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Replicate

Posted on Friday, December 10th, 2010

Dave!This morning on the way to work I stopped by the mini-mart so I could pick up a package Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. For some reason, I woke up craving Reese's, and I knew that I'd spend my entire day being distracted by my desire if I didn't just give in and buy the dang things.

But since it's kind of silly to be eating candy first thing in the morning, I decided to hold off a bit. So I set the Reese's aside and started work. Sure enough, all I could think about all morning was eating those dang peanut butter cups. I finally relented around 10:30 so I could get on with my life...

   

Reese's Peanut Butter Cups Candy

Except...

The delicious peanut butter centers of my Reese's were dried out. So instead of rich, creamy peanut butter, I ended up with some kind of chalky peanut butter-flavored residue in there. Blech. Now not only did I have to force myself to eat this crummy excuse for a candy bar, I was still craving a good Reese's Peanut Butter Cup.

This got me to thinking about Star Trek. Well, not the the REAL Star Trek, but the Captain Picard-infused Next Generation version of Star Trek. On this show they are blessed with an amazing bit of technology awesomeness called a "replicator." You simply tell it what you want, and it materializes it out of thin air...

DAVETOON: Star Trek Lil' Dave Says TEA. EARL GREY. HOT.

DAVETOON: Star Trek Replicator is Glowing!

DAVETOON: Hot Earl Grey Tea Appears in the Star Trek Replicator!!

But that's not even the most amazing part.

When you think about it, the amazing part is that whatever you get out of the replicator is going to be perfect. Every damn time!

Because when they program the thing, they're not going to program it with a crappy cup of hot Earl Grey tea... they're going to program the most amazing fucking cup of hot Earl Grey tea ever made. And that's exactly what you're going to get each and every time. Because, technically, you're getting the SAME cup of tea each time.

And, of course, when they program in Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, they'll program a freshly-made bar right off the line with a flawlessly delicious and creamy center.

The list goes on and on. Ever grab a handful of almonds only to have one of them taste like it's going rancid? Not in Star Trek! Ever take a big bite out of an apple only to find it has water-core and tastes like crap? Not in Star Trek! Ever burn the toast? Not in Star Trek! These people not only know the miracle of getting food to appear out of thin air... they don't know what imperfect food tastes like! Everything they ever eat is sublimely perfect. There's never any nasty surprises.

It's like the most amazing thing ever... consistently perfect food.

After flying cars and lightsabers, I'll take a replicator please.

And a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup.

Tags: , , ,
Categories: DaveToons 2010, Food 2010Click To It: Permalink
   

Comments

  1. shiny says:

    I only hope the future will have replicators like on Star Trek rather that the Nutrimat mat machine in “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.” I’d hate to receive a liquid from a machine that is “almost, but not entirely, unlike tea.”

  2. Tracy says:

    I hate it when I break down and indulge my craving for something that’s sucky…like craving fries, and then getting a cold batch, or one time I broke down and got a Snickers, only to find out that it was severely out of date and all nasty inside. FAAAAAIL.

  3. A. Lewis says:

    “…Think long and hard about what it feels like to devour that candy bar — and you will devour less of it….

  4. Dude! I had a craving for reese’s cups and bought a bag of holiday mini’s from the store. Hey, it was on sale. They tasted like they were from 2 Christmases ago!! EEEEEWWWWWWW!

    Hate that. :(

  5. Sybil Law says:

    A transporter and a replicator – hellz yes.

  6. Winter says:

    I’m in love with the dark chocolate Reese’s. Now, I want one fiercely. Thanks for that, Dave! ;)

  7. Hilly says:

    Cupcake.
    Lemon Drop.
    Cupcake Royale.

    Make it so, number one!

  8. kapgar says:

    We might have to replicate you since you made yourself a red-shirted ensign and, therefore, doomed to death. Way to go.

  9. claire says:

    That’s why I never got into Reese’s peanut butter cups.

    Of course, they do have eps where the replicators go on the fritz on occasion. Jean Luc is never happy when his tea goes awry. :)

  10. Now I want a replicator. I wonder if it’s more obtainable than a time machine made from a DeLorean?

    I’ve always liked the dark chocolate Reese’s since they’ve been available.

  11. Yum. This makes me remember back to when I worked for Nestle. The only way I’ll ever let a 100 Grand bar pass these lips is when it’s fresh off the production line… Amazing!

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