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Posted on Friday, October 22nd, 2010

Dave!I am thinking that I have somehow acquired the power of invisibility.

Here is a series of tweets that I sent out YESTERDAY...

ASSHOLES! It's a SIMPLE CONCEPT... Pedestrian crossings are CLEARLY MARKED. SLOW DOWN AND LOOK before gunning through a crosswalk! So STUPID! I'm going to start carrying a gun. The next time somebody tries to run me down in a crosswalk, I'll fuck their shit up seriously.

I was joking about buying a gun, Buddhist precepts forbid me from owning one, but now I'm wishing I had bought the damn thing. Because today as I was crossing the street, I was actually hit while crossing at a crosswalk with a full-on WALK signal giving me the right of way. This is the SECOND time that I've been dropped while crossing the street (the first time was Chicago, which I wrote about here).

Thanks to my previous incident, I don't charge out into the street when the light turns to WALK... I wait a second to be sure nobody is running a light, THEN start walking. But it didn't matter, I still got nailed. And I never saw the car coming. I think they ran a red light, because I don't recall a car exiting the parking lot beside me... but they very well could have zoomed out and I didn't notice. I was a good three steps into the street when the Honda Element suddenly appeared in front of me. I'm thinking the passenger-side mirror grazed me, then I twisted so that the left-side of my upper body hit the car. I then tried to twist away from the vehicle, but my foot was planted, so all I did was end up twisting my ankle and pulling muscles in my leg and back.

One more step into the crosswalk and I would have been seriously injured.

Or dead.

I stood in the middle of the street and screamed at her to stop, but she didn't stop.

I then hobbled across the street and ran down the sidewalk to catch up to her as she came to a stop at another light. First I took a photo of her license plate (SURPRISE! It was a vanity plate!), then I started screaming at her again while waving my arms. She never even looked at me. I have no idea if she saw me or was just ignoring me, but she drove off the minute that light turned green...

The Honda Element that hit me!

I don't get it.

Whether she broke the law and ran a red light to nail me or not... it just doesn't matter. She wasn't fucking paying attention. She's speeding along in a 3500-pound death-mobile and didn't even check to see if there was somebody in the crosswalk as she barreled through. I don't think she was texting on a mobile phone, but she was definitely distracted by something.

Whatever. if somebody can't focus well enough while driving... or if they just don't give a fuck... they have no business being on the road in the first place. Did I mention that I could have ended up dead?

So I reported her to the police. First I emailed the photo. Then I went to the station and filed a verbal report. Then I sent a follow-up email to the officer in charge of my case with a written statement, photos, and a map. In the past I've just screamed and posted some profanity-laden tweets when somebody tries to perform vehicular manslaughter on my ass. But not this time. Because this is getting insane. I mean, seriously, TWICE IN TWO DAYS?!? It's no longer safe to be a pedestrian on the street! It doesn't matter how careful you are or whether you use crosswalks and follow signal lights. It just doesn't matter. Every time you're near a street without a vehicle protecting you, you're nothing more than a moving target waiting to be hit...

DAVETOON: Lil' Dave with a target on his shirt.

This is not rocket science. Operating a motor vehicle requires your total attention. If you're not willing to devote that kind of energy into being safe on the road, then DON'T FUCKING DRIVE! Otherwise, it's only a matter of time before you kill or seriously injure somebody.

And it will probably be me.

Tags: , , ,
Categories: DaveLife 2010, DaveToons 2010Click To It: Permalink


  1. Angella says:

    DUDE. Glad you’re OK. 🙂

  2. I feel your pain…. literally! When I was in college, I was biking to the off campus bookstore to gather supplies for my first ever semester in the big scary world. I was actually on the sidewalk, going with traffic when BANG! I was run OVER by a car going in an out, blowing through a stop sign that was posted at the actual exit, and completely disregarding the right of way pedestrians have on a FUCKING SIDEWALK!!!!

    I ended up under the front end of the car driven by a moron dude who was trying to impress his girlfriend. If my bike hadn’t curled around me in just the right way… I would have died. As it was, I only ended up with cuts and bruises, but when I got back to my dorm I looked at my t-shirt, I saw the tread marks where the car tire stopped just short of running over my arm! And the kid didn’t even care. I hoped he got some sort of dire punishment for almost ending my life and dreams, but I am quite sure he just got a ticket for failure to yield right of way. Sigh….

  3. claire says:

    Yikes. I’m glad you’re not seriously injured, but wtf (not you, her)? I’m very glad you reported her.

  4. Finn says:

    Holy crap! I hope you’re OK. Have you been to a doctor?

    What is the matter with people? It’s like there’s no one else in the world except for them.


  5. A. Lewis says:

    sweet buddhist jesus in the morning….you need a dose of the yoga class that I’ve just returned from. and, believe me, I need it badly.

