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Posted on Wednesday, January 20th, 2010

Dave!Having a blog can sometimes be a very, very strange thing.

Mostly because of the people who end up reading it. Well, not you, obviously, but you know... those people.

You know, the people who happen across a blog, read ONE entry, then feel that they know absolutely everything about you and have all the information they need to judge you. The people who feel that their opinion is the only one that matters, and if your opinion is contrary to theirs, then you're wrong and evil and stupid and don't deserve to live. Yes, I'm talking about those people.

Usually, I just delete the comments and emails from those people because their abuse just isn't worth it. They've already condemned you, and nothing you say or do will ever change their mind.

Oh, sure, every once in a while I get a comment that is so outrageous that I simply can't stop myself from publishing it... like the crazy-ass pageant mom who trashed me in a comment over something I never said or even hinted at. But that's rare. Most of the time I just don't bother.

Like when I wrote an entry in support of the National Equality March on Washington and got a comment telling me that I am a "condescending fuck" and "demeaning to gays" (or something like that)... for supporting gay marriage. Apparently, only gays can offer words of support and encouragement to gays or else they're just being snobby patronizing elitists. DELETE!

Or when I wrote how much I enjoyed The Holy Land Experience theme park and called it "inspirational, even if you're not a Christian"... only to get a comment telling me that "people like you" (heh) "only go there to mock Christians and ruin the park for everybody with your Godless perversions" (or something like that). Apparently, only Christians are allowed to say nice things about Christian things or else they're just being snobby patronizing elitists. DELETE!

Or when I wrote about my worries over having intestinal distress from my doctor-mandated restrictive diet and got a comment telling me that "real people suffer from intestinal problems and their lives are made worse by ignorant assholes like you who only want to make fun of them" (or someth... no, that was exactly what they said). Apparently, only people with severe intestinal disorders can joke about having diarrhea or else they're just being snobby patronizing elitists. DELETE!

Honestly. You can't make this stuff up.

Tonight while I was watching Food Network's Throwdown with Bobby Flay, the challenge was making Belgian Waffles. This reminded me of a comment I got when I wrote about my favorite thing about visiting Paris...


This resulted in a bizarre, profanity-laden comment from some American guy who was tired of "ugly Americans" (such as myself) insulting foreign cultures and making us all look bad.

Because I like waffles.

Well, damn. Apparently I am just a snobby patronizing elitist no matter what I do.


That comment still hurts, even after all these years.

Which is why I ended up healing my pain by buying a new Belgian Waffle baker from Amazon tonight. Just to be sure I didn't suffer a relapse, I also ordered some Stonewall Kitchen Waffle Mix.

Don't judge me.

Sometimesa little retail therapy is all we snobby patronizing elitists have to keep us warm at night.

Tags: , , ,
Categories: Blogging 2010, Food 2010Click To It: Permalink


  1. Iron Fist says:

    Now I want a waffle. Yum!

    My favorite thing about visiting Paris was the free drinks when you use the slot machines.

  2. RW says:

    It’s PEOPLE LIKE YOU that hinder FREE SPEECH by JUDGING honest comments from DECENT PEOPLE given in perfect HONESTY so they can HELP YOU see the ERROR of your godless ways.

    GIVE ME A WAFFLE!!!11ONE111!

    • Dave2 says:

      Well, I certainly have no problems with people commenting who disagree with me… I welcome respectful debate. But if it comes in the form of an attack, I don’t WANT to see the error of my ways. That kind of “free speech” is much too costly.

      What I don’t understand is why I get this kind of treatment when far more inflammatory bloggers go unscathed. Maybe it’s the cartoons? It’s a mystery.

      • RW says:

        Actually I AM an asshole to people who post opposing opinions to mine on my blog. I don’t delete or edit them, I just let the person know they’re irretrievably stupid and shouldn’t be allowed to breed. No, seriously. That’s part of the “crabby” and when people get offended, I laugh at them because I’m mean.

        Sometimes the best response to the truly stupid comments like the one’s you’re talking about is to say nothing and let it stand there on it’s own like a green wart on somebody’s nose.

        Dave. Dave? Don’t leave this hanging there Dave!!

