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Bullet Sunday 210

Posted on Sunday, December 12th, 2010

Dave!It's Bullet Sunday off the rails, baby! OFF THE RAILS!

   
• 'Tis the Season... for GOOD! So many potentially wonderful things are happening all the time all around us. Even when we least expect it. Even when we receive terribly sad news that makes it impossible for us to believe it. At least I hope so. Clinging to that is about all that's keeping me sane right now.

DAVETOON: Lil' Dave and Bad Monkey are happy to see you!

   
• 'Tis the Season... for PAIN! Heaven only knows that there is some truly awful people out there... and, unfortunately, sometimes you marry them. Yes, it sucks. Yes, you need to get yourself a dang good lawyer to take care of business. Yes, there is going to be hard feelings and resentment. But having shit-bag lawyers add to a terrible situation is disgusting on levels so heinous that it should be grounds for getting your slimy ass disbarred...

I've been seeing this local television ad run every holiday season for years, and I get more pissed off every time it airs. Nothing quite like taking a season of good will and good cheer... then shitting all over it by encouraging people to solve their problems by becoming bitter, vindictive douchebags like this bitch. For all we know, SHE was the problem. A total whore that cheated on her hard-working, faithful husband by fucking anything with a penis. Thanks a lot, asshole lawyer.

   
• 'Tis the Season... for CONFLICT! Speaking of divorce... my eternal love and devotion for Elizabeth Hurley has been well-documented on this blog. Which is why I was so horribly conflicted when I saw the following on her twitter feed this morning...

Not a great day. For the record, my husband Arun and I separated a few months ago. Our close family & friends were aware of this.

I am genuinely sad that things didn't work out for Elizabeth Hurley's marriage. Not just for her, but for her husband Arun Nayar and her son Damian. As somebody who has been mildly obsessed with Elizabeth Hurley for fifteen years, of course I am upset for her. How could I ever want anything except for her to be happy? But... on the other hand... as somebody who has been mildly obsessed with Elizabeth Hurley for fifteen years... I've felt equally awful over having coveted another man's wife. But it's not like I can help myself here...

Dave Hotness

I totally have a chance here. Right? Right?

   
• 'Tis the Season... for TOAST! Google is starting to really push their browser-based operating system (called "Chrome OS") with rather shocking videos like this one...

WTF?!? NO! OH GOD, NO! NOT THE TOAST!!!

Google Hates Toast!!

What a sad, terrible waste of perfectly good toast. I could watch crappy Chrome netbooks being smashed all day long, but did they really have to sacrifice innocent slices of toast to make their point? Toast has never done anything to us but taste great with butter and jam... surely they could have used some useless food product like broccoli or cauliflower in the making of this video? I mean, sure, we can always make more toast. It only takes a few minutes in a toaster. But is this kind of violence against helpless bread products really necessary? This is sad. Sad and wrong. Why does Google hate toast?

   
And now it's time to get back on track. There's only so long you can go off the rails before Real Life calls you back.

Comments

  1. Mooselet says:

    I reckon you have a chance with Liz, since she seems to be having a thing with Aussie cricketer Shane Warne. Eewww… you are far better looking than Shane Warne.

  2. I miss toast… with butter and jam. Celiac’s is a bitch!

  3. Jeff says:

    Right? Right?

    RIGHT!!!! Go for it!!!

  4. the muskrat says:

    I need commercials like that, but with an insurance adjuster talking about how she cut off an unrepresented claimant’s workers’ comp benefits with no legally justifiable reason whatsoever, just in time for him to lose his house on Christmas.
    And then he called Muskrat Law, who sent an angry son of a bitch over to the insurance company’s office with a flame thrower and a cache of rocket propelled grenades! Or something like that.

  5. Barnmaven says:

    Elizabeth Hurley is so totally going to show up on your doorstep declaring eternal devotion after she reads your blog.

  6. ourladybeth says:

    Elizabeth Hurley has terrible taste in men. Truth. I feel it’s time for reform. Go get her.

  7. Sybil Law says:

    Divorce commercial – worst EVER.
    Chrome commercial – worst EVER (although I’m glad the gnome got it).
    And now’s your chance with Elizabeth Hurley!!
    When will Dave Grohl get a freaking divorce?! WAH.

  8. josh says:

    But wiffout jam y butta, toast is just hard burnt bread! The magic is in the spread.

  9. If you don’t have a chance with Ms. Hurley, at least you ass would. It’s up the scale there a bit.

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