at how common courtesy and a willingness to Do The Right Thing have bottomed out. And then something happens to make you realize that there was a bottom underneath the bottom, and you hadn't bottomed out after all.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

I've mistakenly though I hit bottom with people decades ago.

Turns out I was only getting started. And now I know better.

Sadly.

Today I had to pay cash for something. This was an event which came out of nowhere and had me wondering how I actually get "cash" now-a-days. I just never use the stuff. Everything is paid on credit card (so I can get those sweet, sweet air miles that I can never use... thanks, COVID!) or, God willing, via my Apple Watch or iPhone.

It had me thinking back to the last time I paid cash for anything, and apparently it was so long ago that I can't remember. Fortunately I was owed some money where I was paid in cash (which I quickly forgot about) and so I didn't have to find a compatible cash machine or locate a checkbook. I had money waiting to be spent in my wallet.

It's bizarre how much has changed in my (relatively) short lifetime.

For the longest time, cash was all I had. I didn't get credit cards that I could actually use regularly until I was in college (something which would come to destroy me financially for decades).

Well, whatevs. I'd be thrilled to never use cash again.

Even though that will signal the End of Days, or whatever.

Remember yesterday when I was writing about how lack of sleep was turning me into a zombie? Well... I honestly thought that would change last night. Except no.

I was awakened at 5:30am this morning as ping-pong-ball-sized rain was slamming into the roof. And there was Jake right next to my head crying about it. And I honestly don't blame him. The rain was so heavy that it might as well have been 1-inch hailstones, and I was worried about the skylight in my bathroom shattering (something I definitely cannot afford to have happen)...

After comforting Jake enough that he finally stopped squawking at my head and curled up asleep next to me, I started wondering where Jenny was. She's the one who is usually very upset when even a small amount of rain falls on the roof. She paces all over my bed while staring at the ceiling and meowing her head off. If this rain was enough to upset Jake, she must be very cross indeed. But nothing. Perhaps it scared her so much that she's hiding in the guest closet or something?

And then the thunder and lightning arrived.

At which time Jenny came bolting into the room at top speed. She rubbed up against me doing that wailing thing she does when she's worrying about stuff until she too settled down and went to sleep.

So there I was... wide awake after less than 5 hours of sleep, but unable to move without waking up my two sleeping companions. Mercifully, the breakfast feeding alarm went off at 7am at which time the cats went scrambling downstairs to eat... frustrated that my sleep-deprived ass was taking so long to feed them.

Between Mother Nature, Jake, and Jenny, the conspiracy to keep me from sleep continues...

I've been having a terrible time sleeping lately. Last night I went to bed early at 10:00pm, but my watch shows that I didn't fall asleep until after midnight. Which means that I essentially laid awake for two hours with my mind racing. In other words, it's a day ending in "Y," and when I rolled out of bed at my usual 5:30am I felt like half my brain was missing.

I honestly don't think it's too must to ask that I get eight hours of sleep each night. Or even seven. Heck, over the past four months I'd settle for six. Instead it's been between four and five hours, which is simply not enough. I feel like a zombie all day long. Though I'm surprisingly able to function just fine and get all my work completed without issue. But it's like I'm on auto-pilot instead of being invested. And it's tough to enjoy life that way.

I thought I might be able to supplement my sleepy-time with naps, but that's proven equally impossible. For whatever reason I can't sleep during the day no matter how tired I am.

I guess it's time that I have a sleep study done again?

I dunno. The last time I paid for one and nothing really came out of it.

But at least I could say that I tried something.

Yesterday I had a disaster of a morning attempting to sign a frickin' PDF. Adobe continues to treat PAYING CUSTOMERS like criminals, which made activating Acrobat on my home iMac incredibly time-consuming and difficult. First it wouldn't authenticate. Then it wouldn't download. Then after restarting twice I managed to get it installed, but the installer wouldn't acknowledge that it was installed. Except I still managed to run it. But then the current version of Acrobat didn't work right with the current version of MS Word. So I had to create the PDFs manually, then load them. But then Adobe wouldn't allow me to sign the documents because I couldn't load my signature. So I had to go to the online version of Acrobat to load my signatures. Then I finally got to where I could sign the damn documents... only to find that Acrobat wouldn't allow me to save anything. Turns out I had to turn off online services for some reason in order to be able to save locally. A process that should have taken at most five minutes clocked in at just over an hour.