  3. mike says:

    Great post but really really scary. I have been spared all the nut cases so far- thank the lord. Unlike some of my expat friends however, I am generally careful about giving away too many specific details about my location. Who knows when some raving lunatic will come stomping in, waving a shank, screaming, ” YOU WAFFLELOVER WAFFLELOVER!” (As life slips away, me on the ground, I would probably be saying in total confusion.. “Luftwaffle? Luftwaffle?”)

    But being a foreigner in Turkey, my casual opinions can unexpectedly raise an undue amount of ire from otherwise happy-go-lucky natives. I suppose they imagine I am slagging off their nation which I am not at all.
    Once, in a silly attempt to get the last word in- after all, it WAS my blog- I maintained a running comment dialog with some poor delusion woman who swore I was wrong about some event that happened to me. You must have imagined that. It couldn’t have happened. It never happened to me. You must have caused it because we don’t do things like that. It was because of you. That person was expecting to be treated with respect. Etc. Etc.
    Finally I asked.. What the hell am I doing??! And flipped on the comment filter forever.

    • Dave2 says:

      So much easier to just let it go and press the delete button. I love hearing from my readers, but draw the line at suffering abuse from them. That’s just a waste of everybody’s time.

  4. bo says:

    People like you who write posts about other people’s comments just to toss some vitriol out there really ruin the reputations of us honest bloggers, to say nothing of Americans. When someone comments, it’s just a comment and in no way meant to piss you off. If you can’t take it, you shouldn’t be blogging.

    And also: I hereby demand that you relinquish your URL. I established a site just this morning listing all the -ographies in the known universe, a comprehensive list of everything ever studied, and I want to call it Blogography because it’s clever and appropriate. Since I obviously just started my site, it’s newer than yours and I therefore have rights to the URL.

    Thank you.

    • Dave2 says:

      Well, I’m just trying to do my part to ruin blogging for everybody.

      I’ll get started on that domain transfer… anything else I can to to make up for being such a horrendous anti-American bastard all these years?

  5. B.E. Earl says:

    You should save them and do a “Best of” post at the end of each year. Since they are “one and done” readers at best they won’t get the satisfaction of seeing their original comment on the post they wanted to spew their hate on, but the rest of us can shake our head at their idiocy later on in the year.

    Nah…prolly not a good idea.

  6. Finn says:

    So what’s wrong with waffles made from scratch, huh? You elitist, condescending waffle snob!

    • Dave2 says:

      I can’t find the proper malt in sane quantities. The only way I can get it around my neck of the woods is to buy enough for a lifetime waffle supply. Well, either that or I’d have to open a waffle restaurant. So I went all elitist and just bought a mix. I’m a snob that way, I’ll admit.

  7. Etienne says:

    Dave, re: pageant mom – Do ‘real’ people actually ‘contribute’ to blogs a year-and-a-half after the original posts? Maybe you should amend your posting disclaimer that says “Email (will not be shown)” and add “unless I think you’re an a**hole – in which event my ‘posse’ will probably tear you apart like a bunch of rabid hyenas”.

    That earlier blog reminded me of an old SNL film short called “Babies in Makeup” w/2 yr olds done up w/black eyeliner, mascara, leather, whips & chains etc.. and some creepy sounding Jim Morrison-Doors music. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find a link. It apparently freaked a bunch of folks out, too, here.

    Loyal Posse Member

    • Dave2 says:

      I don’t need a posse… I need minions! Minions with lots of disposable income and a thirst for vengeance!

      Though having a posse DOES come in handy for staffing my donation call center.

  8. Barbara says:

    Don’t change a thing…we love your snarky insight!

  9. muskrat says:

    If Waffle House isn’t elitist, I don’t know what is.
    Clearly, you love WH if you like waffles.

  10. Mike says:

    Okay an antidote, sure to bring a smile. Well, I thought it was hilarious. It’s the other side of the story. Some blog posts just deserve a response like this.

  11. Well, I had a good comment but I forgot it when I read Iron Fist’s favorite thing about Paris. Awesome.


    P.S. There are a lot of assholes out there!

  12. Sarah says:

    So, since I don’t own a waffle maker and someone won’t buy me one, can I come over and make you waffles?

