Despite being a certified Apple whore, I have never hesitated to call out their "smart voice assistant" as being stupid as shit. And even that's being generous. I wrote sometime last year that I was seriously excited that Apple Intelligence was coming to smarten Siri up and make the technology finally be consistently useful.

Well, I think we all know how that turned out.

I've been in on Apple's take on AI since the developer's beta, and Siri is stupid as ever. Absolutely nothing has changed. Basic commands fail at an alarming rate. Trying to get Siri to understand anything is a challenge. I have gotten so frustrated at times that I've been screaming at an iPod mini in the bathroom while getting ready for work... or into my iPhone in my pocket from my AirPods... or at CarPlay while driving.

Just today I asked Siri via CarPlay to get me directions to the grocery store in Big City. I knew where it was, but wanted the fastest route from where I was at. I asked, very specifically, for the store I wanted. Siri still gave me two options... one in the next city over that was farther away... which is absolute madness. After having to tap the screen for the one I wanted because I didn't know how the fuck you vocally tell Siri which option to use when you've already given it the literal city and street, Apple Maps sent me in the opposite fucking direction. So I gave up and told Siri to "cancel navigation." After a seriously long pause, Siri said that it couldn't do that right now, then proceeded to keep giving me directions to the wrong store. And it's like... what, exactly, the fuck do you have to do to just get Siri to send you to the fucking store that you asked for in the first place?

I was so fucking enraged by the time I made two taps on the screen to cancel the wrong directions that I very nearly punched my finger through the damn screen. Siri is fucking useless and Apple "Intelligence" is a fucking joke.

The problem is magnified exponentially when you're attempting to get Siri to take control of shitty fucking Apple tech like HomeKit. My God. How basic of a command is "Hey Siri, turn off the kitchen lights?" that Siri doesn't know what in the hell to do? How big of a fucking failure is your technology if the most rudimentary commands can't be interpreted?

And it ain't just me. This story on Daring Fireball is pathetically hilarious: Siri Is Super Dumb and Getting Dumber.

Yep. That pretty much sums it up.