Remember the good ol' days when you could just buy a program and then use the program you paid for?

And, as bad as that was, today was even more frustrating.

But this time it was Apple instead of Adobe that I was battling.

My Apple Studio Display hasn't been able to play sound for more than 10 seconds since I got the thing. It starts to play and then almost immediately cuts out. Then you have to switch to a different audio, then switch back, at which time it plays again for another ten seconds and then cuts out. Yet again.

Well, today I finally got the software update which fixes the bizarre audio issues that have been plaguing Studio Display users for months... only to then have my computer get stuck in an endless update loop.

There's two hours of my life that I'm never getting back.

I totally appreciate that computers are getting faster and more capable all the time. The stuff they can do now is close to magic. But what good is all that when they go to shit so often that you actually lose hours of your life?

I tell you what... graphic design in the 80's is being remembered with increasing fondness with each passing day.

For much of my adult life I've lived in upstairs apartments. Spider sightings were blissfully rare, and I never had to worry much about creepy-crawlies. Then six years ago I moved into my current home which is at ground level. And while there's not a lot of spider activity, there's more than I've been accustomed to. Much to the delight of my cats, who thrill at playing with a spider for a while before ultimately eating it then puking it up.

I don't want to kill anything, but I don't want to have to clean up cat puke either, so I invested in a box of those tiny paper Dixie cups specifically to be used for catching bugs and transporting them outside. They work great, and can be tossed afterwards so I don't risk dying from spider germs being deposited on my drinking glasses.

Today I found a weird tan spider by my cloak closet and went to get a Dixie cup so I can take him outside. After putting him in the shady part of my flower garden, I decided to count how many cups were missing so I could determine how many spiders I've saved over the years.

The answer is thirty-four.

That's thirty-four times I made the choice to not splat a spider with my shoe but instead set him free. I'd like to think that there's some future karma benefit at work here for me here... but the fact that I'm lucky enough to have a home in the first place is enough for me.

This morning I woke up and really, really wanted a toasted bagel with cream cheese. Fortunately, I had both. Unfortunately I had a very busy morning and didn't have time to fix one up before I left the house for work.

But I never stopped wanting that dang bagel!

All day at work. All through my errands after work. Right up through the evening when I finally got home... that bagel was all I could think about. And so that was my dinner. Toasted to get it crusty then microwaved for 10 seconds to get it softened. Then schmeared with cream cheese. It was perfect.

And now I feel as though I have nothing left to live for.

Except chocolate ice cream for dessert, of course.

There's a popular meme that many people have posted on social media which goes something like this... "I'd rather be excluded for who I include than included for who I exclude." On the surface, this actually seems like a nice thing. Being inclusive is an admirable goal and something I have strived to do in my life for as long as I can remember. I love the diverse nature of humanity and find life to be far more exciting because everybody everywhere can be so different. Variety truly is the spice of life.

Except...

I disagree strongly that you have to include everybody.

Some people... expecially people who are dumbasses or pieces of shit... NEED to be excluded from my life. All the bigots, racists, homophobes, transphobes, flat earthers, willfully ignorant, science-denier, persecuting haters (and those like them) can just go. I really don't want to waste my time on all that. Which is probably a good thing for them as well, because they're probably going to be far happier without me in their lives too.

The problem is that it's nigh-impossible to escape from these people entirely. Sometimes they travel in the same social circles. Sometimes they end up at the same places. Sometimes you have to work with them. Sometimes you're related to them. There's just no way to be a part of society without having to endure it, regardless of the lengths you go towards trying to avoid them.

And in those cases you just have to grin and bear it... while trying to be as civil as possible... and hope you can stay sane.

Something that has been a lot more dificult since the pandemic started.

Which is kinda the opposite of how it should be.

And yet here we are.