I spent my morning working.

I spent my afternoon and evening simplifying my life.

My goal is to throw away, give away, or sell half of my stuff. It's all stuff I want, but it's nothing I need, and I'm tired of boxes upon boxes of junk cluttering up my space. And though I never much thought of myself as a sentimental person, getting rid of so many things from my past has been tough. Some of this crap I've kept since childhood, and knowing it isn't going to be around anymore is sad for some reason. I rarely look at/use/play with any of it, so it really shouldn't be this hard, should it? I mean, it's just stuff sitting in boxes.

I'm lessening the blow by taking photographs of everything.

I'll probably never look at the pictures, but knowing that they're there will help with these senseless feelings of attachment I seem to have.

Hopefully once I'm done I won't replace the stuff I'm getting rid of with new crap I don't need. I really don't want to go through all this again in ten years.

Today's "Word of the Day" over at Dictionary.com is "amaranthine."

1. Unfading; everlasting. 2. Of or like the amaranth flower. 3. Of purplish-red color.

I'm a big fan of "word of the day" type sites, and bounce between Dictionary.com and Merriam-Webster.com to get my fix (M-W's word today is "diluvial"). Not that I ever remember these words again after I read them, but it's fun for the moment.

Anyway...

I bring this all up because "amaranthine" is a word I actually know in the context of "everlasting."

As in, I have dyslexia, which is amaranthine in nature.

When I was very young... 1st or 2nd grade in school... I was tested for dyslexia because I exhibited some of the symptoms. After a couple weeks evaluation it was determined that I did indeed have dyslexia, albeit a fairly mild form of it. This meant that I had to attend special classes with Mrs. Patton to teach me how to compensate for my problem. After a couple months they decided that the classes weren't doing me any good, and I was doing a better job of teaching my brain how to handle it by myself.

And eventually I got a handle on it.

I "read" more by the shapes of words and their context rather than the letters they contain.

I "type" more by memorizing patterns of keystrokes instead of punching the alphabet.

I "write" using visual clues that help me to keep the letters going the right way.

It works automatically after all these years and I don't even have to think about it. Which is not to say that I don't still run into trouble from time to time. Usually I start mixing things up when I am tired or the the words are printed on something really distracting. Single words out of context can be problematic if they're written in a typeface that doesn't maintain common letterforms. Numbers sometimes have to be looked at two and three times before I'm confident enough to act upon them. And so on.

I can go weeks... even months... at a time before I "remember" that I have dyslexia. Something will happen to draw my attention to it, and then I'll spend a couple days not being able to forget it, which is always fun.

And this morning I was "reminded" of my dyslexia again. But in a good way.

A company in the Netherlands has developed a typeface called "Dyslexie" which is specially designed to help dyslexics...

Sweet!

Unfortunately, it's not priced for public consumption (yet), nor does it seem to be available in the USA (yet), but it's still pretty exciting news. Being able to install it on my Mac for web browsing and email reading might make my day a little less mentally tiring.

And every little bit helps.

Because life isn't amaranthine at all.

"YOU'VE NEVER TRIED IT! WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW?"

Most of the time, this is a correct statement. No, I haven't eaten pig knuckles. I don't plan to ever eat pig knuckles, ever. So, yes, I know nothing about them (except that I don't ever want to eat them).

But pig knuckles are not really the kind of thing I'm talking about here. No, it's always over something I've expressed a favorable opinion on. Usually something Apple-related.

If I say that I love my iPod... "YOU'VE NEVER TRIED A ZUNE! WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW? iPODS SUCK! ZUNE RULES!!"

If I say that I love my Mac .... "YOU'VE NEVER TRIED DEBIAN LINUX! WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW? MACS SUCK! DEBIAN RULES!!"

If I say that I love my iPhone... "YOU'VE NEVER TRIED ANDROID! WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW? iPHONES SUCK! ANDROID RULES!!"

But sometimes the assumption is wrong. In the above cases, they're all wrong. I was given a Zune as a promotional item (which I hated and donated to a charity auction). I have not only used Debian, but Ubuntu, Red Hat, SCO, and several other UNIX flavors. And, as an interface designer, I've owned one Android phone and have goofed around with several others.

So whatever. People can make all the unwarranted suppositions they want. That's not my problem.

My problem is that I just don't understand why absolutely everything has to be a competition now-a-days. We're not allowed to like something unless we've tried every conceivable alternative? We can't like two things at the same time? We can't like something because it's not popular? We can't like something because it's too popular?

Maybe it's decades of bombardment by advertisers that have conditioned us to be this way. Or maybe it's just social evolution since we can't challenge each other to duels anymore. Whatever the case, it kind of sucks.

Because I like to love things.

I've been thinking a lot about the past recently, which is very much not like me. Usually I dwell on past events just long enough to learn what I can for them, then move on.

But before I get to that...

To all my Muslim friends, peace and prosperity be unto you during the holy month of Ramadan!

Ramadan is a time for reflection and rejuvenating ones soul, which is kind of where I'm at right now.

Because slipping into the past has given me a sense of being grounded at a time where I am feeling anything but grounded. I look through old photos and it's all chocolate pudding and good times. And the further back I go, the more comforting life seems...

It's hard not to be grounded in Hawaii — Maui, 1992

The ultimate place to get grounded — Phang Nga, Thailand 1998

Mona knows something about being grounded — Paris, 1999

In the past, friends and family I love who have now died are still alive.

In the past, I took things less seriously and knew how to have fun.

In the past, the world made sense and life was easier to understand.

In the past, the universe was at my feet and nothing seemed impossible.

In the past, I had overreaching goals and my path was clear.

   
Now? Not so much.

And yet... when I stop and really think about it, nothing has changed.