    • Dave2 says:

      That sounds like a thinly veiled sex invite! So sure… you can cook my waffles! Just don’t be telling your boyfriend about this. I’m trying to avoid nasty comments here!

      Of course, I think everything is a thinly veiled sex invite, so please disregard if you were being literal here.

      Bring butter.

      And syrup.

      We’ll get slippery and sticky together!

      Oh… there I go again…

  13. You can call me, 'Sir' says:

    Amazon?!? You’re just feeding the rich capitalist CEOs of web-based retail, you web-based retail rich capitalist CEO-feeding elitist!!!!

    • Dave2 says:

      You say that like it’s a bad thing.

      My DREAM is to one day BECOME a rich capitalist CEO of web-based retail. I mean, seriously… it’s got “rich” right there in the description! How awesome is that?

  14. How is it that you manage to attract so many assholes to your blog? It doesn’t seem fair. I’ll happily take a couple if you like and degrade them on mine. I’ll even eat a waffle while doing it.

    • Dave2 says:

      Oh sure… you say that NOW. But really, it’s nowhere near as fun as it sounds.

      Any adverse situation where you can’t fight your way out with a flamethrower never is.

  15. Sybil Law says:

    I am so offended by everything on here and clearly you’re an elitist snob who hates me!
    P.S. I so want to join the waffle party. I will bring some strawberries and whipped cream!

  16. Stacey says:

    When I was much younger and had a blog through AOL Journals (or whatever they were called), I received my first hate comments. I had written a post about how I was still a virgin and I was ok with that. I can’t even remember what the morons wrote (something about being a tease and hating men and being a feminist bitch, I’d imagine), but I remember just thinking, “Really?”

    • Dave2 says:

      Now THAT would be terrible. To expose such a personal thing and get attacked for it is really harsh. But that’s the world we live in now… people attack at will because there aren’t any consequences for doing so on the internet. I rarely get personal on my blog, so people only get to attack me for my opinions or viewpoint. That much I can handle. 🙂

  17. josh says:

    OMGawdz! How funny that you posted this! Just last week, I had two peepz attack me on different blogz for no reason! One called me “stupid” cuz she was friendz wiff a bloggy acquaintance of mine that I was having a back n’ forth wiff. I guess she didn’t like that her friend was having a conversation that didn’t involve her, cuz she posted some rude shit like she has any idea of who I am. I hope she gets killed in an accident soon. (yes, I’m mean)

    The second was on mah dearest David’s blog and I was posting about gross pix of naked d00dz that Mr. Pasteeeeeeeeeeeeeelnick posted on his site and some rando commenter (tried to) ream me about how my negative commentz are putting the gay population back decades and blah blah blah. It really was quite bizarre and pointless and I too wish him some sort of pain.

    • Dave2 says:

      People don’t seem to have a sense of humor now-a-days, and seem to lash out at others for the stupidest things. It’s absurd, but it’s become accepted, so it’s only going to get worse. What gets me is that even when you try to be nice, people attack you. They just aren’t willing to give the benefit of doubt anymore when they read their own biases and prejudices into what you write. It’s a real shame.

  18. Suebob says:

    Some of us real bloggers actually really like real waffles, unlike you who just writes to mock us. Poser. Or should I say, given your attempts to mock the French as well, “poseur”?

  19. Anonymous says:

    A favorite site of mine has made an attempt to catalog the various species of commenters in the blogosphere. A task worthy of admiration to be sure. Thought you might find it interesting. By the way, (he said with a knowing wink) I am type B with some latent A tendencies.

    • Dave2 says:

      Wow… thanks so much for the link! That was actually a really well-thought-out entry. I don’t know that I can classify myself though. How I comment is different depending on the situation. I’ve probably been most of those commenter types at one time or another (well, except “spam” maybe!).

  20. Mika says:

    I came across your blog through Google Image Search, and find it very amusing. I might add it to my list of blogs I’d visit if I had time.

    Oh? What was the search criteria that brought me here? “Fucked by politician.” I thought you’d get a kick out of that.

  21. whall says:

    You got harrassed about enjoying a pancake-like substance?

    How Waffle.

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