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Posted on Monday, February 15th, 2010

Dave!People are stupid.

This will come as a surprise to nobody (except perhaps stupid people, but that's to be expected).

But even so, there's got to be a limit as to just how much you have to dumb something down in order to be understood by even the lowest of the lowest common denominator when it comes to intelligence. Some things are so bloody obvious that pointing them out only serves to makes you the stupid one.

This morning on the TODAY show, Al Roker was yucking it up with some guy who wrote a book about choosing healthier alternatives when eating. Basically, it boiled down to looking at labels when deciding what foods to eat. Excess calories, empty sugars, and fat is bad. BAD!

Well duh.

Some comparisons actually had a little merit... showing how the self-proclaimed "healthy" cereal actually had more sugar than other cereals on the market, for example. But other comparisons where just pathetic in their obviousness.

And here I was actually becoming an Al Roker fan after he took on Spencer and Heidi.

Well all that went out the window when Al didn't puch this guy in the face just on principle...

Al Roker on the TODAY show

And why? Because the douche felt the need to point out that it's healthier to eat dried prunes than it is to eat Mike and Ike's candies...

Mike and Ike vs. Dried Fruit... WHICH IS HEALTHIER?

My first reaction upon hearing the news was...
"ZOMFG! Really? REALLY? It's healthier to eat DRIED FRUIT than it is to eat fucking CANDY?!? That's astounding! Somebody should alert the media! Fruit is healthier than candy! This is a revelation that transcends the entirety of accumulated human knowledge. I mean, imagine it! Fruit is healthier than candy! Can you believe it?"

I lie. My actual reaction was in fact...


Could this radical piece of advice BE any more obvious? IT'S FUCKING CANDY, MUTHAFUCKER!! I mean, this is right up there with ""Fire is hot!" and "Rocks can't swim!" and "Cutting off your penis is bad for your sex life!" You would have to be so astoundingly stupid to not already realize this that I doubt you'd know how to turn on a television, let alone open a box of candy.

And it pisses me off.

"Mike and Ike" is an awesome candy. There's no need to disparage such a delicious treat for the sake of making a bowl of prunes look good. Everybody knows that eating lots of candy is not very good for you. When eaten in moderation, however, there is nothing wrong with candy. And anybody trying to villainize "Mike and Ike" is trying to sell you something.

Something like... oh... I dunno... A BOOK CALLED "EAT THIS, NOT THAT!"

Next up, are fried potato chips healthier than freeze-dried wasabi peas?

Fried Potato Chips vs. Dried Wasabi Beans... WHICH IS HEALTHIER?



Holy crap.

Tags: , , ,
Categories: Food 2010, Television 2010Click To It: Permalink


  1. Peggy Archer says:

    I’m so glad I didn’t see that. I don’t think I can throw much more stuff at my TV before I break something.

  2. Brandon says:

    Yeah, no shit to you and me, but you’d be surprised. As you know, the wife is a family doctor and you wouldn’t believe how many people come into her practice without the knowledge of such simple things. Do you know how many people feed their kids Gatorade instead of water because the commercials say it’s better? We actually own a couple of his books and they are actually pretty interesting and have been helpful, especially the one about restaurants.

    • Dave2 says:

      I’m not saying that the book doesn’t have its place (especially the one for fast food restaurants restaurants, where the information you need to make decisions is often hard to come by)… I’m just saying that people too stupid to feed their kids Gatorade as a substitute for water and think candy is better than fruit are beyond help… and for everybody else, seeing stuff like this is just insulting. There was no reason to single out Mike & Ike for persecution when they are a perfectly fine treat on occasion. Nobody eats them for their nutritional value except idiots, and they aren’t going to care anyway! πŸ™‚

  3. Robin says:

    Actually, if you want to get technical, eating freeze-dried food of any kind is just as “bad for you” as candy – most dried food is cured either with lots of salt or tons of sugar (like my fave Banana Chips are), which could make your Mike and Ikes a healthier choice, depending on the dried fruit.

    So sometimes, it really is better to eat that Snickers bar or box of Rasinets rather than that handful of dried fruit.

    • Dave2 says:

      Candy is empty calories that contributes to nothing. And the high fructose corn syrup that plagues the industry is a pretty big detriment in my book. Dried fruit, while possibly loaded in sodium and (mostly) natural sugars, have vitamins and fiber and other good things that make a contribution. Now, if we’re talking strictly about weight loss, you may be correct, but I’m talking health value. Nobody eats candy for the health benefits! If you’re trying to eat healthier, you’d want to choose the dried fruit. πŸ™‚

  4. Jon says:

    Thanks for the LOL. I needed one this morning.

  5. muskrat says:

    Wow. Can you ask Al to refund the minutes of your life wasted on this? How’d this cat get on TV anyway?

    I’m going to write a book on when it’s appropriate to drink and drive–after 1 beer, fine. After 7 beers–not fine! Think they’ll put me on TV?

  6. Finn says:

    I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to know that wasabi peas are freeze-dried! I wasn’t aware of that. So I guess this broadcast wasn’t all for nothing.

