My days of running out and upgrading to Apple's latest and greatest are apparently over.

Because I've never been so overwhelmingly meh about a keynote that I can remember.

iPhone Pro Max 17
It's not that I wouldn't love to upgrade my 16 Pro Max to the latest model... I've always upgraded because of the cameras, and the improvements there are very nice indeed. 48MP cameras across the board on the rear, allowing for even more amazing "deep fusion" photos. A longer zoom. A 56% bigger sensor. Better low-light performance. Yes to all of that. And if I were still traveling regularly, I'd probably jump at it. But I'm not. I mostly take photos of my cats, and I can do that just fine with what I've got now. Everything else that's new doesn't mean much to me. My existing battery life, CPU speed, screen, enclosure, and the rest are already more than I already utilize. And what Apple "Intelligence" features I got in the year since they were supposed to be included on the 16 Pro don't impress me at all. I never use them because they're crap. I do like the orange color, having been dying for a Pro model that isn't drab and boring like we always used to get.

iPhone Air
I guess if all you wanted was a super thin and light iPhone, this is the model for you. But I want a phone for the camera, which is to say that this is not the phone for me.

iPhone 17
I guess if all you wanted was a less expensive iPhone Pro, this is the model for you. But I want a phone for the camera, which is to say that this is not the phone for me.

Apple Watch Series 11
And once again Apple has not released a (PRODUCT)RED watch, so I guess I'll be hanging onto my Series 9. Again. It's so fucking rage-inducing that Apple won't even give us a (PRODUCT)RED case for our phones any more. Does Apple think that AIDS is over or what? But anyway... the only thing I want from the new model is the hypertension monitor but, knowing me, it would probably be on high alert all day long. So maybe I'm better off without it.

Apple Watch Ultra 3
Even if the size wasn't total overkill for me, the feature set would be. I'd make an exception if I were into the activities that the watch was designed for, but I'm just... not.

AirPods Pro 3
Even though these are the newest AirPods, you'd be forgiven for thinking they weren't given how there's AirPods 4 out there already. Regardless, Apple seems to be basing the price on how good the noise cancelation is. None is $129. Active is $179. World's Best Active is $249 (with Live Translation tossed in). I think the AirPods I own are the original Pro models, and they are still everything I need. Except the battery life is tanking, making them soon-to-be-unuseable. Which I'm sure is exactly what Apple is counting on... built in time bomb so you have to purchase new ones. Just like my Beats that died. At this point I think I'd rather go back to corded.

And so... guess I'm saving my money this time.

Even though it means I'm losing my Certified Apple Whore™ cred.