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Bullet Sunday 174

Posted on Sunday, March 14th, 2010

Dave!Hooray! It's Pi Day! I love Pi! Of course I love all irrational and transcendental numbers, so that shouldn't surprise anybody. I will click the "publish" button on this entry at exactly 3.14.1:59 and see if a magic portal opens up to Flatland or something.

• Irritation Pi. As anybody who follows me on Twitter can attest, I am an irritable traveler. In my defense, it's hardly my fault. I honestly think that people are at their worst behavior when they're on a trip, so I have a valid excuse here. It's probably because travel has become so miserable now-a-days that people feel the need to do their part and become rude maniacs who are intent on making everybody else miserable too. It's a vicious circle. I travel a lot, so I've kind of broken the circle and just try to get through it all with as little drama as possible. With that in mind, I am freaking out over the idea that airplanes may soon be offering MOBILE PHONE SERVICE ON THEIR FLIGHTS. Holy crap. The idea of having to sit next to some loud asshole screaming away on their phone during a flight fills me with dread and homicidal rage...

DAVETOON: Sitting next to a screaming asshole with a mobile phone on the plane.

I mean, seriously? Aren't airplanes horrible enough? Can you imagine how horrendously shitty flights will be if people can make phone calls? This is bullshit! I am willing to bet some serious cash that the murder rate on airplanes increases 2700% if some airline is actually fucking stupid enough to do this. What's next? Are the flight attendants just going to punch you in the face and smear you with horse shit as you board?

• Stupid Pi. I've written about how much I hate Daylight Saving Time so many times on my blog that I sometimes wonder if I should just write about it exclusively. But oh well... I HATE DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME!! Messing with the clocks is so damn antiquated and absurd that I just can't help myself. Just split the difference by a half hour then LEAVE OUR CLOCKS THE FUCK ALONE!

• Denial Pi. Last night I saw an article on yet another disaster in our military's "Don't Ask Don't Tell" policy, where a woman was discharged for being a lesbian... even though she adhered to the rules she was given. Now, I've never been in the military, so those who are in the military (or are a military veteran) can feel free to dismiss my opinion... but who in this day and age really cares if anybody is gay? What's the point? It's as if people who support DADT think that if nobody says they're gay, then the entire military is suddenly straight and homosexuality doesn't exist there. It's like DADT is some kind of magical "denial cloak" idea that somebody took from a Harry Potter novel.

The truth is that you're either a good soldier or a bad soldier, and where consenting adults like to stick their penis and what they choose to do with their vagina isn't going to change that. Fortunately, this is an attitude that's finally starting to stick, as I see when I run across inspirational people, positive stories, and videos like this bouncing around the blogosphere...

The thing that always amuses me is the idea that a gay guy would join the military not to serve his country or earn an education, but so he could look at naked guys in the shower and hook up. It's absurd, but apparently that's what geriatric politicians like John McCain seem to think will happen if gays are allowed to serve openly (despite opinions of military leaders like Colin Powell who thinks DADT should be repealed). If anything, you'd think that homophobes in the military would welcome repealing Don't Ask Don't Tell, because then they'd know to say "no thanks, please leave me to die" if they were shot on the battlefield and some "homo pervert" comes to their aid.

People can deny it all they want but the Gay Menace is out there. They're standing next to you at the urinal in the bathroom. They're showering with you at the gym. And they're serving with honor in our military. They're everywhere. Pretending that gays don't exist isn't going to magically make it come true. Why people are so insecure in their sexuality that they think being exposed to "teh ghey" will somehow turn them gay is beyond me. Why they think that gays are any less capable of leaving their sex life in the bedroom is even more of a mystery.

Personally, I'm more afraid of people who watch The Hills than I am of any homosexual. Where's an ineffectual and asinine government policy to protect me from that?

• Apple Pi. I'm ordering an Apple iPad because of a project I'm working on, even though I probably won't use it for much else since I've always got an iPhone and MacBook with me. Don't hate me because I am now 196% cooler and Steve Jobs loves me. At least he should love me now. Heaven only knows I love me more now...

DAVETOON: Lil' Dave and his iPad.

• Humble Pi. I just thought I'd throw this out there for those people who think I'm being a narcissistic ass in my previous bullet... I am just not worthy of being this damn awesome. Sorry to burst your bubble, haters.

And thus ends another amazing installment of Bullet Sunday.


  1. Dave2 says:

    Alas, no. I am stuck in three dimensions for the time being.

  2. Sybil Law says:

    I have to disagree with your last bullet – you are, indeed, awesome. 🙂

    • Dave2 says:

      Oh I know I’m awesome… what I’m saying is that I am SO awesome that my humble nature makes me feel that I’m not worthy of being so awesome. Which kind of makes me even more awesome, I think. There is just no end to my awesomeness!