    But seriously, I think we’re all getting dumber by the minute because we’re exposed to all of this constantly.

    This is what happens when you don’t allow survival of the fittest to occur.

  7. christie says:

    wait wait wait! You’re saying nuts are healthier than Mike n Ikes????

    Well fuck! There goes my diet plan! No one told me sugar doesn’t help you lose weight! Damnit! πŸ˜‰

    • Dave2 says:

      Well, I dunno about nuts… since I haven’t seen it on television, there’s just nothing I can do to comment. Maybe TODAY will do a follow-up piece?

  8. sizzle says:

    The saddest part is that that book will probably be a best seller. Sigh.

    • Dave2 says:

      Honestly, I have no problem the the idea for the book. Anything that gets people to think about health is probably a good thing. My problem is with Mike and Ike’s taking a bullet so that a bowl of prunes looks healthier by comparison. Anybody who would make that mistake probably deserves the empty, healthless calories they consume. But, then again, THAT’S WHAT NUTRITIONAL LABELING IS FOR!! Oh well.

      The bigger issue is that government subsidies on all the foods that are bad for us make them cheaper than the crap foods that are killing us… so many poorer people can’t eat healthy even if they wanted to. πŸ™

  9. Mary Sue says:

    Yep. It’s the same kind of mentality that makes people assume that us fat people don’t know we’re fat and need to be told we’re fat.

    Trust me, we know. We probably know more about nutrition than you do. We probably even eat better than you do, but human beings are not bunsen burners and calories in do not equal calories out.

    • Dave2 says:

      Eating healthier is a benefit no matter what your weight. The point is that nobody eats candy for the health benefit, and comparing it to anything in terms of healthful properties is just stupid. There is nothing wrong with candy as an occasional treat, and villainizing Mike & Ike in an arena that they aren’t even competing is about as stupid as it gets.

      And I find it difficult to believe that anybody knows more than I do about anything. I am a total genius!

  10. Sybil Law says:

    Whaaaa ?!!! Dried fruit is better than CANDY?!! Now what will I make for dinner tonight? You have no idea how much this has blown my mind!!!

  11. DutchBitch says:

    Dutch Apple Pie, Patatjes Met and/or Breadroll with Old Cheese are the top healthiest foods in the WORLD… Just sayin’

    • Dave2 says:

      Which is exactly why they are my favorite foods! So delicious and healthy too!

      Because nothing could be healthier than fried potatoes drenched with mayonnaise!

  12. LeSombre says:

    This reminds me of a reno show called “ComplΓ¨tement Marteau”. In one segment, the guy was hanging a spring-pull window shade, and explained to us in great many details that if the shade fell down, you just had to screw the hangers closer together.

    This was in 1992 and I still laugh so much I cry whenever I talk (or write apparently) about it. πŸ˜‰

  13. mrs. hall says:

    “Rocks can’t swim!”

    oh god!! so funny!!! laughed my tush off!!

    sooo funny!!

  14. Al Roker is such an annoyingly smug bastard. Watching him makes me hostile so I try not to.

    • Dave2 says:

      I still think he’s a dopey bastard that tries too hard… but I did end up with a little respect for him when he went after Spencer and Heidi. If only he’d go mad-dog more often…

  15. Ren says:

    Having not seen it I will accept your characterization of the presentation as stupid. I will, however, point out that there is a stark difference between trying to decide which of two choices is healthier and trying to come up with a good substitute for the unhealthy choice. Being offered up dried fruit as a substitute for candy or wasabi peas as a substitute for potato chips is probably helpful.

    As you point out in a comment, one of the big problems with this is cost. It just costs less to eat junk. Candy is a lot cheaper than dried fruit and potato chips are a lot cheaper than wasabi peas.

    Corn subsidies are the root of all evil.

    • Dave2 says:

      Wow. If people need to be given fruit as a healthy alternative to candy… we’re worse off than I thought! Fruits and vegetables are kind of the universal healthy alternative to ANYTHING! πŸ™‚

      Corn subsidies for billionaire mega-companies to inflict genetically modified crap on us IS evil. I’d be perfectly fine with subsidizing small corn farmers so they could compete though. My bigger problem is the grotesque subsidization of the meat industry. Get rid of that, and the corn subsidies would follow.

  16. josh says:

    Wait…cutting of your penis is bad for sex?! Why didn’t anyone tell me?!?

  17. Suebob says:

    Next you’ll be telling me that orange Tang isn’t as good for you as orange juice.

    • Dave2 says:

      Oh I’m sure that’s not true! After all, the astronauts drank Tang, so it must be good!

      Of course, KRAFT keeps dicking around with the Tang formula, so who knows how healthy it is now.

  18. Wait, I thought Mike and Ike’s candies were their own food group.


  19. Semky says:

    Coincidentally, I had Mike & Ike’s for breakfast this morning, so a good choice on my part! I must admit that it was that or nothing though. Well, I could have shopped in the chips aisles of the one machine we have here at Too Small for Decent Vending, Inc. I’ll make up for it tomorrow by bringing potato chips from home.

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