My friends and family who have passed on are still with me. I can set things aside and have fun while still being serious. Things don't have to always make sense for me to find my way. Something is only impossible if I lack the imagination to achieve it. Realistic goals can still show me the path I need to follow.

It's always been this way, I just need to remember.

Because we so rarely take photos of the bad times, hindsight is 20/20, and its all too easy to view the past with rose-colored glasses.

Which means that one day I will look back on this moment and see that life was actually pretty amazing.

At least I sure hope so.

People can make fun of Amy Winehouse and mock her death as much as they want. It won't change the fact that she was a remarkable artist who created music that a great many people, including myself, really loved. A month ago I was lamenting that she hadn't come out with a new album in five years and was crossing my fingers that something would be released soon. Now, it saddens me greatly that anything we get... if anything at all... will be released posthumously.

I am not going to deny that she had serious problems and did some crazy shit. Amy was a very troubled and tortured person, and dealt with it the best way she knew how. Unfortunately that involved a lot of abusive behavior that would be tough for anybody to survive. But not one bit of it made me enjoy her music any less. Because no matter how out-of-control and batshit crazy she was in her personal life, in her songs she made perfect sense.

I'd say that I will miss her music, but the truth is her music isn't going anywhere. I just wish so badly she would have stuck around to make more of it. And, on that note, my favorite of so many favorites...

The rest of my day was $600 in repair costs for my car's brakes.

Hanging out with my sister on a flawless afternoon.

Meeting up with some remarkable Pacific Northwest bloggers.

Life is the bittersweet joy and hurt of it all. I am so incredibly blessed to have friends and family to make even my worst days good again.

Oh how I wish Amy Winehouse could have found the same.

So the reviews are in and Green Lantern sucks. Crap. I was really looking forward to it.

Almost as much as I'm not looking forward to buying new headphones to replace my recently trashed pair of earbuds.

Which brings us to the top three things I most hate to buy...

• Cars. This is a pretty obvious answer. Everybody hates buying a new car, mostly because it's so damn expensive. And no matter how much research you do and no matter how good a deal you think you've negotiated, you always end up feeling like you got screwed. And you probably did. One company which did things a little differently was Saturn, where the price was fixed. I was so thrilled at the prospect of not having to negotiate with a car salesman that I actually ended up buying one of Saturn's piece-of-shit cars, so that should tell you just how much I hate car shopping.
• Condoms. Like this is any big surprise. Not only do I never seem to have any clue which of the fifty million varieties of condoms I should buy, I then have to pay for them. Which usually involves an awkward exchange with a girl half my age at the check-out register where the very act of buying them seems to scream "Yeah, I'm buying condoms! Wanna have sex with me?" At which point I feel I should let her know that I'm not inappropriately asking her for sex... usually by explaining that the condoms are for my cat.*
• Headphones. Some people say televisions are the most difficult electronics appliance to purchase. These people are insane. Or they've never had to buy headphones before. Because absolutely nothing is more subjective than people's opinion on whether a given pair of headphones are worth a crap. Sorting through headphone reviews is futile, because everybody listens to different music and everybody has an opinion as to how it should sound. One person says there's no bass... another person says the bass is too heavy. One person says they're the most comfortable headphones they've ever tried... another person says they're so horribly uncomfortable that they can't wear them for more than 10 minutes without pain. One person says they are worth every penny... another person says they are way overpriced and you'd get better value elsewhere. And so on. There's never a consensus, and I hate that. I hate it so much that I usually just buy the cheapest headphones I can find. That way, even if I hate them, at least I didn't blow a lot of money. The down-side is that all my music sounds like shit.

So I guess my nightmare scenario would be having to prepare for a night of protected sex in the back seat of my new car while listening to music in my new headphones.

But how often does that happen?

Not nearly often enough.

   
* Hey, it could be true**... according to Debbie Downer, feline AIDS is the number one killer of domestic cats!

** Except for the fact that I don't have a cat.

For people like me who believe that everything happens for a reason, life can be a bit puzzling from time to time. Especially when something bad happens. A part of you is going "Well this sucks! But it apparently needed to happen, so here we are." While another part of you is going "What the fuck did I ever do to deserve this shit?"

Today I was saying "What the fuck?" quite a lot.

Which is to say that I understand that everything happens for a reason, I just refuse to accept it (albeit temporarily).

Hoping for a better day tomorrow.

After my breakfast fiasco yesterday, I decided to set a good example and have a bowl of fruit with a croissant this morning. The kids outside waiting for their school bus were not nearly as impressed and mostly ignored me. Which is probably for the best, though I have to admit that I was tempted to build a massive ice cream sundae topped with candy bars and gummy bears for breakfast just because I could.

But anyway...

The last day of a project is always the longest. And since I'm mentally and physically exhausted, it's also the toughest. I spent most of the time at work wishing I could curl up in the corner and go to sleep but, from a job standpoint, that probably wasn't the best use of my time. Instead I worked my guts out and just waited for it all to end.

Which it did.

Eventually.

But then I had to suffer through Seattle's horrendous traffic, which is like somebody kicking you in the balls after you've just been kicked in the balls.

No amount of ice cream can fix that.

Though I suppose ice cream spread on your crotch would make you feel better after an actual kick in the balls?

The healing power of ice cream is undeniable.

Sometimes when the sheer vastness of my greatness overwhelms me, I like to stop for a minute and get grounded. I look past all the amazing things that make me "me" and take notice of those little things that make me feel less "me."

Which would be a humbling and amazing experience if I could actually think of anything like that. But I can't, because I am overflowing with awesomeness right now. Not much can bring you down when you're high on being me.

Which is not to say that people haven't been trying...

But whatever...

Maybe tomorrow the assholes, dumbfucks, trolls, losers, morons, and haters will take me down a notch...

...but not today.