  6. Sybil Law says:

    Holy shit!!
    I am ecstatic you’re okay! So unbelievable!
    I almost got hit once – and I slammed my hand on their car! So this dick stops and acts like he’s going to DO something to me! Wish I would’ve reported HIM.
    Absolute bullshit. People are in such a fucking hurry- for WHAT? Just fucking DRIVE. It really isn’t that hard, but people really are getting worse.

  7. Alexander says:

    Glad to hear you’re still alive! I think if I ever hit a pedestrian while driving (I’ve had nightmares, believe me) I would give up my car permanently.

  8. Sarah says:

    I’m glad you are okay, Dave!

  9. Erin says:

    OMG, I’m so glad you’re okay! I hope you go to a doctor (and stick her with the bill)!

  10. holy hell. want me to send you bubble wrap for when you have to cross a street again? jeebus.

  11. Jeff says:

    I’m glad you aren’t dead. Or badly injured (at least physically). I hope she gets some legal consequence for running you down and it doesn’t take 5 years to be handed down.

    I’m thinking losing her license and a large cash award for you. THAT would be justice.

  12. Mik says:

    Only time I’ve been hit by a car was in the middle of a crossing, lucky the guy stopped and didn’t run me over completely, but I chipped a bone in my hand the bar steward.

  13. Poppy says:

    Stop trying to die by walking in crosswalks. You need to learn to fly like a bird.

  14. RW says:

    I’m glad you’re okay and also glad you took action. Also the Chicago thing? I should probably have told you, the law is to stop whenever a pedestrian is in the marked walkway and has the walking man OR they are clearly in the lane not at a corner but marked like at schools and such.

    But I’m pretty sure most people think it’s only a suggestion because, as a driver, I’ve almost been rear-ended several times because I was obeying the law.

  15. whitenoise says:

    Wow, Dave. Scary! Hope you’re okay!

  16. kilax says:

    Oh my. I am so happy you are okay!

    I am cautious like you when I cross the streets. It makes me crazy that people run in front of cars all the time in Chicago.

  17. josh says:

    REASON #85,436,739 I FUCKING HATE DRIVING: I might injure a popular blogger and have him spread my assholeness around da interwebz!

  18. Michelle M. says:

    That’s crazy! I’m glad it wasn’t more serious. Will/can the police do anything about your report?
    Maybe you should swap the bulls-eye tshirt for a flashing neon one…

  19. Stacey says:

    I quit driving for this very reason. I’m a lousy driver and I was afraid I’d maim someone (or myself) for life if I didn’t give up driving. It’s a pain sometimes, but no regrets. I’m glad you’re okay. I hope she gets a big enough smackdown that she’ll change her habits.

  20. Dave, I’m so glad you were not seriously injured. I hope your leg and back recover quickly, too. Sometimes I have “invisible day” where nobody sees me. Not other cars when I’m driving, people as I walk on the sidewalk, etc. Let’s be careful out there. People are nuttier than a canister of extra crunchy Jif.

  21. muskrat says:

    Awful. Glad you still have your motor skills.

  22. Avitable says:

    Maybe the car was invisible until it hit you. Maybe it came out of the Fringe universe!

    Glad you didn’t die. If you do, though, can I have Bad Monkey?

  23. I have no words. Glad you’re ok. I hope she gets what’s coming to her.

  24. Hilly says:

    I’m just glad you weren’t made dead. Also, I will hunt down that bitch and kick her ass! Unacceptable. Seriously, no words.

  25. martymankins says:

    Drivers everywhere seem to be so distracted and don’t give two shits about pedestrians. I’m glad it was just a twisted ankle and nothing more serious. Regardless, the bitch driving that Honda needs to be beaten senseless. Or at least made to walk around in traffic to know what it’s like to be the pedestrian.

  26. Walt says:

    that’s terrible. Glad you made it. I was hit in Manhattan last year in front of a traffic cop. He was waving an SUV through the light when the driver decided not to go and backed out of the intersection into the crosswalk where I was walking. The driver then stopped and ran through the light. The cop just laughed as I drug myself off the road. The only satisfaction I got was leaving a huge dent in that back of their new SUV.

  27. chris says:

    the problem isnt the drivers. its the peds assuming they have the RIGHT OF WAY.

    you never have a guaranteed right of way. your supposed to look and proceed with caution.

    it comes with the rules of the road. just because you had the right of way do you hit the person who was in the wrong? no you avoid them.

    and citys seriously suck. 50 mil people dont care and block roads and cars if they have a light or not. its like cruising through a yellow light. you endup with an extra 40 people in the crosswalk when you have a green light. and they look at you like you are wrong for beeping

    • Dave2 says:

      I was in a crosswalk with a green light. I absolutely had the right of way. That IS the rule of the road. And if you read what I wrote, you’d know that even though I had the RIGHT OF WAY I did pause and proceed with caution… and still got hit.

      If you don’t think that pedestrians in a crosswalk with a green light have the right of way, then the problem is you.

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