Jenny likes a vigorous massage. Earlier this week she was complaining because I was half-assing it, focusing more on my work than her. So I used two hands to really rough her up... and she went bananas.

BELLY RUBS AND BUTT SCRATCHES AT THE SAME TIME?!? MORE!!!

Boy was that a mistake. Now she complains when she doesn't get two hands! She meows. She looks at me in disgust. She paces back and forth next to me.

But since I have to work, I've just gotten better and making sure she gets a good one-handed massage and that seems to be okay...

But sometimes I can't resist that sour little face, so I give in and give her that full-body two-hand massage she loves. What a hit to my productivity!

A couple people have been asking for an update on Fake Jake. He's still doing fine... though apparently he doesn't want to sleep inside my neighbor's house much any more. I guess now that the most bitter days of winter are behind us, he prefers his freedom and sleeping in the shelter I made for him. The old warming pad was dying, so I installed a new one that is at 65° when he's off it and gets up to 80° when he's sleeping on it, so he's pretty comfy...

We've had rain which has created a thick enough crust that Fake Jake can walk on it, so I went out and made sure there's no bird feed left out in the open to lure birds for him to attack...

So... all-in-all he's not doing bad at all. I still worry about there being no heat from above when he sleeps, and I know the cold will be harder on him as he gets older, so I think for next winter I will build something to address that. Maybe even find a way to build a caged run in my garage that he can enter that would make sure he doesn't get run over? I dunno. I've got the whole summer to think about it!

Even though Jake and Jenny can't really go anywhere outside the house except the catio, they are still seem restless and feeling trapped because out every window is nothing but snow. Every once in a while they will go out and meow at it just because... but, for their sakes, I'm anxious for Spring to arrive.

And for my sake.

With each passing day, it seems as though my cats are looking more and more like they want to eat me...

It's The Shining all over again.

And now I leave you with... KITTENS! (here's a link if TikTok is being a dick)...

Times like this I feel like I need another cat.

This morning while I was working I decided to have New Carl vacuum the house. But first I had to pick up a few things, including the big cardboard box that my cats have been playing in this past week off-and-on. I set it on the sofa and almost immediately Jenny climbed up and jumped inside it. Then she wanted to see out... went towards the side that was on the edge of the couch and... well... there she went. It was hysterical. It started so slowly. She realized she was moving, her little ears laid back flat, her eyes opened wide, and you could see she was trying to process what was happening. Just before the box hit the floor, she hopped out... nearly landing on Jake who walked in to see what the ruckus was about. She was not happy.

My cats are growing more different from each other.

When I am on a Zoom call, Jenny comes walking up meowing and wants to be petted. Then she'll sit and stare at me until my call is over...

Jake waits too... but from a safer distance...

Jenny comes in after breakfast and wants to nap next to me, but she insists on belly rubs while she falls asleep...

Jake just wants to curl up next to me and fall immediately asleep...

In other cat news, Jenny spotted some birds outside and went running to the catio at top speed. They eventually flew off, and she laid there waiting for them to come back, which must have been cold with her belly on the frozen concrete...

Eventually she gave up and came inside so she could thaw out on a warming pad.

And lastly, I leave you with this. Kinda reminds me of how Jenny used to plop down and watch TV with me... completely absorbed by what was happening on the screen...

Jake has never really been into television. No idea why.

2022 may be feeling even worse than 2021, but I'm still spitting out those bullets... because an all new 2021 RETROSPECTIVE Bullet Sunday starts... now...

   
• Pizza! As anybody who's been reading Blogography for any amount of time knows, I've been searching for a decent frozen pizza for decades. And in 2021 I've finally found one. It's Red Baron Fully Loaded Five Cheese Pizza!

The sauce it great. The crust is amazing. The amount of cheese is a little excessive, but perfectly acceptable. Put it all together and it's the best frozen pizza I've ever had. With a caveat! As good as it tastes fresh out of the oven, it tastes horrible once it's gone cold. And reheating it in the microwave or oven does not bring it back. I've been sawing them in half and cooking only half and a time so I can eat the remainder at its best as well.

   
• Potato! As somebody who loves fries, I usually end up making them from scratch out of freshly-cut potatoes that I soak, pre-cook, freeze, then fry to get the best tasting ones I can get. But that's a horrible amount of work. So whenever I see a new frozen fries product, I give it a try. Usually I spray them with oil then put them in the rotisserie basket of my air fryer and they turn out okay. But in 2021 I discovered "McCains Quick Cook Fries." And they are a world different from anything else on the market...

The secret of the reason they cook "quick" with no flipping is that they are coated in oil. This is not a new trick. Ore-Ida did this years ago. But, for whatever reason, McCain's fries taste far better. Even though they do lie about the timing. Even when I preheat my oven, it takes closer to 20 minutes than the 13 minutes they advertise to get perfectly-cooked fries. Usually I don't bother to preheat. I just put them in and set the timer for 25 minutes. Bliss. Their crinkle-cut fries are so good that I'd rather have them that restaurant fries. Possibly even more than my own hand-cut fries! A half-bag is the perfect serving size for me and I anticipate eating a lot of these things in 2022.

