I am very quick to cut people out of my life which is a detriment to my living it. I have zero problem and less than zero hesitancy. It doesn't matter how much I like a person. It doesn't matter who they are to me. It doesn't matter what history we have together. It's a protection mechanism which has served me, so I ain't changing my ways any time soon. Forgiveness? Not me, baby. Not who I am.

And while I have no regrets or cares about who's been cut loose, I care very much when they make it into something it's not to other people. I'm not saying I'm always blameless for the falling out (I have zero problem admitting it when it's on me) but I am tired of having to eat a shit sandwich over things I am not responsible for.

Exploiters are the people who were in my circle solely for what they could get out of me... and are still trading on that with people we share long after we were through with each other.

Liars are the people who completely misrepresent what happened and why we're no longer friends.

Martyrs are the people who take the blame that's rightfully theirs, but act like the saint for saying "I don't Dave for not wanting to be my friend," like I am a terrible person who should be forgiving them for their bullshit.

Dumbasses are the people who know full well why they're no longer in my life but play dumb to mutual people we know rather than cop to anything they might have said or done.

Assholes are people who continue to punish me for wanting nothing to do with them when their abusive shit is why I cut them out in the first place.

Conquerers are people who do whatever they can to take the mutual people in our lives away from me (which, technically, is not a problem because those people were never my friend to begin with if they fall in line like this... but it can still sting).

Annoyers are people who still try to stick to you like glue after you've made it clear you want nothing to do with them, usually by using other people to try and weasel their way back in.

Delusionals people who refuse to accept that it's over and act like nothing happened, carrying on like they didn't stab you in the back and you're still besties.

   
Today was an extraordinarily difficult day. Just writing this blog post will undoubtedly lead to more drama that I never signed up for and don't want. But for my own sanity I just can't sit here and be content to eat that sandwich.

That's not who I am either.

Given that I worked over the weekend you'd think that I'd be off to a good start for my Monday. But not so much. Most of my work issues were technical (yes, the Ubiquiti AmpliFi Alien is still a bag of shit), but I also had a pre-work run-in at the mini mart parking lot (of all places) with somebody who took issue with my masking up on the way to the door "AWWW, COME ON WITH THE MASK, BUDDY! YOU'RE NOT EVEN INSIDE!" Well, yeah dumbass... but I'm six seconds from being inside, so it seemed prudent to just mask-up on the way rather than having to stop at the door, mask-up, then go inside. Of course this idiot wasn't wearing a mask at all, so it's not like anything I could say would make a difference. So I didn't bother. Gee. I sure hope that he doesn't get Omicron.

And speaking of Omicron... they now have a timeline of three-to-four months before a specific booster is available for it. Am I going to get it even though I just got a "regular" booster back in October? Oh fuck yes I am... hopefully in time for my birthday. Because Omicron is so new, there are conflicting reports at how well the existing vaccination protects against it. Some say it does a pretty good job of diminishing COVID symptoms if you get it... others say it is not as helpful as had been hoped because it's mutated more spike proteins than the original vaccine taught our bodies to recognize. As with all things science, only time... and more data... will tell. I suppose if hospitals start getting overrun (again) we'll have our answer. All I know for sure is that I would happily get a new vaccine every quarter if it means I have a better chance of not getting seriously ill.

Or dead.

In the meanwhile? Masks actually work.

Even though apparently there are people who would rather not let you know that.

As time goes on… so many of my sad memories are fading and only the good ones with my mom are sticking in my head. As I knew they would. But then I run across a TikTok of a Scottish guy taking care of his mother with dementia and it alllllllll comes flooding back to me. I realize that the sad memories can never truly go away… but you’d think they would hurt less by now.

The one that really hit me was this one, because Paint Your Wagon was one of my mom's favorite soundtracks as well...

I sure wish I had seen more of things like this at the time I was living it. Nothing could have really made my life much easier, but I think there would have been some consolation to be had from seeing that you're not alone, and others are struggling with the same situation as you. At the time I was so overwhelmed and completely detached from reality that I never thought to look. I've been RIGHT HERE on a number of occasions...

In the end, I dealt with what was happening to the best of my abilities and did whatever I could think of to make mom's life easier as her mind started slipping away. I know she'd be grateful. I know she'd tell me how wonderful it was that I did what I did. I know this.

But I end up feeling like I failed her just the same.

I have a great deal to be thankful for.

And yet... it's tough to find a way to appreciate it in the middle of a pandemic where there are still people who are fucking things up and dragging everything out. It seriously feels like COVID is never going to end. The virus continues to mutate, and the anti-vax/anti-mask brigade doesn't seem to give a shit. Despite the fact that they are twenty times more likely to die if they contract COVID when compared to those who are vaccinated.

Oh well. All I can do is attempt to remain careful and try not to die from being one of the few breakthrough cases that happen. What else is there?

I got a notification that my iPhone trade-in was received by Apple and is in excellent condition, so my Upgrade Program return requirements are now closed and I'm good for another year. So happy that upgrading via mail works so seamlessly as opposed to the TOTAL FUCKING NIGHTMARE that ensued when I upgraded at the Apple Store. Never again.

Today I went to get my snow tires put on. It was an absolute mad-house, because we're supposed to get snow this weekend. I had made my appointment over a month-and-a-half ago, so I was covered... but apparently there was a line out the door when they opened up, so people were mad that all the walk-in appointments were gone.

