2010 -> AUDIO -> VIDEO -> DAVE

And now, at long last, comes that one entry for people who are curious as to what I've been up to, but only like to read one blog post a year. All-in-all, it was not a terrible end to the decade. Picking and choosing all the good stuff that happened in 2010 (out of a blog that is already picking and choosing all the good stuff) kind of makes me think it was a great year. Alas, I know better, as there were boatloads of crap I had to deal with that never end up at Blogography. Oh well. It's okay to pretend, isn't it?

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JANUARY

• Realized the right tool for the job won't actually get me a free date with Elizabeth Hurley.

• Opened my big mouth and got the entire wine-connoisseur world pissed at me.

• AND NOW, FROM THE BLOGGER WHO BROUGHT YOU PENIS SALAD...

• Found out that somebody stole my monkey.

• Found a vagina on the sidewalk.

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FEBRUARY

• Discovered that Canadians are responsible for the pussification of America, and showed them how REAL AMERICANS GET SHIT DONE!!

• Seattle FINALLY got a Hard Rock Cafe, and I got my 125th visit.

• Released my medical findings on a cure for the common cold to Twitter (and so much more).

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MARCH

• That Crasher Squirrel has been showing up everywhere...

• Just like Lindsay Lohan's cootchie...

• Took my annual Birthday Vacation and ended up in Dutchyland, and Brussels, and Bucharest, and Transylvania, and Prague.

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APRIL

• Explained why Roger Ebert is WRONG about video games not being art.

• Talked shit... LITERALLY.

• Attended THE blogging event of the year... TEQUILACON 2010 VANCOUVER!

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MAY

• Went to New York for a-ha's farewell tour and to hang out with awesome people while Betty White made her Emmy-winning SNL appearance.

• Remembered a friend.

• Got the tackiest phone call ever.

• Took a dump on Lost and then went out for pizza with RW, which ended up having far-reaching consequences you'll find out about later this year.

• Summed up my position on the BP oil spill.

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JUNE

• Saw the Worst. Movie. Ever.

• WAY TO GO BLACKHAWKS!!

• Had more fun than should legally be allowed at Bitchsterdam 2!

• Rush Limbaugh is a vile piece of shit.

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JULY

• Saw one of the best episodes of television ever (thank you Steven Moffat, The BBC, and Dr. Who!). I can honestly say that I think this is the only time I cried in all of 2010.

• Sarah Palin is a fucking idiot.

• Went on a tour of the USA with stops in Hollywood, San Diego for Comic Con, and Atlanta for Watermelon Beer, and Tulsa, and Kansas, and Chicago.

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AUGUST

• Explained to haters who don't like being referred to as a hater that they kind are.

• Paid a visit to mah Hilly-Sue and FooDiddy in Sacramento.

• Got a visit from Muskrat and Whit in Seattle.

• Was inspired beyond my ability to express by the final words of a legend.

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SEPTEMBER

• Took a Mediterranean vacation and saw such remarkable places as Barcelona, and Malta, and Tunisia, and The Amalfi Coast, and Rome, and Portofino, and Corsica, and Monaco. As if all that wasn't enough, I got to have breakfast with Mickey Mouse!

• Remembered The Golden Rule and became the biggest evil dumbass inhuman monster of them all.

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OCTOBER

• Nearly crapped myself watching a television show.

• Partied down in rural Wisconsin... a good place to be!

• Got all poitical for a minute.

• Wore purple for a very important cause...

• Went to Albuquerque to gamble away my money at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino there.

• Found out my iPhone can take some pretty decent photos if I bother to stop and look around because there's an app for that...

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NOVEMBER

• Went back to Atlanta, this time for Pumpkin Beer and good friends... then a tour of THE WALKING DEAD!

• Took a look at porn and handjobs in the interest of airport security.

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DECEMBER

• Got into the CALM Act...

• Want to know where to go on vacation? Here are some of my suggestions!.

• "Take your stupid war and go fuck yourself with it."

• Took some pictures in the snow.

• Took on stupid bitches and the law, and went ape-shit over net-neutrality, and was shocked as hell by a moment of lucidity from Pat Robertson.

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And that was pretty much what happened with me in 2010. How about you?

Hope your 2011 is a good one, and thanks for reading!