   
• Sustained! I have been really trying to minimize waste more in 2021, recycling whatever I can and eliminating disposable plastics from my life. It's the least I can do, even though it's a ridiculously small dent in the amount of pollution produced (corporations are vastly more responsible than individuals, but convince people it's not their fault). One of the bigger steps I took was to stop buying Saran Wrap (plastic wrap). I used to go through a couple boxes every year, but the one I bought back in March will hopefully be my last. I've also greatly reduced the number of plastic bags I've been buying. My favorite replacement is "BioBag" products which decompose quite quickly in a landfill. They're expensive as hell though, so I've also brought "brown paper bag" sandwich bags for regular use...

They work great! But I also buy Reynolds wax paper bags for things that get sloppy (like the veggie burger with extra mayo I eat on my morning commute!). Or when I'm out of brown bags (like I am now). They have little stickers to keep them closed, which probably makes them bad for the environment, but they are fun to pack for lunch....

Wax paper doesn't biodegrade like raw paper (or BioBags), but it does biodegrade better than plastic. And uses more natural materials, so I'm chalking that up as a win (even though I'm trying to use them less and less since biodegradable bags are better). The best solution seems to be using glass containers with plastic lids which you can wash and reuse for years, so I've bought more Pyrex as well. Maybe one day they will come up with lids that aren't plastic but, in the meanwhile, they have lasted me over a decade so far, which is far less than if I were using plastic bags.

   
• Apples to Apples to Apples! This past year was a tough year for me financially because Apple ended up getting so much of my money. But boy was it money well-spent! My new iMac M1 is a (relatively) inexpensive Mac that flies through even my most demanding work. Despite it being on the low-end of the spectrum, it's the best desktop Mac I've ever owned. Then I traded in for the iPhone Pro Max 13, which is the best phone I've ever owned (and the heaviest). Then I traded in for the MacBook Pro M1 Max. Legit the best computer I've ever owned. And my favorite. Not even a contest...

It is ridiculously fast and powerful, has incredible battery life, and is an absolute joy to work with. THIS is the kind of "pro" computer Apple should have been making for the past decade instead of the form-over-function bullshit they were married to. The weird thing is that this MacBook is still really beautiful despite being constructed for function over form. Yet "curviness" was more important than power to Apple for a decade, so that was what we got. Blergh. Hopefully they won't slide back to old habits. The wild acclaim for this computer by pundits and customers alike should tell them they are finally on the right track.

   
• Travel-less! It has been genuinely strange going from dozens of trips each year to zero in 2020 and one in 2021. Unless some miracle cure arrives which eradicates COVID from the face of the earth, I'm expecting the same for 2022. Because right now I have no plans to go anywhere. But still, that one trip I did take during Delta but pre-Omicron reminded me of what "normal" is like. Even though I was masked most of the time...

So maybe after they announce a fourth booster I will make a trip just to remember what "normal" used to be like? If I do, it will probably be a trip to San Francisco because that's where my tattoo artist is, and I've been wanting new ink for years now. Fingers crossed.

   
• Kitty! Once again the thing that saved me in 2021 were my cats. Even at times when I was at my lowest and didn't care about myself, I always cared about them. In 2021 Jenny learned to manipulate me better than in previous years, coming up with an entire menu of meows and behaviors to get what she wants. Jake and I have conversations now. He meows (or tries to) and I meow back. Then we go back and forth for a while. I have no idea what I'm saying, but it must be interesting enough to him that he feels a need to respond!

   
• Betty! I'm still crushed. I've been avoiding social media and the news so I'm not seeing news about her death over and over. What a shitty end to a shitty year.

   
• Boosted! I've had people sneer at me for getting boosted, saying that the COVID vaccine obviously doesn't work if you need to get a booster... "WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? GET BOOSTER SHOTS FOREVER??" And the answer is yes. Fuck yes. Because there are mountains of data showing that staying current with vaccinations vastly reduces incidents of serious illness, hospitalization, and death. MOUNTAINS OF DATA! So give me all the shots. This is no different than getting a flu shot every year. Except COVID mutates so fast and the vaccine is so new that we may end up getting two boosters a year instead of one. As the science gets better, the boosters will get better. Eventually we may even have the option for a combo flu/COVID booster, and I will take that shot. 1000% I will take it. I have faith in the science which has given us so much. There's a learning process which goes along with scientific research, and I am happy to be a part of it. I have cats to take care of, after all.

   
So... yeah. Not a lot else happened in 2021, so I guess that's it. Pizza, fries, sandwich bags, Apple stuff, one trip, cats, the passing of a legend, and COVID. Not a banner year, to be sure.

Tonight while I was waiting for my dinner to get out of the oven, I glanced into the kitchen after I heard Jake and Jenny romping around in that direction. To my horror, I saw Jake on top of the kitchen counter. This is exceedingly rare. The only thing I will (gently) yell at my cats for is to get off the counters. After a couple years, they finally get the message, and just don't do it. I have a motion alert from my cameras that tells me when they've been up there so I know to sanitize and steam clean them... but it hasn't gone of in months. Probably even a year now.

