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Second Verse, Worse Than the First

Posted on Thursday, December 19th, 2019

Dave!I woke up this morning, grabbed my laptop to start my work day, noticed the date, then had the wind completely knocked out of me. Maybe one day I won't feel completely and utterly crushed on my mom's birthday, but it's not today. The second birthday without her is no easier than the first.

After feeding the cats I thumbed through a few of the travel books I made for her, then felt a little better. I'm so overwhelmingly grateful for the time we had and the many, many amazing memories from our trips together that it seems selfish to stay sad.

And yet...

...it's the little things which happen day-today that keep destroying me.

Running across a note with her handwriting in the glovebox.

Finding small wooden elephant she bought in Laos while looking for a paperclip.

Seeing a potholder she bought from Disney World while baking bread.

Getting a Christmas card addressed to her in my mailbox.

Having somebody ask how she's doing while buying groceries.

The list goes on and on and on. Every day. All the time. In places where I'm least expecting it.

But then...

Mom and I standing under a gorgeous African sunset with the savannah in the background.

Happiest of birthdays to you, mom. I love and miss you every day.

Comments

  1. Sharon says:

    I am so sorry. I lost my father unexpectedly in January of this year, so I really relate to your feelings about the loss of your mom. I think it’s great that you had so many adventures together.

  2. Michelle C PHillips says:

    Great picture of you guys. The first 2 years after my husband died I didn’t think it would ever get better. I just got better at grieving. But now at over 2.5 years I have much longer periods of feeling good and not dwelling on things. I still miss him but it’s a lot less painful and more wistful now. And a lot less often. Hopefully it’ll get better soon for you too. Although birthdays and holidays will likely always be hard.

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