Turns out that two of my tires didn't have enough tread on them, and the other two had 80%, so I ended up having to spend $268 to get the two replaced. Ouch. But... better to part with some of my sweet, sweet cash than to be unsafe on the roads. Still... ONE HUNDRED THIRTY-FOUR DOLLARS PER TIRE?!? I mean, I always go for the mid-grade stuff, nothing fancy, so how?. I could have sworn they were $68 last time, which means they've doubled in price? Yikes. Life is too expensive any more.

I am not somebody who's into fashion. Honestly I'm not. I wear jeans, T-shirts, and maybe an occasional henley or a button-down shirt.

That being said, I want a really nice light jacket and am willing to pay for it. BUT EVERY SINGLE ONE I FIND THAT I LIKE IS NOT AVAILABLE IN TALL SIZES! It's next-level frustrating. I am sick and tired of having sleeves that aren't long enough. And when I do find tall sizes, they usually have long torsos, which look silly. I'd like a fitted light jacket that ends at the waist, has long sleeves that taper, but then flare out at the wrist so I can wear gloves underneath. And I'd really like zippers on the cuffs in case I want to wear heavy gloves. And if it can look nice and not painfully plain and basic, that would be a plus.

Doesn't exist.

Which makes me really, really want to buy some patterns that I could alter so I can design and sew exactly what I want. Problem is, my sewing machine can't sew through thick fabrics... like multiple layers of denim... so I don't even know that I could do that. Even so? I'd like to try. Maybe I could design one out of regular fabric, then turn the pattern over to somebody with a capable machine or something. Because I'm not going to pay a premium price for an ill-fitting, boxy-looking, long-torso jacket any more.

And, last thought of the day... #NotAllMen...

Pretty much me, any time I start to think I have a handle on life.

I'm too tired to function and it's all TikTok's fault. As you might have guessed by the video below, I fell down another TikTok rabbit hole before bed last night.

The look on this opossum’s face kill’s me. “He fainted, so I thought I’d tell you about opossums while he wakes up!”

AND THEN THERE'S THIS...

=sigh= I pretty much live for this sort of distraction in thie pandemic world we live in.

Last night when I got home I was all excited because I was planning on cooking rice noodles with blackened green beans in a spicy sauce and had been thinking about it all day.

So there I was getting all the ingredients out and the Sriracha fell off the counter. It's in a plastic bottle, so I just ignored it while I got everything else out.

THE CAP ON THE SRIRACHA BROKE OFF AND PLASTERED MY KITCHEN WITH A SPICY BLOODBATH OF RED SAUCE!

After 20 minutes of scrubbing down my kitchen, I was like "Meh. Guess a cheese sandwich is good."

I don't even know why I try any more. This is what my life just is now.

Then this evening as I was bending over to put dinner down for Jake and Jenny, I saw that the Sriracha splashed under the counters and I still had more cleaning to do. This time when it's dried and caked on.

I really need to wrap everything I own in bubble wrap. It's the only way I'm safe in my own home.

I worked all weekend, so I woke up really early not to get a jump on my day... but to clean my house. The only thing I managed to get to yesterday was steam-cleaning the cat feeding station. That's something I do regardless of whatever else I have going on because I want to make sure Jake and Jenny stay healthy.

But anyway...

As I was scrubbing, vacuuming, and dusting, I had a Hallmark movie playing. The last thing I want is to get behind, because there's like a hundred of these things dropping from Hallmark Channel, Lifetime, Netflix, and the rest. Half-way through the movie I realized that I wasn't paying attention to what was going on. Not that you have to... most of these movies are painfully basic, redundant, and lacking anything requiring critical thinking. It's just that I'm kinda done with them. 95% of them are the same damn thing you've seen a hundred times before, and only rarely is there anything trying to be different. The only reason I didn't turn this one off is because it was starring Katee Sackhoff and I'm a fan.

Do I dare hope that I'm over my Hallmark addiction? Lord, I hope so... but probably not.

Far more interesting was this video that got forwarded to me this morning...

I don't know about you, but this is far scarier than the original Jurassic Park!

And now? I should probably go to work seeing as how it's almost 9:00am.

I was told that I would "probably die in 6 or 7 months" after I got my first COVID vaccination.

Well, as of today it's been 7 months. Apparently I'm going to need all your thoughts and prayers to live through the night. Though since I went back for the second vaccination and went back for a third time to get a booster... maybe I don't deserve to live?

MetaFilter: Living Alone in the U.S. Is Harder Than It Should Be

This article is validating.

I do not mind living alone. On the contrary, I have come to love it. I can find my own happiness without having to worry about maintaining happiness of another person, which is what has doomed all my relationships. I just can't sustain that to the level required.

My bad.

It is what it is.

But there are times that living alone is awful, and it has absolutely nothing to do with loneliness or anything mentally-related. It has everything to do with how expensive it is.

Good prices on food usually mean a two-for or three-for deal on an item that's ALREADY more than I can use. And so I buy a single pack at a far higher price than if I could afford to buy multiples. It's not that I'm bitter about it... that's the price I pay for choosing to be single. What I am bitter about is when I pay more AND GET LESS WITH IT!

Take T-Mobile, for example. If I had multiple phones on my plan, I'd get SD Netflix for free. But even though I have to pay more per line than people with multiple lines have to pay, I get less for my money. No Netflix for me. I am bitter as hell about that. I choose to be single and pay more per line. Fine. That's the cost of my choice. But to not get what families get even though I'm paying more? It's a difficult concept to process.

Oh well. I'm grateful I can afford a mobile phone at all, so I'll try to cling to that. Otherwise? Yeah, it would be nice to have help cleaning my home and sharing expenses, but I'm good.

I've got cats to keep me company, after all.