So seeing Jake up there was pretty shocking.

And after I (gently) yelled at him to get down twice (I don't ever scream at my cats... just raising my voice a little is enough for them to get the message), I was disappointed that he was still up there.

So I walk into the kitchen to shoo him down and...

...it wasn't Jake. I left my backpack on the counter. Which is apparently Jake-shaped from a distance.

And now I felt bad, so I found him cowering in the guest bedroom and told him how sorry I was and gave him lots of pets so he would know that I wasn't mad at him. I was mad at me, apparently.

I ordered some things from Amazon that I couldn't get locally. It all came in a nice big box with a long string of packing pillows, so I was sure to set it out for the cats. They both love a nice-sized box filled with packing pillows. Jake just likes to stand around in there looking at everything. Jenny will jump in and smack all the pillows around and roll around like a maniac. It's adorable. The excitement usually wears off after a few days but, in the meanwhile, something new to do that's indoors where it's warm! They go out in the catio from time to time, but never for more than a few minutes now that the temperature gets below freezing.

A box. Best toy money can buy!

Christmas pushed by Saturday and Bullet Sunday posts... again this week.

Today's drive over the pass to get home was a little better than my drive over on Thursday. About 50% less terrifying maybe? Though there were still plenty of emergency vehicles and ambulances blowing past me in both directions thanks to numerous asshole drivers out there driving like maniacs... going way too fast for conditions and spinning out of control.

Still... kinda pretty though...

The cats were very happy to have me home. Mostly because I decided to give them some treats to hold them over until dinner. But which one? I currently have six different flavors...

I ended up going with Salmon, which is their favorite I think. It's the least I can do since I abandoned them for the past three nights.

On a most decidedly sad day for me (my mom's birthday) my cats have been working overtime to distract me. They've been chasing each other around the house ALL. MORNING. NOW. and it's driving me a little crazy. No idea what's gotten into them, but I'm glad they're getting their exercise in, I guess. And so it's Caturday a day late today.

Thanks to my electric blanket, both cats are spending any time I'm working in bed (the warmest spot in the house) laying next to me. Jenny, who is usually majorly annoyed when Jake intrudes on our morning time seemed all to happy to have one more warm body around. Even though Jake literally walked over her to lay down...

Jenny is unhappy, however, when Jake arrives first...

Jenny gets upset a lot this time of year. She's very upset when I am taking a Zoom call instead of working in bed, for example. Fortunately, she's just fine with it is I'm giving her some attention while I Zoom...

Amazing how Jenny's adorable little sour face still hasn't changed after six years...

Just like Jake's appetite hasn't changed. He still investigates every single meal I make... even if he just finished eating minute before...

Oh well. Consistency is a good thing when it comes to cats, I suppose.

Since Jenny was little, she's always brushed up against my leg as I put her food down... like she's thanking me or something. Jake is too busy scarfing his meal to thank me, but I'm sure he's grateful. Last night my phone fell out of my pocket as I was bending over and it scared her so bad that she ran off and hid. Eventually she came back to eat, but this morning at breakfast she kept her distance until I left. I felt pretty bad about it and was wondering if she'd ever trust me again. But then tonight she was back to rubbing up against me, so I guess she's forgotten about the Friday Dinner Disaster.

Or not?

   
And before I go... here's a gem to make your holiday brighter! (here's a link in case TikTok is being a dick)...

Yeah, I think we're done here.

Believe it or not, Jake and Jenny's sixth birthday is this coming Monday!

Two kittens I got to keep my mom occupied while I was at work have become more of a fixture in my home than my furniture! It seems like just yesterday that I brought them home from the shelter... little confused and terrified balls of fuzz that hid under the couch for weeks... only coming out to eat after we'd gone to bed.

But eventually...

Now they're still terrified of strangers... and sometimes terrified of me... but they own the place, and they know it. Just look at the adorable little assholes that run my life...

I wouldn't have it any other way. Happy birthday!

As I've mentioned several times now... Jake can't meow. He can cry, but any attempt to meow just ends up in a squeak or a squawk. I always react as if he just meowed his head off because I don't want for him to feel bad, but sometimes it's pretty soft and difficult to hear, so I've trained myself to listen for it.

Unlike Jenny, who has an entire menu of meows to choose from. An impatient meow is different from an excited meow is different from an upset meow is different from an angry meow is different from a frustrated meow. And I've gotten to the point where I can apply context and understand exactly what the issue is baed on which meow I get.

But Jenny doesn't meow a lot. Sometimes she'll go for days... maybe even weeks.

Not so with Jake.

My little guy, if he could meow, would be meowing several times a day.

Most of his squeaks-that-would-be-meows are just getting my attention. Squeaks to let me know tha the dinner alarm is going off (in case I didn't hear it). Squeaks to let me know that he wants attention as I walk by. Squeaks to greet me when I walk up to him. Squeaks to greet me when I walk into a room.

It's actually kinda adorable.

Which is nothing new, because I think that most everything my cats do is adorable.