      Or my humility, apparently.

  3. Kim says:

    You are for sure awesome – and I’m getting an iPad toooooo !!!!

    I can’t wait to get my hands on one. I’m actually leaving for NOLA on Launch Day, so I’ll miss it. Boooooo. I was originally going to get the Wi-Fi but now I am considering the 3G version. I’ve waited this long for one, will a few weeks more kill me?

    Maybe. ; )

  4. Sarah says:

    Oh Dave, you are so cute and so awesome.

  5. Hilly Sue says:

    Pink Puffy Heart Pi.
    On the real real.

  6. Jeff says:

    I agree with you on 2 points, Dave:

    1. You are awesomeness personified. It’s good you are so humble.

    2. Daylight savings time completely sucks. The explanation of significant energy savings has been dis-proven, so all it does now is lower the productivity of students and worker alike due to sleep disruption. I would wonder if those who make these rules are stupid, but knowing it’s our government answers that question right away.

  7. Jeff says:

    I think I’ve commented before about how appreciative I am that you’re an ally to GLBT people but I’m going to do it again:

    THANK YOU! People like you who will stand up and call BS on others are important to bringing full equality to GLBT folks and you are greatly appreciated.


  8. martymankins says:

    I pre-ordered my iPad for store pickup on 4/3. Mine will be used for a couple of projects as well, but in the end, it’s an Apple product that I must have.

    Daylight Saving must go. Just make it standard time nationwide. Last year at this time, I was in Hawaii, where they don’t follow DST. It was nice. Until I came back to Utah and was screwed up by an hour.

  9. josh says:

    I really loved that football story (and I hate sportz!)…touching but not cornbally. In college one time, I was out wiff some of my friends and we were all walking to a frat party. A group of peepz walkin’ behind us started to dig on me or making fun of the way I talked or some crap and they dropped the F-A-G word. My straight guy friend whipped around and shouted some shiz @ them and they ran away all embarrassed like!

    It just takes one straight guy to stand up for a gay guy to get people’s mind changing. Seriously.

  10. Steve in NH says:


    You got it all wrong. The alternative to “vinegar & water” is “ranch”, etc. You may not want to publish this one. Good post today.

  11. You are so the awesome that I was afraid to speak to you at Avitoween for fear of bursting into flames from the glow of said awesomeness!!!!

    I also hate DST. I can just bet I will have almost every employee be late tomorrow and blame it on not resetting their clocks! Sigh…..

  12. John says:

    Turns out there is a slot for a camera in the iPad, as you would see if you looked at the circutboard. Apple just had a software issue and couldn’t fix it in time. And so we await iPad 2.0!

  13. Lisa says:

    I wish I could come up with a reason I “need” an iPad. Alas, it’s just in the “want” category now and I can’t justify that. I will remain infinitely less cool.

  14. Winter says:

    Gah! I hate Daylight Savings. I woke up and flipped out thinking I was sick cause I slept in so late. Motley wants a MacBook Pro and an iPad now. Damned art college is putting all kinds of freaky ideas in her head.

  15. Sarcastica says:

    I also wish I had a reason why I NEED an iPad but it’s purely just a want.

    I wish the miltary would STOP making such a big deal about it. Whether you’re straight or gay should make NO DIFFERENCE. Come into the present, boys, and stop living in the past.

  16. bo says:

    Hahaha. ‘Humble Pi.’ Well played, sir.

  17. Beth says:

    Sometimes, I find you so very smart (DST – split the difference and be done with it! – brilliant!)

    I’d like to see the research behind your coolness percentages, just so we have all the facts. I don’t just arbitrarily hand out cool points and a 196% increase seems a touch excessive.

  18. Daylight savings causes me so much stress. In addition to me having to adjust and trying to get my kids on the new schedule I always feel so stressed out worrying that maybe someone forgot to change their clocks so now I would be late to meet them if I show up on time. So then I worry that maybe I should show up an hour earlier just in case but then I worry that I look like a moron for worrying about that.

    It’s quite possible that I need to take some anxiety medication now that I read that back. It is one thing to be respectful of other peoples time, but I think I took it to a whole new crazy level.

  19. Dustin says:

    Cell phones on air planes – ya, that will turn out well.

    Maybe if they utilized the Google privacy pod technology

  20. Avitable says:

    Getting an iPad for a project, eh? Suuuuuure. 🙂

  21. muskrat says:

    I don’t give a damn if gays are in the military with me. They already are.

  22. Thank you for commenting on the crazy-ass DADT story! Fucked up!

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