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Apple Shit Sandwich

Posted on Tuesday, December 27th, 2022

Dave!With each passing day I grow more enraged at Apple.

It used to be that they did no wrong. But now-a-days? It's just one shit sandwich after another.

Take for example HomeShit (AKA HomeKit). This technology has been fucking stupid from the very beginning. But everything I read lead me to believe that over the past six years most of the problems have been resolved and it's a very good home automation solution in 2022. And so when INSTEON bit the dust and I had to replace all the smart tech in my home, I went ahead and took a bite of the HomeKit Sandwich. With a caveat. I made sure that the HomeKit stuff I bought was "Matter Smart Home Enabled" so if I wanted to switch to Google Home Assistant or (heaven forbid) back to Amazon Alexa, I would be able to do so because Matter is going to be compatible with everything.

Yeah... HomeKit is still HomeShit.

Nothing is a more glowing indication of this than the fact that Apple just rolled out a new "HomeKit Architecture Upgrade"... then had to immediately delete it because people were having all kinds of crazy troubles with losing their smart home. Some great beta-testing Apple has there. Though I should note that my upgrade proceeded without issue. That I know of. Yet.

And... the upgrade actually seems to have solved a problem where if you edited an automation it would stop working. Mine seem to be working now.

But it's not all a bed of roses.

As I was driving over the mountains for the holidays, I realized that I forgot to turn off the alarms that I have set up on my HomePod minis to let Jake and Jenny know when it's time for breakfast and dinner (I found that by training them to listen for an alarm, they don't bother me when I'm home as it gets close to feeding time). I was not worried though, because I could just turn them off remotely using the Apple "Home" app on my iPhone.

Except, no. Not so much.

For some stupid fucking reason, Apple requires you to be on the same WiFi network before it will allow you to change the alarms. Never mind that I could easily change them remotely when my alarms were on Amazon Alexa... Apple refuses to allow me to turn off the alarms remotely. And I've never been so disgusted with any "smart home" technology I've ever used. Not being able to turn off alarms means that every morning at 6:55am and every evening at 5:55pm, my HomePod minis would have their alarms going off... and they don't fucking stop going off for fifteen fucking minutes! That's fifteen minutes of my poor cats having to listen to an alarm blaring. That's just fucking cruel, and I am so enraged with Apple that I very nearly threw all my HomePod minis in the fucking garbage when I got home. So damn stupid. WHAT'S THE FUCKING POINT OF HAVING MY SMART HOME ON MY PHONE IF I CAN'T CONTROL ALL ASPECTS OF MY SMART HOME WHEN I'M AWAY FROM MY HOME?!?

This goes beyond AirDrop file transfers not working.

This goes beyond print jobs failing all the time.

This goes beyond the Mail app being a hot pile of fucking trash.

This goes beyond daily frustrations with bugs in Apple apps that never get fixed.

This even goes beyond the fact that HomeShit automations still failing ALL THE FUCKING TIME...

HomeKit Failure.

It's a simple thing that has huge impact on my poor cats having to listen to alarms blaring at them.

But Apple doesn't give a single fuck about crap like this because they're too big to give a fuck about customers. As what has always been the case, you get the shit sandwich that Apple serves you or you eat a shit sandwich from somewhere else. And they're all terrible. Though it would seem that Google Assistant is the least worst, according to tests by Marques Brownlee...

Personally, I'm about ready to go back to having a stupid home. Sure it's not as helpful, but at least you can count on it to work as expected.

Comments

  1. martymankins says:

    TBH, I have not used any Home Kit device. We are mostly Google home here with Nest and Google Home speakers.

  2. Raises hand for last remaining human running a dumb home. I use physical keys and press switches to turn lights on. Like an animal.

    • Dave2 says:

      I’m the opposite. I don’t even know where half my switches are because so much happens automatically… and what doesn’t is almost always voice controlled.

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